Be the Useful Person at a Funeral 

When my ex's father passed I appointed myself "coordinator". I collected phone numbers, set up an online site and posted maps and times to the mortuary, church and cemetery, listed nearby hotels, coordinated a rate with one of the hotels, and even volunteered transportation to anyone who wanted to attend any of the events and was in regular communication with everyone, all so my ex and her family could focus on arrangements and grieving. I did my absolute best to be the most useful person there. The amount of appreciation I received was immeasurable.

Only Peterson have u leave to the bathroom for a cry sesh then wipe away tears kids need smiles

My father always tried to get me to write more by saying it had something special. He passed last year just before I turned 25. For his funeral I wrote a speech. After my speech many attendees came to me and said my speech really helped them during the service. They called my speech something special. Now I know my vocation, but the price was very high and he never got to see me do it. I love you, dad.

How much better would we be if we heard Dr. Peterson’s messages at a younger age?

I don't want to debate people anymore I just want to learn

My siblings demanded their share of the inheritance when my dad was admitted to hospital. Both my parents were saddened by their entitlement behaviour. At my dad's funeral they all cried uncontrollably. Which is the opposite to how they acted while he was still alive. I was the only sibling who helped my dad everyday and night at the hospital and then at the nursing home. I did not shed a tear at the funeral as I was too busy organising things and attending to everyone's needs.

My mother's funeral was yesterday. While I wasn't very useful myself, all of my siblings worked hard to make everything work out beautifully, and each person in the entire extended family was a true hero. We all put aside our differences, and the outcome was just what my mother would have wanted. I'm proud of all of them and proud to be a part of our family.

My girlfriend died in her sleep a few weeks ago. My best friend and the love of my life. We were together for 4 years. In a few hours I’m going to her funeral and have a speech written. Not sure how I’m going to be the “useful person”. Not sure how I’m going to be able to speak. I wake up and scream and cry everyday. Strange this video comes out hours before the funeral

I "volunteered" to be the person in charge of the music at a mate's funeral. The person who was meant to do it pulled out the day before so I spent the whole of his funeral on my own, balling my eyes out in a tiny back room with nothing but a CD player, service instructions and a box of tissues. My job was to perfectly time songs to be played at certain points of the service which seemed a daunting task so I stayed up the whole night planning it out so I wouldn't mess it up. I also had to provide the actual music and blank CD to burn it onto which luckily enough I had both of lol. It went perfectly although I was a bit sad I wasn't able to be there in the chapel with the rest of the mourners to say my goodbyes, I was happy to have done my mate and his family some sort of service as a thank you for their friendship. It was a kind of honour as small a job as it was, some of those songs meant alot to me as they were "his" songs. "You'll never walk alone" Matthew.

++ At a funeral, I perceive that almost everyone is grieving…. In different ways and diff degrees……

I lost my Mom about six months ago to lung cancer. She was 62. Everything Jordan says here is 100% true and accurate. The wisdom that comes from such experience will make you stand taller afterward. I'm 30, and I wouldn't consider myself a genuinely mature person before having gone through that.

God is Good I learn so much from you sir. I thank The God of Israel for you and the wisdom he gave you.

*The future* belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. -Eleanor Roosevelt

I unfortunately failed at this miserably at my father’s death. I’ll be stronger at the next one ✊

Listening to people is most helpful. Requires self-sacrifice but brings peace. Everyone needs peace.

America would be a lot greater if everyone raised the standard of their problems.

95% of suffering is decided to exist

"BE the useful person at a funeral;" this is the Gospel Commission in shorthand. Christian messengers carrying the precious gospel of life are being useful persons at the funeral of rebellious humanity.

I was useful because I needed the distraction. 13 months between my Dad and Mom, it was almost impossible to not fall apart.

Again, Dr Peterson is spot on. Many of my immediate family members have passed on as well as in laws. I'm a "helper person" anyway, when I have gone to funerals, I have made a deliberate effort to listen to people, to talk far less than I usually do. I'm a talker, so, it takes real effort to do this. After leaving a funeral, it feels good to have consoled so many, no thought for myself, only for others.

"Turns out being a monster is the right thing." is funny how long I have been living as such without ever listening to these words before. To be strong enough to be standing after the storm is passing, but caring enough to be loving and vulnerable when the skies are blue. That's life's most graceful balance.

Back when my eldest sister died, it came to the part of the funeral where there was a line to shake our hands. Someone else there was saying how sorry for my loss he was and that I was probably grieving more than he was as her friend and coworker. What I said seemed to shatter his composure. "Grief isn't a competition. Grief is grief. We're all here to grieve the same person. You are allowed yours." People are always weirded out how I keep my composure on death. It makes them think I'm heartless at first. Until I say things like, "They loved us right? People don't wish self-imposed misery on their loved ones. Death is easy. Their pain is over. Living is hard. What kind of life do you want them to watch you live? Are they wanting to smack your stupid self upside the head? Or are they cheering for you right now? Give them a life worth watching." So far, I've lost a lot of people. 2 siblings, friends, all my grandparents, an ex, etc. That's why when loved ones deal with death... I'm the 1 they turn to most. I'm not going to sit here and tell them they can't grieve. But I will tell them they can't check out of being alive.

