In the Netherlands you must first get married at the municipality and then you can also get married in the church if desired. Without a municipal wedding you are not officially married. If you want a divorce, you must first be removed from the marriage register in the municipality (after the divorce has been pronounced by the court) and only then will you be officially divorced. Municipal wedding and church wedding do not have to take place on the same day, but this is often done within 1 week. For example, getting married at the municipal on Monday and getting married at the church and the party on Friday. Just like in Germany, witnesses are needed from the bridal side and the bridegroom's side at the municipality. Every now and then there are bridesmaids, but these are always very small children who scatter flowers. There are no bridesmaids or best men!
In NL we don't do the breaking-porcelain-thing. Getting married in a church is a personal choice and not required by law. The real-deal is the wedding ceremony at the magistrate's office.
Here in Austria, many people get married in church even though they don't go to church for a whole year. It's simply a tradition and has little to do with religion.
a diamond is usually on the engagement ring. But wedding rings, since they are to stay on the finger all day everyday for the rest of your life, are supposed to be rather simple, not impede you from doing any tasks that involve your hands, and remain easy to maintain for years and years to come. My parents wore their wedding rings for more than sixty years. Having elaborate stones or intricate designs on them, would not make them last that long if worn all the time.
My grandmother's gold wedding ring was literally a 1mm thin loop of wire when she died. I can't imagine how much hard work it took to wear it down to almost nothing.
@@hape3862 same here. I have and treasure the worn out wedding bands of several of my ancestors…. Fancy rings only really worked for people who never intended to work with their hands…
Hi Joel, I had to google it and these days it's just 18% of couples who also marry in the church! In this case you would split the wedding on two days. Maybe go to Standesamt and have lunch or dinner with the Trauzeugen, parents etc. and have the church wedding with a big party afterwards on the next day.
Don't break glass for the Polterabend, it's bad luck, especially mirrors, only porcelain and ceramic are broken there. The couple has to sweep it away over and over again (as it's not all thrown at the same time), a symbolic act for them working together.
In most of Europe, since about 200 years, only civil unions are recognized as legal weddings. It came about with the Napoleonic Wars and the Code Civil, the new Civil Law, that was imposed by Napoleon on the conquered countries. As a wedding has legal consequences, only the wedding performed by a public clerk is considered valid. In German, there are even two different words: Hochzeit, that's the legal affair, and Trauung, that's what you can (but are not forced to) do in private, e.g. having a church wedding.
In the Netherlands, the witnesses also have to confirm that the marriage is legal (they don't know about bigamy, for instance) and done out of free choice. They have to sign the wedding papers. Another tradition is that friends prank the married couple's house or car. For instance, they'll blow up 1,000 balloons and put them in the house. Most couples here don't wed at the church at all. There is the registration, a reception for congratulations with cake eating, a fancy dinner with close family and friends, and finally a big party!!!!!
Sounds exactly like here in Germany. A prank can also be to cover the whole floor with plastic cups (filled with water) on the way to their bedroom. So the couple, after an already very demanding and long party, they have some work to do before they can "go about it". That's the classic!
In Germany the wedding at the civil registry office is mandatory. Usually only two witnesses accompany the bridal couple but nowadays it is also possible to do the ceremony which takes about 15 to 20 minutes without witnesses. The wedding at the church is optional. At least there will be the party or reception. It´s the bridal couple`s decision whom they invite and how many people and where.
That church wedding are not legally recognized goes back to Bismarck and his culture war against the catholic church ("We don't go to Canossa!"). In 1874 the civil marriage was established as "legally binding" and replaced the church wedding, firstly in Prussia and then in the whole German Empire. And now 150 years later it is still that way, even Bismarcks culture war died with his chancellorship.
To be precise. Just as in The Netherlands, there is no state marriage and then a church marriage. The state marriage is the only one. What happens in church afterwards is called a Blessing of that marriage. In fact, the pastor or priest is bound by law to verify that the couple is legally married by the state, before any church ceremony. If not, he risks jail time, for having a “marriage ceremony” for a couple that isn’t legally married. Of course, the blessing ceremony in church is optional. In the US or in the UK it’s in fact the same. But there, for practical reasons, the state has given pastors and priests ‘civil powers’, to act temporarily on behalve of the state.
Yes. In some countries the civil marriage must precede the church wedding if it occurs, in others both can happen during the same event. But either way it's the civil marriage that is required for the marriage to be legal.
A friend of mine got married secretly in front of the registry office. They then went to their parents' house and invited them to dinner and then told them that they had got married. That was 15 years ago and they are still married.
I think in most european countries there is the official wedding and a church wedding, but that is not the official wedding. Here in the Netherlands most people don't do a church wedding only the official. According to the latest statistics 55% of the Dutch people are not religious
The wedding rings are truely kept very simple in Germany. I guess this is not only because of monetary but also of practical reason: the rings are worn 24/7, even at work and so a simple ring won´t annoy you especially when you are a handcrafts man. Diamonds can fall out from the setting. But I also know couples only the wife is wearing a ring.
