I previously forgot to mention ... another important issue is, I for one is basically reserve in nature, and do not flirt, but when I am being influence by a more extroverted individual that seems 'nice' are interested in me, I use to let my guard down which is dangerous. We must constantly have our guard up, and ask the obvious questions for self-preservation. Many people take our kindness for weakness and use us without conscience.
We can be open and ourselves from the start but a little gentle interrogation wouldn't go astray before we get serious. We can fall hard and fast in romance because we tend to love people in general aswel.
Yes. I agree 100%. INFJs want to make everyone feel comfortable, but we cannot make everyone comfortable. We have to make sure our-self is comfortable with the person or situation. We must not sacrifice ourselves. The key is boundaries. Slow down and think clearly and slowly... question... does this person or situation is up to our standards, will we be taken advantage of, etc. We need to stop lowering our standards, that is the key. Basically INFJs have pure integrity, its authentic and scary at the same time, and we have to keep our integrity in tact, no exception. Lets face it we are a rare type, and must protect our self worth. When we lessen our integrity that is when we make dangerous mistakes. The only one that suffers basically are the INFJs. I think this is the reason why we are hesitant to get involved with anyone romantically or personally; we rather counsel or console because we have a tendency to put 110% into the passion of our endeavors. Self worth, we are worth the very best in relationships and situations, do not lower our standards, its hard but we must always do it for self-worth and happiness. No exception! I learned this the hard way and survived the consequences. Now I try very hard to put myself first and not go overboard with emotions, but test the waters first... is this what I really want or need, am I comfortable or uncomfortable ethically, etc. Do not lower your integrity for others period! Sorry for the long-winded paragraph! :)
yeah I wish I watched these vids and read your comment 1 month ago.... I learned the hard way and I think I have brain damage now hahahhahahah (seriously this hurts)
Believe it or not, often I don't realize that I speak in a flirtatious way. Then I can see some guys are flirting back. Right away, in my head, I am like...oh no. Fortunately, I am not attractive enough to get attention from guys. This kind of awkward situation doesn't happen often.
I can totally agree with leaning towards pleasing. I used to just get together with someone and wait for love to "happen". It never did! I only found my life partner when I let go of all expectations and was myself 100%
PS I've always been told I am very bad at flirting (I guess because I never did it) I also have trouble noticing someone likes me. I guess that's an infj thing...
@@itsaishawhite me neither. I'm just being friendly and I treat everyone with the same amount of respect and friendliness. This is the first thing, that I really don't flirt ever (funny, i've just come to notice). Secondly, because of my shy and vulnerable core, I would actively avoid showing that I'm interested in someone - for example by avoiding looking at that person - which is quite obviously so stupid. But I just can't help it. The only reasons why I have been able to be in relationships anyways, were by help of friends or just by guys that had an enormous amount of interest and patience. Lucky me. My ENFP friend for example, she is an absolute pro at flirting. It just comes so naturally to her. At one moment in my life I've tried to copy some aspects of her flirting style, but well, it just doesn't work for me. I guess I just have to accept that and keep on being me.
PS: Just found this funny post on thoughtcatalog.com on the INFJs flirting style: Flirting: Convinces themselves they don’t know how to flirt. Acts awkward around their crush. Finally gets comfortable, relaxes, and actually flirts with their crush. Realizes this, and becomes self-conscious. Repeat. Fling: Makes a tinder profile, engages in it for about 24-48 hours, then promptly deletes everything before any potential fling can even start. Relationship: Keeps their emotional guard up for a considerable period, test once they establish they can trust you, they will open up your entire world to their incredible thoughts and deeply empathetic nature- and you’ll wonder how anyone else could’ve ever understood you this much. does it resonate with some of you, too? :)
Hello Ren! Well, I must have the ENFJ energy. My problem is people think I'm flirting all the time with everyone when really I'm just being friendly. My flirting style is a bit nuanced and has two extremes- completely non verbal or filled with sexual innuendos. So unfortunately people don't always pay that close attention to the differences in which I communicate. So there ends up being quite a few confused people. But I gotta be me and have accepted this is just the way it is for me.
