Autism + Narcissism = Dangerous

Jodi Carlton, MEd - Neurodiverse Relationships

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Are you confused about autism and narcissism? Can it be both?
Check out the podcast I'm a guest on with Dr. Stephanie Holmes: • When Autism and Narcis...
#shorts #narcisissm #autism #abuse #neurodiversecouple #neurodiverserelationship #communicationproblems #jodicarlton #therapy
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👩💼 Hi, I'm Jodi Carlton, a leading world expert on adult #neurodiverserelationship dynamics and interpersonal #communication. I am a seasoned professional with 20+ years of experience as a #therapist and #relationshipcoach specializing in #autism, #ADHD, #anxiety, #depression, and #abuse. I am #trauma certified and trained in Accelerated Resolution Therapy and hypnosis.
MY PERSONAL STORY: Although I have professional counselor education and training, my life experiences in my own neurodiverse marriage, as a parent to my #autisticdaughter and #adhd son, and my relationships with other neurodiverse family and friends have been my personal training ground. I am also a survivor of narcissistic abuse and have experienced the narc abuse cycle in multiple relationships. I have battled and healed from the codependency that results from having an abusive childhood.
QUIZZES: I have developed customized quizzes for you to identify traits of neurodiversity as well as toxic personality traits in partners. Take a free quiz at: jodicarlton.com
COMPREHENSIVE RELATIONSHIP EVALUATION: Assesses both partners to highlight unique traits and characteristics in areas such as personality, sensory processing, logic & reasoning, empathy, memory, problem-solving, and more. This data reveals how a couple's differences are affecting their relationship. The purpose is not to identify one partner as "abnormal," but to understand how partners are different from one another.
COACHING: My mission is to help you get clarity about yourself and your relationships to make informed choices, heal from your own pain, and improve your overall quality of life. I coach individuals, couples, and families worldwide using a solution-focused approach that results in life-altering answers and real change.
🎙 PODCAST: Listen to the "YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship" podcast, which has been downloaded in over 70 countries on your favorite podcast platform or watch it here on RU-vid.
• Podcast: YOUR Neurodiv...
💁♀️ COMMUNICATION COURSE: The world's first program that facilitates life-altering clarity and change for neurodiverse partners and couples who are stuck in a cycle of rehashing confusing and painful conflict and shutdown.
jodicarlton.co...
🌐 Visit me online at JodiCarlton.com to learn more and for more resources.
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Опубликовано:

21 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 43

@scottnovotny4452 7 месяцев назад

I have a recording of her in a narcissistic rage then an autistic meltdown (hitting herself in the head and hyper ventilating) and then back to her narcissistic attack on me. The narcissistic abuse at the end didn't last long because she looked exhausted and then fell asleep. It lasted for over an hour.

@lynnschaeferle-zh4go 7 месяцев назад

The combined is rampant among the men in my family. They are all engineers and exceedingly mathematical. They test well so they all think nobody can match their superiority. But they won’t tell you anything because they have no emotions and can’t communicate.

@JodiCarlton 7 месяцев назад

Engineering and math minded individuals are commonly neurodivergent. High intelligence can lead to big egos because of real superiority rather than imagined (which is the case in narcissism). However not having fluency in emotion combined with poor theory of mind (cognitive empathy) leads to not understanding the perspective of others. These men in your family may seem self important but are not narcissistic unless there is a need to keep others small, to devalue and demean in order to feel powerful and make others feel worthless. Thanks for sharing and I hope that gives you some additional clarity.

@Ginette688 7 месяцев назад

My boyfriend is an engineer and on the spectrum. I have noticed when it comes to the thing I am very talented at which is painting and drawing, he makes a point to devalue this one specific thing-like saying i would never pay the price I charged for my artwork, then when u confronted him he said he never said that. He refuses to give direct compliments about me as an artist or my work for example like say i am a good artist, or avoids saying anything when I show him my work at all. This one area I know I am very good at and if it wasn’t for an illness I have been told by a professional artist that I could have been a professional. So this one area if really hurts he doesn’t encourage me. He won’t encourage me but will go on about how his niece is so talented as an artist and how he wants to pay for her art school when he knows I never finished art school and it was my dream and I can’t afford it . I am not trying to be a narcissist myself but i just am trying of evaluate if he would be a good partner and so I look at these things. Does this make him a narcissist or an autistic. Can I expect a autistic partner to be encouraging in the area I need him to be if I ask him to and make it clear I need that? If he only has asbergers would he respond to me asking for compliments in this area. And how long would it take to respond. ( Any answer would be appreciated. )

@keykeysmonologe999 6 месяцев назад

I am no specialist in this but am autistic and the behaviour you describe matches the behauvior of a vulnerable narcissist i knew. If He has aspergers you could rationally make it clear to him how important your artistic side is to you. I assume you tried and it didnt succeed. I ask you: Will your love for Art be flourishing or is your patience andhis behaviour kind of keeping you small in and way?

