Thanks for reminding me about that question. If I met someone who would make racist comments, I would say "Who the hell Do you think you are? Do you think your better than everyone?" It would shut them down. I'm going to say that to my narc next time he says racist comments in front of me. He also does that to get a rise out of me. I don't react anymore. His life is starting to unravel. He is 73 and has had a gambling problem since he was 17 yrs old. His losses are catching up to him. His health is kind of on the decline too. He can be so cruel to me sometimes but yet sometimes I pity him.
@lindaschultz7900 Good for you for knowing not to react anymore. I'm so grateful that survivors like us are learning and sharing their experiences🙏💜 It helps cut through the confusion they inflict so much!!
@@jbrown2908Mr. Brown I have no where to go. I went no contact for three yrs(1100 miles away from him). I lost my job and couldn't afford my efficiency hotel. I have a car payment that my abuser was supposed to pay. He stopped the payments after I left. I don't want to live in a tent. I am working with a domestic violence advocate and she is trying to get me a voucher through VAWA. There is a waiting list.
@@homespace1268 Good luck trying to reason with a truly pathological narcissist. If you point out that something isn't fair, or something is hypocritical they'll just be like "SO WHAT". I dealt with a deeply pathological malignant narcissist posing as a Christian pastor (the whole organisation was overrun with narcissistic corruption) and I pointed out how his junior pastor was bullying and discouraging Christian behaviour (such as mocking people's prayer requests, poo-pooing Christ's commands, bearing false wintess to destroy people that might expose their bullying). The head narcissist's response was first denial, then "So what? So what?" smirking to himself. I asked what about my right to be treated properly, with dignity. He replied "You keep mentioning rights. You HAVE no rights. You gave up your rights when you took up the cross." Then he'd organise all his evil little minions to bully me and anyone who saw & challenged the bullying culture. Absolute rotten satanic pig. Self-worship above everyone is the epitome of evil.
Ask that question to a narcissist and you’ll get a “Dexter” reply. The character, Dexter, always comes to mind when I’m dealing with my narcissist husband. Putting aside that the character was a serial killer who hunted serial killers, Dexter’s persona was completely an imitation of normal people. He had to pretend to be like others to “fit in” but had no real identity of his own except that he was a monster. Narcissists fail to learn, fail to grow and fail to introspect. They keep using the same behaviors that get them what they want. THAT IS ALL! They are Dexters!
Yeah, but dexter was not a true narcissist. He knew how to introspect and reflect on night boat outings and he did grow. Famous RU-vid psychologist Dr. Todd Grande said that he could not diagnose Dexter with anything because Dexter was not a true anything. He was fictional character with a cocktail blend of everything.
@@DwyaneWadeCounty I’m not saying that Dexter was a narcissist. I’m saying that narcissists act like Dexter in mirroring others because they don’t have an identity of their own. They are numb and empty like Dexter and clueless about genuine, acceptable feelings or behaviors. They don’t know how to be real just like Dexter. That’s not the same as saying Dexter was a narcissist.
@@vacationeyes6430 I have to disagree about the psychopath. Psychopaths don’t really have or show emotions nor are they capable of following a moral compass as Dexter did . Sociopaths do! Dexter certainly had rage and often expressed it in the extreme. I believe he was more of a sociopath and that is why he was able to have feelings.
Thank you for crediting Sam Vaknin, a lot of the people in these circles don't give credit where credit is due. Kudos and keep up the good work, you are appreciated.
It is very understandable some people do not give Sam Vaknin credit as he is a narcissist himself. It is interesting to listen to him but I wouldn't trust everthing he says
Watch the documentary from 2009 about him and a more recent video how he experiences his narcissism. It seems to me like he doesn't want to heal, he doesn't want to confront his shadow at all.
I don't really think that they believe that they are above all. I believe that they would LIKE to think that they are above all. And they try to make themselves believe that. 🤔🤔🤔
I keep pressing because I need to get to where I can say 'You can't explain yourself can you? Once again!!'. They always try to change the subject too.
Luke 12:53 NLT ‘Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.’”
My mother makes this statement often ever since I was a child and I never understood it. Now I do. She would say, “You have no idea what it’s like to live in this skin.” Now I know it was a demon talking. Even though she calls herself a Roman Catholic Christian and goes to mass everyday - creepy if you ask me- sacrificing who they think is Jesus over and over. I got out of that cult. The last time I saw her - 2 years ago- I looked her in the eyes and asked her, “What is your name?” She refused to look at me and looked down. Weird because if anyone asked me that I would look at them shocked and speak my name. The demons in her knew I was onto them. This plus the fact my brother and I were attacked by spirits in the house we grew up in. I knew something wasn’t right.
Yes, knowing the name of the possessing entity makes it possible to expel it. Fr. Ripperger has written a book on this called, "Deliverance Prayers for the Laity."
