Bad Movie Beatdown: John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars (REVIEW) 

This review was originally posted in October 2012, and runs 2m 16s shorter than the original, and has been upscaled to HD. As per usual, there have been extensive cuts to reduce the number of film clips, but also my dragged-out syllables. This is again from when I was starting to really amp up into my "Angry Phase", so this was just barely on the edge of being able to be cut back as opposed to being re-narrated entirely; if you find me grating in this episode, I can only apologize. This was one of my Halloween episodes that year, and speaking of that, as you can obviously guess, this has been re-posted to coincide with the new Halloween movie. Hope you enjoy!

My friend was in this movie. She has exactly 4 seconds of screen time and because of that I had to see this in theaters

Fun fact: "Desolation" Williams was originally meant to be Snake Plissken from Escape from New York, but the studio said "no" and insisted that it would be a "better choice" to have Ice Cube play a new character. If the "Plissken script" was as bad as the finished product, I think Kurt Russell dodged a bullet here.

This whole film screamed "Studio Interference" and I believe this is what sparked John Carpenter's disillusionment with film making. This story just feels like stuff was forced in, after they started filming and they never had enough footage at the end for a cinema release so they tacked on rushed reshot scenes, like the framing device, to pad out the film's running time.

But lets not forget that the best movie about getting your ass to Mars is of course Total Recall

This movie is like a cross between DOOM and Jason X

You know that's really sad so far this is the closest thing we have had to faithful movie adaptation of Doom

Imagine if Snake Plissken had been the dangerous prisoner they had to pick up.

There are a few good Mars movies. Total recall for example. And The Martian.

That expression on decapitated Pam Grier's face "...time to get a new manager". And I thought simply chucking Michelle Yeoh's flopping corpse out into space in "Sunshine" was bad.

Guillermo del toro told the time he was having lunch with John Carpenter and told he how the thing, when it came out, was underappreciated and now is considered by many as one of the best horror films and John replied "what the @#$& good does that do me". So yeah I kinda believe the statement that he kinda hates movies

1:31 I think I'm better off forgetting about Mars Needs Moms.

It’s usually the great directors who’ve ended their careers on crap. Hitchcock, Romero, Craven, and Carpernter retired so he counts, unfortunately. Regardless, remember them for their greats.

The movie should've been called "Flashback"

Check out Ice Cube's history, he is actually a legit tough guy, even though, I agree, it doesn't really come through in his performances.

Oh look the proto Doom movie! because it actually looks like the Doom movie but with outdoors sets + Riddick's Pitch Black. Only think i liked about this movie was Ice Cube sleek camo pants, man those were quite cool back at that day and i really could loved to have one of those.

I actually enjoy Ghosts Of Mars too much to hate it. It's very stupid but it's also highly entertaining and incredibly fun to watch. I'd probably say Village Of The Damned, Memoirs Of An Invisible Man, and The Ward are all worse Carpenter films than Ghosts Of Mars because those films are both bad and boring. This movie, however, is on fucking crack, and I love it. According to John Carpenter's biography, he intentionally made this movie very stupid, as he was trying to make a cheesy yet entertaining mindless action romp in the same style as Commando or Rambo: First Blood Part 2, one full of purposely dumb moments that were only meant to heighten the kick-ass "all guns blazing" sort of feel from the 80's. Many people didn't catch onto that and (for whatever reason) though the film was trying to be dead serious, with Carpenter later admitting he should've made the film more self-aware to let people in on the joke. I personally think he did a great job making a fun action film that's silly without being a fully-fledged comedy or spoof. It's certainly worth watching on a bad movie night, and I mean that in the best way.

Did “The Martian” break the curse? ( I know at the time this review was posted that movie wasn’t out yet)

It's Doom... it's literally Doom...

I've never seen the film but it seems a LOT of the issues with this could be solved in editing. It may be possible to cut this into something halfway decent.

13:24 It was one of the great speeches of all time. Concise, stayed on message. His oratory is more electrifying than any politician today

I have heard all the bad things about this movie and accept that it bombed at the box office. But I just love this sci-fi story to bits. It's one of those I get out and watch every now and then. I think it is a good kick arse movie and loved the climatic ending on the train etc. I have to say it is very underrated.

I loved this film, but I do understand it is a cinematic failure, I like it cause I like how it’s a b movie monster flick.

This film hits hard for me, as my hair started to go the same way as Statham's at exactly the same time! I only come here to remember those days when I was transitioning (debating whether to buy a shaver or a baseball cap?).😉🇬🇧

Jesus, the Saw movies had less flashbacks than this!

I like escape from L.A. , but I thought it was too complicated to understand maybe that’s the reason a forgotten memory in John Carpenters career, still I give my best too him.