The difference is not so much between Germany and the USA , it is more between Europe and the USA . There are only a few countries where people feel that the church wedding is the important one
It's not so much what the people feel, but what the state thinks (or thought) how far the separation would need to be. I live in The Netherlands, which has laws like in Germany, but my parents-in-law always celebrated their church wedding, which was about 3 months after their official wedding.
@@framegote5152 - that's a Roman Catholic thing and as Dutch person, I would consider it fundamentalist RC. We should add that the marriage in church can only take place after a civil marriage was signed, supervised by a certified sworn-in marriage civil servant. In fundamentalist RC circles, the 3 months is/was about the norm. How "Rome" invented this idea, beats me, other than imperialism. Nowhere in Christianity there's an instruction that it should be this way, except the "give the emperor (state) what they want." Also, it's not an old Germanic tradition. In one deeply, fundamentalist, protestant Christian region in the NL, probably with very old Saxon roots, the tradition was to announce the wedding - engage - after which the couple would try to get pregnant. If that did not succeed, they would apart their ways and try their luck elsewhere.
That's sad and pathetic. Thinking religious and cultural costumes is a bad thing? The church IS the first law that we had, thanks to its contributions to law (and other fields) we have systems and laws like marriage so yes it is important.
@@jpdj2715don't worry about Christianity or RC , worry about your lil Netherlands will become a Muslim Nation comprised of 70% immigrants by the 2050...
@@jpdj2715"Rome invented this, besides imperialism" 🤡 and what does that have to with anything? IMPERIALIST existed in all ancient civilizations, also Rome is a great civilization that contributed a lot to humanity when the Netherlands was still underwater. Also "give the emperor (state) everything they want" #2🤡 I and most sane people would rather do that then give to the manipulative and secretive governments who represent true evil.
Especially nowadays where you have so many different religions coming together and not everyone might feel comfortable in a church 🙂 PLUS... it will cost a lot more to do both 🤑
Many European countries have an official wedding for the state, most of the time in city hall. A church wedding is then done depending on your religious views and even family heritage, aka. they do it because their family insists.
@@DeeManson Weddings can be as expensive or cheap as you want. There's always a cheaper version available. You just have to settle for a less popular time or place.
I went to a friend’s wedding in a village in France. We all met at the town hall for the civil service, then walked to the church arm-in-arm with our partner (or another single person) for the church service. Don’t panic, it was a 3 minute gentle stroll.
Something about Polterabend = Crashing evening: It‘s a tradition that today is mostly done in rural areas or where the couple knows a lot of people, because they are part of a sports club or of the voluntary fire department. It‘s usually taking place on the evening before the marriage at the registration office and everybody somehow related to the couple is welcome to come to this party: close and not so close friends, neighbours, colleagues from work, colleagues and friends from the same sports club etc. Everybody is expected to bring something made of porcellain/earthenware to shatter on the street or in the yard and each time the couple has to come out and brush the tiles away and maybe have a drink with the new guests. I have seen guests crashing just a tea cup, others bringing old toilets with them but I have also seen a lorry load full of roof tiles shattered on the street, or a big lorry where just a tea cup rolled out of the truck. This party is very informal and you show up in your casual wear. It is meant mainly for the people who are not invited to the official wedding reception.
Hey ... there are sooo much more traditions i miss here but yes (like i know from a couple of weedings) in that order ... Polterabend a day before (smashing porcelain and party) at day wedding morning register office, than wedding at church, than wedding party at a special location ! If you steal her it's a minimum of a 50l beer to get her back 😉 and there a much more traditional 'games' depends of the region ... my fav here is to steal the key and 'prepare' the bedroom maybe the hole apartment lol rice in bed, floor full of plastic mugs filled with water and so on lol love it 😅
The ring with the big rock in the States is the engagement ring, not the wedding ring, which is also a simple band. After the wedding, the bride is supposed to wear both of them together with the wedding ring on top of the engagement ring to show that she is „locked up“.😂 I have known a few Germans who wore their wedding rings on the left hand during the engagement and then switched to the right hand after the wedding, but this is not terribly common. There will usually be a reception or party after the civil ceremony (if people want one). The two witnesses usually give speeches at the party. A few years ago, I was the witness at my best friend‘s wedding. When I asked him what was required of me, he said: „Sign!“ But at the party that evening, the friends at the table where I was sitting told me I had no choice; I had to give a speech. So I quickly jotted down a few notes and gave an impromptu speech that even got a number of compliments. One thing you might note here. Clergy in the USA are licensed as representatives of both the church and state, which is why only one ceremony is usually performed. In Texas, anyway, the final words of the wedding ceremony are like this: „By the authority vested in me by Almighty God and the State of Texas, I now pronounce you man and wife.“ I suspect the marriage would not be legally recognized if that last part were not stated or if the performing minister did not have the state license.
