Benjamin Tod from Lost Dog Street Band, "Using Again," // GemsOnVHS™ 

Audrey Chase

GemsOnVHS my favorite spot for great artist. One day I hope to grace this channel

Many of these performances sound better than the album cuts. Your engineer deserves big love.

RU-vid is free.

Shit I wish I could but times are tough and I'm just trying not to use again... This song among others on this channel keep me going. Soon as work starts again I would love to contribute! Love this stuff!

thanks brother. i love you too.

Thank you brother. Found this song a few years ago during one of my relapses. When I saw your comment it reminded me of a fellow in my home group that always used that phrase👍🙏We do recover 🙏

Thank you bubba I love all y’all

Same to you brother 💪

Omh... are you still here?

Wishing you well Derrick Coyle on your fight for sobriety. It’s 8 months since your comment and hopefully things have looked up for you since.

Fuck man. I wish people could talk to me right now.

Luke Azbell go to a meeting man. I promise if you go and tell people you need help they will at least in NA. I can't speak for other programs. But I have been to NA meetings all over the eastern side of the U.S. and always felt at home

Keep your head up man. You should be proud of 47 days. I'm a year & a half clean with the help of Subutex. Without it I wouldn't be here. Take it one day at a time & remember life is precious.

Derrick Coyle keep on keepin' on

Indeed.

I agree with you to an extent, but this song is 100% about drug abuse, and only those that have stared into that horrible abyss can truly understand and feel it.

Amen brother

100,%. I’m 9 years off heroin an almost 2 from alcohol. I still sob every time I I’m hear this song

Yea but if you’ve ever been as misfortunate enough to experience it you might just have a deeper feeling of what it feels like being “not good enough” as you put it. However that’s a fainting feeling compared to the despair, disappointment, self loathing, bottom scum piece of trash feeling one can get to should you slip & fall along the users tightrope rite back in the shit. The last thing on your mind will probably feeling not good enough for someone else because at that time you’re not even good enough for yourself. FYI you don’t want to play the “how low” card with a x-junkie. You ain’t never gonna win that one.

ya that's HARD but expected. You can only do what you can do and unfortunately is not that much. Aint your fault

Sorry to hear

I listen to Tyler Childers Nose to the Grindstone in the same way. I got clean and my buddy didn't but he would always send me that song and tell me he envied my sobriety. keep your head up, It takes people willing to relate and encourage someone if they are going to have any chance at all. Opiates ain't worth it boys.

I lost alot of friends over 2020-2022.. the world has sure changed for the worst.

@@chelsijowers7182 🖤

my man

do you know the picking pattern?

c major d minor g sharp and f sharp

its actually four chords but great point as a beat can do wonder with truthful lyrics

@@nicholasrourke3836 I see D major then c then walk it down to g. I don't hear any minors. But that's just my ear

Congrats!!

Thank you for that been clean ten years started out as fun ended up with a gun in my mouth..thank God

Keep it fresh xo

Thums up for you,Susanna!

And now?? I'm 2 days clean (i know thats nothing) but i'm severely feeling it today. And i know it's gonna be hard for a lot longer...thoughts of leading a 'normal' life again scares tf outta me. Anyway,hope your still on top of it...respect✊

Same

Congrats guys, hope you’re still sober. I’m coming up on 60 days

This hits the feelers 😢

Same bro… 4 years clean and this hits hard.

You got this man

Good luck. You can do it.

Hey man, stay up and stay sober ... HB is a hard place to do so but I wish you nothin but the best down there bro.

Hhh

Stick it out buddy. You’ve got this

Wow dude! Congratulations my friend! I'm in Washington and have been through relapses and treatment up here so sort of know some of your experience. Thanks for sharing your success and good luck in the future.

Hell yeah my friend! Glad you're doing well!

Congrats brother I'm proud of you my friend never give up and stay strong

I see this and can tell you 17 yrs for me and can be in your future keep it up.

Keep trucking on. It is possible. 6 yrs clean myself. It can be done.

proud of you

That's cool I honestly could only imagine the awesome stories this dude has to tell

I like this dude

I wish my son could've had a drink with him. He loved this mans music more than anyone else.

