When my kids were little, I put so much pressure on myself to be the "perfect" mom for them. I did everything right, according to social media standards. Not only were meals homemade, but elements of meals like bread and tortillas were homemade as well. My kids hardly had any screen time; instead they played and did activities I suggested. I spent tons of time with them reading and preparing for school. After a few years, life changed dramatically and I became a much worse mom by most measures. Lots of TV, no reading, junk food, etc. The kind of mom who gets judged constantly. But I was happier because I was starting my career and living my own life, rather than revolving around them. My kids were around late elementary to junior high when they saw a family photo from the "perfect" mom time. One of them spontaneously said, "Oh, that's a photo from the sad years!" The others nodded and said, "Yep, the sad years." I asked more about that. Turns out, kids aren't happy when their caregiver isn't happy. It's a cliche, but it really is true, that if working on Auric makes you happy, then doing so (in moderation of course) will in turn make your kids happy. Now that my kids are grown, they are all in consensus that pursuing my own career made me a much better mom. All of that is to say, you truly don't have to choose between your work and being a good parent. You are a good parent by doing the work that fulfills you.
This is all very true. Children ALSO do significant'y better seeing mothers being productive / working.Statistically, children do far better in single fathers' homes than single mothers. And I think it may be because fathers keep it to needs, providing, GOALS, work ethic... Where as women focus so much on relationships, friends or partners, that the children suffer more even in small ways. There was a situation where siblings were split and each parent raised on (not parent trap lol). The girl who grew up with her mom became a mom at 20 and never earned a degree or took on a provider palce. The other became a doctor and married at 30, then had her children.
You aren’t scaring anyone from having a baby. You are helping people understand just how emotionally and physically challenging motherhood is. Why is it in every other situation we say knowledge is power except the motherhood experience. I think in the past women were so gaslighted into thinking they were failing all the time. 🧿
Sam and youtube are like old school friends who get together and catch up for like 4 hours and then are like “lets do this more often!!” and then don’t do it more often and see each other again 7 months later and do it all over again. AND I LOVE IT.
I’m not a mom, and may never have kid of my own, but honestly the lack of dialogue about giving birth and reproductive health is what scares me. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and giving insight into some of the aspects of pregnancy, birth and parenthood. I think open honest conversations about these kinds of things are so important even if some of the topics are deeper and for lack of a better word “scary”. I personally would rather be able to prepare for legitimate possibilities than not know what to expect. Thank you for sharing so many parts of your experience all these years! ❤
I absolutely agree with everything you said. My spouse and I need to decide if we’re having children by the EOY because I will be getting my IUD replaced next year. I so appreciate Sam’s stories of motherhood because very little people are open about what is actually involved emotionally, mentally, and physically. The lack of transparency is frightening.
It's been almost 14 years at this point, so I remember very little about the birth and recovery time, but I can viscerally recall the postpartum...rage (I guess is the best word.) Everyone talks about postpartum depression/anxiety and I never related my experience to those terms. It was just extreme frustration. With myself. With the baby. With my partner. Every time the baby cried I would get inexplicable rage. Never directed at him, it was all kept internal...but the feeling was so confusing, plus I felt so much shame over it that I never talked about it. All that to say, I just really appreciate you popping in here occasionally to share in such a raw and vulnerable way, because it's relatable to somebody out there and will resonate with someone who needs to hear it and feel less alone. 💕
That rage is a coping mechanism that allows you to continue you to function through your depression...if you go past that rage, you sink into the pit of nothingness where you literally can't function to look after yourself or your child, and neither of you ever stop crying. Been in both places. The rage allows function.
Experienced the same. It was another level I never could have expected and brought things out in me I didn't know existed. I wish more people shared their experiences, because the shame and lack of control was really stressful.
I felt rage as well, but moreso because no one told me how hard the recovery would be. I was so mad that no one prepared me for how miserable I would be. I felt guilt as well for not being as present for my baby because I could barely be vertical long enough to take care of him.
I'm in my 50s and I wish I had someone like you around me, even on RU-vid and not in person, when I was going through difficult pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. No one was honest with me about how hard it can be. I was so isolated, alone, guilty, depressed. It's amazing I survived alone like that. We should all tell the truth about how difficult it can be.
Yep! At the time I felt like young mothers needed mentors in the community. I had a narcissistic mother so she was only going to enjoy watching me suffer. I work with young women now. I do my best to educate them.
