Autistic Success Stories & Not Being One Of Them 

Putting your autistic experience into relatable words is a rare skill and being willing to show your real vulnerable face online is a rare quality. There is money in rarity, but growing a niche channel takes a lot of time. You are on your way and I am grateful you are showing your real struggles so we can feel less alone with ours. Together as a community we can learn from each other and try to figure things out. Thank you for doing your part and showing us how it's done, awesome cat lady🐈‍⬛💕

The ones that have taken they're toll on me aren't the success stories as such, but the ones who have had a massive burnout, discovered they're autistic, have left a job and are now somehow recovering at length in a very bloody nice house, ordering 'Hello Fresh' to help with executive function, growing veg in their massive garden and going on lovely holidays to recuperate...and there's absolutely no mention of where all this money is coming from and who is helping to organise their lives. I want more middle-aged, single autistic content creators who address poverty! But I guess they're all too frazzled to be making content 😭

I hate seeing these 'autistic success stories'. None of those people represent me at all. It's nice they were able to monetise their neurological issues, write books and do public speaking. They are privileged in the sense that a lot of them have had support from their family and friends. I want the REAL stories.

I have a full time job in IT, and from the outside looking in, you might think i'm doing well. But from the outside you don't see the endless anxitey, lack of sleep pretty much every night, and slowly creeping up burn out that could eventually mean the entire thing collapses. It's the social media affect, you only see the side that people want you to see.

Man, I really feel you on the “I don’t have a thing I’m good at” point. I have stuff I enjoy, but finding an intersection between my passions and something that’s useful in a capitalist system is difficult.

It seems like you're defining "success" as living a life that looks pretty indistinguishable from the life of a neurotypical person. I think people like Chloe Hayden are much more the exception than the rule, even by neurotypical standards. Unfortunately, we live in a really toxic culture in which people's value is determined by how "productive" they are (read: how much money they generate for the economy), so it's impossible not to internalize the idea that there's something wrong with you if you're not generating money. Just be kind to yourself. There's nothing you have to do or be, nowhere to get to. You are a thousand times more aware of who you are and what you need than most people are.

I'm like you; seeing other Autistic people with relationships and seem to have lots of things going for them, & here's me, still living at home barely able to cope doing the most basic of adult things.

Thank you for representing the average struggling autistic person. It’s really important! ❤

I really despise the "Autistic Success Story" narrative, because as you say, it's often framed as succeeding despite or because of autism. It's as insulting as saying "Look at this amputee, they have a career despite their disability", or "Look at Sweet Anita, she has a career because of her Tourettes". It's gross and reductive. It removes our agency, sometimes even infantalises us. Being autistic has meant a lot of things for me. Yes, I have a successful career in a very technical field, but no, it's not butterflies and rainbows. I still have meltdowns and shutdowns, I've just managed to find ways to hide those away from the eyes of the public, and those ways HURT me. I mask really well, until I don't - if the script breaks, I'm lost. I'm not an autistic success story, I'm an autistic surviving society story. Most of these "success stories" are clips, highlight reels of peoples lives, jazzed up by media who think they're "destigmatising", but are in fact undermining our real differences and needs.

Honestly what makes me feel bad are just success stories in general. Like, most of the things they do are unaccesible for me because of my autism and social anxiety. I can't do a lot of essencial stuff like being independent or talking to other people so easily, whereas for neurotypicals it's so natural they don't even think about it.

RU-vid and the media generally can give us all misleading senses of autistic achievement. The autistic channels that pop up most often in our suggestions are generally the ones of the autists who have had more success in life - the ones with partners, kids, friends, seemingly lots of abilities and very impressive presentational skills. Of course appearances can be very deceptive and those people still have lots of struggles but we don't tend to see those struggles on video. All those attributes are very remote from me and I know I don't have the skills to ever achieve them. It's hard not to compare ourselves to others and autists don't just compare themselves to neurotypicals but to other autists as well. As with any other form of difference we have to recognise that what we call "the autistic community" is very diverse and those within it have very different levels of success. Those differences aren't due to lack of effort or motivation but pretty much due to each of us having different abilities and limitations.I suppose our aim should just be to make the best of ourselves and accept that it's not our "fault" if we cannot match others but it's not an easy mindset to adopt.