The stress of the "deathbed" I'm fine. It's the aftermath of when the stress is done, when things go back to "normal" I don't handle well. Mostly figured easy to get others through it but once that's done everything is just pure emptiness.

Thank you for your generous gift of sharing your wisdom on youtube. I am very grateful. Thank you!

Dear Jordan Peterson I’m proud of myself that despite my fathers continuing rejection of me in the last several years of his life and even on his deathbed - a couple of months before his illness I confronted him saying that I found it a tragedy that he was about to end his last days not having any contact with any of his three sons including myself - stepped up on the day and presented myself as my fathers first born to all of the guests (many I didn’t know) and held the first speech which contained of my last deep and sincere correspondance with my father. Thanks for your inspiration. It’s me in the light blue suit (my father loved bright colours and the sun was shining and the whole was held outside in the most beautiful landscape) and in the end before he was driven away I played the song he many years before (before he rejected me) mentioned as his wished for his funeral.

Find strength in God. That's what helped me stay strong at my father's funeral last Spring.

Mr Peterson please review the teachings of Socrates again

This one has always hit me hard

How many of us replay these videos how many times bless you Jordan the pops we never had

As a life long farmer and volunteer fireman I have had a long term fascination or interest in chaos. We will all face chaos at some point; it is an inevitable part of being human. The part I choose to dwell on is the process of solving and fixing the chaos and some of the thought processes that we were have been shown in various courses we undertook in the emergency services were of great help in guiding oneself and others out of the chaos step by step. A disciplined order of thinking is a good place to start ; where am I at? Situation awareness, being informed. Then a plan, starting with , what are the courses open to me? What are the courses open to the chaos? Where do I aim to be in one hour from now, in eight hours from now , in twenty four hours etc. Many of us would do these things automatically without thinking too much about it but I believe having an ordered thought process is a better way to approach the problem. It will certainly help off-set the head-in-the-sand , crawl under the Doona response that happens to some people in a crisis.

I said to the widow ‘you’re husband was gross.’ She replied ‘thanks, that means a lot….’

These classroom lectures are absolutely my favorite part of your body of work! So much love and respect for you, Dr, P! Thank you!!

If the person deceased was a positive influence in your life and a decent person then go to the funeral and do your bit but otherwise don’t wast your time

nah imma be the guy asking "whats the wifi password"

Jordan...if you had a set, you would address the real cause....it is our Gov. leadership.

For many years since the death of my mother I've been the "diplomat" of the family. I'm the one everyone can communicate freely with, the one who listens, the one who has proven his mettle though that tragedy and all the ones that followed when my family's unity disintegrated. Only in the last few years while dealing with my aging and ailing father does the rest of my family, especially my siblings, realize just how much I've contributed. Their eyes are being opened as to who I've become and how I honor my mother and father by being the person who does what needs to be done.

If you can't sustain somebody else through crisis (which is your social obligation), how can you help yourself in the same way? So it's a good place to start being self-reliable. Then when a crisis hits person A, the social environment can do a lot for Person A, but if Person A doesn't carry some of the load or take the given help, nobody can help them. When you need to evacuate somebody from outdoors who can't walk by themselves, the rescue becomes far more complicated.

So many golden nuggets in this video. Thanks for sharing 👍🏼

My mom had to fly across the country when my grandmother was on her last days. My grandfather decided that while they were going through the divorce and on her death bed was the right time to start drama. She was in a coma. She had made her final wishes morbidly clear. My mom was medical next of kin and had to make all the decisions. When someone is having the worst day of their life can you be the one that helps them stand because it is the right thing to do?

When my brother died, I was surprised that his son or none of my older siblings had the courage to give a eulogy. I felt they were putting their own feelings ahead of taking the opportunity to share publicly at an important event the role he played in their life. So I, as the youngest of the 6, did the eulogy and will never have regrets for that. A funeral or memorial is as important an event as any other in a person's life and they deserve to be recognized.

7:06

Lots of gov in power makes it no mystery about misery.

poor mr. p. can't seem to take his own advice.

Man this had me in tears lost my dad last year 3rd daughter looking at me no fear

Being a monster never is the right thing, for me.

I was given the privilege of sharing about my dad and I called out all the hypocrites - just speaking the truth of God They never honoured him in his life on earth but they came to pay their respects and my mom- kept giving me ‘the look’ and wasn’t pleased cause I took too long I did for my dad to make things straight and I was directly by God whom I actually believe in- we’ve met and I had one person approach me after the service to give me a message from God I knew it - God works like that

I'm having real trouble accepting that you have to be a monster to survive in this world

I sure wish this could be transmitted this to the past. A lot of wretched people made the world a lot worse for everyone else. This message is needed for so many freedom hating puritans.

What happens when everyone at the funeral is the “useful person?” It’s so funny that Jordan cannot see his own postmodern tendencies

Learning that being a monster is the right thing, was a long and painful process. That ended with me cutting cords with my own mother. I find that women get shamed when we embrace our inner monster. Society needs us to love unconditionally. Just look at the US legislating against abortion. I have done an abortion. It felt like murder and it was an extreme grief. But it was the right thing to do. Women need to be aloud to be the monster if we are going to have a sane society.

What if the funeral was caused by a lone hpsnc enacting his "rich and vibrant culture" on an unsuspecting little girl? No, tell me more Jordan about how it doesn't matter whether or not our country becomes majority-hspnc.