Adyashanti - The Disorientation That Occurs When Ego Drives Begin To Disappear 

Honestly, thank God for this video. I don't know an other teacher who talks about this specific aspect so eloquently

I’m literally sitting on my deck, asking the Universe WTF??!! You awakened me even though I didn’t ask for it (ya, I must have at a deeper level) and now I’m just floundering here, tired of reading and researching and watching a million RU-vid videos for answers to what this all means. I’m not religious, but I know a few stories, and I am realizing that i feel “forsaken.” Anyone else??

Yes so true! Awakening from ego / duality is very disorienting! I’m going through it for the second time now.. two years ago I was on the brink of ego collapse but I had so much existential dread from a mind perspective it kept holding me back. My mind latched onto financial stress and held me back from deeper awakening. I recently had another awakening experience where my ego was completely / temporarily dissolved. I’m now in the existential dread phase again and very disoriented. I wish there were more people to talk to and help lead through this process

I feel I had this as a child. Everyone seemed to have "things they loved", and you struggle to really get attached to these types of things. Finally, at nearly 30 I just said - I love me for me, and I can accept I don't identify with much of anything on this planet. Though, there were times before that when I found rest and peace, too. ... What a wonderful talent he has for putting into words the subjective, inner-state. Its almost like magic, to find the words to describe these processes ...

I was given this at the exact right time by an in-tune mentor. Thank God for her, and this person. I was flailing, as everything that gave me reason, direction, has changed. My reference points are gone. Thank You!

Namaste! The most loving thing to do is to accept the disorientation as well as the frustration or depression about it, love myself enough to become my own best friend and every now and then pamper myself. That is what worked for me. Tat tvam asi

I really like this guy

the disorientation arises from the mind trying to find orientation - thank you :-)

yeah trees have personalities! There is one tree in the park near my house who is a real jerk.

What you said about the shadow side is probably cutting to the core of every human's problems. All stuckness in any emotion is rooted in the "shadow side" of ourselves. What is the shadow side is what we have to ask. We should never be afraid of it nor avoid it nor suppress it. It is there for a reason. It is telling us something about ourselves. It is pointing towards the problematic areas which have not been worked on nor resolved. Becoming aware of this is huge. You are doing very well. :0)

Yes, there is a lot of questioning of what existence is. Over and over. The increasing power of awareness releases a lot of garbage from your unconscious mind and a lot of it is really unpleasant. All the fears that keep you trapped surface and they take all sorts of forms. As the process continues, despair at the ferocity of the ego. Anger that has been suppressed and at what is happening to who you thought you were, and grief at the suffering of all humanity. This has been my experience.

You are such a blessing! Thank you for your precise explanation you’ve explained exactly how I feel. Namaste 🙏🏼

Beautiful and amazing!!!thank you.

Sorry to intrude. You have an earnest desire for the truth - a rare gift - please don't spend too much time in questions. It is very important you look and validate everything yourself and you don't need to think or understand a thing. You will find your questions naturally stop arising because they will no longer be applicable on a deep level. Don't worry about your shadow side or your ego or any of it, just look. Who is at the centre of all this, what can be found? Much love.

Exactly!!!! What to do!? Life happens through you, very odd even surrender isn't active it is a result of being in the self.......

Excessive questioning can often be a way of avoiding what you have to do. You fully understand your task, but maybe it's frustrating and it feels as if you're getting nowhere. Stick with it. You will not be frustrated forever. Keep light about it but stay sincere. It will pay off like you can't imagine x

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I needed this today.

Namaste! After having listened a second time, I remember trust. Trust in life, love, the process, purpose and that god is good no matter what. That is helping me a lot. Tat tvam asi

6:09 My exact first reaction first time I took LSD. "Why are we doing things?"

Though I’ve had cruel depression most of my life, I am experiencing a loss of interest in things now as an effect of meditation and spiritual inquiry. The past few weeks my state has mimicked depression but I have had a nagging feeling it wasn’t quite the depression I had known to date. Now I understand that I’m just disorientated at my loss of self. I just can’t know what comes next. Scary.

Im só thankful for this video 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

You don't go after the ego, for the reasons you stated. You just simply stop giving it the attention you have been giving it. This does not mean purposely ignoring the ego, or trying to silence the mind, but sinking into the silence, which is what you are.

Subtle insight but powerfully revealing.

beautiful ~~ thank you

It's very helpful.

"who i am gonna be now??"

