Great Video Thank you I really appreciate it I have a family member that takes way to many pictures and I recognize that is manipulative and controlling behavior I am also taking a counseling session .
This video is so much appreciated. As I listened to it ,I felt a huge sense of relief in my whole body. I became aware of the different relationships in my life that I was feeling stressed and anxious about, because I was simply accepting these behaviours and taking on the uncomfortable feelings of manipulation into myself.I really love what she said about how we attract things because they’re comfortable, even though we don’t really like the way they feel. I’m going to take the time regularly to tune in and see how I feel. To really honour quietfeels uncomfortable or disrespectful to me, and to draw the lines. Thank you so much for this
The worst part is, for me, I didn't know WHY. I couldn't put my finger on it. It felt like he was in control of the relationship, where it was going. Four months of this and I had enough.
I’m currently questioning whether my relationship is toxic. Every time I talk to her I get anxiety. I get anxious because it just feels like I’m being suffocated (they want to talk to me constantly) and we’ve agreed to compromise but it still makes me so anxious. I also tend to support her in her mental breakdowns but those breakdowns also weigh on me (it’s hard for me to support her because of the effect it has on my mental state). I genuinely don’t know what to do because I almost want to break up with them because of how stressful it is but also I have promised that I will never break up (she’s very insecure about it). I know this may not be the right place to share but I’m just in such a tough position currently, and I really don’t know what to do. I’m just worried it’s getting too dependent, and that she won’t be able to function on her own without me at some point (which scares me so so much). I almost want to cut it off so that we can both get better but I also am worried that it’s the wrong decision
@Jawaher _ An update- I broke up with them and am so so much happier. My mental health has improved so much (anxiety is still bad due to school but much better). There are days when I wonder if it was right but I truly feel a lot better than before. I don’t know how they are (they have contacted me a few times) but it truly was the best decision for my own mental health and just health in general. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship (:
Or when both people have toxic behaviors that play off each other. In my case I can be...ahem...confrontational and aggressive, whereas my husband is extremely confrontation avoidant and passive aggressive. So, I confront him, he shuts down, I get even more confrontational because I feel disrespected by him shutting me out, then he becomes passive aggressive for days after. Then I feel guilty and apologize (even though his original behavior is what triggered the confrontation), and the issue gets swept under the rug. Rinse, repeat. 😔 ETA: or, once he goes into passive aggressive mode, it's so unbearable that I just want it to end, so I apologize in order to have some sense of resolution, even though I know his original behavior was unkind and my feelings were valid.
@@nnekaruizmontalvo6573 That takes work, though. Remember, wherever you go, there you are. You have to work on the parts of you that made you vulnerable to this type of relationship in the first place, else you will likely find yourself in another.
I've seperated myself from two toxic relationships today. My mother. And my son's father. We were living under one roof. I know I've made the right move. I want to attract an healthy emotionally intimate relationship. I need a therapist. We need a home. I am chasing stability on so many different levels. Pray for me, y'all.
Try listen closely You can be helped and you can get things better for yourself and your family 😔.... I know this because my husband who had severe depression made him try killing him self many times. He got better. I got helped by someone and he made my husband feel better within a month
Blame shifting is also very toxic.. someone who'll always find a way to blame you for everything even when they know they're wrong.. it's frustrating really 😫😫
I was friends with a women (with benifits) for 20 years. She was married twice after i met her. Cheated on both her husbands as well as the side men she was seeing. And in the ebd she would always say. "Every man she met has done her wrong". She recently has a baby by a man 20 years younger than herself who was a friend but is now a former friend of her oldest son. We dont talk anymore. And its a huge rock off my shoulders.
Thank You So Much Ana Maria for the Summary of the this Toxic Relationship Red Flag tutorial! 🙏 May Good God protects & blessed Ana Maria with Safety , Good Health , Wealth , Wisdom & Inner Happiness! 🌷🌿🌍💖🕊
“That’s not you” is a thing said to forcibly make you doubt your resolve, it’s the rolled up newspaper of training you to stop thinking alternatively or for yourself and replace it with their ideals and wishes more and more until you will have to ask permission to think or want anything
@@DrTraceyMarks Is it possible for a couple to work past a major lie, such as lying about going to school when instead he was depressed and struggling alone? He's going to therapy on his own and we're going to couples therapy but I'm unsure if rebuilding trust is possible.