@Ginette688 6 месяцев назад

@@keykeysmonologe999 hi. Thank you for your reply. It took a lot of explaining but he seems to have come around. I did break up with him, but I we still are “friends”with the possibility of getting back together if things change. And I was thinking things are better, but as I reread my comment and yours I can see where you think it could be vulnerable narcissism. He did seem to get better once I had a nervous breakdown and threaten to break up. I will be meeting with a specialist this month and will have to ask her. Do you think if he was willing to change (after much trial and error and many difficult and laborious conversations) it was just autism? It took him a while to understand that he needs to give direct compliments ( to me verses just to people around town), and to admit that he thrives and needs my compliments to him. As he said at first he did not need any compliments.. I had to prove it through my emails. I had one where he said how he appreciated an email where i pointed out all his strengths. But it took a while to get him to admit that. The process was so insane making that I broke up with him. But I think he is trying to change and he is willing to go to see a specialist and offered to pay for me to see one too…so unless it is all an act maybe it is autism? I feel very confused. He says he never said the comment on the art. He can’t imagine ever saying something that rude. And admits if he were to say that it would be hurtful.

@keykeysmonologe999 6 месяцев назад

@@Ginette688 glad to hear you have an appointment with a specialist upcoming. It could very well be just aspergers. The narcissist i used to know interpreted my factual statements as degrading while always trying to degrade me in many ways. So there were occasions where i knew i would never say something like that But the other person took it as an attack because they take everything that doesnt suit them as an insult. Your boyfriend could very well be innocently trying to learn how to speak your love language. But i would still recommend to watch out for repetetive degrading behaviour or non appreciative reactions to your success and/or exitement.

@Genosisnt 7 месяцев назад

I'm autistic and my ex boyfriend was as well, but the relationship just really felt one sided. It was always about him, what he wants, and so on. As a mother and now pregnant with his child I was given no leeway on my life, I was controlled

@menarussell 7 месяцев назад

I know of someone who might be both. It's apparently rare to have both. I look forward to watching the chat.

@JodiCarlton 7 месяцев назад

I'd say it's rare, relatively speaking, but I've encountered it personally in two personal relationships and quite a bit professionally.

@AlmaPe. 2 месяца назад

My father is autistic, was not diagnosed until last year (50). He grew up in an abusive family and clearly has a narcissistic disorder. I'm very glad you talked about this topic. It is a very dangerous idea for victims to believe that just because someone is on the spectrum they are safe. I have seen several women leave my house to be admitted to a psychiatric center.

@AlmaPe. 2 месяца назад

If you are one of these women and you read this one day...if you have experienced this and have never been able to see that child again: I'm so sorry. I didn't understand what you were talking about. Thanks for trying to rescue me. I'm fine. One day I remembered you and I left without even saying goodbye. You are an extraordinary woman. I hope luck has found you. You deserve to be happy.

@JodiCarlton 2 месяца назад

It sounds like your father has done so much harm to so many people. I’m glad you’re ok now but make sure you get some help (if you haven’t already) learning how to set boundaries for yourself so you don’t end up in friendships and relationships with toxic people. Growing up with a narcissist usually results in people pleasing traits - it’s a survival coping mechanism but as an adult it makes you vulnerable to other toxic people.

@AlmaPe. 2 месяца назад

@@JodiCarlton It's like you meet me. I have ended up completely surrounded without realizing it. It's a good observation, getting to safety and understanding what's happening to them... doesn't fix the damage. I've moved cities three times, read dozens of books and research articles on psychopathy, narcissism and BPD (as obvious as it is, I still wish it wasn't true), watched hundreds of videos, attended a ton of specialized courses ... but it is not enough and my fear always finds a "good" excuse. I have worked very hard but not very efficiently. I'm miles away and I'm still desperately clinging to him (as if I can somehow do something to help him with something he doesn't even care about, that he doesn't even regret...) instead of hugging myself. Thanks for your advice. Maybe it's time to stop the terrible pain caused by the suffering of others and feel my own. I've been running for three years and I remember feeling all the time as if I were in a crucifixion of other people's pain (it overwhelms me to the point of making me wake up at night screaming in anguish), it's okay because it means that I am human but it causes me such discomfort thtat I can't see mine. I need help with this, and clearly the fear that comes from discovering that other people may deliberately want to hurt is nothing compared to the pain of being that way. "I'm fine" according to his narrative, which he has forced me to conform to through brute force in recent years, in which being alive is all the well-being I can aspire to, but I am not fine. I'm alive, but I'm not feeling very well. Thank you. Your comment made me think a lot. I hadn't realized this. I am working these months on a project in which they pay me very little and I cannot afford to attend therapy like this but I can stop being like this when I decide. No more excuses. I'll think about this in the afternoon. Thank you. 🤝🏻❤

