I have Silent Sundays. No phone, no people, no Social media. Just animals, music, art & literature. Wish more people would try it. It renews you, autistic or not.
This is a wonderful idea. Unfortunately I cannot implement it due to my family situation, but IF I ever get to live in my own place without anyone else there, I will put it into practice.
When I was a child I was always going off alone, down a trail when we went camping, or climbing a tree at home and writing poetry. It worried my parents. They invaded my privacy and read and made fun of my poetry. 😪 it still makes me cry when I think of that.
I am so sorry you were made fun of for something that likely helped you manage your nervous system and soul....sending love and support and hoping that today, you can cherish your sweet alone time.❤
@@DrKimSage I only have been realizing I am autistic and have ADHD these last few years and I’m 67 now. It explains so much! I told my Mom before she died last year and she agreed.
I feel so sad to hear that. I can relate in the sense that my mum read my diary and made fun of this too. It says something about our parents' immaturity rather than anything we did wrong. I too am late diagnosed autistic, I'm 59.
Thank you for putting this out here. It's so hard to make people understand it's not about THEM when I don't attend e.g. each family gathering, and it's also not about me (in the way, that I'm sure it's not a depression causing me to want to isolate). It's just a thing that I really need a lot of in my life, to be able to keep things going - and also to be ME and to be happy. I consider myself lucky that I don't feel lonely at all. Can't imagine that conflict of needing (and wanting) people around, but not being able to at the amount that would feel right.
I agree; a lot of people take your absence as a rejection and don't understand that it's not personal. Solitude for me is so comfortable that I too, don't feel lonely, but I DO feel guilt and shame around others feeling hurt for my inability to be social with them.
My partner (late diagnosis) schedules 3 days at a hotel every 6 weeks in order to recharge. I (ADHD with fearful avoidant attachment style) struggled with her need for this and felt abandoned - but, over time and with researching more about autism and working on my own things, it is now just a normal part of our life and has improved how she feels and has improved our relationship. *I am aware that being able to stay somewhere every 6 weeks is a privilege. I hope that every person can find something that can be helpful.
Living the same situation, being an adhd makes really hard to understand why she needs the alone time. But, after the time, she comes back to me, so I started to understand that it's not something to do with rejection or boredom, but it is definitely an autism situation. Day by day I'm understanding better what she needs, but it's always difficult for me to not feel rejected. Beyond all that, we love each other so much that I can't see a life without her, she says the same.
@@aktchungrabanio6467 In my situation, yes- I feel secure that she is not cheating. It has taken a lot of inner work and research to understand and explore myself- and it is work that I will continue to do. I still have moments that I can fall into my old patterns/reactions, but I am learning to 'pause' in the moment and that is helpful.
I don't know how to thank you enough, but you are slowly helping me save my life. This video is 100% me. I believe my dad is autistic and my mother and step-father were/is a alcoholics. My parents divorced before I was 1. My stepfather passed at a young age(52) because of alcohol. It took me a while (a few different therapists)to find a that fit me therapist. I've been seeing him since last Oct. 23'. He opened my eyes, which led me to find you. 😊 thank you, thank you so much for doing what you're doing helping people. God bless you. You are now added to my prayers 🙏 🥰😇💐
Kim, you are such a lovable woman! You are certainly a blessing to me. Your exploration into the autistic spectrum and the similarities to cptsd etc... is a journey that I am tracking with you. I respect your willingness to be vulnerable and authentic. You are an excellent communicator and your demeanor is lovely. Keep on keeping on!!!
I’m 69. Introvert, HSP & now found out have autistic traits. I get overloaded quite often. The world is noisy to me. Love alone time, & like getting lost in a tv show. Love gardening. Sometimes I put cotton in my ears to soften/mute sounds.
This was made completely and fully about me, Dr Kim, and we've never even met! THANK YOU!! I'll be sharing this with loved ones who cannot understand me and these "quirks" I have. This explains it perfectly !! ❤️❤️❤️
I'm not sure if you did a video on this, but maybe autistic women may come off witchy with a "b" (if get what I mean) when they aren't masking. I feel very.. matter-of-fact with people if I'm not trying to accommodate their nomal-ness. It feels like social norms can make autistic people come off irritated. But that's why I definitely value my alone time.
@@DrKimSage yes! I'd love to hear your thoughts! When I had an issue with bullying in high school it was from boys. I'm now wondering if it's because I can't read signals and I wonder if they thought I was being a b. The whole thing seemed to be so confusing.
