Arlington's Kim O'Connell Goes Looking For Her Vietnamese Mother's Past -- and Finds Part of Herself 

Her mom was so pretty when she was younger

The mother was soooo pretty when she was younger and the daughter doesn't look half and half at all. I cannot imagine how sad and lonely she must have been when she lost custody of her child.

Your mother did everything for you not to be rejected by Americans. Your father should have taken care of her even after divorce

Ugh imagine growing up eating PB&Js when you could’ve been having those delicious spring rolls 😍😂

I’m glad for your mother. She has a very forgiving heart. She was absolutely selfless and, well, let’s hope after you watch this back and truly listen to your words that you may gain some of her humility and grace. Bless her. Cannot imagine how lonely it would be after moving to a new country and then losing your children. Bless her

Surprising it took the death of her dad to realize she needed to amend her relationship with her mom. She should have understand her moms feelings and point of view much sooner

Wow her mother was stunning in those wedding photos!

Glad she has reconnected with her mom, before it was too late. Her mom is a beautiful soul...how she must have felt so alone after the kids decided they didn't want to go see her anymore...how much she must have cried over it. 😢

Cherish your mother. There's nothing compares to a mother's love.

your parents’s wedding picture is so beautiful

Your mother is such a beautiful person and I think out of respect for your father she tried to assimilate herself and you children because she thought it would make it easier for the family .You are so blessed to still have her with you and her grandchildren can know her as a part of their lives.

A mother's love never dies ❤ and it took the father to pass for her to seek her mother. And her mother is still a beautiful lady.

Being mixed myself, International marriages are not easy. Happy to see she now adores her mother. She should of never been abandoned like that. Fathers who marry women from abroad should know better...

You don’t explain why your father got custody of you and at such an early age. And not having contact with her after that , she must have really felt alone and sad. And maybe the courts didn’t she her fairly because she was VNese and there weren’t any other VNese to help her navigate the court system.

Poor mom. Raised her kids , lost custody of them then estranged by them.

Omg your mom is so beautiful! That’s why the neighbors were hating!

Thank you for shared your story , it was touching my heart because of your parents and you and your brother are so lucky to have her now why I said that because some Amerasian babied war, they didn't have any luck like both of you have, because their parents left them behind or lost or abandoned them special American Soldier fathers, why I said because it was truth and because I am in the one of them, my father was an American Army in Longbinh and Bienhoa when he meet my mother she was 19 years old was a mailgirl and I was born in February 14th..... at that time my father left my mother I was 2 months old in Tet in time my mother was too young to raise me so she gave me up to a 25 years old woman who was a Housekeeper in Longbinh, she was raised me and she was changed my identities to Thuy and different birthday......... In April 30, 1975 the adopted family moved to South Haugiang and I was starting Ist grade of school in 1977, every day the children was laughing at me and I had no friend, because I was looked different than them, my eyes was blue, my hair was curly brown and my skin white.. In 1982 my adopted mother died and I lived with my grandmother at that time I was quick go to school and went to worked at the fillrice and earn money to lived on and took care of my grandmother. . Two years later in 1984 my grandmother was old and she was very sick in the hospital at time we didn't have enough money to pay the hospital and medical costs to go home so one day the wealthy family saw me very sad and cried in front of the hospital was bugging people for the money to pay grandmother hospital so at that time the wealthy family was paid for the hospital costs for my grandmother and we went home and a week later when I came home from work the fillrice I saw the wealthy family and my grandmother was taking about me have to leave the house and go live with them in Saigon, at that I was cried and I didn't wanted to go but my grandmother made me go because she said we own them a lot of money... So I have to go to lived with the wealthy family for 4 months and 18 days and my grandmother died. Day I went to private school for Vietnamese language and night time I was study English really heard but I didn't learned much because the sadness was always in my head it was hurting me In May, 1998 me and the wealthy family flew the to America because I am an amerasian..........I am greatfull that I am in America now and I am thankful that I did the dnaAncestry. Com and I was found my father, but he death, it was sad that I didn't have a chance to get to know him but I am thankful for that I know my roof of my father's site now I am willing to go back to Vietnam to searching my birth Mother's site when the Covid -19 is over maybe next year or 2 I will .... I hope you like my story, Thank you ! By the way my English is not too good like you so if I said something wrong, please forgive me, Thank you and God bless!

