Are there benefits to dating a disabled person? // Part 2: My wife is not an angel [CC] 

LOL What does a "better lesbian" mean anyway?! XD

@@PixieGiggles33 For me it sounds like «better 😏 lesbians» Voilà~ sorry I have a dirty mind 🙈

@@murufufufufuuu8209 Your comment, followed by your name works...just...so well. It's just perfect.

this really made me chuckle 😂

@@PixieGiggles33 improved scrabble capabilities

Meeeee

#relatable

I *wish* that was relatable. :/

I found out recently that there is actually 3 different types: extrovert, introvert, and ambivert. Ambiverts are pretty much confident introverts. They can enjoy socializing, but also greatly appreciate their alone time.

MissErikaWoods yeah I must be a ambiverts

@@pignippleful i'm not an ambivert, you can be introvert and confident - introversion doesn't automatically equal timidness or uncertainty

@@pignippleful shy and outgoing are not introversion and extroversion, they are just possible outcomes. introversion and extroversion lie in the fact of whether you gain energy from being around people, or whether it tires you out

edmondse yeah, I’m classified as disabled, but my physical disability doesn’t really effect me much, my girlfriend struggles a lot more with her disability (NEAD), basically she faints all the time, between 3-30+ times a day and feels so bad after, as well as other things, so the majority of the time, we function as an interabled relationship, but sometimes it doesn’t, my disability has caused fluctuating chronic pain, and causes ocular migraines, it changes the dynamic for us a bit, and it’s an area of disability and relationships that is rarely talked about.

I guess the all relationships should, not only 'interable' ones, as you said who knows what happens in the future. It's probably easier to understand for people with disabilities that you might be all fine and one day you suddenly not...

edmondse - I know where you are coming from because my relationship had been interable for 29 wonderful years. But, like your wife, my wife developed cancer in 2008 and I was just able enough then to help her through surgery, chemotherapy and Radiotherapy. She was cancer free up to January 2019 when she developed heart failure. They fixed that and she is stable with that health issue. However during the scans she had at the time they discovered her breast cancer had returned and was in her spine. They gave her all kinds of drug therapy that we believed would give her as long as possible with me. Unfortunately one drug nearly killed her and she can't have anymore chemotherapy. She is taking Tamoxifen and her scans show her cancer is stable, but the whole thing has left her with residual health problems, some serious like her memory is shot! She has chronic fatigue also. We still love each other after 33.5 years together and, like you and your wife, we help each other as much as possible. I am unable to walk and am in a wheelchair. I suffer excruciating pain on a daily basis. Drugs don't touch the pain but I want to be there for her as much as possible. Some days she will come in after taking our little dog for a half hour walk and I can tell from her face that she needs to rest so we both spend the day in bed. I can only sit upright for around 4 hours before my pain tells me I can't do anymore so I make sure my wife goes to bed with me and we both sleep until dinner time which can be at any time after 9 pm. We have sat in front of the TV at 11.30 pm eating our evening meal many times!! Who cares! There is only the two of us and we can please ourselves. I just wanted to let you know that I understand everything you say and I can also fill in the gaps because we are living with cancer and both of us are now disabled. If one of you is disabled and needs help daily then it should be considered as you both age the fit one of the couple can also become ill and it's then tough going for both. Sending hugs and support to you both. xxx

Yeah my girlfriend is disabled, and I thought I was perfectly healthy... until she pointed out that I had way too many headaches for it to be considered "normal"... then I started having joint pain and body aches all the time for seemingly no reason... and now my doctor thinks I could have rheumatoid arthritis, but I haven't been diagnosed yet.

we're all humans and our bodies can fail at any point. People need to understand that. Hence the "through sickness and health" in a marriage vow.

@@Hannah-wh3vo Ditto. I'm usually not oversensitive but still.

That was kind of ouch, tbh

If my partner said that to me I would burst into tears. Harsh!

It made me kinda sad ngl :c

To each their own, Jessica seemed to be fine. :)

That sounds so lovely

denny viber thats an adorable combo lol

You're better off without them. A truly good partner understands and tries to help you overcome your disabilities issues the best they can. I was partially disabled when I met my husband 15 years ago and over time have had 11 surgeries (disabling my arms and making my knee bad), several injuries, migraines, etc. Then my mental health diagnosises finally happened at 32 and so it's a lot to deal with but he's been super supportive. I know people who tell me they'd have left me in a heartbeat, which just makes me more grateful for my husband as a partner.

you made me realize I did same thing, lol

Alyssa Anne same

@AND ANDREY ISN'T HERE off topic but newsies is great

Jodie Plews i heard newsies and was summoned

Yep! When me and my partner were looking for a flat, one realtor even skipped shaking hands with me x.x

I think it is not meant to be rude. If they know a person is deaf and they themselves don‘t know sign language... then of course they address the companion first.