So first Ice Cube tried to play a character similar to Riddick in Pitch Black, and then starred in the terrible xXx sequel. Is he envious of Vin Diesel or something? P.S. I know Ghosts of Mars is absolute horseshit from beginning to end, but I'll give it one point for the main theme that plays during the opening credits. Like all the themes Carpenter composes himself, it's quite good; it's just a shame the rest of the film's score is loud, boring noise.

This was originally written as Escape from Mars w Snake Plissken but the studio wanted ice cube instead of kurt Russell ......

Fun fact: "Vampires" was based on a right-leaning series of novels under the umbrella of "Vampire$" and while I'm not going to say THAT'S why it's sexist (because Carpenter could've just...cut that stuff out), it definitely explains why it's there to begin with.

Are you gonna make new BMBDs ?

Escape from LA also has a lot of bad CGI, something which Carpenter is uncomfortable with. Jason Statham is always watchable for me and would have been much better than Ice Cube in the lead, but it wouldn't have made it much better. 13:19 Lol

If they were going to make a matriarchal society shouldn't the film have been set on Venus?

1:35 - "We can safely assume Mars is cursed". Little did we know that when Ridley Scott was watching this review, he thought to himself "You know what, fuck it! I'm gonna completely butcher my own franchise in a few years anyway, so I might as well break this Mars curse so people won't COMPLETELY hate me." 18:04-18:15 - A group of scientists and archaeologists on Mars accidentally unleash an evil force that either kills people on sight or possesses them and transforms them into demons? You know, it's really sad when this of all things is a better Doom movie than the actual Doom movie. Sadly, I doubt even Dwayne Johnson would've been able to save it. 20:00 - You were right to put this disclaimer in, Film Brain, because people today have gotten so stupid that they wouldn't be able to recognize a joke even if the Three Stooges themselves hit them in the face with a pie. 25:34 - Look at that smile. That is the smile of a person who is coked out of their mind. And I can't say I blame her because if I were stuck in this shitty movie I'd also be in dire need of some drugs. 26:07 - That he is. Unfortunately, this movie is no Halloween or The Thing.

It's good that you're uploading the old stuff. I wish MikeJ would do the same.

I rented this as a teenager. Even back then I remember the hammy acting and cheap looking sets.

This is more like DOOM than any of the actual DOOM movies.

Ice Cube:"There's little green men this big out here?" XD

What's really frustrating is that of the typical kinds of organizations for action flicks, law enforcement is the most likely to have nonlethal equipment, and there could be some really distinct fight scenes if you leaned into the narratively established need to incapacitate instead of kill.

Oh yeah I remember this review this was fun

6:38 you know... Jason Statham could have made for an interesting Lupin the 3rd if they made a live action movie back when this came out. And Jean Reno as Jigen. 13:12 "Over the hill, Jerico finds a set for a movie being directed by a director that is "over the hill".

if Mars becomes livable we have ghost of mars

This film was bad, not so bad its good but just bad. Pity it had really good soundtrack with Anthrax, Steve Vai, Robin Finck, Buckethead playing together. Goddamn supergroup wasted on a movie like this.

Will there ever be new BMBs? Just asking for a friend.

"Officer these aren't illicit drugs! I just love pez."

How did he hold that can with no thumb? 😄

Mr. Film Brain, isn’t it sad that LEGO came up with a better Mars story than the shitty Mars movie you reviewed in this video?

I was confused on why people hated this when I was younger. Now I understand because it's stupid.

Love the Rap Critic cameo!

Was that Steve Tyler playing the BIG DADDY VILLIAN. It must be his name even sounds like a song hed write.

I liked Mission To Mars, I haven't yet seen Red Planet but I want to. The ULTIMATE "Going To Mars" movie is the original Total Recall. This is one John Carpenter movie I will avoid!

Ice cube as the Desolation Man hahaha!

I appreciate the disclaimer. I might otherwise have made some bitterly brutal accusations. /sarcasm. Love your show(s)!

This is basically a bad space version of the hills have eyes.

Considering this and The Ward were John Carpenter's last theatrical films, at least he didn't end up directing Darkchylde. That would've been hella bad.

Does the movie ever explain why it took the martian ghosts like a 100 years to emerge, and only in this small town? Or why they cannot just possess our heroes and then the movie would be over? :D

Don’t forget DOOM....that was also a shitty Mars movie.

The mutants are pretty funny to watch though in this.

Has anyone already pointed out that the air could be safe to breathe and have almost enough oxygen... that would make having well-functioning lungs like having poorly functioning lungs, if you've ever seen someone who has an oxygen tank but only needs to use it after they've exerted themselves instead of all the time sort of thing

Yes... taking some drugs at some times with certain music playing and certain posters in your line of sight can make things appear. Knowledge Is Power 🤪

I like John carpenter sure he started to run out if steam but I don't think his career is over its just sometimes when you wanna improve on perfection you ruin it and you can't win all the crowds if it was like this movie you can't have all masterpieces either so I wish carpenter wouldn't have tried to improve on his ideas most of his movies I like by the way

Review they live and species.