@@barbpaqyou know what is hilarious about this? Every state has an exorcist priest in the Catholic Church. Guess who was asked in the laity of her church to help the exorcist? My mother 😂 They would literally spend a year trying to cast out demons in one family to no avail. This poor family was so abused. My mother said they squirmed on the floor like snakes, yelled, spoke in gutteral moans and she said it’s pretty much like the movie Exorcist. Funny Jesus cast out demons immediately and within minutes. If you don’t have the true Holy Spirit in you then the demons will play with you. They needed to exorcise the demons in the priest and her first but she loved this ministry and when I asked about this family she said they ended up divorced and wrote nasty letters to the Catholic church how they were abused. She enjoyed every minute of watching these poor people being tortured by demons. Once again, Jesus did it quickly and immediately casting these demons out.
I feel for you. My husband and I have been married 3 years and together 13. I just found out he was a narcissist and with spiritual issues. I’m homeless and couch surfing with relatives. I also grew up being spiritually bullied by evil spirits. I tried my best to pray and be spiritually alert as an adult. I was often scared of him towards the end and would lock myself in our bedroom. I still have nightmares about it. I am safe now. I am glad you are too.
My she-Satan Monster lives the image of a true Christian However Cold she can truly be the real "FRO$T" is in MoMster'$ Sadistically Catholic Church of Oildale California.
The only reason parent needed to hear that was bc of their secret fear of being "nobody." Narcissists always project their insecurities onto others. You said what you had to in order to survive. Terrible thing to say to one's child.
@@tcme11 I agree. I was about to say that too. That was the narcissist's forced projection. THEY were the nobody. Forcing a child to accept the parent's shame is sick. I'm hope @forestcat8966 is away from them and that they cannot manipulate you anymore.
To ask them a question would imply i want more of thier toxic spewing! "I'm going no contact with pathological liars and phycopaths " works just fine! No response required EVER! CHEERS!
They think they can outsmart everybody by shape shifting or jumping ship. When push comes to shove, that's when they stay low or illusive relying on security cameras to monitor their residence. Home is where the heart is and when the heat is on, they're not home to be served what they dished out. Heartless souls indeed
The Foo Fighters have a song called "The Pretender" which I believe is about Narcissists. The bridge is this... So, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Yeah, who are you? Keep you in the dark You know they all pretend
Well "kama chameleon" by Boy George I think is as well. Actually there are a couple I can name. Narcissism has been around forever, the demon in Christian mythology was a term for the narcissist.
I think my extended family has many narcissists in it. Our parents were not sophisticated; stayed inside an immigrant community I don't think they had much time for self-reflection; just trying to make a living But the kids did go to college. But also do not have much self-reflection and inherited many of their traits from their parents. The latter is what I am still trying to comprehend
@@samscarletta7433 Yes, they are compulsive Liers. Think about this for a second, their entire life and self image is a lie, sooo not surprising right? that now that we look back we see the lies and deception they bled into our lives.
I actually asked this question during yet another angry attack, i saw his eyes light up like a devil, a kind of madness This was a sign for me to put an end to this relationship after 50 years. Now after 2 years of no contact i never received an answer to the question WHO ARE YOU? love from Nederland ❤
Its true narcs live everywhere. I married one of them in church. A false christian. Nowdays I get financially abuse from that thing but I feel strong enough to deal with it. There is no answer in this question. They are NOTHING an EMPTY SHELL.so painfull to marry such a bad person. Yes my hubby is so bad so evil person. All of them are like twins exactly the same character the same reactions.Good Lord help us please ❤ from Greece
I finally had it with a know it all narc sister and her constantly trying to make an example out of me or embarrass me in my own home in front friends and family. So when she went on one of her disrespectful know it all stupid rants in front of everyone, I came with “What makes you so qualified in anything you’re talking about?” She was so thrown off, stuttered and had nothing to say because she didnt expect it from ME! Her face was priceless. But that nonsense ended. She finally saw she met her match. I’m usually quiet and show her grace but she needed someone to put her in her place in front of everyone.
But if they’re incapable of introspection, it wouldn’t really bother them, would it? They wouldn’t be examining it in their mind, they’d just be thinking negative thoughts about you because you triggered them.
It depends upon their age and how much destruction they have left behind. They are able to perceive, and it is this hindsight vision that forces them to introspect, look into the mirror as it were. And they are able to heal their fractured inner selves. Ofc, beyond a certain age, if they are able to keep up their supply, it's more than likely than not. It's actually, malignant narcissism as Marty Glenn so eloquently teaches. Check him out
The last time my ex went on a tirade and called me nasty names I said to him “You need to look in the mirror whenever you call me names”. He shut up and didn’t say another word, it was like he had no answer for that.
It's been a long time, years ago, my narcisisst was in a rage and I held up a mirror in front of me so he could see what I was seeing when he was yelling and screaming and spewing. He had to turn away. Ugliness incarnate.
It is crazy how well you are describing the narcissist in my life without ever having met them. I've learnt so much about this through your videos, thank you!
It isn't that crazy. All narcissists follow the same unwritten script, but that script is the same as that of a young child. Self centered, attention seeking, constructing their own reality and throwing tantrums . Narcissists are stuck in that phase of life. It's like Ground Hog Day.
