My last client was 94 when she passed. I took care of her for 4 years. This lady was decked out from head to toe every day. She made me promise when she passed that i made sure her wig was combed the way she combed it, her make up was done and her fingernails were done. I honored her wishes. When i knew the time was close i called the girl who did her nails and she came out to the house to make sure her nails looked amazing. The local funeral home allowed me to come in and help with her make up and hair. It was such a beautiful thing to be able to give her what was important to her.
You are such a sweet person. That was a true act of kindness. I would guess that you were her caregiver. What ever you roll was, I hope someone gives you exceptional care after your very long life.
Kari your clips are set up for the student and people who work as directors,but to be real sis these clips bring healing and helps people see what you do from a caring heart who loves what they do. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. And because of your love of what you do you go girl.
I know you are speaking more to other funeral directors, and students, but I started watching you when there was an imminent death going to occur. Your compassion and kindness is so comforting to know that you are so loving in your profession. I hope you are able to educate others to be more like you rather than some of the burial machines many have become. I absolutely love you, and thank you for being so kind.
Thank You Kari! I have had a couple people who passed away & they were not even in the ballpark of looking like them. Not even close.🥴You are so, so helpful💕💕
Kari Northey I have the upmost faith that the person you are caring for would look there best for viewing. If they were 80 when you where done they’d look like 50
I ran into a funeral director last night leaving the hospital picking up a body. I told him about you and we had a good laugh because i knew so much about what he does thanks to watching you.
This is so true . There is a funeral home in my town that has the reputation of making everyone look the same, women old and young having the same make-up, can you imagine ? The men also look the same too. They ask for a photo but don't honor it. When my grandmother passed away we went to one out of town and they did as you said. My grandmother looked like she was asleep, and they even made her have a slight pleasant smile on her face .
Kari, I don't know how I happened to come across your channel, but I'm happy that I did. Watching your channel made me understand many things about funerals. You really love what you do, and you're very passionate about it; you're just amazing! God bless you!
Hey Kari! My name is Ryan, I'm 23 years old and I'm a Funeral Director - Embalmer student in Newfoundland, Canada! I want to let you know that I really enjoy your videos! This video was especially helpful to me because I always worry that I apply too much or too little make up. It's kind of nerve wracking sometimes, waiting for the family's response to the first viewing. But, so far in my career the response has always been positive. Question: What is the worst case you've seen in your career?
Kari Love your videos! My dad had been in ICU for over a month before he passed. He lost a lot of weight. He looked very bad for a man that was so vain about his looks. The funeral home in our small town did an awesome job. It was comforting to see him again. I only had one thing that bugged me and it was the way they had his hair. I was hesitant to ask to fix it, but I did. They were so respectful and very quickly fix it. I felt like dad would of been so proud of the way he looked. Much respect to you and others that take care of the ones we have lost.
When vmy fatheer in law passed from cancer he was so skinny, but when you walked in and saw him he looked like he had never been sick. He looked so at peace, it really helped the family.
A friend in my unit died unexpectedly of a heart attack while on TDY in TX. They had him down there for over a week for autopsy. Now Ray had had a moustache for as long as anybody had known him. When we went for the viewing, no moustache! Didn't even look like him any more. It was like desecration.
Kari, thanks for the great videos, I'm hooked. Photos are so important. When my mother died the funeral home styled her hair perfectly and I provided her favorite lipstick and nail polish. She had lived in another state for many years, but at visitation back home,she looked very much like family and friends remembered her. That's the last time people will see that person, and they want them to look like "them self". They used to call it a 'memory picture'. The funeral home did a fantastic job with just the right amount of filling and makeup.
My grandmother suffered with Parkinson’s for years and was just skin and bones when she died. When I went to her visitation I was amazed at the work the funeral director had done. Yes they had made her look much younger and healthier than she had been but she looked like grandma again. My grandfather preceded her in death and she had remarried in her 70’s. She was buried in the dress she wore at her wedding and her husband went to visit her everyday for a week before her funeral because he was so pleased that she looked like the woman he fell in love with.
