The art of being yourself | Caroline McHugh | TEDxMiltonKeynesWomen 

My mom always said, “if you only knew how little time people everyday spend thinking about you, you would stop worrying about it”.

One of the best days of my life was when I realized people aren't really paying attention to me all the time

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking about yourself less" So many people need to hear this beautiful line 💙✨

41, got fired 8 months ago, still have no job, rediscovered myself, feel happy as never have been. Bless you all!

"Most of us don't take up nearly the space the universe has intended for us."==> THAT. RIGHT. THERE.

"People who are afraid to be themselves, will work for those who aren't afraid"

“I’m never the center of attention. You’re the center of Mine.” Love this.

I listen to Ted Talks everyday, and I can honestly say this is one of the best. I think I'll listen to this on again. Thank you for this. My Grandmother always said to me, me. People don't think about others as much as you think. They are way to busy thinking about themselves to be thinking about you. What others think about you DOES NOT MATTER. It's what you think about yourself that matters.

Did anyone else think about how that outfit is EVERYTHING?!!?

lets pause the speech and just embrace her fuckin SWAGG!!!!

I'm so happy that when I was 29, a single mother and attending college for the first time, I decided, I was tired of being someone's daughter, sister, mother, wife and I decided to find out who I am, what I me personally like. I wasn't always easy, but as I found myself, I became happier. I am 56 now, I had decided back then, I don't care what other's think of me, and I taught myself to realize in the grand scheme of things, I am more important to myself than I am to anyone one else. I learned to love myself, worry less about what someone might be thinking about me and I am happy. I taught myself to say, who cares what they think, they don't pay my rent or bills.

I was born a naturally friendly child. My mother told me stories where I would talk to any person at the beach as a little girl. This part of me they tried to change to protect me from strangers. Only I still talk to anyone. I still have the gift of gab. That’s who I am. I’m a sociable soul and I attract others to me that enjoy my personality. I was born to communicate with others it’s my gift. I’m also a natural born singer. Singing gives me great joy but I hide that part of me because I want perfection. I was meant to be a singer I’ve always thought but maybe I was just supposed to be a communicator and sing for my own personal pleasure.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.” - Amazing

I can't believe the audience aren't laughing more, she has a wicked sense of humour

This is the most beautiful talk I've ever watched. Such rich lessons, such a soothing tone. And she looks stunning. One can see her life is her message alright. I'm really grateful for all the plataform/channel/everyone that made possible for a girl in Brazil with a cellphone on her hand to receive this amount of wisdom from a stranger. Thank you.

I love her sense of humor. Seems like the crowd is asleep or too damn serious about this.

She's definitely one of the teachers from the Defence Against the Dark Arts courses

"I'm not the center of attention, you're the center of my attention." That's going to change the way I look at everything.

This talk hit so much harder when I realized she was speaking to a group of young girls under 12!!! It fills my heart to think of the impact this had on the girls in the room that day. 🥰 not to mention everyone else who has come across it since! Very powerful speech. 😊💖🙏🏼 Edit: it was pointed out that she wasn't actually speaking to a group of young girls after 12, and upon listening again it was clear that she wasn't. 😊 In the beginning of the speech I assumed it was a group of adults so her comments that made that clear didn't register deeply as they were expected. Then the way she worded that part near the end about them becoming 12 and 13 sounded like she was speaking to people who were not yet at that point. It seems she was talking about the past but the way it was worded was easy to misconstrue. Regardless, I'm sure some 12 year olds have watched this since then, and it would be a great talk to show to them! And whatever age, this is a very valuable perspective to listen to. 🥰

I am still looking for myself, even after 54 years. I unexpectedly cried a few times during this exceptional talk. I have finally found the way to find me. I am saving this forever and will watch it many times. I can now focus and begin to sort myself out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

Why is no one is talking about how beautiful her voice is and how well she articulated everything? I feel so calm after listening to her. I could listen for hours it seems like. Of only she had an audio book or something.

