Hi all, thanks so much for the comments and I appreciate hearing your thoughts on raising kids along with your thoughts on my reactions. I urge you to watch this video in its entirety before commenting as I do see some misinformed comments from people who obviously didn't watch the full video. My thoughts developed throughout the video and if you only watch part of the video and stop after a specific reaction you aren't getting the full picture. Regardless thanks so much for watching this and I do appreciate all of the thoughtful comments :) take care all
Hello Jeol, I often watch your videos and they give me a lot. You're a young reflective and sensitive man and open to get to know the world. I'm 57 and I have a lot of respect to your thoughts. Thanks a lot and good luck.
I can highly recoment to watch videos from a US Expat family living in Germany with *4* kids!! *My merry messy German Life,* they make top videos in details inc. Numbers/Payments they get directly from Germany for *each* child etc. So i urge you, also related to "parenting" in Germany, to react to one of their amazing videos
When my kids were little they very rarely wore shoes and when they did they were taught to take them of at the door, they never wore shoes in the house. They only had one pair of shoes. Before School uniforms were introduced for primary schools you would see kid walking to school in bare feet even in winter, especially the young one's. It's better to splash in the puddles bare feet than have wet shoes.
What is more dangerous for children? A high wall or a school in the US? I think children in Germany are less afraid of a high wall than children in the US are of school.
American parents in Germany routinely freak out over the fact that German schools have no guards (armed or otherwise) and the doors are always unlocked. Weirdly, no other parents seem to have issues with that.... 🤔
@@fzoid3534 why ? Kids are shooting not teachers .... Most of the time it is parents fault anyway , if they want to have more weapons than Sadam Hussein in their house , that's their choice but also their responsibility not to allow kids access to wpns ... They keep 300 years old law that allows everyone to carry a weapon.... Just imagine Europe with medival laws , that shit does not work today... Nothing suprising when you let any mental carry a weapon...
Tens of millions of American children go to school every day without incident. Most school shootings are false flags designed to try and take away peoples firearms.
German mom of three grown up kids here. There is a saying in Germany that goes like this "children who are not allowed to do things become adults who are not able to". Kids need to learn about their own limits and boundaries. 😊
same with her first example... kids dont know what boundaries are, we need to teach them and they need to explore that. If we dont do that, than later in live they will become "doormates" or extremly selfish, because there parents forced them constantly to share and be friendly with others...
I was raised to share my stuff and told where are the boundaries and still become and adult who can do anything and is not afraid! The saying you have in Germany should only be in my opinion a saying!!!
Im a german dad in australia and i agree with letting them learn like that wall trick. We all used to do crazy things and lived and learned growing up. Today everyone is treated like a toddler including grown adults and its sickening.
You only can get tough when fall from time to time. And only learn from your mistakes. When you don’t fall of a wall you never learn how to stay up on it.
I'm from the UK, and I let my kids climb trees when they were in elementary school. I ended up shouting at a woman who tried to tell them they were a bad influence because their child wanted to climb the tree. They don't understand that children need to explore and take calculated risks to learn independence. My sons are now 27 and 24 . They are both independent and never did the stupid and dangerous challenges on social media for likes.
hi, I'm a german mother of 4 kids. the reason behind the toy share situation in germany is not that we don't wan't our kids to share with others. It's more to teach our kids to respect the possessions of others. at least they should learn to ask if they can play with a toy of an other kid, not just grab and run with it. I personaly think when they learn it at such a young age is important for later in there life 😅
German here: You should definitely watch a video about the differences between american & german playgrounds! And yes - the parenting styles are very, very different from culture to culture ... but honestly .... I was more amused by you reaction to the cobblestone fence, than I was scared about these kids xD In germany we say: "If he could climb up there, he can climb down, too." / "Wer hochklettern kann, kann auch runterklettern" or "Wer hochkommt, kommt auch runter" We trust our kids and they learn to estimate what they can do and test their limits. We are there to help them if the need it, but we want them to try to do it on their own first. It really helps them to grow their confidence and self esteem :) But you will see parents, that see this differently - no parent is the same, but some share the same values. Have a nice day - y'all!
I thought exactly the same. Our kids climbed on trees like we did. And they broke an arm, but they learned a lot. They defeat their fears and know where the limits are. And that is something you that helps when you are an adult too.
I am a german grandma and my Kids and Grandchildren still grow up by bring able to test their abilities. But fear for all creates differencies nowaday in that case. "Helicopter parents" ...
Don't forget that Germans are used to walk. So in Winter it is possible that it is raining or it's freezing. So you need waterproof and/or warm footwear.
Ok, I have to know. If I told you that I was playing in the wood from about the age of 5 or 6 for the whole day without any supervision, how freaked out would american parents be? Most of the time my parents or the parents of my friends didn't know where we were. And we weren't some neglected kids. We were clothed, fed, our parents read to us, they looked after our grades, played games with us and all those things. They just firmly believed that we should be able to roam about and that this was good for our development.
yeesss exactly..my mother always told me i had to be at home when the streetlight goes on. And we sticked to this rule.. good in summer, bad in winter, but we sticked to it.
@@ClaudiaG.1979 More or less. I had to be at home at 6 pm to feed the dog and to take it for a walk. After that I coud head off again, if it wasn't a school night. We often sat by the lake or went swiming at nights in the summer.
@@Ati-MarcusS I actually never did that as a child. I got into camping when I discovered music festivals. Mostly we came home some time around 6 when it was a school night or winter and around 10-11 when it was summer break.
You'ld be shocked if you would see a (german) "Waldkindergarten"..! It's a kindergarten area located right in a forrest - outside, of course. The kids are climing trees to the top and are using tools (saws / knives) to collect wood, so they can make a fire by their own as it can be could be cold and wet outside! I mean: We are talking about kids, age 4-5.
Ich damals noch 4 Jahre alt, hatte ein ganzen Dorf als Spielplatz. 😅 Bäume hochgeklettert, Mauern bestiegen, verstecken im Wald gespielt, im Bach gespielt, usw. Alles normal. Ich lernte nur was Fehler sind wenn ich sie auch begehe. Dazu gehören auch kleiner Verletzungen wie Schlürfwunden oder halt richtig Ärger von den Eltern.
