AITA for REFUSING to tell my family which of my baby girls I adopted?

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Story: AITA for REFUSING to tell my family which of my baby girls I adopted?
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20 май 2024

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Комментарии : 232

@user-ev5kf2ob5p 2 месяца назад

The only reason they would want to know so bad is because they will want to do more for the biological daughter

@ladyaphrodite379 2 месяца назад

Yeah, and? Don't you think they won't be able to tell once they start growing up and probably the bio kid starts looking more like her mom and members of the family? Also seems like fan-fiction to me, lol.

@RemixerUltimate 2 месяца назад

@@ladyaphrodite379and that’s shitty?? Both girls deserve to have equal treatment??

@Frosty89 2 месяца назад

@ThePiggyPrincessBB If they don't accept her as family then she isn't, she isn't their blood relative, so unless they accept her as family, then she isn't, you can't force a relationship on someone, because you want them to have one.

@pettsson1143 2 месяца назад

@@ladyaphrodite379 its 2 years beetwen me and my big brother. He was adopted. None ever can tell if ots me or my brother that is the ome adopted.

@afraider09 2 месяца назад

@Frosty89 blood doesn't make a family. Also, Lily is a baby why not just treat them both as new members of the family. Why out ast a literal baby because it didn't come out of their daughter/granddaughters vagina

@FreddyBoi32 2 месяца назад

NTA. I wouldn't tell them because there's a huge change of one child getting favored while the other gets treated like crap. OP is being a good mom by shutting that crap down.

@jakevex4198 2 месяца назад

That's exactly why they want to know

@ChaoticAngelKitten 2 месяца назад

@@jakevex4198 yup! I hate people like that!

@bambiehale1685 Месяц назад

Don't tell them crap bc that will affect how they treat the girls and the way they reacted send along of r3d flags

@Iflie Месяц назад

Exactly, they will only love one and do so much damage. Imagine not taking care of the daughter with two newborns because she will not let you discriminate against the sibling. That shows how incredibly selfish they all are.

@Lady_Glitter_Sparkles. Месяц назад

Nta, the only thing is lying about their birthday to your daughter, but your nta for not telling your parents

@MaiPoirot Месяц назад

Now that's a real mother.

@shayZcajun 25 дней назад

Right? My husband adopted my oldest girls from a previous very severely abusive relationship when they were 2 and 5. I've never seen one hint from him or his family that says those girls aren't theirs. His family actually paid for our lawyer.

@fatal85 2 месяца назад

If they need to know this badly. There's no way that info won't affect how they treat those children. Grandma doesn't want some fake twin taking 50% of her real Grandkid's inheritence.

@mannydcbianco 2 месяца назад

100% this. They only want to know so that they know which daughter to treat like a princess and which one to mistreat/neglect/ignore. That's the only reason they want to know.

@Anandita_Sinha Месяц назад

Yeah but the grandma isn't wrong. It's her money so she gets to decide who she wants to pass on her inheritance

@fatal85 Месяц назад

@@Anandita_Sinha "It's her money so she gets to decide who she wants to pass on her inheritance" I agree and because of that she will probably give both nothing. Which is her right. They don't have to help OP or even talk to her. But verbal abuse and constant harassment over text and dm's is too far. At some point no matter how righteous the cause. You can go to far and become the bad guy. It's a sour situation. She wanted her daughter to be treated equally. Looks like everyone is equally turning their backs on both of them.

@Anandita_Sinha Месяц назад

@@fatal85 yes they shouldn't treat them differently but also, it is their right to pass down their inheritance to whoever they want. I'm afraid op will have to tell them who her biological daughter is because of this very reason

@iami5124 Месяц назад

@@Anandita_Sinhashe has the right to do that, but op also has the right to never let any of her daughters interact with her again.

@tlioness 2 месяца назад

They don’t need to know

@jdavis7613 2 месяца назад

Why do they need to know? What does it matter? Do they want to know which child to treat badly? So they'll know which child to say to " my real granddaughter "? No thanks. They might apologize, I think they'll try to do a DNA test behind OP back.

@MoodyBluesRequiem80 2 месяца назад

@@jdavis7613 indeed

@tkiesailastname4656 Месяц назад

I can understand being super curious about which one is biologically related to her but at the same time freaking get over theirselves and respect the mother's wishes

@IkatashiPaku 2 месяца назад

NTA. They are both OPs daughters. Which ever one is adopted or bio shouldn't matter. OP has chosen to die on her hill and the family has chosen to die on theirs.

