I used to listen to this when I worked in forestry in Scotland where at the time I was working 12 hour days, had no friends around me at all, lived by myself and my life was miserable. The song really creates that feeling of isolation and hopelessness but weirdly in a calming and beautiful way. Thankfully I decided to quit everything and move back down to England to the area I went to high school in and I was back around all my close friends again. If there’s anything I would like to pass on to people it’s that if you are in a bad place in life, don’t be scared, do something about it.
tl;dr Long post about drug recovery, derealization, anhedonia, and how this song helped me through beautiful. I listened to this song alot a year ago, when I was coming off anti depressants and weed. I was 19, and was leaving behind the 'party life', where you don't think about the future and responsibilities, and the only thing that matters is smoking weed, drinking, and hanging with friends while doing it. I live in the American Midwest, so there's not much else to do. I was diagnosed with adhd a kid but had never taken meds, so I sought treatment in the form of adderall, vyvanse, essentially every stimulant medication. Nothing provided relief from the derealization and inability to feel truly connected to the world. Like the opposite of a religious experience. On top of this I had random panic attacks, which made me feel like I was dying of a heart attack. For a time I thought I just had bad genetics and I was only just now, at 19, feeling the effects of my defective heart. Everyday felt so disconnected and like you said, isolated and hopeless, yet I wasn't exactly depressed, I just couldn't find a purpose for anything. I found this song, and it was strange what it did for me. It allowed me to escape my temporarily dysfunctional mind and reconnect with that curious boy inside me. When I listened to this, i'd sit outside and soak in the summer and think. I still felt dull and constantly on the edge of a depressive episode, but this allowed me to hold onto the belief that I may be able to transcend it. But from this, i began reading literature and psychology books in an attempt to find just something, some idea or mindset that would uplift me. I dont know what it was, but I was desperate to escape the colorless, bland, oppressive existence. I found my love for psychology, and that pulled me out and gave me purpose (I intend to become a clinical psychologist). Since then, I have recovered, it's like the texture and nuance and beauty of life has returned. I can use my imagination again, and I often smile at myself when I do. I feel happy. I enjoy talking to people again. I want to leave my house and go experience things again. And as I sit here now, writing this, thinking on those 6 months when I mentally suffered, they feel like a dream, an alternate life. The human mind is so fascinating.
funnily enough the complete opposite saved me. moving away from the cities and this society to a rural, isolated village in my nation, Iceland. away from everyone i enjoy the time alone, at peace and solemn. just me and nature.
Yeah I was vaping delta 9 working. I was low sometimes you have to heal yourself and talk to yourself just like you would to help your friend your mom, dad etc I thought I was a just a soul with no purpose I'm okay now I realized we're all loved by someone and I'll you see guys on the other side.
@@MoreTrenMoreMen69 você não esta sozinho eu também estou sofrendo eu estou com depressão e esquizofrenia e ainda eu tenho síndrome de aspeger e eu estou tomando vários remédios e eu vou ter que tomar pro resto da minha vida, mas você não está sozinho
Rhubarb is without a doubt one of my favourite pieces of music ever. I have had many of thoughts and have felt many emotions to this song. But this slowed version makes me specifically feel for what could have been.
This version makes me wanna cry. So does the original version too. It's peaceful, calming and relaxing. It makes me wanna think about my depressive thoughts and how I can prevent the stormy and dark clouds from overcoming my bright rays of sunshine. Thank you Aphex Twin. I discovered you in 2019. You're music is awesome. And a thanks to RU-vid for recommending me Selected Ambient Works I and II.
Last year during Covid-19, I began losing my mind with brushing my teeth. Then that's when depression hit me hard. I kept brushing my teeth for hours until my lips swelled up and bleeding, and until my gums were torn sore. I had to deal with my Covid depression for 6 months until at the ending of September, I went to the dentist and they gave me an electric toothbrush. Because I was using the same toothbrush over and over again. I have Asperger's Autism Syndrome. And I also knew that it was a symptom of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) when I kept brushing my teeth over and over again. My parents were in heartbreak when they saw me screaming, and having depression meltdowns. I told my father, I need a therapist for help. I still talk to my therapist about how I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. I don't have them often as I used to as of last year. But I know it may seem a little bit ridiculous for me to be depressed over brushing my teeth during Covid. My depression was due to Covid, but I got over it from the recent October.
I actually dropped tears remembering that I didn't achieve my dreams , My life is a dark place now, it's scary how a piece of music could change your mood, I think that's what music is created for...
@andyphil666 Yes, I love songs with chaos and brief, beautiful pauses in the middle. Though the other ambient tracks aren’t chaos, there’s the same principle of the discord between the more unsettling ambient tracks and the peaceful and calming ones making the calm ones that much more calming
For some reason , not only this song is super nostalgic to me, it reminds me of my childhood and a particular time, namely when I used to go to a parc with my grandmother and there was a cafe/ restaurant close to it. My grandmother always bought me jelly beans from there, I taste them in my mouth whenever listening to this song
I cried to this when my whole family was at risk of dying to covid, including myself. I prayed they'd get better, not me. I'd die, but they wouldn't. That's all I asked for. I'm better now, and so is my whole family. I was in deep isolation, I felt like my mind was deteriorating. No one died in the end. But that made May the worst month ever.
i passed something similar but it ended in a tragedy, in a endless dark hole, it tought my family could save from cov¡d, but they couldn't. All of family have passed away, i just can't believe it that im totally alone. At least it was a month to you, but to me, it started on July 2020 and i still remember it everything like it was yesterday, wow... like yesterday.
@@palolo381 I'm so sorry for you friend. If my family died. I wouldn't wanna be alive. I don't think I'd make it. I'm glad ur still here. Just keep ur head up man. Things will get better. And if they don't, just learn to enjoy life and what it has to offer. Stay strong man ik u can do it 🙏
Hello, I just want to say that I am terribly sorry for the hardship you had to deal with. I cannot fathom at all what you have been through. It may not mean much, but I want you to know that you are both on my prayers and I wish you all a beautiful, peaceful life amidst the harsh reality ✝️❤️✝️❤️✝️❤️
The time is now 8:10 my boss is a hour late and me and him are opening... The parking lot is full of customers and they're complaining about the store being closed....im smoking my pen in complete euphoric bliss
Two days ago was my college wide celebration for the end of the semester, everybody was partying and everybody got really drunk. Including me. It’s been a rough go for me at college, the work has been too much and there’s a lot of shitty people at my college who’ve tried to hurt my friends, so it’s been tough. I’ve constantly been thinking if this will all be worth it in the end. At this party, I was feeling pretty shitty because of how tough these last two years have been. My friend noticed, and he asked if I was ok. “At the end of last year, I said I needed a break. It’s been a whole ‘nother year Ian, and I’m still waiting for that fucking break”. After I said that, I cried more than I’ve cried in my entire life. This song makes me think of that exact moment
My kid self died a long time ago. I’ve grown up too fast I haven’t had much of a childhood. I’m stressed about everything and I have abandonment issues :)
@@Stennax_ Nobody leaves childhood without cuts, bruises, and maybe even a few scars. I recommend not selecting people or paths which reopen old wounds. Most do not knowingly do it, but familiarity is an appealing thing. Even when its of something that haunts us. Be the adult that childhood you wants to be. All the best
