Benjamin Tod | "Ballad of Spider John" | Western AF 

Never a new song. Just a new moment in time captured of ben in the wild.

Yup I never cared to click on new videos from other artists but I know Ben will not disappoint tho.

For sure I must have accidentally changed my subscription preferences on this channel cuz I never got a notification for this one but I'm stoked I just found it by happenstance! Ben is the best of the best! 👌

Took the words right out of my heart

Good call. Same here.

Yup !!! Used to listen to that video all the time

good taste amigo

Four or five years ago, I was going mad with stress and grief while caring for my wife on her journey with dementia. I was alone and although it was far too much and although I was vaguely aware it was killing me, I was unwilling to "give up" and find a place for her that could take better care of her. I was in terrible shape and failing to care for her in loving, devoted ways, as I so desperately wanted to. Then, one day I stumbled on the documentary Heartworn Highways, which introduced me to the spiritual grandparents of Benjamin Tod, and so many others in his cohort currently. Townes Van Zandt, Guy Clark, Steve Earl, and lots of others are in it, and their music spoke to me as nothing had before. In exploring their music, I was led naturally to Benjamin and others, and without a doubt, it saved my life, discovering them all. As you say, it's still a battle inside me, but I have music that speaks directly to me, both present and past, and that is not only comforting, but it's also a handhold for me when I lose my bearings and feel like I'll go spinning off into space from the intensity of my physical/mental experiences. I'm so grateful. Peace, my friend. I wish you all good things.

Sometime last year, late at night after watching an episode of a Western series on t.v., I unexpectedly began to talk out loud to myself. I had no idea what I was going to say, I just said it. "It isn't my shame, it's his." "How could I possibly have known?" "I couldn't know!" "He did it to me, it's his shame to carry!" And then, "I was undiagnosed, I didn't know. All my life, I didn't know." "I tried so hard, but I didn't know how, so no wonder I failed." "I thought I was someone I wasn't, how could I know?" "It wasn't my fault!" "I did my very best in my ignorance." "I tried! Every goddamn moment of every day, I tried!" "How could I know?" And as I continued, with more and more emphasis and force, I came to this soft, peaceful place inside where it all fell away. In that moment, I put aside my self-hatred, self-blame, judgment, and incredibly, the shame that along with the rest had filled every moment of every day and colored my entire perspective of myself and my place in the world. That self-hatred and shame and my absolute conviction that I was broken, were foundational aspects of my very Self. I never even considered what life might be like without them. It would have been like imagining life without breathing or my heart beating, they were so ingrained in me. I never thought I'd become an elephant either, it was that unimaginable. But that night, I had the strangely gentle and not-at-all earth-shattering realization that they no longer made any sense to hold onto. After speaking all that out loud, seeing the truth of it, and really believing it, I saw that none of it served me and it wasn't reality. So I just gently set it down, as I would a too-heavy backpack on the trail, and I walked away. Just like that, with no fanfare and no big declarations or promises to myself. I just walked down the path and left it all behind. It's been nearly a year and I've grown sure they're gone for real. The months since have been all about learning how to live life without them and how to look back at my life without all that self-judgment and shame, but instead with compassion and love. What a trip! Looking back over my life I see the insane things I did that hurt me and others, the outrageous risks I took with my life and the lives of so many innocent others, and all the chaos and failures that ran through it all. I see so clearly now, that those were all things I did when I didn't know myself or how to live in the world. I was flailing around so much because I was trying to be the person everyone said to be when I couldn't. I'm not structurally able to, it's not possible. I thought it was a character flaw but it's not, it's just that I need to learn who I really am and act according to that, not whatever "normal people" do. Everybody says you should do that, but much of the time, they really don't like it when you actually live your true self and life. I have to make peace with knowing I'm automatically alienating a huge swath of society by being myself. I'm learning that's okay, that they aren't people I'm interested in anyway. They're looking for someone I'm not and that's fine. Anyway, here I am, almost 60 years old, and finally I'm slowly learning what it is to live in truth and honesty and as myself. Each day I discard more and more of the beliefs and judgments I took in from society and other people, and more and more I learn what my own beliefs are and how to embrace and live them. I wrote all that just to say that I hope so much that you can have a taste of the deep pervading peace that can fill the space that formerly contained all that shame and self-hatred. If nothing else, I can tell you there's something on the other side of shame, and it's pretty fucking cool. It can happen. If hoping is too much for you (as it's too much for me these days), perhaps just the knowledge it's possible can sit in the back of your mind, so you can see it when it comes, and grab it with both hands. I wish you all good things, and an end to shame. Peace

Buffett introduced me to this song also. RIP Jimmy

There are lots of us who do my friend... Thing is we all get caught up in our own little webs and turn inward instead of outward causing us to live a life of solitude, feeling we are the only ones who understand how we feel. Just know that you are not alone.

all hail