“From the age seven you become less good at being yourself” so true

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. you need to accept yourself.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Part of being yourself is choosing to do what makes you happy even if it doesn’t lead you to success by social standards

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.” Btw your jacket is fire 🔥🔥🔥

her voice and her accent are so soothing

Her authenticity is out of this world. I am simply blown away by how in depth she knows her subject Absolutely phenomenal!

i learnt soo much i swear here is the list: “Best way to keep being yourself is to proactively cut the world out and be self interested””interiority” “ Your only job is to be good at being you” “He that does not see the essence in my originality is not deserving of me” “You are already different your job is to figure out how and then be more of that” “Get your ego to work for you, not you working for” “We are all sleeping working and waiting for something to wake us up” for me my career “People are not interested in you they are interested in what you can give me” “ a wise word can become a burden to those who don’t fully understand it”- When things are important you only have one shot at it just like the movies with important mission. Your life is the same you have only one shot once you blow it it’s over there is no do over. Mission failed

“Everybody has their own strength and their own queendom. Mine could never compare to hers, and hers could never compare to mine.”

"people who are frightened to be themselves, will work for those who arent afraid." that really struck a note with me...

This is one of the Ted Talks that I rewatch over and over again. What an inspiring woman she is.

"you're job is to be as good at being YOU".... beautiful. inspiring. flourishing.

I have to say... this woman has a wonderful message. Also, her sense of style is impeccable.

"I'm not the center of attention... you're the center of mine" daymnnn... mindblown.

I keep coming back to watch this video in different phases of my life. And I learn something new each time. So much wisdom packed into one video.

My Mother has always told me just be yourself. I know realize how important it is, how precious she is. Thank you Mom.

I know this was released years ago and no one's going to see this, but i'm 13 and I feel so fortunate to have found this. I'm struggling to understand myself and my feelings and who I am, and this is really really helpful. It reminds me of something my uncle said, something along the lines of "the things you need most come from yourself and only yourself". I rejected it at the time, but now I know it's true. I want to be myself and not an impersonation of what I think people will like, and I know it won't be easy, but it's one of the things I think the universe wants everyone to do no matter where they are. If anyone's reading this, I hope they can recognize themselves for who they truly are and be as individualistic as they can. goodbye edit: I can't believe how many responses I got. I thought no one would read this and it would just be something i'd look back on, but thank you all very much for your kind words. I'm more motivated now than ever! thank you so much.

If you are reading this, i wish you the best in life :)

My mom would always say whenever I was grouchy & moody growing up..."you are only as big as things that bother you". I have never forgotten that wisdom and since then, I was not bothered by insignificant stuff like gossips, fake news or drama. People can never tell if my heart was braking in pain or filled with love and peace. Nobody is privilege to see me cry. Not when I buried my parents. I loved my mother very, very much. She had 11 children, every night she helped us with our homeworks when I was in school. She graduated in music major in piano but the was an excellent mathematician, and fluent in English, Spanish, Ilonggo, Aklanon and Tagalog. Her IQ was 142 and she was considered genius. She knew a lot because she read most of her waking hour and she has a photographic memory. Everyone in our hometown people loved my mother. She was well known in our hometown as an intellectual individual that made a wrong choice. Wrong choice because she married my father who was totally worthless, God forgive me. I'm just saying the truth. May he rest in peace but that doesn't change the fact that he was totally worthless, but okay, R.I.P. but my mother was a saint, sacrificed, suffered from my cruel father and other siblings that were drunkards. I remember seeing my mother on her knees praying almost everynight for the safety of my siblings who were always out and drunk. When I saw the pain caused by alcohol & drugs, it had a strong impact on me. That's why I never smoke, drink or do drugs. Because I witnessed what it did to my mother that never smoke, drink alcohol or drugs .. but what alcohol did to her 6 children who are alcoholics was ruined and this broke my mother's heart. It pained to see her children and grandchildren having severe difficulty in life even basic needs like food & shelter. of my mom

"Since that day, I have never been the center of attention. You're the center of mine. And that a very different feeling." She dropped this 👑👑👑 I'm a teacher and in my teens I was the shyest person you could imagine and the very thought of speaking in public TERRIFIED me. Even speaking to people in general 🙂 Now I sometimes speak at international conferences, which is just mind-blowing to me. Because of my job, I had to make myself learn the "thinking of youself less" advice just so as not to freak out when I'm with different people lol This talk really resonated with me and the speaker is amazing ✨

“I’m not the center of attention, you’re the center of mine”

“People who are afraid to be themselves work for people who aren’t afraid to be themselves”‼️‼️‼️‼️ wow

Thank you for making this speech. It reminds me of my younger age when I dared to dream to be anything. When I was confident enough to raise my hand every time the teacher asked a question or gave us a chance to ask. It's different now. I am shy, I am afraid, and sometimes I feel that my question is so so and no need to be asked. So I will try to remember my childhood experience, I will take the spirit from it, and make it my power to face the world. Thankyou.