Another great video. The hardest for me when it came to someone not looking at all right was my father in law. He died while on vacation from a massive stroke. The hospital had cut off his hair prior to surgery to remove pressure on his brain. When we walked into the funeral home 30 minutes before the public arrived and viewed him for the Ist time the wig and his facial features looked nothing like him. looked at my husband and said "If it weren't for his hands I wouldn't know it was him". We wished we had seen him earlier and had gotten rid of the wig and had placed a dressy cap on his head instead. It made for a last memory that I wish could have been different. When my mom passed away she had been in a nursing home for about 2 months. She usually colored her own hair. In the nursing home they cut it extremely short and thought I had the wrong room when I saw her. They started putting a color wash in her hair which was OK but still not right. When she passed the funeral director called me to see if they should color her hair because it didn't match the picture we gave them. My poor mother would have been so upset as they colored it an orangey red color; nothing like her normal color. I always thought I'd I had known I should have gone in and did her hair either at the nursing home before she got too bad or at the funeral home after she died.
Hi Kari, Thankyou for all the video’s you make-they are really facinating. My uncle passed away four years ago,and the funeral directors he was ‘registered’ with did an awful job with him-not with any make up or filler-something that could NOT be undone...his moustache! They had shaved it off completley! He had had one all of his life. My aunty was traumatised! He did not look like himself anymore. We were all too upset and angry to say anything about it to the directors. My aunty had even given them a photo of him. They really let us all down 😔 Xx
Awesome video as always!!! I dealt with this with my grandmother sadly. When we went to the viewing I was shocked to see the shade of makeup they had used as she was super pink and her skin was so one toned she looked like a mannequin. It was so strange and sad they had covered her wrinkles and age marks completely
I lost my mom when I was 20. She had cancer and it left her looking very sick at the end. I was completely devastated when I saw her before the viewing, she looked so so different from real life. Seeing her was the first time I broke down and begged them to fix her. They didn’t. It was one of the hardest things about the entire process for me. My family members reassured me she looked “fine”, but it was so painful for me to see her so different. Like I lost my chance to say goodbye to the real her in a way.
This may sound weird or mean, but my dad looked better dead then alive. He was a sickly frail man when he died. At his funeral he was restored to his normal self before he took ill. I was very impressed with Wylie funeral home here in Maryland.
No matter how hard you try someone will always have a comment. Most of the time they are positive and then you get the negative ones that you just can't please no matter what you do. Your red nail polish reminded me of my Mother as that was her favorite color. At her viewing we used bright red lipstick, nail polish and her casket spray and two large family baskets were all done in red and white roses. I'm sure she is still smiling from up above. Love your videos and keep up the good content.
I just wanted to pop on and say thank you for your service to others... I have dealt with death many times with working in care homes and hospital with elderly for 14yr. I was a team leader and I sat with patients while they passed or found them passed away. I was responsible at times for calling Drs and funeral director. I would give them a quick wash ready for going with the undertakers. They were always so respectful and gave me time to say goodbye. I helped one put her into her casket as he was on his own.. he helped keep me at ease as I hadn’t had to before. Just to make light of a situation.. this was funny to us as the patient would have laughed and loved it. The night this patient passed it was snowing, the car could not get up the drive to the home. We had to slide her casket down the hill on a sledge to the car lol.. I’m sure she is still up there laughing at it!
Now I understand. When I was in my late teens/early 20s, I've gone to viewings where a person look 2 to 3 shades darker than they did in life. I didn't want 2 stand & stare, but I've always wondered why the decedant(s) did not resemble who they were in life.
I completely agree with your advice for restraint but, since funerals are for the living, I think it is proper to help the person look like their loved ones want to remember them. As you said - There is a middle ground. Thank-you so much for your video's, Kari.
I'm not in the funeral business. But had always heard, that once the chemicals took affect the features were set. And would stay that way until decomposition started again.