i find it the easiest to flirt is to just be open and say whatever tf you want in terms of what the conversation is about. i like to be playful and goofy so usually it comes off as pure fun and humor. i can easily pick up signals from the other person so if i sense something i can just change the energy/convo. it’s important for the INFJ to assert themselves in flirting (in a non toxic way, again just being genuinely the person you are) because we are naturally caring people so if we can control the convo and show the caring, people will automatically be attracted for that they will become comfortable to open up and be themselves. it’s after that the INFJ decides if they really like this person based on their intuition and judgement (the good kind lol) but it all depends on what the individual is looking for. INFJs can easily spend their whole life sleeping with shallow people if that’s what they wanted. it’s also important to be confident in the person you really are, we don’t have to care about what the words people say but we care about the feelings those words came from. once i realized that it became so much easier to talk to women. i was easily able to go in and out of talking about feelings to being goofy. no disrespect intended but females seem to be naturally more emotional than men so for INFJ guys we already have a head start since we are good at understanding those feelings lol. anyways, i’m writing so much rn, to wrap it up, i think INFJS have a natural attraction to them that makes it possible for them to seduce and flirt by just being themselves which i feel is the greatest shit ever lol. also a key note for SOME people out there but something everyone should remind themselves, these personality types don’t define the person you are. don’t let it box in your soul. look at it as the most microscopic scientific way of your personality.
This is SO true!! Great comment. "i think INFJS have a natural attraction to them that makes it possible for them to seduce and flirt by just being themselves which i feel is the greatest shit ever lol. " This.
@@Kenan99_ Oh yes, brutally. Always been like this. Friends and "family" also. Friends and those "interest" in me in the past also. It is SO easy to tell when they get addicted, and I tend to know, really notice on how someone writes, talks and much more, how they are like you said "obsessed". My friends, and "new" but not as close friends always seemed obsessed by me, especially in "having me for themselves", alone time and phone time and "1 on 1s".
TheAwakenedINFJ yep. the x factor is the ability to read others. INFJs are able to tell if that person is being selfish and wants to use u or are they genuine. also another random thing, i think INFJs could easily steal a narcissist’s girlfriend if they’re around u. i’ve almost had it done so many times but had to stop myself. nowadays tho, if i peep a narcissist and his girl, i’m going in 🤣🤣🤣🤣 asshole empath mode activated
This is so accurate. It's a relief to know that there are people out there struggling with similar issues. Wouldn't tell how many times I entangled myself in relationships of dubious quality, to say the least, just because I 'caught the signal' and threw myself into it blindfolded, with a cocky and falsely flirtatious attitude. Thank you for this great material!
I don’t flirt but when I do, I already like the recipient and making my move. I can string a guy along who’s predisposed to like me but I choose not to. It is nice to have a slave who worship me and be kept in a perpetual “will she be mine” stage but it is a losing game. I learn this by hurting a few guys in my 20s and 30s. Now I am very clear about boundary. I don’t get in-depth convo with guys I am not interested.
Sometimes people misread my stare. More than once someone said “it’s obvious you and I have this mutual attraction…” and it couldn’t be farther from the truth.
infjs should not be sending a lot of sms, because even though their good writers, the other person will feel overwhelmed by constantly having to deal with a perfect writing machine replying to them
I find being an INFJ male and dating/love life somewhat a lifes journey. Im 45 now and have learned a lot and still learning. When I tried the whole dating life early on in my teens and early 20s i struggled. I knew i was different and didnt like it. I tried everything i could to be "normal" but always labeled and funny or weird. Im super charismatic and talk to almost anyone. My problem is id always get friend zoned. I came from a single mother household with no steady father figure who taught me to be nice to women and respect them. LOL oh boy was that bad advice. Anyways, being an INFJ and coming from a broken home has made it hard for me and dating. Part of it is me too, cause i love my alone time.
I don't believe I have ever flirted. I'm not keen on the concept to be honest...and I don't like the sound of the word - it sets my teeth on edge, somehow! That probably makes me sound...I don't know...a bit too serious in these matters? 🤔 But aside from that, I also have difficulty recognising it in others at times...and imagine it's happening even when it isn't on occasion. And yet I can usually spot another's intentions a mile off in most other matters in life...🤔
@@RensRoom Actually people are quite stoic here too. There is a word often used to describe the Scots that is similar in some ways. It's "dour". It's a stereotype - that's true - but like all stereotypes there is an element of truth in it. 😆
People have to qualify themselves in order to be my friend to begin with. I know that sounds a little bit mean. But if I'm going to sacrifice some alone time to invest in them, it's gotta be worth it. My last boyfriend was a narcissist, and I'm never doing that again. It's not like I'm gunshy. I'm an empty nester, and I actually really like it.
I'm an INFJ, haven't made a move on a woman since 2000 to date....bak up. I left my wife in 2000 she was very abusesive so 20yrs without a woman is devastating to me. I need one now and i found a nive woman... We talk but i want to make a move but i don't want to sabatage myself with this one. She thow me hints but I don't realize it till i leave the store...... Hey brother can you please send me some tips on what to do. My biggest problem is im in my head thnx brother
Crush: "How are you?" Me: **How AM I? I'm the best you've ever had, Baby. I'm the one who's going to light your fire, who will make a man out of you. Get me out of my head and into my body. I'm ready.** "Good." Crush: "Cool." Me: **That's all you have to say? What did I ever see in you? Eh, I'm bored with this chase. I'm going back to my mind cave.** "Cool." Crush: "Alright, see ya!" Me: **Why do I struggle to build a relationship? Oh, right. Eh, at least I don't have to deal with in-laws.**
This is very complicated and hard for me to immediately absorb fully. I've been hamstrung in the past by believing men who have lied to get past clearcut boundaries, only to hate myself for trying and trusting them. Flirting is easy, anything beyond that is incomprehensible bullsh*t to me. Trust is a joke.