@ashleyknight2453 2 месяца назад

It makes me so sad when i hear about grandparents and other family members caring so much about who is biplogically part of the family and who is adopted in. My mother was adopted and her grandmother was cruel to her any time they were around each other claiming she was not family and never would be. It really hurt my mom, especially because she was adopted as an infant and that family was all she had ever known

@ladyaphrodite379 2 месяца назад

Yeah and it makes me sad that couples would rather have dozens of IVF attempts and even get a surrogate to have a baby that shares their DNA instead of adopting.

@broomrider4699 Месяц назад

I’m so sorry your mother was put through all that. I hope she finds peace with the fact that you love her so dearly. Bless

@Anime_Dono Месяц назад

I want to adopt and my parents have legit asked/told me so many times that I should have bio kids bc they want real grandkids and that adopted ones arent blood. I said idfc bc if I adopt theyll be my real kids and if they dont like it to bad. I told them just as I see my dog as my son and treat him well and spoil him rotten my kids will be the same adopted or not. I said the likelyhood of me having bio kids is very slim and so if they dont consider my kids to be their real grandkids they better beg my brother to have bio kids. I just dont understand why people dont consider adopted kids part of the family when people will get have so many pets and theyre part of the family

@jalenc1997 Месяц назад

I will never understand some people's need to be so attached to dna... I have been absolutely blessed in my life because after my parents got remarried I got two additional families that loved me just like I was their own.. and I was nearly grown... I literally cannot understand why it matters so much to people..

@Anime_Dono Месяц назад

@jalenc1997 unfortunately not everyone has the amazing mindset you do. Tbfh blood relation isn't even that great (talking from experience) I think people should adopt more especially if they can't have bio kids instead of doing ivf and having a kid that's only genetically one parent just adopt like the world would be a better place if kids got adopted into loving families that desperately want children

@elineedstofocus 2 месяца назад

I wonder when they'll get married. OP is NTA.

@annamargretjohannsdottir8106 Месяц назад

I was actually thinking the same thing

@781336875355 Месяц назад

At first it was like oh they're really good friends and then by the end I was like kiss already

@demonmom0293 Месяц назад

I came here looking for this, accidental lesbian family anyone?

@Child_of_the_Void Месяц назад

While I don't disagree, they are kinda accidentally lesbians, platonic partnerships can be a wonderful thing. You can definitely be in a relationship in which you share a home and raise kids together without being in love, necessarily. But yeah it's pretty queer either way

@nuclear_stardust 25 дней назад

If they get married, BOTH daughters will be biological!

@lumindoesvideos Месяц назад

"Let us know who the bio daughter is so we can treat her better" ~the family probably. NTA and that's the only reason I can think of that they wanna know so badly. Also that means they may be able to spill the beans about who is adopted before they're ready which would be awful. Also thank god OP still has Anna, she sounds awesome.

@AmusedGuitarPedals-pg9tk 2 месяца назад

NTA. Don’t tell them. They seem like the type of people to pick one over the other and use every chance they get reminding the other that she is adopted and it will be such a shit show if she grows up and realizes that she was treated differently by everyone because she was adopted.

@fmor2779 Месяц назад

The fact that the family is threatening not helping her with BOTH babies unless she tells the which is her and which is the adopted one speaks VOLUMES to me. I mean, even her friend who is not in the best place to raise a babies has shown more support than the family. This tells me how good of a relationship OP has with her friend, not so much with her blood relatives, which is ironic to me. At least to me, OP is NTA, the family is only insisting so badly to know because they care about this info, and caring about knowing something specific means they will give a judgment, in which case I suspect it will end in favoritism towards the biological child. Favoritism is damaging to children's development, one may grow spoiled while the other resented, so I don't blame OP for not wanting to tell the truth. On the other hand, I hope both OP and her friend raise the girls to be good people, so when the time comes to know the truth and the family tries to favor one to the other, the girls will know to support each other.

@GunnyMoose666 Месяц назад

OP and Anna should just move in together and co-parent. Hopefully OP's family come to their senses and stop caring which baby is which, because it doesn't matter. They're going to miss out on their granddaughters' lives if they don't shape up.

