Are you a giver or a taker? | Adam Grant 

Only a giver will make that statement. Agreed!

I saw that as a sort of thing as like protect the Hufflepuffs 😂

It's so easy to want to do everything to everyone, and it's hard when you realize it's not possible to do that while maintaining good mental health.

That statement is amazing. It is very true especially when you help people but then they turn around and gossip or outright set you up. That happened when I was working at Walmart the summer before college started. This lady acted like the store martyr and I would help her do anything I could fit in while also covering other departments. Then she would complain that she could not work until 12am because of her kids. I said I would cover as much as I could and she said I agreed to do it all the time, and she didn't care I was taking summer courses at the university. When I asked the manager about it she got mad and that is when she started gossiping and lying about me, she would also throw clothes around to make it look like I didn't do my job. The manager would blame me and I said I quit. He didn't want me quit so he moved me to the photo lab. They all loved me there until after explaining i couldn't do 40 hours a week with fall semester starting where I had 15 credits and had to go part time at work due to the fact to keep my scholarships I had to have a 3.6 gpa. They lied and said I didn't tell anyone and the form I filled out disappeared. I gave my 2 weeks and they said I didn't so I just stopped going. Really screwed me up and made me wary. I had to quit that job 2 times and a different job 4 times since they would always "lose" my doctor notes. Had to quit that job 5 times, they would call me up saying I was late for my shift and act like I had not quit. My best friend is the same way and we have become a bit reserved and questioning of others since even family takes advantage.

I love it

-Yttrium- .. don't you think.. ITS LIKE RAY-IAINNN

What paranoia? I see no paranoia...

Why do I have these 10,000 spoons?

I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C

Because pranoia is real, is true XD

I don't know where to put it so! In hospital it' scary, but i don't like the x-ray place. it's dark and lonely. You know.

that sentence really got me thinking

As a Lyft driver, I concur. I always judge the character of the passenger by how humanely they treat me. You'd be surprised the request and comments people make when they see you as a thing completing a service and not another human being. The coolest people I've met were also the kindest.

@@timothyalan34 It's interesting to know your perspective. Could you give some examples of the requests or comments?

If anyone noticed, that idea was also in Harry potter

Veratikon some times being a giver or empathetic is the cause of the fatigue

I smell the beginning of a burnout...

That's called being a normal human and respecting your limits

Honestly, check your anemia level

pearhps you are a creative giver :)

You're special!

Your mom calls you a keeper? So, you're a millennial who is stuck in your parents house for the foreseeable future?

most millenials are me included, but im satisfied with that

So... soccer was always your forte? :P

No, you are Special!

god help me with our thesis i made a mistake of being in a group with a taker

lucax tshotting that not true he could be a matcher. And disagreeable givers also talk like this. I’m a disagreeable giver and I find it very difficult to work within a group with a taker. I want to help and improve our group but it’s never possible when people won’t help each other or are cold and defensive/ never ask for help. It sucks

For me it kinda really depends... Bc in most I'll get the work done perfunctorily, if everyone in the group splits up the work. And then there are situations with that one giver who decides that they can single-handedly do a better job than all of us and then it ends up in a fight, and/or me slacking. And then there are the projects where the entire effing team are takers and I basically end up doing my half really well and making their half look stupid.

@@lilidevol2372 I think that that one giver that wants to take over and do all of the work is that way because they've been in many groups with a taker(s) and feel it's easier to get everything done by their selves rather than get a bad grade/punished because none of the work has been done. You just have to make sure you step up and help, even if you have to convince them that you're serious about helping (this is, of course, in an ideal world though, because there are a lot of difficult people). As for the takers- well, I still don't know how to deal with them other than being like that one giver and trying to do all of the work (I promise, though, that I'm not like that one giver all of the time, if others are willing to help, I'll let them 😊).

Dominique Day I agree because if we go up and everyone is embarrassed after the fact because we didn’t do a good enough job or our quality isn’t consistent it turns into everyone fighting anyways. I’d rather make up any slack in our group and protect our group image so that each one of the people in the group is protected and none of us have to lose face. As a group it our responsibility to help pick up areas for others if we’re good and it their responsibility to do the same for us. Your team members actions and performance is direct reflection of you seen as group your actions are seen as that of the group. If they don’t have the same sense of responsibility okay but if I do nothing and let it fall apart no matter what and my group members turn on each other or sacrifice one for their reputation or in general each of individual reputations take a hit which can follow you professional and personally, then i feel that I’ve failed myself but also others by being selfish and not putting in the work to protect us.

