Being INFJ as a Child 

I felt as if I was the sole representative of an entirely different species, observing everything from a self-imposed emotional distance. I still do. Perhaps I never grew up;)

I feel like the teenage years are very experimental for INFJ's because we look for the meaning in what others say, see why they act that way and what people then subconsciously think of them. We then try to implement ourselves as best as possible with high standards, always criticizing yourself. Then between 17-19 where you don't give a fuck anymore and start coming out of your shell. You can see your potential, you stop criticizing yourself because you start seeing the flaws in others and compare those, looking for meaning. You start enjoying the moment and feeling sudden moments of existential content. Im just describing how I'm feeling. I'm 18 atm. I love your videos bro xoxo

I really like your videos. I'm an INFJ as well. I can relate completely. I always felt like I was different and didn't belong even though I had friends. I always felt like I experienced things in a more complicated or different way. I was overly self conscious all throughout school, cause i felt like people could tell i didn't fit in anywhere.

When other people DID include me in things, and I was disappointed with the reality of it (expectations too high, sometimes--> romantic imagination vs. "reality"), I felt guilty because I was like, "well that makes me feel even MORE alone...". Expectations are something to be managed as consciously as possible when our imaginations demand so much, sometimes

One of the biggest things I couldn't understand is why I could never stop the tears from falling when I was angry. The moment I grew angry my eyes would start to tear up. As a kid I felt like such a pussy. For years I tried to change/control it, but my emotions always got the best of me. This could be completely irrelevant to being an INFJ or empath, but I felt weak and different because of my sensitivity.

Since I was younger, I often felt a sense of loneliness in all aspects of life. It didn’t mean that I had zero friends, but I tended not to tell them every thoughts I had, like the little fantasies, imaginary future or some certain ideas toward movies and books. I always hoped to speak out and share, but I could not find ways to explain it. Also, the fear of judgment took me along the way, like what if they don’t care, or in fact, peers at the same ages never understood me. They seemed to care for things that had the least interests from my view. Yes, this ended up in feeling misunderstood and lacks of sharing as a kid. Often, I tried to attach closely to one friend and then as time went, she detached from me. I was miserable and deeply upset to some extent that I blamed myself for my sensitivity and introversion. I feel better now btw, 19 years old with lots more understanding of my personality and to accept the difference and weirdness 😩

It’s such a weird coincidence that my sister is an infp and I’m an Infj, just like you guys. I did have a similar experience in that she always got more people that liked her and wanted to be her friend without trying but I couldn’t make the same thing happen by actually trying to. I always had only one or two friends and unfortunately none of them have ever been very close or good. I’ve gotten a few now who are better but not so close. And I would try to be friends with some of her friends because they were already around our house and at our church but I was just an extra addition who didn’t matter if I was there or not. Our childhood wasn’t the best so some more negative traits came out in her than a healthy infp, such as she didn’t want anything to do with me and wouldn’t allow me to be friends with the same people which always left me feeling like a dismissible shadow of a person around her and her friends. I never had confidence that she did the same as what you were mentioning about you and your brother. And I always felt Like the world was in a snow globe and I was stuck outside pressed up against the glass watching and wanting to be part of it but not able to get through to anyone. My therapist misunderstood that and tried to tell me I had antisocial personality disorder because I didn’t have good connections with people. But it’s only because I wasn’t successful in my attempts not because I was a sociopath, that always frustrated me. Aspects of my personality type were never understood by my counselors and they would think it was a mental health issue. Because I didn’t find out I was an infj until I was 19. I spent my whole young life in pain from loneliness. But I’ve found my soulmate now and feel that I can focus on living now that I’m not miserable.

You just did the INFJ humor there 😂😂😂😂 (the past history reference) My brother once told me I was mysterious as a child. Yes pretty much locked in my head and would have conversation with myself about my choices. I started writing poems when I realized that keeping emotions locked in was very much unhealthy especially because I was overly sensitive. I don’t remember much of my childhood and that’s perhaps because I didn’t create memories with a lot of people. I can relate with the difference as though I had friends I just didn’t feel a part of the group and that group kept changing every year, somewhere I just didn’t feel enough then, I simply didn’t feel like I fit in but it didn’t look that way to others, I think.

I am twice your age, Ren. I grew up in a time and an environment that was brutal. My childhood was loveless with the singular exception being my maternal grandmother. She was my emotional lifeline and I cried for three days when I learned of her passing. (I was three thousand miles from her. I will always carry the look in her eyes when she knew better that I would never see her again. It still makes me tear up.) I never felt like an insider and was forced by my parents into activities that made my circumstances much worse. It was tough for me growing through that time. My life's work has been to help other to be a better version of themselves and to give people like me the room to grow.

I can really relate to a lot that you said, especially about feeling different or weird, the vivid fantasies, being fairly well-liked, but not important to other kids. I also never belongs to a group in school. I was home-schooled from fifth grade on, about 11 years old, and I don't think it helped my social skills. I became even more shy, and though I wanted to belong to a team, I was easily frustrated by no one listening to me. My passion for reading books and writing stories and poetry helps me to survive my childhood and my narcissistic stepfather, who thought it was hilarious to make me upset. As I got older, my little rebellions were following my heart, instead of doing what others told me. And sometimes I should have listened. But it all turned out well in the end.