Sam, you tell it like it is. No BS. Straight to the point. If people think your honesty is too scary for women to have babies, they need to find another channel. Having a baby isn't easy in any way, physically, emotionally, etc. .. post partum same struggles which are not talked about enough which is why women question themselves after giving birth. Thank you for being authentically you! I love how relatable you are ! The brain doesn't remember pain, which is why women still give birth today!
I was explaining something to my therapist recently and I finished it with, “but it wasn’t THAT bad, you know?” And she responded with “oh honey, no. That’s actually bad.” Downplaying/not remembering it as traumatic as it actually was is super common thing for our brains to do!
This feels like when my friends and I message each other months late and it’s a full essay but I don’t even care because I probably won’t reply for a month or two but I’ll still love the story. Life is weird ❤️
I never in my life had someone perfectly sum up the panic that I felt when my baby cried during postpartum. I ended up on medication (yay Lexapro!) at about 8 weeks postpartum and it was a savior for me. I would tell people when my baby cried it felt like my body was being lit on fire (so dramatic right!?) but I think that, like you, I also had a traumatic birth experience and it just brought me right back to the hospital where I felt helpless. Women are warriors!
Atlas, in Greek mythology, was a Titan cursed to constantly carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, so it can only be a good thing for someone not to be related to him. Take it easy on yourself and trust your abilities. You have many. Love from Greece. 🐠
As a mum of 2, I feel like both kids lose out in different ways because of their birth position… so I just keep focussed on making sure they’re loved and know they’re loved, and trust that everything else will work itself out!!
I appreciate your honesty. I hate when people act like women need to be tricked into becoming pregnant. Please let me know ahead of time, so if/when it happens, I won’t think I’m crazy. I love you for that
Hey Sam, pregnant with #2 and love your labor stories, hearing you talk about your second is really prepping me for giving birth again, this time as a toddler mom. Hearing you talk about the mental difficulty of the second one vs the first brought something up really interesting for me. My first kid’s birth was similar to your second - i literally almost birthed him in the car, and he basically came out within the hour when we got the hospital, no time for an epidural. I am now marked as at risk for what they call “precipitous labor” for this next one 😂 recently I had a psychiatric nurse practitioner who specializes in pregnant and postpartum women explain to me that often super fast labors can be really traumatic in a sneaky way. I remember people telling me how lucky I was he came out so fast, meanwhile I felt totally mindf*cked like I just got off the most insane, shortest rollercoaster ever. Physically I also recovered pretty well but mentally it messed me up for months.
Sam, my PPD was so bad that I didn't want to have another child. I feel like my PPD has such a detrimental impact on my life, that I didn't feel like another baby was worth that. Before I had a baby, I never had depression or any mental health issues. I am very happy you are talking about this.
@@nattyjuneart Same. My doctor told me my PPD could be better or worse with a second pregnancy, so I was like nope. I wasn't saying that a child wouldn't be worth. I was concerned that if my PPD would be worse, I may have had issues parenting 2 children.
To the people saying your birth story is scaring off people from wanting kids: no, people don't hear these stories and magically don't want kids. People who don't want kids (such as myself) don't want kids for a lot of reasons, none to do with others' experiences with pregnancy and child birth. It's the actual having to raise children that is unappealing to me. People who want to have kids will continue to want kids and won't be scared of stories like Sam's because it's important to them and it's a life change that will fulfil them.
Yep, and if real stories like these are enough to deter people - good, then they didn't want them enough in the first place. The more people go into parenthood without having unrealistic expectations of it the better for everyone involved.
For me (also childfree!), it's both/and. The idea of carrying another human inside me for nine months, having to push them out of my nether-regions or having a C-section, and then looking after them for at least a couple of decades after that doesn't appeal to me at all. I think it's important for people to be open about this stuff both so those who aspire to parenthood have an idea of what can happen and so those on the fence about it have more information to help them make an informed decision in either direction.
Precisely! As a person who wants to have kids, I appreciate anyone who has been gracious enough to share their real stories. I feel it prepares you mentally that there are so many different ways this can go. Motherhood is not one size fit all!
Mama to a 5 year old here and long time follower. Anyone that has experienced being a mother or a pregnancy loss/ traumatic birth etc. COMPLETELY understands where you are coming from. I have always appreciated your honesty and candor, it’s what has kept me watching all these years. Congrats on the new little one and just know so many of us FEEL you on the wild ride of motherhood! ❤
With my first child I recovered very quickly, of course I couldn’t touch anything down there but I had no problems sitting down etc. However, the birth process was as you said outrageous. I had no epidural and let me tell you, I thought I was going to die. I wish somebody have told me before … I also felt triggered by my baby’s crying. I felt crazy, especially since my husband couldn’t understand the feeling. However, I still spoke about it openly and it made me .. clear headed honestly to speak about my feelings. I’m glad that you are speaking so freely and so randomly, I love this kind of content. Thank you!