Jack 64 lol was looking for this comment

I was trained by videos who throw up text and then immediately throw it down, that you have to read the whole thing as fast as possible.

Church

It wasn't a question, they were instructions.

@@anonomyss Boom baby!

@@anonomyss Questions in a test are also instructions,

Philip yes!!

Philip There was an echo of what sounded like music... Jonas recognized it from what he was taught, but what happens next, is not to be known...

Philip such a good book

That, was /amazing/.

OMG how weird - I just read that book a few weeks ago! Synchronicity, oooohhhh (cue Twilight Zone music) I LOVE Robert Cormier.

Nabbitch The Rabbitch I think you should read the comment again and try to find out why your comment doesn't make any sense. I'll give you a hint: it's the takers he wants to be rid of.

Most of us are paranoid having dealt with so many takers, don't worry, you're not alone (and not narcissistic). Narcissists have ZERO sense of reciprocity or guilt being around givers!!

And I''m a giver

Minotaur hmm.. sounds like me. Which is why I dislike others doing favors for me.. 😂 I tend to.. do more than expected. Cause I love a fair trade or even better: exceptional reciprocation. Speaking of which.. my family itself are both opposites. Mom side (takers her specially) dad side (givers) both to the extreme. The moms pisses me off to the core with her inconsideration.. and my dad well.. he is always silent that he pisses me off for being too kind to a fault.. both sides has done a number on me on many ways lol (bad number). And perhaps.. I'm the epitome of them two. Either an extreme giver (my natural) or an extreme taker and basher (the burned out giver 😂). I do understand my dad but I don't understand my mom at all. It's war between me and her lol. I may talk about the war thing lightly but I despise her to the core of my being. Hence me loving to pound takers to a pulp haha.. so mean of me 😂. But even takers need considering.. I guess the best solution is to keep them in check and on a lease. They tend to easily forget that the world isn't all about "them" more easily than not (subjectively speaking: pieces of 🤬..... really 😂) From a burned out dissagreeabke giver that's growing into a matcher lol. Or maybe I really am a matcher.... kind of makes sense since I'm the child of those two 😂

Natasha Vermeer true that..... and it makes me really angry. I know how that is.. I need a taker punching/smashing bag 😂 (really lol)

This should be the norm of interpersonal exchange... but I don't know if we should let the takers be as a form of diversity

I’m going through this exact situation but I’m at the “increased workload” part and starting to need to ask for help. Your words encourage me. I’ll be more open to asking for help now.

Aneesah GIlbert I do everybody, and then I go home

Vagina Crusher name Checks out

@@Mykl0000 😂😂

This comment thread 👌

And I think that's what was missing. The person who comes in, gets the job done really well, and then leaves. Doers.

That's because he's literally sharing the gist of his research that was published in his book! He didn't advertise it, but I think it's worth a read. It's titled give or take

Well, when I was a kid....

You're an idiot.

He is indeed a giver. I can see it in his eyes. Those give similar vibes as my mom's(who I find as an agreeable-seeming disagreeable giver to others. Idk what that means) although she's of different race(korean) xd

I can relate.

Respect brother!

I'm from a family of givers and always thought I was a taker, because I compared myself with them. But after listening to that talk and reflecting on what I'm like at work I would definitly say that I'm an agreeable giver.

This is so true. Becoming a giver is a learning process

Out of curiosity are you the youngest child?

People who give and are mad about it are exhausting to be around. Go live on planet resentment.

