Hi there! I've been following you channel for al long while and I came back to this video. I have struggled with mental health issues like anxiety, depression, low distress tolerance and a bunch of other stuff. Im diagnosed with recurrent depression and a personality disorder in observation (although it is clear to me and my therpaist that I do have it). But, now where to start. The DSM is quite problematic due to some disordders being less reasearched and understood than others, there can be significant comorbidities and overlaps in symptoms. I went through 4 psychological evalutations and we are still not sure what the problem is. If just look at the wikipedia article for SzPD you will find a lot of contraditcions between different diagnostic and treatment approaches. Personality and personality disorders are still poorly understood and its often very difficult to pinpoint what the problem is. Also as you said everybody is different so it is not uncommon for people with the same personality disorder to be completely different, everybody is unique. It usually takes a lot of work to decipher whats going on. There are lots of myths about people with SzPD. Many will report that they are not actually that indiferent to human interaction (some say it comes from fear, some say they truly are indiferrent, some find it unsafe and some boring and exhausting) or indifference to praise/criticism. Also lack of motivation and enjyoment in most activities and emotional expression (I've seen a lot of people with SzPD claiming that they just find human interaction and a lot of stuff boring and unintersting but at the same time posses deep passion and interest for some things. I watched your video on AvPD vs Covert narcissim. And yeah its a clusterfuck tbh. I can relate to all 3 to some extent. Or atleast I could at points in my life when I analyse my past. You mentioned how a person with AvPD when depressed might look a lot like a schizoid person. Ugh its so exhausting. Although I haven't received an offical specific PD diagnosis I like to describe myself as schizoid at the core. I was like that from childhood. Then I got bullied for being different which resulted in the development of AvPD and maybe some covert narc traits. What makes it event more complicated is that some psychoanalital theorists view some degree/expression of narcissim in schizoid patients. I apologize for this ramble. Currently trying to desperatly understand myself. Not sure if youre interested or have time for it. But id really like to see you hosting discussions about the topic with followers who are willing to participate. Share our experiences. I kinda find it fun and interesting despite the fact that these issues can be quite debilitating (I also believe these discussions could turn out quite funny and entertaining in a weird way due to personality dynamics but also therapeutic). I noticed you are quite into researching about all this stuff (not uncommon for people with SzPD xD). Sending you lots of suspected schizoid love and appreaction for what you do (I might be not that indefferent after all). I apologize again for my somewhat incoherent ramble but its all so confusing.
Girl, start a "Gratitude Journal". If you have a roof over your head, food in the refrigerator, a change of clothes and a dollar in your pocket, you are richer than 80% of people in the world.
I also felt narcissistic before... basically whenever I ask myself "why am I the only odd one here, sticking out like a sore thumb?" ... I mean, it is not like I am special... quite the contrary, yet I always manage to be the one that somehow fucks up.
Wow... I am 33 now and I never knew where my constant sorrow and my miserable self-image come from... I just today read about AvPD for the first time and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Hearing your words... the way you justify your flaws and try to rationally weigh your own pros and cons. I would have said exactly the same thing. I have been diagnosed with dysthymia long ago, but no mental health professional has ever said a word about this disorder to me. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It is so shockingly similar to mine.
this video and the comments below have been pretty helpful in helping me distinguish both personality disorders, and solidify my alignment with avpd, I really appreciate it! seems like the core revolves around rejection and judgement of an outsider, and while avoidants will respond with fearful attachment to it and obsessive attempts to avoid encounters with judgemental reactions, taking the blame on themselves, schizoids will instead respond with rejection of said outside judgement and blame, and completely disengage from any outsider’s perspective of reality, viewing it as flawed and not worth vulnerability, and therefore interest. it’s interesting to think about, considering they were once labelled as one singular diagnosis together a while back, and now are separated into different clusters altogether. (though, it makes sense to me that spd would be considered a cluster a schizotype now: both avoidants and schizoids have a core mistrust of the other’s judgement, but schizoids seem to actively reject the other‘s worldview and consider it as inherently suspicious and maybe even persecutory in nature? which aligns well with other schizotype-related disorders and its manifestations. schizoids just happen to not exhibit positive symptoms like hallucinations, delusions, mania and psychotic breaks, in contrast with the rest of them.)
I'm 29 and not diagnosed with it, but it seems to be the case looking back on my 20's. (teen years i don't count as that's rough for everyone) I had severe anxiety at a new job and life was hell around family and friends for years, my way to bounce back was consistent weightlifting combined with enough sleep, and healthy diet, no alcohol or fast food garbage. But it feels like i'm shouting the "potential remedy" (shit that works) into the void, as people are more interested in talking about and upvoting trauma dump comments, than actually grabbing hold of the problems and rising above them. Your body's health is your minds health, sitting still will factually waste away your muscles and bone density, and a myriad of other health issues, and elevate neuroticism and bad life choices that also affects people in your life, at some point we need to be better and set a positive example in the world, that's our duty to family, friends and society at large.