@@ashleyh8352 I think it's possible to get past it but it depends a lot on how you feel about the lie and whether he has liable other things. People can do and say lots of things if they are depressed and struggling. Most people aren't going to want people to know what's going on with them so they may cover a lot of things up. That doesn't make it right but that a different motivation for lying vs. lying just for the thrill deception or lying to take something from you.
I had an ex who would blame me for literally everything that ever went wrong. When he left for a few days, I felt so peaceful and did not miss him at all. That's when I knew it was time to call it quits.
Just be alone. It's better that being with a toxic person. "and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?" -Charles Bukowski
@@muffinthemoggy4359 I definitely hear what you're saying. I always tell people who don't have children: think twice about having children because when they grow up they are not necessarily very nice people and may not like you. My ex-husband has stolen my children from me and by the time I got them back they hated me from all the brainwashing. Now as adults the only way they will talk to me as if they are allowed to be rude so I have had to step away from them and have no contact with them. It is very depressing not to talk to ones grown children but it is also very depressing to have grown children not respect boundaries and call their own mother horrible names. I feel like life is so hard sometimes, that there are no easy answers to anything. I wish you well with your relationship with your children.
I started watching to validate my feelings about a toxic relationship. Turns out I've identified many toxic things I'm doing instead. Lots to think about now. Anger is a hard thing to let go of.
Jim MoeFoe i feel you. however my problem with my partner is that i dont think i like him as much as i once did anymore. I’m being toxic to semi-intentionally jeopardize the relationship we have.
@@charlottelai2532 in my case what I found out was I was only using her as an escape goat for my depression. Yesterday night, I called her and told her all the positive things about her I was holding on to and today morning she calls me just to hear my voice. What a refresher was that in our relationship! I'm planning to be less toxic and make my depression not contagious to her. Good luck to you too, Charlotte.
This video actually helped me realize that I have a few of these toxic habits. I absolutely love my partner, but this video showed me I definitely do not treat them as well as I could. I definitely have some things to work on. Thank you Dr. Marks, I really needed to see this video.
Try listen closely You can be helped and you can get things better for yourself and your family 😔.... I know this because my husband who had severe depression made him try killing him self many times. He got better. I got helped by someone and he made my husband feel better within a month
I'm determined to fix the toxic inside of myself I'm attracted to toxic people and I'm also noticing that I might be toxic as well the difference is I want to fix it
don't be a feminist for a start, feminism is a quasi-religious cult of misandry, if you hate and want men, you'll only attract what feminists think men are..real men will run away from you. trust me on this.
Try to make sure you generally leave others feeling good, unless there is a special specific reason not to. For example if it would mean you couldn't be honest with someone about something important. People feel the need to feel good. You feel the need to feel good. I recognise how important it is for people to feel good about themselves, so I look for opportunities to give positive feedback. Thats one way to nourish people instead of being toxic. Build up their self esteem & good feelings generally, rather than tearing them down. Thats what I like to do. When I have made someones day by acknowledging something they have done well or a good quality they have, then I feel good too. It's win win!
....and becoming a hermit in a cabin in the woods by a beautiful lake with copious amounts of chilled drinks, steaks on a barbecue, reading material about how to steer clear of controlling idiots...and nobody JUST POPPING BY...becomes more and more appealing.
I somewhat disagree with this comment because although people can be very toxic and unfriendly it’s also not very wise to spent too much time with self which can easily lead to loneliness. It’s better to have a small circle than a large group of people just like it’s better than having absolutely no circle either
@@Aphelion25 Its hard because you are making it hard on yourself. If you have truly had enough, there is nothing else to think about except getting out of that toxic situation.
@@layback76 how did you manage with feeling of fault? I mean that you're leaving person who need help? I've just realized I'm in toxic relationships and I have to leave, but damn it's fucking hard when you care about person
@@serjmarkelov9915 It is hard because you care about that person. But if they really cared about you, they would not treat you that way. My ex received counseling at one point, but only changed for a short time, but then back to toxic behavior. Its hard to leave someone you care about. But you cannot help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. You can sit her down and have a talk with her about how she treats you and offer her help. If she refuses and doesn't want to change, walk away because life is to short. We all deserve to be with some who makes us happy. A relationship should not be a constant struggle thats not what a healthy relationship is all about.
