AITA with Disguised Toast and LilyPichu  

The person overshares, they aren’t friends and typically with those kinds of people they ignore advice. Also the way the person was talking about it, it seems as if this style of “conversation” has happened way too often. So I don’t find the person to be necessarily a ahole but it might have been rude. I find it completely justified. Most the time people need a kick of reality…

Disagree with Lily. These girls were never friends because in the post, the OP never called the other girl a friend. I think the OP’s response was fine because she didn’t sugar coat anything, and maybe that’s what the other girl needed to hear. Forget about feelings. That other girl needed to be shocked into making more responsible choices, especially at 19 yo.

She’s not an asshole. The 19 year old is the asshole, trauma dumping at a stranger that is not even close to you, and clearly knowing that you’re sleeping with random people and getting pregnant as if you’re playing tic tac toe if you’re gonna win or lose (having a baby or losing the baby) and not thinking about taking birth control or making the person you sleep with wear a condom. And then you’re expecting the stranger to give you empathy? You’re 19 years old, if you’re that way with a random stranger then what makes you fit to be a parent at that age or even ever? And 1 miscarriage is enough… but 3?! You’re clearly playing with your life as if miscarriages won’t harm your body in the future.

Not the asshole, they clearly were never friends. OP probably did make suggestions like dont go out with guys or wear protection and 19yr old of course went on as she was. I had the same experience of a girl oversharing and the only way to get them to stop over sharing and think, is to be blunt and direct

Nah. She's 100% justified.

"We're not friends" "...i'm done with her oversharing." Just like any unsolicited advise, unsolicited stories are not welcome too. If you're looking for empathy and compassion, you won't find it here. 😂😂😂

sometimes being an asshole is necessary. OP didn't want to be involved with this girl's drama and clearly judges her harshly. she wanted the girl to back off and she almost certainly wil now.

Its eye for an eye. She was being rude by oversharing her personal life without thinking about whether the other person would even want to hear. So telling her off was only fair

I mean she isnt wrong

Nta. The other girl was being rude. I think Lily disagrees because she tends to prefer that kindness but people have boundaries and when theyre not being respected, that level of civility and respect are gone.

refuses to use any form of birth control w the history of miscarriages, the using said miscarriages to gain sympathy and attention from absolute strangers. the girl has issues and she really needs to go to therapy to work through them. op not an asshole she said whay we all think.

Lily being the weird one here. When someone who is obviously doing the most unsafe acts and having that many miscarriages. Like her health is on the line. Her calling her out for her poor life choices and wanting her to stop was completely justified. If put in the same position youd find yourself also feed up with their stupid problems.

100% not in the wrong. It's a choice and you chose to fuck around, no pun intended. They're not even friends, she just doesn't know how to tell her to shut up and she can't read the room.

No, especially if she has repeatedly told her not to dump private info on her. Well gone past the polite stage. Also, she is correct.

She doesn't deserve to be let of easy. She lost that priviliege with the second miscarriage

It’s tough because the girl should’ve made it very clear that she was done with the other girl’s shit waaaay before this and yeah she could’ve been nicer about it but I also would’ve had more or less the same response. Although I do feel like there is info missing.

I don't think you've ever been in a situation where somebody was treating you like a trash can for their thoughts and experiences if you think the OP is an asshole

You can be right and an asshole at the same time

Oversharing is unwanted, OP shouldve said sorry maybe go to an obgyn, if she refuses, use that excuse to say then sorry if u cant take my advice, we cant be together. End deal. Why deal with this person this whole time, they keep oversharing bc u r her free therapist listener. She wants an audience

Friends or not. You gotta say the truth. It isnt mean to say the truth.

I'd be sick of her too. Repeatedly turning down all your options of prevention is frustrating.

I would agree with Lily if they were friends, but OP explicitly said they didn't know the person well, weren't friends with them, and didn't want to know any of this anyways. Unwanted trauma dumping can actually have HUGE negative effects on your own mental health, and OP putting up with it as long as they did is a testament to their own ability to regulate emotions.

"were not friends" she didnt owe her anything lol. Lily is nice to a fault. I can understand why she has the response she does.

NTA but definitely could've been nicer. was she oversharing? 100%. but it didn't seem to click in her mind that the two weren't friends. like lily said, there's surely a compromise between being nice/polite and getting her to leave you alone

I think the real difference to be made here isn't whether or not OP was being an asshole or not, it's whether they had a good REASON to be. I think they were definitely an asshole, but i also think it was completely justified in the context that this other girl was being an asshole and oversharing and complaining about stupid things that no one else asked to hear about.

