YES!!!!!!! Maybe it's that fear of being secretly despised. People with ADHD, personality disorders, and any kind of trauma might become really sensitive to others' possible emotional cues, but then interpret them in in ways that are definitely projection, i.e., "if I hate me, then you must too."
Is everything we experience going to be chalked up to some kind of disease or diagnosis? I had no idea RSD existed. I just thought rejection made me feel really bad.
If someone is projecting, sometimes discussing how wrong they are is a waste of time. Sometimes it isn't worth having a drawn-out conversation about it. Just say what you have to say and leave it alone. Having a conversation grow into a huge argument isn't worth it. In a way, you have to pick your battles. I like the video.
Exactly. It becomes a circular argument that the projector draws you into, knowing that they’re only gonna respond to their own cognitive dissonance and bias anyway. I have friends, cousins, siblings like this. You try to ignore, but they just try even harder to draw you in. At some point you just stop giving AF.
@@mick20075 It's interesting how your mind made a connection to someone's experience and solution to projection to God. Do yourself a favor and question where that may stem from. It's not an answer that can be answered quickly, and I don't expect you, nor do I want a response, since it's a question that can only be answered from experience and learning more about your brain's narrative.
This is going to be one of those videos I can watch again from time to time because of it's practical value to a person like me who forgets how this projection thing is taking him for another ride😎
I’ve been working on self awareness and learning how we as human beings are more connected than we realize. I try to catch myself when I’m projecting negative stuff and step back, like, “ wait what if this was said / done to you . “ Love your videos Dr. Marks . They’ve taught me so much !
It's not really a tool. It's more of a subconscious thing everyone does that shows what is in their own heart. For example, if you know you always have good intentions to always do the right things, you will be more inclined to believe that about others also. So sometimes we all have to make a conscious effort to view reality as it is, and not just project what we would do or how we feel, because thats the natural thing to do.
We’ve got to stop the narcissism stigma. I have faced my flaws and dealt with some of my own projections. Yet I still struggle with projection sometimes. It’s HUMAN.
People have got to stop labeling people as narcissists. Any person can have this trait. Every single human being is intuitive- some are right, some are wrong. People who have inferiority complex, assume things and start projecting onto others. Either you can hold the person accountable by asking non-attacking questions or simply leave the relation for your own mental peace!
@@ej5000narsists allready make propaganda about themselves, we dont need random people saying people are narsisists=say if its the ovbios=try helping to see if some1 is a hideing 1,(theyre the true/real threte to every1/sociaty=ww2=the cold war=europe attacking every1 after 1200s=turky attacking,i forget their name=isreal attacking palistine.).
@@noelbob1157 sometimes it feels like so, even though I have no religion, sometimes I know some things aren't a coincidence. This video fell from the sky to me
"You can't pick a good day for a picnic" hit home for me 😂 I always worry what I've suggested will turn out bad and be an inconvenience to others. Despite that I tend to enjoy whatever happens and I appreciate things as they are, even if the weather or whatever is not ideal, so I'm not sure why I fear others will be unhappy and that it will be my fault. 🤔Psychology is so interesting. Thanks for the insight, Dr. M!
I just started reading "the origins of you' and it's all about origin wounds that come out in adult relationships and behaviour. They note that key hint that it's an old wound coming up is that intense reaction, just as you said. It's an interesting read (I would assume it's the same vein of the narrative story book you recommend )
This is video could not have come at a better time. I think my partner and I struggle with this. Thankfully it feels more like projecting anger onto me in order to defend me from someone else. He has a kind heart, we are workong on it, and I know it comes from a place of love.
It's also harming patient-therapist relations when therapists use their knowledge of projection to wrongly categorize statements of a patient as a defense mechanism. This can lead to therapists forming problematic biases towards their patient because of misapplication of psychological concepts.