Its very complicated but here is a short synopsis - 0 to 15 was okay, but high school was not the best for me. I was extremely shy and had a group of friends that were unpopular and basically called the quiet or studious ones. My friends were 1st generation Americans or immigrant kids. We did not identify with the American kids that much, because they seem more loud and extroverted and were more flashy in their ways, wherein we were the complete opposite. They ignored us basically. Myself, I was okay being myself at times, but did not like talking in front of the class for assignment or reports. I hated sitting in groups for assignments. With my slight accent and shyness it was Hell. I always felt I was suffocating. I did not talk much because, It was hard for me to come up with quick answers and ideas. I needed to process my thoughts in my own way, but did not know this at the time, the INFJs mindset. My last name started with an 'a', so I was mainly called up first to speak, my mind would panic with all the negative thoughts of what or how my peers would see me. It was not a good time. College was okay because, the space was not so confining and courses were more selective and I felt more independent; plus the atmosphere was more forgiving toward different cultures and languages. Did not date or go to my proms either for high school. It was the pits. Sometime life is still the pits. lol

Indeed daydreamjng as a kid is a coping mechanisme. To escape bullying OR NOT feeling detached for a while.,.

I'm still not entirely convinced that I'm INFJ, though I took two separate and different tests that both gave me the same result. I don't 'feel' like an introvert and I don't have difficulty with social situations. However, I was a complete weirdo as a child. I had an existential crisis in 3rd grade when I learned that our sun has 'only' a 10 billion year lifespan and half of it had been used up. I kept worrying about what would happen to the earth once the sun dies but no one else seemed to care. I also wondered whether we were characters in a dream and would disappear when the dreamer wakes up...essentially, I worried that we might be living in a reality simulation. I could never share these things with others my age though. I had tons of imaginary fantasies, and a really rich inner dialogue even as a kid. I was totally okay being by myself and I don't think I sought out my parents too much. I also longed to be accepted and to belong, but I thought that was just a result of growing up as the only Asian in my school. It's not that I didn't have friends though. I think maybe I compromised a lot when I was younger because I would try to blend in and I was good at it. I felt like a chameleon and also kind of like a fraud. I don't really want to be INFJ because I don't feel that my personality is all that 'rare'.

I’m 14 at the moment... and I’ve been going through this journey of self discovery since I was around 12-13 years old. I feel quite lost and detached, and I find myself heavily relying on my imagination and indulgence to get through. I have friends, yes, and I have somewhat of a social life... but it feels... weird. It’s almost as if I know there’s something better than this... and I need to search for it. I see so many people who celebrate their friendship online and it’s always so happy, and they’re always doing things together... and I always wonder: are they celebrating an ideal or an actual connection? I’ve made attempts to be vulnerable... but I always feel unsatisfied or hurt. It gets to the point where I wonder if there is actually something wrong with me and maybe I need to work on myself more before I can interact with other people. I try to show parts of myself that I hid away-things that showed more of the bigger picture that is me, but it just... doesn’t work! I don’t think that there is truly anything wrong with me... but it’s so hard not to think what could I be doing wrong? Those failed interactions just make me want to go through life solo instead of going through this washing machine of hurt and confusion. It’s like I’m being tested and this higher power that is watching me is telling me that I have to live with this difference in order to tackle even more challenges that manifest in the future. However, I sometimes find that I acknowledge I’m mature for my age, and that time will reward me for my patience when I am older. I don’t know why, but I just know I’ll cry so much when that time comes. Call me dramatic, but just thinking about it puts a comforting weight on my chest. Gosh, it’s like I’ve been waiting for a deep connection for so long... I wish it would stop being shy and come sooner, but I have to be patient.

When I was a kid, I was as quiet as a little mouse. I remember I tried to fit in, but I never got to be among the popular kids at the school. I guess it happened quite often in my younger life. The thing is I wouldn't try that hard to be popular. However, I was afraid of being called out as a weirdo. Now I am more into being proud of my weirdness. As a matter of fact, I will tell people that I am weird and warn them that I may sound like a sociopath sometimes...but I won't plot to kill their pets if they cross me. One incident is worth mentioning. Back to middle school, one of my good friends told me when she first met me, she was a bit afraid of me. Quote her words, "You were too quiet and too cool. I couldn't figure out what you were thinking about during our first conversation. Then I got to know you. You are not as weird as your looks."