Typically I don’t like when people over share I don’t like being told personal shit when especially when we only hang out at one place like at school or work if I don’t hang out with you outside of those places we aren’t friends but ya I don’t keep secrets nor like to keep them so don’t tell me shit

I mean if im not friends with them i dont really care about how they think of me anyways. And of course they could have said it nicer but at some point you’re just tired of it and give it straight to them no filter. Not justifying the altitude but it is a reason for the “rudeness”

We sometimes shouldn’t “have to be nice”, especially with topics like this.

3 miscarriages at 19 is fucking terrible bro, holy fuck?? That's a pretty traumatizing experience, she probably uses the dumping method because she has a lot of unprocessed feelings she can't/isn't able to handle properly because of her inexperience or lack of support in her personal life

Theres a difference between being good to someone and being nice to someone. Showing an idiot the kindness of being honest with them and showing then the reality of the situation when its clear everyone around them is gonna babygirl them so they grow normalised to their fucked situation is the best thing you can do for them. When youre 19 theres no consequences for the dumb shit you do. But eventually itll run out and the people protecting her will run out of patience. Telling her the honest truth that she isnt a victim and that its her own direct choices that led her to her own situation is the best thing anyone has ever done for her when her own parents are tacit in the behaviour. Being lind to someone is about sugar coating it and ive got a good fucking rule about it because you cant use it 24/7 . Fact is thats just walking on eggshells. And itll fuck up your patience If someone only cares about shit being polite or nice theyre living in a fantasy world and dont deserve my respect because its dishonest. The people you need to be kind to are the people who are harsh on themselves. People who cant show themselves kindness and forgivness. People who torture themselves emotionally. Taking into account peoples circumstances and treating them like a grown ass adult is respect. Op is in the right and is the nicest person in that fucking room.

If she’s gonna info dump you get the response you get

While the girl thought she was becoming friends with her so that’s why she overshared. I think it should have been communicated at first that she didn’t want to hear about this kind of stuff.

The 24 girl definitely is a good person by how she knows how to use protection, and how she advices the 19 girl to do so too. However, based on how the post written the 24 girl not state her boundaries from beginning that she is not interested to listen to the 19 girl. Thus, it leads to 19 girl treating them as friends, while the 24 girl building resentment inside without the other knowing. Then, when the pent up emotions were too much, she released them all at once someone at their low. A good person who did an asshole act.

NTA you learn that the way to tell people something they don’t want to hear doesn’t matter when they don’t know how to take personal responsibility for their actions. The girl this post is about is the epitome of someone who doesn’t know how to take accountability or personal responsibility for their actions. Being completely direct with no room for misinterpretations was probably the best way to get all thethe points across.

Idk it depends. If the poster stated before that she was over sharing them it’s totally justified, but I know people who will act like they care about your problems when people come to talk to them creation a situation where one person thinks that they are friends and the other person just finds them a nuisance until finally they reach a breaking point that could have been avoided with communication.

Seems the 19 year old thought they were close friends. After telling someone a lot of things like this, wpuld you not consider them a friend? OP probably didn't realise that. Either way, you shouldn't blame someone for a miscarriage. That's fucked up.

OP is not obligated to be kind to a person sharing info she never asked to hear. They aren’t friends, there shouldn’t be an expectation to sugarcoat the truth. Strangers don’t need to care about what they think of each other.

i mean if she made the same mistake 2 other times, then it is her fault. she knew what she was doing and i dont think foolishness deserves empathy

Not an asshole, just self-preserving and boundary-setting. But not helping either. To help there you'd need to be able to convey that same message ("be more responsible, change your behavior"), with empathy and without making them feel judged, which is incredibly hard. People usually have to train for it, it doesnt come natural to most

Great Respect to Lilys Parents of sheltering her from any and all bad things of the world, how can one person be so nice

As someone with shockingly low trait agreeableness, I just love bluntness. Niceness is obfuscating at best, outright lying at worse. Yes, she could have been nicer, and she decided not to. Someone that won't compromise their speech is worth a thousand sycophants. If anything, you should be harsher toward friends.

Being an Ahole can be justified under specific circumstances. This is one of them. Definitely an Ahole response, but definitely justified. The one making the AITA post has their own life and problems, and if the other person truly is well off and from decent wealth, then they have a good amount of options. Not only for S3xual health and preventative measures as the poster already stated, but many more options as well. Especially for mental health care. She can definitely afford to pay someone to listen to her. If she already does that and its not enough, then she needs to pay someone to teach her how to actually make friends. Then after they become friends she can slowly share difficult details of her life. Especially when you're just trauma dumping to a classmate who is 5 years your senior and says that you two dont have a formal friendship and are essentially strangers in the same class. But in all honesty, some people are simply way too messy and beyond help. Genuinely hope the best for her, but assuming the details in the post are true, i dont think she wants to make changes in her life. At least not yet.