@kalezuki9231 2 месяца назад

Poor OP & Anna , sounds like OP's family are immature & insensitive about / to adopted children , they shouldn't consider one as "not your real daughter" just because she was adopted , that is so cruel to the child that they would discriminate like that even long before the baby is growing up with sis. ( because for them to care this much , throw a tantrum this much , & not just shut up about it / drop it & apologize ...it speaks volumes. They won't treat the adopted one well since they're already discriminating & saying she's not a real daughter / grand kid as though she's a fake ) Even though there's not enough info for context seems like Anna's family might be immature / toxic as well since she's having issues with her own family as well ( even if it is not directly related to child birth or kids or any thing like that ) I hope the friendship remains strong & the babies grow up happy , healthy , and successful & not ever have to deal with the immature family members & their bull crap.

@Black_golem Месяц назад

You had a very good response to this the only reason they would care is to have favoritism they’re the ones being immature for not giving it up. If they’re really so worried about depriving the girls of love, then they just give it up.

@broomrider4699 Месяц назад

They do not need to know. Personally I would just be absolutely thrilled to have two gorgeous new family members to love and spoil. The fact that your family want to love one baby more than the other is repugnant.

@gaintturnip Месяц назад

"Which one is our granddaughter?!?!"..... uh.... both?

@TheArtChickRosie Месяц назад

1000% NTAH! You are sure an amazing person for agreeing to take in your friends kid and both your daughters are lucky to have you in their life!

@Andytheratking Месяц назад

Nta I'm adopted myself and op is a saint to take her in. family, blood or not should look after one another and love unconditionally

@Raey521 2 месяца назад

Can you tell us which one isn’t biologically related to us so we know which one to treat differently? Thanks 😊

@AngelicaSchuylerChurch24 Месяц назад

Asking which is which is one thing, but implying that one is not OP’s daughter is just plain rude. Plus, they obviously wouldn’t want to know this bad if they weren’t gonna show favoritism.

@The_show_of_four 2 месяца назад

Dont tell them, they crealy dont deserve it. But wach out, they might wanna do a Dna test in your back. If what you want is caos, tell half that Rose is your dauther and the otrher that is Lilith

@mahtra.2372 Месяц назад

Yes, I was thinking about the possibility of a secret DNA-test as well. And I love the idea of telling different people different stories👍

@Thesunandallthestars Месяц назад

Nta but is it just me who ships op and Anna like dang they have chemistry

@SoSo56ish Месяц назад

Saaame lol. I was like "just fall in love and raise the girls together already! 😭"

@katrinaelyse3298 7 дней назад

I was searching for comments like these because same

@SmileMore-ui6hi Месяц назад

Your family shouldn’t care which baby is adopted, they are BOTH YOUR CHILDREN! If they can’t see and accept that then you are in the right, but I hope your family apologizes

@Amira1st Месяц назад

The mother is right about not wanting to tell them which daughter is which, because she probably knows that her family will treat them differently

@susansewall6632 Месяц назад

"Which one is our granddaughter" that statement right there is showing they want to show favoritism. I dont not claim my husbands niece's and nephews because they weren't born to my side. They are still family by law. Same with that baby girl she is still family and should be treated as such! Nts

@chiakinanami5319 Месяц назад

NTA. Them wanting to know which one is adopted is messed up because if they were to know, they might abuse the adopted one. So it's a good thing you didn't tell your family

@elizabethrogers1543 Месяц назад

This has been honestly the most responsible way that situation could've been handled and I'm glad the moms have eachother. Both families seem like TAH

@name-hu1qy Месяц назад

0:59 for people from the short

@I_am_cheeseman Месяц назад

TY😊

@leebianco3824 Месяц назад

Nta it’s ridiculous that they demand to know which one is adopted or not because they’re going to treat one differently than the other and it’s sick when people do that. You’re right to not tell them and they should be understanding that they both your daughters, blood or not. Best of luck to you. The uterus part is uncomfortably weird and a gross way to say, biological daughter in my opinion

@brianah.8409 Месяц назад

The family could still tell the girls one was adopted but at least you saved them the heartache and power by not telling your family which exactly is adopted. They deserve to find out when you want them to and not be treated differently.

@deadpoet4034 Месяц назад

You just know they won't treat the children equally when they know

@UNDEMM Месяц назад

"my best friend" yeah... SSSSURE

@irisairsoul Месяц назад

NTA because the way the family is hung up on it it shows that they aren't going to treat them equally and/or use the fact that she's adopted against her. OP is an amazing mom break down and all. And I love that even though Anna doesn't feel like she can be a mother right now, they are both co-parenting pretty great so far.