In school I completely detach during lesson, unless what we’re learning is interesting and I feel it has purpose. Most of the time, though, what we learn lacks substance and meaning and without this, I can’t help but to drift off into my own little world. I’m glad I have such a vivid imagination but it comes back to bite me later when I missed something ‘important’. (But it’s not because you seriously cannot measure someone’s ‘intelligence’ based off their score on a test, but I won’t go into that)

I'm an INFP and I have this interior feeling that makes me feel very well grounded into my identity and as an outsider I always felt confident about it, I actually bragged as a kid being different from the norm. I always went against society. INFPs don't need anyone's validation but the contrary, I like shocking people and being unpredictable. When they think they figured me out, I just switch direction and love it :)

Dude...get out of my head..lol. Thank you Ren. Was very relatable. I identify as INFJ and my childhood was similar. Like by many peers..somewhat popular but didnt have any close connections. I think it was difficult being so self aware at an early age. I spent entirely too much time trying to "read" other people as well. I think adult hood helped remind me not everyone is like that. Just trying to meet people where they're at. Fortunately having strong Fe makes it easy to find some common ground. I have alot of friends today. But I tend to find relationships with people that also have Ni most fulfilling.

I also experienced the “I’m not quite like everyone else” sensation but I oddly had amazing and supportive friends that loved my individuality. My main focus was to be around those who gave unconditional love and support and I was lucky enough to find 3 great friends who loved me unconditionally and still do to this day. A beautiful friendship indeed. With that said, I’ve felt insecure with other groups of people, particularly those who dont quite “get” or understand my rhetoric and even more so, my humor. So I typically remain distant when I’m around that group, but that does not mean I keep myself away from them. I take no offense to their misunderstanding and it encourages me to try to allow them to be themselves freely without judgement in hope they will to absorb that mindset and eventually allow me to be myself freely. Thanks for your thoughts Ren and more so thank you for expressing them with exceptional detail with which I’ve hungered for, but could never find.

Thank you for bringing out more and more topics that resonate with INFJs. I always felt I was the alien in my family and among friends as a child. As an adult it doesn't matter anymore, as we learn a lot and get to know more about ourselves. It was a lovely video Ren as always and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

When I was little about 5 years old my whole family would gather around mum Dad and three sisters and I would tell stories I made up on the fly, it was the highlight of the week, I had no trouble making friends, I was beyond my years in wisdom, pity I couldn't take my own advice.

I won't touch on EVERYTHING, because it would become a novel. But, to compare to your situation, I wasn't popular in school. I never was. There were moments I wished I could be, but less so for the friendships and more so just for the respect. Kids were mean and verbally abused me (never physically, thank goodness!) I tried SO hard to be kind to everyone, despite all of that. At the end of the day, I was never willing to compromise my morals and values in order to fit in. I grew up in a Christian home and that in itself was enough to isolate me from my classmates. I also liked singing and dancing and so the guys thought I was too girly. The girls were nicer to me, but they were also very fake. I saw through it all so I just tried to be friendly and then keep to myself. All of my teachers loved me because I was respectful and worked hard to get "good enough" grades. Come grade 5 I did manage to make friends with two guys who I'm thinking were probably INFP and INTP, or something of the like. We made imaginary games at recess, and when we hung out after school we imagined more stuff, played video games, drew all sorts of stuff, and dreams about having relationships with cartoon characters. We were weird, but we didn't judge one another. Come High School, I almost ditched my friends to be "cool." That lasted about a week or two before I realized I was giving up good friends for people that were mean to me and expected me to change who I was. I apologized to my friends and we never looked back. I was very sensitive and emotionally reactive when kids were mean to me. But grade 11 I decided I wasn't going to react anymore. I didn't want to be friends with them, I just wanted them to be kind to me or ignore me altogether. By grade 12, my tactics paid off and everyone did exactly what I wanted. They ignored me or were at least nice to me. I did make more friends through elementary and High School within my class and the grades above and below me, but not the point of close friendships or hangout out outside of school hours. It was always the weirdos that I connected with. Lol. Another interesting note is that my brother (who types as an ENFP, but I think he's an ENTP) was the rebellious middle child. My sister is the older and is either an ISFP or ISFJ. I, being the youngest, was more spoiled and dramatic, but I remember spending a lot of time alone using my imagination with toys, paper, or making imaginary friends in the backyard. I played with my siblings, but I didn't need them to be entertained. As teenagers, my brother really went into the angry emo stage and caused chaos in the home. He hated the rule, hated religion, hated school, hated...everything. And it wasn't enough for him to remain alone in his misery, he wanted us all the feel it and wreaked havoc in the home all the time. Opposite to me, he got into drinking and smoking, changed the way he dressed, and while he wasn't "popular" at school, everyone in the school knew not to mess with him, and all the teachers felt disappointed in him because they saw how intelligent and creative he was and felt he was wasting his potential. I observed all of this as I grew up and did everything in my power to not repeat his actions as I saw the destruction it caused. He came to see me as a goodie two shoes. While I choose to follow the rules of the house, he chose to break them. While I chose to not compromise who I was at school and focus on my education, he decided to become the infamous goth. (One friend I had eventually wasn't allowed to come to my house anymore because her parents saw him saying really inappropriate stuff at school or around the town and they didn't want her to be around him. Like, I legit lost a friend because of him.) We're now in our mid 30's and to this day he still find ways to cause chaos at our gatherings and even blames me for his misfortunes as a teenager because I told our parents when he broke the rules (I was a bit of a tattle tale.) Once I was in my twenties and went to college I thrived a bit more. I actually became "popular", but it was honestly because I was friendly to everyone in my class. I still didn't change who I was, I still had my faith and kept my morals and values, but I had the respect of my peers. I honestly learned from observing other's mistakes and have managed to to quite well. If anyone has read this far, I've been typed as an E/INFP, or INFJ. I'm starting to settle on INFJ, but I'm curious is other INFJs resonate with anything I've said?