Funny, I had this issue with a previous therapist of mine but I didn't know how to bring it up 😭 I gave them reasons for why I didn't want to do certain thing, but they insisted it was because of stereotypical reasons (ie: meds take away "creativity", which is a stereotype)
I think this is along the lines of what I’ve experienced recently with my therapist Upon being terminated, after enduring the most horrific psychological abuse in the workplace discarded and Left feeling degraded, dehumanized, dejected, disgusted, etc. I reckon mental health providers that don’t know about the social psychology of workplace, bullying and mobbing can easily conclude that their patient is over embellishing or fabricating. I digress, being sucked into a world aware as the narrative grows, your voice, becomes more and more diminished, and you kind of don’t even know what reality is versus not, you depend on your therapist, who has been with you through the whole process to help makes sense of your experience. But then met oddly with comments such as I think you’re upset with me because I’m unable to make any assessment of the situation, as I’m only able to see it through your perspective and not the others. Which is perplexing because I reckon that it doesn’t matter what the other perspective is, the therapist could help me buy a tuning to what my experience was. and once Yuen ceremoniously terminated in my body, feeling like these visceral responses that I get when entering that particular environment or thinking about it, our symptoms of anxiety and trauma being told that they reckon that I’m not looking for work as a form of punishment for the way I was treated. But I don’t understand how that punishes my former employer, and if anything Mina entering the workforce actually punishes the innocent patients no longer have their provider and not the coworkers who aligned with the bully and joined in via mobbing. So the whole projection concept is so confusing to me. I wonder if my therapist somewhat odd responses came from a subconscious need to align with the perpetrator given that she is an employee of the university which inflicted the psychological violence, almost like a conflict of interest since majority of the actions in bowling and mobbing, are indoctrinated via subconscious mechanisms
I’ve had to deal with someone frequently in the past that does this and continually caused adversity in the relationship. Due to their lack of self-awareness, I had no other choice but to just limit my time around them.
Is the background footage from Psych2Go? That's another great channel to watch! Doctor Ramani is also my go-to for anything dealing with NPD. You three ladies should do a roundtable discussion. That would be, just, HEAVEN!
I doubt it's from Psych2Go. My editors purchase licenses from stock video sites. But speaking of Psych2Go, Dr. Ramani and I were on a livestream together with them sometime last fall. The replay should still be on their channel.
I’ve been binge watching your videos and love them all. But this video speaks volumes to me. My partner does all these things 😢 and it has become exhausting. She is overly critical of ANYTHING…. And I do mean ANYTHING I say. When I try to give her kind words, she hears something else. For example, the other day, I said, “Hey babe, make sure you drink enough water or Gatorade, it’s going to be a very hot day.” Mind you, I said this because she was going to a baseball game. We live in Florida. She says “WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DON’T DRINK WATER! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT! YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME!”😳😩🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️. SMH. I’m to the point where I just stay silent.
When it comes to projection, I have noticed some patterns about this particular defense mechanism. 1. Individuals who fight racism are often accused of being racist themselves. 2. Individuals who fight against bullying are often accused of being bullies themselves. 3. Individuals who fight against narcissism are often accused of being narcissistic. 4. Individuals who take a moral stand against bad people are often accused of being “bad” or problematic. 5. Individuals who take a moral stand against someone who’s crazy are often accused of being crazy themselves. And the list goes on and on.
This is such a good explanation, thank you! I've been surprised when someone accused me of something they did themselves and which I had not done. It was confusing.
You’re my favorite online mental health expert now. I can’t explain how I love your content. I watched a lot of your stuff and livestreams. I would absolutely love to interview you one day. 💛😊
Wow this hit home, I'm in the middle of something, trying to evaluate if it's all in my head or if my suspicions are true. I am seeing now it's a bit of both and that one thing feeds into the other. Thank you Doc, now I am clearer on what I need to do.
This doesn't take into account when people are genuinely abusive and insulting and you don't understand why people, plural, are that way routinely toward you. It's not always projection.
@@Eskedebefore you judged that people are genuinely abusive, have you done everything within your own power to optimize your own mood, including optimal sleep hygienes, consistent vigorous exercise routine, and healthy diets?
@@Eskede you don't practice metabolic psychiatry, vagus nerve cluster stimulation using Valsalva maneuver during powerlifting, optimize dopamine reserve using morning routine, and circadian medicines. You're making up excuses for your lack of self responsibility, and I know how I developed away from my own chronic depression.