I was about to write CRITICISM when she said "opinionated" and mentioned it after. this is the biggest lesson I learned from my past relationship. if they tend to not shy away from saying things they don't like about how you are, what you do or who you are (and I'm not talking about deal breakers, I'm talking about minor things like them not liking how you phrased something that was intended to soothe them, or not liking how you express joy and excitement etc.). Healthy people aren't in default critic mode! They are focused on lifting you up, not nitpicking whatever it is they don't like about you
Last weekend I proposed to a girlfriend that in 5 five years did to me what you are describing and she said YES. But next day she calls me to day she doesn't feel good about it since I didn't make a speech when I asked her to marry me, since I didn't kneel properly and that I almost put the ring on the wrong hand (I admit this happened because I was very nervous). Now I feel terrible, I feel lost and broken....
@@demiancobos2758 Oh my goodness! really? I cant believe someone would criticize a proposal. And being nervous is cute and wholesome, not improper! I know how you feel, I was in the same place. Trust me when I say it gets better with time. I doesnt seem like it right now, but the pain wont be there forever. You will eventually find new love, better love. I promise you. Hold on. And if you can, only if you can, try to think that you dodged a bullet. That wouldnt, couldnt have been a healthy marriage. Sending prayers and best wishes your way.
Just broke up with my gf, she does that all the time. For example she would ask me if I wanted to play a game with her, I said "yea sure", she gets mad because I was not super enthusiastic about it.....and I would used to actually apologize for it and start to act all excited to play.
I have just done this just 6mths now with my best friend and it is not as hard as I thought it would have been. The punitive mindset disguised as sarcasm lead to lots of hurtful feelings.
I feel like my partner is toxic and I’m becoming toxic myself to retaliate. I hate that so much. Cannot wait to start therapy and do better/release myself from this.
Went through the same thing in my last relationship and I'm glad I got out of it. Seeing the worst come out of you is not a fun experience at all. Good luck with repairing yours and/or moving forward.
@Marcus Brown The only break you need is to create space and detachment from the ex. Therapy is not meant to help manage or be better to accept or work around his/her toxicity. Believe in yourself and sprint.
@@spilledsoju03 you see I used to think that way too. "Be the better person", "don't stoop to their level", etc. But things got so bad that I had to show I was capable of the same behaviour to scare the abuser. It worked for me because I was left alone for some time which helped clear my mind and plan an escape. Obviously this is not a good long-term solution or if there is a danger of physical abuse. Sometimes they have to get the taste of their own medicine so they think twice before hurting you again.
Being a co-dependent people-pleaser leaves one open to toxicity. I know. I lived them. Dr. Marks hit every nail on the head. When one extremely toxic relationship ended up with me in the hospital sick as a dog.. that's when I had to pull up the courage inside of me and say: Enough. I am keeping this disaster going. It's up to me to walk away. We do have to look at what part we play, like Dr. Marks says.
Some others: Blame shifting, Minimizing, Dismissing, Rationalizing, Deflecting, Lack of ownership (violating your boundaries) and of course constant lying.
Yeah. Even a workplace relationship can be toxic. And that can be worse than a toxic friendship because in some cases you have to spend so much time together and it's hard to get out of.
Lady Warrior and siblings, bosses etc. I can so clearly see how my father, ex husband, siblings and former bosses all had these issues in a CHRONIC way. Wish I had watched this video years ago. Unfortunately it took me YEARS to learn these red flags THE HARD WAY!
I got out of a toxic relationship today. I still love him so it was really hard... He made me think I was the toxic one and that's why I'm here watching this. I'm glad I got out of the relationship but it hurts.... :(
I really hit home with this. The relationship felt off so I broke things off. I felt like I was the toxic one and was always apologizing. It hurts that I never processed the abuse until after, even when people were telling me. I was so blinded by wanting to make things work. It hurts, but stay strong and proud. 🥺
Don’t do anything to admit or fix it. It’s better to gaslight like others as they win. Doing the right thing has never helped me. Working with a personal coach now. It amazes me how easy people can be brain washed and manipulated. It happens to me and I am super careful with letting people in now! I was floored at the manipulation, lies, gaslighting, and my ex could convince you that your own eyes to see you and it’s really an apple you seen not a banana!!!
