It’s defo validating to hear that a lot of people are open to making new friends. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one, and I hate feeling like I’m pestering others to be my friends 😅
I volunteered one singular time at a food bank and traded Instagrams with a girl. 4 months later, I posted a picture reading alone in a library. she messaged, "I know you probably have a lot of friends, but would you want to be friends with me" For the next few months we had a hard time scheduling a friend date but both kept trying. A year after meeting at that food bank we were best friends. She made my final year living in that city absolutely amazing. It's hard to believe how many stars aligned and how many times we had to put ourselves out there and keep trying but we did it. I live across the country now but we still talk all the time. Friends are out there keep trying and putting yourself out there its worth it!!
My strategy for making friends is to join something that meets regularly and show up to that thing. I recognize that there is inherent privilege in being able (physically, mentally, financially) to, in my case, join a choir that rehearses once a week so I know it's not open to everyone, but I do think it can work well! I like this approach because it takes a lot of the stress out of meeting new people since I'm doing something I would enjoy doing even if I don't make any friends!
I haven't had a real friend group since pre-pandemic. When I'm around people who seem really secure in their groups, the loneliness can be really hard and almost suffocating. Sometimes I end up making friends with random people, and then after we've been friends for a while, we discover we both felt similarly lonely. The closest people in my life are the ones who don't get tied down into smaller groups and are truly open - I'm still working on how to find them in big crowds, but usually, I do.
Love this video! I think it’s worth noting that the people you talked to were people who were out and about with plans during the day and therefore might be more extroverted and more likely to have more friends 🤔
i'll only ever be able to show people that are down to be on camera which definitely limits the full spectrum of opinions but such are the constraints i work under!
I've realised how much happier I've been with one REAL best friend than 20 fake "friends" who just made me a side character in that group. It was actually boring. I remember hanging out with 20 people in high school and most the time, it was just them typing to an ever larger group chat of friends, taking pictures with each other and a lot of talking over each other. It was actually an experience that could make you miserable. The lack of attention i received from the only group i hung out with made me feel unwanted. Then when i finally had the guts the next year, i dropped them all and made friends with someone else. We hung out and it was SO much easier. Rarely talking over each other, easier to pay attention while having a conversation, less screen time, genuine laughs and just a purely great time!
i love this! This is exactly my outlook on friendship. It is just so much more comfortable for me to have 1 best friend, whom I share everything with, and they do the same. For me, it doesn't matter how many friends you have, what matters most, is how much they make you feel and give you importance; and in my experience, 1 best friend has fulfilled that for me, and I do the same
literally have had the same experience as you!! the feelings of being miserable in a larger group of people, in my case it was a "music scene", is so relatable. I felt soo miserable being around people that didn't care to get to know you on an individual level. it was draining.
I really like the vibes of this video. The people you interviewed seemed pretty good, and it made me wanna be friends with some of them lol. I really need to dedicate myself to making more irl friends, but it's kinda hard when at the moment I'm pretty depressed and working from home.
i dont think most of us struggle with meeting people, its keeping the friendship alive that is the most difficult part. its very difficult to find time to meet up with friends and make memories, most of my friendships are now just random meme-sending back and forth and yeah, sure i have many messages and feel like i have many friendships but when it comes down to actually having someone to rely on or to talk to or reach out to, i have 0 friends. no one checks up on me, i dont check up on anyone because i am too much in my head, and no matter how hard i try i cannot fix this.
I felt like I wrote this. THIS is exactly how I feel. Idk how to fix it. I do but I don’t. It’s confusing yet not confusing at. Idk if that makes any sense.
I think this is an interesting dialogue. I’ve been thinking about friendships a lot. I moved across the country with my partner a year ago to Washington state (about an hour and a half north of Seattle) and have found that it is more difficult to make friends than I thought. I’m really introverted and have a lack of practice because all of my friendships are from high school (ten years ago). Some questions I think would’ve been interesting is “what defines a close friendship?” “Why do you think friendship is important?” “Have you had phases in your life where friendship was more or less important to you? How was this impacted by external factors?” Interested to hear more on the topic!