After I discarded my ex husband, he tried to hoover me with endless phone calls and text messages I Didnt answer, I simply wrote this: "I finally realized, who you really are". He never got in touch with me again.
This question "who are you?" genereally a good thing to say, but it can not work when they are your parents. Even if you managed to cut ties with them and they lost all controll over you. The answer to this question will be always "I am your mother" or "I am your father" and there is nothing you can do about that.
I agree but I met one guy who was the boyfriend of the owner of a bar with terrace and one day, after a long walk I sat there. It wasn't the first time but maybe the second and I had a conversation with the German lady who owns the place in English ( I can't speak German). So, he asked me who I was. I asked him if he meant what's my name. He said: no, who you are? It made me uncomfortable, maybe he was expecting me to say I'm a CIA agent. Maybe he is more xenophobic than narcissist, who knows. I told him: first, I'm a person. Second, I'm a woman. Third, I'm Spanish. Everything I said was obvious and it shows but it annoyed me enough to ask him back, and who are you? The guy said: "I'm fixing this (something he had in his hands) for her (the owner) and left right away. I say this because Dannish has a point there and I know it doesn't work with family but even when you go no contact you find these narcissists everywhere. I never came back and it's a place close to my apartment but for some reason which I think are historical, a woman by herself is not welcome anywhere and everybody think you are suspicious. This is a great point to ask Danish what can a scapegoat (woman) say to people to justify her loneliness because we are still treated like witches.
@@miriamhavard7621 Solution: When they lost you as a supply, they will look after another supply. So you tell those people to ask this devastating question, and that will going to initiate the collapse. There is always a way arround it. It's just has to be someone else to do it. Many task better to be outsourced, and this is one of them.
@@jbrown2908 Thanks although I'm terrible with affirmations 😂 and I know that and that's why when I find rude people (often narcs) I just avoid them or ignore them. They lost a customer and if I go out and I feel tired I sit where I know the bartender is not going to bother me. I wanted to point at the fact the guy avoid answering when I shoot back "and who are you?" He gave the right to ask him back the same absurd question. I can't define myself in one word that's why I said "first (of all) I'm a person (before than a woman)". I don't go around asking people who they are when I don't even know their names and I have never talked to them. Lots of people make all kinds of assumptions about other people without crossing a word and I don't get along with arrogant people. Besides being rude, they are boring and you can't expect to have any interesting conversation. I have known too many of that kind and they are obnoxious. Have a good day!
I asked this after I left my narcissistic ex husband. He couldn't answer and lost literally all his supply in the last year. I gave him this list: who are you What are you looking for in life? What makes you happy Who makes you happy Who is bad for you What is bad for you Which people should you cut out of your life? What are your bad traits? What are your good traits? Where do the good and bad traits come from? Who did your good and bad traits come from? What are your mistakes and what do you need to work on? Do you want to be a better person who can see the good in everyone? Want to be a worse person who only sees the bad in people? What is mentally healthy for you? What are your hobbies (excluding screen time and gaming)? Are you willing to accept and make peace with the good and bad of yourself and others? Do you want to become a better person for yourself or for other people? Do you need help?
That's so weird... because that was one of the questions I asked my mom when my dad was dying and she wouldn't let me talk to him. I messaged her when she wouldn't let him talk with me, "WHO ARE YOU?" And she did not message me back. And we've been no-contact since then. I realize now why I asked her that. I realized she was not my mother. Never was. So I was asking who in the hell she was. She could not answer, because that would reveal.... she was not my mother.
I told my Narcissist Sister to quit Gaslighting me, and that shut her right up. I've gone No Contact with her, because she is so fake. Until she can apologize (Hell will Freeze Over) I have nothing to say to her.... Catch ya on the Flip Side Sis.
I've seen a collapse. It's not something I recommend. In fact it was very sad. The real work was and still is, within ourselves. I know that's a real mouthful and that statement doesn't even come close to scratching the surface, so to speak. Science and theology, astrology, etc etc. These things all map patterns of our consciousness development. Good luck. I wish I could help more.
The first time I saw my narcissist collapse it was a criticism of undeniably bad behavior at a time when her maternal instinct should have been blazing...it wasn't there and her uncaring self was revealed. The fewest words acknowledging that let her know that I knew she was a liar. She became hysterical...unable to even speak..fully broken down...then of course, she became an awful, evil phony all over again.
When they say everyone should bow to them. I asked this, will that make everything better? Will you finally be happy? This makes them say that they no longer want to speak to you, to leave them alone, the discussion is over.
The lights are on but nobody's home lol! I see that expressionless look all the time, thanks Danish that's a very god question to ask I'm going to ask that of the narc when the opportunity presents itself.
My daughter believes she is Gaia, a Goddess, lightworker healer. She changed her name. She believes that herself and her "tribe" are changing and healing the world and all their children are "lightworkers". They all only associate with each other, and "fake" compliment each other continuously. I'm disowned and never met my grandson because I refuse to live that, support that and therefore she says I don't accept her, value her, support her. I won't be a flying monkey. Not for anything in the world.
