Be A Man: Joe Ehrmann at TEDxBaltimore 2013 

"On the death bed all you recognize is that life is about relationships"..Whether you agree with this TEDx talk or not, that statement is powerful.

This is a powerful lecture. I sat with my father who was dying from pancreatic cancer - it was in the 1970s and I was 15. My dad was a highly decorated WWII and Korean veteran. He was a great soldier - not such a good father or husband. My father was the epitome of what a man was supposed to be for his generation. As he was dying I experienced one of the most profound and life-changing moments of my life Mr. Ehrmman sums it up perfectly. He confessed his shortcomings to come to a place of peace before his died because when people are dying, the only things that matter are love and relationships.

At the very end for us men, IT IS about relationship and what we stood up for in our life: "Commitment to a cause.. from your heart". This message is so true. Everybody talks about manhood but few can really grasp and explain the reality. Great Talk!

Great talk Joe Ehrmann, thank you. As a mom of two boys, and a girl, this hits home.

All I can say is...it's about time. Thank you Joe.

Thank you so much for this. I was just talking with a girl that was telling me how i am not a man, because i am too sensitive and i cry too much. It's sad that the society we live in is this way.

I work in jail with hard men and gang members. The majority of my clients have grown up in broken homes with abuse and drug addiction. I believe that the nurturing, protective part of "manly men" is innate; that is, it's there to some degree or another in just about all males. Putting this "macho" trait aside for a moment, I believe that it is critical to the healthy psychological growth of young men to be able to articulate (verbalize) their feeling and to have these feelings validated by other men. The speaker is spot on. Our culture encourages men to suppress all emotions other than joy and anger, as they are considered weak and unacceptable. Mr. Ehrmann forgot another thing that makes for the development of an interesting, intelligent, and well-adjusted man (or even woman): The ability to listen to a brave, heartfelt speaker and, instead of making simplistic, moronic statements about not having any "balls", actually having an open mind and considering the possibility that he might have a point.

This message should be heard by nearly every man I know.

Beautiful. This man totally knows what it means to be a man. It's all about love and to be of service to the world !

I really appreciate Ehrmann''s core definition of masculinity. As I understand it, it's not about "emoting" but about integrating all aspects of self and bringing the fullness of oneself into our relationships.

As a female, it's very insightful to hear a man understand the socialization of men, as Joe does. I will share this with men I know and love.

You reached me. I have masked my emotions since childhood. I take pride that I haven't cried in years. My father used to make fun of my brother for crying when he was 16. I have been thinking about emotions for a while now. I have a hard time making friendships, I am kind of anti social. I believe I need change myself; show more emotions.

Thank you for this talk. It was amazing! I was always bullied for not being athletic, liked hunting, knew how to use tools, etc. I'm still bullied for being a student nurse but I know most men would not be able to stomach sitting next to a dying person when they had no family at their side. I know my abilities are specifically tough, but I know I can do most things men wouldn't be able to admit to.

Joe Ehrmann's message can change our country and our world for the better. Without doubt!

I watched this video for my sociology assignment in school today, and I have to say that it was so well spoken. This video should be played in every high school across America.

Separating the head from the heart is the greatest tragedy. Very powerful.

I absolutely agree with this man, 100%!

One of the best things of TED Talks is that most - if not all - videos have subtitles, including English. This makes the video accessible for people who don't speak English and also for the deaf and hard of hearing, like myself. I know this is an independently organized TED event, but I would be great if it had English captions too. And that's for most of the TEDx Talks, actually. I don't think many of them have subtitles, and that's a pity.

I've never seen something describe the past 20 years of my life so perfectly.

I think this is particularly timely after the shooting at UCSB. If men think that being a man is about physical dominance and bottling emotions some frightening things can happen. I'm thankful to have learned finally at 44, being a man and a good person is about the relationships you have and being open to what you are feeling. When you are on your deathbed will you wish you had worked more and had more money or wished you had spent more time with the people you care about laughing, living and having fun? No one even has to think about it to answer that question. Everyday is an opportunity to let the people you love know that you care, an opportunity to listen and not talk, to empathize and not judge. Good Tedtalk thanks, Joe.

The only time I tell my boy to stop crying,is when trying to explain a point of why he is being punished or trying to explain why he feeling the pain he is feeling. Not so he hides it but he can see it relatively clearly what a situation is. It's to help him find that balance between emotion and logic. I'm proud to say I've never stunted his emotional expression on the basis of "him acting like a girl" and he should man up.