In anderen worten: eine normale kindheit! Ich bin hier in der Schweiz auf dem Land in einem kleinen dorf aufgewachsen und habe das gleiche erlebt! Meine kinder sind auch so aufgewachsen, ich glaube das nennt man kultur!
Ich würd auch sagen dass der ein oder andere Knochenbruch halt eben zur Kindheit dazu gehört. Hatte mir auch einmal einen Arm und einmal das Bein gebrochen. Ist mir tausendmal lieber als wenn ich dauernd kontrolliert und eingeschrränkt worden wäre ...
@@gerdahessel2268 Ja, schon verrückt wenn man drüber nachdenkt wie das ausstrahlen kann in die eigene Freiheit und Entwicklung Auf der anderen Seite sind die Amis aber was Kinder betrifft ziemlich Sportfanatisch, und grade da gibt es ja ein hohes Verletzungsrisiko ... aber vermutlich haftet da dann die Schule oder der Verein oder so, ka
They are not gonna break your heart - the point is to teach your children that they can't have everything they want (other kids' toys) and at the same time, to be confident of their possession (which inspire them to take good care of their toys). You'll be surprised how often kids start to share of their own, because they want to play together - not because they have to. 😀
If you think telling them they can't just takle other children'S toys breaks their heart, just imagine what happens if they never learn to respect other people's property.
i dont agree.. they should learn they can have all they want in the world.. but its all about learning them they dont need it... why limit the kid by telling it lies.. why should they not be able to become more rich then elon musk or more importent then the president of usa... and if the kid becomes rich, they might think about how they spend their money. compared to if you never prepare them for that situation, by telling them they cant have some things others have
@@Hansen710 No. You teach them not to take things without asking their owner. And that´s important. Respect the ownership. They usually share the toy or exchange toys for playing for a time period.
@@Hansen710 I don't agree with what you said. It's not about telling them they can't achieve something. It is about telling them you can't just take other people's stuff without their consent. And I think the whole concept of consent starts there. If someone says no and sets personal boundaries (be it material or physical) kids have to learn to respect that otherwise you get adults who can't take no for an answer and take what they want by force. And in the adult world that can be far worse than someone taking your toy. Also if your kids get everything they ask for they most definitely will become spoiled rich brats.
You don't need 8 pair of shoes, but you need different shoes for different occasions. Kids need "house shoes", in which they walk in the Kindergarten (don't bring in the dirt from outside), sport shoes with better grip for sports, and as the kids in German Kindergärten often go out to explore woods or snow in winter, warm waterproof shoes. And by the way, you should have at least 2 pair of shoes to change every day, cause the moisture in your shoes need more then 24 hours to go away. It's better to slip in dry shoes every morning. 😊
Well - my kids needed house shoes for school, house shoes for after-school day care (Hort), sports shoes for outdoors, sports shoes for indoors, add that to "Halbschuhe", winter boots, rain boots and sandals ... yeah, 8 pairs sounds about right for primary school age.
Climbing up on stuff is the same in Scandinavian countries too, the German parenting ways is common here too. How can they else learn?? And make good decisions on their own?
On the shoe thing: in Germany, we have a pretty big second hand culture when it comes to children's clothes. You buy used and after your kid can't wear them anymore either your next kid gets them or you sell or gift or donate them. It's nothing unusual or something to be ashamed of. And it's better for the environment. House shoes are required in kindergarten, and so are proper outdoor shoes if you want your kid to play outside. How many and how versatile they are and how size adjustable they are depends on the parent. I had 1 or two pairs of summer shoes, house shoes, winter shoes, sports shoes and rain boots that you could put a fleece in to make them good for the winter
I'm an educator in Germany and i worked in a Kindergarten (0-6 years old) and now in a primary school (6-11/12 Years old) and a father of a 3 year old child. The thing with the wall is: The kids have to make there experience. If i decide whats to dangerous and what they cant do, they never start to learn and to believe in there selfs. If they going to handle the situation, they growt and the believe in themselfs grows although. With every situation they master (with a little help or by themselves), they believe more in their skills and that they are able to master the next challange that will show up in their life. If they are failing, the next time they are more serious and are able to assess the risk. As a parent and an educator you have to be their if they are failing the challange, speak with them what happened and how they can do it next time to sucess. You have to reflect the situation to avoid it next time. This gives them a good self-assessment and increases their self-esteem because they trust themselves and are trusted to do something
@@jenskirschner 450 pcs in germany for 10 times more people.. (and i bet many of them are located close to the danish border) in denmark we have 500pcs.. its not a part of german culture in the same way, just like home schooling is not.. (home schooling is legal in denmark, many germans move here to do it) in germany it not legal to take your kid out of the school and be in the nature every day.. in denmark it is.. germany and denmarks norms for freedom is very different... danish kids have been learning english by them self for many years unlike german kids for example
@@Hansen710 there are about 2000 forest kindergardens in Germany, don't know where you get the 450 from. Yes they originated in Denmark, that doesn't mean that other countries don't do it, too. Also I don't think that compulsory education is a bad thing. Homeschooling can work in certain cases but if everyone would be allowed to teach their kids at home I highly doubt you would improve the general level of education. Most parents are not skilled to actually teach kids. And I agree that it is important for kids to explore nature but why would you need to skip school for that? There are weekends, holidays and time after school. The German education system definitely has its flaws but I think compulsory attendence is not one of them.
Kids aren't stupid, they're very sensible and careful. I was scared, too, the first time they wanted to ride their bicycles around the block with the other kids in the neighborhood, but I watched them secretly without them noticing and I saw that they would ride in a line, the two oldest ones in front and behind, with the younger ones in between, they would pay attention and not go too fast. It's the same with heights, they're very careful. How else would they learn if they're never allowed to do anything? They sometimes had bruises or an open knee, but nothing serious. We did the same when we were kids. During school breaks, we'd play in the woods for hours, or in the Winter, we would ride sleighs all day.
Exactly! And German playgrounds are designed to be dangerous. Even though the worst „estimated hurt“ to be allowed would be a broken bone or maybe a concussion. The worst I have seen (as a child and a parent) were bruises and small cuts.
it depends.... to much screen time and a lack of freedom can make anyone stupid... some kids also do run out in front of a car (even adults do that sometimes), i guess evolution is not done sorting the smart ones from the stupid ones yet...