@@cruisepaige I know this comment is a month old, and while I do agree with your statement itself without context, I am under the impression that you believe that disagreeableness relates to being habitually mad and resentful. I want to clarify that disagreeableness is one of the Big Five personality traits in psychology defined by a lack of social cooperation and other related traits. They're more likely to challenge/criticize people and ideas, which is what Adam Grant talked about in the video. "They're the ones who give the critical feedback that no one wants to hear." Being mad about giving and holding onto resentment as a prominent tendency falls more under neuroticism, which is the tendency to experience negative emotions. People who habitually experience anger and resentment might have a lower level of agreeableness too, but my point is that disagreeableness and neuroticism are not mutually inclusive.

cruisepaige they wouldn’t have resentment if you paid them back, just a thought.

ahhhhhh i finally found another similar type, i'm with you on the " I can't stand people's stupidity but I want to keep them from dying" but as i grew older i start to learn that not all people wants to receive, especially receiving a hard cold ugly truth of a feedback so thus I've always give it one shot, if it fails I'll just move on

Can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves

On behalf of Canada, you're welcome. We do our best :-)

OohEhOohAhah TingTang: As Canadian as possible under the circumstances" Proud of you Canada.......under the circumstances.

The witch doctor song?!? Ooh e oo ah ah ting tang Walla Walla Bing bang

Y run 49 dur7 4i9

"Sorry to disappoint you guys if you thought that was anti-climatic" - Canadian

Crowd participation is not a good idea

What’d you expect them to do? Jump and scream with their hands in the air?

It was good but he's no Dave chapelle. I was listening but not giggling or ROFL at every joke of his.

This clearly called for a Mexican wave.

Melvin Laola Wave, at least.

andja this is facts.

Im a disagreeable giver but also a realist. I try to help the group help each other but when l come across a full blown taker l have to accept they will never help and that because of that no one else will help them. Most people are matchers and they are easy to sway, but some people just can't understand the idea of if you help the other people then they are more likely to help you.

Same here

Le oof

I'm a giver but I set limits. I'm still in highschool and when people ask me for help with projects and I'll take as long as it takes to guide them without giving the answer. I do this so I'm not seen as a pushover or their easy way out, though I still don't ask for anything in return.

😂😂😂

*Narcissist detected*

Same here always hungry but still skinny.

Im a simple man ..any bald guy =caliou

+*DrinkMoWater* someone give this man a doughnut

Pure evil = "A disagreeable taker"

Bethel Adiele same

Bethel Adiele LOL that's exactly what I did! I saw Palpatine in the thumbnail and thought "Wait,WHAT?" 😂😂

He reminds me of bold Zac Efron 😂

Philipp Starlinger, omg YES!

He might have had Botox 😉

omg I am crying right now xd

dead looool

HLLNZ100 dont, that is such a good quality and the world needs people like you. every thing good will come back to you, even if it’s not instant gratification. hope this helps u and i hope u know that i appreciate you :)

That's one lesson to take away from this talk. A different lesson would be that matchers outnumber both givers and takers, so giving will generally work out for you. You've got a 25% chance of encountering a taker, everyone else will respond positively to your giving.

That's so true. I'm learning to be a matcher.

It's everywhere... paranoia is following me!

🙌

mutah docs He really knew when to stop talking and let you think about what he said. Awesome public speaker!

Couldn't disagree more. His nerves killed the flow of his presentation -- trouble breathing, shrill tone, talking speed fluctuation, poor humor delivery, etc. Great material, not a great public speaker. Edit: End is much better Further edit: Eh..

Hmm, Didn't feel like he was nervous. He did fluctuate his talking speed alot which all could be an annoyance to some but It didn't take me out of the talk. I hate discovery channel-like narrations or podcast. they are all so extremely monotone and slow. This is quite the opposite. I do see where you're coming from.

Listen closely to his breathing, specifically in the first 5 min. Everything else I said stems from that

This was definitely the nervous version of "fast talking". You can tell by his facial expressions (lack thereof) that he needed all of his concentration to keep his voice from breaking / keep him from stuttering. I speak exactly like him during public speaking and you basically forget to breathe after a while.

eleora I.S. Its interesting that you draw that connection. The speaker did state that matchers follow the norm. Which is a very metaphorical blindness.

@Salout Hermano Justice is blind. The phrase comes from impartial circumstances. An eye for an eye made justice blind. Therefore it could not see what was being robbed, nor was it able to judge how idiotic revenge is. "An eye for an eye makes the world blind." Clearly was about the 'justice' of vengence being a cycle of unnecessary hardships created by a wronged willing to make another wrong because they got hurt. The view of Justice is quite skewed. Forgiveness is the way to go.