I was a mistake born in 1957 late in my parents life ,had a older brother(17yrs) sister(11yrs)mostly neglected by family abused emotionally by a couple of teachers decided wasn't going to learn anymore and did my own thing ending up as a high school drop out by the time i was 15. Always felt like a misfit, lost in the wrong world, luckily i liked to read, live in my own head, went through a lot of death beginning at 28 1st my partner then my mother 4 months latter father committed suicide 10 yrs later brother 3yrs later then my sister . 23yrs later a psychic is giving me a reading explaining what a special personality i have likened to Gandi, MLK,Jung etc.. me thinking she just being nice ,2 months ago i find out i am INFJ and at 62yrs of age i finally understand why i was so different .

I was crazy when I was a kid.. and idk if I was an INFJ because most say they are reserved, but I talked a lot in elementary school and so much so I kept getting in trouble but I really liked to hang out and talk with everyone mostly, but I think most kids probably thought I was annoying or maybe they thought they better not hang with me because I kept getting in trouble. No matter how talkative I was though, I knew to do the right things and help someone if they need help and never hurt anyone or try to be bad. I remember once I got in trouble so the teacher made me sit in a room where our jackets and backpacks go and I remember looking by the door just seeing everyone being disciplined in the classroom... I could not help it but I guess when I got older, I tried to be more aware of what I am doing but there is an issue I became an over thinker and bit of social anxiety... so its hard to tell what I really want to be in life

As a three-year-old I had an extremely early existential crisis when asking my parents why we only had our eyes to look through. I felt trapped, like claustrophobic, stuck inside my body. Wondering why I was here. INTJ father, was curious and interested. ESFP mother thought it was a bit odd. Early stages of thinking too much about things I really shouldn’t be thinking about. I remember it only because it was such a massive focus. I did things like spent hours inwardly learning to navigate specific muscle groups, like wiggling my ears or independently moving my eyeballs; both of which I mastered. Lol yeah classic wierdo INFJ I guess? I was able to fit in when needed. Extremely shy in grade school and bullied, but came out of my shell, somewhat, in high school and fought back against any oppressors. Thanks for the interesting topic!

I’m a teenager right now and I relate to this a lot, especially when I was around 6-8 years old. I would always live inside my head, and I felt a huge detachment from the world (especially when I was 4). I felt very different and I really wanted to be included. I was always on autopilot and locked in my fantasies. I am always eager to follow the rules so that I could fit in, and hate it when I feel different from everyone else. Also, I have a very hard time expressing my ideas since I can’t seem to get the words to describe it. I understand many things, but it seems to be more feeling or visionary instead of words.

You were very handsy, nervous, in the beginning, so compelling. That's how I feel all the time if I have to talk about myself. Our difference is that I always loved being different, it meant something important to me. That's probably why I have such a break now, I don't fit in at all, what I embraced has become a beloved wall. You are shining through, though, well done sir.

I am so blown away! I never knew about INFJ! This randomly showed up on my suggestions and it gravitated towards me, and this all me. I always felt that I was different from the rest. As I child I was so quiet, I had friends but definitely was not popular. Even the friends that I did have, I still felt out of place and alone, even though I do like my alone time. I was never really bullied. To this day I’m still this way and prefer to stay on the sidelines. It crazy! I work with youth in corrections facility and I do so well with them. I can calm them down and have a way of making them feel better. My boss is always amazed on my ability calm an upset youth down. I’m very quiet and a lone, but my coworkers gravitate towards me coming up to me and sharing personal things to me and they trust me. They want me advice on things and I’ve been told I’m a great listener. However, I can’t bring myself to be an open book to people, it’s hard! So they see me as secretive and there is no connection with most people. I’m glad I found this because I always wondered why I was so different. Thank you

As a child I had entire worlds I created within my head, I knew it was just my imagination, but I could create my own entertainment by living in these worlds and making up my own stories. But I didn’t think this was anything different to anyone else. As a teenager I still had an entire imaginary world, a different world to the one I had as a younger kid. I was never bullied as a child, but I was extremely quiet/shy - however I knew how to take someone down if they attempted to bully me just with a simple phrase or retort, which ultimately gained respect now I look back. I had high morals and wouldn’t be led astray if I felt it was the wrong thing to do.

4:29 - 4:44 Wow I can definitely relate to that. I always had teachers telling my parents that I needed help with not being so distracted in class. I’d sit in the classroom and although I was listening to the teacher speak, my mind was somewhere else. Really enjoyed this one!