P.s. I make a few mistakes and it is highlighted!!!! Someone else can lie manipulate cheat prevent the whole family from doing anything financially but yet somehow it all gets turned on me I’m sure he’s got some kind of evidence that he has framed like the media you know goes with the narrative. Narracist People are so dangerous
@@sparkstudies1675 well after ten years I think it's safe to say in my case that no they won't ever ever change...OMG the manipulation and guilt this person put on me was like torture but then again everything about them was torture ......stupid me kept falling for their being nice then to turn on me in matter of minutes
I married my highschool sweet heart , he’s the only one I have been with ... 16 years now ... everything on this video is him. I wish I wasn’t so naive... now I don’t know how to leave. Your videos are so valuable and I appreciate these videos so much ! It hads opened my eyes. Thank you 🙏
May I add: No statute of limitations. They can and will drag up anything you have ever done wrong in your life since the day you were born and throw it in your face at any time for any reason. By the way, your videos are fantastic and I thank you so much for sharing them on RU-vid.😀
I left my toxic relationship of 10 years a few days ago, he was most all of these things. I'm watching these videos to validate myself because I still feel guilty for leaving.
I got my help from someone, he was the only one who was able to help me bring back my ex husband back to me and he save and solve my relationship problem ❤️❤️❤️
It's even harder when you have children with them. Being toxic is like a cancer that affect the whole family. Find ways to distract yourself, when you find yourself thinking or missing the toxic person. Best of luck 🙏❤
All of this is spot on! But when you have a 40 plus year marriage that was good the first 35…..then the accusations, the belittling, the anger, the unwarranted lack of trust, the manipulative controlling ….it gets really hard to separate your lives when there are not only adult children, but grandchildren involved. I don’t know anymore where he ends and I start. .
I walked out on my toxic (mental and emotional abusive) relationship last week. Stay safe everyone. You all deserve to love yourself and not be hated for doing so. ❤️
I believe I am somewhat toxic, after watching this clip. I really love my fiance and after a pretty serious episode where I hurt her emotionally, I have begun taking steps to become a better man for her, God willing.
No, not God willing. God won't fix you. Only you can fix you. It's important to remember that therapy and god and outside forces can't fix someone that isn't ACTIVELY changing themselves.
@@seDrakonkill things have been improving, back in Feb my fiancé and I married. Her love for me enables my trauma to heal, and slowly better my behavioural patterns. My toxicity didn’t just come from nowhere, sadly I had a very bad childhood, where I was raised in a toxic environment which in turn turned me to be toxic myself. I realised I needed help many years ago, did therapy in different periods of my life, but I never gave up on myself. It is true I can only fix myself, yes it’s true but it wouldn’t happen without help. My mental health was shattered as a child. I was innocent and I was punished for being a child, no one should go through that. I picked up the pieces all by myself. It’s more complex than you may understand but slowly I’ll get to the point in which I will be able to say. I have made it through notwithstanding all the hardships I had to face.
I left for my own peace. Yes people do change with time. His chronic anger 🤬, relentless sarcasm, and controlling nature broke me down in four years. If I stand for myself..he calls me narcissistic, manipulator, blames me for worsening the relationship, demeans me. Omg every single point in this video is so true. I left this toxic relationship and feels so peaceful... I observed that he won't do anything to mend the relationship. There is never a closure.
Stellios Theo Seems like most of us need to change Same problem here but I couldn’t see it before or just wouldn’t admit to it. Your comment let me know I’m not the only one
Anthony Greaves ..Glad I shed some light on it for you Anthony. If we are to improve ourselves, we need to take some serious action, otherwise we could fall back into that habit
i almost cried at the manipulation one because the guy i was talking to would always make me feel bad for saying no. i can't believe i defended him for so long
@@HypocrisyLaidBare Pip, I hope you're doing okay. The fact that you're capable of such remorse and self-reflection tells me you're not as bad of a person you think you are. You have PTSD, allow yourself some grace and forgiveness. Your children need you (even if they're grown). If you truly had problematic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, there are much better ways to address these issues than ending your life. You're worth it. 💛
@@HypocrisyLaidBare Her infidelity is never ever your fault. You cant force anyone to do anything. Do not blame yourself. She could have divorced you or talked it out with you.