I think we can be as bold as the rest of them with flirting if we choose,it comes down to our current state and what we want to achieve.this topic could go on forever...so much to say about it. I think being an empath can almost suffice as flirting in a way because some people are not used to been atruistically cared about and take it as flirting or interested, and this can set the dating in motion, the danger here is attracting co-dependencies etc... It's been my case that I did not need to deploy flirting in previous relationship startups as I heavily attracted past partners with essentially been open and caring.that was very eye opening when I spotted that pattern.id imagine if I had to initiate a flirtatious move, I would not be subtle, but gentle.its interesting ...potentially nerve wrecking as I've never had to. I hope you get lots of responses on this from experienced infjs.
It takes time for me before i show i like the person- when i am sure of what i feel- yes i can be quite blunt about it- but i am true to myself when i do it. I am a flirt hahaha! in your face kinda flirt- some people have a difficulty trying to figure me out- so i show it- and yes i do seduce when i like the guy- but im the type that doesn’t like it when im the one who gets flirted (maybe bevlcause i was m01e$ted when i was young). So its more of me moving, until im okay with it then its all the way from there. I like merds- i like smart guys- also with glasses is a plus? ahaha
Would you say you're pretty aware of it when someone is flirting/interested? I'm often oblivious to it unless of course its absolutely blatant. I've asserted myself at different points based on a sense that someone is interested rather than concrete evidence and have had varying degrees of success.
I'd be acutely aware someone's interested with very little output on their part, but that wouldn't be enough to act on my part...stranger things have happened so if I felt compelled I'd go out of my comfort zone. Making the first move though....the old adage that it should be the male pursuing... I hold that adage lol... But who knows.
Emma carey I do like the idea of the guy asking first but I have also gotten someone’s number from a friend for example. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I was so bold at times.
@@itsaishawhite that was brave and admirable. and I'm guessing it gave you spades of confidence to do it again. its just programming aswel in my mindset that the guy should move towards me, I can definitely erase that. Exciting times ahead.
@@itsaishawhite there's a first time for everything I guess. Still I might rest on my laurels for a bit and leave it up to the gentleman:) all the classic literature and the romantic blockbusters did quite a number on the female psyche lol.
Again so true Ren. In romance we have to be very carefull. Not to het to much head over heels. So IT is easy for is to PLEASE others no matter what. But than where are we, and the DANGER to Lose our precious authenticity .....Just to make others happy...
Have sacrificed myself to the point of bunjy jumping, so to say, for the sake of men i loved, not even thinking of myself and the cost of it to myself, my safety, my own heart etc. The ideal of selfless love or a total love is something obviously i have learnt with years was a wrong perception that i need to balance and learn to put myself first sometimes.
OK. So, let me understand this...Do not go up to someone who you are interested in and say, "hi, I am intrigued slightly by your moderately good looks and your not so award winning smile?" Or..."you wanna read a book together?"
chameleon - only short social encounter extraverted feeling or stare - reading what makes the other person feel the way they do, just helping or connecting for greater good, I'm selective now personal bubble - exclusive to long term friendship or relationship where we declare who we are and commit to the bond, no filter, no pretense, no compromise, well I'm almost always there not quite but will soon be, just unloading emotional baggage, refining my goals, destroying old patterns 😅
You can implicitly know something to be true but to hear it come from another person can be a confidence building experience. Thank you for your videos. 😊
I believe we strive for pure balance.....in everything. This is where we find harmony. Its important to choose and pick our battles wisely. Being balanced in seeking balance.
Because INFJ are walking contradictions I feel they give off so much mix signals. My INFJ told me she started touching me and still did not like me for a long time. You know why she started liking me? Because her daughter was asking her if I can be her dad. Like that is why I like INFJ because they see morals and values as important but what I feel like they fall short is that they don't see the good person as their mate if that person was there in front of them. I asked her and she said it's because we knew eachother for 13 years but did not want to make the first move. But she has told me in the past that every guy she met once she put them in the friendzone is there for life unless they get door slammed.. lol I will one day write a book on INFJ's contradictions because no youtuber seems to really share this. Which I believe would help the others personalities understand them more lol.