I am amerasian as well my father took us home to the US when I was 2 in 1970 i am so grateful for it as others were not as i have gotten almost 50 i really want to connect and learn everything about my heritage

Her mom is beautiful and so is she...

Your mom was such a pretty woman! I am glad that you were able to connect with her again and put bad feelings behind and share new experiences, make her a part of your family and that you embrace her culture as well, since it is your heritage too. Very happy for you!

I just feel sorry for your mom that it took your dad's death for you to really try to connect with her. She was incredibly beautiful and at least you're trying to be around her now. Her heart must have broken over not having you and your brother around.

beautiful story. Her son has a resemblance to his Vietnamese Grandma.

I have an egg roll tip for ya. If you want it to stay crispy. You have to stand the egg roll straight up after it is cooked so it won't get soggy. Never lay it flat down.

I am a Vietnamese boat refugee. My family came to the US in the late 70's and everyone have become Americanized except for my parents. My dad worked odd jobs for many years and then moved back to Vietnam when he retired. My mom, like many Vietnamese went into the nail business. She was stricken by severe Parkinson when she got older and we weren't sure if it was from Agent Orange or from her years of doing nails. After she passed, I decided to rediscover my roots so I went back to VN to visit after 40+ years away and also to see my dad who I haven't seen for over 15 years. At that point, I told myself, I need to work my butt off for the next 10 years and retire early and move back to VN and travel throughout SE Asia. Hopefully I can make that happen. Now that I'm older, I'm proud of my experiences and roots. It wasn't always that way when I was growing up. Thank you for your story!

I would have never thought she was mixed she looks all white

Wow, what a “good “ daughter!!! It is only when her father passed then she realized she still had another parent!

No matter what is the motivation the daughter has, I am glad to see the conciliation between them now and hope she loves her for real. She shouldn’t distance from her mom at the first place though.

She gave everything as a mother would.The rewards defy measurement.

You so lucky to have your mother, God bless to family !

You are so lucky, you have a Wonderful mom!

Her Mother is always beautiful...🦋

Thank you for being candid and not bringing excuses to the story...it just was what it was. I appreciate those kind of story telling.

I hope you have visited Vietnam with your mom. Please try if you haven’t, 🤗 🤗

That’s beautiful to your mother with her grandkids and your family,enjoy your Mother every moment

Your mother is gorgeous. Looked like a movie star!

Beautiful wedding pic of your parent. You mom look amazing and so pretty . Wow

I like that the two of you have reconnected. It is not only good for both of you but for your children to get to know their grandmother. I agree with Sicilia's earlier comment that your mom was a very pretty when she was younger.

Her mom was so happy to be there.

The world is small. I’m part of a couple Asian countries and one of them is Vietnam. Beautiful story. Love to see such great things out of the citizens of my country 🌻

That is a great story! She has a lot to be proud of and to be able to close that loop with her mother is precious.

Love your Mother everyday that you wake up. You will only get that one. I applaud you for reaching out to her and bringing her back into your life. You will be rewarded with nothing but good days. You are doing the right thing. Regret can be a terrible thing to have on your conscious. Doing this you will have no regrets. This is coming from a woman whose Mother died when she was 9 years old. I know the void and the longing for my Mother's love it never goes away. Give her a hug for me. God Bless you and your Mother and may both of your days be long on this earth that our God gives to us.

Waw, beautiful woman🌺 when she was young and still now!

You remind me the family that my family met in Reston, Va. back in 1975 when we just came to America. Thanks for posting your family story.

The mother is a smart women, she probably went thru a lot coming to America, and always spoke English to her kids. Glad they are all good now

i know this is late but i listen too a gentleman on a ham radio. he is scanning about 6000 pictures into his laptop. and the biggest regret he says he made is not asking his Mother and Father who the people in the pictures were. and not writing their names on the back. if you have not done that ask you mother who they are and write the names down. and this goes for all people out there who have old photos. you will not regret doing it for future generations. i can not do this now as both my parents are gone.

What a beautiful outcome together.

Lovely!

so touching.

I love it when people makes backhand comments without realizing it. If someone says "oh your mom looks pretty back then". Is that a compliment? an insult? Or both?

Love you story and Best wishes for you family , God bless you

So so proud of her

Big mistake no speaking your native language to your own kids.. I’m proud and happy that I lauded spoke mine to my daughter, Now she is bilingual and there’s nothing wrong with that ..