@kgroden8649 Месяц назад

I have austism and my ex boyfriend is a shoe-in for narcissistic personality disorder. We have a child together and it’s been very difficult co parenting. I haven’t accepted until recently that we will never be friends and anything I say in confidence in one conversation will be used to hurt me in an argument months later. He said he wanted 50/50 custody of our daughter and it’s clear he only wanted it that way to avoid child support. He loves her as much as he is able to and is very attached to her because she is an extension of himself. But he pawns her off on to me whenever it’s inconvenient to have her or he wants to do something else but swearing up and down he has her more. I’m planning to take him to court at some point. This cannot go on. I’ve been documenting our interactions but I’m worried he might use my having ASD as a reason to call me an unfit parent. Even though he clearly doesn’t think so if he’s asking me to take her all the time. Does anyone have any experience with this? I would love to hear your thoughts.

@frannavin3165 17 дней назад

I experienced this for 33 years

@TFrills 11 дней назад

So this is just an ad for your podcast... Last time ever watch a yt short

@DrLauraRPalmer 23 дня назад

I find PRINCE, AMANDA SEALS & KANYE WEST the perfect poster children for narcissistic autistics. Being they are public figures, they are a great study.

@DrLauraRPalmer 23 дня назад

Due to the fact that they teach that autistic individuals can’t be narcissists and if they are, it’s bc of their mother, it’s become really impossible to grasp the reality of just how complex both personalities types are. INTENTION is the only barometer that can decipher one from the other. But this duality is more common than what has been recognized in the past. You can be BOTH, easily driving the care taker into a mentally unstable head space over time where they are becoming slowly unglued/unhinged due to raising a autistic individual with other dual disorders, then, often, having to be the sole provider once that autistic child becomes adult age. Years of raising such a polarizing personality, especially if the autistic child has many narcissistic traits, can likely ruin the human psychè and not enough caregivers/mothers are given this grace. But instead told they are narcissists. Many times they are not. Just mentally exhausted, fragile and easily triggered. No one supports them and everyone blames them. By default, there is never any responsibility placed on the autistic individual, which is why Drs are JUST beginning to recognize that an autistic person CAN be dual diagnosed with narcissism. So imagine all the mothers who were actually raising these dual types all along who got ZERO support or empathy for the difficult life they were quietly trying to survive all along. These mothers are out there and no one sees them bc everyone just gives autistic individuals so much grace. But what about the autistic person who is darker in nature and more calculated and abusive? Should they get the same grace? Sometimes mothers end up evolving into what seems like narcissism as a safety coping mechanism. We must dig deeper and stop being so quick to just blame mothers as if they aren’t humans possibly going through emotional trauma due to receiving the zero support while raising mentally disabled individuals. It takes possessing empathy and a much internal understanding of both conditions to be able to see it this way.

@JodiCarlton 23 дня назад

Hello and thank you for your comment on this topic. Research tells us that mothers of autistic children have the same stress levels as combat soldiers. I believe it. I've lived it! I agree with you that mothers are the primary caregivers of autistic children, and they are given very little support. I also agree that raising an autistic child who has comorbid narcissism is devastating for a mother. I'm not sure where you're hearing that mothers are being labeled as narcissists or that they are blamed for adult narcissism (decades ago mother were blamed for a lot, like schizophrenia), but I haven't seen what you're describing in my 20+ years specializing in this field - can you point me to some more information about this? Thanks again for your comment!

@bailujen8052 2 месяца назад

I'm on the Mild Autism and I thought I was Narcissistic until i found out i was mentally abused and my mother is very Narcissistic. I don't want to have npd on top of my autism. When i called out my mum on her mental abuse, she tried to claim "It's not abuse, it's your autism". It was at a time i no longer excuse myself with my Autism.

@DrLauraRPalmer 23 дня назад

@catwilde 3 месяца назад

It's hell on earth 😢 My partner is level 2 autistic and is horrendously verbally/mentally abusive, controlling and misogynistic. He is a drug addict and the weed is most definitely causing some kind of psychosis. He even does drugs when looking after his child. He has commiting child abuse/neglect towards his non verbal autistic child, putting him in absolute danger many times. He messaged me saying he'll slit my throat if I spoke put about it. I voiced my concerns to the mother, but she ALSO threatened me, because her partner is a drug dealer and she is also incompetent allowing said child to be "eating chemicals" whilst in her care. She knows all this is going on, is aware of the neglect by my partner and his mind spiralling into psychosis from drug use..but she does nothing 😢 I finally had enough and called cps on them a few months ago..but my partner demanded I don't give them the evidence I have which would put them in jail. Their little boy is now 10 and has zero chance talking under these circumstances and environment. Any behaviour he learns at his ABA, he unlearns and regressed due to my partner (the dad) not helping to follow through with teaching him. I don't want to have their child taken away by cps, but I don't know what to do anymore 😢 He promised if I backed off and didn't give cps evidence, that he would change and do better. Its only got worse 😢