By some measures, you could call me an Autism success story; I have a good degree from a good university and I have a good job where I earn more than most people. On the other side of that coin though, I failed first year of uni three times. I lack certain skills (including organisation, planning, etc) which are fundamental to having some degree of job security (my job is literally on the line right now). I don't feel secure and I don't feel understood. I struggle a lot in life; it would be hard to point to a time where I've felt life was easy. I'm sure there was always an Autism struggle at all points of my life. So, in spite of seeming like a success story on the face of it, I wouldn't say I feel that I've been able to overcome my Autism/turn it into a superpower. I often feel helpless as if nothing I've done seems to have made life easier. The statistics around Autism demonstrate that the vast majority of Autistic people are not "success stories". Unfortunately, the world is just not set up for us. As you note, people just do not understand Autism, by the fact that they project their neurotypical expectations on you. Listening to you makes me feel better about myself in a way; in terms of I know how it feels that it's expected to be doing better than I am and the frustrations associated with that. "Why does life have to be difficult? Why can't I do X or Y?" I think to a certain extent we need to set our own standards for success. What does that look like for us? But also, we have to remember Autism is a disability. Like, that's not for nothing. These struggles we face are what makes it a disability. So it's not fair to be so hard on ourselves. I would also hesitate to not say that your youtube taking off would not be a success story. Making a living from youtube given your difficulties would definitely qualify as a success story given your circumstances. As Autistic people, we don't need to accept societal norms and expectations (of success or anything). However, there are certain things that practically we just cannot escape; like having somewhere to live, putting food on the table, etc - making a living - which sucks!

i relate to this. it makes it really hard for me to not feel like a failure even though i know i shouldn’t be comparing myself to anyone to begin with.

Sorry that you're feeling down. I've been struggling with this as well. I often feel very behind in life and inadequate. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's comforting to know I'm not alone.

I hope this isn't offensive, but I like that you aren't a "success story". I like that your life looks like mine. I watch your videos because it helps me to hear someone like me talk and put our shared experiences into words. I've had my experiences invalidated my whole life, and thought that I was the only person who went through these things. I felt so alone. At times I thought I was insane because my version of reality was so different from NT reality. Your videos really help. I think that is a success. I think the success is in finally figuring out that we are autistic. Life still sucks, but it's so much easier to manage now that we know we aren't broken neurotypicals and we know we aren't alone ❤️

If you're (relatively) healthy and happy, can create freedom for yourself and if you stay true to yourself, find meaning you're at least successful to yourself I think. There are many people who seem successful to/in society, but in their personal lives are a mess. I'd say, stay true yourself and accept small victories when you have them.

I feel like being mentally ill or disabled is only acceptable if you've overcome it or have built a life despite your struggles and are also useful as a taxpayer. What people don't like is someone actively suffering and struggling with whatever they're going through. The majority of society is only supportive if you're a success story. Edit: Reading through the comments makes it seem like this is a shared experience/opinion. Here's some of my reality as a mentally ill and autistic person: I have never been in a relationship. I have no friends. I haven't been able to keep a (part time) job for longer than a year. I had to go back to school im my 20s. I never studied for career. I struggle with brushing my teeth. I have medical issues but am too scared to go to a doctor. I am obese. My apartment is a constant mess and often really gross. I don't have contact to most of my family. I struggle with most things in life.

Thank you. Making a video like this helps others who feel this way (like me) feel less alone.

I think you are great Dana. I can really relate to you. I really look forward to each of your videos. Hi from Australia 🇦🇺

I’ve been watching a lot of your videos in the last few days and sometimes you say things that make me cry because it’s something that I have said or thought before that no one else understood. I also don’t have things I’m good at or ambitions and I just wanna watch my tv shows. I’m really glad I found your channel because I have also felt the same about other peoples success stories and I feel bad that I am sort of jealous of peoples online life, and I totally get that they post the most wonderful parts instead of the shitty ones, but when all you have are shitty times and no wonderful parts, it does get overwhelming. I’ve not come across a person who is so much like me, also struggling to survive and to just exist and while i wish it was not like this for any of us, it does feel comforting to know that there are others out there somewhere... even if it is halfway across the planet. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🧡

I dont even know what healing even is. So me and Donna and Karra and Heather are gunna throw all our time and energy into a small eco friendly home...er sanctuary....I'll try to spend my last 3 years healing...if its even possible...

I'm a late-diagnosed working class adult with invalidating extended family. I have dropped out of college repeatedly and haven't had a steady job in idk how long. I relate to your content SO. MUCH. ❤️❤️❤️

Am still watching but I love this! I feel the same way about everyone putting on this successful persona, it doesn't represent most people, autistic or otherwise.

I totally understand what you're saying here and relate. I've had "success" in my life for some period of time, but like my big success was keeping a job for a year+, not any societal standard. and i haven't even managed to do that for permanent. Thank you for making this video

Thanks for the video ! It does sometimes feel like being succesfully self-employed, married with children and having a following in the tens of thousands at least are valid autism diagnosis criteria going by social media representation ...