I discovered this gem a couple years ago and have been listening to it on and off since. Each time feels like a therapy session and a motivational speech and it gives me the strength to keep pushing on. Much love to the speaker for giving us this gift of a talk.

Such a liberating way of thought. "Mine could never compare to her's and her's could never compare to mine". Someone else's greatness is not an absence of yours.

So in conclusion, to be yourself is to acknowledge your weaknesses and strengths, and accept them, appreciate them, embrace them, and cultivate them. You enjoy someone's advantages rather than seeing it as a threat to your flaws. You don't compare because you know that life is not all about you, you're not the center of other's mind, you just simply live life doing your work and being happy with your relationship with others. Edit: you're welcome;)

I just WANT TO GIVE EVERYONE THIS TALK !! What a gift to us all. Thanks be that you Caroline, recognized who you truly are! I saved this from when first read heard it in 2017. Here it is 2024 abd I am relistening and sending it out to others, yet again ( I am a retired MCC level ICF Coach) ! ❤

I love her. the way she talks, what she's saying, the way she holds herself... Magnificent.

Great speech, but can we also talk about how amazing her outfit is? It’s iconic

I just want this woman to follow me around and give me slightly insulting but well intended advice! She seems good at it.

The Beauty of Freedom is Immeasurable The Satisfaction of Dignity is Divine You Do Not Need to be Someone You Are Not JUST you are FINE The world Needs You Because There is Only One You And Only You Can Be You, Like You Do LOVE from Cappadocia!

Addicted to TEDx and finally found my favorite speaker! Love her presentation! What a great guide to find who I really am. Glad I wasn't a wrinkly before I found this. Thank you, Ms. McHugh.

Oh, my mom gave practically that same advice, Go, no one will look at you... they are too much interested in themselves. This was excellent!

She reminds me of “the ancient one” from Dr. Strange

I've been watching this video for years! Every time I realize something new, first time I had no kids, now I have 2. And hearing her speaking now was like listening to her for the first time ❤️❤️❤️

This was so beautiful. I wrote down a lot of messages. I almost sobbed when she showed the pictures of those leaders because they are the living proof of what is possible. Their entire life speaks to the power of what is possible and as a spiritual being, everything that is possible is also possible for me.

"When you're a kid - you don't know how to disguise your Different-ness" BOOM - Truth Bomb.

My favourite moment was when she told the story of when she refused to sing, because she’s feeling shy for everyone will be looking at her. Her mother said, “Don’t flatter yourself darling. You think everybody’s interested in you, they’re not. Your job is to make them happy.” And when she said, “Since that day I’ve never been in the center of attention. You’re the center of mine”.

Caroline, you are a gift to humanity. Thank you for this amazing talk, and helping me to find myself. I really appreciated the line: "I have spectacular disregard for where my abilities end and spectacular disregard for being the center of attention. In fact, I have never been the center of attention. You’re the center of mine." That is a powerful line. A beautifully constructed speech.

Her voice is so soothing. I feel so relaxed

"We all have our own thing, that's the magic. That everybody comes with their own sense of strength and their own queendom. Mine could never compare to hers and hers could never compare to mine." I love this so much.

In this area I feel quite gifted with autism. My autism prevents me from being able to pretend to be someone else, or to even want to be someone else. It's just not a thing I can think and thought that's made my life hard in some ways (bullying mostly) I'm glad to have the gift of authenticity.

This was a gorgeous talk through and through. So well out together and down to earth to the core. It was grounding.

THE APPLAUSE WASNT LOUD ENOUGH! This was amazing

I feel so blessed and privilege to find the time to listen to this. Even as the whole world is going into shock about the CODIV-19. I struggle to find balance and stability personally. thank you so much Caroline McHugh.

When she said about the definition of humility, not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. That's probably something that'll stick in my mind for a while. Thank you ;)

I listen to this at least once a year every year since it was published. Forever grateful.

"Since that day I have never been the center of attention. You're the center of mine, and that's a very different feeling." Thank you so much for this advice, definitely changed my point of view!!

I felt like I was just lectured by a Jedi master. That was awesome.

" You already different. Your job is to figure out how, and then to be more of that." It came to me as if on cue.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” ― CS Lewis

She talks wonderful. A great public speaker with impactful content.

This talk exposed so much of my internal insecurities

" Humility is not to think less of yourself but to think of yourself less." So true. To be less self-conscious is to be more conscious of the self.