I had requested to have mom's hair colored and styled and nails done. My mom never wanted to look bad in life so I wanted her to look her best in death. Mom was very sick when she died and I was so worried that she was going to look terrible and I didnt want my family to see her like that. So the funeral home did a good job and she looked great. And the funeral home did ask for a picture and I had bought a current photo anyways and asked them to make her look like that.
I have to chuckle at this subject. I can't stress enough to bring a picture even if it's one that's 10 years old to give a starting place. I went with my friend to see his grandmother when she was ready. The first thing out of his mouth was "oh my God, Nanna looks like Dolly Parton!" I thought his momma was going to need a casket next. Thank goodness they found a photo and the staff gladly fixed her makeup to a more "natural state." At the time it wasn't funny but praise God we can look back and laugh. His Grandmother always had a great since of humor. I believe she would have probably laughed at it too.
My friend was killed by a drunk driver, at her viewing I had asked her mom if she liked the way she looked and she said no. so I told her to let the director to please fix it. then at her funeral her mom said that she looked a whole lot better
The only viewing I remember attending that relatives complained that "it looked nothing like her" was an aunt. I think her hair was done totally differently and they had taken liberty with padded her bust. My cousin, who is a beautician, fixed the hair. Kari, I think a good idea for a video would be things that you or a funeral director you know have had go wrong with a funeral/viewing. I remember when the funeral director had to clean up some (what I assume was) purge coming from my uncle's mouth during his viewing. That was upsetting to many people.
Yes at my boyfriends grandmother's funeral though she was to be cremated they had her laid out for the funeral like in another room on a hospital gerne with just a blanket over her like folded down to her hands which I thought was really weird, then her hair which she always had curled they like had it combed and slicked back and it looked wet like from gel or something, I was horrified as I had spent a lot of time with her up to her death but strangely none of her immediate family really had, I don't know...kind of a strange family, not what used to with my own family
I've seen these things you described Kari. And you're right. It alters the appearance too much. I had relatives who looked different. Then I walked into a wake for a friend and he looked like he would sit up in the coffin any minute and start joking with me. That's how wonderful of a job they did. From one extreme to the other.
I told my sister recently after a cancer scare and while discussing funeral arrangements that I only wanted immediate family and a few specified friends at my wake and funeral. I feel that if you were not a part of my life in more recent years then you are not invited to my wake. I just don't want someone who knew me 25+ years ago, but haven't seen since to come just to gawk at me. But how do you make those wishes carried thru? Do you put family only in the obituary notice? How is that handled?
When my dad's girlfriend passed her kids chose not to have her embalmed so the visitation was only one hour and you could feel the cold coming off her body. The worst thing was they opted not to have her hair and makeup done. In life she always dresses very nice and took care in how she looked. It was sad and shocking to see her hair just brushed totally back and no makeup. Just to save a few dollars.
100% agree with you on this topic I work hospice as a social worker , so I am in touch w the funeral industry a lot and I agree with your thoughts I know one funeral director in the town I live in who overdoes makeup to the point where people don’t even look like themselves Ps I see your painting of Michigan in the background I’m in the keweenaw peninsula way up in the UP
I went to a funeral the other day for a family frirnd I knew for probably 30 years . At First I thought I can't do this but then seeing him everything looked good clothes make up face etc . So that part put me at ease but still just hard be there in general.
When my mother in law passed we gave them her make up she liked , they put on way to much .My husband and I saw her first and told them the family was on its way and they would have been very upset they quickly adjusted it and asked us before they opened the door to her state room if this is better and it was. I guess they were trying to help her look better but they used to much , we had adjusted to the way she looked because of the length of time she had cancer so they amount of make up was to us excessive .