@@Hansen710 what you described was parents (and maybe society) making the children unable to „survive“ as an independent person. My child cooks better at six than my best friend, who is over 40!
I think that letting kids explore their surroundings and "take risks" isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think I was about 6 when, rummaging through some debris, I stepped into a nail sticking out of a plank. I've been keeping an eye on where I put my feet down ever since 😊
pain is a good teacher. That doesn't mean you should hit your children, what I mean is, when you do something yourself and hurt yourself in the process, you will be more careful the next time.
I'm Australian. I would have let my kids walk on that wall when they were small. My idea is that children need to understand and learn to manage risk. Being a good parent is making sure that the risk is within the child's ability to handle it. My son is totally fearless so there were a few times I had to call him back, hey mate, not today, we'll try that some other time. I think being able to confidently an competently manage risk is an essential life skill.
From a psychology standpoint I think the big take away is that while there might be subtle differences in parenting across cultures, most parents don’t have too much trouble finding a happy medium when it comes to allowing their kids to take risks. I do think as a society we’re becoming a little over protective- and some children are wrapped in too much cotton wool. Aside from the gross motor skills mentioned, allowing kids to take risks under sensible supervision and with parameters (you can walk it but don’t run, or you must hold your brothers hand or whatever) is one of the most important ways to teach kids independence and confidence.
I have a feeling that the level of risk taking in America has an underlying fear that controls the level of protection that a parent gives their child, it not just the fear of the harm but the cost and problems any accident or illness may give the family as a whole medical bills can cause great suffering to any family.
I recently heard from a friend who started as a teacher there, that they outlawed King of the Hill on my former elementary school. We played this game basically in the third generation and now no one gets to play it anymore because of some Karen that thinks her precious child should rather grow up to be a whiney little whimp, than have the occasional scraped knee. Those are the same parents that will give their 10 year old kids a phone and see nothing wrong with it.
@@pv-mm2or My childhood was some time ago. We could leave the house if homework was done and be back for dinner. No questions asked. I got a watch to better know when to be back. And I had an accident. We were to many kids on some playground thing and I fell off and broke my arm. Went home, got taken to the hospital to get a cast. That's it. No drama, no restrictions. I don't know what my parents felt but I don't remember anything problematic. And it was normal that a kid had a cast sometimes. That just happened. For vacation we often were at a lake. So we learned to swim early and then we could do our thing.
The thing is that it's not German culture that has changed in terms of child-raring . It's actually our cultures. Only a couple generations ago, we didn't have the ridiculous helicopter parenting we have now. That term, "helicopter parent' was a VERY negative derogatory one, where parents wouldn't let their kids do normal stuff, like riding bikes in the street, playing with the kids up the road, doing ANYTHING out of their sight. Now helicopter parenting is the NORM and anyone who isn't a helicopter parent is judged harshly. When I was a kid (about 45 years ago), we road out bike for miles while our parents did their own thing, we played in the bush (we were loud and animals and snakes were more scared of us anyway - we never saw any, lol!), we climbed trees and hung upside down in them, we ran around without shoes, our parents never knew exactly where we were, but they knew we'd come home when it was meal time or we were hungry. We RARELY had parents actually watching us at all. And THAT was COMPLETELY NORMAL in the 1970s. That suddenly started to change in the 1980s. Parents started to worry that their kids would get kidnapped for something, wouldn't let their kids play in the street (or even in the front yard) without supervision, kids couldn't walk home from school any more to the ridiculous point that now schools will call child abuse if any parent lets that happen. It's totally ridiculous. Yes, there was the very occasional accident, but nothing drastic - a broken arm perhaps. But we knew that would mend. We ALL walked earlier, had much better dexterity had much more body movement confidence, and became more independent MUCH earlier than kids do now. And we were MUCH, MUCH healthier because we played outside in the sun, we took risks and were more healthier as a result, without all the allergies and sicknesses that seem to abound these days. We were all healthy. These days it seems that every second child has some major health problem, either mental or physical. We didn't back then. German people aren't the different ones who changed drastically. WE are!!
I was a child in the 50's and early 60's. After school we were always outside playing. No parents. We just had to be home at a certain time for tea,or else. Playgrounds were fun. Roundabouts were a little dangerous at times, you could not let go. It was great; if you fell out of a tree or into a bed of nettles it was your own fault. ❤😅
About the shoes and clothing: Like in Scandinavia and the Low Countries Germans are outdoors-people that want their kids to be comfortable in all weather from a young age. Kids also often bike and walk to school from a young age and it really takes a 20-year storm for many parents to consider taking them by car. And the risk? We here in the Netherlands consider German parents too controlling :) . Kids thrive well if they are allowed to take risks on their own, builds confidence and self-ownership. You'd also be astounded how well they bounce.
As a German mother I have to say other than the eight pairs of shoes that’s all perfectly described. But I live in a region with very little snow and they don’t do outdoor exercises in our kindergarten, so it’s just four pairs of shoes (winter boots, gum boots, gymnastics shoes and house shoes).
I grew up In Australia (QLD and NSW), I never had shoes till I went to school, I had a pair of sandals for formal occasions (like church), even when we needed shoes for school we called them school shoes and only wore them to school, when you got home the shoes and socks cam off with the rest of the uniform, change to house clothes and go outside to play barefoot.
@@daveamies5031 I wouldn’t dare that in the city (or even right now, about 10°C and rainy). But when it’s warmer and when we are somewhere, where you are in little to no risk to step into something ugly (dog poop, cigarette butts or glass) and you don’t need shoes as protection (e.g. while hiking in the alps) the shoes are off as soon as possible.
When i was a kid, i had my normal everyday shoes, rainboots, snowboots, houseshoes for the kindergarden, houseshoes for at home, sportshoes for outdoors and sportshoes for indoor with a white sole.