Jealous. I'm a recovering heroin addict this song always made me cry

@@loose_phlegm3047 3.5 yrs off that shit bro..for me..Im a lifetime addict..last 20 on heroin b4 I laid it all down..Proud of u man...Get thru today...fuck yesterday. Can't see tomorrow..Peace n strength bro..

18 years meth free. This song still hits hard.

@@papapaul7940 Hang in there, Brother!

Seven years here. Scars feel like they bleedin' but nope. Stay safe comrades.

Found this song while looking for a metal band... Has already changed me. So good.

Hope you’re well, internet stranger.

Agreed

I'm 48....clean since June 30th..off the herion..

@@williamwhiddon4494 how'd you finally kick it bro

If you’ve chased the dragon this song will make your soul cry

I knew his dealer in Asheville NC. Pregnant girl. He never stopped using. If you gave half a fuck Benjamin you would make it right with that girl. Her name starts with C

Yes, but hr has some selfinsight, and then there is some hope(?)

Keep it up Brother!

Chris R PREACH. 🙏

You're awesome Chris, congrats 🙏

Hope you are at 21 months.... just a stranger

I'm sorry you had to go thru that, addiction is a horrible demon that I would not wish on the worsts person in the world.

Big love Steve!! My father was a heroin addict

i'm so sorry

my condolences

I'm so sorry for y'alls loss.

Damn, man! Congrats! Keep that shit up! That’s awesome, amigo

Hope you're still clean internet stranger.

Then he would have blown his arm off

I pray that you are still clean. u r worth loving yourself

Hope you're still clean my friend 66 days for me today.

Amen brother, I'm staying strong here also. This songs has always helped me stay clean, even when I remember using to this very song feeling pretty useless. Now its an anthem of strength for me. God Bless

I hope your still clean Stay Save man

Joshua Haugen one day at a time, it never gets easier but it’s worth the fight 👍

Joshua Haugen stay strong brother!! Life can be shit most of time but just keep pushing forward. I don’t know you but I love you man

ODAAT

Hope your still there 6 months later! And if you’re not it’s never too late man. We’re all here rooting for you dawg

Or “ so I held a needle like a gun in my hand” both really resonate with me very deep down.

Almost every line

Send me to hell with the rest of my friends

He actually sang this line as i read your comment.

"You can send me to hell with the rest of my friends", resonates very strongly with me, lost friends to drugs and suicide, always makes me think he's talking about them.

Stay strong brother.

agnostickamel it really does.

yeah the tears hit me at that one

The mask he made to cope with the life he loathes falls away with every one of his gut wrenching songs, the truth is more than most of us can haul around too long, I hope he fights the demons and reveals the truth we all need

I can surely relate, good sir.

agnostickamel i feel this song deeply. Been fighting addiction my whole life. Started playing guitar and this one is played alot. To all of us hell raisers, addicts, or recovering addicts. Alot of ppl can relate. Great song

God bless y'all I'm praying for you both.

god bless you both

Addiction is the devil,it wraps you up and holds you there. It's the hardest thing to break free from.

suzie bond I hope you both find your peace....I live in my own hell every day...I understand his pain. I wish it on no one

instagram.com/bluebaglife/ You might relate to this x Addiction, Support, Health & Social Care, Prison, Recovery, Death, Love & Blue Bags

Good luck ✌👍

And rebuild you will. Just a little at time my friend.

I've had a deep connection to this song since I first heard it years back now. I just read some of the comments., and I'm in tears, I love you all stay strong my misfit friends, I promise to do the same. THANKS IS ALL I CAN SAY!

I just cant stop the drinks, kicked everything by myself. Lapsed a few months ago but again I kick it. But I love some drinks and bullshitting, everyday I get closer and closer to being the man I wanma become. If Yous ever in georgia holler we can have a fun sober hangout! I have no friends just my dogs and thats the hardest part

@@saucerhead494 if you ever get to Northern Kentucky you're welcome to come hang out.

I'm almost 3 years clean keep going my friend life gets btr.

That's huge progress my friend be proud

finding this 3 months after, hope your still doing good

@Jeremy Fuller thanks for the encouragement but I've fallen off a little

You can do it! 8 years sober here. One day, One step, then the next. Focus on the goal.

yes this is personal tragedy. Beautifully done.

