One train driver said in an announcement "We are now arriving at our next stop, please make sure you take all your baggage with you. That includes your emotional baggage!"
Me accidentally forgetting my traumas like “oh bloody ‘el, I’ll be darned if I’m expected to hunt that down but dear Mrs Hudson my therapist will sorely miss it at our next tea”
Heard on London Underground: "Sorry for the delay to your journey, I'm sure you are all anxious to get home and start your weekend. Unless you are married to my ex-wife, in which case you probably want to alight here, cross over to the other platform and head back into London."
I asked a stewardess whether it was safer sat at the front or back of a plane. She said that one of the benefits of flying cattle class at the back was that if the plane crashed, the impact would be cushioned by the posh folk upfront in first class and the added advantage was that very few planes ever Reverse into mountains, or into the sea.
Well, obvs. I always sit near the tail when I have the choice for exactly that reason (or over the wings, where the fuselage is stronger). Planes don’t crash backwards.
The actual answer depends on the nature of the incident unfortunately. In the back you get it in a tail strike, over the wings is the only part that won't break off, and first class get ahead in the queue at the pearly gates while your mangled body spends two hours slowly bleeding to death.
@@icturner23 Near the tail increases your likelihood to die in minor incidents like a tail strike on takeoff. Over the wings is the area that doesn't tear off, but that can be for the better or worse. You ARE sat on a fuel tank if over the wings, and at risk of fan blade separation making an unplanned entry into the side of the aircraft. Considering these things happen a lot more frequently than air crashes it is an interesting dilemma. Fires are a greater threat to the rear of the aircraft also. Front gear failure a greater threat to the extreme ends.
“Good Evening, this is the pilot speaking. Tonight we are heading to Atlanta. If you are not going to Atlanta, then one of us is on the wrong plane.” Actual announcement.
My brother was once on a plane to London, Canada. The pilot decided to be funny and announced they were on the plane to London, England. My brother almost had a panic attack, but he laughed afterwards
My train was reported with a 12 minute delay on the official schedule, upon approaching the station the driver announced that we had actually arrived on time due to his "Formula 1 driving" and proceeded to call himself "Max Verstappen" cause he was Dutch. Gotta love it
I was once on a plane and the pilot said “I just want you to know that it is my birthday today, presents will be greatly appreciated. What won’t be appreciated is people clapping after we land because most of our journey is due to autopilot.”
On a nearly empty flight from Philadelphia PA to Greenville SC a crewmember gave the following announcement: "Smoking is not permitted inside this or any of our aircraft. If you feel you must smoke, a flight attendant will be happy to escort you to one of our wings." 😁
The first ever time I went to the UK, I was on the Gatwick airport express train on route to London and they had some schedule mishap that caused a much slower train that was in front of us to slow us down. Every single time we slowed down, the guy on the speaker would crack jokes and be all positive about it like "Well we're slowing down once again but at least there are some cows to look at on the right." Best first impression I have ever had about something ever.
I was on a train once and the conductor said: "we will shortly be arriving at Exeter St David's, if you are leaving any personal items behind on the train then ensure they are of high value and by that I mean monetary or caloric as I am partial to a nice donught or brownie" love that guy
Friend of my sister was once in a train that stopped working. Guy said "I've got good and bad news. The bad news is all engines have shut off. The good news is you're not in an airplane"
The worst one I heard was a mate going to see iron maiden at the NEC arena in Birmingham, it said "We are stopped due to a red light, but the express is approaching from behind, so we are going to go through it so the express doesn't hit us" I'd say Iron maiden couldn't make that night more exciting!
My dad has told me a story about one time when he was on a plane flight going somewhere (he never said where, or I never remembered it). The landing was really rough, with the plane getting bounced around a lot and whatnot. Once the plane stopped, someone got on the intercom and said something to the effect of, "Hey Everybody, sorry about that landing, but that was pretty good for his first time!"
I remember seeing videos on RU-vid where a Southwest flight lands somewhere (possibly more than a few times), and when the plane finally touches down on the ground, the flight attendant comes on the PA and says, "Ladies and gentlemen, it was a rough landing, but it wasn't the plane's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it was the asphalt!" (get it?)
Was on a train to Munich, when there was an announcement. "Dear passengers, I am happy to announce that if you look out of the left side of the train you will see a rainbow." Just lovely
Wouldn't an actual power cut cause an emergency brake application? The only reason I could see for not having overlapping power rails is phasing issues. I am not british, and I do not know how the british power grid works, so I am just guessing here.