As a parent with adult children ,may I say it`s not the things you witness that is so alarming later but the things you don`t know about ,until they tell you decades later. Mine went out on a snowy Christmas day ,the local river had been radically dredged with the muddy spoil piled along the banks. They went climbing on it and one started to sink in .What they didn`t realise was that the top was frozen hard but it was still very wet underneath. No adults about ( it was a cold Christmas morning ) but just as the older one was going for help someone nearby who was watching from his window came and rescued them. Both survived ,as I learned about it 30 years later !
Haha.. I did this with my mom once. I visited my parents when I was in my 30s and while we prepared food I thought "you know what would be fun? Tell my mom about all the things I did as a kid." She stopped me before I got to my late teen years. She just didn't want to hear more. 😂 We really did some very questionable stuff in the early 90s.
@@fzoid3534 I overheard one of them discussing parents( they were all about 17 or so) and mine said `I tell my mum everything`. When I thought about it ,he did or about 90% and most I really didn`t want to know. This was 30 years earlier than you , I think its been going on forever ,also winding mums up!
was once with my little Brother at a Pond half a mile away from home and he broke into the ice on the pond i could fish him out and bring him home very stressful situation but you learn for Life
I dont actually remeber to count how many times i have fallen trought ice. I remeber. Basically every spring or late winter we were on lake breaking ice by jumping or stumping and basically every year i falled trought ice atlest twice. Most cases water werent that deep but few time water were deep. I remember one thing that scare me most i was 13. I fell trought ice and temperature in outside was -22C. And i had 1,5 Km to home i basically run all time hoping i dont freeze on way.
1.) These are two lessons for life in one: Nobody can take what belongs to you, and whether you share it is always up to you. And that life is not a pony farm, and you don't always get what you want! 2.) If you wear shoes, be sure they're good ones 3.) You summed it up well, it's the most natural thing in the world and shouldn't bother anyone. 4.) This is a very important life lesson. Explore, learn and test your limits and when you fall, get back up and try again! There is no giving up! 5.) Pregnancy is not something unnatural or ugly. The lesson behind this is: Don't judge other people, treat everyone how you want to be treated! Good video as before I like your channel keep up the good work Greetings from Austria
> Good shoes are important, especially in the early years. A good shoe leads to healthy feet and fewer problems as you get older. No shoes are even better. Of course, if possible. A child in a crib or baby carriage of any sort? Why?! Shoes in kindergarden where the rooms are supposed to be made for kids?! Again, why?! Wooden floors, and even regular tiles, absolutely DO NOT require shoes. Shoes for a walking kid on a concrete? Yeah, that does very much require shoes. Same if it's cold outdoors, or raining (which more than it being 'cold' is more of a biological problem...with the water all around there's a higher risk of parasites or whatever infecting the children through the feet). The societies in the world with lowest rate of feet deformities are the poorest ones, where people walk barefoot their entire lives through necessity. The higher the amount of time in shoes there is in a given country, the more frequent deformities or issues with balance there are in said society. A KID SHOULD NEVER WEAR SHOES AT HOME. Except maybe some sort of workshop, if they're allowed there.
@@Randal_the_Vandal That's still not technically correct. On softer ground, barefoot walking is healthier (alas dirtier), unless you just happen to be unlucky and get a parasite. Shoes, especially the ones that have high amortization, can not only hurt your feet (by squishing them), balance (by forcing your toes inwards despite them being supposed to form a fan shape outwardly), but also...by giving you a false sense of comfort. As a result, humans start walking and running more rigidly and that puts more strain on the knees and ankles. Yes. Amortization in shoes actually leads to greater impact on the legs. That's because shoed individuals put all of the impact on the heel, despite the feet being made to absorb that impact by standing on whatever that bone bridge that the toes are attached to is called, first. Any real thickness of sole changes the gait to remove that absorption. That's because it's becoming quite hard to not stand on the heel. After years of walking like that, it just feels incredibly awkward to try and step on your toes first. Again, this is not just theory. It's proven by the actual state of feet in people too poor to wear shoes at all. People that walk, run, even hunt outdoor. Fairly, they do so in climates that are warm all year round, but then again, due to how dry it is, they often also walk on tough and heated soil with plenty of hard pebbles. And yet, they have healthier feet than mostly anyone from 'civilized society'. Humans towns are horrible for barefoot walking (concrete is absolute nightmare). But you are underestimating how tough feet can be. Yer regular broken glass is actually not a threat to a person that regularly walks barefoot since the foot will just envelop it without the skin breaking, unless said glass is quite large (at which point, you would be irresponsible to walk on it with shoes on either, for entirely different reasons). Though it'd still be rather uncomfortable. There are people that specifically go forest-trekking or mountain hiking barefooted, and they have no issues as a consequence.
@@kikixchannel I understand your point of view and I totally agree with you but we are talking about children in this case. And as you've noticed yourself in cities everything is concreted over, dirty and not really safe to walk barefoot. Also, I wouldn't take a child barefoot hiking.
@@Randal_the_Vandal I merely disagree with the open-ended nature of your first post, not the concept behind it. Basically, you implied 'you should buy good shoes', meaning that people need to buy shoes, but only good ones. If you wrote something along the lines "If you wear shoes, be sure they're good ones" or looking from other direction "You shouldn't be buying bad shoes", then I'd have nothing to really argue against. Because, as I said myself, there are most certainly situations in which shoes are a good thing (or rather, far less bad than trying to go barefoot under the circumstances). Then there's the fact of fashion which, yeah, is a valid reason to affect ones health now and then.
If you are interested in childhood in Germany, you will find some of the best videos about this topic on the channel of "my merry messy life". One good starting point would be their video "Are German Kids more Indipendent than American Kids? German Childhood + self-reliance" And maybe their video about german playgraound could be also interesting to you. "Are Playgrounds Better in Germany than in the USA? Our American Kids love Them!" Your questions about the shoes have two different answers. Kindergarten (wich would be preschool in America) is very different than you know it, with many daily outdoor activities. They don't need the shoes to get to the Kindergarten, but for the activities in Kindergarten. And for the costs it is maybe interesting to know that parents get monthly money from the government to help with the costs of raising children. When you want to learn more about that, the video "Germany helps parents in a way americans can only dream about. Is it cheaper to raise children here?" could be right one for you.