@Salout Hermano I believe a person's behavior mostly stems from their upbringing and around 50% of why they think what they think is social teaching. If people are afraid of the punishment, they're still not in the right mindset. Instead of thinking stealing is wrong, they'd think 'I don't want to steal, I'd end up in jail.' So, like, people should work toward teaching how their actions harmed someone, even if the action was deliberate. Ex: Stealing cash from a collage student. Now the collage student can't buy food. You may have stolen to buy food, but the collage student has become unable- just like you were- to buy food. With the system I live in (America) it's not who wronged someone it's who has the better lawyer. Or even worse, who paid off the judge. It is harder and harder to achieve pure blind justice, therefore I have written it off.

That's why he nukes in civilization game

Hamza .N very true

Student: How long is this Ted talk? Teacher: 13 minutes 30 seconds, give or take.

sexyloser ^

Not really, you van give and take care of yourself, There are rarely extreme situations where sacrifice is nessesary. And you can take care about others better when you take care of youself. And still be giving a lot.

See see know

Agreeable.

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in alignments Takers: Evil Matchers: Neutral Giver: Good

Wise saying ❤

You sound very caring. Some hospitals sound toxic as heck. I'm glad you found a wonderful department to work in.

Pretty easy, just find your deepest desire. Most if not all, really desire to be a Hero. It's why superhero movies are so big right now, why there's so much push to save the planet, or save black people from oppression, or save gays from oppression, or so on and so on. People have the desire to be a hero in two fundamental parts, one is to get positive attention from others, but the other is just that they want to be a good person. Everyone wants to be a good person, it's when they think that it's too late for them, or they tried and someone beat them down and now thier bitter, that they stop trying to be good... but that desire doesn't actually go away. It's just like people's desire to fly, they see being good as impossible so they don't peruse it, and actually try to become evil sometimes because they see that as possible. You have a giving spirit you just have to reach deep and find it. And of course prayer can help. Making it possible for people to be Good is why jesus died on the cross so they could lay thier evil on him and feel free to be themselves and overcome thier selfish wants. I hope you see that you are a one of a kind, and that what you have to give to the world, or to people around you is so unique that no'one else could do it. And that as much as you've thought otherwise, giving comes so naturally to you that your surprised you don't do it every second of every day.

That analogy was beautiful ❤ hope you learn it someday

Thanks for your honesty. No salt. Work on becoming a matcher. Everything else falls naturally after

Don't change. This world decidedly rewards takers much more than givers and matchers, no matter what this guy's figures say. I mean, have you watched the news in the past few years? I wish I could be like you.

are you changed after 2 years?

Erkhes Maddox Me!!!!

Only takers would say yes?!

I want this too!

That's what Heaven is. God gave His son, and Jesus gave his life, so we could live in a place like that forever.

forgive me if i don't trust in an imaginary afterlife, done my share of giving, now it's time for taking. If you think about it in nature only those that take survive and succeed it is the way of life. Humans just complicate it with their made up bullshit laws, but the real laws are the laws of the wild. You can never truly over ride or write them out of existence. They will always be around.

But there's usually one of these styles that is your default. It becomes clear when you observe a lot of persons working under very similar circunstances or the same person working under very different circunstances. Everyone has a default style, but they can learn to perform other style.

Yep you Nailed it

He says this as a disclaimer before introducing the concepts

So you are a Taker? Thats okay many of us have been hurt. Just try to help others because there are so many Sharks and snakes arround you and most people are helpless

@@UrbanClimber it sounds like BladeShards is a "burnt out Giver". They have been taken advantage of so many times and now do nothing, because subconsciously that's the only way they can think of to avoid the pain of being taken advantage of. As a giver, if you can find a small group of other givers to work/play/live with, that is the sweet spot - everyone helping each other, not expecting to get anything back in return, but being surprised and joyful when they DO receive help and appreciation from others.

if you were truly a giver you wouldnt be so upset by the lack of your taking.

I think there's a little bit of confusion here. Givers are not endless supplies of giving. They have a limit. And, it's a bit of a misnomer because there is a degree reciprocation involved in their lives too. Givers have emotional needs and feel just like everyone else. They can feel sad, lonely, mistreated and even angry. Like the speaker did say, Givers can stop contributing if they feel they aren't being treated fairly.