@@tomw86 no, he cant catch that moment - it differ for each train cab. More looks like he try to imitate this. Ofc it more funny if it is true rail gap. And as Strangleyourfriend say it be more funny if it just one wooo and nothing else.
I spent a semester in London many years ago, lived off the Northern Line. Mornington Crescent was closed for repairs the whole semester. When the driver would announce the upcoming stations, he obviously was saying something about Mornington Crescent (that it was closed, that you should get off at Camden Town or whatever the closest station was, something), but that was the ONLY part of the sentence you could make out. The rest of it was, as you put it, incomprehensible mumbling. We never knew whether to blame it on the announcer or the speakers in the train, but it became a sort-of meme for those of us who were part of the program and lived in that area.
@@kaasmeester5903not nyc but The LiRR “Please remember to report any suspicious activity or characters to the staff, especially the ones that sit in the dark corners with a permanently locked grin on their faces”
There used to be another train driver who spoke with this really posh accent, he always got us laughing. He later left Southern for Gatwick, but he passed away early this year, and he was only 43. So sad 😞
I once was on a train which came to a halt in between cities.. After five minutes the driver made the announcement "I would very much like to tell you why we are stopped, but nobody's talking to me either". :-/
I remember when before a fight to Egypt, on the runway, the pilot said: "Don't worry guys, I've played many Flight Simulators before" and everyone started giggling 😂
There's a classic Hungarian joke going like this: * MÁV ANNOUNCING SOUND * "We'd like to inform you that the train arriving to Budapest-Keleti from Szeged will be late by 8 hours because the passangers push it slowly! Thank you! We do not return any of the tickets!"
Once when I was on a tram the driver also began playing airline pilot and announcing each stop like: "Attention passengers, we are now in final approach to [next stop] Please remain seated until the vehicle has come to a complete stop. If you are connecting to another destination, please check the lighted display at the stop for departure times. If this is your final destination, we wish you a very pleasant day and thank you for riding Munich Tramways". That made all of us smile, and everyone thanked him as they got off. It certainly got my day off to a lovely start! 🙂
My uncle used to work at one of the major London terminals. His favourite story was announcing "please do not try to board the train on platform 9... No really, please don't... The train on platform 9 is currently on fire, so please do not try to board it..."
Reminds me of that fun and very tolerant busdriver we had a few years back. After an open air festival, when everyone attending till the very end, tried to take the bus to get the last train, that was leaving the small town..some drunk guys were trying to tell the driver which direction to drive and the busdriver answered via the speakers to the amusement to all other passengers. At some point the busdriver made a bet with the drunk that if he follows his usual route and turn left there will be a busstop and if he’s right then the drunk has to sing a song, but if the drunk would be right and the busstop would not be there , then the busdriver would sing. In the end the drunk had to sing, but he choose a good song that lots of ppl on the bus knew and more than half the ppl on the bus chimed in. Ppl on the streets were literally turning their heads towards the more than full packed community bus with singing passengers😹
Many years ago, we were waiting to board a train that was stopped at the station. There was a while to wait before departure, so we wandered up to the front end to show my very young daughter where the driver sat. Sweet guy picked her up and showed her what it was like inside. Absolutely brilliant!
I know someone who took a flight with Ryanair. The landing was extremely bumpy, so much so that the plane actually bounced back up into the air before landing again. Once they came to a stop the pilot came over the tannoy to do his landing announcement, and finished by saying "Ryanair, two landings for the price of one."
It reminds me of The Jungle Cruise at Disneyland, "watch your step, and watch your head, and if you miss your step and hit your head, watch your language. There are children." Creative liberties threaded into important announcements always makes a journey more enjoyable.
My favorite train announcement was on a severely delayed Deutsche Bahn train that kept getting stopped on the tracks. When we were finally approaching the end station, three hours late, they made an announcement that as an apology, they would like to offer everyone on board a complimentary beverage in the dining car. This was closely followed by "Unfortunately, we only have water." Everyone groaned and sat back down.
My one time taking DB was a night train from München to Amsterdam. I had booked a coach seat but apparently there was a problem with the car we were supposed to take. The DB staff were very apologetic and asked if we minded taking a sleeping car instead. :^)
I’m so surprised how he didn’t even stutter at all. He’s probably been joking around with the passengers for years. This is why I love trains, you can joke around without worrying.
+Steve Succop Once on the NYC train, the guy says: "__th Street, transfer is available to the R and B train, but transfer will not be available on the D train next stop, if you want the D, it's right here.."