A lot of couples do both at the same day, or - as mentioned in the video - month or sometimes years later. It doesn't matter what you do first or second.... there are people who just like to party twice. But only the civil reggistered wedding grants you tax benefits... 😛 Usually only a small number of people (parents, groomsman...) go to the civil wedding and a far higher number go to the church or the celebrations after to share the special day. Non-religious people usually wouldn't do the church thing and would maybe have someone to speak in a free structured ceremony. Some don't want no fuss about it at all and just do an appointment at the town hall, go there, get married and be happy. Or invite a couple of friends or even a large number of family and friends. - I've seen it all.
Hardly anyone gets married in a church in Australia now either (it is recognised by the state though). In the last 10 years, I've been to about 12 weddings and the only one in a church was a Greek Orthodox wedding. About 4 have been in vineyards, most of the others in parks & gardens (including my own) with secular celebrants.
7:40 The wedding bands for the bride and groom are usually identical (other than the size obviously) and are worn more or less around the clock so having this simple design makes it fit to any outfit both male and female and ensures it's not getting in the way. Also I (25M) wouldn't want to carry a big diamond on my finger all the time.
There are a few more traditions connected to a wedding, or the lack thereof, that can vary from region to region. One custom in my area in the north is that a man who isn't married by his 30th birthday, will be taken to the registry office by his friends, preferably on the very birthday, and has to "officially" sweep the stairs in front of the building. That is of course accompanied with drinks and sometimes snacks, and passersby who usually know about the custom stop to cheer him up together with his friends. On one of the two occasions (civil or church) some friends might bring a tree trunk and wooden trestles, and the couple will have to cut the trunk with an old saw before they are allowed to enter the venue. One task could be that two friends hold up an old bed sheet with a big heart painted on it. The couple would have to cut out the heart with scissors, then the groom has to carry the bright through the heartshaped hole in the sheet.
From an American perspective, there is a very important difference to Germany that is missing in this video. In the US, it's traditional that the bride's father escorts the bride down the aisle. In most of Europe, it's traditional that the couple just walks down the aisle together. Actually, a lot more progressive-minded Europeans think the American custom is horrifyingly patriarchal because it represents the idea that the bride's father hands over the bride to the groom as if she was a commodity to be sold. I mean, this is where this custom historically originates from.
where did you get that idea from? the bride walking down the asile with her father is common in germany too. i never heard anyone say that it's "horiffiangly patriachal" or negative.
In the UK the father of the bride or mother gives her away and walks down the aisle with her. It’s just a tradition but I’m sure if the bride chooses she could walk down on her own but not common.
You don't have to marry at the town hall first and then at church. You could do both things when ever you want to. Some do it the same day and others _several month later..._ it's up to you. But only the civil wedding grants you tax benefits... :-P Usually you won't bring too many people to the civil wedding at the town hall: Family, bestman and maybe some friends. But it's common to invite more people to church (if you do that) and to the celebrations at the wedding location or restaurant. Since most churches don't do gay marriages and a lot of people aren't religious anyways some couples pay someone to do some kind of speach and officiates a free wedding ceremony at the wedding location instead of church. Wedding can be huge and include town hall, church and party in a long party act of around 20 hours (all together). SOme invite several hundred people. But they can also be very small, if you just take your partner to the town hall get the papers done and go home. It's all possible and be seen.
Couples where one or both belong to a church congregation will usually have a “church wedding”, of course only after they’ve been legally married at the registry office (Standesamt). The church wedding is often like a kind of short service with the extension for the wedding added, the bridal couple will be given the Blessing by the priest resp preacher, sometimes also the Holy Host (Sacrament). The church wedding often takes place on the weekend, i.e. Saturday, so the celebration/big party can last all or most of the night, and people have Sunday to recover. Sometimes there are weeks or months between the official state recognized marriage and the church wedding. The registry offices are usually only opened Monday through Friday. Couples who do not belong to a church congregation might still have a BIG “white wedding” but will choose a wedding “location” instead, castles are a favorite, old mills, private gardens, a restaurant with a large garden, and the ceremony might be officiated over by a professional „free wedding speaker“. There are no restrictions as to who may officiate, as this wedding ceremony has no official standing. I was married only in the registry office over 46 years ago, never had any additional wedding ceremony and never missed it … and still married to the same guy. At our son‘s marriage at the registry office, on a Monday, very few people attended: parents of the bride & bridegroom and the witnesses (and their partners), plus the brother of the bride and his fiancé. There was toasting with bubbly (champagne) right afterwards, and then we all went to the Italian icecream parlor around the corner. (It was May and rather sunny.) No rings were exchanged at that ceremony, our daughter in law wore her engagement ring, which was a classic diamond solitaire, a very small one by American standards but of very good quality and color. On the following weekend the big white wedding took place, at a „wedding location“ (old mill with huge garden, catering etc), around 80+ people attended, a (rented) classic cabrio brought the bridal couple, chairs and benches were set up in the garden, her father led the bride, in a long white wedding gown, to the speaker‘s lectern, the officiating woman did a great job, telling the story of their love, rings (simple bicolor bands but hand smithed and therefore very expensive) were stuck on the ring fingers of the right hand (of course) and then the big reception commenced, with later the dinner, a few speeches, cutting of the 3-tier-wedding cake, a magician as animator making the rounds, a DJ started around 10 PM, first the wedding dance, then dancing for everybody, cocktail bar, midnight snacks, dancing until dawn for some …
The wedding at the registry office is the one that is officially considered. Everything else is optional. There are now other options beyond the classic church wedding, for example such as event-weddings in gothic-stlye (awesome stuff) or even pagan ceremonies.