Good video! The intentions of the people with the disorders are totally different, AVPD is only a protection mechanism, NPD is álso a mechnism, but use tactics (certain intentions and/or plans they consciously use). I read some times AVPD can go together with vulnerable narcissism in a person. Question for you about: Paranoid PD vs/& avoidant PD: (40 percent of the avoidant PD is also a paranoid PD) Is it maybe possible to make a video about 'Avoidant personality disorder & paranoid personality disorder' ? , because I'm almost 100% sure I have both disorders in my core, with the avoident a little bit more dominant. I wonder in what degree you see yourself also in many existing paranoid PD symptoms. So do you recognize many paranoid PD symptoms together with AVPD, or don't you recognize totally no paranoid PD symptom at all, while having an AVPD. This because you talked about that you as an avoidant trust people, I shocked when I heard you saying that, because I thought distrusting people is one of the core problems in avoidant PD, and I thought that fear of bad behaviour of others towards me, is ONE OF THE the main issues/problems of someone with avoident PD, I thought always. But because you said you trust others and have no trust issues, I was very surprised to hear that, because my main problem as someone with a very big AVPD, is trusting others and fear of others behaviours and intentions towards me. So I read all the personalities and found paranoid PD and recognize it full in myself, although I feel and see others are the problem and are bad towards me, while I know I have good intentions. I feel that all people in general are mean and with bad intentions. I can not imagine avoidant people can trust others and see others as good people, because the core is social anxiety. What's the difference, because in both disorders paranoid PD and Avoid PD you see social anxiety?
Ooo I had never thought about Paranoid PD as having overlap, but I totallyyy see what you mean. I’ll definitely look into it and do a comparison video!
Yes 12:17 to everything you said, I’m trying to figure out my body, mind & past. It’s tough to know what & where to start. I totally understand & hear you
I'm getting to where I don't think BPD is a real diagnosis. It's the new Hysteria and therapists are just emotional sex workers looking for an easy mark.
The only thing i can't relate at all is that for you being in relationships is normal . While for me its the complete opposite honestly where i still have some friends but a relationship no you can forget about that being male having avpd ..
I appreciate you making a video , takes some courage to do that with this disorder . Hands off respect ! I have diagnosed avpd/bpd i am 34 , having this combination sucks great on levels i can't even explain . I love watching series and fantasising about being someone else but not me . I have not worked in over 10 years , no relationship etc . I am lucky i got a couple of good friends (luck) . I don't know where i am going cause its never ends , its like groundhog day over and over again . On top of that i have severe exisential depression/depersonalisation/derealisation/addiction.
Hey, we can have both. You got five traits, you got five traits as far as a clinician cares. I don’t even try to categorize myself. But they’re VERY similar, CPTSD, BPD, AVPD… all the research has done was make me stop caring if I met someone with NPD because at least they know what they want better than I do. 😅 Even ADHD and Autism and BPD and Addiction… they’re such similar experiences and results that I was joking about how confusing it is - they’re all just normal people! And my partner replied, “no one fits into a neat little box unless they’re dead” and shrugged at me. It was the perfect response. I’m more toward BPD and it’s not as though I don’t understand the things you’re saying. But we only need five. You don’t actually technically have to care about being abandoned physically OR self harm to have it diagnosed, unfortunately.
I’m pretty sure I don’t have avpd, although I did self diagnose with it until I learned a little more about it. I’ve spent far more time worrying that I’m a narcissist than I have that I have avpd. I decided I’m not a narcissist because of this idea of supply. Narcissists need to provoke a reaction out of people in order to feel powerful or important. Even if that emotion is anger or despair, doesn’t matter, negative supply is still supply. THIS I find abhorrent and I’ve never come close to seeing it in myself. If someone makes me mad, my problem is that I retreat and am a little too conflict averse, leaving problems unresolved, then the frustration builds up over time and comes out as anger. But not anger to control, anger to back TF off lol
Based on what you have said here it’s pretty clear you are not a narcissist. So you can relax. Narcissists never care about how they affect people in relationships unless they need to worry about how they are being perceived in order to manipulate someone. It’s a hierarchy with them at the top and very few people matter to them. They don’t even ask the questions you ask yourself. They don’t care.