Thank you 🙏 ☺

the thinking mind is great for "problem solving"... problem is we become identified with it then it becomes a master rather then a tool... all just words and egoic but kind of points to the answer for me :-)

Namaste 🙏🏻

You welcome

Thanks !

I have been sober for 9 months, and have just returned from a retreat. It was AA based, and centered on the 11th step. Tonight I slept after reading journal entries from a year ago - entries I'd written in seeking the answers for myself. Tonight's entry, in that same journal, was one more focused on other people, on their struggles and my hopes for them. And as I laid down I reflected on how different my perceptions are today, especially from this weekend. It manifested in a terrifying dream that was sexual, but during which I couldn't find my right way around, or perform how I might have wished. I then began to become so disoriented that I was flipping about in the bed, and suddenly my feet slammed against the wall behind me, all the while the girl in the bed was laughing, and I was telling myself over and over "this is just a dream", but I thought that I was dreaming that I was flipping about, but that the girl and my mother in the other room were real. When my feet hit the wall I knew my mother would hear the sound it made, and then I heard her say, as if in an echo, "Jonathon. Jonathon!" And I awoke in my bed, alone, with my dog. I have had strange dreams before, and usually when I've had them, I am able to turn over and go back to sleep. Tonight was different. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom, poured some water, and checked that the voice I heard in the dream wasn't actually my neighbors or someone calling for me outside. (It's 1:11 am.) It didn't seem to be, and so I burned a little bit of this wooden incense branch that came from South America, I said a prayer, and I called my sponsor. His phone was off as he is probably sleeping, thank God. The poor man has Parkinson's which allows him little time to sleep these days. And so, I immediately realized that this and two other deams I'd had this week were related to ego. I have used many people, places, and things in life in an effort to effect my happiness, and lately I've had a great revelation related to my relationships with women, my self-centered desires, my constant search for things external. Much has changed, much is changing, and I am glad to hear that I am not alone. I hope this will help me to help someone else some day, as you have down just now, for me.

Self Inquiry meditation as helpful as it is actually has backfired for me on the two occasions I used it to prevent stage fright and is therefore disorienting in THAT context. Just a few nights back, during a rehearsal for a play I'm in, I immersed myself in the non verbal state that characterizes Self Inquiry and when I came on shortly afterwards for my performance, I struggled with some memory loss and wound up awkwardly paraphrasing which the director cited me for.

I'm trying to find more books, works, videos, audios about this stage. I don't find almost any teacher speak about the sadhana to keep doing after the glimpse of who we are really are. If someone have some suggestions, thank to much!

thats some good, high quality shit right there! Im currently experiencing an epic tug of war of dissonance between truth and EGOOO. And it is absolutely driving me insane. Im depressed as fuck, been missing classes,and am exhausted....accept truth and experience reality as it is in its purest form, resulting in me working at mcdonalds therest of my life, OR embrace ego, be a douchebag, and finish school. This is tearing me apart, because it seems that ego is required to get through school. ugh.

I'd say that the shadow side is always the Ego and its multi escape routes. I am quite a loner in my ways of living and that in turn offends people who are dependent on prestige, so their Egos take offense to my independence from society's norms. They often become nasty, then my own Ego will respond in thinking it needs to protect itself and I get very angry sometimes like in a conversation with one of my best friends. Then I realize that it was my Ego or shadow side again trying to protect me.

Yes, any kind of judgment is a form of dualism, but its critical to know as Eckhart said that we don't confuse healthy judgment with prejudice nor the ability to say No with non consciousess. As a living being one has to judge to a certain degree any situation in order to maneuver ourselves through life safely. The problems occur when we are stuck in judgment which is when someone is resentful towards others. I can avoid certain areas without hating the people I avoid. Its all an inner process.

❤

Good to know what is coming next on this path- Thank you !

Hey, yes i suffer ('suffering') from it all too...as we all do i believe ? been there too where u say here 'much courage' i wish u, and its good to respect what we feel & go thru, gosh 'we must' lol, and we can also see, this is a phase (hopefully?... cos i know superpeople who left this earth cos they couldnt cope) and i respect it too.. all is respectful 'to feel & experience' isnt it... i believe i need to accept my 'stuff' more & also trust that all will be ok one day, here or 'here after'

The curse of miracles saids that's the purpose of ego is "search but not find", thats keep all the things you believe they are running. In my experience, suffering occurs by our separation of our true nature. Even the suffering is not our true nature, but you have to find it in by yourself. This video saids about the experience when you don't believe anymore the story of ego, and you can start question it right now! I hope I've helped a little, blessings

You could try asking "Who is questioning?". When a question arises, instead of following it, take a step back and really try and see where it came from. Where is the questioner? Even if you think you know the answer to this already, chuck it out the window. Look as if for the first time, and whatever comes up - thoughts/emotions/sensations - look and see where is it coming from? That's it. :)

Well, you need the ego to make judgments to function in life. The problem is in letting it run things.