@catwilde 3 месяца назад

Oh and by abuse, I mean he locks his child outside in the dark for ages at night when annoyed with him, he screams at him regularly, has thrown him in his bed, unstrapped him twice from his seat whilst driving 80mph on a freeway..only for said autistic child to immediately climb into the front seat and attack my partner and grabbed the steering wheel trying to veer then off the road. I was on video call at the time and took screenshots of what I saw happening. My partner strapped him in his seat, then did it AGAIN a few minutes later. He only stopped when I said I would tell his ex wife (the mother) if he didn't stop. I've since told her..but she doesn't care 😢 I have been through abuse before, so this has all been extremely triggering and traumatising. I have empathy for my partner since him and his child are autistic..but this has to STOP!

@JodiCarlton 2 месяца назад

It sounds like you’ve had quite the horrible experience and I encourage you to focus on your safety. I do want to clarify for you and others that a person who is level 2 autistic is unable to live independently without some degree of care and supports from family or social/residential services. So this does not sound like level 2 autism but more like a personality disorder (narcissism or antisocial personality), perhaps combined with below average intelligence (but that part is not clear based on what you’ve described) as well as addiction. Nonetheless the child needs intervention! Being taken by CPS is a hard life for a child but living in his current circumstances is life threatening. The child deserves a chance at life which he’s not getting at the moment. I recommend that you get yourself to safety and out of this relationship and give that child a chance. You may be the only shot he’s got to survive.

@catwilde 2 месяца назад

@JodiCarlton Thank you for taking the time to read my comment. I know you're right 😔 The situation has weighed heavily on me, since no-one seems concerned. Just alot of enablers/liars making excuses for themselves and others, to avoid changing..and not putting their child first. I was thinking about signing up to your recent group, helping those in potentially abusive neurodiverse relationships. I feel stuck/torn.. that I either have to stay in the relationship to help out and give the autistic child the devotion and safety he needs, or report the parents..this time with evidence. Besides my partner being abusive to me (which I know isn't good), I haven't seen him be incompetent with his child recently. Although he is finding it hard giving up the weed usage. He says he is changing. I'm not so sure. Today I told him to arrange having a high fence constructed in his back yard, to help keep his non verbal son safe..and although reluctant and mad at first, he has been proactive about it. So there's that. II will take your advice on board. I'm grateful for your feedback 🙏💜

@menarussell 7 месяцев назад

Where's the link? It isn't listed anywhere.

@JodiCarlton 7 месяцев назад

Well oops! It's in the description, but it's hard to read on some devices. Here ya go! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-_C7DgVzXs8g.htmlsi=0QQbQdTzVDT0o0jq

@JodiCarlton 7 месяцев назад

Here's the link! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-_C7DgVzXs8g.htmlsi=0QQbQdTzVDT0o0jq

@krstnenepoviem8250 7 месяцев назад

Someone mentions engineering but my father who I believe is autistic maybe ADHD as well and narcissistic (devaluing, physical emotional verbal abuse cussing at me present) is not very intelligent, never achieved anything, only worked for small wage as a slave, hard labor worker

@Bb-jm6wx 4 месяца назад

Your Dad is exactly how my asd friend is. But they don’t have adhd, only asd + NPD . But the same like ur dad . Can we discuss this more ?

@christinahall9258 5 месяцев назад

Either way its abusive. They don’t get a gd free card just for their condition. I’m traumatized from trying to make it work for 5 years with my aspie male and I’d run to the hills if I were any of these men or women.

@JodiCarlton 5 месяцев назад

I agree that no one gets a free pass for being abusive regardless of any kind of condition, neurology, or biology. I have told my clients through the years - even the ones with severe mental illness - that they are responsible for the choices and behaviors, and if their bodies are creating challenges, they are responsible for seeking help and assistance with those challenges to minimize harm to self and others. I also agree that anyone in a relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder and is also autistic is in a dead-end relationship that will snowball with more and more - and may even be a life-threatening. To be clear, though, autistic individuals are NOT all narcissistic - autistic relationships can be very fulfilling for both partners. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you are getting help for the trauma that you experienced!

@apsarasangreal84 5 месяцев назад

If it does Not immediately and absolutely involve my "mother", she will argue violently that some historical Fact *never* happened... but Only when it could make her look bad. Used to beat me, then tell me not to say anything, cus it *may* make someone think something about her, which she did not want. Knocked out 2 teeth, for saying "Jesus was a Jew."