So very true, my friend

This world is a dark place

That's exactly right Williamsjs10.

That is the truth. Self loathing isn't exclusive to addicts.

Love to hear it man stay strong!

I hope you find peace and serenity. Stay strong and stick with your recovery, you can make it through.

Absolutely. More power to you and we live through our connections. One team one dream 😍

Proud of you

Brandon M I hope your still sober!

From somebody who has buried my fair share of loved ones due to addiction I just want to say I am proud of you. Keep fighting the good fight!

yup i was 13 high and 12 sober ... 8/24/22 is 13 high 13 sober ... so i guess im 50% 50% but i wont ever touch fit/heroin ever again... its ppl like this thread that keeps me hopeful

32 yrs addict and a drunk. Im 9 days in.. but money is just around the corner. Its a tuff tuff battle..

@@DaysofNotty it is a battle. I've slipped a few times but got right back on track. I have an amazing treatment team at the VA I go to. My best advice is day by day. If that is too much take it minute by minute or hour by hour. Reach out. Meditate. Change these three things... People, places and things. Change the people you hang around, the places you go and the things you do. I had to move out of state to do it. But you got this. You took the right steps.

Thanks

Recently found out my best friend who recently committed suicide listened to this song and would sing the words out and cry to his girlfriend. LLJC 😇

Much love, thank you

I'm not sure

Hit me in the feels. So random but needed to hear it thanks brother or sister

52 but that's like the new 30 which makes you more like late 40's.

Keep up the good work Mr Willard!

@@Cletus1987 still clean :)

Well put.

I listen to this many times during a 24hr period. I can feel his music through my entire world. It amazes me like I'm seeing it for the 1st time everytime and tears pour freely behind the dark in all our lives

You are a great son, brother and father. Keep it up

Had a friend of mine hang himself about 2 and a half years ago. I still feel so god damned guilty. I saw his path, and turned my back instead of offering a hand. I’m sorry to hear about your brother. I hope you and your family are doing well.

I'm sorry for your loss. I respect the hell outa you for raising the boy into a man.

Im so afraid of losing my brother. I also am using. Life is so hard sometimes.

That's a very touching story, and my heart goes out to you Brother.

First song ever

I've been homeless on the streets smoking meth behind a grocery store in the middle of the night with no clue where my life was headed. thankfully I have a home now. I'm actually doing a lot better than I have been in a long time, I got housing, I got my driver's license reinstated, and I'm back to work part time Unfortunately I also started using meth again and I feel so terrible knowing I'm decieving my friends and family every time I mention that I'm still clean but I don't know how else to deal with my emotions, I have a personality disorder that makes me feel them way too intensely and meth and alcohol seem to be the only things that kind of help me forget or ignore them. Also music like this, it's all a recipe to help me relax and feel like a human again, cause sometimes I forget that I am actually a human 🤔 I don't know why I'm posting this, I'm just high as a kite and feel like getting out some of what I'm feeling to strangers on the internet with the hopes that somebody will read what I have to say, it kind of validates me

@@danielmata7419 hope ur better Daniel, I'm homeless right now, I've been there

That's the kind of story that needs to be shared to new comers. I remember when I first started my journey to recovery. I thought, why try? It seemed impossible to get 1 day over without using. Let alone becoming anything more than an addict that has destroyed everything. Financially I was bankrupt. Spiritually I was also bankrupt. I was broken and thought to myself I'll never be able to do anything more than chase my addiction. It was people like you sharing stories of how it's only too late if you never try. Going from homeless to college degree. Sharing how if you just keep pushing forward then there's no limit to what we can reach. Much like you, I was also homeless and ended up becoming a process engineer. I try to share my story to those that need to know that it is possible to turn it around. Getting clean was the absolute hardest thing I've ever done, but people like you that tell your story of success is like throwing a rope to someone that is stuck in a hole. Congratulations on getting and staying clean. I know, first hand, how difficult it truly is. Congratulations to becoming an electrical engineer. Please keep sharing your experience, strength, and hope.

listen to it every day it hits hard af ... war inside of me.... is fire also

Victory is not what we chase, the fight is never won, because there's always another fight, already waiting - we chase peace and unfortunately, peace for guy's like me, come but one way and one way only...