I would not give an ounce of energy to a narcissist. I let them crash their inevitable wall on their own schedule 👌I lost everything, but I come out so much stronger.
The best insight yet, in my humble opinion. After a decade in a narc relationship there was a final show down in which I became the aggressor, only verbally. It resulted in her suicide within minutes after I walked away. She was going to have the last word even if it killed her. Had I only been equipped with half the information I have now I would have had the means to follow the truth instead of my “love”. After forty years I possess closure, no small feat considering how it was attained.
You are soooo right❣️😭💓 As someone who had and still have to deal with MANY of them (my whole life long), I can confirm that the _Who are you?_ question really makes them aggressive because that is like messing up with a big king 🤴 or a great queen 👸 as a low peasant (that's how they see themselves and us). One of my ex narcs is a rich half German and half Arab businessman who dared to call me "miskeen" which means "poor"/ "low(er) class" in Arabic but poor as a harsh insult in that cultural aspect and in a sense of financial poverty just because after I was arguing with him questioning him who he is and that my time's not only to spend on him but also on my family. But I also want to add that they are going crazy with the _WHY NOT?_ question because they can't accept cheeky, humorous or obviously childishly funny statements, especially not about themselves. 😏
I really have no desire to cause collapse in the narcissist that I have to deal with. I just want him out of my life forever. Period. This is tricky because he is my father. Walk Good everyone!
When I had an account in Facebook, I met a guy and I asked him, how come you have more than a thousand followers? I don't remember what he said but he was arrogant about it. Then I asked him how he could attend them all. He didn't say a word. I didn't know he was a narcissist at that time but for me is pointless having lots of friends when you can't interact with them because is humanly impossible and the day has 24 hours for every living being. I lost the concept of "followers". Unless you have a channel but just a media personal account and that person is not selling anything, doesn't have a business they are promoting or they are politician, actors, some of the kind, is suspicious a "normal regular guy or woman" having hundred or a thousand followers. It doesn't make sense. Thinking of having hundred followers without nothing to sell would feel stressful to me 😂
@@jbrown2908 I know but I was pointing a big red flag you can easily see in their profile. I don't have social media since then. I had no sentimental interest about him but he copied and pasted me too good. Still I was cyber bullied by women I didn't even know. Watch out about what you post, they can mirror you easier because you are talking about your likes and dislikes. They don't even need to talk to you or ask you.
no one should be on Facebook Meta. it's absurb we have given all our liberties and rights away in one centralized platform. pure tyranny. even after Zuckerberg allows and helped human trafficking of all kinds on his network, nobody cares. no wonder fascism, totalitarianism and authoritarianism has taken over the world. again. centralized platforms are destroying humanity.
my narc father likes to talk endlessly and make other ppl miserable by his endless blabbering. also, he likes to say things or ask things that break other ppl. its just never anything substantial that he talks about, just meaningless BS. anyone who meets him occassionally and doesnt actually had to live with him, would think that he is a talkative person. but he's not really talkative. he just has a urge of making others sad and miserable. i dont think the world has seen such a messed up demon yet.
@@jbrown2908 I'm on zero contact since about 2013. All he has is my email address which he occassionally writes to me on. I've put him in spam but his mails still come in regular. Anyway, he writes whenever he wants something not because he's in a shock that his son has abandoned him. Its true, these ppl arent human. They are evil to the core. And whats difficult for me is to explain to ppl outside of my culture that he (and I strongly suspect) his sister order someone to have black magic performed on me and my brother. I'm just at the end of my wits. Nobody believes me. And I dont have any proof. Imagine having a sinister demon-father like that who has been going around telling lies about you even before you were able to think on your own, destroy you mentally, physically, spiritually (he always was against me being religious from a very young age) and who has black magic performed on you. Anyone I talk to about this, doesnt believe me. And even ppl from my culture who I've talked to say things like "just pray to god and everything will be fine". Nobody knows how vicious and devastating the effects of this black magic are. My little brother had the same thing done on him and he has completely broken down. He lives in a mental institution now.
When you tell them they make you anxious they don't even acknowledge it and proceed with the mindless talk. So unnecessary and stupid sounding, it irritates the shit out of me and I have started ignoring it or responding rudely, then I'M the asshole.
This teaching is powerful. It explains my narcissistic mother, sister, and brother. To a "T"! I'm the empath in the bunch. My brother and sister were closer to each other than I was to either of them. I realize now that, since I didn't feed into their feelings of grandior (since I don't kiss up to nobody) I wasn't deemed worthy. I wasn't bad to them. I just didn't fawn all over them. Danish, you tell the truth and you bless us all.
Suddenly this video popped up and then i watched most of his video one by one.i feeling so good right now .this is word therepy for me and now i got to know how to deal with my narc partner with right strategy without loosing temper.he has just ruined my all friend circle and put me miserable situation.he always says blah blah and tries to prove me crazy...anyway now I am relaxed and got my way .Big Thankyou God bless
The true experience of having a narcissist parent is never being heard. Your feelings are always met with “don’t be so dramatic”. If you have a narcissist mother then you will never truly experience unconditional love. If you have a narcissistic father, then you will never experience unconditional discipline and responsibility. It’s why us children of these ppl have to mold our own personality.
