By the comments alone, I feel there are a lot of "broken" people with relationship issues who are commenting. Whether they were innocent victims or active participants, they are hurt, broken emotionally. Some will heal over time, others live to repeat the behaviors. It's hard to tell who is who in the comments or in life. All, I can do is prepare myself, pray and hope for the best.
This is a funny story. I was 28. I was at work. My mother called. All she said was there is a problem and you need to come over here. I left work right away. I got to my mother's and a girl that I had been dating for 2 years was there. In tears. My mother knew I was dating 2 other girls. My mother stood there and told me to marry her or let her go. I was in shock. My mom loved this girl. She told me I would never find a better girl. 8 weeks later we were married. That was 33 years ago. My mother was right. It's a true story.
That's one of the most incredible accounts i've ever heard of. The perception/wisdom of your mother is on a different level. The fact that you recognized this and then acted on it is extraordinary.
I am too old to be fooled by men whom are just not that into me. I'm too old, yet it has happened again. One great thing about being older: the emotional pain is fleeting and recovery time is far less. I'm quicker to pay attention to my gut instinct, and of course, I have experience, maybe even a little hard-earned wisdom, under my belt. I no longer allow my heart, exclusively, to rule the roost. Every relationship is a teacher and I'm focused on my positive growth: I'm 100% responsible for my own happiness! Thank you, Susan, for the high-quality videos that keep getting better. Today, literally, you were a godsend (goddess-send). Blessings to you!
I met a player. He was charming at first. Kind to everyone, but later in the relationship he would snap at me in private and public. He had another relationship he had shut down supposedly. Everyone warned me to be careful. When I eventually saw enough red flags I had to block him. He had 2 ex wives, 3 troubled adult children. I got turned off. He started to contact me less, not call when he said he would. He would say let's talk face to face about such and such and we never did. He called the shots. So I ran......P.S. He contacted me....reeled me in again...two more months, same old, same old. NOW I HAVE CUT IT OFF FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER. AMEN.
Sarah M: Couldn't agree more. People only interested in the relationship for selfish reasons and personal gains. Fake friends. Pretending. Leading you on. Sigh. Can't wait to find someone who is down to earth, honest, trustworthy and loyal. Is this asking too much???
@@bryanw9840 that is what everybody asks for but then when dhe stands in front of you then you will reject that person because in the end such a person will most likely not be physically appealing.
@@jannieschluter9670 I used to think that, but that just means you are not ready. Once you put you energy into actually believing you are the prize, *all* the right energy will come and you will be attracted to the person who lives for you, because, well, they should!
@@kelpiegirl then i would never be ready because i don't believe that anyone should live for another person. All should live for the Creator and He is the prize alone. Your comment literally refers to worship of yourself and that your partner should worship you. How can an union of 2 consist of both, worshipper and worshipped at the same time? It is just about 2 people being in union...not worship.
We are fooled because there is one common characteristic of all people, we all go into potential partnerships with the hope that it’s going to work. Again and again until the earth is spinning. We always have that tiny ray of light that this person is it for real. Players know this and play it to their advantage. Everyone wants love and to be loved at the end.
The red flags I dismissed were as follow. They wanted to come and go as they wanted. They left me flat many times. One day they called me worm food, because they couldn't come back to me. That's when I became proud of myself for resisting their advances. It's difficult to learn when you're being used for their physical enjoyment. I felt very cheap and dirty.
The more I hear these stories, the more I’m not sure I should go out there. Sometimes I think I’m ready for it, but then I step back and wonder if living my life ( which is great) is just the thing I should do and forget this love from a man thing. Thanks for talking about things in a real world way.