Hi Kim, did you grow up in Missouri? When I was 12 years old in 1982, my family and I immigrated to the US and settled in Missouri. We got to know a family whose father was a US soldier and the mother was Vietnamese. The daughter was named Kim and and I forgot the little brother's name. I think it was John, may be. My family and I only lived in Missousi for four months and we left for California. Anyway, I hope you are that Kim who lived in Missouri.

she is very lucky indeed my mom passed away she is malaysian, I found my family in UK through fb the lost people in UK 7 years ago before my mom died 3 yrs ago

My mom did the same only spoke English one of the biggest regrets but she held on to the Filipino culture

Great story!

She only got interested in knowing her mom to fill the gap her father left when he died?🤷🏻‍♀️

Been through Bien hoa many times on the way to Gia an were my sister in law lives . I lived in vietnam for 2 year 6 months . Sadly cannot return due to the current situation. Cheers from australia

Her mother is a beautiful woman inside and out.

Beautiful family!!!!!!! And her mom was Beautiful!!!!!!!

Beautiful daughter with beautiful heart!!! ❤

She doesn’t look half Viet at all 🧐

The mom was so pretty when she was younger!

Beautiful story and that food looks soooo good!

Very touching, a beautiful story

Many of you are more focused on her looks rather than on her story. Did you not just hear her say in the video how she feels half and half and wanting to feel whole? Do you not understand what she meant by that? Making statements saying she doesn't look this or she looks too much of that is just invalidating part of her identity and it's actually really offensive. It's also quite unnecessary. As a mixed-race person myself, I can relate to that struggle. Think before you want to tell someone they're not enough of this or not enough of that. Statements like that can make someone feel less of who they are and it's not uncommon to go through life hearing different people tell you similar things. It's a complex issue that I'm sure many people with diverse backgrounds face. Anyway, they're beautiful people with a touching story.

I love what they're eating!!! In the Philippines we call it "Lumpia", I don't know how they call it in Vietnam for I know it's an Asian food . . .

I would be sooo mad. I would love to speak more than one language

In my personal opinion, you are lucky to have time with your mom. Cherish those moments for they are precious. Thank you for sharing your story.

God Bless Your Family

Now that Kim is older, she has a different perspective. It’s the fact that some biracial children consciously or subconsciously reject the perceived “lesser” culture and only accept the perceived “greater” culture. It’s great that now she’s reconnected with mom after dad passed away. I’m sure it was a mother-daughter issue and not the culture/heritage issue. Seems that some on this platform blames Kim for not reconnecting with her mom sooner. But again, I think that’s a parent-child thing. The reconnecting/or not with the other half of her heritage is a whole separate matter. It’s good for her that she finally realizes the importance of not being disconnected from one’s (half) heritage. Having additional heritage/s can certainly add different dimensions/experiences to one’s life. It can make one’s life much richer and/ or more worldly perhaps. However, it’s not always the case. Since all cultures have baggages, it’s up to the ability of the parent (s) to best help introduce/educate/incorporate their children to/into the culture. Now looking back, (not to be critical) Kim’s mom decision to cut the Viet culture out of her children lives served a short term immediate goal (to be accepted & incorporated into American society) at the cost of the long-term life-richness and/or potentials. Just know this fact: many Viet children (whether 2nd generation or came here when young) in America with both Viet parents can not speak the language well or can not speak at all. For that matter, they’re somewhat or totally disconnected with the culture on the emotional level. Well, unfortunately, we all know it all goes back to the parents. If they know how to make it fun & interesting in introducing anything to kids, it will much more effective and that much easier. Your children & grandchildren will thanks you later ! Parents, it’s all up to you. Don’t blame the circumstances nor your kids. It’s all on you in your child’s formative years the additional unknown potential richness of life or not. Again, if you choose correctly, your children & later generations will thanks you immensely. Good luck, parents! I understand Kim’s mom. I bet she didn’t understand nor appreciated her culture/ heritage the way she does now that she’s older/wiser (that’s probably why, though not admitting, she’s happy that Kim has interest in her Viet heritage). Kim’s mom only knew what she only knew (the question I have is did Kim’s mom denied her children of Viet culture/heritage out of the need for a trouble-free assimilation or perhaps out of thinking less of the Viet culture? It’d be interesting to find out for educational/intellectual purpose). It’s all up to Kim now whether she wants to bless her children’s lives with worldly richness by knowing deeply another culture or not . Wishing Kim & her family the best !

