All-or-Nothing Thinking: A Cognitive Distortion That Leads to Depression (#3)

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All-or-nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion that can make you depressed because it convinces you that if you’ve messed up, it’s pointless to keep trying. Many people struggle with these types of thoughts, but you don't have to struggle with them forever. Learn how you can overcome this type of thinking and view yourself and your life in a more positive way.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
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Опубликовано:

30 июн 2020

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Комментарии : 422

@andreeamihaelatoma9037 3 года назад

"Your worth is not dependent on being perfect" This made me cry

@Ladyblue7620 3 года назад

Me too

@joelofty6436 Год назад

Yes it is.

@mtwata 4 года назад

I think that explains why I don't have any hobbies. Whenever I see I don't meet some initial expectations, I quit. :/

@Србомбоница86 4 года назад

Yup me too,even knitting I quit always immediately

@renab.7390 4 года назад

I tend to try out different hobbies just to quit as soon as I don't see myself making any progress (esp. sports).

@brendasuepete1518 4 года назад

Interesting thought.

@lizf3857 4 года назад

Same sadly

@samisjournal2725 4 года назад

Same

@jessm613 4 года назад

"You've got to stay open to both success and failure." "Speak to yourself in the way that you would encourage a friend. If you wouldn't say something to a friend, don't say it to yourself."

@MrJoon360 4 года назад

I seriously think the way that my family talked to me and treated me made me into an All or Nothing thinker. Slowly unlearning this way of thinking.

@Si2Si2Si3 3 года назад

me too, seems like they put us in a way of thinking if we do a mistake our life is lost and we lose everything, so im constantly so afraid of my mistakes and imagining the worst scenario

@sirantoinewilliamssaintlau7355 3 года назад

@@Si2Si2Si3 I opened up buisness, created others on paper, and lots of other amazing things. I think my hope and Faith burnt out and my brain decided it had enough

@zst4052 3 года назад

Same

@rebazothman1506 3 года назад

Same

@juanitajames8443 3 года назад

Same here!

@getango 3 года назад

What really helped me to get out of this thought pattern was shifting it from "Oh I did it bad. I am bad at this." to "Oh I could have done that better. Let me do it better!" It takes practice to think this way. But once it clicks, everything gets easier, because you give yourself more and more chances to actually improve.

@canonman223 2 года назад

The issue I have is when it’s not something that can be a do-over. For instance, regretting not speaking at your mother’s funeral. Or not acting at a necessary critical moment and you recognize later it was not your true self or represented your values to not act. Forever gone are those missed opportunities and it feels like you can’t get past it and you have now put yourself on a strange new course or direction in your life. You see your life as needing to be a culmination of events handled well. But life is always just this present moment and the past is simply memory.

@brih2716 2 года назад

@getango I really like this. Thanks for sharing!

@ranant34 Год назад

Beautiful!

@emjay1249 Год назад

@@canonman223i know this well. But all u can do is accept learn from it and move on. Like u said we only have now but we like to think in all sorts of directions but now.

@Gemtiger279 2 года назад

I have been told people with depression can often have unrealistic expectations and thinking habits towards themselves, their own life, and life in general. Like seeing their own life in an overly negative way and comparing it to a fantasy life that is overly positive. Truth is there is positive and negative in most if not all lives. Becoming more balanced and realistic in the way I see myself, my own life, and life in general will support me I think.

@Србомбоница86 4 года назад

This is the most useful channel for mental issues ,I genuinely appreciate you guys ,thank you SO much 💓

@subhrajitdey5513 3 года назад

I have also bought her course from Udemy.

@marymaher4036 3 года назад

Thank you so so,so much for these options and skills about "our minds";and how we think,or think too much about how "we think".Sincerely, Mary M

@jimspencer4413 3 года назад

Emma is great! a walking ‘positive lesson’ in and of herself! and I am so grateful & thankful for her excellent work! It/she has been a great help to me, and I really appreciate it. Thank you, Emma!