I have a nature preserve near my house. When I started my diagnosis journey, I would go out there at dawn every day just to walk, listen to Autism stuff and openly feel/process. It wasn't my ideal place, but was the best I could do and it was really helping. Then the weather would change and people would just be there all the time and it wasn't a safe place for me anymore. Joggers running up behind me, people wanting to stop and talk about the birds, sometimes creepy people, random unleashed dogs {which I love dogs, I'd be thrilled to see them, but then comes the pet parent who wants to chat}. What was a respite became a place full of anxiety and high alert. I left every time feeling exhausted and drained so I had to stop going. That sent me into a deep depression. Now I'm looking to build a swing set in my back yard so I can have a place to be outside, but protected from other people intruding on my space.
This is why I enjoy astronomy while observing alone from dark, remote sites. I am alone and I get a break from the local loudmouths and other sorts that frankly, irritate me. Just me and the Universe.
We are currently in the process of diagnosis of ASD/ADHD for our son and I am just trying to learn as much as possible to help him. The more I learn the more I see the traits in myself. ❤
This describes me so much. I know I’m on the ASD spectrum but to what extent I can’t really say. I can be very awkward in social situations where there are larger groups of people and I don’t know anyone really. I’m super uncomfortable and I can’t connect, especially with women. But smaller groups (6 or less, or good friends gatherings) I do fine. I would love to connect with a great therapist who understands ASD.
Do you know if it's really that helpful to get help for autism, if you just find out at 62...I just thought I was introverted and had to deal with it in my own.. .I just don't know about therapy at my age..
Its great to hear a professional that truly understand autism as many tell you what its like to have autism without understanding or having autism. One said imagine being at the beach with sand between your toes and sun beaming down as you can hear the waves in the ocean now relax lol Sand between my toes Ahhhhh, Sun beating on my face giving me a migraine and smashing of the waves what a nightmare. A beach at night with no-one there and calm waves and nice moon lighting things up and flip-flops or trainers sounds much nicer.
Wow, this really made me understand myself a bit more. My surroundings don’t understand why I need my alone time. It’s always “shamed” and misunderstood, like I’m personally attacking my loved ones.. at least that’s how it makes me feel… ashamed that I need to be alone, like I don’t want to let anybody down. I know it sounds stupid, but when there’s a fear of abandonment it is very hard to let go of the expectations of others. This really helped! It’s oke to have my 2 hour loner walks or disappear for a while without any contact.. thanks for putting my feelings and thoughts into words! ❤️
I love the videos you do about autism! Thank you for all the research you do and for sharing!! As far as someone standing in your view when you are at the beach is rather rude and selfish. It's like you're invisible, right! That would bother me also! You are just so down to earth Dr. Kim, I love it. Please don't change that quality ❤
I also get really angry when I'm out in public and people are in my personal space for no reason. I didn't realize until very recently that not everyone has such a strong need for personal space, so it isn't rude to them.
When you talk about the bench issue about halfway through the video, reminds me of a few things that annoy me. I catch a 45 min 5 am bus to go to work. (I drive it every now and then). And it used to be a uncrowded bus. All of the sudden it started to fill up. And now I sometimes have to have someone sit next to me. But what REALLY sets me off is I’m still by myself, and in 30 seconds the bus is going to leave, and at the last second a person comes on and tries to sit next to me when I was all settled in and about to drift off to sleep. That’s when I lose it. I become a jerk. I’ll often refuse to let the person sit next to me. Because if I came on a bus and saw it already full, (because I’m maybe late) I’ll have the courtesy to either drive or catch the next one. As an autistic person I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would want to get on a bus that’s full with less than a minute before departure when there’s “more options” (at least I think there are more options)
Oh man I am so glad I watched this before bed. I would love to find a psychologist that understands these things on a personal level like you do. So I appreciate your presence here on RU-vid ❤
I totally, 100 percent relate! And I love the last part...this is me! I'm in a place where I desperately need this, but due to my current circumstances, I can't.
I loved your TikTok video at the end💖it’s emotions we all go through. I think of these feelings more like stages of life rather than autism. Maybe they had to put a name to the process of being overstimulated in a world of stimulants. We are energy beings who need to ground to nature to reconnect to our selves and alone time is just part of our process. Some of us, like myself, who had emotional neglect as children need a little more space than others. Love Yourself Free❤️
I am truly struggling to tell the difference between autism and avoidant personality... will you please make a video about the distinction between these two.. there’s a person I truly love who acts this way and it’s more like avoidance than autism but how to tell the difference?