Another great video! I have definitely learnt from personal experience that too fast, too soon is a warning sign! Yes, possibly can happen but the exception not the rule! All that intensity contrasting with vagueness another flag I’ve learnt to see. One big problem is that when you’re an honest and open person you assume others are too and it takes that one huge lesson to open your eyes THEN find your videos 😩 wish I’d seen them sooner 😆 Layer number 7 🙋🏻♀️😅 Would love to see an extended video more on “ability to love and be in partnership”
“This is the one who has to be clubbed over the head with a bit of two by four” 😆😆😆😆😆. Oh Susan you always make me laugh... you have some lines that have me laughing even days later and even quoting you to friends. It makes it a constant pleasure to watch your videos aside from the great advice.
I am 35 and personally prefer older women than myself ( 40+) because I can be honest about my not being a player and wanting stability and companionship. The sex is generally better not to mention the conversation. I haven't been with anyone my own age properly in years and first came to this conclusion as a 25 yr old when I dated a 56 ye old x
I love your videos. I just got dumped by a player. She was good. But I should have walked away months ago. She flaked so many times and ghosted me many times. It’s kinda tough being suckered like that. But your videos always seem to be aligned with my current relationship issues and gives me great insight. You rock. Keep up the good work ❤️
It's beause of women that I became a player... used to be that traditional man that every women wanted. But being Traditional, a good man only got me heart breaks. Comments like.. let's be friends, or I am not looking for anyone, or I have a boyfriend. So eventually I started realizing that women say that they want a good man but what they really want is a bad boy. And so I dropped the nice guy act and started becoming more of a bad boy. Such as not really caring, being more confident, being assertive and not simping. I got more dates from women acting/becoming a bad boy then I did being the nice guy. So inconclusion I belive women need to take accountability as well as men for thier action in life.
Months laters I'm watching this again and I figured out with the help of his sister a few things including childhood issues that resulted in fear of abandonment and emotional immaturity. September after breadcrumbing and ghosting periodically, he came back more regularly picking up the phone to call again.. I'm healing from the tower, his behavior and mine - I too was damaged and was co-dependent on him.. I have options and am open while healing. He was a partner who turned to playing to cope with fear... I hope he heals and gets healthy.
My latest ex was like that: he was coming so strong in the beginning, I met his family, his colleagues, his friends and he did too. My family and friends adored him. Then the honeymoon stage started to fade, he did some facebook digging of my past, started having retro jealousy and kept imagining me having sex with my exes (I haven't done anything that remotely linked to any of my exes for him to even have those thoughts). He brought up all the things that he thought we're incompatible, most of them could be solved with communication and compromise if we truly loved each other. He broke my heart and caused me so much pain in the process, because I really thought he was the one. Susan, I tend to hold up a high barrier in the beginning and then once I feel safe, I lose all of my logical thinking and have zero boundaries it seems. How do one stay connected to their feelings in love and still keep a look out for red flags, and be able to tell when enough is enough? I hope to hear your thoughts. Thank you!
I told him what I want and he said he's on the same page. He was a great bf but when responsibility sets in, his actions does not match his words. We lasted 4 years until I met his family. He cheated on me because the relationship is progressing. He sabotaged our 4 year relationship because he obviously is not ready to commit.
The question “what are you looking for” gets more difficult as you get older. I’m not looking for marriage because I’m not religious and I’m middle aged so I already have my kids. Partnership isn’t the right word either because I have my own goals and plans. Maybe I’m looking for an ally and collaborator in life???
He was warm, charming, charismatic and very cute... and I got played 😂... took me almost 2 years to finally get off that merry-go-round... now all those thirsty females can have him..