Yes, its biology. And the suffering arose from the dualism that Ego creates. Dualism is me versus someone else, like a separation between me and the other. In reality there is no dualism. Only the Ego wants to believe this.

We are one is still identifying with the body. That which is beyond the mind and body is that I AM sense which we all have. When you can be fully aware of the I AM without any acknowledgment of anything else. Then awakening happens. But is indescribable. It can only be experienced. Words are just pointers.

Wiki says: "Dualism (from the Latin word duo meaning "two")[1] denotes a state of two parts. The term 'dualism' was originally coined to denote co-eternal binary opposition, a meaning that is preserved in metaphysical and philosophical duality discourse but has been diluted in other usages to indicate a system which contains two essential parts." Today the term dualism covers a wider range of meanings, they all have to do with separation, me versus another, split apart in separate entities.

@jacarandamarie I am both Noel Faram and Caeper 🙂

When the ego, false and fearful self, receives a shock.. i.e. the Self questions the motivations/impetus of the fearful self and asks some of the pertinent questions such as "who am I really?" etc.... it does indeed go through disorientation. Initially it will try to make you backtrack, but if this doesn't work it will disorient you and suggest you become "pseudo-spiritual" i.e. change your name to something exotic, wear a dhoti, etc.... however this shift is not the ego's death-knell, nor does it mean it has been weakened in any way.. it is simply morphing into a more acceptable version of ego.. please do not mistake this for growth. I suggest anyone wishing to truly transform, and rise above all ego machinations study A Course in Miracles...which outlines our attachment to specialness.. :)

this video helps me so much right now.. thank you Adya

I am back where I was four years ago and I’m back where I left everything- fear and wanting to go back. I’m deciding to go forward into it.

where is this audio from? I want to listen to the whole talk. What's the title of this session?

thatd be great to actually be able to talk to someone about this. I think im getting somewhere because i go into a "mode" or mind state where i can just see things for what they are....just things hah. Its like everything around me is just so still, as if its waiting for something, but its not. Its just being. No projections. all this spiritual talk is driving me crazy haha. It feels so lame and dramatic, but i know thats just my mental projection onto the words, just as with everything else.

Very well explained thank you

Watch the "Quest for Fire" movie, you'll get your answer. Ego is a mechanism, it serve for biological survival. There is no other purpose whatsoever.

Hi Everyone! I currently am facing deep feelings of anxiety, suffering, depression and my thoughts are so negative they keep making everything worse and worse and I cant keep to control it. I am constantly shifting between two states where I know that this is not who I am and the awareness of this moment. Everybody talks about not seeking but I find myself in deep personalities where I have to seek in order to have my job. currently my mind and every cell in my body tells me :"stop!" just stop but there are so many expecations so many goals and desires so many things I have already done pretty well now that I know that nothing lf that is truly me i Am utterly confused. i have no idea what to do. there is just awareness but not in a positive way it feels like i see myself being aware and nothing brings me joy. not a single thing. can someone please give some advice. and even my ego is filled with negative emotions which has never been the case. i have gone trough a beautiful time achieving so many things and feeling totally liberated now i feel trapped and scared.

what exactly is awakening? The realization that we all are one? I( feel like theres a hidden reality in plain sight, but i cant see it yet.

its served its purpose as far evolution goes, From the enlightened point of view the question don't make sense, as long as you live in a virtual made reality created by your head where you perceive your self as an separate identity it would be creasy not to be frightened, right? and it probably would be very dangerous to premature drop you're familiar sense of self. is`s the "me" creating mechanism that had the opportunity to go a little nuts thats all, it`s not bad, it can be a great tool.

How wet is the ocean supposed to feel?

Hey Friend, I went through the same process and had to leave school--- Depression became so powerful that I had to leave and go on my first adventure. I totally respect the fear and hesitancy you're going through... Message me and I'll share more of my story.

What to do now? Left my job and have no desire or energy to do anything.

What comes after? Ah, my ego dissolved a year ago.... After a whole year of soul searching, I am still not sure if I adequately know my current self... It's wonderful, but it makes this mortal confused...

Is there a part 2 to this video?

I try to take things as they come...I don't believe it 'has' to be hard, no.