Mrs. Jones I think it’s to avoid conflicts like if someone is deaf or can’t speak it would be awkward to talk to them and not knowing, or if they can’t talk right now or are in pain

Mrs. Jones Adults, absolutely! But children? Would I be rude addressing their carer/parent/guardian? Just trying to do my best in a crazy complicated world... Thank you if you take the time to respond 😊

Especially if it’s pretty obvious that their disability doesn’t affect their ability to communicate...

SuperSimoholic I’ve experienced this myself. My husbands an EMT so we have our routine down for when I have to go to the ER because I feel so bad for him spending all day at work in and out of the hospital and then coming with me to be at the hospital again for who knows how long. One of the things I deal with because of my illness is chronic pain and often times get treated as an addict even though I’m not. Last year I had my colon removed and about two weeks after I was up in the middle of the night vomiting uncontrollably. I kept trying to go to bed because I was so tired but couldn’t stop. My husband took me straight to the ER, got me a wheelchair because I couldn’t even stand and now realize I was in and out of consciousness. When I saw the ER doctor, she was super dismissive and like, humoring me(?). She said they would do some tests, a little blood work, maybe give me an IV but NO PAIN MEDICATION and send me home. I’ve never seen my husband been so helicopter towards me. I was still vomiting and he had me throwing up in a basin instead of the bag so the doctor could see something was wrong and insisted that this was serious. He was right; turns out I had a bowel obstruction. As soon as the results came back I got an IV so fast, some pain meds and had an NG tube placed before I knew it. She was so ready to send me home. After all that, I was only in the hospital for a few days which felt way too short. I followed up with my gastro a little bit later and he was so pist that they sent me home that quickly and told me to go back. I explained how dismissive they were so he wrote me a note and also called in the hospital because they would for sure take him seriously. I was met with the same initial hesitation, told I wouldn’t get pain medication (both times I did not ask) and kind of an annoyance since my doctor did call like he said he would and they had to keep me ... I wound up getting a second obstruction which probably wouldn’t have happened if they kept me for an appropriate amount of time initially. It was unbelievable... at least that’s what I want to say but I know at the same time, it’s not 😕. It happens way too often.

@@carolinamurtha3102 I don't know if this ridiculously common situation, is more frustrating or sad. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm an able bodied person, however I do have a past cancer diagnosis, and my parents are both nurses. Growing up, by mom (or sometimes dad) would always be there with me at doctors visits. Because they're nurses they could throw out some medical terminology and hold themselves confidently and I never felt dismissed - and I was kind of constantly sick with sinus infections etc. After living on my own as an adult, and having to go into doctors visits alone I can't tell you the amount of times I've felt dismissed and looked down on. (Especially when I've gone in with colorful hair and a septum piercing. Sometimes I will hide my piercing at first just because I don't want to deal with that initial instant judgement). I HATE my primary care provider, she's so dismissive, but it's such a hassle to try to find a different one that I actually like, so I just go into Urgent Care usually - which does mean I'm always seeing someone different and they're also often dismissive but usually still somewhat helpful. (I had chest pain, that I thought was more muscular or some thing, and the doctor could not look more like he thought I was full of shit, but he still had me get an EKG just in case). I live in the US.

So recognize this!

See I’m the exact opposite since I’ve been disabled from birth I always had at least one of my parents with me for years and years but once I turned 17? 18? (epileptic memory problems lol) I was on my own (expect at the end of my cardiology and even that has changed to going completely alone) so I was understandably nervous (thanks anxiety) to go it alone but it’s been alright. I only miss my parents being there because they 100% know my complex medical history (especially dates)

I'm severely chronically ill and I have no control over many issues I deal with, so it makes it almost impossible to keep any scheduled plans... And extremely painful when successful in doing so... I'm late often, and it's not because I'm not punctual, it's because I can't predict what my body will do today and I can't help when things go wrong. I'm just not physically able much of the time. Anyway... I'd love a shirt like that. Whether it's the full truth or not, if it's still true then that's enough for me. I'm late often enough that I'd be glad to give people some ideas. If people don't take my daily struggle seriously, that's their failure anyway - I'd like to make them think twice. And it would be self-serving, since if they don't believe how sick I am then by default the statement would be true anyway. If they believe it's true, then it's true. And if they don't believe it's true, sometimes it still would be true. Amazing functionality behind it

That’s great - totally me, and also might cheer me up when people can’t understand that when I say I’ll be there if I can, that’s exactly what I mean

Doctors used to do this to my grandmother when my dad would take her to the doctor. He would just say, “why are you asking me?”

This applies to me as well! I have chronic pain and chronic illnesses and my beau/partner is autistic. It's really fascinating to learn how we've each learnt how to navigate life and need assistance from other people.