Me as an INFJ kid = started reading as young as 3 y"o so was totally in books, fairytales so much so that i have always felt better alone in my room with a book so i could just dream away and be in another time and another place. Never felt that i belong to here and now. Never felt fit with other kids although i did play outside, was always not popular and felt like an ugly duckling or an outsider. Was an easy target for kids laughing at me or even using me, always too naive to get the plot so was guarded by my parents. Could never defend myself (always scared until this very age of 46 y"o of ppl in authority or ppl with big titles at work/army), was afraid to speak up like other ppl did, was very good in observing and learning, also learnt a way to connect with other ppl through sympathy, listening and offering advices when they came up to me. Later in life have been told by many ppl they had thought i was a snob or were too scared of me, made me laugh because that was exactly the opposite way around....i was the one being scared to approach them...:).

Hello Renaud😀Just Want To Say Thank U So Very Much For Opening Up About Ur Childhood I Have Been Trying To Figure Things Out ForEvvvveeeerrrr😂I Find Ur Videos Intellectual Stimulating & Can Tell Ur Extremely Smart Yet Not Arrogant~U Have Alot To Offer & I Just Want To Say Thank U😁I Am A Weird Mix Of Wanting To Learn Yet If I Feel As Though Ppl R Drinking The Koolaid Psychology I Just Stop Listening Cuz They Keep Trying To Program Yet I Have Been Trying To Tell Them For 30 Years What They R Doing Is Trying To Fit A Square Peg In A Round Hole & Their Efforts Weather On Purpose Or Out Of Ignorance Were Only Harming Me Emotionally Mentally & Couldn't Grow Or Maintain Peace~Ppl Often Think I Just Want Attention & Label Me A Narcissist Or Label & Call Names Falsely Which They Don't Have A Clue On Their Part Of The Holes & How The System Needs To Be Revamped Anyways Usually Find Myself In A Pattern Of Trying Not To Be A PIA & Genuinely Want To Love Ppl With A Good Heart But Then They Say Well I Don't See Fruit Finally 1 Lady Said It Takes Time For Fruit To Bear I Made A Mistake Of Marrying The Wrong Person 30 Years Ago Whoa Anyways~I Have Always Been Outspoken Try To Be Considerate Yet Ppl Feel They Can Treat U Like A Doormat Or Nothing I Say Has Value Not Every Person Alot Of Times Ppl Ignore Cuz I'm U Know A FruitLoop & I'm Cool With That😂I Am 56 Still Growing Up😂Anyways Just Saying Hey & Love To Learn So Thank U Again😁U Told Me To Comment So I Am Thank U & May God Bless U😁

When you said “eager to be included” and being friendly to the wrong people, oh man I felt that. I think us INFJs have a good understanding of what it is like to be alone vs feeling alone because we dealt with this early on. Now thinking on it, a lot of kids and their parents avoided me because their first impressions of me weren’t good but once they got to know me (very rarely happens) they eased up and liked me a lot and I got included to do things with them.

Thanks, Ren! As always, I can relate to a lot of this - but especially the end where you talked about academics - I was generally a good student, followed the rules because I wanted to please the teacher, but I felt like college was where I thrived - in part because I could choose the subjects to focus on. But also, my creativity is primarily expressed through writing, and since many of the classes I took were writing intensive, I was able to develop my creativity quite a bit!

I was alone most of the time but not always lonely. I was always by myself playing in my own world. Vivid imagination. Feeling different and that no one understood me. Unlike too but always trying to fit in. But I just didn't. It makes sense now.

I've had similar experience aswel, but I was very competitive at sports to the point of gross but I lost interest in most of them as a teen. I used to get furious playing badminton if I was paired with someone who was not as good as me.i literally just remember now that I couldn't watch people do certain tasks because I was so critical of their motor skills.quite embarrassed actually at how bothered I would get. i think I dropped perfectionism at twenty when I stopped caring so much.i remember all my childhood in detail.I was such a sponge and it hurt soaking up all those playground injustices.i was a total observer so I knew everyone's place and how we were all different and yet connected. I felt especially different.friends always loved me and stayed close, I was kind and timid and popular kids liked me also but I always kept enough distance not to be popular as I feared expectations put on me. but it wasn't until I was 22 that I noticed that I needed 'me time' and that conflicted a bit with friendships, college and employment relationships.people had expectations of my time and I felt smothered by it.i could go on for hours.but overall i knew I was different and I knew I was special in the sense that there was a reason I was not blending in fully and I always wondered when that would reveal to me.