She was beautiful when she was younger

Your mom so pretty

Her mother was beautiful when she was younger but a lot of these Vietnamese women were love the video

Wonderful!

my kids are mixed.. Eurasian.. they love eggrolls.. and asian food.. aside from meat and potatoes😂😂. they still want to speak tagalog.. aside. feom english german french.. and austrian dialect... 👍. bless your family

I'm happy for you too. I'm half American too and I still didn't know where is my parents yet now I feel lot something in my life sad

I grew up in Bien Hoa until age 9. My siblings and I used to play on the hill with many remnants of the war. tanks and bomb craters

The daughter doesn’t have a slightest hint look of half Asian. Love love ❤ the mother wedding dress .. she was sooooooo beautiful

I didnt her blame her mom for americanized her children. Becos all parents wants the best for their children. When grew up lacking parents usually try to make up for it. My mom and her siblings didnt pass down their dialects to us and i kinda regret i don hv it.

Better late than never to get to respect Mum.

Proud to be human no what ever you both native proud of it the only thing is not treat bad ly in world

Cute little lady. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

She looks like she can be related to my mother omg and my mother also doesnt looks asian at all . She never knew her american father at all beside a name and one photo of him and ive trying to help her find him.

Thank u for sharing your story..from cebu, philippines

From the perspective of a kid with immigrant parents and grandparents, especially in the 50s-80s many immigrants tried to assimilate as much as they could. It’s clear that her mother was well educated and spoke English so she felt that by speaking only English to her kids she was giving them a much better chance at assimilating, at growing up and not getting bullied, finding better jobs etc… that was the mentality at the time. Many Americans at the time made immigrants feel “other” and left out of opportunities. So the more “American” you were the better economic and social opportunities you had. I hope the daughter understands this and doesn’t jut resent her mom not teaching her language. She did it for a reason and you just have to accept it. The best you can do now is learn the language yourself. But it’s important to have empathy and put yourself in the shoes of your mom. Why she did the things she did. My grandparents were poor growing up and immigrated without knowing any English at all. So they never taught their kids English. In our case our parents grew up knowing both English and Spanish, but for people who were well educated and knew some English they really doubled down on fully assimilating into the culture l. And I get it. I totally get it.

Does Grandma speak Vietnamese to the grandchildren? 🤗

What a story. Even with all that happened it's nice to see she had that time to get close to her mom. It would of been a even greater loss if it was the other way around. She had a already great relationship with her dad before he passed and now its nice she had the time to dive into getting to know her mom aya deeper level. Alot of people don't get this chace, I'm glad she got hers......

Beautiful story MashaAllah

Those egg rolls look yummy, your journey is special! Your parents are amazing. We can not imagine those times!

Well done

Kim does not look Asian at all but it's admirable for her to reconnect with her heritage. I remember that not being the case with the biracial Viet kids I came across with in my youth. Like her mother, they were adamant in being solely American and Americanized.

Sure glad you n mom got closer thru out the years...divorces kill so many hopes for so many involved...good job mom, great job little girl to grown up woman

You are one gorgeous mix viet American lady

Beautiful mother.

Wow she was beautiful!!

Just sharing - - - Parents are always roll models, always! This poem is titled 'Leaving the life.' Leaving the life I had wandered in, Where no elder had revealed a way of finding, Among hidden perils all about, No hope of the danger to clear, But only a dream to some other day And then the nightmares to chase away. If only youth could last & luck still breed For emptiness lives with space There will the abyss make me circle, And hold me back to my end. No one to say, "Fool - turn to yourself & think. So the message is left to the elder To show a way for youth to follow. If it was only the calling message of my time To be a lesson from my life Where reason & logic caught. Where they dwelled & grew. A hard & contested wonder is this place, Where all my theories came true, There real stories gathered, That all could see & read the way, Till old classics grow beyond youth's way.

I know that divorce happens everyday but i still feel deep sadness when someone goes thru a divorce esp. when someone I know. I HATE DIVORCE.although i have not experience it myself.

What a bittersweet story. Can you share that recipe please.

this was nice is kinda made me cry though