Ya know,you are such a beautiful soul. Too bad there's not more of you to go around...lol! I think you need to have your own tv show. Hey,if Dr.G can do it,you are more than qualified,dear. ~til next time💖
Grandma told me if she doesn't have wrinkles in her face, she would haunt the mortician. Fortunately for him he left wrinkles on her face. He should known because the used the same funeral home for 4 generations
My mum had a viewing. We went in trepidation and ended up being in hysterics. Mum was given her dress which had a large sash, her pale pink lipstick and perfume. She always dressed elegantly. When we arrived we tiptoed up to her coffin and slowly peered in. Well Mum nearly ended up on the floor as one sister knocked her sideways and my two sisters and I dissolved in hysterics. We laughed and laughed. They had put her dress on perfectly but the very big sash was around her neck in a big bow and she had bright red lipstick and blush. My dad nearly passed out and we gently put mum back where she belonged so she didn't end up on the floor.
When my dad died, he lost a lot of weight and he looked so old but after he was embalmed, he gained some weight and looked young just the way he was. Very handsome. Your channel is very educational. I love it. 👍
Ha, I was just thinking about the My Girl scene when you were describing this. My spouse's grandmother was totally overdone. She was a fairly plain women who had a perm and no make-up, however, her hair was styled in a very different way and her make-up was so over the top she looked like she had been a movie star. It looked nothing like her. Very odd and the embalmer knew her so not sure what he was thinking but she wasn't recognizable.
Oh my, this hits home. When we went to the viewing of my husband’s Grandma (she and I were so close, like best friends. She died unexpectedly, so it was unbelievably painful. Still is, almost 14 years later) and what sticks out to me, is her hair was done in a style that she never wore. Plus, her usual berry lipstick was replaced by a sickly nude. After the viewing and funeral, she was being cremated, so I guess no one really thought to pay attention to that. I will say, the funeral home and their staff was so top notch in how they cared for us. They have done a funeral for another family member since, and it was still the same kind of warmth and care. That is so much appreciated in such a difficult time. Love the t shirt, Kari. I didn’t know that “savage” was a good thing, until I got schooled by my two teenage daughters. They have taught me a lot, lol.😉😉. You are very kind and caring, and so good at explaining things. I know that is a huge comfort to the families you care for. Thank you for another great video.
I've been to two different funerals (a close friend and my mother in law) where the funeral directors had been given old glamour shots from the 80's to work with. They looked ridiculous. I wish I could have went in and did my mother in law's hair myself. I used to fix it for her before her doctors appointments. I could have done so much better.
I have a sweet auntie who has designated ME to make sure she is pretty in her casket. Her number one FEAR is that they will put orange lipstick on her, which she hates! It is good to know things can be fixed if it is not pleasing to the family. I'm so happy to hear that!!! Thank you for your interesting videos. I have had questions answered by watching you. I appreciate it.
My absolute favorite That doesn't look like ________ at all was when my grandmother passed. She was 101 years old and they put hooker red lipstick. Fortunately, we were able to fix it before any public services.
Hello I really like the way you are explaining all these things!! We have gone through 3 family deaths since 2018 and I wish I had known more about these things when we went to do the arrangements for each of the loved ones we lost. When my dad passed away in 2018 I saw the funeral staff putting him inside the casket and they did not put the item we had asked for in his hands... It was a very special thing for me to have helped the funeral staff place a guitar in between his hands BUT I wish they could have put him a little more up on the pillow... He was way too deep into the casket. We can ask them adjust the person in the casket as well?
I lost a close friend of 30+ yrs. on October 31. I was so shocked when I seen the make up job, it looked like it was put on with a putty knife, it was thick & gummy looking. It didn't look like the person I knew for so long, it was sad.
My Mum had lipstick on her that made her look trashy..it upset me so much I asked for them to change it..This is in Australia.. The lady taking care of my Mum was so loving and respectful she changed her lipstick it made the world of difference.. A little thing I know but Mum was so particular about her lippy,
Once I saw a video of a funeral director showing a family loved one in a casket to ask them how their loved one looked. As it was the makeup was rather garish as it was but the family said more lipstick, which the funeral director applied. Then the family said more and more. Finally I guess they were satisfied but I guess the deceased always used a lot of makeup when living.