I am truly struggling to tell the difference between autism and avoidant and introverted personality traits sometimes too. During my early elementary school years I could be best described as being an extrovert in a way which was at times very annoying to my 3rd grade teacher. It was not until I became a lot older when I found out much later that I was not the only one experiencing that sort of thing during that grade in that elementary school. When being 8 years old. 8 years old which some clerics continue to say is the age of accountability. Was it only coincidence when I found out that other students who had experienced the same in that Separate school system elementary school were all from Indigenous, German or Italian backgrounds back then during the late 1950's and the early 1960's?
Like so many of the commenters here, I feel like every word of this video explained my experience so exactly. I’m 56 and have only been researching autism for about a month. My mind has been blown and I’m considering getting a clinical diagnosis. All the self-loathing and shame I’ve felt my entire life is beginning to melt away. So question…how about a series of videos that are specifically geared towards loved ones (presumably NT people) to help them understand what to do and not do once learning someone they care about has autism. I’m thinking of my adult children in particular. Thanks so much for your work! Glad I found you. 😊
I find that (as a gay male, on the more feminine side of things) resonate A LOT with some of the prescribed therapy for autistic and/or C-PTSD survivors. You are truly a gem for sharing this, thank you!
these two videos on this subject are totally amazing, my 16 yo daughter has had these exact challenges! I struggle everyday to understand. I am learning. Thank you so much. Hope to see many more.
Thank you ..I dont know if Im on the spectrum... Im trying to get diagnosed but dont know how...but I know Im an introvert and dont like being with people...I like being alone.
What about the so called "friends" who take it personally when you want/need to be alone. Then they make you feel guilty for being alone in your own safe space doing nothing!!! Accusing you of socializing with others and not them... that's too much for my anxiety to handle. Then i get big time resentful. Doesnt matter how many times you say..."my brain doesn't work like yours." And then they don't believe you're Autistic because you are so good at masking...😢
I have just assumed I am an introvert (although I’m realizing I have many other female autism spectrum traits), especially since I have experienced long periods of intense loneliness over my lifetime. Can you help me understand the difference between being an introvert and the autistic need to be alone to recharge or regulate as you describe in this video?
I've always loved movies, shows and books that involve creatures and odd things like in Lord Of The Rings, The Neverending Story, Willow etc. Is that your kitty @ 11:55? Cats are the best. 😻
As a side-hustle music producer who is autistic, I've never thought of you as having mic issues. If my own sensitivities are representative, you stay away from harsh plosives and sibilance, so it would be difficult for me to categorize anything else as a true mic issue as a listener. (I have complained to a seminar provider before when they asked for feedback, because one of their mics didn't have a windscreen and the plosives were painful. So I'm not just saying this to be nice.)
I'm enjoying these new series. I always knew there was something "different" about me. This is helping to understand myself and it's so refreshing to have someone finally explain how I feel when I could never find the words to convey the feeling adequately🤍🤍🤍
I'm confused. Is Dr Sage autistic? I have cPTSD and some sensory processing but distinct from autism. I thought she did too. Does she also have autism?
yes, infuriating to have someone block your view and stand in front of you. I get angry when people are walking behind me AND when they are walking towards me and we pass. it feels like they are invading my personal space. I want to walk alone. so glad you are here sharing your autism research and self-acceptance journey.
I hate people walking too close behind me. I walk fast and if people would just drop back or pass me on the pavement it would be fine but walking just behind me, I'm hyper aware of them, the sounds they make, their very presence. Highly irritating! ❤
Yes. Being alone is great relief. All that bit at the end is so so true and spoke to me...except makeup. I never could stand anything on my face (sensory issue I now understand). At 66 I've finally realized how much I love NOT going places and just being alone, home...doing my things, crafting, gardening, and simply taking care of myself. I thought I had CPTSD and I did, do...but now I have realized I am auDHD...and finally I can stop the struggle to fit in, to be "normal" in the way I perceived it. I do not have to go out and can let myself rest and recover from all those years... deep relief. Finally I can see joy might be possible. Alone. Blessedly alone....with friends who I can enjoy now and then, but mostly I like being alone.