I would like to see a video with couples talking about making friends, i find it harder as a couple to make friends because i'm usually always with my partner, making girlfriends is hard when you're with your partner, but you won't really go out without your partner... you also can't really make guy friends because if it clicks too much it might get bad
Very relatable!! Moved to ATX with my partner 2 years ago and making friends has also been harder than expected. I have some close girlfriends I can hang out with but have specifically been craving a friend group or mutual friends that my partner and I can both hang out with. Its hard because we tend to vibe with very different people - me being extroverted and him very introverted. I find myself unfairly comparing my social life to my single friends that live with roommates which is unhelpful as well. Glad to hear other people are facing this dilemma as well
I too have found that it is so much more difficult to make friends when you are in a relationship. Maybe people perceive you as a pair and not as much "in need" of another connection. I've met new friend groups through older friends but never felt they were even considering that me and my partner might be interested in becoming friends because "we have each other". Meeting people of the other sex is also defenitely a topic, although we are a very relaxed couple concerning those types of friendships
Aww! Love this. Next one you should end with "Do you want to be my friend?" and then invite them all to a lil gathering in the park or something :) All these people seemed so sweet and maybe they would get along with each other!
i think if someone doesn't need friends, then they find peace and solace with themselves, then there is nothing wrong with that. I have a few friends, but I can see how someone might not need or want friends because their family fulfills that social aspect for them, or they find they are most comfortable in their own skin, when they are by themselves. So yeah, in case someone does relate to that feeling, just know, that is a-okay 🤍
Bumble BFF was the best way for me to make a solid friend group. I also got into bouldering/rock climbing which brings together a great community of people to meet friends.
I have so many acquaintances but not really any friends. I can go out and make friends for one evening, but I can't seem to maintain any... people are flaky!! I wish I could have a dinner party crew but it hurts to try to organize and not get a reply. It was so much easier having friends when I had a partner- I think it can be difficult as a single woman to have friends who are partnered. Third wheeling. And friendships with single women often turn into nights out that are focused on finding a partner. I'm having a hermit summer and enjoying my pets, crochet, and gardening. Not lonely, but also imagining what my ideal friendship might look like in the future. Right now I only have my immediate family.
An interesting question I was thinking of is "what does friendship mean to you" or "how much value do you place in friendship" because I know some people who treat their friend group like family and caring for their friends is everything to them, where as I (I have a tight knit blood-related family) don't always put as much emphasis on friendship.
toooootally! i was just trying to distill for myself this week which activities i unequivocally like to do solo or prefer to do alone vs. which i deeply prefer company for
As an adult, I realized that the number of friends you have do not matter, as long as you feel comfortable and fulfilled, socially. I have 1 best-friend who I share everything with and vice versa, and I have 3 others who I'd consider as just friends. So even though it is not a lot, and even though those friends of mine have MUCH more friends themselves, I feel fulfilled. I am a homebody and can be shy, so I don't let social media or my friends having many other friends bother me, because this is what I can keep up with and can be the most comfortable with
yes i agree with you, I was so shocked watching this because I had thought it was normal to only have 1-3 friends. I guess not LOL, but thats the result of being a homebody and honestly It's a peaceful life, not for all tho.
@@psycho5815 yes and after you graduate college/finish school and these school friends start getting married, moving away, having kids, people start to realize that having a few friends is much more realistic.
One question is "What makes you more open to being friends with someone you just met?" / seeing them again even if you're not like, ready to "be friends" haha
I fell that as you grow as a person you come to realize that is okay to need different things from different people. In your teens there's this belief that you need one best friend. Your 20s are this transitional moment, you grow in different directions at different times. Paths change. I found very healing to think that, in life, you make friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And you have yet to meet all the people you will love in your life. So, some tips from a twenty-something: Cultivate your interests. The more secure you are in what you like and what you need, the more you can build healthy connections. Attachment styles matter. Being aware of what we are giving and receiving is key to self-regulate and keep the guilt at bay (this goes to the codependent gang). Ps: WAIT BUMBLE BFF???
I think there definitely is a loneliness problem in our generation though.. you wouldn't be meeting them outside because most of them are homebodys.. so it would be hard to find those people and get their perspective and stories... but this video is so lovely and positive and it makes me want to invest in my friendships even more! I believe you never have too many friends, but the degree of friendship is different, and it's hard to keep long term friendship with too many people. My advice would be to become at peace with yourself to be your most authentic self, and the right people will find their way to you! (or you will find them) Solo travel this summer on coaches was such a great experience for me to make friends ! not ones you necessarily keep or see again but in the moment it's amazing
awesome video! i live in seattle and managed to convince a large chunk of my friend group to move within a 3-block radius of me. maintaining these friendships have gotten so much easier because of the convenience, however, it has made me guilty of neglecting friends that live further away, whether they're out-of-town or even in a different neighborhood.
It's not good for humans to be alone. God even confirms this fact. Y'all, we gotta do better. Don't be so independent and isolated that you forfeit possible relationships. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 "Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But WOE to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up."
something so healing about watching this video in Seattle of all places. it's so easy to feel lonley here, and it was so fun to hear from all these beautiful people!
