Avoidant Personality Disorder & the social media paradox 

Hi Maxine, Congrats on still being sober! 'Do anything for 30 days, and it becomes a habit!' In two weeks, your habit will be non-weed smoking! I think you will make it! I agree, toxic comments are a potential problem, but only if we take them personally. Its hard not to, and many folks block comments so people cant even post on the videos. Guy Macpherson did that, which is too bad for people who want to read how others are responding, or who would like to add their 2 cents and thier ideas about solutions to our global problems. Macpherson was being attacked by professional trolls, which are the worst kind and dangerous. Have you considered having your boyfreind read and delete the inappropriate comments before you read any?. It depends on his personality though, so that might not work. Yes, if we are watching the highlight reels of other peoples lives and comparing our humdrum selves negatively, thats a problem, I agree. We should be practicing sympathetic joy, instead. That is the Buddhist practice of rejoicing in the happiness of others. It could also be an opportunity for practicing loving kindness and compassion toward ourselves by wishing happiness and abundance upon ourselves. In any case, we just need to find an approach to mean comments that is constructive in some way. But, yes, please just regard the troll comments as coming from immature, misguided and unhappy people who havent yet learned about the eleven benefits of practicing loving kindness. Another Buddhist practice is to consider our enemies as beings who are actually probably enlightened, reincarnated Buddhas who are placing just the right obstacles and challenges on our life path, in order for us to learn and grow and mature and eventually find happiness and fulfillment in our life. I agree, social media can help you find your spirit tribe. We all need one. I have a theory that we all should have wise, emotionally available parents, kind brothers and sisters, a best freind, a lover, a life coach, a mentor, a councillor, a therapist, a psychiatrist, a guru and a spirit tribe. The fewer of these we have, the more lost we will find ourselves in life. Keep up the good work, Maxine! Beautiful cat! Is that an austrailian sheep dog? Very well behaved! Best wishes for continuing recovery, Paul. (Sorry the comment was so long. I am in manic phase today)

I watch content creators for who they are, not paying a lot of attention to the comments. You make good points, thx for sharing.

RU-vid is my only social media source. I only use fb for marketplace. Like most things, yes you are correct, its all about how you use or utilize the socials. I even gave up most politics which i used to really enjoy albeit extremely frustrating at times. I digress...gl on the job hunt! 💜

I avoid posting to social media, and the few times I do post I use a lot of time overthinking it, and checking it up. I do not feel that good only consuming others' social media, so I have mostly stopped using person-centric social media like Facebook and Instagram. I like RU-vid because it has many good creators who take up important themes - like you do. Twitter/X is also okay, since it is more like comments on current events and interest and not people trying to be perfect.

Trolls are on EVERY social media platform. You can't escape them. I'm on MeetMe the most where you can text and video chat in people's channels. Just this morning a gang from another streamer jumped into the stream I was in and said horrible things to the streamer but the bouncers kick them out and blocked them. The problem is that they make more than one account and jump back in to try again. The platform allows you to report people and they do remove accounts but again....they just make a new account and back at it. It's ridiculous how they have nothing to do with their lives but to be horrible to people online.

These 2 books can help people with avoidant personality disorder: "You can heal you life" by Louis Hay and a "a new earth" by Eckhart Tolle.

Yep. I left all toxic and negative groups because of it. And meme groups seem to be the worst. Now I'm mostly in nature groups, groups about the 80s, scuba diving, music or the universe. There's barely any toxic comments, if any. I do still have some friends online that could be considered negative, but I don't talk to them in private and mostly ignore their comments or just scroll by. Unless its funny ofc, all the rest I ignore. Going out with real people, I'm trying. Ordered tickets to some concerts I really want to go to, and making plans with people so I can mingle with real people again. At the same time as I'm doing that, I'm also secretly hoping they'll cancel 😂

Oh this is sooo going to resonate I'm scared to watch 😂 I'll come back when video is done

I only use RU-vid and Reddit when it comes to social media- Instagram was way too addicting for me and eventually I just came to realize that I had zero interest in following people online whom I had once been friends or acquaintances with because I mean, what’s the point? It was making me miserable seeing their lives plastered all over my feed and something about the whole dynamic of following people who weren’t my actual friends or people I cared about felt increasingly incongruous over time to how I wanted to structure my social life (or lack thereof). I feel much happier living offline in the sense that if I really care about someone, they’re not just going to be a person I passively follow on Instagram and that’s it, you know? Though also, none of this is me saying that online relationships aren’t valid, because they are- there’s just a difference for me between people whom I knew in real life first and then transitioned to having a passive social media relationship with vs a friendship born out of time spent in a mutual online space/community.