Other than in the US the newlyweds don‘t leave their own party after a short time. Some weddings last 3-4 hours, but most I‘ve attended went from 11 a.m. (wedding service) till 3-5 a.m. (when the last stumble to their beds).
On cutting the cake, some guest look, whos hand is on top, as that person might have the say in the partnership. The order is correct, state, church and reception, and we did that on one day. But sometimes there are month between state and church, and then they have two receptions, the bigger one after the church ceremony.
I only got married in a civil ceremony. As my partner and I are atheists, we naturally declined a church wedding with thanks. Neither of us wears a ring, by the way.
UK here.... Two of my friends found it cheaper to wed in a church. Also you can get married almost anywhere here as long as its been officiated & by a person who's authorised. Stately homes seems to be a big thing
Getting married in church is not necessarily socially expected here. Depending on the region, a civil wedding can also be the main ceremony. For example, there are traditionally more atheists living in East Germany. So church weddings are less common there than in, for example, strictly Catholic Bavaria.
Has Joel an idea to a possible engagement up and coming?! Whereas it may not be a weird video to react to (and, sorry, I worded that badly but I promise, I meant no offence or disrespect to any Germans out there, so I do apologise if my words have offended / upset _any_one). However, _this_ _is_ as far as I recall, the first such video...? (apart from, a "Ways American Weddings are Different from British / UK Weddings" - 'paraphrased' - type video by dual UK / American Citizen Lawrence Brown, of "Lost In The Pond"). It's an interesting topic though, and it would be equally interesting to hear / see how other countries differ in their 'Wedding Preparations and Celebrations', too... Will you be seeking others out, Joel, I wonder? 🇺🇲🤔😏🏴❤️🇬🇧🤭🙂🖖
I will get married in 3 weeks… dress for her is about 1500 to 2500 €, rings 2500 € party location for 100 people 12500€ suit 700€ all without flowers around 20000€ you need to organize a DJ , photographer, and so on … all on all it will be 26.000€
Here in Germany, more and more couples opt for a "freie Trauung". Its a ceremony at whatever venue, could be a park for all i know, and have a "trauredner" ("wedding speaker"; literally translated) officiate the wedding and vows or whatever the couple had planned. The Trauredner is someone who is not affiliated to any church or religion and bases their speech on the couples personal story, what they like and dislike, quotes and whatever was special during their relationship so far. Usually they keep it light and quite humourous. Its on the rise because less people are religious or can't get married at church because they're from different religions (e.g. you can't get married in a Catholic church if not both parties are Catholic). Also its more personal and just altogether less serious and boring. Many couples have the civil registry thing and the ceremony on the same day but even that changes. Its not uncommon to have the actual wedding in one day (just get married quicker for tax purposes and stuff) and have the big ceremony on the first anniversary so they have more time to save up for it and plan.
church weddings aren't recognized officially in The Netherlands either. You first go the the town hall (or something that can officially be used for weddings) and after that - if you want - you can go to church to get a blessing. In The Netherlands, if you're catholic, your wedding ring is worn on your left hand, but if your not catholic, it's worn on your right hand.
Talking about the order of the weddings I have seen several order of weddings in The Netherlands. Like state cerimony with no church wedding or reception, just a social media post saying FYI we're married. Or the civil cerimony then straight to reception skipping the church. Or state cerimony first then 10 years later on thier anniversary the church wedding & reception. Common when for example a couple would rather use the money for the wedding on the deposit for a house. Or are just at the start of thier career and not have the means yet. Also seen state cerimony then church wedding and no reception. Well there was reception but only with the witnesses and the immediate family (parents and siblings) only. It's quite common to be invited to the church wedding and not the reception as this helps save cost as the church is a public space whereas reception has more cost involved (venue, decor, music, food & drinks) From what I have seen there is no fixed rule when it comes to the order. Whatever fits your beliefs, traditions or budget.
Civil marriage was an achievement of the French Revolution. In 1795, it was introduced in the conquered Rhineland, and later in the vassal states in Germany. Abolished again after 1815, it was then introduced in Prussia and throughout the German Empire in 1874/75 by Otto von Bismarck, who wanted to use it to disempower the Catholic Church.