Oh my God. I have AvPD as well and it's almost like hearing myself talk. I am so proud of you for talking about this. I can feel your pain. I'm terrified of getting a job, have never had a real romantic relationship. Appearing for interviews is terrifying for me and even though I manage to go to them, I experience debilitating anxiety for months or even years leading up to them. I don't know if I will ever get married because in my country, the woman goes to live with her husband's family, and they are usually quite judgy towards the DIL. Fuck this disorder. Hugs to you ☹️❤
Here's a doozie to chew on about self-esteem: It is too high self-esteem (arrogance, which we lie to ourselves about not having) that leads to the conclusion one deserves excessive amounts of praise and validation. And when we don't get it.... splat... we go from too high to too low self-esteem, and constantly repeat the cycle. We trick ourselves into a trap. We are choosing to focus on/identify with the too low self-esteem aspect, and missing out on the role our too high self-esteem/arrogance plays. Being aware of this and balancing this out helps big-time. Why is the tendency to avoid or deny this? Simple: it's easier for us to think that we have a more humble type of problem than an also arrogant problem. The more genuine our humility and the less lying to ourselves, the more we will see this and be able to rectify. Such is the irony: the humbler we are the more arrogance we will be able to perceive in ourselves. But we can then also work on it. Took me ages to figure this out. The trouble, or most of the delay, was caused by comparing to grandiose narcissists: "I'm not like them! I don't have the same problem! Theirs is arrogance not mine!" Not so. Just different way of manifesting arrogance. Example: one can be arrogant in talking a lot and not letting others speak versus one can be arrogant in remaining totally silent and thinking they don't deserve to hear you speak.
With APD we tend to maximize our negative qualities and minimize our positive ones. We also tend to conflate issues we dislike about ourselves as something someone else will dislike. It's part of the inferiority complex mindset that goes with our APD. It's also not fair to compare yourself to others and especially fictional characters in a romance novel. Just try to love yourself, perceived flaws and all. You are worthy of love, but it has to start with yourself.
I was recently evaluated for Autism. I not only was diagnosed with Autism but several other things including AVPD and Major Depression. I also have ADHD. I have been searching for information on AVPD so I appreciate you having this channel. I am also an artist and I completely get the feeling of making art with and without an art community. I went through a MFA program which was amazing and when it was over it was so hard for me because it is like I am paralyzed to keeping in touch even though I want those connections with people. I found an amazing art community 2 years ago but last year I suddenly had to move and lost that community. I found another one- this is so much work! It is nowhere near the same but it is something. I am just fighting to stay here in the "want to exist" realm.
to anybody whos not going to dentist often enough , yeah , thats what gonna happen to you if you dont go , all kind of annoying issues and problems , its rly nto worth it , you need to fukking go , whatver youre avoiding its gonna be way worse at soem point
On BINGE EATING guys. A helpful tactic that I used (Not a miracle cure) was to avoid POWERFUL FLAVOURS. Example instead of a rich chocolate covered cookie search for a bland lower calorie cookie. The idea is that powerful flavours will push your food addiction into overdrive and you can't stop until you are full. A bland form of comfort food whatever it is will give you the feeling of snacking but not the urge to eat a truckload. If you are used to powerful flavours you will be disappointed with bland food but YOU CAN TRAIN YOUR TASTEBUDS to accept mild flavours. It takes time to adjust so be persistent.
@@anxious_and_avoidant Going cold turkey and stopping the binge eating is PAINFUL, TOUGH, I know!. Moving to BLAND, pleasant snacking is by comparison a soft landing. Snacking on bland won't on its own give you a figure to die for but its a useful first step and trust me Maxine we all want to see you smiling :)
You're SO not alone. Thank you for making me not feel alone. I agree, feeling depressed is a bit more comfortable than being anxious. I also chronically binge eat then crash diet, exercise and repeat. My seasonal mood issues tend to be a major influence on it. So I'm trying to mitigate that factor in various ways. So that hopefully every step forward is followed by only a half step back. You have my support in your journey.
The bravest , strongest, smartest and of course prettiest avpd girl on this planet 🎉. Welcome back with this strong back which fully of hope mixed with acceptance and wisdom. We keep on trying to the end ❤🙏👏
I really like your videos, thank you for making them. Don't worry about big lessons in each, even just a stream of thoughts is great. Maybe you can recommend some good books in the next one. Wish you all the best 👍
My body image has held me back my whole life. Everything has had to wait until I lose weight and feel better about myself. But life is slipping through my fingers. I have tried to get my binge eating under control so many times and every time I would diet I would be unable to be consistent and give up. But I now feel like I have things under control and they are going in the right direction. I have fine-tuned my macros, eating high protein, low carb- but still allowing fruit, bread, crackers etc every now and then and eating meals I really enjoy while staying in a calorie deficit. I'm taking anti-depressants that increased my anxiety quite considerably for a couple of weeks, but now I'm good and have more motivation to do things. But the biggest difference is that I joined a gym. It's a women's gym and I go every second day. I do the treadmill and weights. I really love it. It's been a month and I am focusing on slowly making new, healthy habits and not trying to do everything all at once and as fast as possible and then giving up like I always have. I'm 50 years old. It's never too late to be able to make the changes towards a better you. Don't lose hope!
