As a male survivor watching this episode was the second time in my life that i felt like my story was being told(the first one was when I read No Longer Human). This is written with the level of accuracy that could only be done by someone who lived through it and spent even more time trying to understand it. Thank you Richard Gadd for telling your story but also for telling our stories.
Exactly!!! People who haven’t been through this have such a different reaction. They react with horror and sadness and disgust and they feel for him of course. And they’re also confused because they don’t understand why Donnie keeps doing the things he does. But I felt so unbelievably SEEN when I watched this. It was insane.
Such a heavy episode…but I feel like it gave so much insight into Donny’s past and why he acts the way he does with Martha - the freezing up, the trying to fool himself he’s in control of the situation - I felt so uncontrollable watching it but felt it was also necessary
This episode was such an important episode in helping the audience/viewers understand the effects of abuse and grooming. Society has this idealistic image of what a victim looks like and how they’ll react when in reality it’s way more complicated. After you are violated it changes you forever, it changes the person you are and the person you would have been. I know Donnie’s behavior is hard to understand but that’s what grooming does, that’s what shame, fear and pain does. It makes us hate ourselves more and makes us somehow believe it’s something we deserve or caused. We don’t want anyone to know, we don’t want to admit we are victims. So many of us will do whatever it takes to forget, to push it so far inside ourselves that it slowly eats away at us until we can’t hide from it anymore. The brain will go to great lengths to protect itself from trauma. Of course, not all victims will experience this. Everyone reacts differently. It’s incredibly frustrating when I hear people say things like I’d never do that or why didn’t they react this way. No one knows how they would react until it happens to them. I was groomed by an older man when I was thirteen, I truly believed I loved him. I continued to go back to him even after he assaulted me. He eventually moved away and I was left broken and continued to look for love and seek the attention of men and boys who didn’t deserve me. I allowed myself to be treated horribly because I so badly wanted to be loved and because I felt so much shame within myself. I was assaulted again at eighteen while incredibly intoxicated. It took me over twenty years to deal with that trauma. The details were too difficult for me to acknowledge. I developed extreme anxiety, PTSD and became an agoraphobic. It wasn’t until I had my own daughter beginning to get close to the age I was when I was first abused that I realized I had to get help. The fear and shame were too much. It was extremely hard to even tell my therapist what happened, to say it out loud but I had to. I regained back some of my power when I was finally able to admit I was a victim and no matter what I did I didn’t deserve what happened to me. I took over twenty years for me to do that. I think this show really helps the audience understand Donny and why he continued to deal with Martha the way he did. It has you literally screaming why until the fourth episode, then you begin to understand. It then continues to get darker and shows you how abuse and assault can affect the victim after. It’s so incredibly honest and brutal. I hope it helps to bring more awareness and understanding towards victims.
Thank you so much for your honesty and openness here. Apologies if my reaction came across negatively in any way. On reflection I am more shocked these things happen and incredibly frustrated and angry that people do this to others. I’m really sorry to hear that you have had what you’ve said happen to you in your life. Genuinely. I hope you are in a much better place now. This episode was such an eye opener and makes you realise just how easy humans can manipulate people. Scary. Again, thank you so much for some of your story - really appreciate it.
@@TheNerdyverse-DannyReacts Your reactions have been completely normal and you have been extremely respectful. This is a difficult watch, I sincerely appreciate how open you have been to understanding Donnie’s perspective and why he’s reacted in the ways he has. I shared my story because I think for so many of us this series has been so validating in our experiences. I’m surprised by how much understanding and compassion I’ve actually seen from viewers, I’ve seen so much willingness to understand what victims of abuse must go through. It’s really hard to explain how trauma affects you and I feel this series has masterfully given people a very real and raw glimpse at what so many of us experienced. Thank you for your openness and the compassion I’ve seen in your reactions and responses.
This is just so sick and twisted, I feel sick to my stomach. The way the perpetrator acts like the comforter and a good kind person comforting me is just the ultimate gaslight. I hope who ever did this to him is in jail!
I sensed Darrien was off when I listened to how he first spoke to Donny in the pub. I could tell he liked him, but he also just seemed a bit off to me in a way I couldn't quite place (The mark of a good, subtle performance, I guess). Donny going back to him, because he was sooo desperate for an audience's positive feedback was so sad; I know victims of abuse often go back to their abusers out of sheer fear (and confusion, 'cause they're often romantic relationships, and they remember the good times. The worst part is how so many people don't know they're in a relationship of domestic violence until someone tells them. To them, they're in a relationship with someone troubled or unwell and feel an obligation help because they're companions). The most dangerous part of a victim's time is after they leave their abusive partner, 'cause that's the point so many of them try to kill them. Note: Sorry if any of my lengthy explanations ever feel too much, or condescending if you already all know this, I'm just spreading awareness as my parents are retired therapists and they taught me a LOT about all these kinds of things if I ever needed to protect myself from dangerous relationships. Lucky for me, I was always into good boys. :-)
I sensed he was off immediately when he said he "didn't mind a bit of strange". Just gave me the ick, you can just spot these people. This is of course a huge credit to the actor that played him and to Gadd and the writing team.