@luner_045 Месяц назад

I hope she know she did the right thing if they knew they would treated both differently or may even tell the other they are adopted before she can

@jaypeterson2117 Месяц назад

I hope this all worked out for them bc they just sounds so awful😢 they are children it shouldn’t matter who they are related to they both deserve love

@liad5451 Месяц назад

I mean i get the whole « i wasn’t really prepared and maybe they were right » but what if you gave birth to twins? Then you would have the same struggles without the family harassing. You’re trying to put up boundaries in your relationship with your family and they won’t let you, because they might feel like they can treat you like a doormat and nag you into doing things you necessarily don’t want to do. Keep doing what you feel like is right even if it’s hard for you. Anna is a real one here because she could’ve left you with the kid and go on with her life but she’s still helping you cuz you helped her.

@WalkerScobellFanGirls Месяц назад

NTA. It doesn’t matter who’s who, they are both family, blood or not. I’m adopted and my grandparents know that and sometimes I feel left out bc my brothers are actually birth kids.

@heyyitszey Месяц назад

They want to know which one they would favor more. It's not their business. They either love them both or leave

@chloesibilla8199 Месяц назад

They were basically asking which child they should treat worse than the other because they don't view the other as "real". Well she's a REAL child with real needs so that's that. Final.

@katara4907 Месяц назад

Nta, from personal experience if say a cousin knew they can be like “Oh yeah well your adopted” and for the older ones they’ll probably favor the bio child

@mildelys0 Месяц назад

NTA why would they want to know. I think if you told them they would treat the girls differently. If they considered the baby girl you adopted as family then they wouldn’t care which one was adopted.

@Girfan83 Месяц назад

NTA. There was a similar story where the grandparents were told who was adopted when the kids turned 18. Despite treating them equally for their whole lives before that, they grew distant with the adopted child after that and stopped giving them the same support as the bio child. If they don't want to see one of the children as your "real" kid then their love is clearly conditional and that's not good for either baby.

@Sage0716 Месяц назад

Honestly op and Anna just sound like eachother real family

@agirlwithglasses246 2 месяца назад

NTA I think. But I really don’t understand this dynamic op have with her bff…like, is she in the picture for the long run? Is she taking on responsibilities, or only op is taking care of them?(I know there is one instance in the last where she helped , but it’s just once here ). Is she providing monetary support for her kid ? Did op legally adopt the kid or they’re just going on with this unofficially? At one point in life , is that friend gonna ride off with someone leaving op ? I really don’t understand this dynamic. Seems very messy for them and even the kids .

@ladyaphrodite379 2 месяца назад

I agree, and this is the only rare comment that also thinks about other things. It's great that OP is a good woman who also accepts her friend's kid as her own, but maybe there will come a time when the friend will want the kid back and leave with the kid. I know all will say that OP knows this and their agreement is such, but when the time comes for it to happen it will hurt much more than we or OP can imagine.

@agirlwithglasses246 2 месяца назад

@@ladyaphrodite379 exactly! I’m kind of shocked that no one thought this, I mean in terms of this legality and what’s gonna happen in the future . I feel like this is not an ideal situation at all, op is only 20, her bff is probably in that age group too, what if she changed her mind as years pass by? People are only focusing on the family asking for who’s the biological one , which they might be mad about, but they should respect ops wishes. But this is a bigger issue than just family’s questions. Coz in the long run, it seems veryyyyy messy

@victoria6137 2 месяца назад

Tbh their freindship and current situation seems healthier then like 60% of all the marriages I've seen XD. Like 2 people who clearly carry about each other's physical and mental health? Sounds dope af. And really the chances of marriage ending in divorce and a custody battle is already pretty high

@fmor2779 Месяц назад

The thing that I find ironic, is that after the whole family shebang, the friend has stepped in to help OP more than it was intended to, the friend is giving more support than her blood relatives who insist so much to know which baby is their blood relative (If they want to know so badly, its because they want to favor one to the other). To me, this is a good example on human relationships, just because they are related to you that doesn't mean you have to be there, specially if they don't treat you well. I think there are more stuff envolved than the story tells that make OP closer to her friend and risk her family being upset at her. Something that may or may not envolve her family dynamics. And I honestly feel relieved that she is more concerned about the babies development than what her family thinks.