I love both my parents simply from the fact that without them, I would not be alive. But if I was someone else who met them, I would never speak to them again.
Sir, whatever you say, is so true. I wasted do many years trying and hoping things would change in my life, that he would change. That is because I did not understand why he was/is the way he is. Now I understand that there is no hope he will change. I need to run away to stay sane.
Not many people can answer that question, it takes either enlightenment to realize one is pure consciousness, or mystical faith to humble oneself in relation to God, and to define oneself in accordance to his purpose for one's life. Apart from that, any definition, any narrative you will give can be chopped away... bringing anyone to an existential crisis. The issue with the narcissist is that they have come across this frightening realization too early in life, without proper support, without love, or worse : distorted love, without true connection to anyone except usually being used as supply themselves, they were vulnerable and doomed to suffer and disappear in this meaningless void as a child, their only escape seemed to be to dominate others in the material realm, so they fabricated a false narrative that they hold on to as dear life and that keeps self reinforcing : any success will reinforce that their ways are right, any setback that the world is a nasty cruel place... The issue is their fear of letting go of this brand of life vest (their false self), to learn to swim like the rest of the perishable people in the river of life. They're too afraid, just as someone who almost drowned, and learnt to trust no one. This part is added to answer the question of their evil deeds : Yes, narcissistic people will do evil, and they will never see it, this is utmost frustrating if you confront them, all they see is their 'rightful' intentions and your 'wrongs'... best case, you are some collateral damage to their rightfully motivated actions that you provoked...and you'll get is a lip service 'sorry you feel hurt, but you started it' (a good reason never to take it personally if you want to keep your sanity) ! To keep to the river analogy, their concern is to keep afloat no matter what, and they're desperate and dumb, so they will entice other swimmers to come close (love bombing, future faking), and grab onto them and climb on top sometimes (their need for supply) possibly drowning others, just for feeling extra buoyancy for some period (that can any length and type of relations, even their bloodline). They will break other's arms so that they cannot swim away, to keep them handy (systematically and covertly destroying self esteem and self confidence in others to maintain control). They will rejoice from seeing others have a hard time or drown (this validates how they feel about the world and what they do to stay afloat, and shuts up their inner voice -if audible- and others people's memories having told them otherwise)... They will be afraid of anyone without the same brand of life vest (false-self) coming close, proposing earnest love and relation. They will first believe this is a rescuer (honeymoon phase, finding the cure) but sooner than later, at the first perceived sign of weakness, they will see that this is not a coast-guard (imho true alpha), but just a swimmer like them and project their own selfish motives onto this "false rescuer". They will be afraid that this "false rescuer" will use them for flotation, and they will be resentful for having been played, so they will distance themselves, and attack it with a diver's knife (discard and devalue) to make sure that this one drowns, because this false one is more dangerous than others. (offering an NPD love is dangerous). Some pretend or broadcast that they're drowning, or will be drowning to get help, but won't let you help them in a proper way, they have to maintain control even to the rescue operation which makes it near to impossible (will grasp onto you, climb on top, swim away etc.) possibly drowning you in the process... Can you imagine if someone goes to them, and tries to take away their life vest ? (contradicting effectively their false narrative) ... this is narcissistic injury, they will lash out and try to destroy that threat (narcissistic rage) ! All in all, Narcissistic people are toxic, but not lucid about what they do, not aware that there is another way of living in cooperation and mutual respect. And that's what makes if very sad, and heart wrenching, beyond the love bomb, you can see that there is a genuine good person (a kid) in there, the lost and desperate kid shows to the surface from time to time, when in despair, when hurt, when sad, but also when it has a lot of fun, you can see that kid hiding inside that huge life vest...that's the true "Trauma Bond" he keeps hurting you, will possibly drown you, but how can you let go of that kid ?... There is a saying, that to turn to redemption, mankind needs to get to the end of himself, maybe that's what's needed for that kid. That's what keeps many of us stuck.
@@marilynschmidt6400 True, thank you for pointing this important part that I had left out, I edited my answer to include it, narcissists do a lot of evil, indeed. But to be exhaustive, in my understanding, to BE evil, one must enjoy doing evil for the sheer sake of it, that will be the case with the psychopaths (that trait can overlap with narcissists in dark triad personality, even if a narcissist can be provoked into psychopathic behavior and sadism if pushed too far, so be careful it can come unbenounced, I would be hesitant to provoke a true NPD, be it with '"who are you truly" and certainly refrain from causing a narcissistic injury, I would just get out of their way, and let life show them). The narcissist will do (and a lot of) evil, but he does it to get supplies or assert dominance, or seek revenge if his dominance and control are challenged. He/she started doing these (evil) in childhood, out of desperation, frustration, fear and/or imitation and is stuck in his ways, he may enjoy it, but it's not the main reason he/she does what he/she does as I tried to showcase with my swimmer's analogy. A sociopath will do evil to steal something tangible and run away with it (the motivation is the thing they get, they're like river pirates). But then, the psychopath will hurt and humiliate and... mutilate etc. for...enjoyment, without further motivation, It's like big orcas toying and tormenting little seals in comparison, for the play, because "these are mere playthings to them". Orcas are a different species altogether. Those I deem to be true evil. The narc. will keep you stuck in a relation, because of their manipulation, for sure, but also because they're not fully evil in and out, there's a little frightened child stuck in there, and you've had glimpses of that being. That's the heart wrenching conundrum. Narcissists fall prey to psychopaths and sociopaths too, actually narcissists, with their absence of self awareness, limited true social support, low moral standards, shallow reasoning, emotionality are easy toys for true predators, and they do get used when they encounter those. This is an extremely sad and disturbing topic to myself, hope not to trigger readers beyond a necessity for understanding.
