It boils down to hypocrisy. I saw my stepmom laying on the couch 4 of 5 days coming from school. On the 5th day, she'd be up and cleaning. And picking apart how unclean or lazy I was. Meanwhile, I would pick up whatever small thing it was. Only to be criticized later on for something else. Everyday was total silence or anxious rage. And telling me she treated me and my brothers the same whe it wasnt. So with authority, I learned that I was the only problem. (not true). It caused me to blame myself. But in reality it's gaslighting. It makes you mistrust yourself and others a lot as you can see. Learning this, the best way to overcome is to validate yourself now. And if you feel like you're being unfairly judged slow down. See where it's coming from, who is this person, do they love you? If so, then they may be helping you. When you start to see the cracks in a narc, I realized I'd been living life on super extra HARD mode. Taking on the world's problems basically. I did this to finally feel loved myself. "If i can just be clean enough. Fix ALL my mistakes, prepare for FUTURE mistakes, and just follow ORDERS perfect.... I'll be LOVED". That's not how real love works. When we make mistakes, you're held accountable for your part in it. To the agreement you BOTH made to achieve your goals. We never asked to be in highly irrational environments on a conscious level. But if you can't hold your partner accountable and all they do is demand you to do something. That's abuse, and don't accept that as love.
Absolutely it boils down to hypocrisy. As a child I learned to lie about things from my mom directly. She might not be aware of her actions here at all, but she's not as honest of a person as she might thinks she is. But also sometimes id do things that my parents didn't like particularly my mom and her punishments for doing things was a little bit extreme towards me. So I'd start to lie knowing full well that either way I'm getting raged at. So lying was preferable because it offered me a bit more time to prepare before she raged. There was never any communication about the reasons why I'm not supposed to do things. That would have been more helpful to me since having clear communication is very important to me since I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum and need things to be really clear because I'm a little blind to some nuances. reality is I was probably needing attention or was hungry or some random need needed to be met but with the autism I couldn't express or understand that.
You deserve love. straight up. they take it away then blame you for it then tell you you aren't worthy but in fact the truth is they have no love to give and they are just covering that fact up!
Wow! You explained me! I now do not let anyone have control over me! Doctors have let me down. So I don’t take or do anything they say I should until I have educated myself! My mother is trying to control me at age 60! Circumstances I have to live with them! My mother can’t help herself! I’m trying to ignore her remarks and innuendos! Ugh rubs my fur backwards! Not a nice feeling! I took care of her for a year during her bout with cancer. Put up with her shit! Now I don’t!
@@Kristy_not_Kristine no. I avoided parenthood to not do the same harmful things to my kids. Now I am thinking more about it. I realize my parents are human and have developed compassion for them. They have their own wounds and I don't take it as personal anymore. I do realize no matter what my kids will likely develop traumas as it's natural.
I was adopted at age 4, and from the very beginning I hated them, knew they were lying to me (always said my birthmom neglected me but I thought my foster parents where I had been spoiled and loved were my parents )so what I was told was something that didn't match up with my personal experience. I had serious Oppositial. defiance disorder, yes, I was the scapegoat for every family problem. I am 76 and just now unpacking all my lifetime issues.
My Mother would ALWAYS say no didn't matter what it was from chocolate at the store to a school camp that was funded by an organisation which she didn't need to pay anything & only went for 3days - I was one out of two out my grade that didn't go, I'm 40years old & what made it so much worse is when I was 20yrs old she brought it up & said in a sad voice "oh I should have let you go that was wrong of me" that's what makes me so angry because she has played victim in the past bringing things up that I don't want to rehash all to just say "I don't know why I did that" thing is I know exactly why she brings it up - because she enjoys rehashing an event that brings about emotions that could easily turn into a fight, it is disgusting.