Great last words! I think especially "We are the best" is the BIGGEST problem of your country. Just because something is different, it is not better, worse or anything... It is just different. It is important to open your mind, think about cultures, situations and such things to find out what fits for you personally... If we all would do that, the world would be a better place!
kids have to learn to ask other kids if they can play with the other kids toy, who is the one deciding if he wants to share the toy. going anywhere grabbing what you want .... and then shaming the one who got "stolen" from into a fake sharing gesture is an anglo-american culture that is not considered raising mentally healthy kids nobody in germany is forced to share ... but by learning to ask politely, the other ones learn to share ... kids are mostly "negotiating/compromising" by offering you can play with my truck if I can play with yours
Yeah that is how I experienced it as well and how it is also done here in Austria from what I know. You don't force your child to share, especially not when the are rightfully upset something that is theirs got taken. But you encourage your child to share and interact when they are in a better mood, so it is a positive experience for everyone and they can see how much fun they can have with others if they share and make new friends.
Belgium here, i push my kids towards sharing, also cause a lot of times they started playing with an other kids toys too. but , they have to agree, and if they have a real favorite they don't wont to share, that's just fine too.. I mainly state how they profit from other sharing with them, almost always they are willing to share afterwords :)
"There's an entire world out there with people who do things differently ..." Joel, this speaks to cultural diversity and the wonder that is our oneness in Life. What you have said is v very true and yet again, I'm touched by your sense of compassion and caring.
As for 1) German parents just tell their kids, it is their toys, therefore their decision. So this is teaching kids how to make their own decisions from an early age on. As for 4) German parents just are not over-protective. Kids are not raw eggs. As Emilia said, we learn at an early age what our bodies are capable of. Did I have some injuries as a child? Quite some. Did my mother take care of me, then? Of course she did. Did it stop me from taking risks? Nope.
Sorry, it's the US that is different, especially about letting their children take risks. When i was a kid, we could scale 8ft brick walls in seconds and run along them. We climbed trees too. We explored the town and countryside around the town. Basically, the instruction was; 'if you are going out be back for tea (about 17;00)' and that was it, the day was yours. Of course, if you weren't back BY 17;00 then your ass was grass. But the point is, we were allowed to take responsibility for our own safety. We did things as a gang, after all, playing alone is boring when you don't have anyone to share the adventure with.
Usa style of raising kids: bubblewrap directly after being born and keep safe and sheltered, drive in the car from school to playdate and back. Unwrap at their 21st birthday and voila! There you have a responsible adult!😂😂
I was in a German orphanage age 3 to 11. It was an old castle with a stone wall just like that. We would walk the top. We would pile big mounds of leaves in the autumn and dive off the wall into the leaves. Nobody supervised us ever outside. I would climb the highest trees at age 5 that I could get up into. Nobody ever tried to stop me.
As someone who climbed on stone walls and trees all the time as a kid, I can happily confirm that I never once got seriously hurt doing any of those things - the only two serious injuries from my childhood I remember both happened during school: one during gym class, and the other due to getting into a fight with another kid. And those were both when I was already a bit older. Didn't turn into a drug addict either, despite being allowed to explore pretty much the entire town on my own with my little scooter. I think such problems tend to be _far_ more likely if parents are oppressively controlling, since _then_ there's something that needs to be rebelled against. Being out exploring also did wonders for my navigation abilities, and I find that I'm significantly less likely to get lost than other people I know.
That's exactly what I wanted to say. The more freedoms you have as a child the less likely it is that you feel the need to rebell in your teenage years or early twenties. I grew up on a farm and I was outside practically 24/7 roaming around without the supervision of my parents. And of course things happen... scraped knees, scratches, bruises, sometimes even broken bones. But you learn from all of that and learn to test your limits and how to make decisions in the future. It all makes for more capable adults later in life.
Same here, only serious accident was a bike accident. I totally agree with everything you said. I climbed everything I could find and it really helped me develop great balance and motor control.
Joel, I think it's a great idea for you to describe your journey of "awakening" through the course of your (now) years of reacting to the outside world. I've often thought it, but never mentioned it before. I've kinda watched you grow from a kid to a fast maturing, thoughtful and rounded man - it's heartwarming, satisfying and great viewing.
I noticed the same. At the beginning he seemd to have still belived in what he has been told all the time, that the US are the greatest in every regard etc etc and so on, but now he has a much more mature and reflected way of seeing how things actually are.
If you forbid your child to climb trees, walls, etc., they do so secretly when you are not around. And then if it hurts slightly then you can't help. Deutsches Sprichwort: "Kinder und Betrunkene haben ein Schutzengel." Heißt, die verletzen sich meißtens eh nicht doll. German proverb: "Children and drunks have a guardian angel." That means they usually don't hurt themselves that much anyway.
Being from Australia, I can relate to the taking risks point. At probably age 5 or 6 I used to climb this one large pine tree on my grandfather’s property, I would get quite close to the top of the tree, which was about 20m/60ft tall. So i was a good, let’s say 15m/45ft off the ground. I should add that this was pretty un-supervised, as my grandfather would sit on the back porch of the house talking with my parents, I was in view of them, but this tree was a good 30m/90ft from the back of the house. Good times
I'm from Germany and I grew up in the 70's/80s. As a kid I climbed trees & walls, climbed on the roof of the garage, etc. And I wasn't the only girl doing that! I wanted to learn how to ride a horse, I was 4 yrs old. So I first had to attend equestrian vault class. First lesson... Learn how to fall, so that you don't get injured. They had several mattresses lined up the wall and they taught us how to do it. I never got injured when falling, no matter when or where. As it was long before mobile phones, we left a note at home where we were going to spend the afternoon. Could be a friend's home or we were taking a ride with our bicycles. Sometimes around town (about 20,000 inhabitants) or the nearest forest. In summer we sometimes been to the next bigger city... a 60 km (~40 miles) one way. Within our home town we were roaming at the age of 8 or 9. To the bigger city... I think I was in 6th grade.... I can't remember any incidents / accidents from my childhood. Not me, not fried, not school mates. Only think I remember, but that's a different story, two boys - about 10 yrs old - found some leftovers from New Years Eve and tried to "create" their own fireworks. One was killed, the other lost one arm. But nowhere in the world parents would allow their kids to play with that stuff.