@@houmanrm super HIGH IQ an understanding of the topic. I agree with everything you're saying, as I've experienced the presence of a narcisist for far too long. It is exactly this why it takes many people, especially kind-hearted and loving ones, YEARS to realize what they are trully dealing with. At a surface level, Danish is right, there is nothing in them. All of my friends have confirmed that this person I'm in a relationship with has something off to them, they couldn't put their finger on it but they unanimously agreed to that, I didn't even ask this question, they just mentioned it. So yes, they are empty, have no personality once you get to know them and live with them. The constant distraction need is also very true, I have never seen my ex just DO NOTHING, sit in the bed and actually think about stuff. Any real questions about life, purpose, motivations, likes, dislikes etc. have never been met with an answer. At the time I thought they just dont want to tell me, but now I realize those questions were so deep and required a personality and the ability to introspect and think that they literally didn't have an answer to. I agree with your view, as in my case I was told of some sort of abuse, and kinda made me feel sorry for the person and want to show them that there is true love out there. Big mistake, they dont know or understand love, for them is just a word and thats where it ends. I tried all the reasoning, all the common sense, all the plays in the book but it seems like there is no ability for them to introspect and see 'reality' as someone with the ability for self reflection and cognition can. It is not helpful for 'survivors' (if anyone wants to label himself as that) to attach themselves too deeply to these negatives opinions and emotions about NPD's as you're carrying anger, rage, regret in yourself and essentially you're just not any better. In fact I would argue that you might actually start mirroring their negative traits. Like goes to like as the great minds of the world agree on. Love them as human beings that have been unlucky to experience traumatic and abusive childhoods but accept that there is nothing that you can do to help them. Forgive them as they know no better and forgive yourself for the lack of power that you have. It is what it is. Move on with your life, learn to spot those people and not get involved with them, and even if they do fool you, I am sure that you can spot the redflags in a matter of days if not hours, just dont ignore your intuition and gut instinct. What has helped me come to my senses and what broke the illusion was meeting new people and finding out what "real" people, that are actually capable of love and understanding, reasoning, arguing in a healthy way and not getting triggered from the smallest, dumbest things you could imagine. And mind you, those were just platonic relationships. One thing you have failed to mention and i think it is very important for people to know is that most personality disorders, at their core, have a very fragile ego, low self esteem, low self confidence. Those people get triggered from almost anything, it just shows high insecurity within themselves, a need for validation and recognition, someone who has to "keep the ball moving" and constantly being concerned about how the world perceives them. That is why humiliation is a huge trigger for people with personality disorders. I am not saying to go around insulting and trying to trigger people, but in the rare cases where it does happen unintentionally (we are not perfect), apologizing, explaining your perspective and your intention, which was never to hurt/humiliate etc should be more than enough for someone to get over something and not carry a grudge. This does not work with NPD or other PD's. Peace.
I think the books are wrong about narcassists, and so I study. The question to answer is, "How did the non narcassist personality evolve, and can we apply the same pathway to adults?" These people we talk about as if they don't matter. They are our family. They matter. We need a repair process.
maybe their brain as physically wired differently, which explains why you literally cannot reason with them. you are right, but the truth is we dont freaking know, what most agree on is that they are unrepairable, so for now that is the information we have and need to use to not destroy ourselves in the process :)
Actually theyvery well DOknow right from wrong, they know that hurting others is not okay. If they did not know that they would not react negatively if another person would say something or do bad things hat to another person, not just thrmselves. They can only see others in black or white; you're either good, pleasant nice, or youre bad, hurtful abusive. In their mind. However whatever understanding of right and wrong they do have, it does not help them in seeing a person with their own feelings thoughts, opinions or needs.
Do you know what a healthy narrassism is called? Having self respect and self love, It took my awile to understand that "Sweet dreams are made of these"
I informed a narcaccist I had detailed records/recordings on them, and was going to completely expose them to everyone important. (I had no records or recordings.) The narcissistic then proceeded to destroy it's network of battle hardened monkeys, basically confusing them to the point they froze up. For about 2 months the narcissistic fought an epic intense war agiants thin air basically. The narcissistic was so exhausted at the end, it TKO'd itself. The only thing I did through the cycle was inform the monkeys to cease all communication with me until they get the proper sycoatric help. Mind you I waited around a decade for the moment to set this narcaccist for complete self destruction......good luck people.