Possession martians is just mysterons and nobody shall convince me otherwise

I do feel bad for Carpenter though , since his career is officially over with, I say he’s 1 of the directors out there right next to Ridley Scott.

Fuck! Statham with hair! Wwwwoaw!

I’m surprised Jason Statham was in a horror film.

Ironic that the only good film about Mars is Capricorn One from the seventies whose astronauts don't actually go to the planet.

It was a reworking of an escape from Mars, a snake plisskin since escape from la was a bomb he rewrote it to this crap

11:47 Actually, I was thinking this movie feels an awful lot like Carpenter recycled Assault on Precinct 13 by way of a sci-fi knockoff of Horror Express, a vastly superior film about a body-hopping alien killer aboard a train. (EDIT) 15:06 ...Oh. Ha, I should wait until the review is finished before posting. But no, this isn't that different from Carpenter's Vampires; with all the pointless weak misandry-fascism bullshit shoehorned into it (the constant reminders that women are in command yet are also astonishingly incompetent is the cinematic equivalent of a "woman driver" joke) you'd think Convicted Felon Dinesh D'Sousa was behind the camera. You know the movie is truly fucking awful because even the "red pill" clowns don't like it.

I ain't afraid of no Ghosts of Mars! The just make me very angry.

“Returned minus their careers” ok folks, that’s a wrap.

5:33 I wouldn't worry about that too much, considering that very few people seem to remember Shining Time Station, sadly.....

This is one of those films that i know is terrible, but i can not help but like it.

What's funny to me about this review if the fact that a similar framing device was used in Annihilation earlier this year... but there it actually worked, and in doing so, showed the flaws in this movie's misuse of the framing device to be even more glaring. It's a shame this movie is so terrible.

I just think this is a fun movie. Plus, he didn't end his career on this, he's working with David Gordon Green on that new Halloween trilogy, along with his music career. Speaking of, the soundtrack to this one is awesome.

Can you look at Godzilla Planet of the Monsters???????

I liked this movie actually.

The Martian was pretty good.

This movie actually had potential....great atmosphere/setting, Sexy Henstridge/ statham, and I LOVED the appearance of the main villain...BUT the stupid boss fight, plot, plot holes, and ice cube as a tough guy ruined it. They would of been better off making Statham Ice Cubes character.

Rap Critic voice cameo FTW!

"Mars is cursed" lol. What are the odds?

Ghosts of Mars was a good movie .. Was very original

AWESOME!!!

The movie "The Angry Red Planet" might be the only good one of mars , dunno.

I really don't see your problem. Carpenter is clearly paying homage to the Uwe Boll school of film-making.

How in hell could you mention Henstridge and NOT refer to her as “That chick from ‘Species’” at the beginning?!

It was supposed to be be the third part Carpenter's Escape films, but LA's bombing at the Box Office ended that. He was required by contract though to still make this film and rewrote it removing Snake and making other changes. It was a flawed film from the start and one you can tell carpenter did not want to do.

one rare film of Big John i don't like..

Poor Natasha Henstridge, either she's in crappy movies or someone like Brett Ratner is making her uncomfortable.

I actually liked it 🤣

Was this Marilyn Manson’s movie debut?

Ghost of mars I Called It Ghost of Shit.

Reavers cool

This was not as tedious as "The Da Vinci Code", but it was still very dull. I can remember nothing about it. "The Martian" was a very good film about Mars. Not all Mars films are dross.

I hate the word Terraforming so much, it makes no sense etymologically. Mars is a terrestrial planet, how do you terraform a planet that already has terrain? Not to mention terra means dirt/solid ground, not plants and water. The word should be Floraform, because that's what people mean when they use terraform anyway. It comes from people thinking terra is the word for Earth, while ignoring earth is also the word for ground😭👌

I always wondered just what pills Carpenter was taking while making this film. I'm a fan of his but this movie sucked harder then a super charged Hoover

I watched this when I was a young teenager. It was too badass for me to dislike it. 😂

Film brain you ever seen stranded with Christian slater

"These are my compadres, Uno, Dos y Tres", that is some lazy writing xD

Late Carpenter just didn't FEEL like Carpenter to me. Every film he made between 76'-88' is distinctly a John Carpenter movie just by the look and sound during that era. After They Live I wouldn't have known I was watching a Carpenter film without looking at the box. Even the best of his during the 90's still doesn't have the voice he brought to his earlier films.

2:15 - Vampires was trash. Not only was the misogyny through the roof, it was homophobic, and the main character was insufferable. It was like if you took all the elements of a potentially good movie and then gave it to some utter shitstain to direct. I still can't believe JC's name is on it. As for Ghost of Mars, I saw it once and forgot EVERYTHING about it until I came to your review. The possessed people all look hilariously unscary. Also 18:47 - Yuck.