@athena6832 Месяц назад

No doubt the family is going to spend the next decade trying to guess which girl is blood 🙄 I want so badly for their favorite twin to end up being Anna's 🤣

@ElementRanger Месяц назад

NTA The only reasons why they would want to know which is adopted is. They’re going to favor your biological daughter and/or mistreat your adopted daughter

@Sassy_Alaskan Месяц назад

What a great heart warming story.

@reynastrange2828 Месяц назад

This is the kind of information that a person has to earn by not caring in order to learn. The extended family asking that soon which was which indicated that they wanted to treat the bio kid better than the adopted one, and if that wasn’t the case then it seems like the would have reacted differently to not being told. It’s perfectly ok to be curious, but it’s also correct for the mom to decide to only tell people which kid is which when she’s sure it won’t change how they treat either of her kids

@Quir_est Месяц назад

Marry Anna asap. She's a keeper!

@Yinand_Yang 22 дня назад

I bet they just want to know which one isn’t adopted so they can treat that one better than the adopted one

@goldilocks1894 Месяц назад

You are doing the right thing if u tell them who's adopted they will treat them better the one who's there blood that is don't do it if it didn't matter and they'd still treat them the same then it shouldn't matter if u never tell them because they are both your daughters equally and deserve to be treated as such

@rebeccaconlon9743 Месяц назад

Sounds like they want to descriminate against an innocent child... they are sickening

@madamelucia1164 29 дней назад

Lowkey going through this with my grandmother. My mom divorced my bio sperm donor and married the man i see as my father. My dads Mom (Just Grandma to me, i call moms mom Abuelita cause she a g) always wanted me to put in more effort to see her, talk to her, go to church with her. When i started getting busy in life we told her i was just a phone call away but she never reached out. Then my dad told me that he was staying with grandpa while grandma went on a trip with her grandkids and he was upset i couldnt go with them. I looked at dad confused asking what trip and what he meant? I hadnt received an invite or was even told about it since Grandma never wanted to contact me. My dad didnt know this and seemed to think i was ignoring Grandma, but she never reached out and i didn't want the drama. So Grams i know you wont read this cause you claim you dont know how to use technology but i wont cry when you are gone.

@randomnerdgeek1855 28 дней назад

I mean i would understand it if the family's concern was, if in the future the friend who is the bio mom of the adopted daughter decides to take her back and decides she doesn't want to let the family to know or see the adopted daughter would be very concerning because imagine taking care of and loving a child for so long and then she's suddenly taken away, I'd be devastated especially not knowing who it'd be being taken so i could be prepared but i doubt thats the case for the family. Personally i feel like she shouldn't have told them one was going to be adopted and just be like, he im pregnant but not giving anymore details since she had already decided she was going to adopt the child after hers was born so it wouldn't have been a problem about them interrogating her about if both were her children. Family is the ah in my opinion but i do feel that op should've kept it to herself about the adoption so she could be like, oh i had twins as a surprise or hey look i have a single daughter in case the friend felt like she wanted to keep her child last minute.

@silky0439 7 дней назад

Stand your ground! They will ultimately treat the blood related girl better. Otherwise they wouldn’t care one way or the other.

@bilindalaw-morley161 Месяц назад

It's too late, but I would have suggested just saying ,"I don't know." That shows them your commitment to a life long plan. Just say it as lightly as poss, showing them what unconditional love looks like. Honestly? ......I'm a devious so-n-so and my speciality is Being Petty. After a few years (maybe months?) they would be completely wrong footed: unable to come up with plans. Then he loses the crappy piece of paper that he says shows the plan. However, one can't just disappear off the docks. Or rather, it's difficult to say what did happen with the little one. Was she trafficked? Was she kidnapped for extortion? Some deep dark secrets can hover over the heads that already had suffered so much. Thank you for doing this. I've said this elsewhere, but would like to reiterate my appreciation of how deep and thorough your research is. I've read everything I could find on the moors murders for about fifty years but you found small details that really enhanced the atmosphere and drove the story.

@Sophia_183 Месяц назад

NTA. Listen, I’m not saying it would’ve even been such a big deal to tell them. But the way they were asking, you could tell there was gunna be favorites.