I know I have social anxiety when just watching this video makes me heart rate go up. Ive started saying yes to more things this past year and its paid off so I will keep pushing myself even though it brings a panic every time. I want more meaningful relationships but the fear of being known is an equally strong feeling
Love this! So far (also in Seattle) I've 3-4 people who are on the way to becoming friends. Been here for almost 3 months now. Apps are the way I've met people in the area, but I'm beginning to meet more people through others. I think it's super important to create the conditions in your life where friendships can thrive. That and when you meet someone be curious!
which apps have you used to meet friends? and i love when you said, "I think it's super important to create the conditions in your life where friendships can thrive." That is KEY!
I know this will sound sad as hell but I havent made a single "new" friend since high school 😭 Im almost 25, still live with my parents, and my friends are all people i've met through the internet lol. The closest ones live an hr away & I only hang out with people (besides my family) a couple times a year max. It's definitely lonely, but I don't have a working vehicle and I have horrible social anxiety so it makes meeting people so hard. I find it impossible to be myself around new people and it takes me so long to open up that I feel like everyone just assumes im boring when we first meet so its not worth making the effort to hang out with me. I also live in a small, conservative town as a gay person so that just adds another layer
I don't often comment, but when I do it's because I really like a video, thank you for this! I thought the "how often do you need social plans?" question was an interesting one. If I could, I'd have some sort of social event every day of the week. They usually revolve around competitive group activities (softball or bar darts), but I truly cherish those times I get to connect with a friend one-on-one.
I've been living in the same city for 18 years, and I used to have a good amount of friends, but we've mostly grown apart and many have moved away, so in my city now I literally only have 4 friends, and not a group of friends to hang out with. Most of my closest friends (emotionally) live in other states and even countries.
Loving this new video format Kath! I moved to a new city to be closer with a few friends from college. I am an extroverted introvert so I don't always go out of my way to meet people but they do bring me joy and energy! Most of the people I have met through meetups/social groups and have a solid friend group (4) and about 10 people that I hang out with semi-regularly. I see my small group of friends 1-3 times a week and the larger group maybe 1-2 times a month and this feels about right for me. I do have 2 long distance friends that I check in with pretty regularly, but time zones are hard sometimes...Overall I do feel pretty fulfilled socially (love that question by the way!) and I would say this might be the first time in my 25 years of living that I can actually say that.
I love you Kath, you're so cool! ☕🍵 Okay now that I've gushed, I wanna say thank you for this video. I really want to reconnect with my friends again, I miss them and hibernated my social media for various reasons so I'm hoping they've missed me and that it isn't too late. (also the driver and the little lady with the ice cream are cuties)
that was so great! I loved the way you led those conversations and interacted with the people. everybody looked like they had so much fun talking to you and I too was smiling throughout the video. thank you!
Great video! I've lived in Seattle for 10 years, moved here in my early 20s, and I've found the best way to make friends is consistent casual contact - whether as workmates in a service industry/retail type job, or both being regulars at a neighborhood coffee shop or bar (or befriending the workers there), or meeting at a comics/game shop that has playing tables to play games regularly, or something like that.
Hi! I really love your friendship content - i can't stop thinking about friendship myself :D I especially loved the how often do you feel lonely (it made me feel less alone:D) & how often do you want to be social question. I'd like questions about how close friendships are, if they have categories like "best" friends, how they would define those categories & also how often that changes. Also maybe what makes them feel most connected to your friends? I feel like I have friends, but sometimes i struggle to feel connected with them, and also i think the concept of best friends and friend groups doesn't really work for me, but I still really crave it and get sad & jealous when others "have" this, especially when they are also my friends.
Go to places and things you find interesting, and talk to people! Open with small things. Do you have a lighter? I like your earrings! Do you know the name of the band thats playing? If theyre nice, keep talking. If you vibe, maybe buy them a beer or something. Ask what theyre doing afterwards and if you can tag along. Exchange instas/number and set a date to got to a Bar, the park, whatever! Throw parties and tell people to invite their friends. Great way to meet people! Aaand you‘ll get invited to parties in return. Abd yes, you will be rejected sometimes. Get over that! Its better than not being brave enough to ask anybody and thus rejecting yourself.
I love this! I feel like it’s important to say yes to things when trying to make friends. It’s easy to hide away in the comfort of your home but say yes to new experiences that someone may bring up or invite you to and it’s a good way to connect with others!
Its funny how you always have videos just when I need them! I remember watching your USC videos when I wanted to see what dorm life entailed and now im a 25 yr old teenager wondering how people making friends. Love our parasocial relationship!
This was so warm and lovely and hopeful! I'd love to see a friendship census in the Northeast during hibernation season aka winter -- are Bostonians all lonely, or does that notorious gruffness mask some deep love and generosity? Another question I'd have asked: how long do you think it takes for someone to go from an acquaintance to a really close friend?