Golden child who finally woke up and realized just how toxic my family was and still is, i was paeentified at such a young age... my heart breaks for my older brother who is the family scapegoat amd who now is a raging alcholic 😢😢😢
I am so impressed with your self-awareness. It is a beautiful thing. Praying for you and your family, especially your brother, as a former scapegoat myself.
Definitely me... since I was a child until today I don't like being told what to do, and always resisted or had no respect for authority. (unless they met my criteria)
I was adopted and told by my older brother (from another family) that I'd be sent back if I talked back or reacted adversely. My mum was authoritarian and whatever she said went, regardless of whether it made any sense to anyone else. I became more defiant the more she became controlling. It then kicked in that I'd be sent back so I flipflopped between defiance and rejecting being part of the family altogether because I didn't fit it in in any situation. I was always being told off so I gave up being part of the family altogether. I was labelled as defiant or sulky. This was a very confusing part of my young life. I now have to question my natural resistance to authority to see whether it's a past trigger or whether it makes sense as an adult to agree with the authority figure. Thank you Tim, this makes a lot of sense. I was being honest in a family with poor boundaries.
Thank you. My life at 12 minutes in. I get why i took on the world my whole life and all those that stood and stand in power over me. 🙏 All makes sense.
I was honestly surprised when I encountered people who had legitimate authority. I didn’t know there was such a thing. In my experience all adults were insane and dangerous, even more if they tried to claim some kind of special authority. As an adult, I can see that there were caring and understanding adults in my life but they were not common.
I didn't dare. Dad was a Juvenile probation officer in a rural county and I was threatened more than once that I'd be sent to a home 200 miles or more away if I ever got in trouble.
Great video! Although I can see at least one aspect that you didn't touch on. That would be a child who is manipulated throughout childhood via parents or even older siblings. As that child grows they find themselves in many unhealthy situations as they are doing things for others around them. I found this within myself, ive become very resistant to sales people or anyone who seems to be leading me in a certain direction. As I know they have their own angle which most likely isn't a positive outcome for myself.
I wasn’t very rebellious. I was just called that when I wouldn’t agree to get along for the sake of it. 9 times out of ten I did what I was told but I was definitely labeled the problem of the family for keeping others honest…
Most people (healthcare professionals and teachers included) find this behaviour more difficult to deal with than people getting anxious or insecure. So these kids get even less positive attention. It's just the opposite of the same medal. So we need to look inside ourselves to see why WE get triggered by them, so we can help them ❤
When I was in school there was one boy who was the rebellious one and while every teacher had difficulty with him. There was one teacher who was that exception. Her connection to him was different and he was her favorite student in spite of everything
Me rebelling against my parents because they strictly wanted us to behave yet they didn't do the same. How could you obey the rules of an alcoholic man who comes home and bosses everyone around and physically abuse you if you didn't obey the slightest and idiotic commands? So I hated every authority from then on.
Mine actually messed up my entire life. Didn't make sense to beat up and maltreat mum, yet yell in my face to follow all the rules from hell.😭 Thank you sir🙏🙏
Would O.D.D be the same as PDA (Pathological demand avoidance). The issue I see just in myself is that there is oppression in some authority. I can see big triggers currently. I am in the UK. A single mother to three boys, home educating them for very good reasons. I don’t work, apparently, doing this, being a mother which is 24/7, 7 days a week, constantly being told what I am doing isn’t enough, not good enough. Being moved from the old benefits system to this Universal Credit where so much is triggering. That they are there to help and support me while oppressing me in nearly every word. I have a fit note to sign me off from working as physical and mental symptoms of C-PTSD makes this not working as a mother day to day is exhausting. I have to fill in a questionnaire called a “Work capability assessment form”. So the doctor signing me off, isn’t enough, I have to tap dance for some other people to prove I’m completely exhausted. It’s taken me over a week to complete this form due to concentration issues and their triggering questions and managing daily life. Treated like a liar and a criminal. I had a problem with teachers authority and I have a major sensitivity to injustice but I’m also aware of guilt and shame of not just doing what I am told! I feel awful that I have done this but grateful God has opened my eyes to see my own hypocrisy and I ask He will continue to do this and I pray that the relationship between myself and my children will heal. My middle son definitely has PDA (or ODD). I can’t even speak without being corrected, criticised or disagreed with. I don’t think I have raised him like that but I know there have been times where I haven’t understood why he has defied me at earlier times, I understand now, issues getting him to school, he didn’t like it, poor kid had to prove himself every single day and didn’t know where he fit in. Awful peer group. So March 2020 we started home Ed for all 3 boys, Covid seemed the perfect opportunity to do something I felt God nudging me to do for many years. It’s hard for sure but a sacrifice worth taking to give us all time to heal and get to know one another from scratch, including myself.