@Scout844 2 месяца назад

Nta they don’t need to know so entitled

@KotlcTheaterTree 23 дня назад

I think what your family doesn’t understand is that you telling them is not even close to being solely your preference. If the parents wanted to know that bad, you can’t expect that they would just do absolutely nothing with that information. They called only one of them their grandchild and obviously would have treated the two very differently. NTA

@lisathaviu1154 Месяц назад

NTA, but it would be better for the girls to know which one was adopted at a very young age. There are ways you can tell young children so the knowledge isn’t traumatic. I am adopted and learned very young. When I was 7 a neighbor’s kid told me how babies are made but I decided that it was so gross that my parents must have adopted me so they didn’t have to do anything so gross!

@rei..-im9eh Месяц назад

Historians will say they were ‘close friends’

@fridischi1979 Месяц назад

NTA, I think you should ask why they want to know and why is so important for them to now. Depending on your family’s answer. Then you should explain in to them why you don’t want tell, tell them it’s not important for them to know and them know would not change anything. Both of your children, adopted or not they are your daughters and always will be your daughters.

@bettianngold6407 Месяц назад

It shouldn't matter to them, they should treat them equally

@beomgyu-ah Месяц назад

They 100% want to know who to treat better since its family. They don't want to risk treating an "outsider" the same treatment for their family members lmao. OP is valid for her point, for me, once youre adopted, you're part of the family, doesn't matter if youre blood related or not. But I try to understand some people aren't that keen with having a family that isn't blood related. No matter what you preach, not everyone have empathy like others. But this is different imo, since both girls are going to be raised together by OP, she's not adopting a child whose already 10 years old and above. The family will literary be there for both of the girls' life from the start. Atp just forget whose adopted or treat them both as shit.

@iwantsifegold Месяц назад

I feel like you have a duty, so you’re adopted child to provide her all of the love you possibly can, and to ensure that she is not discriminated against keeping the identity of secret insures That your family won’t go to crazy with the discrimination due to the fact that they don’t know if they’re being assholes to the wrong kid. If they are not going to engage in the discrimination, they should not care

@RoseWillow13 Месяц назад

Yeah no, they only want to know "how to deal with the girls" after knowing which one is adopted? They're just going to neglect the adopted one. If your family had been there, Rose would have been fed, Lily would have been shaken to stop crying over a diaper when Rose needed care more because she's biological. Then you'd only have one daughter. You did the right thing keeping the family out.

@martynrich5187 6 дней назад

The only ones that need to know are the children at the right point. I wouldnt trust the motives of any one who tried to force the truth out like that. Not a good sign, and prob means they're going to be biased.

@Karalamoureux Месяц назад

NTA. First of all, even though if I was the grandparent in this situation (at least for me) I would be a bit curious as to which girl was adopted, but not for unfair reasons which your family seems to be having. If they just want to know to treat them unfairly then I wouldn’t tell them at all, but they could (most likely not) just be curious about the girls past and such, obviously these are your children, and no one should be telling you what to do so don’t even listen to me I’m just stating my opinion but I don’t think I would tell rose she was adopted too late. It could be very very confusing especially when she found out the different b days and moms and such. This might make her feel a bit betrayed, or like you just want to lie to her (which I know your doing it for the better off) but just putting it out there! Wish you the best in figuring this out, whatever you do is gonna be the right choice, and is gonna be the choice that makes you and your babies happy. Your gonna figure this out, and your gonna be an amazing mama to both girls xX.

@Ghostvix Месяц назад

NTA. But there’s an issue. If you are going to tell the adopted one she’s adopted when she’s older that is shit way to go about it. As an adopted kid I was told from very young that I was adopted. I know other kids who weren’t told found out in their teens and had an identity crisis and their mental health dipped and they were alienated and pulled away from their family because their identity wasn’t what they thought. But the family just wanting to know which one it is is weird af and they will treat the child differently. That probably won’t change with time. When/if the child is told that they are adopted the family will still probably treat them differently.