This is the most accurate representation of early years of motherhood I have ever heard articulated. My twins are 12 and everything you said brought me right back to the early stages. Thank you for sharing because many women don’t know and feel alone, and that they’re failing! This really touched me. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing, post partum is hard and you’re exactly the mom your babies need. You’re allowed to give yourself some grace and allow yourself to be human. You did a really hard thing, you’re here, and baby is here💜
1) missed your face! 2) your birth stories and you mom-ing in general has given me a glimmer of hope that I could maybe do it one day (fellow 31 year old lady here 😂) 3) I am right where you are regarding foundation… I completely prefer seeing just my skin and the only base products I like the look of are the Salt NY balm and concealer AND the Revlon Illuminance skin caring foundation- if you have never tried it, I totally recommend. I loathe foundation, but it looks… just so natural
Childbirth was such a completely physical experience. I couldn’t even think to ask for pain meds. But afterwards I read an article about a farmer who got entangled with his machinery. He lost limbs but managed to crawl a mile or two for help. I asked myself, “is anyone asking him when he wants to do that again!” Lol✌️
Thanks for making me cry 😂❤ I’m a mom of six and you really hit me in the gut with the connection to your babies talk, it wasn’t rambly or anything. Very cogent and honest. Thanks 🙏
I, personally, love the 3 month cliffhangers because I am simply not entitled and am grateful for whatever the lord bestows ❤🙏 (i am not religious lol)
I literally go in to start induction in just a few hours and I find videos like this with full transparency so comforting and real. Is all of it scary, yes, but it’s raw and real and entirely possible to happen to any of us.
As a mom who had a very rough pregnancy herself and then a very rough postpartum, I am always honest when discussing my experience. I appreciate that you are too. So many people sugarcoat pregnancy and parenthood.
Sam! It’s so wonderful to see you on the front page of RU-vid again! Sending you so much love and positivity. I deeply appreciate your honesty about your experiences with motherhood so far. It really helps normalize and give a more full picture to so many. Thanks for all your thoughts and for taking time away from your life to share with the internet! Also, minor side note, possible Auric item blurred out at 18minutes? 👀
Honestly, the reason I watch most of your videos is because you are soooo honest & it’s a breath of fresh air♥️ people need to stop acting like motherhood isn’t hard. Idk if I’ll have kids but I love seeing all the different perspectives because it’s a life time commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Thank you for sharing💕
Had my first at 15w and hemorrhaged lost the baby, just had my rainbow baby a month ago and I’m relating to so many things right now and I don’t feel so alone now thank you for sharing ❤
I wonder if your 2nd birth was so traumatizing for you, that your mind/body associates your 2nd baby with that experience. You’re an awesome Mom & your vulnerability about this topic helps so many.
I think it’s amazing that you talk about it because (this is no offense to doctors or nurses I know everyone is different) they mainly care for your baby after you give birth but they don’t really take the time to sit down with you and go over what you just went through. I was very overwhelmed with both my deliveries (emergency c-section for both) and the most I got was them throwing info at me about my babies. I don’t think I mentally healed from my deliveries till both were toddlers. I sat down with my husband and we were both like damn that was actually traumatic. So please keep sharing and rambling it really helps🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
Also no one talks about this, and women need to share our experiences. Nothing I watched turned me off having children, it actually prepared me for anything, so thank you so much for sharing your stories! Much love from a Canadian living in America!
I think it's so amazing that we are at a point where mothers can speak openly about the pain, the difficulties and the struggles that come with becoming a parent. No woman in my family would have ever told me about the "negative" aspects of pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood. Some of them weren't even aware that they had experienced violence or postpartum depression.
Thank you for sharing your difficulties. I’m not a mom but I realize that there is so much more to it as a human taking care of a human and your body changing. Really appreciate your honesty and grace when you speak
Honestly I just want to thank you for being so real. I have had and struggle with all the same feelings you’ve described (especially the part about being bitter and also the working vs being a mom headspace). I feel like not enough people talk about this and it makes me feel alone in having these feelings.
Thank you for your honesty. I'm getting toward the end of my "having a baby window" and have been going back and forth literally my entire life. I really, REALLY appreciate your insight and I'm sure sharing isn't always the easiest thing to do. Your truths are quite helpful. Please know, you're appreciated.