It's a tradition and goes back a long time. And even thought porcelain was kinda expensive when this tradition started, it was also a tradition, that family members would gift new porcelain sets at the wedding day. toilets should be part of the whole thing... at least not traditionally. =)
this is exactly how it works in 90% of Europe......everyone outside the EU learn... what they say about Germany applies in 90% of the EU, except for the limit on the autobahn.. the difference is only in quality... here is European culture and it is more or less identical throughout Europe, which according to our tradition Europe ends at the border with Ukraine and in the southeast the border with Turkey
In fact, in Germany, state and church are not separated. For example, we have church tax, being taken from the salary, the administration is done by the state. It is right that the church wedding does not "count" legally, but there is no general complete seperation.
Dutchy here: Going to the church, for whatever reason, really is a very personal hobby kinda thing (like going to a clubhouse of a club you are a member of) here in Europe and is therefor not recognized to be lawful as an institute here in Europe to do any official deeds, in fact it is illegal. So getting officially married must be done at the municipality, and later on you can go to a Motorcycle clubhouse, or any clubhouse you can come up with or go to church and get married (Non official!) there as well, this time with all of your friends, throwing motor oil, rice or pellets to the newly married couple, it all depends to your personal preferences. You may even opt to not go to any club house or church for all that matters and have for example a blast in a bar together with your newly married partner and with your fiends and family, I mean..., my wife and I did ...;-)
Yes, and church weddings are not accepted by the state despite our NOT having a separation between the church and state as you DO in the U.S…. You already know that the German taxation system collects church taxes for the churches, right?! (unless one opts out, has oneself taken off the church registers and no longer pays church taxes)…
In England, church weddings are valid in law as long as the clergy performing the marriage are legally recognised to do so. All ordained clergy in the Church of England have the legal authority to conduct weddings as long as a licence has been obtained in advance for that particular marriage from the ecclesiastical authorities or if banns (declarations of intentions to marry) have been proclaimed in the parish churches of both parties on 3 successive Sundays prior to the marriage. Those denominations which do not have clergy qualified to perform marriages would arrange to have a registrar present at the church. The marriage certificate and the church's marriage register are signed by all concerned usually in the church vestry or a side-chapel whilst music is played or sung in the main church. The church's register or a return of some sort is submitted to the local register office and a further copy is sent to the General Register Office for the national records. Having to have two wedding ceremonies, presumably with overlapping words and actions, is not exactly what I would call "efficient" and, surely, the church wedding would then merely be paying lip service to the sacramental nature of marriage as seen by some christian denominations. If someone in the later church service stood up to object to the marriage (as in Charlotte Brone's "Jane Eyre"), it would be a bit late in the day if a civil ceremony had already taken place. Less commonly on the UK, a couple may have more than one ceremony: the legal one which may be a secular or religious one followed by a second religious ceremony which is not a marriage ceremony but a "marriage blessing" and has no legal significance - in cases where the couple are of different religions or where the wedding took place in a location remote from most of the wedding guests or where the church is not happy to perform the marriage itself but is willing to bless it (through circumstances such as past divorce or issues around gay marriage). Charles and Camilla followed this pattern. It is because the church marriage is the legal tying of the knot that the television audience in the UK were able to spot the untruth in Meghan Markle's claim to Oprah Winfrey that they "were married 3 days before" what she dismissively called "the "spectacle that was just for the public" at Windsor. What she described is not possible under English law and anyone involved on such a conspiracy would be liable to prosecution (as the Archbishop of Canterbury pointed out in his rebuttal), including Meghan herself. Meghan was also very unusual (some would say perverse!) for a bride in the UK in not being escorted down the aisle into the church by her father or a senior male member of *her* family (who would normally walk on her left with his arm over hers). One difference we have in the UK from what seems to be the US custom is that our bridesmaids and pages walk behind the bride and not in front. Very often their function is to carry the bride's long train or at least to make sure it does not become caught as it drags along the floor the floor or on furniture during the procession.
I heard the term "Polterabend" as well but never been to one and can't say if many do it like described. But I can confirm that you first have to get married first at the registry office and the ceremony or celebration comes after that, if wanted. With church or other occasions. And yes, the rings are really simple.
Austria here. We have similar customs in many respectives. My wife and I had our marriage decades ago when she was 18 and I was 19 years old. In the late morning we did the "state marriage"-thingy and in the afternoon the church part. My friends did kidnap my wife at some point after dinner. Its actually called bride kidnapping (Brautentführung). I had a few locations in mind where she might have been. No cell phones those days! I eventually found her. We stayed there for pretty long, I believe for more than 3 hours, because we young folks were happy to get rid of the old ones who stayed back at the so called wedding table. And most of us weren't quite sober anymore. We only went to church, because my later wife wanted to have all the traditional stuff, not for religious reasons. Actually its quite funny. We married in a Catholic church. Before that we had to go through a catholic marriage seminar. A doctor (who was actually a pathologist!) explained how babies are made. At least a third of the women there were already visibly pregnant. I assume there was a lot of misinformation about contraception and what not, but I can't remember. Then we had to draw something with both of us holding the pencil. I think a tree, but I'm not sure. That should show us, that we have to work together or something like that. In the end I did all the drawing and she just pretended to be involved. That's all I remember. And that it was highly awkward and strange over all.