When I was in middle school through high school (probably some in elementary but less clear memories), I always identified more with the adults around me than any of the other students. I'd have a book and/or books with me everywhere I went and would find quiet places whenever I could for the most part. The librarians, administration, and some teachers were really great and would let me sit by some of their desks before classes started or let me help with some of their tasks in the background (I was way ahead of my typing classes and had a complicated bout of appendicitis during the year I was in JROTC so I couldn't participate in the same physical activities as the other students for much of that time). I had a lot of acquaintances but extremely few close friends. I think I visited someone else's house a grand total of twice during high school. 😅 I saw the party culture around me (was in Miami, FL at the time), but it just wasn't anything I could identify with. At the time my siblings and I were helping to take care of my mom and had to be much more serious about things in general due to that, other family expectations/complications, etc. My mom used to always say that I had a "very high radar," but that was partially due to a need to be safe from family dynamics and an urge to "manage" expectations and such in order to try and smooth likely fraught encounters as much as possible ahead of time. For both my younger siblings and myself (though I found out much later that my sister resented that 😅). The characters in the books I read felt like real people, which I identified much more with than most of those around me, and while I knew they were fictional, I would immerse myself with them, pay attention to the inner and inter-personal relationships and observations between the characters and environment, and learn some from those observations (appreciating that the world was created by the author's level of input/background/detail/experience). I definitely felt like an odd one out, but like you said, I definitely didn't glorify it. Except for the "odd one out" clique, I really didn't fit in with any of the others. I was casual friends with a lot of the "smart kids", but didn't consider myself within the top tier, and didn't really blossom into a similar level of devotion until college (magna cum laude). In some ways, a lot of similarities to the dynamics/identity you mentioned!

Yes and Yes :) resonate with you. I was bullied, teased, misunderstood and rejected alot. We have a very rich inner world. I was called weird, strange, freak and odd. It was then very hurtful boy did I cry alot. Tortured for sure. People pleased alot. However most of that was also living in a dysfunctional family too. I absorbed everything and every one. It wasn't until 4 years ago I discovered I am an Empath/Indigo & obviously now an INFJ. So here we are navigating through this journey. And yes there are still people currently even in the Empath communities that don't know how to perceive me or what a great mystery I am. lol .sometimes we are just not everyone's cup of tea. I have very few close friends/soulmates. However not all is lost have a husband and daughter who love me just the way I am. It's all good. Thank you Ren wonderful sharing and insight. Much Love & Grateful

I felt different bc I was more in my head contemplating, but also ppl did like me, myself didn't consider "friends"... I had clear ideas who I would rely... I was n lot of art activities and helped me to be more social... I never felt as like the rest of my family members parents or sisters, I was the more settle, and trying to maintain harmony , and lot of times sacrificing my needs but also strong beliefs from early on about injustice, so even tho I don't enjoy contributions I would not mind to defend ppl who was vulnerable. Not n a aggressive way but by be there for them and make them feel accepted.

This video was quite interesting to watch! especially since i'm still a "child" lol, i'm 17. so i remember being very shy as a child. especially around adults. i always judged myself and didn't like to act like a child and i thought that would make people like me. but for example my cousin would like say silly things, overtalk and be naughty and i would silently judge him. but adults liked him more and i remember that used to confuse me. in elementary school, outside my school there weren't kids my age in my neighbourhood and i would just somehow become the leader of the younger kids at the playground and i would give them lessons about morality haha. i didn't have trouble making friends because even though i'm shy at first i'm just very good with people and i find a way for them to like me. i can't approach anyone and say "let's be friends" but a lot of people approach me and therefore i've never had trouble finding friends. i remember starting many school years with a mindset like "i'm gonna act like a total outsider this year, i'm gonna be a nerd, i won't talk to anyone" and i feel like that's the kind of person i want to be but every first day someone new or my present friends would approach me and by the end of the day i would get mad at myself for not sticking to the plan. i search for very close relationships with people but i can't imagine that kind of a relationship with someone who is less intelligent than me or someone other than me... i keep imagining myself in such a relationship and that thought just makes me happy. i have friends, even a best friend?? but i often feel very uncomfortable when i can't feel her sincerity. i feel like i just came here to rent i'm sorry this is a painfully long comment i'll stop

I don't remember much from my childhood. I had some out of body experiences as a kid and I was invested in my thinking mind as a toddler to around the age of 8 and then I was a lot more social. Still very awkward and different but fairly charismatic. I'm very different now xD

Ren-- it's slightly funny (in an insightful and beneficial way) seeing another male INFJ processing his emotions and perspectives outwardly... It's especially interesting when we get a new insight in the moment and we kind of "surprise" ourselves by tasting what our Ni was cooking XD

I totally can relate to your experience as a child. The feeling of trying to belong or fit in in any social setting. Even if people always feel safe with our personalities because of our gentle nature. The feeling of having to stay in the present and enjoying the moment often is a struggle because we often imagine a lot of things unconciously.

Hey, Ten! I'm happy I'm hearing a story of an INFJ who wasn't bullied at school. Most of the stories I've heard, mine including, are about bullying.

I think a "past history" is a relevant distinction to make for those who understand history to always be in the making; a living document. It is a more traditional school of thought that understands history as a recording (not matter how subjective) of the past, and they shouldn't assume every other historian/ history enthusiast sees history the same way. Or perhaps a "past history" makes more sense to Ni doms because of an incapability to separate the time tenses? It does seem unreasonable to do so. I've recently been having flashbacks of how I behaved as a child that I now understand to be INFJ related (and autistic related and now anxiety related and sensory overstimulation related cause they all seem related and inseparable to me. Is this autism? or anxiety? or INFJ? who can tell the difference anymore?), so I am glad and excited to watch this video, late as I am to it. It also makes me love how uncannily efficient my algorithm is. The memories just have to be released from their repressed, suppressed, unconscious states for youtube to give me what I thought of.