I utterly appreciate your brutal honesty about how you felt during your pregnancies. And after their births. It’s overwhelming and a lot of feelings go through you. I applaud you for admitting the ones that people will judge. That they shouldn’t judge. Because there’s nothing wrong with a single feeling you had. At all. Again - thanks for your honesty ❤
Literally using up my emergency yummy snack and sitting and watching this after I shower. I love your mommy content. Please do more!!!!! I’m pregnant now and I’m due in 5 weeks and live for it!
I'm so thankful for you sharing. I wish I had my first after you because my breastfeeding journey was so similar to yours and I felt so validated hearing your story.
You will find your way. Everyone's way and timing are different. You did have a very traumatic birth experience so its not surprising its been an adjustment. I hope you are starting to feel like yourself again and settling in nicely. Thanks for the update we are here for whatever you post whenever you post it!
First of all, within 10 seconds of hitting play I was like, ‘wow, her skin is looking excellent’. Second, ‘not well, I’m not doing well….LEANNE…’ is a phrase I will now be adding to my vocabulary. And third, thank you so much for being open and honest about being a new mother. As someone who wants a baby in the future, I appreciate your ‘piping hot takes’. It’s refreshing to see someone be honest with the behind-the-scenes stuffffff women don’t usually talk about. ❤ Take care.
I really am thankful that you have been so transparent with your experiences. People need to understand that not everyone will go through the same things. Some have had it easy and some not. It's good to hear both sides of the story and the ones who have been on the same boat you have, will feel less alienated knowing that they were not the only ones and that is a wonderful thing. We need to stop mislabling these types of videos as fear mongering.
The way you felt for your second is how I felt for my first, i didn’t know bleeding could be normal at the beginning of pregnancy (implantation) so I seriously thought I was growing and trying to attach to a baby I was going to lose. I felt like such a terrible mother that I was just ssssoooo disconnected to my son even after he was born and even now it’s hard to believe that he was inside me. I appreciate you sharing your honest feelings within pregnancy. It’s hard not being able to open up about my feelings for the fear/judgment of my family and friends.
I’ve follow you for way too many years and I’ve never commented on your videos and probably won’t have kids anytime soon but this video!! Hollyyy cow ! It feels so real all your feelings are so valid and kind of makes me feel like I’m able to understand my mother and her experiences from hearing you speak.❤ this was amazing to watch .
17:34 you are NOT scaring me at all! this is the most detailed and informative video along with the first one. it is very realistic especially when you spoke about taking that boat to the mainland 😱 there was one book I read, girlfriend’s guide to pregnancy or something now THAT book and your two videos thus far = PERFECTION! ❤😘🇨🇦also, goats on a roof is the best place on the island 😂
I feel the same way about not feeling connected while pregnant. My husband and I were trying to conceive for almost 3 years when I got my positive test. At 9 weeks I had bleeding and I was so distraught in the ER thinking I was losing my baby, thankfully everything was fine and she was born. I didn't start to feel connected with her until she was a month or 2 old. Like I knew that she was mine and I knew that I had to care for her but I felt like it was hard to connect to this human that wasn't interactive at all. Now she's 4 months old and the happiest girl and I love her so much and I'm so thankful that she's here and healthy and I'm so happy to finally be a mom. 🥰🥰🥰🥰
I swear, you are one of the few people I actually feel connected to about motherhood. My inner circle of friends just don’t quite share and express things in a way that I resonate with but I always resonate with you. Thanks for being the realest one out there, love you so much! ✨
Thanks Sam, for your honestly! It’s so hard to find someone that actually speak about motherhood in a way that I can relate. It’s all flower and good stuffs, it’s all so unrealistic. So again, thank you!
If you're scaring people, so be it. People need to share these stories more. I wish I could remember everything to share my birth story, because it was TRAUMATIC. Thank you for sharing and helping normalize these feelings that so many mothers (unfortunately) experience. You're a warrior.