The station staff at Victoria Station on the Circle and District line are quite funny as well. "The doors will be closing in 5...4...3...2...1....Aw too late you missed it! You are going to have to be quicker than that to catch the next one!" Had me in stitches! 😆
"The next stop is coming up shortly. Or at least it should be. If it isn't, we're lost. Which is going to be very confusing, as we've only been using the one track. *"You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) by Dead or Alive" starts playing*
Holy shit, just noticed that now. I thought it was the camera guy holding his hand in front of the camera for a slight bit. That made it so much more hilarious.
I once had a similar experince in a bus where the busdriver welcomed people onboard the bus at every stop and even wished them a wonderful day whenever they got off again. It made the trip for me personally a lot more cheerful and people were happy though we all wore a mask! ♥
I had a pilot announce “You’re flying with Captain Funk tonight...” and I was intrigued by the possibilities. Sadly, it appeared that was just his name. No funk ensued.
My train once had to go back to the main station due to some or an other reason, The train driver said: “Ok, everyone. You are allowed to swear, you are allowed to be angry, You aren’t allowed to shoot anyone though.”
Man, I've been to the UK 3 times so far and I am always looking forward to train rides, because the announcements some train drivers have prepared are just awesome. Better than any comedy show :D I've only had such a cool train driver once here in Germany and everyone loved it. Bless these men and women for putting smiles on people's faces!
I live in Switzerland and one of the ticket inspector I had almost sang the announcement. And then on a later train ride he checked my ticked and I recognized him from his voice again. I complimented him.
@Mekal Covic so many doctors do that when being out on anesthesia🤷♀️ I’m heard way worse lol, literally pretty much all of them are a joke and if they weren’t they wouldn’t have the job so
Actual announcement: "Unusually, we're arriving at our destination this evening, some twelve minutes early. We can only apologise for this, and hope it doesn't cause inconvenience to any of our passengers who were expecting to arrive several minutes late as is usual. Rest assured, the driver will be reprimanded for carrying out his duties in such a lax manner."
About 20 years ago I worked in the ticket office at a train station. One day the manager came round and actually made me announce that the next train would be on time - because it was that rare! I then had passengers come into the ticket office checking whether they had heard right.
My favourite was a bus driver taking over his vehicle wearing dark glasses and carrying a white walking stick (both from Lost Property), being guided down the mess room stairs and onto the bus by a number of very helpful workmates...made for some interesting reactions...I suppose it couldn't happen today...
I once had the person on the airplane say “everyone going to Disney world?” And everyone shouted “yes” except for one person who said “no, I’m going to universal studios!”
This reminds me of this underground driver on Halloween this year (2021). Her name was Sarah, and she re-named all the stops to Halloween themed (for example, Belsize Park to Hellsize Park) lolll. Super fun!
As someone who commutes regularly, they will pull something like this over the intercom every once in a while and it’s the best 😂 I think my favourite was this one time the guy made puns/jokes about the name of every station the train stopped at. It was GOLD 😂 xx
We've got simillar bus driver here in Poland, Warsaw. He was forced to stop even though passangers and people on social media liked him very much. I hope this man from video didn't have any issues in job, for example for turning off lights :/
As our plane was taxiing for takeoff our stewardess announced “In order to make the person sitting next to you look more attractive, we’ll be dimming the lights at this time.”
My favourite was “This train has developed a technical fault and will be taken out of service at the next station. For passengers travelling to Uxbridge they should wait on the platform for the following train, unless you happen to be married to my ex-wife in which case you should change to platform 2 and get the first train going in the opposite direction”
I was on the way back for, a school trip to Venice on the plane and our teacher got the pilot to announce our homework for the next week. It was hilarious.
Imagine being someone not part of the class on the plane (I know that's unlikely but still), hearing a homework assignment, and your brain panicking for a bit before you remember you're an adult and don't go to school anymore.
I was stuck in a train because the doors wouldn't open. When they finally fixed it and the doors swung open the conductor proclaimed: "Customer retention is what we call thát!"
I use the tram every day to work and there is this one guy sometimes that runs the tram and when there is someone running to catch it he tells everyone to round of applause to the guy for catching it. Little things like this man really just give a little hop to your day.
Belive me no one would want pilots like this,people are already scared of flying and i am pretty sure everyone wants to feel professionalism from pilots instead of sense of humour
Kaya it might actually help people relax tbh I hate flying and terrified of accident death- this would actually really help me.. I use humour to cope a lot so..