Hi Ren, thanks alot for taking my suggestion omg you made me so happy such a great video to start my day ...umm do you think you had a phase of maladaptive day dreaming .... I felt the same way , out of place and I sensed whether people enjoyed me being around or not ...but yeah always felt like an outcast.. and Oooo this might sound strange but I'm a very close friend to my highschool English teacher even after 3 years of leaving school and her leaving the country... I don't know all my friends seem to be older, even as a child . I feel myself around them and that I don't have to loose myself to be accepted on the contract I'm praised for being me which is incredibly AWESOME.

I thought I heard the Irish influence in your voice! Grew up primarily in an Irish family. Spent most of my childhood reading outside. Always felt like a human emotional barometer for the family.

As a child I thought I was different from others too it wasnt like a ego different I was able to talk to adults better than I was kids I extroverted and changed to a different person when I played with the girls in my school for some reason I don't know why but I felt pressured by society to play with boys instead so this resulted in me finding a bad bunch of friends back in elementry school that I held till the beginning of middle school, they wanted to do drugs I did some, but the day after I remember my mom saying to me that if you see your friends as bad influences or are affiliated with anything bad sever them from your life. This was easy because I never really talked to them honestly I was seen as the quiet and nice kid to them I never even knew why I had them as friends with them all i did was stand there. so I would just sit at different places alone examining everyone who my mind deemed worthy to open up to then I eventually found my long term friends I can actually speak out loud and laugh it was great and also it was funny because my old friends seemed to not even care that I left so I guess I dodged a bullet there.

Active imagination is how I labeled my brain. Vivid. You bet! I can stare out the window and go anywhere lol Past, present, future...without feeling time passes. Not part of ANY group in school, or now. Was from time to time but I still didn't feel totally apart of the group. More like a mediator for those around me. I was friends with all cliques in highschool. I was always more alone than in groups. Overly anxious to be accepted until I was 30. Just turned 34 so 4 years of beginning my epic life without caring what others think of me or if they want me around. I love myself enough now that I'm older. Not looking to others for validation...and it's making people reject me. Because I am not easily controlled and don't fall for anyone's lies. I see right through them and can predict to the month or week when they were going to do something. Especially if it was a narcissist turning on me. I'm WAY too honest. People haaaaate it. Lol All my teachers said I was so defensive. I was defense position in every sport I played. I feel ya

Related to this completely, felt a strong disconnect between my peers and what was genuine

Very interesting video. I made me think about the ISFJ and the similarities considering you spoke extensively about Fe in this video. Both the INFJ and ISFJ have Fe and Ti in the same auxillary and tetiary slots so they ought to be quite similar. I would love it were you to make a video on this topic of comparing the ISFJ to INFJ as children as my wife is an ISFJ. Thankyou, Ren.

OMG IT was so Nice to hear your story. IT Just felt like I was looking to myself. Amazing. I had a very troublesome childhood. NEVER could fit in no MATTER howi HARD i triied. Now much older I accepted IT and embrace me being different and sometimes feel detached. But IT takes time to recognize what is going on. You are very Young and GOOD FOR you to sort out so soon. VERY CLEVER GUY, YEP AN INFJ for SURE... Love that and like to hear all of your aspects of LIFE. And how you cope and hear and see your different insight OR point of view. You know I can feel very lonely sometime. I AM SURE You know what I mean.... Greetings... Hans

Yes, I can relate to this:: I had unemotional parents and a very charismatic brother. I wanted to fit in like him, but not really liking the people I hung out with at schooll, always trying to be nice but not getting anything in return. Growing up has really been challenging but it's been much better. I think maybe INFJs are late bloomers, I'm still learning a lot :-)

The dissociation during sports was shockingly familiar; did the some thing while playing hockey.

I remember looking in the mirror at the age of around 10 and saying to myself "You're weird, and that's ok." Increasingly I wore my weirdness like a badge. I remember seventh grade was difficult but by the time I became a senior in high school I had many friends from several different groups. Groups who didn't exactly care for each other (eg the metal heads and the drama/art crowd) but I got along well with them nonetheless.

I completely relate when you said that you tried to align with other people's opinions of you. I'm fully aware of them too. I'm still in high school, and I am a massive loner. I wish I could belong more.

I struggled to mix at school in a big way. I lived near the school so went home every lunch time. I didn't understand all the teasing and competitive behaviours. Teachers told my parents my friends (the few) were nowehere near as intelligent as me. I would have lots of neuroses and would have something I was fixated on for a while. I could mix better with adults as a teen. I was totally absorbed by the music of Mike Oldfield, who I felt understood me more than anyone I knew.

I couldn't be a part of groups and this included my family. I was on the outside alot. I couldn't be popular because it was something I couldn't express myself as a popular person.