Yeah, my partner has significantly more difficulty from her disability than I do from mine, most of the time we function as an interabled couple, where occasionally I need help too. But even able people need help sometimes too

I'm the super messed up disabled person in my relationship (keep getting hurt and getting new diagnosises) and my husband is mostly able bodied but does deal with sciatica, hip popping, and a crooked back/pain from whenever he works a lot.

This was exactly my thought, I could see the 'theres a time I'm not in pain...' moment

@@edmondse me too. "chronic pain, you don't get it until you get it."

And how long have they been together and she still makes comments like that and had to put that in a video online...which mentally hurts to post it online!!

This was my first thought when I heard that! My husband now never says things like "when you are better" or "when you are not in pain".

@@RenukaDhinakaran To be fair, once you've had chronic pain for a while you tend to learn you're going to be in pain for life so you get used to it and gain pain tolerance. I have "pain days", "rollercoaster days" (where pain dwindles off and on), "good" days where pain level is like a 3 or 4, etc. And being in a family full of chronic pain/disabilities, we all understand that you never escape the pain but it's not wrong to say "when you're better/not in pain" because it can mean "when you're having a good day".

Clara is the loveliest.

Same here with the appointments, whenever I have my mum with me at doctor's she gets angry on my behalf and she remembers all the things we've been wanting to talk about since I'm like "ok cool thanks for your two minutes doctor, I'm not struggling at all right now hahah good bye" a lot of the time :D

Boggles my mind how a doctor won't listen to their own patient 🤔🤔🙃

TheCozyWitch I think part of it might be that sometimes people will fake illness/pain to get prescription drugs and just having someone else verify helps convince them?? Still not ok though...

@@annonimooseq1246 your definitely right, still so upsetting how doctors would assume the worst first

Annonimoose Q I mean, it also depends on the person and circumstance. There’s a pretty long running history of lgbtq people and minorities being treated less favorably others, particularly women. It’s really well reflected in the highest demographic affected by the opioid crisis in America.

Lol. Well, to be fair, if you went on a date with someone for the first time and they showed up looking like they just stepped out of 1945 into the restaurant, you might think they're lovely but you'd still have questions. :) Also, I'm glad your brother recovered.

@@xzonia1 Thank you for your kind words about my brother. And yes, I would have questions - but all from a good place and all positive ❤

@@richardvelez3151 ❤

Thank you always for your comments, really glad to read your brother recovered. Lots of love xx

Clever.

2 for 1!

Polyamorous high five! ❤ I have a wife and two girlfriends myself, of which one is disabled. Her being one of my girlfriends. Technically I'm also disabled, but since my disability is neurological, it doesn't really show that much. Unless I forget my meds. In which case it shows A LOT. But since I'm physically able-bodied, I feel that I can't call myself disabled, even though that is an entirely accurate description of my limitations.

Love it!

this is such a bad take. gender non-conforming women still face misogyny - if not more so. it's like saying butch lesbians don't experience sexism which is simply offensive

@@annaequare I dont think its going that far. It's not that they dont experience sexism (they CERTAINLY do), but that the more extremely feminine you present the more sexist people (not all people) will treat you like a ditz and bimbo. Gender non conforming also get the short end of the stick, but that doesnt detract from the sexism present in extremely feminine presenting people

@@annaequare i think it depends on the situation, like if a butch woman went to a pub to watch a football match with all of "the blokes", men would probably not bat an eye. if a femme, girly woman did that she would 100% get looks of "wtf is she doing here?

@@evelynkrull5268 "feminine presenting people" is very vague as it includes men, e.g. flamboyant gay boys. do you honestly think what they experience is sexism and not straight up homophobia? cause i don't sexist people don't start taking me more seriously as a professional when i present myself masculine (which i tend to do), cause they still can see that im a woman. but they sure as hell try to punish me for not being girly enough so in this case i really think jessica is experencing ableism and the fact that claudia is a bit more assertive and not in constant pain helps

@@annaequare man it sucks that you've had those experiences. Mine had been opposite, but that doesnt invalidate your experience. I believe a lot of homophobia has a basis in sexism. They are very interwoven due to the rigid acceptable gender lines made by society. Theres a lot of intersectionality here.

You can get yourself jewelry and clothes with similar designs. No effort involved yet you still look like you dressed up. I've got dresses, overalls, pants, shorts, skirts, tights, and all sorts of clothes that look fancy but all I gotta do is slip them on. My jewelry is all set up for me to view and decide if it's a must for my outfits. I have makeup and sometimes put it on, but mostly make do with my tattooed eyeliner on. My glasses are goth and vintage styles. And, I have lots of hair scrunchies/barrettes as well as lots of cool converse, vans, and boots. Kinda hard to spend a lot of time dressing up when I've had 11 surgeries and I literally have to force my arms to touch my face, hair, or just move to get dressed. Yet people think I put in tons of effort.