@@diebebaardeverdamper9562 that's the cycle of thought . It deceives you. When you are ready you will know ...✌👍

It just does ❤

Same ... Very much the same. Thank you for sharing that.

Hope he’s not using.

It's pure poetry.

Same age as your son was 2 years ago and I'm battling addiction and have done for 6 years. We will all get through it.

Were all gonna be ok

I have given up my wife my daughter to be homeless and addicted. I fuckimg hate myself and wish death would end my misery. However I know I must fight. Fight for my life and my daughters future. I just can't quit. Why? Suicide? I don't want to be this anymore

Near Beer ♥️♥️♥️

He is still with you, in your soul

I start work tomorrow. $1k sign on bonus, company vehicle first day, full benefits, $20 and hour and a $2 raise every 90days until you complete your elevator technicians journeymans license at 4yrs...capped off as a tech at $50 an hour...the company gives you a severance option to leave and start your own business or stay with then and get moved from a technician to an executive/management posistion. Guys, I'm super stoked stoked. We just gotta keep pushing. I worked in the oilfield, was an Army medic for 8 yrs and got wounded so I had to leave the service, I worked as a licensed hvac tech and mechanic....just keep pushing and you'll make it. Do what's right and what's right will happen to you!

Jobs going great! I love what I do and a company vehicle with a fuel card is nice as well. Ready to bring home 2018 and kickoff 2019 and keep climbing.

You mentioned not having much time under your belt. I feel in recovery it is not quantity, but quality of days clean that matters. Congrats

Still doing good. Got a $2 raise my first 3 weeks on the job. They've decided to keep me in my own service van riding solo, and I'm up for a large $5 raise in a few weeks. Things are going great GB or the most part still. Spending as much time with my daughters and being able to afford them the gifts, clothes, and good food they deserve has been an awesome feeling as well.

@@just_another_gearhead dude! Thats awesome!!

I was literally sitting here wondering that as I scroll down and see your comment 🤯🤯🤯

Thank you I've always wondered.

Thanks! Funny cuz my son called himself the new American hobo and he didn't know that. RIP Jacob. Now we know.

Thanku

Lived next to tracks a few years. Fed a guy once and had em stop by all the time. Knew they had signals. Good guys all.

I like how he sings to God and constant looks up

Oh man is this the truth

@@elizabethdowling8578 like a fallen angel

Thank you

Sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for your loss it is a very tough road the one you will walk down from here. My husband passed away July 21st 2018 to a fentanyl overdose a he thought he was getting heroin he was given street fentanyl he never had a chance. He had just gotten out of prison was clean for 2 years I was able to overcome my demons my husband sadly never was. God-bless you I pray you find the peace you need to make it through the days

@@cynicalbeauty1980 I'm so sorry for your loss, I know you much miss him so much & I wish the same healing for you. It is a very lonely road..and sad so many others go down it. I wish somehow we can bring them back. But I do believe you will be together again!

@@karrencita1371 ♥️🙏🏻♥️

bless you

Amen I heard this for the first time today.im a year and a half sober and the memories part hit really hard

Wow, man. Congratulations on the sobriety. And thank you for sharing.

Stay strong, brother

I've got 18 years sober now. There several very good reasons why I shouldn't have lived to get sober. But God is fickle indeed and I'm very grateful.

God bless you! I'm still battling addiction and demons but I'm making small bit steady progress. I still get high but I'm handling my business and not just sitting at the bottom of the hole I dug wondering how I'll ever get out. I know now what I have to do and I'm doing it every day. The drugs have been such a crutch for me the past 11 years and this habit is gonna die hard, it just hope the habit dies before I do, I really value life and I don't wanna lose mine

@@danielmata7419 you'll make it out alive!! Keep the faith & fight the hardest opponent you'll ever battle.... YOURSELF!! Try not to be too hard on yourself, you're only human.

So much emotion in such a short song

Dana Hubanks the best lessons don't take much time. Wish I could put this bottle down...