I think it's worth mentioning that in Germany the civil marrige, the one done at the registration office, was established in 1876, shortly after the German Empire was founded in 1871. Before that, there was no such a thing as a unified 'German State', instead there were many relatively independend German states, most importantly the Kingdom of Prussia, the Kingdom of Bavaria, the Kingdom of Saxony, the Kingdom of Württemberg, the Grand-Duchy of Baden and the Grand-Duchy ot Hesse, alongside other german states like Austria and Liechtenstein, which never became a permanent member of the unified German Empire, and all of them got their own laws and their own specific regulations regarding marriage, but as far as I know, most, if not all, did recognize church marriages at that time. But since civil marriage is the only one recocnized by the state and since the two major christian churches facing a heavy decline of their membership recently, marriages in a church get less and less important. In fact, nowadays less than 50% of the german population are members of one of these two churches.
As in many other respects, the same applies to marriage in Germany: There is not nearly as much emphasis on “show” as in the USA! Being is more important than appearing...
You also can't get married by anyone -- you HAVE to be an accredited city official. Even "special" places, like your back yard or a spot that's special to the couple, have to be officially approved. If it isn't, it's City Hall, no exceptions.
The Witness:(long text) Honor and duty at the same time The tradition of the witnesses - patron of the marriage Traditionally, witnesses naturally witness the marriage as such and also sign for it. But if you are the best man, you are also the patron of your friend's marriage. For you, this means that you should keep an eye on the marriage, so to speak. Tradition says that you must stand by the couple and help them in times of crisis, for example, and act as a neutral mediator and arbitrator in the event of a dispute. Of course, you should clarify in advance whether the bride and groom want this to be the case so that you don't get caught between two stools. The legal function of the best man From a legal point of view, the best man merely witnesses the legal act of marriage. So it's a pretty “dry”, boring thing. However, until a few years ago, bridal couples were still required by law to appoint two witnesses for a civil wedding. As already mentioned, it is now only a tradition to choose witnesses. But it is a beautiful one. If you are getting married in a Catholic wedding, you will definitely need witnesses for the church wedding, as the Catholic Church insists on the presence of two witnesses. The duties of a best man at a glance The choice of best man is still a beautiful traditional custom and a great honor for groomsmen. If you are the best man or maid of honor, then consider it as such. You can support the bride and groom wonderfully with a few tasks and “duties” that are incumbent upon you. You don't just take on your tasks and duties at the registry office during the actual act of marriage. You can also help the bride and groom before, during and even after the ceremony. Tasks relating to wedding planning Many witnesses are now a real support to the bride and groom when it comes to planning the wedding. The following tasks can be assigned to you - in consultation with the bride and groom, of course: Helping to design the wedding, table and menu cards for the wedding Communication with the wedding guests Coordinating games and surprises during the wedding reception Planning and creating a gift list Organization of guest gifts Buying a guest book Selecting and ordering flower arrangements Advice and support with the choice and purchase of wedding dress/suit For church weddings: preparation of a program for the church Organization of transport and overnight accommodation for the guests Arrangement/organization of childcare Preparation of invitation cards and thank you cards The stag party - planning is probably the most typical task As a rule, the stag party is planned by the best man. You make sure that all your friends or buddies are there on the chosen day. However, you should discuss the plans with the bride or groom beforehand, as not everyone likes a stag party. If the bride and groom or even just one of them is against it, then you should accept this. It makes sense to simply ask the bride or groom beforehand what they have in mind. It may well be that the bride would prefer to spend another day in a wellness oasis and the groom would like to relax and go out with his friends. Include this in your planning, because the stag party should also be unforgettable. The actual task as best man: witnessing the marriage in the registry office/church The core task of a best man is, of course, to witness the marriage at the registry office and/or in the church. To do this, you must take the following things into account: in addition to your physical presence, which you prove with your signature, you must also carry a valid identity card with you if you are the groom's best man, you usually keep the rings (unless otherwise planned) if you are the bride's maid of honor, you will take the bridal bouquet from the bride during the ring exchange if there is still a champagne reception at the wedding venue, you can ensure that everything runs smoothly here the male witnesses in particular are responsible for driving the wedding car to the venue afterwards It makes sense to discuss the procedures - especially for the wedding ceremony itself - with the bridal couple and the registrar beforehand. The duties of a witness in the church If a church wedding is to take place in addition to the civil ceremony, it makes sense to rehearse the ceremony beforehand. This allows you to determine whether the schedule can be adhered to. As best man in the church, you may be responsible for the following tasks: Decorating the church beforehand in consultation with the bride and groom Obtaining a church booklet at the request of the bride and groom Handing over the rings or holding the bridal bouquet in the same way as the civil ceremony Signature ceremony Reading