@guywebster8018 3 года назад

She is awesome

@YathieshHS 3 года назад

Very true

@dearfuturejoann 3 года назад

So, what you did one month ago by publishing this video has made a huge impact on my life. I was at the point where all of my thinking was faulty. Now with the steps to use I feel some inspiration. Thank you very much. This is the first time I've seen your channel, perhaps someone higher up has placed you on my path.

@RachelRiner 3 года назад

Yessss. This is a common ADHD trait and leads to my paralyzing perfectionism. I wish perfectionism meant that my home looked spotless but it’s the complete opposite. I’m going to keep digging into this all or nothing thinking topic and I really think this will help me get things done!

@candycain1001 3 года назад

Step by step! You're on your way!

@nashfahamza5865 Год назад

1.Notice how you are thinking - Using extreme words, Notice in which scenarios they occur, look at them instead of through them 2. Does this thinking help me live the life I want to live? 3. Name an emotion instead of the distorted reality ex : No one likes me - I feel lonely 4. Explore other ways of seeing the problem - What do i learn that will help me do better next time 5. If we really want to change our thinking, we have to Chose to be vulnerable 6. Practice self compassion It also helps me to take a couple of deep breaths relax and look at the broader perspective. To remind myself how far i have already come.

@Србомбоница86 4 года назад

Yes ,people telling me to see positive made me so arrogant and even more anxious at one point in my life ,positive thinking made me even delusional and than the fall will eventually come and depression later than gets worse than before ,positive is just as extreme as negative

@theaditya752 4 года назад

same with me.

@lorenzosteele2531 3 года назад

may you find balance my freind dont be to positive or negative just be realistic. Be a practical dreamer backed by action. You can do anything but you have to have a reason why always question things and continue to learn always emty your mind to learn new things

@lalunacee9168 3 года назад

@@lorenzosteele2531 to find realistic balance requires thoughts and emotions be channelled appropriately. Think of emotions and feelings as food fot he soul/heart. Challenge thought's don't dismisses. Just stay away from 2nd hand emotions research how to raise your emotional vibrations. Positive thinking will get you so far but emotional intelligence needs educating. Resesrch words like traits if personality. Personality and elements. Get more idea if how we all react.

@lorenzosteele2531 3 года назад

@@lalunacee9168 I just find heaving balance works for me so not to positive or negative

@lalunacee9168 3 года назад

To find that we both more blessed than some then

@teewinot78 4 года назад

New subscriber here. Thank you for this video. I have depression and an ED. Black and white thinking has been a consistent theme since I first developed depression 12 years ago. I often wonder how many opportunities were missed because of this way of thinking. What’s funny is that I was much better at seeing the shades of gray when I was a kid. I remember playing sports and being very accepting of not always winning, but also being determined to improve and to get up and try again. In 6th grade, I was the worst clarinet player in band. By 8th grade, I won “most improved student” and made the all-city symphony. I never felt defeated. I felt like I had an opportunity to improve, which is really such a gift. Amazing that my thinking was more refined and productive as a kid than it has been as an adult. So, instead of feeling defeated and remorseful for spending so many years as an “all or nothing” thinker, I am seeing an opportunity to improve. I am accepting of my faults and weaknesses, celebratory of my strengths and wins. I am not defeated; I am curious.

@davemorrissey9133 4 года назад

Teewinot Fantastic points you have spoken🙂

@jamesgoh3719 3 года назад

success is getting up each day and giving everything your absolute best, regardless of results. Please the people you see who are worth your time and who are genuinely interested in you

@veiganovoa 4 года назад

I'm so thankful for such a sensible speech... Please, continue with your chanel. I'm sure you're helping tones of people.

@johnnguyen7171 3 года назад

I know for a fact that it has helped at least one person.

@PeaceboneGotFound 4 года назад

Wow, I needed this 😌 I've been realizing lately that I'm pretty hard on myself. I've been telling myself lately things like "I haven't made ANY progress in my career in five years," and I'm trying to step away from all-or-nothing thinking and into the realization that I am making progress even if it's not huge or exactly what I imagined!