When I was a child I was very often in my own fantasy world, pretending to be in real conversations, but in reality I just couldn’t have those kinds of relationships. It was like my special interest was other people. When I got older I still had conversations in my own space, preparing for real situations that never happened. As an adult I was very interested in psychology and philosophy, probably to try to find out how people “work”, ‘cause that was never apparent to me at all, always curious.
Me too! I ended up writing the daydream people and scenarios as stories. They aren't very good, but it was healing for my inner child in a weird way. It was nice to channel my creativity too.
This sounds like a highly sensitive introvert traits - I identify with everything you mentioned, but I never even thought I could be on the spectrum. What is the difference between a very sensitive introvert and someone on the spectrum?
We are twinsies in so many ways! I never knew why I am this way - everything you’ve said could have come from my mouth ! I feel like I found my other home- you’re healing me so much rn wow I live in a tourist beach town as well. I came here to isolate after fleeing a narcopath and letting go of my alienated children- restart. I literally carry a garbage bag and clean up the beach on my morning walks from the tourists and in on consciousness people. I get so angry!!!!! I didn’t know I was autistic until I started watching you- new to this but trauma since the womb:(❤ Thanks for being so transparent and helpful- so helpful!! ❤
I can remember the magnolia trees down the end of the street where our family lived as a child. I always remember those beautiful white flowers on those trees made me nauseous and made me feel awful... thats one of my earliest memories (probably age 3 to 5) i have some "some sort of smell" really bothering me.....
I resonate with every single small word and gesture that you talk about and feel inside. I am so glad to have found you and this community. I always watch but I hardly ever comment. I am a sepsis survivor I do believe it has triggered some sort of PTSD or some sort of spectrum autism. On top of the childhood trauma and abuse from my daughter in law. Put neglect from family and No contact decisions that my son has made. I don't get to love my grandson and I am a sole survivor. My dad's brother, his family is still living but wants nothing to do with me for the last twenty two years Because of things I did in my childhood, Trying to gain attention from someone because my parents were addicts and alcoholics........ Since my mother has passed away My children have isolated me like it was my fault that she had cancer and didn't tell anybody.. I am a mess daily so I'm glad to watch these videos to help me understand that I am really o k. Just being me.
One area I find that doesn’t fit into a “typical” understanding is that when I am hurt by someone I avoid them and protect myself. I have always learned this is considered the “silent treatment” therefore making it an abusive response. But I see it so different. I guard myself because I can’t handle another confrontation if I’ve been triggered to think that is what will happen if I address the issue too soon. It’s very frustrating.
" My sense of smell is the greatest curse." Me Me Me!!! Eggs and meat are one of the absolute worst things that could be cooked around me! I can smell it from a mile away if it is being cooked and even with living in an apartment I can smell that neighbors are cooking too! 😂 Thank you for sharing all of this information! I was finally diagnosed at 33 years old after going through a divorce and not quite understanding what is going on and I will be 40 this year. I wish someone would have advocated for girls with autism in the 80s and 90s like it was for boys, but I too grew up with an unsafe parent, so I'm also sprinkled with CPTSD, ADHD, and dyslexia. It's been somewhat of a struggle for sure, but finally being married in a relationship where I do feel safe and I finally understood that I am for sure autistic and have been for many years before someone finally agreed with what I was feeling all along! I am advocating for the little girl that needed someone to do it for her as a child. I have created a safe space for her where she can finally be herself ❤
Yes some foods are very odiferous to me, almost to the point of nausea.. Another category to which my nose is akin to a bloodhound are body odors from others, especially when they don't bathe.....it's very offensive at times to me especially during the hot months where everyone sweats.
I live in a college/tourist town near the mountains and I LOVE the personal story you shared about going to the beach. I have to time my hikes bc there will likely be people talking loudly along the trail or listening to music on a little speaker while they run. It horrifies me and truly makes me feel violent at times. Thank you for this affirmation 💗
It's normal for some of us😏 I've been chewed out more than once for making plans, dates, etc. and cancelling last minute. The dread of going was awful. After years of putting myself through that I finally just STOPPED. So much better now. Wishing you the best in your journey!
This literally just happened to me at the beach yesterday. I was so enraged. I felt like I was so alone in that feeling and being overly sensitive. I love your videos. They help me feel sane.
I try once a week to get alone time, even if it means me going out and running errands. (To me that counts too). But people keep calling me and almost shaming me for not wanting to talk, etc. very annoying.