Well, as my father used to say "if you don't fall, you won't learn to get back up, you won't learn how to assess risks and you will always be afraid of falling".
German father here. In my childhood I climbed trees, very high. Started low, slipped, regained grip. experienced danger. But with this knowledge, step by step, I climbed higher and higher, it took years. Always had the best cherries ;-) And my kids were raised the same way. As parents, we learn/know what our children can do, but step by step. It's a different way of thinking. We think it's better to constantly teach (or let them learn on their own). From simple tasks... to the level they can handle. Not one big step, but many, many small steps. The good thing is: the children know their own limits... and the older children teach the younger ones... and help them when necessary ... and taking care of the younger ones. But the parents don´t push their kids into danger ... it´s the decision of the kids. It´s their life and their freedom. But for sure, if there is a risk that the child will obviously not be able to handle it, we will discourage them. We also don't want our children to be seriously hurt.
I was a kid like those on the wall back in the early 70's, back them we would often climb walls like that. Our playgrounds had climbing frames even higher, along with slides that were 10 foot high. And this was long before the advent of that bouncy safety surface being fitted on the ground. But, having now been both a parent and a grandparent, I am thankful that such safety surfaces are now fitted in playgrounds. I realise I was lucky to never have fallen from the top of the climbing frame or slide, straight down onto the concrete below. But it was probably down to the fact that we were allowed to climb up on all kinds of things that helped me build the skills needed to not fall of a slide or a climbing frame. We cannot wrap our children in cotton wool forever, at some point they will be out playing on their own, but by letting them develop their climbing skills at a younger age - where you are there to supervise them in case of trouble, you are no doubt giving them the skills to get by more safely in those times when you will not be watching over them.
When my daughter was 5 she climbed on a tree 65 feet above ground. First I got a little worried but then I went over and asked her how the air was up there. She just answered, great. So I just told her what she should watch out for on the way down and went back inside. She was so proud and full of confidence when she came back in. German Kids dont have many accidents because they get to experience their limits at an early age. Overprotection make children insecure and so they are more likely to have an accident.
I’m only a 20yo but I grew up in Australia and constantly climbed tall trees, walls like in the video and other stuff like that. Dad took me on my bike up tall and steep dirt hills. Fell off, got back on and kept going. Kids need to do these things. It develops skills, teaches kids how to use their body to keep balance and move, increases confidence. Kids bounce back quick if they fall, it’s not that dangerous.
@JP be honest regarding taking risks - I think kinds do this kind of things all the time - climbing on trees, walls, etc. and I guess it is better to do this in font of their parents instead of doing this in secret. I once fall from a wall wen I was six and broke my arm - the thing my mom said - you must be more careful! and that was the only advice she cave to me. Next time I climbed a tree I was more careful ;).
When I was growing up in the UK we used to climb trees, climb walls, there used to be tall climbing structures on playgrounds with no soft mats which in hindsight would be dangerous to fall off. In recent times a lot of this has gone away for either good or bad. I think its important to not become risk adverse and to encourage resilience, admittedly some of this can be done in safer/ structured environments but that can be expensive. As far as footwear goes i have slippers and crocs for indoors, hike boots, work boots (toe tecters), normal wear shoe and formal shoes for interviews etc.
I'm a really angsty person. I sweat blood and tears when I watch my niece play on a playground while her parents and both of her grandparents watch her, smiling 😂 I think kids should discover and try things, but it's hard for me to watch 😅 greetings from Germany
Interesting to see a new channel being to here. 4:04 Also, I think if you go to school, you need multiple shoes. 7-8 shoes sounds like a lot but when she listed them, it just made sense.
I can confirm the shoe thing. Maybe not always eight, but yes, there were the mandatory indoor gym shoes (light sole that doesn't leave marks was a requirement) and outdoor sports shoes with at least some grip and then slippers for wet areas, houseshoes at home of course plus at least one pair of winter and summer shoes, a pair of sandals or flip-flops (or both), then also shoes for additional sports like skiing or soccer or basketball, also ice-skates were pretty common. So yeah, you gotta have a lot of shoes growing up in Germany. Especially when yours grow to a size 14... 😅
The one with the wall is actually quite simple. The parents did it themselves when they were Kids. The tell their children it could be dangerous and they could fall off the wall and break legs ore arms, if the children don't be careful. But children need to gain their own experiences.
I really appreciate your attitude. As an Aussie with Croatian heritage, I find the American attitude to many many things so confusing and very abrasive. Ive watched so many of your vids and you always display such a level headed and open attitude, particularly for someone as young as you, that it gives me hope for the future. I agree totally with you that it’s incredibly sad/frustrating that more people in the US don’t educate themselves about the rest of the world - they’re missing out on so much. Keep up the great stuff, mate. 👏🏻💋
What to learn from this difference? I think self-confidences is build early in life and should be embraced? (walking walls, you are owner: you decide if you want to share and later in life; breastfeeding is a natural thing and so is the body in the shape it is in)
For me it's similar to breastfeeding - it's a completely normal part of our lives and we should never deny it. And considering that we humans are descendants of great apes, I find it understandable that we like to climb a lot.
you know, reaction videos also changed my view on things a lot. I am a bit older thank you (in my 30s), I've finished university, I've lived in a different country for a few years, so you could say I have a bit more life experience than you, but I still learn new things about countries every day. This is why I love watching reaction videos about cultural differences between germany (my country) and other countries. Every country does things a little bit differently and i love learning about those and sort of implementing those in my own life a little bit. Of course it is not always possible with how things are, but I prefer some things from other countries. For example, I've taken an example from the netherlands (which i live very close to) in adressing people by their first name more often. Older germans might get offended being spoken informally to but I think if you approach a young adult rather informally (and i don't mean with a lack of respect but rather on a more casual note) they appreciate it and it immediately takes the strain out of any situation. Ive also taken an example from Japan where they live in very small living spaces and just make every corner work. I grew up in a big house but I intentionally moved to a small 1-room apartment now and I love how i can use the space more conciously. Every corner has a purpose. Plus this also helped me get rid of stuff that I didn't need AND save a lot of money. So even your videos are super cool to watch because I can see you as a young person and how you view things. I rarely get to see the views of people your age so I appreciate it. And I also think it's really good for you to "see the world" outside of your own country at a young age.