I think big chunks of our whole society is geared toward making us feel bad for saying no. I'm sorry that the guy did that to you and glad (it sounds like) you got away from him.
@@HypocrisyLaidBare Reread what you said. You talk about you in almost every sentence, trying to get sympathy, attention, praise for your "mercy" etc. IMO you are toxic. Try to change. Start thinking about others, e.g. your children. Are you sure your suicide would be good for them? Would you like your father to do it to you? Your world is all about you and your excuses for hurting others and yourself. This is the problem. Good luck! P.S. I do not hear any remorse as others do. Better stay single.
My ex used to say that I made him feel small whenever I accomplished something. As if I should make myself small to make him feel better about himself.
I knew when I married my husband twenty years ago I would have to dumb myself down to be with him. And he’s never loved me. Sad and sick waste of my life. I do have my daughter though.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Metaspyhub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
Ah ..could that be because your dog gives you unconditional love and you reciprocate in kind ? Dogs love you no matter what mood your in , whether you took out the trash or not ..if you fart loudly and laugh at yourself . Dogs are amazing
You definately read my mind! So true! Animals don't stab you in the back like people do! I have a closer relationship with my dog also for that very reason ❤️🐾
For anyone watching this who is scared of the fallout once you start to take action to distance yourself or change your behaviors: Don't hold yourself back from pursuing happiness for fear of someone else's reaction. You cannot control how they respond, but it will more than likely tell you whether or not this is someone you want to keep in your life after all. If they leave you on your journey of growth, that says more about them than it does about you.
I cried listening to this...i felt like for once i just needed someone to talk to me...not just me myself facing the problems and coming up with solutions. Feels so good to be understood
Watched this video thinking of my partner then I realized my traits have become toxic as a result to protect myself. I don’t want to become what broke me.
This is my father 110% and was me as well until just barely over half a year ago. I was severely toxic in all of the ways listed in this video and more. Proudly, I became extremely self aware and self reflective, got some professional help, stayed with non-toxic family, and have changed my life nearly 180 degrees. Thanks to channels like this one this was possible. Change is hard, and rare, but I promise it is totally doable if you really put in the work.
@Jarod Russell thank you so much! That gives me hope for my fianc'e. I've been so upset, because I really love him, and I don't want to let him go. I hope this is possible for him!
Jarod Russell that’s great but you moved away. I can tell you, it’s easy to do like that. If you had to become dependent on him again don’t be surprised if all your hard work and change wears off quick.
I dated someone who I believe has border personality disorder. We eventually ended the relationship because she realized she would get angry with me very easily. I also felt like I was walking on egg shells with her. If I communicated something with her it was taken so hard. I loved her so much and didn't want to end it over that. But now that I haven't been with her for 7 months I feel a sense of relief. I don't have to deal with the walking on egg shells. I am still very much in love with her...
My boyfriend of 10years actually has driven me insane.I hate the blaming me,that's the worst.I was watching this while he was in the room,I cud feel the tension and his face screwed up and he walked out the room.I actually left him and went to a friends for 2weeks,he love bombed me back.Stupid me hey?And after about 8 days he went back to his old self.This is the cycle.I actually have thoughts of ringing his neck,lol I'm planning to leave him Asap.i have a flat I'm going to run away to,I'm leaving him for good.I need to be free.Wish me luck people 😓
your video made me realize how toxic I am being even when I am not intending to be :( I’ve been asking of someone I care about « why why why » of an important decision they made. And I haven’t stopped. It’s something I genuinely didn’t understand their reason behind, but I think at the end of the day I’m asking it only to change their mind. thanks for the clarity.
Thank you soooo much for this video. I just finished the toxic relationship thanks to this. He was doing every single thing, but I was justifying his treatment because I loved him too much. I walked away from him for myself now and it feels better than I thought!
I wasted 19 years with a abusive, narcissist, negative, gaslighting and toxic husband, I feel that every time I stayed I enabled him to treat me like that over and over again. wish I had left long ago but it's all good, thank you God for helping me take this step of staying away.