I love your channel Kari, I stumbled across it a week ago, this stuff is very interesting to me, I struggle with funerals and I believe it is caused by me finding my grandpa dead when I was 10 years old, I just remember finding him then a few days later we were at a funeral and I didn’t understand at all what was going on, I stood there for a good amount of time waiting for him to wake up, I was talking to him like always just waiting for his response, I now get this weird feeling about me anytime I go to funerals, I just feel like anytime this person is going to wake up, it still bothers me to this day, I didn’t even say goodbye during the time I was looking at him, my aunt had to me to say my last goodbye but again I really didn’t get why or anything so when she walked away I just stood there looking, thanks for the videos you do very awesome and definitely very clear 😎😎
When my mom died in 2014 she it was because she had a major stroke along with other health issues. And had been in the hospitals and nursing homes and rehab centers for 5 months just prior to her death. She looked exactly like herself. She had long hair. Her hair was styled in a body wave curl. She had on black eye liner and pinkish redeye shadow and blush and love that red lipstick. A bright gold jacket with a gold tank top and a red skirt with gold pin stripes in it and a red and gold flower in her hair. She was decked out and looking like she was taking a nap laying there. 74 years old and not a wrinkle on her .She dressed like this when she was living. So i dressed her up when she died. Now my older sister when she died in 2010 we barely recognized her do to her skin having a golden appearance and being swollen up all over because of her having strep throat and pneumonia and sepsis and multiple sclerosis and all the medications that the hospital had given her .But i guess the funeral home did the best that they could with her .
Good contrast of the job a good cosmetician can make vs. a bad one. When my mom passed, she looked even better at viewing than she did when she was alive (she died of cong. heart failure/pulmonary edema @ 65, turning blue and all in the ER). The funeral cosmetologist applied makeup that brought back the rosey color to her cheeks and made her look 10-15 years younger (and, of course, some of this was aided by the proper application of the red embalming fluid, I'm sure). By contrast, my dad ended up looking like an orange at viewing -- so much rouge had been applied to him by the funeral cosmetologist. I was NOT happy with his result. The director though put the blame on the fact that, following his autopsy in the ER, dad was in cold storage for a week or so in the hospital morgue and then flown to IN to be prepared at the funeral home. GRRRRRR. btw, wish you would do a video on what additional work on a body is required, physically and legally, before it can be flown to an out-of-state destination on a commercial airliner. I remember reading a section in one of Dean Koontz's first novels, "Whispers", in which he graphically describes what happens to the dead villain's body in the funeral home before it is flown to the family's home in another state. I remember him writing something about a large hook having to be inserted through the body's anus and all the soft organs pulled out of the body through that route prior to it being allowed to be transported to the airport for shipment in its shipping casket. I have never heard of such a thing since, and wondered if that is truly a legal requirement. ?
Kari, if a funeral home adds too much filler, and u do a pre-view of the person after they where dressed and set for a viewing, can they take some of the filler out of the face? I've seen so many people where not only did they not look like themselves, but they had no neck line.. in addition to this,why do the lips always look so fake and glued or permanently fixed together? Is that really necessary? Isnt there a way to join the lips without them looking like they are pulled together and glued? Your doing a great job and I'm fixated on learning and watching your videos. Finally, someone takes on a given topic and explains it so well. Thank you for your time and continued education.
This is such a great video I would love families to bring in a photo that is more recent. We tend to have to reference photos from 20 years ago and it can be very difficult to be authentic and realistic.
When my mom passed they had my sister do her hair. And they let me help with her make up. It was healing for us because the last time I saw her it was traumatic. So to see her looking like she was sleeping before she was in the casket was therapeutic.
My grandmother never wore dentures and we got there and the mouth looked so bad. we asked them to reset it and the director said it would take 45 minutes to redo and it would look much worse. Everyone was very upset.
When my paternal grandfather died the main thing my mother and I noticed was that his fingernails were dirty. That was in 1980, and I still remember it as if it was today.