@@billygoatupnorth I'm young, mid 20-s. But i had been drinking since I was 14, and I got bad. At about 22. Id drink a fifth of soco or evan williams every day and at least a 30 pack throughout the day along with it. I used to be able to handle my alcohol really well. I could drink beer all day long and pace myself and not ever get drunk. But I just kept on drinking more and more. Finally I got to where I wanted to be really drunk and not feel any pain at all so I started drinking even more, going out and partying a lot and getting blacked out drunk. I got beligerant, I got suicidal. Over time, I started to become mean and hateful even when I wasnt drinking alcohol. I knew I had to change something but I wasnt strong enough to do it on my own. A few of my friends eventually brought it to my attention also, and I could tell they didnt want to have to say anything cuz they didnt know what I'd say or do, so I knew it really had to be a big deal for them go say something. I mean i was I was an alcoholic and usually drunk, so I can understand why they didnt want to say anything for a while, but I thank God they did. I was headed down a very dark road. I contemplated suicide every single day. I'd sit in my chair sometimes for hours with my pistol in my lap, wondering how in the world I could live without the alcohol to cover up my pain. I didnt think I would be able to live with the pain every day without the help of the alcohol, but I was absolutely wrong. In my case, when I stopped drinking alcohol, it forced me to learn how to cope with my problems and how to take a healthy approach toward fixing them. It was either that or spiral out of control downhill and turn right back toward alcohol and other crutches and I knew I couldn't do that again. I learned that it's much better for you and you're mindset to take your problems for what they are and accept that and try to find a healthy solution instead trying to cover them up. I couldn't just keep covering up the pain any more. I had to change something. And honestly, the longer you suppress those feelings and emotions you've been running from, the more you'll have to face when you do stop. I know it's scary, but bottom line is I thought 100% that I was not going to be able to ever live on this earth without consuming alcohol. I found out that I'm actually much better and mentally stronger because I did quit. At first it's hard cuz its new to you, but it does get easier I promise. Sorry about rambling, just felt the need to share that with you. I wish you the best friend. 👋

It needs another verse

Dana Hubanks this brought a tear to my eye

Great job 👍 keep it up fam. We're proud of you too

you weren't anything but desperate ,you don't need to be down on yourself,this disease is brutal and you are not this disease ,clean your nothing like the disease

I'm going through it right now and I just curious how do I forgive myself for the shit things I do/done like I knows it's not me when I get sober I hate myself

I know I feel like I could hardly play guitar if I felt that way, I would just be upset with myself.

The world would be a better place if I never existed

Shady Side Projects thank you for this

Shady Side Projects thank u

Thank you

All true time to stop the pain

Luke Benoche that is very perfectly said

Jason Wehunt thank you sir. all credit is due to this man, you dont gotta be southern to feel and hear the conviction in his voice. However probably helps i was raised in Tennessee.

You are very right on that. I have listened to all the old hank and Waylon stuff and a lot hank 3. but this guy has something here. it is good to see people who actually are living thru really tough times in their lives not these country pop kids who have no real clue about real struggles.

Jason Wehunt hell yeah brother. sun rise to sun set, we soldier on.

I'm from N.Y. and I can hear it

finalgirl11 check out Tyler Childers

Check out Townes van zandt

Adam Price goat

Carson Volk That’s amazing. Good for you

Thank you jbird.

Addicts are all I know, struggle on brother

Sobriety is obtainable....ive got 4 years sober. Keep your head up

Its been a year since youve left this comment. I hope youre still fighting addiction and on a path to recovery.

Eight months clean all my siblings and cousins are deeply gone as well

you got this friend! If you ever need someone random to reach out to, just reply to this comment

Austin Parker great job. We need more people like us who will talk this over. And to show people we do recover.

Have a good time in life i hope u make it my dude

Never give up on it

Don't give up my friend. Sobriety at all costs....

Beautifully put

Jared Abbott you’re not alone.

Your not alone just reach out... I'm 15 months clean and everyday is still hard still a struggle not to hate myself still don't feel like a normal person but being clean and striving for normalcy is something I want more than anything and I choose life and you can to so be strong and reach out to people who have been there and understand what your going through ❤

Brother, I’m not an addict, but I have family that is. I don’t know your struggle. But remember that someone loves you. I don’t know who that is, but if it has to be me, find me.

Hang in there brother. You are gonna make it. Just hang on