My Father told me never to listen to anyone to do my own thing & that just because someone is an adult or older than you, you don't need to take their word for gospel. He was an alcoholic & I later as an adult found out that he was raped by a grown man when he was 5yrs old - I think that might have what he was getting because he told me this when I was about 8 yrs old & I thought it was so cool that he was encouraging me not to listen to authority but obviously know right from wrong 😅 (don't lie, cheat or steal)
My sibling has a self destructive level of ODD. He still has it in middle age. It has sabotaged every area of his life, and he will have to work menial jobs until he dies because of it.
My brothers too but especially the younger one who was blamed for everything wrong at home. He started rebelling in teenagehood and has been rebelling all his life as well as alcoholism
A healed person should not defer to authority. That is a characteristic of the damaged. Because if something is true, it must be proven by evidence, not carried by authority. I personally haven't come across any claimed 'authority' that met this type of scrutiny. Aside from those that simply wish to inform. Rather than to leverage their position. Adherence and belief in authority simply means you relinquish personal responsibility and critical thinking. It also conflicts with trusting oneself.
it's only in the last year or so that i have begun to jokingly say that as a kid, if my parents told me not to do something, i would usually turn right around and do that something. so, this is an interesting concept for me as i never would have called myself defiant.
Include them in decisions that affect them. Ask them don't tell them. It takes patience and time for them to open up,build trust slowly understand they have been hurt in many ways
Respecting authority does it mean you're compliant... A lot of evil people try to use the law to subjugate and impress Free people. Respect is earned... You don't respect the badge... You respect the person wearing it or you don't respect the person wearing it... That's the bottom line.
In my experience, I noticed that kids who are spoiled often have ODD too. I guess because they're so used to getting whatever they want, they're not used to hearing no. It's weird how my sister's and I were abused but we weren't defiant. Well, my eldest sister was defiant at home.
0 :59 Abused power and sadism cause this, and it's easy to understand under that lens... if you have any empathy at all (which gang stalkers absolutely do NOT).
@@TheRebelliousMeatPuppet When every 'authority' has broken down under scrutiny, revealing itself to be not just flawed but fundamentally not legitimate. What point is there to respecting any of it? Plus as you said, as a sovereign being, who needs it anyway. It's even hidden in plain sight in the 'social contract' concept. Though I believe one's sovereignty is spiritually undeniable and unchangable.
@@Wimpiethe3 right. Each person is a sovereign being. They choose the values that they will hold over themselves. A liar holds their own comfort over honesty, for example. In human systems, when we are healthy, we choose our own network, and we understand that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
There are lots of unhealthy things in this world too that children are subjected too. School for 30 hours a week injustices after injustice there. There are hundreds or people that would wound a child. The parents are the only ones who can harm a child. If a child gets to an age without this world breaking then that should be celebrated and honored and work to support mothers to create this
Funny i was never an "i'll make you pay" person. However i have definitely become one and i don't like this response. It's bitter and vengeful. I was a bye gone's be bye gone's kinda guy 🤷♂️
ODD is simply learning that authority figures are no better than you, and often times less competent than you, at an early age. In adults it's called "realistic".