Thanks for this video, it definitely resonates with me. I have ADHD and BPD, this happens a lot with me, but I'm working on it. Luckily my partner has the patience of a saint. 😀
I see this all the time. I work hard at self awareness to prevent myself from doing the same. I learned about projection in HS psychology 101. It’s fascinating.
Lived exactly this. Person would say, "you think xyz and that's the problem." The other party would become angered when I told them they were way off base. I'd even be accused of lying.
You can read other peoples emotions accurately though. It's facial expressions, tone and body language and they can be read and the majority of humans do this. I think that needs to be said too Also, ever thought maybe people are bad? Can't always say it's because of projection if you are seeing someone's bad qualities. People's bad qualities do exist. Mainly didn't agree with the statement "you spot it, you got it". As it can be misinterpreted Otherwise, the content of this video is really good for anyone dealing with projection. Thanks Dr.
Social anxiety has doing this, but i think it's also the derealization/depersonalization that makes it even harder for me to read people. Thank you for doing this video. I have been noticing that i do this and I'm hardly ever right about people.. It gets pretty lonely.
Thank you Dr Marks for breaking that down into a very understandable way, I was stunned to see where I have been doing exactly this and how I can see the difference between myself and others I feel quite liberated and grateful to be able to see it.
I have the rejection sensitive dysphoria and ADHD, social isolation due to anxiety. Recipe for disastrous relationships. I try so hard not to be influenced by outside validation. I have alienated almost all of my neighbors. I do have people in the neighborhood I speak with but I am always on guard that I will say the wrong thing and alienate them. Exhausting and I'm Exhausted! I've ended up self isolating just so I won't be further rejected.
I suggest if your team can cut the live videos into shorts each has only 1 question and answers it will be amazing help for many who couldn't get their question answered while it was answered already in the live video but can't listen to that long video or spot their question in it
Hey you're probably not needy. You have needs and they're not being met because you may not know what those needs are or how to meet them. I would recommend self compassion exercises and learning your own needs so you can figure out how you will meet them 😊
Needed this as I just had to point out to someone they were trying to project on to me. But when they tried to point out their perception of my nonexistent projection I told them I got it from them and they're going to take it back. And they did, until they left without another word...............................
Everyone projects and instead of viewing as an innate bad or defensive quality, I’d instead reframe it and say that projection is extremely important in predicting behavior. Also, I think projection can also point to fears. Whenever I’ve been in fear the most (I have OCD), I saw it everyone and believed it was manifesting. So, it is not always who you are but what you are afraid of becoming or simple fear in general.
I think the main difference is projection is usually a form of judgement we make about other people to try to change their behavior even though we exhibit the same behavior. Projection usually looks like you telling someone "i think you have a lot of repressed emotions that causes you to act out and be a jerk". Well, we all have repressed emotions. The healthy way to do it is to just say "hey, don't be a jerk to me" rather than making this deeper judgement about the persons behavior.
The "I'm sorry you feel this way, but..." can land you in lots of hot water when dealing with someone with rigid thinking. They are not interested in your intentions only their feelings. You just have to suck it up and apologize on their terms and decide if the relationship is worth it to you.
So if I believe that someone in my family is not being upfront about how they resent me but can't say anything about it, does this mean that I am projecting this fear of being a resented outcast onto her. How do you deal with this honestly? Could this mean that she is actually projecting her fear of being something she could never allow herself to be onto me? I guess I am very insecure and I am trying to read people's minds to forecast the future as usual. As a child, I did this with my father because of his scary mood swings.
@@ericB3444taper off, I went with one day on, one day off and when I felt like I was adjusting to that, I’d start taking it once every 3 days and eventually got myself down to taking it once a week for like 2 weeks and eventually got off. It took a couple of months but I think that works better than stopping too quickly
This is a great video, Tracey! How do you differentiate between projection and poor mentalization? Have you met/trained with Peter Fonagey (creator of MBT)? I'm looking forward to getting better at mastering my sleep. Thanks so much for your content! Have a great weekend.
I doubt the footage is from Psych2Go. My editor uses stock footage they have to purchase the rights to use. But speaking of Psych2Go, Dr. Ramani and I did a live together with them sometime last fall. It should still be on their channel.