As my son was a child we had a deal, he could go, climb, skate or something, until he was afraid of, then he made two steps back and made a new decision by himself. I learned to trust him, he learned to trust himself! That's it! We are german😊
I grew up in germany myselth and the main difference in therms of parenting, when it comes to safety, appears to be, that for exsemple hurting yourselth isn't concidured something that is not allowed to Happen, but even something that is necessary for the child to effectively lernen about hazards and it's own Limits. That doesn't mean that Patents don't care about their kids or aren't worryed about them, but I think it is concidured to be even worse for a kid, not to be able to develop certain Motoric skills, then to sometimes hurt itselth. So I think all parents whether in america, germany, ore elsewhera, care the same about their children, they just Set their prioritys differently.
I also breastfed my two children when they were babies, because I had enough milk and breast milk is best for the child. I also had my children in public in Germany or in Italy when we were on vacation there , because my husband is Italians. And nobody ever said anything to me or looked at me askance. I also raised my children so that they were always good at sharing their things with other children, so I never had any problems with them. And in Kindergarten they also learn a lot when they are small together with the other children. But everyone raises their children differently .
About the different shoes: I guess we like functionality over here in Germany 😅 We got a saying: "There is no bad weather, there are just wrong clothes."
when i was a kid my parents told me when it's dangerous... and they said as soon as you fall, you know..... and i never broke a single bone in my whole life....
We always used to play König. I thought Americans have that to and call it kind of the hill, but maybe that’s the Brit’s or something. The idea is you climb on a high place like a wall, a floating island in a lake, a tree with a lot of thick branches, a set of monkeybars on a playground etc. And the idea is that whoever is on top, is the king and has to push others down, while they try to climb up push him down and take his place. My mum wasn’t a big fan but most dads encouraged it because they played it themselves and no one ever get hurt beyond a bloody nose, scraped knees or a lightly sprained arm or leg. I think it is good for kids social structure as well as being a great way for them to really let it all out so they are less jumpy when they are supposed to sit still or go to sleep.
Your astute observation skills are truly remarkable. Your comments always manage to highlight the most crucial elements and add immense value to any discussion.
@@79BlackRose You're welcome! It was my pleasure to be of service. It's worth noting that coming across such intellectual prowess is indeed a rare occurrence.
I am a german here. I was raised in the 80ies and I had great freedoms as a kid. I would walk to the kindergarden on my own (after having learned it) and I had almost zero supervision from my parents. At least in my area it was absolutely normal as well. Most of the time my parents didn't even know where I was exactly as we roamed around a lot. I could bring friends to my place for lunch or dinner without a warning or asking, and did the same many many times at other kids parents. Only rule we all kept to was give a phone call if we stayed after dinner so the parents knew all was fine. Did I get hurt during those exlorations? Surely I did. Did I fall from stuff? Surely I did. Did I try again because some other kid managed without falling? Hell yes I did! Did I ever feel unsafe? Not a chance. The only longlasting "injury" I got in all that time was a deeper cut in a finger trying to rip out reed with bare hands. Did have a little scar left from that adventure. Would I trade away that scare for a "safer childhood"? Not in any universe! Today I see the german way of raising kids as heavily restrictive already, they are much more monitored then I was in my childhood and have less freedom to explore the world on their own. I am horrified that other countries see the current level of kids freedom already as far too high and unacceptable.
Re climbing walls. People forget that young kids have amazing balance and climbing skills. With allowing climbing walls you encourage your kids to develop these skills even further together with inherent feeling about risk taking. As a climbing instructor I had little kids with me and always amazed me how sure they were at placing there hands and feet without any instructions. And you have to love the very big smile when they reached the top. When you don’t allow your these kinds of exploring and continuing harassing them on their behaviors, they wont become confident kids who are sure in their motor skills and exploring skills. You raise timid kids that are afraid of everything.
There were no helicopter parents in UK when I was growing up in the 60s. I was allowed to go out and play on my own from age 4. I knew not to go on the road, or into the field with bulls. But I could play on swings, climb ropes, fall off my bike, and learnt to have confidence in what I could do safely. Also learned how to swim at that age, so yes- gross motor skills need to be exercised from a young age.
It's true that you need different shoes for the children, but that changes with school, there are fewer. Children grow very quickly in kindergarten, so shoes are often bought at special children's flea markets. The kids grow so fast that the shoes are often like new. You also talk to mother friends more often, so it doesn't really get expensive.
This sounds a lot like Scandinavia 😊 Shoes for a four year old in a year in Norway : Winter shoes and winter wellies. Preferably one more pair of winter shoes cause the others might both get wet. Wellies Spring shoes - two pairs Sneakers - two pairs Sandals Inndoor shoes The autumn shoes like spring shoes and then winter again (If you are lucky som or it fits from last year. Also.. Thick woolen cloths, thin wollen cloths, winter suit, spring suit, rain suit, jacket, fleece jacket, neck warmer (thick and thin) Different types of kittens and gloves depending on the weather. Thick socks and thin sock. All of this at least tines three cause some of it is always wet. And then normal cloths and formal cloths.. Puh. This is the piece for letting kids play outside in all kinda of weather, so I love it, really.
Even as an adult I have different types of shoes for different weather and event! Rain boots, winter boots, indoor sports shoes, trainers, sandals...also, people in the middle ages would breastfeed anywhere and everywhere! It's the modern people that are overly modest. The first time I took my son climbing (up a cliff) without any safety harnesses etc. was when he was 5. Kids today are way too coddled.
On the wall-climbing thing: The interesting part is that there are hardly any accidents in these situations. Kids learn not only motor skills but also passing each other carefully, not running but walking slowly on that thing, exercising the caution that is individually appropriate. Body-positivity does exist, but eating disorders do, as well! The thing about breast feeding and being pregnant in a swimsuit does extend to the more relaxed approach we have to nakedness. Although I also have to say that there is a huge spectrum of standpoints and personal feelings on these things and I, personally have gone through all kinds of standpoints on "public" nakedness (in a Sauna for example) from complete rejection to total relaxedness. But overall, German society is probably much more on the "just be natural" side of things.