I had a happy childhood, but a confusing and occasionally turbulent time as a teenager (I suppose this is true for all types, but as an INFJ you experience everything differently). My family moved around every few years, so I never got to spend more than five years in any one school. Perhaps this resulted in the development of aloofness from reality and a habit of not committing myself to the present, or allowing myself to get too comfortable with the status quo. An immature and poorly developed form of stoicism, if you will. My relationship with school mates was mostly superficial, with a handful of exceptions. I found myself naturally excluded from certain groups / tribes, like I knew straight off I didn't belong among the jocks and sporty types, and I didn't really fit in with the studious nerds either. I kinda found their thirst for knowledge insincere, they typically had attitudes oriented towards scoring high marks and viewed learning as a means to an end, rather than a mindset. (I realize this is a very pretentious thought to express.) I was comfortable - to the extent that we can be around others - with the oddballs, the naive guys with sophisticated tastes, idiosyncratic in one way or another. I was bullied a few times, but it was not a defining feature of my childhood and I certainly do not view my experiences through the prism of abuse or harassment. I was decent enough academically in sciences as well as the arts, but I could never shake the feeling that I wasn’t quite delivering the level of performance in tests and exams that my teachers expected for someone of my caliber or intelligence. I also remember being extremely sensitive and it was not difficult to make my tear glands go into overdrive with the slightest offhand remark or unexpected situation. I was in 1st grade, and once my bus was late by 10 minutes, and that was enough to activate the tear glands! Until about the age of 13, I couldn't even watch movies or TV shows where a character was in emotional distress. I would just remove myself from the room and take a bathroom break or pretend that I'd forgotten something, and return once I was "stable" (or the traumatizing scene had passed). It was extremely embarrassing in social settings, and I'm pretty sure I fooled no one. I'm tempted to classify this weakness as a disability, but of course real disabilities are far more serious. To a lesser extent, it was the same with music and books. I remember being routinely disappointed with film adaptations of books I'd read (Harry Potter, Eragon to name a few) because the adaptation was so pale in comparison to the rich world I'd developed in my head. When it was the other way around (reading the original after having watched the adaptation), I was disappointed by the lack of detailed description of the characters, and frustrated by the passages of inconsequential prose instead of thick plotting. And like you, I was aware I was a bit different from most kids, but I didn't assert this difference until I was in college and I saw other people following their own paths, free from constant parental oversight. There I had space to explore and choose classes I wanted to study, rather than following a pre-defined curriculum. Edit: just read some of the comments. Fascinating how we share so many similar traits and interpret our experiences in more or less the same manner.

I would like to suggest A video about the infj and lessons in life or ethical/moral lessons that you follow as a kid and teen years

One thing I remember clearly is I can completely ignored eveything & everbody in the classroom & just focus on the speaker. If I close my eyes I could clearly see EVERYTHING that the speaker is talking about & if somebody coughs or distracts me, I snap out of it instantly. It's as if it is so easy to meditate out of reality & go back here.

I found a way to have fun as a child but I wouldn’t want to repeat. I acted grown up but it was baloney. I still have some immaturity I guess or I’m childlike in some areas while definitely not. I don’t think at this point I will change that. My middle son was in early sports and the ball could go over his head and the kids rush by going the opposite direction and he was deep in a story acted out with swordplay or whatever.

I'm an INFJ, everything you said I've been struggling as an accountant. I know the idea and have the experience, when I can't articulate well, people think I don't get it...

I’m several years late but I can relate to all of this.

Just thinking out loud. Is there a correlation between being infj and not being able to become plus size🥴

What does the inner child look like for an INFJ?

I'm not alone!!! WOAAAH BABY

I definitely wanted to be cool. In order to do that I had to imitate some behaviors but still was terribly shy and not great on eye contact. I was in my own world, drawing pictures of the teachers behind my book. Luckily they didn’t catch me as they were exaggerated caricatures. They weren’t to hurt them. I thought they were funny and I was bored.

I know i was different from a very young age I am a senior i am just beginning to learn about INFJ PERSONALITY. what age did you find out?

You may be surprised to find out that many of the kids you thought you didn't have any real affect on, were quite touched by your presence. You just weren't aware of it.

Im the only one in my family that's this way, that's why I'm an outcast...the older i get the wotse it gets. Im sick of being a lone wolf....

Same

If you know an INTP that you think you could be friends with, be friends with them, we are a really loyal type

My brother is an INFP too! Lol

Jesus Christ was a real being God in man on earth. Be very aware swearing his name repent guys coz he loves you

Bro, is he Irish or French?? Oh nevermind

To be honest as a child I recognized I was different and didn’t have a lot of friends. I tried my best to fit in with people but when I saw I couldn’t I unexpectedly accepted it. It was kinda sad now that I’m older. But when I was a child it was more of a survival instinct for my own benefit. In my teenager years it mattered more where I wanted to be cool but as a young young child in elementary I didn’t care. Though to be fair I was bullied a lot more in elementary school that probably played a part.I always always self conscious and self ware of my surrounding. I didn’t want to put myself where I would be targeted.