If I didn't have to get a job, I probably would've been successful. I can't work a job, I can't live in the city, so that is what I had to do, to escape madness. So no matter how successful society thinks I am, I am a failure, I lost my soul and my talents, health and happiness. So please don't be to harsh on yourself, before the system ruins your life too. I hope society soon will advance enough it can create win/win situations for the autistic + allistic people combo. 5th of may, freedom day in the Netherlands, if only I could be free, if only people like me could be free, life would've been brilliant, but if I can aim for okay, that is also okay (I hope).

You're moving forward despite numerous challenges, creating a community where we can be honest about and share in our struggles, and have friends who absolutely adore you. That's success to me.

your channel is my fave autism channel rn, thank you for keeping it real

Depends how to define success. You could have the best job and relationship yet you still feel miserable and unfulfilled. I just try to enjoy my life and not create a checklist where I am a failure unless I do what everyone else does. Life is so difficult. I feel society is seriously ill right now and I don't get my self esteem based on it

I've had a successful career which collapsed at some point, 7 or so years ago, and I'm starting to think I can never go back to the demands of that career. Taking care of my mental health is a full time job and even at that I'm only doing a so so job of it. I hope your channel takes off. It should. Hope to see a collab between you and one of my other favorite autistic creators. Thank you for your refreshing honesty.

Thank you for making this channel Dana ❤, I’m sitting alone smoking weed in my car because I can’t function with all my sensory issues i have and I literally have to numb myself to function at a basic level( I’m talking basic hygiene even) I’m in the process of getting diagnosed in my 20’s and suspect I have level 2 because I can’t keep jobs, I don’t have and can’t make friends (trust me I’ve tried :(), I’m always in the borderline of shutdowns daily, and I can’t even feed myself sometimes because I can’t tell I’m hungry until I’m feeling sick from hunger pains but at that point too overwhelmed to even make cereal. Sorry for the waffle 🧇, I just wanted to say thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart for making this honest raw content. I seriously watch your videos everyday because it helps me feel less alone and helps with some tips on how to manage ❤ keep up the great work, and we’ll always be here to root for you, helping each other :)! Much blessings ❤

It is really hard to separate ourselves from the definition of societal success, which is “I’m producing and consuming shit” or “achieved the cis, hetero normative contractual relationship” (eg marriage) beaten onto us growing up and through our lives. It’s worth contemplating if there is a better definition of success for you. Our society would be better if everybody did that.

IMO creating strong friendships that allow you to travel is just as much of an accomplishment as earning money to pay for travel. Possibly a more valuable accomplishment.

I think you’re measuring success in terms of fame and fortune, which is mental slavery. Instead think about success as whether or not you’re growing as a person, being a good person, helping out your community and being generally moral and righteous. Your videos have helped me and family out so much, because we’ve recently discovered that my cousin is autistic, and I know for a fact it’s helped my Aunty immensely and by extension the whole family. You’re very good at articulating how being autistic ‘feels’, and describing examples, because even my neurotypical family members get it. Also make sure you have a relationship with God. I know I’ve seen you mention you don’t like when people bring up religion in your comments, but seeing as you brought up recently you started going to a church I think you won’t mind. Even if everything else fails Jesus always has your back. That’s the real success in life, getting to heaven. Not money, or fame. And even the materially successful people are almost always depressed anyway, because they think once they reach and fame and money their life will get better but it often doesn’t, because it’s how you think in your mind that creates contentment with life. Anyway, long comment so I’ll stop there.

god i feel this so much. i'm on benefits and struggling to gain any traction with youtube and everyday i oscillate wildly from "this is the best life ever" to "why am i even alive". i'm so anhedonic that trying to do anything is just why bother

11:52 That's more or less what writing is for me.

I love your video's as you keep it real and don't go sugar coating anything. I once had a life that if I put it up online it would seem pretty good, full time job (which I hated) going out with friends all the time ( who were abusive and cruel to me) so yeah nothing is ever as it seems. These days I have insomnia, tired all day, have trouble doing basic things, stay in bed most days, struggle with anxiety and depression also, it sucks, but if Im honest about all this quite a few autistics get peeved as Im apparently expected to keep up the fake happiness and life is great mask 😕

Yet another video that feels like it was plucked directly from my brain. So glad to not be alone but so frustrating that so many of us feel this way. :(