@crawlinginfilm9683 4 года назад

12:12 "choosing to be vulnerable" - right on the point!

@crawlinginfilm9683 4 года назад

09:56 not saying "focus on the positive" - really good: realistic, sustainable

@greentea7539 3 года назад

This is me when it pertains to dieting! If I mess up with one spoonful of a food on the "do not eat" list then I will not exercise or eat well for the rest of the day. As a matter of fact, I will pig out on ice-cream and chocolate candy. This is a never ending battle in which I am always at a loss. Hope I can be more mindful of this and change my way of thinking.

@goldieh7121 4 года назад

Some great ways to look at difficulties and mistakes in life. Some of us we're not taught healthy ways to deal and one reason we think in all or nothings is because we were taught this growing up. My parents were always saying "it's probably for the best you don't even try, honey". It was their way of keeping me dependant on them and enmeshed.

@candycain1001 3 года назад

My parents were the kind that would tell me that they knew I was going to fail, but I was stubborn and was determined to embarrass them anyway. They always said that they were justified in watching me crash and burn. I was suicidal at 12.

@goldieh7121 3 года назад

@@candycain1001 So sorry you went through that. Our parents were so immature that they needed to put us down as children, the easiest target. Of course we are going to fail, we were children in the process of learning. It was up to them to help guide us. We survived despite them.

@muhammadnaumanbanday5552 4 года назад

I loved the fact that you said you shouldn't always think positive with reasons as well. I always thought the same. Positive thinking shouldn't make you lose who you are - a human being.

@jeremychamberlain-cjeacomm937 4 года назад

I love how this video itself puts you on the first step of combating this thinking, be aware of it. Thanks for the insights!

@winniemaldonado304 3 года назад

I hope you know how much your helping people and how desperate they can feel when they need this help and can't find it. From the bottom of my heart , thank you for your videos. Please continue to make them.

@hindhemaida9094 4 года назад

I want to thank you for all the information I have learned from you. You are such a blessing. I get to understand my self better and deal with my problems with knowledge. Please post often.

@angelerodrigue1843 3 года назад

This is so helpful! I just discovered this channel and am so grateful to have found it. Blessings to Emma for giving so generously of her time and her knowledge.

@sarakowalski20 4 года назад

Thank you so much for making these videos. They are really helping me make sense of...basically everything. You are making a difference in peoples' lives.

@lauraschell7260 3 года назад

I hope you know you’ve given hope and now information I’ve been looking for to heal my depression. I haven’t gotten up in almost 3 days, not only that, I don’t feel alone. Thank you ❤️

@lennorai 2 года назад

I genuinely think you have saved my life through your videos. Thank you for everything you do, I hope your videos will continue to help others. 😊

@13KumikoYui29 3 года назад

After 3 years of searching I just started cognitive therapy. This was our firtst topic, and this video was a great addition to my session. Thank you!

@seapearltoo1 4 года назад

Wow! This was so timely and spot on for me today. I was struggling this morning thinking about my marriage, and seeing it only through an "it's already failed" lens. I saw this video and watched it before i left for work. Then i received a message from someone at work who referenced a quote by her signature about how we can't grow if we stay in a place out of a fear to stay safe. Your video and the quote really made me check my "thinking" and how i need to stay open to life and love especially during the toughest times! Thank you so very much for all of your hard work and willingness to share! Blessings to you and your Family Emma

@AzetheReal Год назад

I really want to hug you. I’ve been struggling to identify my issues and I got stuck. Started talking to myself again and doing some shadow work and this video has been one in a long time of mental health videos; this one scratches my brain and I can fully internalize it. Thank you so much.

@giancarlorodriguez8623 2 года назад

I suffer from BPD, and this is so helpful. I realized looking at this video that a lot of the things that I say to myself with all or nothing or black and white thinking are not true at all. It took just watching this video to realize that my self image is distorted and the way I think of myself a lot of times is not who I really am.