As a gay man who's experienced sexual assaults from both men and women, mostly women, I definitely developed hardcore sexual OCD and sexuality confusion as a result of the untreated trauma later down the line and it was pure hell. Luckily I never subjected to myself to more sexual abuse by putting myself in more dangerous situations. I went the other way and became a sexual recluse and havent had sex with someone in 10 years now. I just freeze in consentual moments now so its more trouble than its worth at the moment. But im in treatment and im definitely a survivor now over a victim even though the victim mentality can still take over sometimes. Theres so much shame in being a victim whilst the perpetrator gets to live on without shame or repercussions most of the time. But there we go 😬
Really sorry to hear this and hope you are on the journey to help get you through this. I agree - the perpetrators deserve more punishment and also education to ensure these things don’t happen again 😩
I found this episode so unexpected and so triggering. It’s the closest depiction I’ve ever seen to what happened to me in my twenties and the fact he re enacted our his own trauma is just incredible
I cried many times watching this episode. It's hard to watch. I hope between takes the crew checked Richard Dunn was ok. It must have been so hard for both him and the actor playing Darrien to perform, I hope they were both taken very good care of.
Agreed, such powerful performances all round. I feel like anybody else in playing Donny would've been criminal. Even though from the outside as a viewer you're frustrated at his constant "bad choices" and lack of desire to get himself out of these negative situations, you understand his thought process completely. He makes you feel as trapped as Donny just through watching.
@@kissarococo2459 I'm not going to explain, it but no it isn't jizz. I also found it interesting that they brought up the eye infection in the situation . That made me think you either get it or you don't
I have seen dark films and shows but this episode takes the cake, for the first 3 episodes I was sucked into the show and is one of those shows that you wonder why the character is taking all this and not doing anything about it, and you think I am done watching this train wreck but the next day you want to see what happens, then episode 4 comes along and it is DARK as F. However my wife and I got into a laughing attack when he does that dance in his stand up show, when he says Donny Dunn and wiggles like a worm. We couldn't stop laughing, maybe because we were in shock of all the maddness in the episode.
Unfortunately, this is the potential reality of being a vulnerable person. Abusers just seem to sense our trauma and take advantage of us. Then you'll have other survivors who haven't resolved their own trauma who either normalise abusive behaviour (of all kinds, not just SA) and will actively minimise your trauma, saying things like "well, i went through xyz" "other people have 'real' problems" and the like.
That shit was wild...I have a friend that told Me he had been violated.. still to this day I dont know the entire story because he can't bring himself to tell me. He told me about the women but was very not for bringing about any males. This was crazy to watch....actually 2 men have told me some pretty "wtf" type stuff but never told the whole story.
ooooohhhh boooy here we go (i havent started the video yet but I've watched Baby Raindeer) edit: just finished watching your react. Thank you! You've validated my emotions
When I watched baby reindeer i didn't know what to think , but as disturbing and cringe as it was watching it , i was very intrigued by it , similar to the netflix documentary of "jeffery dahmer" again sick and very disturbing, but I was intrigued to find out more about what he had done to his victims and their families. The guy that's using donny actually is similar to jeffery dahmer with what he does with donny , getting him high then taking advantage of him. Not very nice to watch that. However at 8:38 i dont know if anyone is aware of this , but donny here is basically describing the real life legend and icon of American wrestling " Stone Cold Steve Austin" from WWF / WWE , just changed his name to " Hangman Harry". That's the Stone Cold Steve Austin character all over, beer swilling , brawler from Austin, Texas that loves to swear as much as drink beer after beer and doesnt listen to anyone or take 💩 from anyone. I know this as I grew up watching WWF Attitude Era / WWE of American wrestling since I was a child and the Stone Cold Steve Austin character gimmick was and still his massive in wrestling.
It is crazy how you saw that message and not once took the hint that Darrien could possibly be a sexual abuser because it was pretty obvious based on the plot hints .....
Iam a survivor of domestic violence and SA and it was bloody hard watch but i had to watch baby reindeer. . Think when you go through bad trama you just relate to and understand it more . Ive come a long way since and really changed my life i refuse to be a victim anymore ❤
As someone who went through constant sexual abuse all my life since i was 9 to current, this episode was so accurate to how I felt and I connected so deeply to him because I could feel the emotion and pain he felt, it was so real i couldnt stop crying
Yo ngl imma subscribe cuz ur reaction was literally the same as mine speechless traumatizing rethinking life man this episode is just the craziest thing i ever watched.