Even those of us with skills( and I bet you do have some skills, don't sell yaself short ) aren't always successful. Due to my ADHD I have so many creative skills but sticking to one is hard >.< and due to being autistic I find it hard dealing with people. Been doing pet photography on and off for the last year in my community for free, but I know if I put a cost on it I won't be able to maintain it and eventually break. I feel dammed if I do, dammed if I don't. Theres a pretty big tech industry in Manchester and if I could get my ADHD addressed and find a way to figure out my PDA/autism stuff I could have a decently paying job that I can maintain. Realistically thought being self employed would be better for me, especially since I would prefer to be doing something more creative, but when ever I've tried( and many times I have ) I can't maintain a schedule due to chronic fatigue and my ADHD dopamine seeking by swapping what creative pursuit( I've done like 4 different creative things in the past month xD ). I should stop trying but the political landscape for disabled folk in the UK looks bleak 😬

You're honestly the most articulate person I've found talking about autism on the internet. The way you word and talk about things is so relateable. I've been subbed to you since 3-4k and just want to say thank you for your brutal honesty :) (also, sidenote, have you considered streaming on twitch? I think you'd do really well there, and it's another way for people to support you and get to hang out. It can be a bit mentally draining though 😅) take care ❤

I know it might not seem like it...esp if you're not getting financial stability from it, BUT you've changed lives by being here. I can say that with certainty because you changed mine and helped me through one of the most stressful parts of my life (the diagnosis period). I can't speak for you and what your calling may or not be...but you definitely have purpose here on RU-vid. I'd even go so far as to say THIS seems to be the thing you're good at. Give yourself credit love. 💜

You are literally the most relatable youtuber I have seen here!

Thank you for always speaking honestly and from the heart. It's what sets you apart in our autistic community. As for the YT potential, Ali Abdaal has lots of great tips that are free for beginning a channel and maybe some will resonate with you. I have no affiliation, just a suggestion. You're miles ahead of others who only dream and take no action. Stay well and follow your North Star ✨😊

100% yeah. This is the reality for most of us. Especially your stories of living with your housemate make me feel better when I have similar struggles. We need lots of help. And often a big help is just hearing someone tell you they're going through the same thing. Cheers

I used to do okay in employment but, certainly since being diagnosed aged 50, lots of other issues have come to the fore. Since losing my job almost 2 years ago I’ve become more able to understand myself. I like a challenge, but then I feel incredibly uncomfortable receiving praise and it sends me on a rapid downward spiral! I like to do something that others gain from or enjoy, but I’m quite happy to blend into the background! Any knowledge I have, I want to share!

I exactly feel like you. I just dont want to worry about my basic needs. I am always astounded when these creators you're referring to mention their husband/wife. DOES NOT COMPUTE. AND i totally get it. I married at 45 right after my diagnosis. I realize now it's bcs i read the statistic about 95% autistics not getting married. And then 95% of those marriages ending in quick divorce. I was divorced four months later. For him it was a conquest and for me it was me "success story". I was like, "i am marriable after all!!!" But ultimately, i ended up being a statistic anyway. I guess id rater have been the first stat of unmarried. That was traumatic. Regarding Chloe, wait for it........she's young. I don't wish drama on anyone, but everyone has drama from time to time.

Me either Luv I’m not successful in life but I’m at peace me being me.

Thank you so much for this video Dana. I also feel like really bad seeing successful autistic people, especially since I know I have some potential. I am fairly intelligent and got a HND in applied chemistry but never got a decent job which I have been bitter over. Not only that I've been single most of my life and worry if I will ever even experience dating again.

Dana, to me you’re a huge success story! I’m autistic and currently trying to escape an abusive parent, so your videos give me a lot of hope that I can one day get away from my parent and find a lovely neurodivergent friend group 🫶🏼 big love! 💗

I’m autistic and college dropout too. One of the autistic people I look up to is Greta Thunberg, but I sometimes feel bad that I’m not doing enough to change the world when she is doing so much. So I feel like I can understand your perspective on this. I discovered your channel a few days ago, your videos are very relatable and encouraging. You might not be perceived as “success” by some people, but I think what you do is really meaningful to many of us.

I was living in group homes for half of my 20's. I had to drop out of university. So I guess that I should be proud that I live in my own apartment even though I am on disability. I am very proud that I am in a 13 year relationship. We live together on the weekends! It works for us. I doubt I will work or have career. I have a physical illness and mental illnesses as well as autism. I enjoy watching other autism channels as well but I am glad to watch someone with level 2 autism. You do a good job with your channel.