Pacing yourself is so key, yes. Every time I’ve joined a gym I’ve bullied myself into going every day and staying hours and every time I’ve dieted they’ve been extreme and unsustainable. An all women’s gym sounds incredible. I’m so glad you’ve found something that works. I also struggle with not wanting to put my life on hold just because I’m uncomfortable with how I look (my mother did that her whole life too) which is why I’m *trying* to focus more on just being healthy and hoping that boosts my confidence without needing to change how I look, but also knowing that I’ll look better as I get healthier. 😅 But yeah, it’s a lifelong journey.
this video hit just right for me because today i weighed myself for the first in a year after having been weighed in a mental hospital, and boy did i gain weighed. im the type of person who *cannot* do something thats out of my routine until the last minute, until its absolutely necessary, so im hoping this is a wake-up call for me to finally start exercising. thank you so so much for making this video, not only are you making me feel less alone, i hope you know that *you* arent either! by the way, these things you do to connect to a self of yours that was "in a better place" kinda match the things my therapist has me do so my depression doesnt get the best of me. so who cares what your inner voice says, its wrong! go paint your nails girl, thats what i do every week because my therapist said so! xD
Ugh, I understand this so much. Always hitting a wall when trying to move forward. We don't allow ourselves to grow most likely bc we are convinced we're not worth it. Convincing ourselves we deserve a good thing is not only hard, it's also incredibly exhausting. I think if were not telling ourselves this 24/7 and also showing ourselves for at least a year, it'll always be a struggle. The body image is a whole different story, but I get it too. From experience I know this may not register, but you look beautiful. Hope you find your way back soon. Healing isn't linear, ups and downs will always be there, but I do know they last shorter the more we overcome and do the work on ourselves.
Jesus christ, I did not even realize how intertwined these things could be.. I'm so glad I saw this video. I've been on antidepressants since I was 17. I'm 30 now, and recently understood that I had ADHD. I got meds just the other day and had to aquire them illegaly because the local health-sector is completely broken, and I won't get a assessment until late august at the earliest. Aduvanz really helps with mindfog and overthinking. It gives me space to be in my body. What sucks is that I'm also going through the toughest breakup of my life, so hey, a lot of old and new emotions popping up. At least my crying actually gets to finish it's cycle now. Listening to this makes me think I might have AvPD too. I also thought I might be autistic, but AvPD resonates more. It would explain a lot.
Now see… this kind of thing always gets me. 🥲 7 months later people (👋🏻) are still coming along to hear you talk about how you feel, about your studio, your advocacy, your empathy… you. and I hope you’re making art. I saw this video, so I hope you’ve made more videos... life might be a little okay for all of us after all. 🌼😉 I love these little moments, because you don’t have to know me at all, and for all I know, I might see a work of yours in a gallery one day that leads me to understand something that I didn’t know I needed to see in order to express an idea just below the surface to someone, or even MYSELF - and that’s what art is for. Even if you never see me see it! You could just quit and I might never see that or read that thing you write or hear that thing from you. That goes for thousands and thousands more people too. And each of those people? They might work on part of a building we love, they might write a song you and I need to hear. Think about how much that means to me, you’re out there expressing those things, for us, to us, even not knowing if we will know it was you who made it. Or if we’ll even appreciate your work to express all of that pain. That’s a gift from you to the universe and we’re all part of that universe; you have no guarantee of reward for this, but you’re doing these things and learning things and making things for us ANYWAY. That sacrifice of vulnerability, the hope? I *appreciate* the gift you are giving in that creative space of uncertainty. And if you’re making art, and I’m looking at art, we will always need to know we are both out there. I hope that makes sense to you… that I don’t need to understand everything about you and you don’t need to understand anything about me to CHANGE THE TRAJECTORY OF MY LIFE. That’s important. You are every artist and every art observer. That is why we need you to be you *even just for you*, for us, exactly as you need to be, for you. And that goes for way more than artists. It sounds crazy to say that maybe because we don’t know each other, but it’s really logical fact to my view; we know someone who knows someone who does likely intersect with each others lives in a way at least 😅. That’s just how our world is, and it literally wouldn’t work otherwise; it seems mad, but I promise it’s really true. I’ve seen disgusting poems scrawled bravely across subway station benches that got me through bad waits… we all matter together, even apart. Directly through things like this, across who knows where, indirectly through subtle things online, everywhere. Thank you for being here for yourself, for me, apart. Even if you never see this. I won’t feel like it was pointless to say hello to you. Not ever. 🫶🏻 The internet can be cruel, but it is also a beautiful way to send a message in a bottle if you can cobble together the words. 👍🏻
🥹😭✨🫶🙇♀️❤️🩹 I very much needed to read this today and I appreciate you so much for taking the time to write it. You’re absolutely right. Life and human connection is magic if we allow ourselves to take that risk. Thank you thank you thank you. 🙏🏻