@noralevy-omari5540 Месяц назад

NTA they obviously do not feel like treating them equally

@gaboanna Месяц назад

Marry Anna, you two will be wonderful parents 😉🥰

@Koz. Месяц назад

0:56 short

@RosesAndTea66 Месяц назад

"which one is their granddaughter" bro... BOTH ARE, THEY ARE BOTH YOUR GRANDDAUGHTERS. IT DOESNT MATTER! Dont let them alone with them, they'll probably run dna tests 🙄😭

@justme-qd6qb Месяц назад

Bad family great mother. The only reason they'd need to know that badly is because they only see the biological kid as the 'real' daughter and plan to treat them accordingly. Not respecting the mothers wishes and threatening to not be there to help her if she doesn't tell them is a huge red flag and so selfish. I applaud the mom for standing her ground

@sarayasibley3939 5 дней назад

As someone who was adopted, I HATE when somebody uses the word “real” to mean biological. My REAL parents are the ones who raised me, who held me and loved me and supported me as I was growing up, and I am their REAL daughter, even if they didn’t contribute any dna.

@KathrynW3297 Месяц назад

NTA they are both her daughters, adopted or not, and they should be treated equally

@Wishingstarmik0 Месяц назад

I'm sure they'll make favoritism if u tell them Also why do they care so much ?

@ApparentlyINeedAChannel Месяц назад

Obviosuly NTA. If I were the family I may ask out of curiosity but if she doesn’t want to say then that’s not anyone else’s business. Both of her daughters are her daughters and one being adopted changes nothign

@oak8207 Месяц назад

The only time that ot would matter is in relation to medical history. That isn't something for the extended family to care about

@violet-Bella Месяц назад

i would tell i would feel like they would love the one carried by u but nit the one you didn't caring

@sierrad.7654 Месяц назад

Real family wouldn’t need to know

@user-uj6nq8bi3p Месяц назад

A Anna I love this lil family these two women have AND YOU HAVE ANNA WHO HELPED YOU NOT UOUT DISRECPECTFUL FAM i recommend calming down and standing your ground. Your stressed and maybe need a little me time so go to the spa and get someone to watch the kids or daycare your dealing with a lot

@mippettes Месяц назад

“When dealing with the girls”… yeah NTA

@deli5194 Месяц назад

what if they secretly compare your dna?

@Ali-life123 2 дня назад

Where is the dads like😅 what did he go to the store get milk or Something like

@KAT30323 Месяц назад

I have 2 sisters and people aways say your real sister and I was aways angry at them

@petaldow2640 2 месяца назад

NTA but honestly you can’t force them to accept your adopted daughter. Just because you consider her family doesn’t mean they do and they totally will treat the girls differently, however, I think you should just tell them cause maybe some of them will continue to treat them the same. Their grandma might not hit maybe your brother and parents might because that is technically still their grandkids. You should assume their reaction plus it would be good to find out their stance on your children so you know what the next step it. You can’t expect them them to however accept the adopted daughter with open arms older people don’t have the same open mindset but that doesn’t mean they won’t warm up to the babies at most. You can still love someone without being blood related and grow to love them. This could open grandmas eyes because she will be forced to treat her right if you set those boundaries. Make it know you’ll cut contact if she doesn’t treat them equally. However, I think the girls should be let around the family because family is important and they deserve to have them in their lives and get to know them. Edit: this may not be structured well and might just sound like I’m yapping because I’m dead rn

@fmor2779 Месяц назад

Sure, you cant force people to have a relationship with anyone. But we are not talking about who I decide to seat with at lunch, or play at the park or talk to at work or who I want to date, we are talking about the healthy development of A CHILD, in which case the family dynamic matters a lot. if the family insists to badly to know who is the bio baby its because they will favor one to the other and favoritism is damaging to a child's development, one may grow spoiled while the other resented, so I don't blame her for not telling the truth. So I just hope that OP and her friend raise the girls to love each other, so when the time comes for the truth to be revealed and the family tries to favor one to the other, they will know what to do. Also, its pretty ironic that they give this much importance to who is the blood relative since they are threatning to not give support at all if they don't know the truth, while the friend who initially couldn't care for the baby has stepped in to help more than it was intended to, kinda tells you that blood means nothing compared to loyalty.