I’m not homophobic, but the fact that you only interviewed homosexual men (except for the two Indian guys) makes this video not relatable for straight men such as myself. Because we don’t know how homosexual friendships work/who they are friends with.
Love this video!! Another video concept which would be cool to explore (and I believe you've covered this on Tik Tok before) is how to become closer to friends. I feel like unless they are someone I work with or regularly see at the gym, it's hard to take a friendship to the next level if you only meet twice a month.
I’m definitely very lonely, I’m an extroverted introvert but I get REAL awkward talking to other young adults. Anytime someone clearly is trying to get to know me I back away lol. Im an artist, but most artist hangouts bore the crap out of me… also most people bore the crap out of me too lol. It’s funny cuz I’m a seattlite, so seeing all these people talking gives me some hope. One guy talked about “other people knowing you have good taste in people” and it feels like a lot of the people I’m attracted to friends-wise, people who I think have good taste in people tend to push me out of their group. Maybe there’s a childhood era wound there 😂. I want close friends who make me laugh. For me, it’s not so much about what I already do, but what I want to do with other people. As a seattlite it feels like the socializing options bore me honestly. Does anyone relate to this?
I like the title "more than friends but less than lovers", because I have a couple of people in my life that are, like, "more than friends, but to the side of lovers". I would love to spend the rest of my life with them and when I imagine my future and family and all those things they are a part of it, but I have no desire to kiss them or produce kids or anything.
Its so varied. I have fair few friends but they aren't all ppl i speak to often, though we can not see each other for a few years living in different cities and just touch base on socials and then when i see them pick right up where we left off, i think thats special. But a cpl of good friends where i live, maybe 4-5. Some have kids and i see only once every two months now but we have long shared histories of going out in our twenties all the time. And a cpl i see once a fortnight maybe even once a week. I think thats a good variety. I could always use 1-2 more good friends i can see more often. I like to try socialise 1-2 times a week to feel fulfilled enough, but i also enjoy being alone. 3-4 times a week if fun and hectic but i often crave some nights to myself.
Meeting friends through shared interests has really worked for me. Met my best friends through my kids... their friend's moms. Now raising my grandaughter, I've met some really great young moms, too. I'm an older lady (old enough to be their mom usually), but we've found common ground in parenting, then the friendship progressed from there. I learn so much from them!
I haven't had a proper friend group for a while. I have really been missing having one, but especially an online friend group to play video games with :c
By God, you've revolutionized the field again. As with any scientific investigation, the process must be replicable so as to perform the same test on different subjects in different settings/conditions, thus using the results to further develop the field as a whole and hopefully identify the most important consistent findings, ultimately refining them into a set of facts that we can use to better understand/navigate the World. Ergo, I support your wish to do this in other cities AND now have a desire to do the same (one scientist to another).
moved to a new country for 2 years and still 0 friends, even lost my old friend.. I guess what makes it difficult is that adults tend to hold back in a new environment making friends unlike when they were in schools (or just me)
Love hearing so many people open to friendship 😅 may be a biased sample though, asking only the people who are out/with friends... could be interesting to try to find/reach out to the people who you wouldn't find outside as much and ask them questions
I live in a very populated area and have 0 friends lmfao I have found that I have always put more effort into friendships and when I stop giving so much of myself in hopes that they step up, they suddenly disappear.
I am encouraged to sign up for Bumble BFF. I'm moving to a new area soon and am so nervous to meet people. I'm in my 30s and that social need doesn't go away. I need at least 2 social events a week. One during the week and one on the weekend.
idk if u ever go to the south but I suggest atlanta. it has tons of parties and social things to do but I just wonder if that’s just the stereotype/marketing point for the city
Shout out to the very vocal girlie in the jeanjacket in the group with two other girlies eating ice cream I think? I have seen you work in the package room in my building and just wanted to say hi!!!
I moved to a new country a year ago (but I have the priviledge of speaking fluently the language). I do have a few close friends here now that I've mostly met through work or through classes (like yoga). However I've recently come to realize how important it is to be part of a whole community network - I know people to help me if I need it and who know I would help them if they needed. Just people who care: neighbours, members of my volunteer group, etc. And there's something so conforting to know that those people care, and they've stepped in the the past when I've needed them, and vice-versa. It's not friendship as I would usually define it, where womeone knows you deeply and where you want to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with them. But with this community around me, I don't feel lonely, I feel safe and included.
Most of my friends are local, but that’s because I live less than an hour from where I grew up and went to college. The new friends I’ve made in the last few years have been my neighbors and someone I met through a common hobby.
Making friends and defining what friendship is, these are my biggest life questions. At the back of my head, I think you're friends with someone you talk almost everyday and can show up to your house quite often and ask you to do stuff together. I never had that.