Dana, I love your channel and thank you for talking about this. I've been coming to grips with the fact that I'm not an autistic success story either. I barely scraped through vocational school (even though it was only a six month program), and currently cannot hold down a job, or drive. I don't have any remarkable talents. If I didn't have supportive family and friends I would be up a creek. Nonetheless I feel lucky to be cared for. I try to give back what I can and help others, but even that can feel like trying to prove I'm still useful. Anyway, your videos make me feel less alone and that means a lot.

I have autism and I'm on disability. My success story is I managed to make 2! Phone calls to strangers today. I felt like I was going to puke it was that hard. Lol.

I'm really similar, and I completely get getting into relationships with abusive men and it being the only thing that makes you feel like an actually functioning person. I did that a lot and I did the whole "atleast I take care of my man" thing which also cringes me out now. I'm on benefits too, can't hold a job, haven't done anything successful at all. My life has just been trying to survive, and even with my partner now (which I've been with for a few years and who is actually very caring and nice) I still feel like some kind of parasite who doesn't try hard enough, who should do better, do something amazing! I still think to myself "atleast I make lunches for my partner when he goes to work" as if that makes me more of a real person. But I am a real person, and you are honestly the only autistic RU-vidr who I see in a position very similar to mine, and watching your videos makes me feel validated and real. I totally get your desperation, I don't know how I'm ever going to make money. I have talents but nothing I can apply for a job with, and I can't get myself together to actually do anything with it because it's so overwhelming and I've failed so much in life because of my autistic traits holding me back socially, or my mental health issues and trauma interrupting everything I did every time I thought something was even vaguely happening. Not to mention troubles with controlling parents, which meant I missed out on normal experiences and was blocked from opportunities. I'm saying this but I haven't given up, I have to do things slow, but I'm so scared for my future, for the elderly me. Anyway I don't mean to bum anyone out, it's just so validating to see someone else who has a similar life to me. I feel so pressured all the time, people talk about autistic people they know and its either their high support needs cousin who's 5 or the really successful low supports need person who works and goes on holidays and is socially accepted.

thank you so much for your honesty and authenticity. it's so refreshing and just makes me feel at ease. i love that your videos aren't edited and that you are just being you. appreciate it a lot!

Awesome friends tend to have awesome friends. I know it's not success story level stuff, but it's pretty good. Now that I'm thinking about it, what exactly qualifies as a success story? There's a lot of subjectivity in there.

Thank you for being so real and relatable. I am in the same boat. About to get my autistic gp interview very soon. 🙏

9:15 Yep. I'm trying to make RU-vid, Twitch, and voice acting work, but I'm not monetized yet. I know that I can't realistically work a traditional job and so I'm desperately trying to make content creation work, as I don't want to rely on my parents forever, and I don't want to have to apply for ssi. I know that it's probably internalized ableism, but I see it as if I get stuck resorting to that that it'll make me a failure.

I feel like I've been bouncing around different things all my life!

Thx for the upload!!

Video request: your ambition to work in the arts.

Brilliant video you are great . Art is great therapy

My father used to to have to pay for me to have any friends. I couldn't make friends at all ever. He would basically pay and bribe them to be my friend. Pay for all sorts of material things for them if they would just come play with me. Yeah, and he did it ever since I was very little, like age 3 or earlier.

Remember, many success stories can be true due to acsses to right medication. I cannot leave a house without Lamictal, Seraquel and Lexapro. Low dosages and no side effects. Many autistic adults take medication to be able to maintain a job or have a family. Personally I do not believe one can have it all without some major sucrifieses in one or other side. Some have kids and husband but cannot work or having work but given up on kids. Of course somewhere someone has it all.

No adverts? You been demonetised or something Dana?

you should be eligible for monetisation here -- have you looked into that?

Most of these influencers who become popular while juggling careers, families, travel etc have no actual impairments. Ripped off medical diagnoses & watered them down for clout.

It’s never too late ❤ I’m 27 too and never have been financially independent in my life (even though I own a master’s degree). I rely solely on my partner of 8 years to live, and it sucks. Sometimes I wish I could be different so I could contribute financially to the household even though my partner earns a comfortable living and NEVER makes me feel bad about not bringing anything home. It’s all in my head. But it’s never too late! Have you considered maybe picking up your higher education and pursuing something that excites you? When I got my autism diagnosis three months ago the psychiatrist who assessed me said I’d make a good neurodivergent therapist and it got me thinking. I’ve no idea whether I’ll give it a go or not but it just goes to show that some things can cross your path when you least expect them, and they can change your life. Who knows, 2 years from now your life might be completely different from the way it is now! Don’t give up hope ❤

I generally like your videos, but I'm confused. Nearly 9000 subscribers and a video getting so many comments and likes within just a few hours of uploading isn't successful?