@sugaringcandy1464 Месяц назад

she knows their stance, she doesn't need to tell them to find out. they made it perfectly clear what their stance was when they harassed her while she was trying to raise two infants by herself with little help just because they wanted to know who to ostracize. you mention setting boundaries to force them to warm up to both but this is exactly what she's doing. she doesn't need to tell them to do that. and not telling them guarantees that for the first years of their lives, when she's the only one who knows, they cannot treat them differently if they want a relationship with either. cutting them off makes sure they know she means business and won't let herself be walked over, nor will she take it well if they try any funny business. crazy, i know, but people who aren't the parents don't have this insane special bond with newborns they didn't carry. she's not telling so they could grow to love either of them just in case, but they're actively planning to refuse to because they don't actually feel love for these infants because they don't freaking know them and haven't been there for their births nor the aftermath. if they did already they wouldn't be asking to, love for family babies has to grow if you're blood related as well if you're not the parent, the thing is they don't want it to when it comes to her kids. hell, grandparents or uncles playing favorites of bio kids they didn't bond that much with is extremely harmful. if they can't be bothered to treat her bio kids sister like family she's just sparing her bio kid a lot of issues in the long run and not really depriving her of much. if the family agree the girls deserve to know their family they'll accept mom's boundaries and stop pestering her and trying to override her decisions

@-w-ice-w- Месяц назад

For those who came from the short 0:59

@GabbriellaDaffron Месяц назад

@lindahafner8456 22 дня назад

I would do the same....

@user-ns5sl4sb7x Месяц назад

NTA you’re family is being a bish for making a big deal out of it. They should love both of them the same if one being adopted changes anything then you shouldn’t let them see them either way

@ladyaphrodite379 2 месяца назад

Most real Reddit story.

@NM-ub6ml Месяц назад

They are going to sneakily for a dna test. She needs to not keave the kidscwith her . Horribly messy.. the mother is going to have be open with the kids and should be open with the kids. It doesn't work to lie to kids and all advice is not to from very early

@isabellavermooten2910 Месяц назад

NTA

@AbigailRajesh-ss1sb Месяц назад

where's your husband?

@catf8781 Месяц назад

I’m going to say this so you’ll know: The speed and tone of the speaker make it very difficult if not impossible for people who are hearing impaired to understand what is being said. I suspect that you've done that to attract impatient listeners who are not gearing challenged but you are excluding those with challenges. Now that you know if you don't slow your roll, we will know that you know better but have decided to use this forum to exclude at least 15% of US adults.

@raymondarobinson2228 Месяц назад

In my opinion they want to know who is the bio granddaughter so they don’t get attached to the wrong one. Imagine loving a child for years then all of a sudden them leaving because you do not share blood. And they chase after their bio family. It happened countless times, and in old age or times of need who can they rely on once you ask the bio kid or the adoptive one? It just seems stubborn to not tell them and they are right to reject support until it’s revealed because you want them to help raise your friends child what about the bio grandparents for the adoptive child they never got to know them. the friend is selfish, the family is cautious and OP is stupid for agreeing to this situation

@Random_guy749 Месяц назад

AH. Op's this kind of stunt left her actual baby without a father. Now she is gonna lose the rest of the family over this. Thats her best friend not her family's. So they have the right to know which one is their biological grandchild. And what's gonna happen if op and her best friend didn't date and remain like this? And what if her best friend start dating another guy? She can't just take care of two babies alone. That little child support from her friend won't do, the emotional baggage is gonna be huge unless they become a couple. And if not op won't have the time to date at 20 nor any guy in his right mind would date her.

@ashutoshverma237 2 месяца назад

There is a reason why baby dadies are not in picture and soon the family will be out too

@laerramarie2620 2 месяца назад

Not a loss tbh

@CurliFox 2 месяца назад

Both of these girls sound like hot messes. And the OP is beyond naive. Being a single mom of 2 at 20 is hellish. Cutting off her family is stupid. She WILL need the support and resources they provide.

@ladyaphrodite379 2 месяца назад

@@CurliFoxexactly! One sane comment in all comments! Everyone else is looking at the perspective that the family will mistreat the adopted kid, but also let's be real that this is overall a messy situation. It's great that OP wanted to help, and loves Lily like her own, but what if a time comes when Anna will want Lily back and she will leave together with her daughtet? Y'all will say how that's okay since OP was aware of that option, but that really happening will be more painful than OP or we can imagine. We just think "oh, so cute her mother wanted her back".

@emmiemia3078 2 месяца назад

@@ladyaphrodite379if OP legally adopts lily, Anna cannot ask/demand to have her back…. Legally Anna will have no claim to Lily

@RemixerUltimate 2 месяца назад

@@CurliFox and yet setting up the adopted daughter to be mistreated would be somehow better?? Clearly they’re not going to let this go, and the phrase “real daughter” indicates exactly how they’re going to treat both kids as they grow.