@ljkoh20052000able 3 года назад

Yes, self compassion. Its something like, "to love your neighbor as yourself." Thank you for your wise words

@Animalsarebetterthanyou 3 года назад

I woke up very anxious today and your videos are the best thing that’s happened to me in a while!

@amyd4146 3 года назад

Thank you for making these videos. It’s been helping me understand, and help family who has depression. It’s a long journey, but it’s easier to use these tips along with therapy.

@mojonewslk Год назад

I genuinely appreciate you guys ,thank you SO much

@khaIid624 4 года назад

I like your approach to this topic because it's unlike anything I have ever heard from any therapist.

@estherann7407 4 года назад

Emma, you're doing a great job! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and advice, I appreciate you!

@fruitlover1157 2 года назад

This should be taught in school. It must be a part of the curriculum. You are such a great teacher in the way you help people understand concept. Such valuable content.

@lancy2501 3 года назад

Thank you for your videos which every reader can easily relate to. As others have written, you have the perfect voice and attitude for successfully conveying your expertise, in the simplest terms possible, as a psychologist to the viewers of your videos. Your expertise, time and efforts devoted to sharing your expert knowledge to us, the viewers, is greatly appreciated. Furthermore, I am personally pleased to observe that you are a psychologist who obviously practices what you preach. Please accept my appreciation and best wishes.

@juliospeaks 3 года назад

Your videos are really good! This video helped my fiance feel better. She's currently in a PHD Psych program so she tends to question the data when others try to help, because she also knows the research. I can tell from her response that you know what you're talking about. Thank you for posting these!

@daniloadomaitis 4 года назад

Your thoughts are so coherent. I love them! Thank you !!

@Bluemgwes 3 года назад

You are a literal angel. Thank you so much for all that you do with this channel ❤️

@67marlins Год назад

Poor Emma.....if you cried in an interview that just makes me wish I could hug you! It shows you're kind and fluent with your feelings- a beautiful person. I wish I you the best, always. Kind regards.

@madz2013 3 года назад

Boy am I glad I found this video. All or nothing is the mindset I apply for pretty much my entire life. It is such a hard thing to break out of

@carolynmcconnell2833 3 года назад

EXCELLENT!!!! Thank you so much. I'm so glad that I came across your expertise. God bless you ....you are a wonderful communicator, so natural, so helpful. xx

@LowKeyTroll 4 года назад

Wow! This is exactly what I am working through with my late-diagnosed ASD.

@nicolebarnes3617 3 года назад

Thank you SO SO much! You have been so very helpful to me with my depression and identifying my negative self talk and how to identify and work through my emotions. These are skills I never was taught.

@shyaaammeneen63 2 года назад

Nicole, How are you now? Be careful what you feed your mind. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Avoid comparing with others, reduce negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed, avoid moving too much and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Never meditate with expectations but with awareness. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations before sleep, in college, at work, taking a walk, when reading, etc.etc anywhere-anytime. . Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Best wishes--Counsellor.

@crybebebunny Год назад

This is such a needed video. Please make a few more videos on this subject.

@brendaoro2951 4 года назад

I just had an interview (Ive been waiting for It since march) and after all this time finally they told me i wasnt the right fit for the role. THANK YOU I REALLY NEEDED THIS VIDEO

@MsOaktree11 2 года назад

Wow, I don't remember how I stumbled on your channel but very grateful, your words are definitely resonating; just wanted to thank you so much for what you're putting out there, very timely for me. Just went through a 4,000 mile relocation for my job and definitely noticing some of this all or nothing thinking as I adjust to a new place new home new challenges ...this was just incredibly helpful tonight. Thanks very much, Emma.

@middleearth8809 4 года назад

Thank you for this talk, I needed it today.

@sarahong9317 4 года назад

Wow this explains my thought process behind every sport I used to love then suddenly quit because I felt like I was getting worse, despite winning state competitions and performing well.

@robbyjohnstone3256 4 года назад

For me it was art once I started feeling like those who I showed my art to didn't care; I stopped showing people and was left with my self as a critic, my inner critic is a jerk!