✨💥🤩🤩🎊♥️✨💥🤩♥️♥️ 05:45 mins onwards There r also times when the person is absolutely seemingly serious with u but all at once they seem out of it ... happens and it’s ok 😇 No matter how street smart how sharp u r u can be fooled at any age any time and at any level of beauty and charisma 😇
Omg Susan you are a treasure! You've just answered the question that I couldn't ask! Or articulate, to be precise! So he came into my life, so charming, so open so genuine! Met his family, his friend, his work! Talked about everything! Any issues were open for discussion and got resolved! Then boom the back peddling started! I couldn't understand! Were truly blind sided! By the time, he dumped me! I was so exhausted thought it's a mercy! But were shell shocked! It literally felt that my ears are ringing and am just dazed and confused! I just couldn't comprehend why would someone invest money, time and effort and involve his family and friend in a game! It's true what you say he dosn't have the commitment mind set! When the going gets tough or they feel it is really serious now, they bolt! So he is a player but thinks he's not hence so convencing! Ok then I wasn't a total fool after all!It could happen to anyone! If the next guy ask me to meet his family and friends, I will run for the hills! As time is the real judge, I wouldn't believe they are genuine until they pass the test of time! Say 10 years, give or take!🤣🤣 Nope am not damaged goods, just learning my lesson!😅😭😭 I don't think cutting the cord is the best revenge! As clearly such a player does not connect! I cut the cord for my sake! Thanks a million Susan, you put my mind to rest❤💖❤
Thank you so much Susan. Being real is the best policy because you are stating your truth and saying exactly what you are looking for. I love your statement that partnership and love is a mindset. Thank you for sharing.
Interesting. I would not have thought to call narcissistic behavior characteristic of a player. I'd have thought a player was someone who is more drawn to the rush of conquest than the value of sharing.
Susan - I just wanted to write and tell you I think you're super. I only wish I'd had your advice back some years ago when I was newly divorced and extremely naive with respect to changes in the dating scene. Everything I learned about players was from "the school of hard knocks". I'm so glad you are putting your advice on videos. As we speak, I think I've gotten hold of another player, but am pleased to report I am able to spot the signs early on - Diane.
I'm thinking now. Being 37 divorced with kids and still believing in love and true connections. So I'm thinking now just be yourself always. Even if it means you gon look silly or needy or ignorant or whatever. And second...get your money right. There is a chance you are about to give up on the love endouvers and dream of single or friendly travels etc. You gon need money so own it. AM at the point of "well I am here, anybody can ask me to go on a date" and its a very good attitude to have and an attitude you fan be open about to all men who wants to date you. Well ...again being honest is just the best policy. NOW date doesn't mean HOOK UP. and FRIEND doesn't mean FWB.
Men I know HATE questions. Even when I ask out of interest instead of a bad motive, they hate questions; any questions! I think I've always been with the wrong sort of men.
When you have found someone who matches your emotional, physical, psychological, mental, and spiritual needs and you fit theirs as well along with being there when they are going through a hard time, why would they want to date someone else let alone give you sincere compliments based on these traits and date someone else soon afterwards?
Melanie M. Milberger they may have been a psychopath who was just mirroring your traits. Maybe also you were too healthy and had boundaries so they moved on quickly to someone that they could have an easier time manipulating. Your story sounds like something described in “psychopath free,” the book written by Jackson MacKenzie.
I have said it before so the player is smooth and brimming with confidence. he will say whatever he has to to get you in bed. the good man isn't as smooth, he has faced far more rejection that the player and might be hurt as a result. he is confident but not overly so due to past hurt and rejection. the good man values a woman and appreciates her, where the player only values her sexually. the player will get frustrated if he doesn't get some, but the good man won't because he is willing to earn it.
Ironically, when I first met him for lunch and I walked into the restaurant, he played peekaboo behind his menu. Then he did some other cute thing and I said "Oh, you're a Player". What I meant to say was "you're playful" so I corrected myself, but it came out as a Freudian slip. Also, I kept having "unfaithful" dreams about him although I never saw evidence of it. He was snapping and cold and way over the top in his denial of any thoughts about it. He's still about 17 emotionally. Maybe he'll grow up someday, but I probably won't be here then. Not that he would necessarily come back to me. But...I had a lot of fun with him, and fun is the one thing that money can't buy.