There is a recording from Ukrainian airlines, where pilot in an extremely relaxed voice said: "Dear passengers, you traveling via Ukrainian Intercity Airlines, temperature outside you could feel when you were outside, temperature inside you feeling right about now. We might experience some turbulence, we wouldn't want that obviously, but it might happen. I hope I won't disappoint you on my second flight regardless. We can do without clapping after landing, can't hear a thing here anyway." Then he attempted to say the speech in English, but stumbled on the second word and just concluded with "... who am I even trying for? Let's fly already"
a train in germany was going too fast so they had to wait for like 10 minutes at a smaller trainstation to get clearance to get into the central station, the driver was on the intercom and said "I pressed the gas padel a bit too much and we're now waiting for clearance, should take like 10 minutes, i dont know, go outside and have a smoke or something"
This was an announcement on the plane from the pilot after we landed and everyone was starting to get up, "Please remain seated until we get to the terminal as if we have to stop suddenly you will be arriving at the terminal sooner then expected."
Oh, no, maybe it's because it's so early in the morning but I read your comment probably six times and I still don't understand. I'm going to swallow my pride and ask, could someone please explain it to me? Since the plane has already landed, wouldn't that mean that stopping suddenly would involve the plane stopping in the middle of the airport "parking lot" away from any terminal -- therefore causing you to arrive at the terminal later? For that matter, why would a bunch of people standing up be cause for the plane to stop suddenly? I think it's implying that the standers would be kicked off the plane, but that sounds awfully extreme. Plus, when someone is getting kicked off of a place, that always causes lots of confusion and delays while security is called, among other things. That just sounds like one more thing that would cause people to arrive at the terminal far LATER than expected.
@@ArcanineEspeon haha, you sound clattered. Basically the pilot is suggesting that if the plane stops suddenly, those passengers will get thrown forwards due to the change in velocity and they would reach the terminal faster but not in the way they intended (they'd get thrown through the front of the plane). I've probably butchered it, but my explanation should get one or two of the cogs moving.
I remember this guy, we were on a train coming back from London and he said there was a replacement bus service at Purley. Then he said I know a song about that and started to sing the wheels on the bus go round and round. We need more like him.
Traveling on the London Underground you sometimes get these hilarious drivers as well - I particularly remember one on the Jubilee Line from Baker Street towards the northwest where the (lengthy) announcement included: "Usually this train can drive you insane, but today we're only going so far as Wembley..." 🤣🤣🤣
I was on a plane and the pilot announced that a scorpion had been removed from the plane due to lack of a passport or any other form of identification. I would have been very confused if I hadn’t been the one who’d found said scorpion crawling up my leg.
@@OlafJorigson Texas actually, taking a connection flight out of Costa Rica. Never been sure if the scorpion showed up on the plane in Texas, or if it had been in my backpack since Costa Rica
I was once on a train where the pre-recorded message glitched and said, 'and remember, if you do not have a valid ticket, transfer, or pass, thank you!'.
My last train went through some tiny city I'd never heard of, the train conductor announced it as "finally we're about to arrive in World City Gütersloh!!" (I'll remember the city forever because the train broke down there, all of us were told to leave and make our own way to our destinations, and i stood in the freezing cold 4h away from everyone I know in this country waiting for any other train for over an hour. Good times in Gütersloh, world city)
I was on a plane and the pilot was blasting some Justin Bieber song and he was like "Y'all wanna go to Barbados? Put ya hand up if ya wanna go to Barbados" most ppl put their hand up (it was summer) and he said " Sorry but we gotta go to Italy" 😂
Few months ago I was on a bus where the driver kept singing out the names of each street we stopped at. Like straight up singing the words. "We're now arriving at BROADWAAAAAY~~YEAH~~" It was the best bus ride ever.
Once, on St Pancras train North the announcer said that "passengers should change at Northampton for onward connections, if they like that sort of thing." The humour was a breath of fresh air.
Near Christmas I was once in a train and the announcer made up a complete story about very serious things and then suddenly: And now, Santa if you would be so kind to step off the roof, we're closing in on a tunnel and you will not fit under it.
Happens quite a lot in trains and tube lights shut off randomly because passing through certain junction/tunnel The driver knows his route really well and times it perfectly with woo Which made it even more brilliant
The best ride of my life was taking a shuttle to Disneyland that was 10 minutes behind schedule. It felt just like that bus scene from Harry Potter, I've NEVER seen someone drive a bus that fast, all the while he's going _"hands and feet inside the ride, if you lose an arm we are NOT going back for it!"_ 🤣🤣