@davemorrissey9133 4 года назад

Sarah Likes Pineapples Over thinking/analysing is draining.. 🙂☘ that's the truth, simplicity is key to sound mind

@nilufertalibova 3 года назад

Great video Emma! So thankful to you for sharing your valuable knowledge with people and so happy to find your channel😊

@LandoftheIn-Between 4 года назад

Thank you for this video. I struggle immensely with black and white thinking and always struggle to find reasons why I shouldn’t mentally whip myself for making mistakes. All of your advice feels incredibly helpful and I hope that my subconscious can take enough of it in so I can respond with more self-compassion in my next cognitive distortion.

@ceraz052 4 года назад

I love that I found your channel. These are great videos to remind me to be mindful of these bad habits.

@ZombiBunni_ 4 года назад

Thank you for these videos. I can’t afford therapy or to go out rn as a high-risk individual, but this gives me access to skills I can use to help me until therapy becomes an option again. This is just the first one I’ve watched, but I already feel a heavy weight lifting from my chest, so I am quite hopeful & excited to see more!

@noremac4807 Год назад

I really feel for you. I’m busy reading a book by Russ Harris called “The Happiness Trap”. It’s based on ACT, like many of Emma’s videos. I have found the book eye opening. It might be something that could help you too. Take care fellow life traveller. Life is tough, but so are you

@connietan5170 4 года назад

Just the thing I need to hear. Thank you.

@briannaw.7226 4 года назад

Thanks for the video. The timing was befitting to my personal situation.

@natyoussef7103 2 года назад

Thank you sooo much for sharing your care and knowledge!! This was so helpful to me!! Thank you thank you!! Never stop!! Your work is helping and blessing so many! ♥️

@drewjames1778 3 года назад

Beautiful heart and soul! Thank you so much for your work.

@williamli7477 4 года назад

Thank you Emma, i like how you sound it, very warm and caring

@jodybrug5523 4 года назад

Thank you Emma! I really needed to hear this today. I lost my husband to cancer this year. Today I was fixated on the thought that no man will ever find me desirable ever again because I’m 48 yo. I will work on this harmful thinking. Thank you so much!

@Србомбоница86 4 года назад

Staying alone is not bad either ,we also have to enjoy our own companies and love ourselves too 💓

@rickspalding3047 3 года назад

Greatest ever, agreed.

@joaniemiller4362 2 года назад

I’m doing your big course. I just want to say this playlist is great thanks.

@ihsanerayketenci 9 месяцев назад

you are a big heart for me madam! thanks for being there.🧡

@carolhopetyler2178 3 года назад

Thank you Emma. Your videos are so helpful.

@jameseckman530 Год назад

Thanks! This is helping me more than I can express… I’m a work in progress, but these videos and your courses are making it waaay easier.

@ValsMind 4 года назад

This, in my 36 years of living, is the most informative video I’ve run to to! I totally suffer from all or nothing thinking for a long time. I’m self critical, but I soothe & encourage my friends and family! So backwards! I knew I had an issue, but didn’t know what it was called or HOW to alleviate it. I’ve also had a similar experience with job interviews...to the point where I formed a phobia of interviews!! Ughh😅 Thank you for sharing.

@zeeman4871 4 года назад

Thank you ! You made me feel better and hopeful

@tabithapowell7326 4 года назад

Thank you soooooo much for these videos! They have helped me so much! 🥰 God bless you!

@fvvsantana Год назад

You are amazing! Thank you so much for your videos, you're helping me so much to deal with my relationship and with my life overall ❤

@Treenabeaner 3 года назад

I can’t afford therapy so your account is so helpful. I’ve had a few concussions within the last year and I’m having to relearn my intuition and understanding my emotions again. I am so grateful for your channel and the amount of work and dedication you put into it. ❤️ thank you for being an amazing and helpful individual by creating this content.

@belfakihcharaf2999 6 месяцев назад

It is better to read the book Criticize the Child Within You, in which you will know everything, even the qualities of a good doctor, childhood traumas, and how to treat them.....