intercessions at the request of the bride and groom The wedding day: these are your tasks In addition to the preparations and duties at the registry office and/or church, as best man you will be responsible for many other tasks on the wedding day. These include decorating the location and general help with any questions and problems from the bride and groom and guests. It is also quite common for the best man to give a speech to the bride and groom. The wedding is over - your tasks are not quite finished yet However, your role as best man does not end when the wedding is over. You can still help the bride and groom afterwards. If the bride and groom want to go on their honeymoon straight after the ceremony, your duties will include tidying up the venue (e.g. storing the remaining buffet, transporting gifts, cleaning). It is best to discuss with the bride and groom which tasks you can take on afterwards. Perhaps you can also take the newlyweds to the airport and pick them up again after their honeymoon? Regardless of the couple's wishes, you can also get creative and create a photo book with wedding photos, which you can present to the couple as a surprise on their first wedding anniversary. As you can see, the possible tasks of a best man are very diverse. Of course, you don't have to do them all on your own. Simply talk to the bride and groom about what they have in mind and provide them with helpful advice and assistance. The ring on the right hand: Some people believe that the change of hands in Germany has something to do with the Reformation: Protestants are said to have deliberately worn their wedding rings on the ring finger of their right hand as a symbol of separation from Catholicism. On the other hand, the left hand was already considered indelicate in Catholicism, and our very Catholic Polish neighbors also wear their wedding rings on the right. Another theory therefore invokes the ancient Germanic tribes. They, in turn, are said to have believed that their love vein was on the right side of their body. But perhaps the German language also gives us a clue: rechts engl right “rechtens”, “rechtschaffen”, “aufrichtig” or “Gerechtigkeit” engl. righteous", ‘upright’, ‘honest’ or ”justice versus links engl. left “link” or “gelinkt” engl. “link” or “linked”. The right hand is the good, the right hand; the hand we shake in greeting. This cultural idea may also have played a role. However, there is no precise, verifiable explanation for the choice of the right hand. In Germany and Austria, as well as in Poland, Bulgaria, Norway and Russia, the wedding ring is traditionally worn on the ring finger of the right hand. However, this custom is not universal and there are also couples who wear the wedding ring on their left hand. The custom of breaking porcelain is probably based on the popular etymology of the saying: “Shards bring good luck”. The term “shard”, which originates from the pottery trade, originally referred to all earthenware vessels, not just those that were broken. “Shards bring luck” could therefore be interpreted to mean that many vessels, in the sense of filled storage containers, represent good fortune for the owner. Sociologists Peter von Haselberg and Heinz Abels have seen a remnant of the anthropological phenomenon of demonstrative waste known as potlatch in the ritual destruction of property. It is therefore a rite of sacrifice. Such rites are deeply rooted in Germanic customs, as in countless other cultures. Destroying the old can also be seen as a rite of passage from the circle of the unmarried into married life
What I did at my wedding for 30years ago, and at that time it was a bit common, was that I invited friends and family to our wedding. What was unusual was, at that time it was a guy thing, the 'Polterabend'was skipped, because my husband didn't want one.
My parents only went to the Standesamt and spent their „ first night“ at a cinema. I was already on the way so…..? There was simply no money for a big party.
When you get married in church you usually go back into the vestry to sign the register to make it official legally as it has to be legally binding but in most countries including the UK this is how it’s done. In America you have to obtain a marriage license before the church ceremony in most states.
the wedding rings in germany are more simple, because you will wear them from now on for the rest of your life. Every single day. If you have big stones on it, they would bother you in your day-to-day life. Thats why they are more simple. In other countries you get the bride a huge and expensive ring to impress (who know whom), but the day after the wedding the ring stays at home. Thats not how we do it. They ring is a sign to other men, that the girl is partnered.
in DE ist Kirche und Staat grds. getrennt, bei meinen Eltern war der Standesbeamte nicht zum Termin da, im Rathaus musste es im Schnellverfahren gehen. Die Kirchenglocken läuteten schon und meine Eltern musste durch die Innenstadt zur Kirche rennen, damit sie pünktlich zur kirchlichen Trauung kamen.
I think in Germany it's mostly catholics who feel they need to get a religious blessing. Protestants here are usually not overly religious. Also, there's a big difference between country and city people concerning persuing traditions at all. It' s also very common for people to live together for a long time without getting married at all. It's not a main goal in life for many. Same as having children. Well, we're not one of the "oldest" countries in the world (together with Japan and Italy) for no reason. :-)
The thing about luck is a different matter. Rabbit's feet are also supposed to bring good luck. Hmm. The rabbit had four of them and what did it bring him? ;)
Thing is the binding contract of marriage is what you sign at the registry office regardless of personal faith or no faith. Times where people were religious by default are long past ; times where people of one country all followed the same religion even more so. So you can be atheist or Christian or Muslim or Jewish or neo-pagan, and still have your marriage recognised as legal. Of course you're free to have a religious ceremony on top of the legal formality if you wish.