I'm only 12 minutes in, but I wanted to say an old southern saying "ain't no healing done in a hospital" 😅 glad you're ok and happy to see you in the feed ❤
Yoooo your description of being triggered when your second cried. That's 100% how I felt with my first. I just could not deal. Expecting my 2nd in August and am so hoping I won't have that same experience with this one 🤞🏻
Your reaction to crying is the exact same as it was when I had ppd with my first. It was horrible I would just start crying too… just me and my newborn just bawling multiple times a day. I hadn’t heard anyone else describe that full body reaction I didn’t connect that it was my ppd. I thought it was first time motherhood
I feel that so much about a balance of work and home. I never want to leave work because I am so focused on working through my “to do list”. Then when I am home, I don’t want to go back to work. My kids are 13 and 15. The toddler and infant phase seems like so long ago, but also like it was just recent. Enjoy every moment because it goes by so quickly! I love and admire the wonderful young men my children are becoming, but I miss the little people they used to be.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your life for those of us who find it helpful and relatable to not be perfect all the time as people and as mothers
I totally understand the working thing. I was a stay at home mum for 6yrs. Very lucky we could do that. But I remember getting my first paycheque and I was like oh there’s my reward for hard work. Something recognizable
I just really appreciate your ability to be so candid about everything going on within your life. I’ve followed you since 2014-15? And you’re still the one I go to when I know you’ll truly tell me what’s up and how it is. ❤️❤️
Oh boy, I feel pretty much exactly the same about my first and second kid. I felt like I knew "everything" when I had my first one or at least that I could find solutions to every challenge. How to make them sleep, how to make them not a picky eater, how to be good about screen time, how to be patient in every situation, etc. Then I had my second child and it turned my world upside down. I still struggle every day with feeling inadequate as a parent (and as a self-employed person). When people compliment me on my mothering I reflexively reject the compliment. My kids are 13 and 9 now and I wish I could say it gets easier but for me... that part doesn't. Whoever said "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" didn't know what they were talking about. I feel like I'm collecting traumas on top of traumas (just to be a little dramatic). Lives are complicated. My mental health and that of my kids are complicated. We find ways to manage as a family and we're generally very happy and fortunate but it's a near constant challenge/worry for me. I feel like I'm making it sound like misery which it genuinely is not but like, the ambivalence and the worries are just a huge part of being a parent for many/most(/all?) people. Thanks for shining a light on some of the less talked about sides of birthing and parenting.
23:41 when I had my second I realized that’s how I felt with my first! So I went through what you did emotionally but with my first. It’s weird, I feel like I want to go back and give my first the same things my second is getting from me :(
I genuinely so appreciate how honest you are about motherhood, its so much more beneficial for everyone to understand the good and bad. And honestly? It helps people give more appreciation to what mothers go through and do, and why motherhood should be treated like the full time gig it is (talking about how people view it as not being equivalent to a job) because it 100% is
Thank you for being so brutally honest when going from one to two children. My husband and I are considering starting to try and somewhat starting to try all at the same time for baby number two and I am deathly scared that I don’t have the capacity, that I won’t be a good Mother in the same way such as patience and regulating in all of those things you spoke about as well and I don’t know if it’s fair to bring a second child in when I am so scared but at the same time I feel like I would regret not having two children, especially later in life so again thank you and love when a video pops up !!!! 🎉
I don’t know if you will read this now but I had a super positive birth and the newborn phase for me was so unbelievably stressful. What you said about the crying, I was nodding vigariously. One night my daughter would not stop crying (turns out she was exhausted) but once she finally settled with a pacifier, I was literally shaking in the bed next to my husband like I was having a seizure, vomited and then sat on the toilet for like half an hour. I mentioned this to my midwife and she just said “oh yeah you went into shock, that does happen sometimes”. I was reeling, I had no idea the physical completely uncontrollable reaction your baby can have on your whole being?!
Before getting pregnant I have loved hearing your birth/pregnancy stories. I relate a lot to your mental processing, so it all has helped me be LESS afraid. Love your transparency and candidness.
I am a nurse practitioner, Sam, and I think your skin is really looking good! I won't offer any recommendations, esp. because you haven't asked. I just wanted to send you positive thoughts and feedback. Best wishes to you and your family! ❤
Thank you for being so frank about motherhood. I feel normal hearing you talk about motherhood! The crying sends me too. I can't deal. I also felt the same way about losing my daughter while pregnant. I was too scared to get too attached for so long.
I hate that you get comments about scaring people away from parenthood because I would've loved your honesty before having my kids. I felt so underprepared because I never heard anyone talking about the struggles of birth, postpartum and parenting.
I spent the first month of my life in the hospital and my mom said she struggled to bond with me when I finally came home. They couldn't really hold me in the hospital bc of all the wires. I think it's ok and you're a human and your kid is gonna love you no matter what. My mom and I are besties now. ❤
No I love how honest you are. As someone has struggled with her mental and wants children- your input is greatly appreciated ❤🫂🫂 I hope you’re healing well and your family is doing well.
Here in Melbourne, many of the private hospitals move mum & bub to a 4-5star hotel after a night or 2 for the remainder of their stay (5-7 nights total). There are nurses on the floor so some level of monitoring can still occur but it’s not a hospital environment so sleep, rest, visitors etc is all easier. Friends speak super highly of it