NTA. That kind of brutal honesty can serve as a reality check. This girl is going wild and sees nothing wrong with it. She needs Jesus

A one sided talk because the other one literally didn't want to engage in any of them isn't a conversation, flipping her off was a nice call

It’s hard to feel empathy towards someone who chases trouble

Real friends call each other out. Lily has been living with Poki for too long

I would never say this personally because I'm a people pleaser but I don't think she was entirely wrong just because it was harsh doesn't mean she doesn't have a valid point.

I personally knew someone like this so I am a little biased in my answer. The individual I knew refused to listen when I told them I’m uncomfortable and was a disgusting human being. They openly spoke about abortions like it was birth control (I’m not against abortions but I do find a problem with people who use it as birth control when they could easily use condoms or actual birth control). The individual I knew even threw little hangouts with cakes that said “No baby” on it. So if the individual in the story is similar in that way - meaning they are self-centered to the point they refuse to leave OP alone after they discussed it before, then I don’t see OP as wrong. However, if the discussion never occurred and this is their first time addressing it, then they could have been more mature but I don’t blame them for reacting the way they did. When people are uncomfortable, especially over long periods of time, they lash out. I don’t blame their reaction but it does demonstrate the maturity of the individual if they never discussed their uncomfortable feelings beforehand. If they did discuss it, then it’s fair game.

NTA: 1. They are not friends not even aquaintances at most she is a seat mate 2. There is a lot of things you don't share to a stranger misscarraige is 1 of them, its a very personal matter is it not? Why tell that to someone you don't know unless your trying to fish for pity 3. This one is more feel or vibe i get from the girl, she seems to be the type of person who unless you stop them hard on their tracks they will continue doing what they are doing

OTV is now at the age to do those AITA skits that gets cut into 5 series in tiktok

damn is OP Kazuya Mishima? cuz she really went “I’m not sugarcoating it” ⚡️💨👊

She probably did tell her nicely and politely multiple times. Kinda an asshole move but sometimes there are people who just don't get it unless you are a bit of an ass. Plus she did say that they weren't friends so she definitely didn't consent to being put into this kinda situation. Yah gotta do what yah gotta do sometimes.

Is it misogynistic of me that I predicted Lily's answer?

Nah that was appropriate especially with an oversharer

Being needlessly nice hasn't gotten society anywhere good in the recent years. That girl needed the reality check before she ended up ruining a child's life.

Lily doesn’t get that they aren’t friends and OP didn’t ask the girl anything… suddenly being cornered by someone to hear their problems is exhausting, sometimes you don’t have the energy to deal with it bc you have your own problems. Yes trying to be polite and empathetic by default is great, but no one can be polite and empathetic to every human being every time, and that’s why you ASK people if you can talk to them about things such as a fucking miscarriage.

They were blunt but not an asshole. A lot of people aren’t use to people being blunt and are seen as asses for it.

I don’t think the op was wrong I been in situations like this she probably told the overshare girl multiple times how to be responsible in a nice indirect way only for her to ignore it and continue to whine I hate people like that so much like I get we all human we make mistakes but at some point you gotta take responsibility for your own life and do something instead of just whining especially if you are consciously making these decisions knowing the consequences

Honestly a 19 year old with 3 miscarriages is pretty insane so I think it was generous to even believe her at all. It’s not nice or polite but sometimes you gotta write a reality check.

Nah she did nothing wrong someone had to be straight up to her because it’s just going to repeat itself 😂

Lilly needs to limit popping the "empathy card" everywhere. NTA whatsoever!

The short answer is yes, she was an asshole. BUT, sometimes you'll find yourself in situations that you don't want to be in, in this case someone burdening you with emotional weight that you're not prepared to carry, sometimes in life, you just have to be the bad guy.

someone had to say it to her so honestly prolly better that it was blunt af

"Miscarried" yeah right.

If i dont know someone and they trauma dump on me, im gonna be brutally honest. And i wont apologize for it

Even if they were friends she doesnt deserve to hear it nicely if she continually does this with zero mentality to change, she aint the a-hole

No no...the third time would be the limit of being reckless.. i'm with the post owner for this

Oh NTA 🎉🎉🎉🎉 she dont need to be nice she just said what on her mind . Why can one trauma dumping is fine but it not right to deny hearing those problem (Psycologist exist for a reason . The girl are rich btw so there no reason to do such things ) and having miscaring 3 times should be a big warning for a 19 years old

I mean if a stranger told me way too much personal info I'd tell em to piss off

Nah. NTA. She's the one who just randomly started sharing everything.