I'll marry next year, as we both quit the church an church wedding is actually out of the picture...so what we do if only church weddings would be recognized by state. That said, we also kinda follow the traditional process and instead of a priest in a church backdrop, we have a small stage with a non religious speaker with the bride reveal and everything else. In the morning we very unceremoniously have the wedding at the city office, which os the official part here, and the papers that go along with it. ...we also choose friday the 13th for our wedding to drive our grandma's a little mad... worked like a charm, no worries they still love us 😂 All this is recognized as a real wedding, just like a church wedding...minus the religious aspect. The whole celebration after church service was always seen as a secular thing. For us two, it's not a bond before god, but simply a promise to grow old together and weather the storms of life... ...i hope that gives a little background info for you 😉
In Scotland it is the celebrant who is registered to perform a marriage ceremony not the place. As Scottish society has become more secular ( most recent census.......55% declare to have no religion) many people have civil ceremonies. Some are in a registry office but more and more people opt for a ceremony at a venue or location of their choosing . Providing the celebrant is licensed and the ceremony, at some point ,includes the (obligatory) legal declaration and is then legally registered then the couple are legally married. Many people are choosing humanist ceremonies and,or, older, more traditional hand fasting ceremonies.
The same here in Belgium, first in the town hall and then if you wish for your own religion. Romania is the most religious country in Europe. Estonia and Denmark are the least religious. In Western Europe, 34% of the population calls themselves religious, 49% are non-believers and 17% are atheists. The Gallup study surveyed 63,898 people in 65 countries. The margin of error is 3%.
while yes, many freshly wed couples still do their church style wedding, you really don't have to, or do it in a church style at all. You have to keep in mind that the church isn't as important to us in Germany than in the US. Many Germans are just raised to say they are Christian but if you ask them if they believe in the Bible or God or Jesus most will tell you "not really to be honest". There are also quite a few different ways to do it, depending on what you believe in, what your personal preferences are or what you are willing to spend, e.g. I imagine when I get wed someday to have a "ceremony" somewhere in the woods hand have a picnic as the festivity. Also church weddings are more of a nobility tradition in germany historically speaking, peasants and lower classes usually just had an official come over, who asked them at home, on the field or wherever and then it was officially done, but most still probably celebrated somewhat afterwards. The "stealing the bride" thing sounds very antiquated and from the 18th-19th century latest, or it is an extremely local thing for maybe a few villages, but never heard of it before.
Hello Joel. I wonder if there is a record for broken crockery? (Pun in there if you are picking up German). Do you have some special reason for this video, ahead of your visit?
When I was younger someone told me that the couple broke the porcelain they had as „singles“ essentially and then got gifted a new, larger set as a wedded couple. It’s was symbolic for a new start. Guess they were wrong about that.
I know a couple who went to the registry office, signed a document, and were legally married from then on. They didn't even have wedding rings, so nobody knew for months. For some reason, they wanted to keep it secret.
FUNFACT: since I wasn't baptized into catholic or evangelic religion I couldn't have a church wedding even if I wanted. I'd have to get baptized first...which I definitely would never do.
The thing in church is just for show. Not needed to be married. And not legal binding. And until 2009 it was even illegal to go to church without being legally married at the city hall first. Bit since 2009 that's possible. You can apply for an exemption from the bishop. But that church thing is still not legally binding. The state will treat you as unmarried. So it's just for show.
'church wedding' isn't recognised by the state?!' hell no, of course not! what a weird notion. ever heard of the separation of state and church? in fact, this separation could be much cleaner and better in Germany. back in 1933, the Nazis signed a _concordat_ with the Holy See, which was later affirmed as valid by West-Germany in 1957. this treaty is responsible for a lot of financial support from the state to the church to this day and it gave church representatives a say in many government commissions. the recent government commission about a possible change in abortion law was the first without any clergymen sitting in. there is much to be done to really separate the state from the church but at least the state doesn't care about 'church weddings' and put up its own rules for recognising a marriage. just imagine where we would stand *IF* the church had any say about this!? ludicrous!
austrian perspective: many don't even go to a church for the wedding. most people i know are secular people who have no bonds to the church/religion whatever. i am not aware of a single wedding of my younger friends in a church. everyone either choose a castle, a vineyard or similar nice place for the wedding ceremony - or it's just a big party after the official 'wedding' in the registry office. there is zero reason to include a church in a wedding anyways. the concept of weddings outdates religios practices. religion stepped in when they thought: "wait what ? supressing woman and imposing rules ? thats still our USP!, lets take over the whole wedding stuff".