It took me a long time to recognize these signs, but when I left- it became one of the most liberating and freeing experiences in my life. I found out more authentically who I was, and my perception of self stopped being skewed by someone who said they loved me, but only under the condition I molded into his expected perception. I am authentically my self, no altered perceptions attached. If you are in a toxic relationship, know that it is incredibly confusing and difficult when you are in it to leave- you start to see all of the good and to minimize the bad. But the sadness and confusion lifts, and you can see clearly in time.
I’ve been toxic in my relationship I’ll admit it. After watching this video made realize it even more and it’s not okay at all. I hope whoever is going through the same thing I went through that they grow out of it because it’s not good for any relationship or friendship. It’s up to you if you wanna change your behavior nobody else could do it for you but guide you to the right path.
@@myjimmytoraw2953 unless this list parallels their experience, at which point it might be a good idea to seek a professional opinion to be sure. Were you Mgtow before you read about it on the internet?
Watching that message is pretty scary for me because I feel like I have been the toxic person in my marriage (which has now failed). I don’t check all of the boxes that you discuss but I really don’t want to be that sort of person who scares others. I’ve made a note of the topics you covered and I am going to discuss them with my psychologist. Thank you so much for producing these videos, I have watched quite a number of them and have found your knowledge and insight to be very helpful. Please be encouraged and continue your good work. Peter
Some years back a therapist shocked me into acknowledging a deep truth about my mother. "Donna, when are you going to realize your mother is just superficial?" Yes, it shocked me. But it also liberated me from gallery expectations. Thanks for reminding me. And, again, listening to you forces me to acknowledge that my ex guy just doesn't want to accept a nine year "relationship" is a relationship at all.
I like what you say about _don't internalize their negative opinion of you._ Absolutely critical! Never take it to heart. Because they're projecting. It's not constructive criticism either. I feel someone who genuinely cares about you that isn't using you, manipulating, playing you for fool, doesn't try to bring you down. They boost you up, encourage and make you happy. And they never want to be the cause of your pain..
Anna Kolodziej wow its funny my friends are exactly like that, always brining me up and encouraging me and just making me feel good about myself and my fiancé is the total opposite, at the start of the relationship he was rly perfect but as time goes on i rly see his manipulative and stubborn behaviour he can never take no for an answer and if he does he'll completely shut down until i listen to him.
See, I'd agree but I try to keep a brutally honest environment in my relationships - even with myself. My friends appreciate it because they know I'll be honest with them, good or bad. Sometimes they end up feeling broken down, sometimes they feel uplifted. I just try to be respectful. Idk, maybe it's similar to what you've said.
bro, there's a fine line between respectful honesty as genuine care and guileful manipulative underhanded abuse disguised as "concern" (the narcopath specialty). Being honest isn't a detriment, in my opinion. It's problematic when a person negatively berates someone with sinister ill-intentions & ulterior motive, expecting them to own it. Then if confronted denies their behavior claiming they're doing it because they "care"
10 Red Flags of a Toxic Relationship Chronic Anger Sarcasm Disparaging humor Punitive mindset Controlling nature Excessive insecurity Opinionated Manipulator Self-centeredness On the offense 4 ways to Detox a Relationship Take a break from interactions w/ the person Create emotional distance Look at your contribution See a Professional
It’s crazy because I feel horrible about myself and my relationship most days. But I recognize a few of these traits in myself. Becoming aware that we both have our issues and apparently only one of us is willing to acknowledge and try to fix them.
Watch out for passive aggressive anger .. I did not recognise my mother's anger, having grown up with it. And she did all those things. Thanks, Dr Marks
I know folks that want therapy but wont get it cause of money...and the lousy therapists are the only affordable ones..sometimes when ya get soo many opions on rekationships..even tho the the general ideas are the same..ypure scared ro say the wrong thing for fear of vad reaction
Once we apply these to everyday life. We will notice who’s actually authentic or fake. The world becomes different and the amount of friends we have becomes much smaller. Being in these relationships, we begin to understand why individuals do the certain things they do. When someone has low self esteem, they have different pathways they can take. A pathway of creating healthy behaviors that don’t include revenge or self admiration from others. Or the other, where the egotistical self becomes involved with paranoia and selfish behaviors. In the end we have a choice. You’re either honest with yourself and others, or you just assume that everyone has to agree with you. We are responsible for our behaviors and actions, spite the circumstances. Being afraid of being hurt physically, it’s way different than being hurt mentally. Sometimes when you’re honest, it’s better than being hurtful with actions. So if we don’t get an answer, we should walk away, forgive and move on without them.