I thought I was going crazy

I liked your example of blowing out a candle much better. My experience is that the ego has no true basis in reality and is extinguished all at once. Everything is happening just as it was before but there is not a ego-self that is related to the experience. Is it not so?

Got it, Adya! Very disorienting. Many of my interests I once had have waned after dissolving of ego structure.

Who is trying to find orientation?

I've left a message in your inbox

ahh, what you said about going through an existential crisis...I feel the same way. I think just said the exact same words to my boyfriend the other day. I'm 19 and really confused about the school situation as well. This video is reeally accurate and I'm glad I'm not alone! :)

So, heres an odd question. How real is reality supposed to feel?

So, how does one make this "awakening" happen? Personally, I doubt the reality of such a thing, and suspect that it is a self-delusional, wish fulfillment in the mind, but I'm staying open minded about the whole thing for now.

To know how wet water is, you have to jump into it. Otherwise you are just looking to the mind for an answer. Thats why nobody can tell you what its like to be awakened. They can only point to it until you get a glimpse and understand for yourself. It's profoundly the most simple thing. So maybe a better question would be, what is reality? If you prefer we can talk on skype or something, just message me.

I rave vc

A year ago at this time I was very, very messed up for physical and psychological reasons (drug addiction, OCD, panic attacks) and it has been a long road back. However, I am more balanced and have less of a need to have answers. Learning to deal with uncertainty is part of it. At the same time I am thoroughly convinced that the future of spirituality lies in applying scientific rigour to the teachings and methods, and so I am looking in that direction as well.

I can totally relate to this. Since my awakening, all I feel like doing is laying on my couch and playing with my nutsack.

check out Liberation Unleashed, that will surely wake you up....under "Books" on the left side, get their book! AND..they guide you until you see :) also check out their Facebook group

There is no spoon

Hello, do u know (we all know its true what u say) but also : as long as u keep believing & saying 'it just doesnt' it will be more difficult to 'do believe it can be better', learning & training on it u know? even he still 'has it', we are human, dont forget to 'just give in' doesnt help at all :)

My relationship to kite flying has shifted entirely! I love you Adyashanti.

Yes, "you" can't get anything, only get out of the way for truth to be revealed. Despair arises if the struggle has gone on for a long time. It must also be worked with. I'll let you know when this episode of my life has resolved itself.

There comes a point when the idea of the ego, which up until this point was a handy signpost in showing you the way, is also dropped. As long as you have this body, it will do things - feel, see, smell, think - but none of it will cause confusion or be a problem for you

First awakening was at 25, absolutely blew holes through the personal drives. Life exploded and basically shut down. 34 now and still don’t know what to do other than be here now....and stupidly chase Emptiness :-)

Terror also frequently arises as the ego dissolves, and rage, grief and despair, in my experience and that of many others. It may take a heavy toll on your life in the relative world (I lost my job, got hooked on anti-anxiety medication, am now in a low-paying job) but if you just maintain you faith in the process and the results, you can make it through.

So the challenge is to continue to function, to make choices, to focus, to give of ourselves and to live and be in the material world, while being awakened to an infinitely larger world that interconnects everything. We can't all become recluses at a monastery in the mountains to repeat OM for the rest of our lives (unless perhaps that is our calling). We must travel forward walking as if on a razors edge ... and I think, that's why the Buddha is smiling :) I think the Buddha is saying, if you could only see what I see ... you are already there.

fook yah

Well no, you have to get beyond the ego, unfortunately most people end up struggling anyway. This is pretty much universal. The ego just doesn't let go for most of us without severe anxiety or other emotional crap. It just doesn't.

Here is my understanding of the ego problem: The ego is a valuable tool when we are children as it functions to ensure our early survival. Unfortunately, that tool-that servant, actually-usurps the throne of our mind. It is like old folk tales and myths about a selfish regent who takes control of a kingdom and refuses to relinquish authority to the young king when he reaches the age of maturity. It has taken ownership of the kingdom (ie, our lives) and acts only for its own benefit.

It's a false choice as well. You can finish school without being a douchebag, and why would the truth care what you do for a living as long as you don't identify with it? Being 'depressed as fuck', missing classes, and being exhausted can be a sign you are awakening, or it could just be that you need to take care of yourself more. Or it could be both. Certainly don't use awakening as an excuse to avoid moving on with your life or watching your health.

All the big questions about life have been answered. Check out The Present at TruthContest◘Com

No, you don't have to work at McDonald's. Also be sure that what is happening isn't something clinical and are you getting enough exercise, etc. Adya isn't the best at giving that kind of advice.