Duck Duck don't be a giver, you'll only end up hurting yourself. Being a matcher is the type everyone should be. A society with givers running it would fall pretty quickly to takers. Give and take, it's what life's all about

@@greenanubis I think I'm a giver, but you're making it seem like givers aren't even human. I sacrifice a lot of stuff to others but they end up abusing all that help I give them. I'm happy that I can help, but it hurts when they ask for help TOO MUCH or EVEN IF THEY DON'T NEED IT.

Jonathan F true story

That’s a good one. Nice work, kiddo. I hope your comment gets more likes for your dopamine levels. All kidding aside, that was actually a funny joke, 7.5/10

This took me more then one read. I'm embarrassed

@@michaeljacobson5797 Why is this bad?

megaslayercho EVERYONE wants to be the giver, few actually are.

I am seeing felix's face

cause the taker won't write a comment or taker won't watch this video cause they don't care

yeah at first I thought about me beeing but beeing more of a taker but when he came to the part I realized that Im 100% a matcher, like sometimes I don't feel like doing something for others when I feel like they did nothing for me but Im more than glad to return a nice favor.

I bristled at the start of the video, as an argument about two ideas, where one is clearly preferred over the negative one, has already been won or resolved. Again, I don't think it even matters what you see yourself as, the message is simply that one taker can destroy an organization while givers can help it to flourish and keep everybody healthy from burnout, which is something many places desperately need!!!

Yeah I can totally relate to your comment. I have been there, and still people tend to say something like that to me from time to time. But I will prove everyone wrong with my actions.

A match in space (i.e. vacuum) won't even ignite to start with.

Also the fact is. That giving your own things....is a lot different than giving other peoples’ things. Which is where the quote “marxist” comments come from. People dislike it when someone else takes something they feel that they worked for. Ya see? Sorry if this wasnt what you meant. I conjectured on the oft incorrectly used labels you said people gave you ;3

Pretty sure you got it right, Quick. People are very quick (not you) to label anything that takes "their" resources as "marxist", even if they end up benefiting from it. The thing is, everything that goes into the economic system will tend to sustain and benefit it and therefore them, whether that's me buying a loaf of bread or an undocumented immigrant working as a fruit picker. I'm happy paying into the system; it keeps things running nicely and I like nice things. They are apparently not happy paying into the system because it's "their" money and they, not entirely unreasonably, want to have every right to it, but even if they don't pay their share they still benefit from my share. They benefit from workers being healthier and therefore not losing productivity to sick days, which I help pay for with my health insurance. They benefit from everyone being provided a free public education (which taxes pay for until people get to college, then screw them), which makes the average worker more effective in the service and technical jobs that keep so much of our economy running. They benefit from public roads and other infrastructure, for obvious reasons, which taxes help pay for. They even benefit from undocumented laborers, since all provide labor to the economy, all provide another consumer to the economy, many still result in payroll tax on the employer's end, and none can benefit from most of the benefits of being a taxpayer. They actually get a lot of benefits from the government and the garsh-darned libruls "stealing" peoples' money, and if I and everyone else stopped paying into the system the way they seem to want to they'd end up with a whole lot less. Similarly, if they stop paying into the system, I end up with less despite working and paying exactly the same amount, which shouldn't happen if it's really "their" money. If I may be so bold as to creatively reinterpret a taker's perspective, I really have a share of their share, which makes it not really their share at all, and if they don't pay the part of our share of society's burden that they currently possess then they're effectively stealing my share of their share for themselves. That makes them thieves, not to mention bloody hypocritical, and we all know how much they hate thieves. So no, giving my own things is not as different from giving other people's things as one might want to think. What do you think? Am I hitting close to the Marx?

@strpwnr3 that commentary sounds a lot more like the product of your life, ie: the critical voices within you, versus what people around you might actually be saying and thinking, or stuff you've read on the internet maybe. Feels a touch unrealistic and self-defeating. Fear of failure? Fear of success?

Serah Wint incidently, that's also what a taker would say to make givers help them.