I have always been like 'give toxic people a piece of their own medicine' until I realised that that's how I get emeshed in tge reversed psychology. Thank you for this video doc. I am starting to master the art of no response and seeing how that doesn't internalise and poison me. In South Africa there's a great saying by our legend Rolihlahla Nelson Mandela "Resentment is like drinking poison and wishing the other person dies." ♡
“if you grew up around someone who did some of these things, you may find yourself being attracted to similar people even though you don’t like their behavior” I can relate. My dad was toxic not just to my mom but to me as well. And I always end up being with someone toxic. It’s really hard for me to let go of the relationship because of the memories and because of his optimism for our future despite the situation. And I tend to get excited and fall for the cycle again and again… I really do hope that one day, I’ll have the courage to let it go. For my own sake at least.
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I found that In my seven years of being with my fiancé, It was in the final year that I realized I had been blind to the toxicity she had had over me all of these years, and it took me watching videos like this and a lot of my own research for me to finally realize that the toxicity was always right in front of me, and I never looked there. Sometimes the things we fail to see, were right in front of us the whole time. Instead of being angry at your spouse, thank them, because their toxicity allowed you to grow and gain knowledge about you as a person, which gave you the chance to truly figure out what you want in a relationship, and it was not that.
Right. Everyone has selfish and manipulative tendencies, that is called sin nature. Fighting against it and choosing love and respect is making the mature step away from that mental pitfall.
this isn’t really accurate. most people aren’t toxic on this level. generalizing everyone into being ‘ toxic ‘ shows that you just want to feel better about being toxic yourself by saying, “ well, everyone is toxic anyways! so it’s not that bad “. please reframe your mindset.
Thank you. Watching this video was the push I needed to recognize my own role in my toxic relationship. I was so focused on my anger that I blamed the other person entirely. The truth is I am acting destructively and hurting people I care about. This video helped me realize how important it is to begin with my own behavior.
That's Awesome To Begin With To Own Up To Your Own Experiences And Mistakes It Takes A Strong Person To Admit His Wrong Doings Congratulations Sir For A Job Well Done Keep Up The Good Works Blessings All The Way 👍
Rage, chronic sarcasm, important points of change remaining unchanged, blame, controlling nature, ill treatment of others they perceive as lesser same request over and over, they don’t hear, though they listen! A predominant self centeredness. All 🚩! Thank you Dr, familiarity breeds comfortable feelings in distraction. Double messages, I adore you as you are/if you changed X you’d be perfect…. Feeling weird or that things are off, is because they are off. Statements like “your perfect, your exactly like me!” Define your reasons for staying, change your role then observe where your at emotionally at after a healthy change!
smh watching this makes me realize how toxic i've been in my current relationship. Growing up around 2 narcissists has made me realize I don't even realize I'm doing it! :(
Well I handle toxic relationships and friendships in a different way. I prefer to ignore and avoid them.. Basically leave them.. Bcz its much more peaceful to have no such people in daily life😁
My motto is K-I-M, KEEP IT MOVING. I limit my time around these people in my life, family included. I don't drink or party around these people. It's Hi hows it going? "That's great" 10-15 mins MAX. Time to go. You can't change these people. But I CONTROL MY TIME and don't stay for any negative vibes or conversations. K-I-M.
Me, who's been in at least 2 very long lasting toxic relationships and is just now learning what non-toxic relationships are like: oh...so _this_ is what it's like to not be around toxic people. Huh. Very nice
Took a break from my best friend, we started hanging out again recently, now I realize I don’t even want the friendship, due to them being extremely toxic. The break made me realize how horrible they are to me. I felt better when I wasn’t their friend. So I think I’ll slowly start distancing myself :)
This just happened to me. I was very busy and didn’t text them for ten days. But they didn’t text me either! So I was nice and shared how busy I was. Then they didn’t reply. Been two weeks. Whatever. I’m good. Peace
Don’t go slow. Just close the door. Walk away. Be too busy, have plans already, don’t reply, don’t return calls. Always have an excuse (busy and forgot) ready if needed to de-escalate a confrontation, and just keep on being gone.