Thank you Susan, when I listen to your relationship coach it’s just changed my feelings towards him, but when I texted there’s nothing so maybe I’m just going forward no you turn so I just break my heart and move on but it will take time because I’m screening people and my tastes is different than the rest of the lady so it’s ok, it’s going to be long but I can get through
Flipping the script works wonders, but requires some self-control and discipline. It is easier to do when not emotionally invested. If a guy wants sex then having him wait works, but there are many who groom you so they can control their girlfriend while having fun on the side. Those are the players who one needs to really watch out for since they are very emotionally abusive. Devaluing their love bombing efforts works since they will be smacked off their feet, not committing to long future plans works, sticking to your boundaries works, sticking to your pace despite their pleas and guilt trips.
I've been searching for that button to do a video request and I can't seam to find it. I've checked out your websites and Im coming up with nothing. I have a concern regarding manipulation and how do you know if you are being manipulated by someone who is saying that everything is your choice and giving you options rather than someone saying that you must do things their way or no way at all. Because don't people who groom you for theirselves start teaching you that it's your choice to be physical or do anything with you, and you end up feeling like it's your fault because every decision you thought you made was your choice?
Do it my way, not your way - Manipulation Do it your way, not my way - Manipulation Do it any way you want - Manipulation Nobody is grooming you for anything. So worried about manipulation that you've put yourself in a box, closed the lids and somehow taped yourself inside. Good luck with future relationships.
I was expressing how when predators groom people they make it sound like when things come to a head it's always been the young person's fault, insisting they never did anything wrong and that things were always the victims choice - so, how do you know in a presence of a manipulator your choices are your own and not someone playing with your mind to make you think your choices are all your own.
@@alcudiababe1 I'm certainly not a relationship therapist, but sounds like the "predator" you mention is a narcissist, who is gas lighting you. I'd say have some 3rd party input, say stable friends, therapist or therapist videos that address the situation, I like Coach Craig Kenneth and Suviving Narcissm on RU-vid. In the midst of confusion, chaos, doubt and fear is where the devil does his work. If you are experiencing that, then emotionally step back, get a hold of what's going on and delay a decision until you are sure this decision fits well in your life. If you've made a good fitting choice in the present, it should by course, continue to be a good fitting choice in the future too. If someone is constantly attempting to prove you bad, and make normal decisions look guilty, then you are being gaslighted by, what could be, a covert narcissist. Thanks for responding claudia.
The best tester for player is time, he chased me like having a schedule to catch..he was so warm at the first week and retracted after a week and become like a robot mode...he kept changing his mind and put me down and I just turned him down coz he is looking for other people while chasing me.. do I sound stupid? I asked him and tested him every time, guess what always avoiding to answer questions directly or spin it back to me...I wish I could date him even just for fun, but I have watched that shit shows many times, I know I would be the one who get hurt the most..so no thank you!
Thank you I love your videos! I’m attempting dating after a narcissist so I’m now very aware of my feelings. I met a guy online he said it was definitely the best convo he’s ever had, he opened up about his bad traits being he has trouble trusting women and opening up and is impossible to read as everyone tells him. He doesn’t like to call our meetings dates rather opportunities to meet new ppl while doing things u enjoy, we met on the beach and then the creek. After kissing on the second date things went haywire. We ended up asking eachother what we wanted (his profile said relationship) and he seemed to freak out when I told him I liked him. He then said he sees me as partner material but he is not boyfriend material. He is unstable and doesn’t know what’s what etc and he will introduce me to his nice normal friend. So after two dates I have a guy playing matchmaker. He then offered me friends with benefits defining exactly what we could do physical that’s not sex. He said have a think about it and let him know. I said I would give him one more week and maybe let him touch me more but only a little bit. However come Saturday night I sent him a text and didn’t hear back. This brought up old feelings from my ex narcissist the feelings of anxiety about what other women were involved and how I was not enough. So I deleted him off the dating app without his knowledge and I didn’t contact him for a few days. Until finally I msgd and told him that I didn’t want to experience old feelings of anxiety or have to manage down my feelings for him. Knowing with more physical contact I would like him more and I needed to pull the reins. He said all good, good luck with your future. Then I replied and said are u angry or annoyed? And pls let me know if u ever want to see me again if not I’ll leave u alone. He said he is cool and he just goes with the flow and if I want to hang out again we can. I don’t understand his behaviour if he is a player a nice one, a wounded player or if he does like me as a possible partner. He did say he liked me and he did try to control physical contact when it went above what I felt comfortable with. Will he ever come into me now even tho I said I want to get to know him but take it really slow and declined his fwb ?