Lol you can make me look 20 if you want too. Heck im 56 and been 28 for years. Kidding aside it makes my heart that you take the time to care. God bless.
I am an Embalmer ... I am commenting on the passing of Your black Lab ... When I was in school , My roommate and I embalmed a dog just for fun ... In Tennessee just south of Nashville there is a Pet Cemetery ... It is nice and is used frequently ... There is a saying ... PETS ARE PEOPLE TOO ... 😊😪
Lovely, informative, smart and sensitive, as usual. Thanks! (But it's "overdo" here, not "overdue." Library books are overdue. Grandma with startlingly pink lips is what the advice "Don't overdo it" covers.
I agree! I think people should look just natural when they leave this earth. Almost, like they are resting peacefully. That's how I'd want to be. I would not mind being buried in my joggers. I would like something comfortable. I would like comfort and not presentation. That's just me.
Just watching this...An older friend passed several years ago...She was a Mary Kay Rep...Very proud, makeup perfect....until her death...Oh my gosh, she looked like a clown, seriously, her makeup was horrible..she looked nothing like herself.....It was unreal... Sad disservice to her...
Kari Northey, you make it easier to cope with all the processes that death brings. I have lost 21 in 10 yrar, family & all close friends. What isa Jewish prep like? I know they have their own way of doing things & the funeral itself is so matter of fact. How long does thejr decomposition take if they are not embalmed? Thanks again.
Not so much beauty, but I remember my grandfather's funeral a few years ago...My grandmother and father did not like the final "product" so to speak, so the wake was closed casket. After everybody left, I asked the receptionist to open the casket for me, and she obliged. When I saw my grandfather he face had an odd expression, but what even more surprising what he overall size. After we had transported to the hospital and pronounced DOA, I saw him and he was a heavier set, just like how he normally was. His spouse agreed to donate some skin before leaving. However, in the casket it seemed as the belly disappeared and he has a slimmer waist with almost a "v" taped to his torso. It was quite weird. Is it normal for somebody to lose a lot of mass after donating skin? Do embalmers do any sort of fatty tissue removal? I just can't explain the large difference in weight and appearance. But anyway, that you very much Kari for these videos and keep them up!
My mother was a dark lady. The funeral home didn't want me to see her. But I insist she look like a powder chocolate donut. My mother was chocolate with a red under tone. I told them to change her foundation. I had brought her foundation. We had her visitation and funeral the same day. But I saw her the day before her public viewing. I would not have been able to fixing
The same thing happened to my uncle but they fixed it. My aunt was the strong one during that time and she was able to make it a light hearted funny situation saying he would’ve laughed about it if he was there which was true.
My grandmother died in august at 94. She died from an infection. We brought her home and she was in hospice 14 hours and died peacefully. At her rosery she looked just like herself. Even her lips looked normal. She honestly looked like she was just sleeping. The only thing i noticed was that they put some pink lipstick on her lips. Is there a reason for that? Would she have been really pale if they didnt do work on her?
Hi Kari, I really liked this topic. I think back to my brothers viewing and I swear he looked like count Dracula the clothes weren't very nice it was periwinkle blue the suit with a gold cross necklace and he had black rosary beads wrapped around his hands. He died at the age of 26 in 2001 of an accidental overdose. Why they made his face appear caved in with shading in the cheeks I have no idea. But when my father was Waked he looked good with the exception of how they positioned his neck and his mouth appeared like they set it like a mushroom. But what is done is done. Did you receive the pinebox club box? And how did you like it? I think relaxation is the spice of life especially when you have such a stressful job. Have a great rest of today :)
Darn it Kari , I was thinking my lack of applied color while living would finally change after I pass! Kidding aside, my sisters and I being opposite with makeup techniques would be great examples of this videos purpose, at least at this moment in time lol
my friend funeral was yesterday and he had dropped a ton of weight from b n sick but what got me was he was light brown b4 he died but in the casket he was tar black, what happened from when he died to the funeral? it was awful! he looked NOTHING like himself😭