AWESOME. Absolutely spot on. Will be sharing this with a whole bunch of my mates.

Manhood cannot simply be defined with one or two characteristics. Real men do cry. Real men don't cry. Real men know when they need their friends. Real men know when to stand alone. Real men know when to show their emotions. Real men know when it's not time for that. Real men share the burden. Real men know when they have to bear that burden alone. Manhood is like a diamond. There are numerous angles, facets, characteristics, sizes, and depths to manhood. Great talk!

This is one of the most brilliant talks I've ever seen; very powerful and thought provoking !

Joe Ehrmann, I wish every men would be like you. Thank you!

Wow, powerful talk!

this helped me yesterday to further my understanding me thank you all those involved

God bless this man. This is one of the most powerful videos on RU-vid.

Wonderful, thank you Joe, this is so important for men and boys and all of humanity! Great talk!

thank you Joe. your message just changed my life. i have always struggled to see men the way society paints us to be. i have feelings but no way to show them so thank you for outlining how destructive that is to my family.

I believe that to "Be A Man" means to rally and commit ourselves alongside the values and goodness which can benefit everyone, this is true even to consider our superfluous differences of "us vs them" tribalism.

I loved every minute of this. I've struggled with this idea of what a man should be and feeling like I don't measure up because I'm not macho, I cry, I feel, I'm not into cars, I'm not great at sports, etc etc. Thank you Joe for bucking the trends.

This is a great summary and very easy to relate to many experiences in my own life. Now, watching our kids grow up seeing many opportunities for making the world a better place.

I totally get that feeling sometimes when I try to describe a deep emotion to somebody. I can't come up with the words. I sit there for minutes at a time trying to say something but can't do it. Funny thing is, I can describe them for other people. But if it's me, I can't do it.

It’s 2023 and I found this video from a book called “the mask of masculinity”by Lewis howes and this speech is very inspiring. Being able to understand how man suffer in silence and how they don’t deal with emotions I hope later in life this changes ❤

I know what it takes to be a man. First you need to be as swift as a coursing river. Next you need a force of a great typhoon with the strength of a raging fire. Be as mysterious as the dark side of the moon. And lastly, you need to defeat the Huns.

Best ted talk by far in my opinion

best talk i have found, truly educative.

Beautiful! Absolutely inspiring!! Respect!

I am so thankful for this message! Absolute truth!!!

Never be ashamed of your masculinity. Never be ashamed to be a man. Most importantly, never let anyone define masculinity for you, that is up to you alone.

Joe, our paths haven't crossed for awhile, so I was so very glad to come across this video. I enjoyed you presentation immensely. As always, Thanks for the lesson of what it truly means to "BE A MAN". God bless.

Thank you for this, Very clearly explained and something that has been imprinted in me after watching your video.. I don't have any kids as of now, but I'll sure Remeber this when raising my boys. It's a great message for a lot of people.. Thank you

Excellent. Where was this guy when I was 15?

This is brilliant. I wish it had more hits.

He nailed the point : Men are not inherently machist, sexist, chauvinist. That is a culture they have been grown up in to. For centuries. And it has been taught to them by fellow men and most women as well. It isn't easy for a society to get rid of such legacies. But Women, thanks to your commitment AND thanks to persons like Ehrmann, at least we are starting to get aware and consious about it. Things are going to change. It'll take time, but it's gonna change.

This guy's speech kinda made me well up. Hits close to home.

Simply AWSOME!! One of the best Talks Ive heard. Anyone who would respond with any negativity is simply "ignorant".

OMG! This was mind blowing! Thank you for this talk, this so helps me better understand boys and men.

This is very powerful and very inspirational

thank you for your bravery sir

Thank you so much for this message. . I am a young mom with 2 boys and 2 girls and before I had my son 16 years ago the last boy born in our family was 25 years previous. . so i never was around boys to much.. i was the tom boy of the family.. I have tried being married 4 times with the first time being 15 years old and they never work no matter how hard I try. . Mom has been married 7 times and mostly abusive, from emotional physical and even sexual to us girls and her.. it's amazing what i learned/understand and felt by this passage.... Thank you

Love this dude's voice. he could crush people with it.

Wow Joe Ehrmann!... The former All-Pro Defensive Tackle for the Baltimore Colts!... Powerful message coming from a guy like him.