I imagine saying: "Who are you?" would make them defensive and might feel insulted you don't know who they are, or they might feel you don't trust them. They might think you're having a go at them! They might laugh, but feel insecure underneath. I'm not sure it would make then collapse, so don't think it would have the desired result. They might thrive on the attention if they think they've made you feel nervous.
I am a walking Narc Detector. And its the fact i.know that they know that i.know that don't like, count or validate or even care to notice that they hate me. I completely keep not caring! And then they just desolve into their own chaos and one UPS man ship that no one is participating in.
@@windihari it's a double edged sword cause they are attracted to me but then start sabotaging me when they can't cut me down or control me or even keep my attention. Then I get weird random narc rages aimed at me. It's mildly annoying. But you know, like how kids are annoying in Walmart kinda way. Like it's a bummer but I get my shipping done
@@windihari when you start treating them like other people's bothersome kids it will cause a narc injury. You know just a quick tip I've even learned how to manipulate them or just entertain myself at their expense if I'm bored on a Saturday afternoon
@@MagdaleneDivineTreating them as someone else's bothersome kids is great advice. My trouble is the Vulnerable Narcissist. My mother trained me to feel like a "bad person" if I didn't sit around and listen to her whine about everything, so now it's hard for me to shut people down when random strangers start telling me their entire life sob story. I'm working on embracing my inner @$$h0le, lol!
OK, here are my questions for all ppl with NPD and real narcs who are open to a deep dive into soul searching. The questions are put in random order. Let their journey to the path of healing begin. They need (self) prayer.🙏🏼 "Ask and you will be given. Let there be Light thus awareness & insight.💡 How much do you love yourself? Explain pls. What do you like the most about yourself? Which is your best quality, the one you are also looking for in your partner? What is your real age according to you? How real and happy are you with and about yourself? If you one day wake up, how do want to be... and what do you want to feel? Greetz, blessings and thanks for all your great content. 💝🇳🇱
I asked my ex-husband but at the time he was doing great and had all the sources of supply, and I genuinely was wondering who he is when I realised he had methodically brought me to my knees
From Wikipedia The Delphic maxims are a set of moral precepts that were inscribed on the Temple of Apollo in the ancient Greek precinct of Delphi. The three best known maxims - "Know thyself", "Nothing in excess", and "Give a pledge and trouble is at hand" - were prominently located at the entrance to the temple, and were traditionally said to have been authored by the legendary Seven Sages of Greece, or even by Apollo
Asked my crazy old man neighbor "who are you" when he was pacing up and the street with metal pipe, didn't say anything just had that creepy grin, we just leave him alone he has mental problems😊
So how does a healthy person answer "who are you?" I would love to hear a comparison. There are so many thousands of ways a person could answer this question. I think it would be helpful to provide a comparison.
to think there is a "right answer" to this question is to miss the point. it's asking who are YOU. if i tell you my answer to that question, how does that help you answer that question? the point of this litmus test of narcisism is to see if the act of reflecting on who they are causes a meltdown. if someone struggles a bit to answer but comes up with an honest answer after some reflection, that's not a meltdown. you can struggle with this and not be a narc.
I don't think a narcissist has that kind of intelligence or introspection to answer this question....they will shrug it off or make even more fun of you....the easier way is to fool a narcissist is to let them think they have control over you and in reality they have NONE
I'm not a narcissist but I think the question basically illicitics a feeling of emptiness for a narc. Me as a non-narc, I would just answer "me", and I'm fine with that. Good question though because narcs are fake as shit so just pondering the question for them would cause severe anxiety and a feeling of emptiness. If you're not a big poser the question shouldn't elicit any kind of feeling, more like curiosity as to "yeah, I never really thought about it or cared. I guess 'me' is a good enough answer."
I have a brilliant idea. Try creating a fake account, whether it's WhatsApp, Instagram or Facebook. then ask this question to the narcissist. I don't recommend using a real account because they can run a smirk campaign. And don't feel sorry for them because they are bad people. "You don't need to know who I am. But I want to try asking you a simple question that you can just answer to yourself and I don't need to know and I don't care about your answer either. 😏 who are you? why are you weak? Why aren't you as attractive as you think? why aren't you famous? why don't you have real friends? why are you not authentic? why don't you have an identity? Why can't you be like a normal person? Why are you a coward?" is there anything else you can add?
Sorry I need to ask why are we interested in collapsing somebody. I have an exhusband who is a covert narcissist. I am staying away from him. Wouldn' t it be like him if I try to do evil things.