Helen R Honestly it sounds like you threw yourself at someone who is another narcissist. I don’t mean to be cruel; I’ve done the same thing. Do some inner work to figure out why you attract narcissists. You can find some fantastic videos on RU-vid. They will be a balm to your soul.
As a guy, I can tell you that he doesn't want a relationship. But he thinks you are attractive and entertaining, and that's it. With people like that, you can grow on them sometimes, but most often, you won't!!! Bail girl.
I completely agree with all the advice here. He’s inconsistent and vague and I think you deserve so much more from a prospective partner. You need someone who cherishes and adores you. Send this guy packing!!
OK Susan gives advice to older women who like younger Men and others as well.But how can you be so surprised and hurt when you find out your younger Man is a player?They are still young and trying new things.Thats what is so appealing and sweet about them.Thats why they are with us!My goodness don't be so clingy and needy and you will find that he will want to be with you more!!!
I once had a hot n cold bfriend. His excuse was always that his mother was in the hospital and that evolved into him being in the hospital. I dated him for awhile just to see if it would evolve into someone dying. I didn't.
Susan my bf bread cramps me I know he was busy I did ask him if what he really want from me He ignored me I told him im willing to walk away no matter what happen bec. Im not gonna stay to a uncertain relationship He reply me the next night he said Mami love are u ok now?????? I dont really know what he really want ???
You know Susan I really like your advice, it has helped me but sincerely I think it's unwise to equate heterosexual relationships with homosexual ones, the reason being that homosexual relationships particularly male with male have almost zero bearing when it comes to any type of similarity with a heterosexual one. I state this from fact and years of research, I'm not some kid, I'm 52 and have researched extensively the behavioral patterns within gay relationships most particularly male with male so I think it would be wise if you focused on a particular group, namely the one in which you include yourself, thanks. Mike.
I am a Disabled American Veteran, I have been looking for a woman who wants in my life the rest of the time I got live I just want to be excepted as I am but I find that woman now the days, they just keep me upset, I have been sometime before and I changed a lot my life, I do not know what should do to be accepted but ? The world has changed a lot, I confused about the whole thing, what am I doing wrong I just want to date a woman has the world just gone different ways on me or what? Please, could you tell me what I am doing wrong? Ms. Susan Winter.
Hi, I have a question... What if before going into NC, I said to my ex that I was going to give her the time and space that she was asking for? And that I was going to wait for her to feel better so we can reasumme contact. Can I fix this if im already into NC? I think I’ve messed up from day 1 of NC :( I been in NC for 2 weeks by now, and has been 1 month and a half since the breakup. Thanks This is my situation D:
I can't ask my girlfriend anything right now because she has told me not to call or text her. So I'm doing no contact. We both go to senior center so I see her there 3 times per week and she gives me big smile and stared a lot at me
I got fixed at 26. See how long a black woman sticks around once you tell them that? Once they realize they have met a man that wants her to work the rest of life. Travel and eat at nice restaurants. Have the finner things in life that you can only have without kids. They run the other way. I dated along time between marrages. White, black. It did not matter. Black women want a free ride. I held out for a professional woman. Tell a black woman your fixed. And you won't be able to pay support the rest of your life. They run. Think I'm kidding? One woman I really liked. She was so mad. After a few weeks of not talking I realized all she wanted was a free ride. 2 or 3 kids and not work.