@jamaicaorlando198 4 года назад

Thank you so much. Your videos really help me a lot.

@garydelgaudio5364 Год назад

Great info another words ,,evaluate,,,an apply, get comfortable being uncomfortable at times !!!

@emilytan2854 Год назад

Thank you for all your videos. It is so helpful, therapeutic and healing! Appreciate you!!! Keep up the great work.

@vintagenow 4 года назад

"your worth is not dependent upon being perfect". Damn doc, Damn...that's some next level sh*t. Thank you!

@JohannaVeerenhuis 2 года назад

You help me sooooo much!! I knew there was a way out of anxiety, but I couldn’t figure it out completely by myself. I thought of you and what you’ve taught me when the dentist filled my cavity this morning, while crying and shaking because my dental health -neglection by my parents when I was a kid- is part of my mental health problem. Dear Emma, I’m SO greatfull for your decision to try to help people all over the world, for free. ❤️

@shyaaammeneen63 2 года назад

Johanna, How are you now? Be careful what you feed your mind. To feel better reduce negative thoughts and overthinking. Avoid comparing with others, reduce negative social media and avoid constipation as it affects the mind instantly. Your breathing is closely related to the brain [mind] and gives relief from stress-anxiety. To relax sit on a chair or lie down, neck straight, eyes closed, avoid moving too much and observe the sensations of your incoming--outgoing breath at the entrance of the nostrils for 5-10-15 minutes or more. Never meditate with expectations but with awareness. Don’t fight your thoughts. With daily practice the mind will relax. No deep breathing needed. Observe your breath sensations before sleep, in college, at work, taking a walk, when reading, etc.etc. Like me, make this a lifetime daily habit to have a better life. Best wishes--Counsellor.

@giruksen 2 года назад

This was so important. Thank you

@DrShivaTarle8579 3 года назад

U talk so sensible. Ur words are simple and helpfull. Im Neurosurgeon n going thro hardest part of life with divorce by A narcissistic life partner..u can understand huw much my brain n thot process is twisted, but i listened to ur talks..n its really helpful.

@thecreativemastermin 4 года назад

Excellent advice on rejection! Thank you for this Ms. McAdam!

@johnhealy4647 4 года назад

Wow, this has been my story since I was very young . Thank you for sharing your profession!

@jeffjgarrett269 3 года назад

You're a beautiful soul. Thanks for sharing.

@pankajthakrar1679 4 года назад

Thank you, this was very timely for me. I’m very grateful for your help and explanation. Thank you 🙏🏽

@reasondubenion9750 3 месяца назад

This is probably the best mental health advice on overthinking on RU-vid

@jjaytroche123 4 года назад

This is gold! Thank you 🙏

@shelbynorthrup5535 4 года назад

This was incredibly helpful, thank you so much💚💚💚💚

@jessicavandyke9339 3 года назад

Love and Adore You!!! Thank you for helping me work towards getting out of this pit of hell

@shalomchild7414 Год назад

This is beyond helpful, thank!! you.

@abhisekdey6428 3 года назад

You are to kind I feel very comfortable to see each of your video..

@evangelinesantarosemond9695 4 года назад

You look gorgeous in this video 😍 from India. Thank you so much for doing these videos. They have helped me come out of a lot of traps. Helped me process my emotions bottled up for a decade or even more. God bless you.

@yeweibin5495 3 года назад

What a wonderful video, I will certainly re-watch several times!!

@ruthberman6488 3 года назад

I'm officially obsessed with these videos :). TY for doing these!! :)

@marsifying 3 года назад

Thank you Emma, it's really what I need this time

@guadR777 4 года назад

i always fall into all or nohing feeling all through ny life.. thanks for making this vedio all your vedios are really helpful.. thanks alot Emma

@sentientAl 3 года назад

Thank you. I’ve had the all or nothing mindset ever since I was like, ten. It’s been a latent but destructive issue that’s affected me in school and jobs.