You found Sam Vaknin! Yaaaaaaaaaaas! Dr Evil (that’s what I call him) has some pretty tight theories. I also like Richard Grannon. Other honorable mentions, Jerry Wise, the crappy childhood fairy, Rebecca C mandaville, Jay Reid and Ross Rosenberg
One of my friends husband was a Narc and she tried all her best to save the marriage, she suffered for about 5 years and then finally someone told her to try Ruqya ( Asking God to heal using the Quranic Verses) he got healed and became normal, she led a happy life for 7 and then he got critically ill and passed away.
survivor of extreme narcissistic parental abuse....escaped long ago.🎉... now seeing everyday street corner narcissists and when i encounter them my first weapon of defense is to act as if they dont exist...no responses... ignore their rants, flailings and screams... talk to another in their presence with no regard for their attempts to focus attention upon themselves...😂😂😂... drives them crazy😂😂😂... fun, too.
Oh, but they know who they are. They are the smartest, the bravest, the kings of the world. They know everything, they own everything, theu deserve everything they want, they can do everything, they are superior beings, they are Gods.
These are my own thoughts I believe are valid. 2 saying we grow up hearing all the time. you need to love yourself before you can love another. Maybe others need to love another to love themselves? Also change love to accept and it sounds a lot less narcissistic. practice makes perfect. makes progress coz nobody is perfect.
acceptance is part of love, and a big part. there cant be love with true acceptance of WHAT IS, both 'negative' and 'positive'. the reality of our world is that there is no positive without negative, it wouldnt exist, so to not accept other people's negatives is to say they have no positives. its somehow paradoxal but thats why so few people understand and can experience true love, as opposed to chemical reactions in the body to reproduce.
Who am I? What do I want? How can I serve? Still no answer. Insanity. | Thank you for sharing your wisdom Danish. Much appreciation and gratitude.🙏🏽❤🩹
Couldn't it be that someone's personality would not be completely narcissist, but partially? To have some characteristics, but no all of them; being however someone, even if they still try to create this grandiose image - they still feel and are someone, it seems to me... It hard to believe that someone could be that black/white picture; there should be some grey zones... on the other hand, being a victim of a narcissist mother, all my life I had the strange feeling of not knowing who I am/was. After understanding this imprisoning relationship and its pains, I got contact with me (with the idea of being someone like me, of being somehow me...).
Story: Found out the Narcissust was Married. My method of bringing him to his knees was to reveal his secret to his family, neighbours and broader community. I told his neighbours, about 6 houses surrounding his in a letter. I told his sister. I put up posters about it on the back of womens toilet doors at local sporting complexes and in the entranceway of apartment buildings. I did another letterdrop in the post boxes of 2 of the shopping centres...about 80 shops in general. I sent evidence to his parents and in the proof...mentioned that he told me ( lied) his mother was dead. I put up a couple of posters near the local train station. Then told his wife. His sister was disgusted. His mother was hurt. Father was furious. Wife left him. I never spoke to him. To be honest, I myself turned into a Narcissistic Sociopath. In the process I found out the truth about him. Not a nice person at all. It was all I had to fight with at the time.
Once I tried blatantly lying, giving him a taste of his own behaviour and there was absolute meltdown crying "why the hell are you lying".. it was so funny 😂
I literally just asked her 'Who are you?' tonight. At first she said, 'If you don't know me by now, you will never never know me. Then she said, 'Don't worry about it.'
If a stranger asked you “who are you”, you would answer with your name, your occupation, where you live, your interests, your friendships, your ethnicity and family connections.. all of these speak to your role in society. To go on some hippy tangent that says otherwise is total fkng nonsense. Too many of these people online claiming to be “real” and calling others who are more successful than them “fake” in some way to COPE. What does it even mean to say “who are you?” Please enlighten us all on what the correct non-narcissistic answer to that would be? “I’m just a sad and empty powerless boring hopeless bundle of cells” and my admission of that makes me “REAL” - im so humble and I have so much humility, it’s a freak streak I tell ya guys rn.
It is human nature for people to derive value from other human beings - this should not be misconstrued as a narcissists insatiable “supply addiction”. Recognition, praise, acknowledgement, all of these things motivate people in any workplace as well, not because their employees are inherently narcissistic but because human nature is such that way. People also derive value from status, sure. But is it the status? Or is it what the status signifies? If I have a good job, and I am proud of it, and I use this as the basis of my identity, is it because I am trying to appear better than? Or is it because it is a signifier which demonstrates, say, an admirable level of intelligence, discipline, sense, organizational capability, financial stability, and so on…? Maybe the individual is signalling “hey, I am capable of taking on responsibility which is crucially important and of value to society” THEREFORE, I am a person that can take on responsibility and be depended on, THEREFORE, I am a person of VALUE. Should people NOT want to be valuable and useful in society? Should they not identify with these traits? What say you? If I have achievements I am proud of - like being a former Olympian for example - in identifying heavily with this am I bragging to appear better than? Or is it just something that is a large formative part of my character? What are you if not in relation to others? Seems awfully narcissistic to stress the importance of “individuality” and having a “sense of self”. If a tree falls in a forest and nobody is there to hear or see it, did it even happen? We are social creatures, we exist for one another and in relation to one another, not as individuals with a “strong sense of self”. Other people SHOULD serve as a barometer, a guide, a recurring touchpoint, to provide FEEDBACK on whether or not you are living a MEANINGFUL existence. And instead, we have all these people complaining about it. Such a flawed idea.