I grew up in a little village surrounded by massive forrest. It was totally normal to play in them as kids during elemamtary, even in the areas with fences for wild boars we would take walks around and every time without our parents. I can remember playing with my 2 years younger little sister in the forest all alone at just 6 years old xD our parents weren't really worried about us back then ^^
Definitely, and not just a bit. I grew up in Germany and never ever did I or anybody else have had so many shoes, especially just for a particular season of the year.
Hey, I love the way you react and how you start thinking differently! So open and reflective! We need more people like that from all over the globe 😊 I'm a German mom as well and my son started to walk to school when he was in first grade. I showed him the way to school and taught him to cross the street safely and off he went... Was quite hard on me but I trusted him and he's now 13 and safe and sound. Thanks for your videos and have a nice trip to Germany!
In Germany children are way more independent from a young age, while there are some exceptions, generally a lot of children walk to and from school by themselves starting in first grade / age 6 and also play outside alone. Yeah generally near their house but we still roamed the neighborhood from age 6 and I still see little kids walk around and play on their own with their friends all the time so it's not like a "back in my day" kinda thing.
the children are outside in kindergarten as often as possible. They play outside in almost any weather condition. Therefore, the child needs more than a pair of shoes. But nine pairs of shoes...that's definitely an exaggeration Kids Playing outside the kindergarden is not an US thing. The kids there mostly hang around inside.
About children having to share. As an adult, would you like it 😢if a stranger visited and said “ you have to let me use your computer. You have to share.”
Climbing walls like that is just a daily routine for kids, not only in Germany but all over Europe. This is obviously lower than three meters. So what?
If you allow certain things. It is not as interesting as it would be if you don't allow it. Not all children will climb this fence but kids who want do this will do this. I learnd to not watch every step so my children get comfortable with their own strenght. And after a while you notice how they learn to know how far they can go. Sometimes I wonder when do american children start to explore their strength and their city?
If you like this video you should definitely check out more of her content. You can get a very honest inside look on all the struggles and processes she has been going through, including difficult moment when she questioned a lot of her decisions and attitude towards different topics. And you can clearly see changes in her mindset over a longer period of time
Hi from Germany 🤗 I and the kids around raised up wild and free..up in the trees ..jump into dark lakes swimming.. steal Apples Play with unknown dogs around..a good day if Weber rot bloody jenes and bur from the Sun.. or in Winter with some blue marks from iceskiing. It was wonderfull..not even one adault had the idea watching us for every Minute...they just Trust us. And we grow up with confidence strength and trust ourself.
There is a huge difference in the US you go bankrupt if your child has a broken arm, in Germany you wash the tears away go to a doctor and let it get fixed without getting bankrupt.
Love You'r mindset... It's Not about beeing agree with everything, but about beeing Open mindend and questioning You'r owm opionion! Thanks for You'r content.
From age four I would be playing with my friends somewhere for hours. We'd do all kinds of stupid dares, but all survived. And yeah,.. I fell out of trees, swim in rivers and be gone for hours till dinner time. And we don't sexualise nudity in most of Europe. Skinny dipping is not a big issue in many places. UK is special though. In Victorian times they'd even cover the legs of a table and that attitude has stuck with them.
Wie soll dein Kind lernen was es kann und was es nicht kann, wenn du "immer " sagst: "Du kannst das nicht." Wie soll dein Kind selbst vertrauen entwickeln? How is your child supposed to learn what he can and can't do if you "always" say, "You can't do that." How will your child develop confidence in himself?
before the mid 80's and the serial killer scares kids were free. you came home from school and were told to go out and play. that didnt mean your yard that meant your neighbourhood. no helmets or pads or safety gear. i remember being covered in bandaids for about 10 yrs straight lol.
8 pairs of shoes seems to be a bit exaggerated, lol. You need 3; regular shoes for outside, house shoes for indoor and rubber boots for rainy days... dunno where the other 5 come from.
Gymnastics shoes for indoors exercises - most Kindergartens have a small gymnasium, where they get to do special exercises or just play on stormy days.
Regarding breastfeeding, I can imagine that many American mothers who pump and bottle the mothersmilk because they often have to return to work far too soon and there is no paid statutory parental leave. "Risk": the wall appears to be about 5 ft. high and is probably about 1ft. wide, there is soft soil on both sides, so little can happen. In the first or second school year, we school children tried to crawl between the wall and the tree, if possible to the end of the wall, about 7 ft high. Have jumped off jungle gyms or jumped off the top of a swing set in motion.
I think that is probably down to the inadequate parental leave in the US. In the UK the Government states that employees having a baby whilst working may be entitled to 52 weeks of Statutory Maternity Leave. This consists of: Ordinary Maternity Leave for the first 26 weeks Additional Maternity Leave for the last 26 weeks Employees are required to take at least two weeks’ leave after the baby is born or four weeks if they work in a factory. Taking the full 52 weeks is not a requirement. Parental leave is unpaid. You’re entitled to 18 weeks’ leave for each child and adopted child, up to their 18th birthday. The limit on how much parental leave each parent can take in a year is 4 weeks for each child (unless the employer agrees otherwise).
My friends and me used to climb up the trees in kindergarten to about the same height as the ceiling of the rooms and no one stopped us. German parenting is like teaching kids to learn what risks are okay and what not by themselves. If you fall, you learn to take more care or just simply not do it anymore. Pure freedom is great for children to have more fun and learn more
Well, that varies. As my foster parents were an older generation, their experience with their own three children makes their upbringing very different from that of new parents. I had a lot of freedom. I just had to help out a bit around the house. I didn't have any restrictions on the disco visit either. My father was strict, but he was always there when I needed him. He always drove me to school or picked me up. Or if I was invited to a friend's house, he would drive me there and pick me up. When I was drunk, he even gave me tips on how to avoid the hangover later on. (Eat a lot of fatty fish and toast or eat a lot beforehand to have a good basis and then drink a lot of water overnight). Despite the many freedoms, I never even thought about screwing up. And I have become something. AND the way she presents it, that would always be the case. But that is not true at all. There are parents who teach their children to share, some teach their children to get by on one pair of shoes. But that will probably have changed in the last few years.