I knew I was going to love this from the moment I set my eyes on her clothes. No one who is disconnected to themselves would be able to be bold with such simplicity. This video has inspired me in many ways

This is easily the best ted talk I’ve ever heard. No cap. Absolute gorgeous stuff. None of it felt pretentious and the balance she struck between an individual’s importance and his insignificance is what I needed so badly. I gained so so much from this talk.

❤ when you're at a point you can genuinely celebrate others victories you know you're being authentically yourself. You dont get upset they're better than you, you know you have your strengths & allow others theirs.

" People that say to you they have 15 years experience when they mean one year, 15 times "

Oh my her speech and selection of words, i am amazed and felt in love with her personality and wisdom

TEDx events embody the ethos of lifelong learning and curiosity. I'm continually impressed by the caliber of speakers and the depth of insights shared at these gatherings.

The supreme one giving ted talks while guarding the universe

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it’s best, day and night, to make you like everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight ,and never stop fighting.” - E.E. Cummings

Just a tip if you’re interested: to fully convey your life’s message, use more examples of yourself & your experience when explaining, using famous people can help us understand because we’ve already heard of them, but too many examples of other people might divert from the actual message at hand, to be your own you, and it helps to hear your own words of it- it shows that you have understood and realised it in your life which in turn helps us to do so as well. Anyways you really shined- I could feel your energy through the screen and it was wonderful- not many people can do that, so keep doing all that you’re doing!

This is certainly the best TED talks I've listened to so far. There are so many truths about oneself that needs to be focused on and comes with a good number of insights.

"I've never again been the centre of attention, you are the centre of mine, and that's a very different feeling" - wonderful, in a round about way a fantastic piece of advice.

“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am ” ― Thomas Cooley

I have watched this off and on for at lest five years. She is brilliant.

So much richness and humanity in this talk--thank you

She looks like a time traveler that's been on a few tours and has seen things.

This was absolutely gorgeous. From outfit to attitude, pace and wise choice of words. Loved it.

This is the best ted talk i've ever watched. I'm sat in my living room crying because this video has resonated with me. Thank you Caroline x

I listened to this on my drive to and from the gym. It's beautiful. I am about to teach my students about interpersonal and intrapersonal communication, and I am going to start with this lesson! So amazing!

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, humility is thinking of yourself less."

Almost started crying when she said that one of the times when you're most like yourself is when you were a kid. I was so lively and fearless when I was younger. I loved everyone and believed I could do anything. Fast-forward to age 26 and I've become fearful of taking chances, quiet, reserved, and slightly bitter towards the world. I've always longed to be the original me and I thought I could find it by just pressing forward. But maybe I just need to look back to the times when I was myself. What I found amazing is she follows up with saying that those original moments are when we're younger and when we're older, but never in the middle. I find this sad, since we have both some wisdom and some strength and energy in our mid-years. And yet we never utilize that time to be authentic. When we're children we're bound by rules, social systems, guardians, and other problems--but we have the ideas and energy to make things happen. When we're elderly we have the wisdom and knowledge to make those things happen but not the energy or health. It makes me realize that I need to utilize ALL parts of my life and live the life I was created to live.

I've had this experience of being the true living image of myself. It has been a wonderful and fine experience. The problem with it is I felt incredibly vulnerable. If someone insults me or puts me down & I'm really myself, it can really hurt. If I'm just being the "identity" that my parents or other people have put on me, it doesn't hurt so much, because it's not really me they are insulting or putting down. Part of the answer must be figuring out how to deal with it when someone really does put me down when I'm really myself. It's rather inevitable that it will happen, because some people are really like that, and they go around putting people down. Realizing this is their stuff and figuring out how to react or relate to it can be important here.

I needed this this when I was 9, 10, 11, into my teens and again entering adulthood, thank God it is never too late. We enter in and out of so many eras of ourselves through life "this" we can utilize "this", again and again..

" be yourself.... everyone else is already taken " - Oscar Wilde

The sky doesn't call to others to show off the rainbow... And it doesn't apologize for the greyness of the clouds... The sky recognizes the impermanence of these things... The sky just is... Loved that...

Amazing. I have an audition soon, and seeing others as my center of attention, and "go out there and sing and make them happy" as my goal helps so much. May we all have the strength to do US. I will do my best to do Shoham.

Never tire listening to caroline. She's grace personified!!!