I think the main issue is the other girl, from what it sounds like, WANTED to be pregnant and kept getting a miscarriage. So her responce of "maybe you shouldnt get pregnant" would be SUPER RUDE if my take away was correct

You’re not obligated to be nice to strangers that are trauma dumping on you in the middle of class. Edit: also I wouldn’t be surprised if the 19yr was lying about half the shit she tells OP. It’s not impossible for this situation to happen but I find it hard to believe she’s gone through 3 miscarriages without seeking any medical attention at her age and then just rolls into class and tells a stranger about it.

If you don't learn after the third time, you need to be told sternly to correct your actions. 🤷

Not really an asshole. People who overshares typically are just looking for people to dump their "problems" on, with disregard to the other's well-being. They were not friends to begin with. Once the oversharer sees she can no longer dump her issues to the "asshole", they will no longer see your purpose and find another.

No she told like it was supposed to be😊

She wasn't the asshole, just rude. But when people burst out they tend to be emotional and more irrational and instead of saying they're thought out sentences, they say what they've been thinking for a long time.

There shouldn’t be a compromise when someone is trauma dumping shit you don’t morally agree with unprovoked. I’m pro choice but I’m not for hoping to miscarry as a form of birth control

Well some people need the harsh truth to help them knock it off

She didn't have to tell her nicer she isn't the asshole by the way this is why men should be able to deny childsupport in some cases

Trying to get free therapy for things she could actively prevent makes the girl an asshole. OP was 100 percent in the right.

If a person has voluntary sex and refuses protection, and that's okay, then certainly being on the receiving end of oversharers multiple times and finally saying a sarcastic remark is also okay. In reality, both are not ok, but the problem is the degree of badness. Even assuming being kind should be the norm, an eye for an eye, especially when I am hurt more than how I'll hurt him in return, is human nature regardless of moral correctness.

Being nice to idiots is a waste of energy.

It was the way she said it but she also isn't wrong. What was wrong with her approach but I understand it but still doesn't make it less rude. But I won't say what she said isn't wrong cause she is right

NTA. Other person keeps trauma dumping, showing she has no regard for herself or any self control. OP didn't ask for her to do that.

at the end of the day you don’t owe shit to anyone

Not an asshole. You can't dump personal info on people who are relative strangers and expect them to be on your side. Seems like the girl still hasn't learned her lesson, so maybe that was a wake-up call

NTA. He gave her the reality check she needed

Lily's perspective is why people have such messed up lives like that oversharing girl cause no one ever tell it to them straight

Nah that's a chad right there

There is no way she could have said that nicer. Why would you with someone who have done the SAME THING TWICE. No, she's not the asshole

Might be a hot take but at 19 that sounds much more like compulsive lying than serial miscarriages

NA! The girl is incredibly irresponsible. Yes, it takes two to make a baby, but she chooses to sleep around with multiple people and not use protection each time?! The response was deserved and needed. Hopefully, she learns soon.

friends or not.. she aint wrong about what she said

NTA, BUT she should have made it much clearer in the before she let her continue. She should have been more direct than polite. It seems this girl has been dying to tell someone as she finally was done with keeping ut to herself. I am 19, and I overshare when I can't keep something to myself anymore. If she is well off and sleeping around and never went to an OBGYN, it means that there is a problem with her parents. She was feeling guilt for something, at least from my interpretation. I know that I go quiet when I am told to shut up when I overshare, and that means I am in emotional distress and don't want to be a bother.

Lily wrong here. That was the compromise. She could've told the oversharer to literally fuck off and I would've sided with them. Harsh life advice with a hint to Stop Fucking Talking To Me is called being a good Samaritan Lily. Pay it forward 😅

The girl isn’t wrong but you can’t say something rude and then expect to not be called an asshole lol

Not an asshole. Just the one telling the truth she could have needed earlier without any sugarcoating. I mean what did she expect, it's her 3rd pregnancy and is still surprised by it. I prefer the hard truth, instead of all that "it's not your fault" bs. If you can't take it, don't overshare privat live with anyone.

Nah she is not the AH, she spit straight up facts

i mean i feel like over time you stop caring about the other persons feelings if it is non stop

I mean who's fault is it supposed to be? It's your and your partners responsibility to be safe. 3 times pregnant at 19 is just insane.