Excellent Wisdom. Thank You Joe. Definitely sharing this one. : ))

This made me cry....because it is so true and that finally someone in the right place who gets it, has the voice to bring this message to the world.

Great redefinition of what it really means to "Be a man!"

Great video, great speech, great message, and great man! I came here after reading "The Season of Life" and man, this speech just summarizes his message in that book too. Although, it is genuinely sad how many of the guys in the comments here feel personally offended and how Joe's message is completely ignored or misinterpreted.

He may not speak as eloquently as some on Tedx Talks, but his message is clear and passionate. I agree wholeheartedly with him and I'm glad that someone was willing to stand up there and say something. If you liked this video too, check out "Reviving the lost art of Manliness" by Brett McKay it's what lead me here.

Totally Epic, Compulsory Viewing, Thank You So Much

Great talk. I agree with what Joe says.

So true and so awesome! powerful.

Thank you for being the first Ted talk ive seen to equate happiness and perpose with having children.

drop the mic! Ehrmann for President 2020

This is one if my all time favorite ted talks and the documentary "the mask you live in" is life changing!

Very clear and well spoken message.

I am so amazed by how many men on this thread are not intellectually adept enough to actually follow this man's line of reasoning. Great talk Joe.

5:22 - 5:59 Good to point out. Explaining the causes behind people's behavior + your view = forceful statement. B/c others could be convinced of their misdirections, seek a new route. Thank you Joe Ehrmann! Reading your book now btw.

This was powerful for me to hear. Even though I know these ideas in theory, it’s healing to hear another man affirm them with conviction.

Thank you SO much for sharing this video!

Alexithymia "comes from the fact that when we were 5-6 years old, we were told to stop with the emotions, stop with the feelings, never given permission to emote, to develop a vocabulary, to even name our feelings." --> Citation needed.

I coach HS lacrosse and I how this video to all of my young men at the beginning of the season.

Thanks, he makes being a man a joyous thing!

There is no bigger satisfaction than strong relationships. protecting and loving your loved ones. All comes down to family and friends.

best Ted talk I've heard so far! this hit so close to home

Thank you

WOW! Thank you!

Truth here is preached

I really like this talk. It might not seem a fluid like water other TED Talks, but it has great substance like pudding.

8:01 Boys that can't cry, shoot bullets. That is a powerfull phrase..

I agree, this is very interesting and moving.

I am so glad. This should be shared by all

I realized in watching this my first art was the expression of the words I can not or could not find all my life. still today I found the complexity of the pictures has improved but some of the things i see are not as simple as what i thought i saw in the present

Excellent!!

Excellent! :-) Thank You For This Joe!

thank you God bless

Great talk!!

So glad to have gone to this show.. Ehrmann really surprised me with the intelligence and stage presence that he was able to hold. Loved the crazy black lady, too.

I really needed to hear this

This is a far better definition than the definition that floats around at the minute which boils down to 'don't be a woman'

Powerful.

Witnessed Joe speak in the early 2000’s - his message is one I wish every boy and man could hear. The messages being shared with the public by media and how that has shaped all of our minds subtly to influence what we believe that it means to “be a man”. How those messages take away from men and boys in terms of connection and experience. Wish I could have recorded his impactful speech then to have shared with all of my family and friends up until now - might that have been annoying of me to play it for all that would allow it -probably- would it have potentially changed mindsets and influenced lives of those that I loved enough to share that with - absolutely. Check out his book, buy it for all of your sons, fathers, boyfriends, women in your lives and sneak it into your local libraries;)

Emotions drive human beings. We don't override them. Emotions are not inferior to reason. They are more powerful. We either acknowledge and identify or they rule our behavior unconsciously. I think it's a false paradigm to have to choose between emotion and reason. I think that is what I came away with from Ehrmann's TED Talk. The issue is complex and the time is brief. Overall, he was effective in getting a conversation started.

Loved it...right on time. I was going to give up on men, now I understand them more and their deficiencies.

Excellent presentation.

Great video!

just amazing

amazing speech!

Amen brother. The ridiculous comments on this video show exactly how right this man is. I'm amazed by just how many people missed his point. He's not telling men to cry all the time about everything. He's saying young boys shouldn't be told not to cry because it leads to them turning into men like so many of the ones commenting. Complete idiots who feel threatened by feminism and think money and sex are the ultimate point of life. It's pathetic.

Thanks I am a man. A man lives out of the fullness of there hearts