A black floof! I feed a tan, stray floof that looks just like your cat. So cute. Congrats quitting ouid. I need to also. Thanks for the video. Your channel feels safe. I haven’t felt safe lately. So thank you. 🩷🪽

Congrats on quitting weed 🎉🎉 It will get better, I've been off it since June now and dont even remember what high feels like. I am struggling hard with quitting cigarettes. Anyway, keep going. Like my therapist (dared) say: you are seeing you are worth it. *Yeah, my therapist has some nerve I know

Well done on coming off the weed, keep going, you can do it. Hope the bookstore goes well, otherwise along the same lines, what about a library? I agree that a lot of social media is very toxic a lot of the time. I am very fortunate in that I never really got into it. I have never had a mobile/cell phone, use to have a facebook account and almost never posted, just followed family people I knew etc. I use to do a lot of online gaming from when the net was young with text based games, and then graphical games like world of warcraft etc. With the old text based games the people were on the whole very friendly and nice, as it was more hardcore, with the graphics games there came a lot more toxicity. I find videos like this, the comments and suggestions can really help, as you hear from people going through the same things and do not feel like the only one (as you said). It is hard not to feel like you are broken in some way though.

Most times I write posts I'm trying to be witty, wise or ironic in a humorous way. But, If I go back later and read it I sound like a total ass. I rarely make comments anymore.

an _"echo-chamber"_ of any kind, really... I'll go so far as to delete (prune/shape) portions of my watch history, so as to not get a surge of lopsided algorithm, 'feed'... Also, a few years back, the only reason I started a account, was so I could 'counter' a$$holes, and particularly egregious 'idiots', a sort of keyboard-SJW... Was that audacity, or some projection, on my part? You made a relatable point (several) about online, vs in-person encounters; if I were in-person, hearing the stuff I've challenged, on posts; I'd likely not, be so 'brave', yet no less upset... another point you made - when I go looking for, or am particularly on the look-out, for bad comments, I find that I don't quite read any of them 'right', and I may write things, oddly too - that I may go back and reread, and get a materially different perspective from - Though used in a more often, NPD context; I like the term _"flying-monkeys",_ to insinuate those, who's seemingly arbitrary, put-downs, and caustic remarks, that don't even seem to really qualify, as 'proper' trolling - and again, as you've said, knowing that they are obviously having some sort of personal issues, it doesn't necessarily, take the 'sting' out of it... Add to that, many of us rather sensitive types, are already hypercritical, if not 'abusive' to ourselves, so that just one other who's seemingly (or actually) attacking us, causes an overload (dog-pile), and they, being the more objective presence, gets the first, hard-punch, so-to-speak.... Anyway, your energy and presence seems quite good today, whatever you're doing (or not doing)... 😸 ☮ 🤗 💟

Hang in there. As a fellow ADHD avoidant I keep having to learn over and over. ADHD impairs the dopamine system. Weed can help me be at peace with despair. At the cost of tanking that already compromised system.

My early experiences with online forums/support groups many years ago were INVALUABLE to understanding my condition. In those days it was RARE to encounter RUDE/NASTY people. Nowadays meeting HORRIBLE TROLLS is so common online I don't have anything to do with Social Media. EVIL PEOPLE ARE BREEDING.

If you go to a bookstore interview they will ask you what section is your favorite, dont say the kids section. Everyone says that and in reality its the most stressful section. Also i would emphasize how available you'de be. Managers hate people with overly tight schedules.