You could think of giving small things like a smile and in this way don´t burn out it is a way i like to give because it is easy doesn´t hurt and make people feel better. I hope you have a good day today

Boundries lady. Establish healthy ones, and take time out for yourself and self-care, :)

Being a giver is great, and you don't need to be selfish to prioritize yourself most. That's being self aware, as you can't help anybody if you can't help yourself, :)

busTedOaS Being a giver is great and you dont need to be selfish to prioritized youself most. That's being self aware, as you can't help anybody if you don't help yourself, :)

I am curious - how did your life go on after that?

Yingdi Han for me it was Stewie

I was looking for this comment lol

:D /s

same. age 45 and finally learning to not burn out, I do 'hourly checks' with myself when I'm super low energy, in a nice quiet place, and am reminded of self-care needs I may have forgotten. Slowing down that way also allows me to get out of a sort of unconscious flow of movement that many get into in a workplace, it sometimes allows me to simply see I'm doing too much. Women Who Give Too Much was a good read too.

easytoslip I know I’m 11 months late but thank you so much for sharing this it has helped and soothed me so much!

Hey. Dont ever feel bad for helping others. This concept of giving and taking can help us put things into perspective. But I dont believe the world is black and white. Did you notice he puts all the blame of paranoia in "takers". This is such a complex problem, but the real root is distrust. The poor distrust the rich, the black distrusts the whites, etc. etc. Just put your self some boundaries and is ok to not have all the amswers.

@@gino07770 Thanks mate, I forgot I even made this comment. I've begun to set up boundaries little by little and am beginning to learn how to say no. I know I like helping others and all I needed was a little appreciation, apologies for sounding so depressed in my comment, I promise you I'm far more positive and upbeat now haha! It's nice to see kind people like you replying so nicely on the internet, it gives people a little hope about making comments online y'know? Know that I'm in a much, and I mean MUCH better space now! But still, thank you for the kind words, they did put a smile on my face :) I hope you have a nice day and that you smile too!

Understand that you can play different roles in different relationships Sometimes a giver, taker or matcher

If you know your getting burned out because people are taking then I must encourage you to stand up for yourself. If you know people are taking too much from you then you must stop giving it to them. You are in control of your life. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in. I learned that how we view and hold ourselves around other people determines how they view us. This world is yours don't let anyone take it from you.

I was a giver but I was used a lot of times and became a matcher.

Melek xo that's part of it, you just have to believe that the good you are causing is worth all the suffering.

Hurt??? This is about work not Feelings 🙄

Alfredio d' joliette chill this is just my pov and who says u can't be hurt at work??

Oki tru thats why after I feel like giving up on ppl .. I always return to givin em one more shot 😂

Givers don't get hurt the most. Takers in a disguise of a giver get hurt. Giving is the action of simply giving something without expecting anything in return for the good of that person or that company and so you give and keep moving forward. But if you give and you expect something good in return then sorry am going to mess it up for you but you are not a giver at all. And you'll get hurt. Try to differentiate it, giving is the act of giving without expecting anything in return and that's why givers are the most successful because they give and move on with their lives without even caring about anything in return but life always gives them something good back and they don't even notice it's from what they gave.

Rui Manuel You didn't answer the question. Don't be shy.

millions of straight guys like butt play ;)

Well you don't have to get defensive about it...

Rui Manuel best joke on this topic video

Rui Manuel 😂😂😂😂

*in

It's "toker," not "poker," you perv. :P

I'm a rambler, a gambler, I'm a long way from home.

Midnight talker!

Poor guy

Also, by his logic, being a giver ultimately results in being more given to you. That sounds like a taker tactic to me :).

P I'm a codependent nutcase. If that's not a giver, nothing is

I am a taker, deal with it givers?

As both a narcissist and a taker, I can say that the test is flawed. I read both steps before even beginning the first step. I like to know what all the steps are before I begin. Also, I don't consider either to be a fault.

Blood Angel Im am also a narcissit on the lower end of the scale...

Aster Woldeselassie you give whatever you have,homeless people sometimes help rich people so i believe everyone could be a giver

Get Em Clone hundred percent believe even you can give your energy to someone good energy

Joly 9 bravo. me too i am poor guy but i am happy.