I was hurt and heart broken when a very big problem occurred in my marriage seven months ago, between me and my wife . so terrible that she took the case to court to file a divorce. She said that she cannot continue to stay with me again, and she said "I don't love you anymore" So she took her things out of the house and made me and my children passed through several emotional pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back, after much begging, but all to no avail. and she confirmed it that she has made her decision, and she never wanted to see me again. So one evening, as i was coming back from work ,i meant an old friend of mine who asked of my wife .So i explained every thing to him, so he told me that the only way i can get my wife back, is to visit a prophet to know what is really behind this issue, because it has really worked for other people too. So i never believed in spell, but i had no other choice than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the Email address of the prophet. prophetehiagwina @gmail .com. So the next morning, i sent a mail to the address he gave to me, and the prophet respond the following day and assured me that i will get my wife back the next day. Hopefully I believed since my friend recommended me to him, ,so we discussed and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who didn't call me for the past 7 months, gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back. So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day ,with lots of love and joy, and she apologized on her mistake ,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day ,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before ,by the help of a prophet . So, i will advice you out there if you have any problem contact PROPHET EHIAGWINA, i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you.. Email him at: prophetehiagwina @ gmail. com call/whatsapp +2348139182295 prophet ehiagwina can help solve problems such as: genetic battle spell to kill or destroy your enemy promotion spells win lottery dealing narcissist spell Avenge someone Spell to someone and many more
I realize I’m the toxic one. Lord help me 🤣. Seriously though I’m going to work on this. I’ve attracted the same person as my ex and I realize this is because I need to fix what’s wrong in me.
I only need TWO Red flags. 1) I don't feel good around someone (I trust my gut) and 2. They don't make time to be with me (they don't feel good around me). I think you're overthinking the issue and wasting time. Relationships shouldn't need fixing. They're either good or they're not. Trust your gut.
shit idea ! your only ever going to be with VERY expeirneced men and pick up artists if you want that, aquad guys are aquad because they dont know m uch about dating women, they have listened to women and are decent guys who want love badly, a guy who can make a woman comfortable has charm and experience and he will likely cheat on you because if he can charm you he likely can charm any woman ! this is another reason why women have such awful taste in men !
@@mcpartridgeboy truth like is to much man slightly twisted. I'm a social mis fit mate no friends of note. But I can pick up women if I decide that's what I'm doing done. But IV only ever picked right once. It's not women or man it's our values a society that's lost ands it both sexs
This is the best video. My ex had every single one of these 10 red flags. Her extreme mood swings, her constant barrage of degrading comments about me, her total self centeredness was nothing like I've ever experienced. It totally shook my world. And the worst part is that whenever I would get upset or try to talk to her about the way she acts towards me, she would label me as being 'hypersensitive', 'such a little princess', etc. But the kicker was that when I would leave her or break up with her, she would then completely love bomb me, then manipulate me into getting back together with her by lying that she will change her ways, and then the cycle started all over again. Now, just recently we broke up for good. The very next day she is dating a new man who she was already lining up without me knowing, and 2 days later they were sleeping together. It's been an extremely painful and degrading experience being with this person.
And all in all reality are you in prison is he bonding you think of what you're saying do you really think you'll be better with two kids out on your own
You're falling for societies trap a relationship is something that you work at if you're not feeling the relationship anymore meaning that you are out of the Romantic stage's
@Chamila Schadlou, right you are, get away from there (or you probably have by now), it's better for your kids, too. I know what I am talking about. Hugs and good luck ♥️
What I did wrong: being overly critical, angry, sarcastic, disparaging humor What my partner did wrong: being controlling, insecure, manipulative, self-centred What we both did wrong: we chose the wrong behaviours and got help too late
You’re changing lives for everyone who takes the message in this video seriously! Thank you for your work! Stay strong , folks, and WALK AWAY from time consuming relations that aren’t making your better but MISERABLE!!!!
