Birthday Anxiety and Depression- Tips from a Therapist 

Have you ever gotten the birthday jitters or blues?

I dislike my birthday because I’m usually the one to remember people’s birthday and make them feel special and when it’s my turn that energy isn’t reciprocated

For me, About a month before my birthday I start feeling anxious and depressed because I expect people to disappoint me and reject me and not care about me. Growing up my birthdays weren't celebrated and I internalized that as I didn't matter, my life meant nothing to anyone, and I was rejected. As an adult, it reminds me of that.

Yes finally someone talks about birthday anxiety 😂😭😭... like if I'm alone on my birthday it triggers my abandonment/rejection issues and I start thinking no one really cares.

Happiest moment of birthdays: that last minute, when it's over

It’s my birthday in 2 hours and I’m turning. 20 I’v been feeling anxious and like sad/ hurt for days now and I been crying the closer is gets I thought I was being weird but this reassured me I was normal 💕

im watching this on my bday and i forever felt the pressure to be happy on your day but all i feel is that im doing everything that i am for others and because its a societial norm , i feel really depressed and i hate my bday and this video gave my a sense of assurance that its okay to feel that ..

I am so sad. Its my birthday in 2 hours, I am crying typing this. everything is just so sad and I don't know why. I got yelled at a lot today for being moody and I don't know why I am so unpleasent.

Watching this 1 hour into my birthday :)))))

It started when i turned 14, im turning 20 tomorrow and i know i have no particular to be sad. I just feel so sad and lousy right now 😞 i have a hard time reminding myself “you’re alive for a reason, people Will be sad if you’re gone. Have some empathy”

I turned 40 this week and no friends came to visit or give me a card. The man I've been connected to for a long time didn't even give me a card. I got him really heartfelt gifts for his birthday. I've been so depressed all week. I've celebrated others, but none of my friends celebrated me. And it was such a big birthday too. 😢😢😢

Trying not to self-sabotage before my big 30 this year. Three days away and I’m still in the funk. Trying to reset, reframe and build a new lens. Thank you for this video 💛✨

I guess my perspective is that, "you don't normally treat me well or value me as a person why pretend on my birthday?". Makes me feel so alone especially when this feeling applies to other big milestones.

It’s my birthday today and I haven’t been able to stop crying since last night! Thank you so much for normalising the feeling through your video. Self sabotage, that’s exactly what I do. Switch off my phone cos I know people that I expect will wish me, won’t. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I do feel much better. I’m crying a bit less now after watching or maybe I don’t have any water left to produce tears lol.

It's my 24th birthday in less than 3 hours. And for the last 5-6 years I've always felt this anxiety. There were other reasons but the most prevalent one is not doing what I thought I would be by this time. I have been trying to better myself since last year but I know my efforts are far from the best I have to offer. Listening to how you overcame your anxiety was really motivating. I'm glad I will be starting my year with a more positive and driven mindset. Hopefully I reach my goals much sooner than my next birthday! Thank you.

omg I cried in the beginning because this is how I've felt for years and everyone thought I was weird or denied my depression about it. Its my birthday soon. Thank you.

crying while watching this... i’m so sad it’s literally 26min into my “birthday” but i just don’t even feel like i deserve a birthday

after i turned 16 i fell into a awful depression and it ruined my entire summer break, hearing this makes me feel better and i hope it doesnt happend again when i turn 17

My birthday is in 15 days and I’m turning 30. I’m not happy about it. I know I’m blessed to even see 30, but I’m getting older. I remember when my mom was 30. And now I’m 30. My issue is I’m aging, which means I’m closer to death, and my body is changing. I just feel like I need to do so much before that day. Birthdays were huge for me, but as I get older I’m just not interested. I was planning a trip but I said no I’ll stay home and save my money. It’s just a rush of emotions. Thank you for this video.

I just turned 27 and I practiced self care throughout the day, but that depression started to kick in during the evening. Treated that real quick with a lil Whiskey and Comedy podcasts

I never knew my feelings could be put into words. It's a freeing experience to know that there are so many other people who feel this. It's also serendipitous that my birthday is also April 13 ☺️

I feel exactly what you felt during your birthdays!!!! And I also block everything just so I can try to avoid getting rejected, but ultimately I feel rejected!

Self-Sabotage, yep that's me. I so needed this video. When you mentioned the jittery 2 months before your birthday, I get that so hard. I also get the same with Christmas and New years. My anxiety is on a high level between October and January.

Today is my birthday and I am so lucky I found this video. As an army vet it’s difficult to manage my anxiety and stress. Lately, it’s been easier to manage it and truly happy that the RU-vid mental health community is always here to offer content creators perspectives. Thank you

I always feel depressed and like crying near every bday that I can remember, specially since I left my home country. since I've been in the US (9 years now) I have dreaded bdays even more. my mother who had never really had much love towards me anyway just seems to hate the day that reminds her I was born, which she has said during arguments. from watching this video I understand now that what makes me feel this way around this time is the social pressure or tradition of being excited for and having fun on your birthday which I usually don't. my new guilt is that my partner now tries to make my bday a big deal and make me excited for it. i feel even more anxious and depressed because i feel like i do not deserve this.

Hi Steph! Thank you so much for making this video. Today is my birthday, and I've e been feeling a little down for the exact same reason. I get so anxious and rob myself of happiness because of the expectations that I put on my friends. It's really nice that you could relate because I honestly thought that I was the only one. I appreciate your videos; thanks a lot!

Steph, your RU-vid channel has changed my life for the better. For someone who can afford therapy these videos are such a privilege. I’m so thankful you were able to push past the fear of starting it and are now flourishing and changing lives ❤️

My girl I loved this so much. My birthday is a few days from now and I usually have the birthday blues just like you did. However this year I found myself being relatively okay and a lot more at peace... until a few days ago when I got asked the dreaded question - so what are you doing for your birthday. Lol. I legit could not explain why this intense SADNESS came over me - especially since I am usually a very high energies person and I thought I was finally feeling at peace. But girl, I think my issue was exactly what you explained. I was, and have been for a while, terrified by rejection and I absolutely love birthdays. I love to celebrate other people so much but when it comes to my own I get an anxiety that no one would want to celebrate me in the same way or that it would be forced. So like you I’ve self sabotaged a lot! And completely isolated myself on my birthday to from rejection or my expectations not being met. I absolutely loved what you said though that our lives are in our own hands so finding that thing out things that would personally make us feel satisfied and doing that thing is so important and will help us feel more at peace with our lives. I recently started my channel as well and I can tell you that has helped a LOT s well too. ♥️♥️♥️ Thank you SOOO much for this video, it was SO needed!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️🤗 HUGS!!!

Finding this exactly one year after this was published. It’s my birthday in 2 hours on September 29th and am feeling so anxious and sad. I just typed feeling anxious on your birthday and this video was the first one that popped up. I’m taking this as a sign from the universe. I’m hoping to find a lot of comfort from this.

Watching this video for the first time as someone who’s experiencing the birthday blues at an all time high today. Hearing you so happy to have reached 130 subscribers when you made this video, to now having 133K… I’m in awe of you and your accomplishment and is just a testament to show you that you were right- these resources were needed!!! So thank you❤️🙌🏼

This is much needed. I’m turning 30 next year. Usually I get excited about my birthday especially with the fact I was born a preemie and my family puts in a lot of effort when it comes to birthdays as well (be it low key or an active social calendar), but I’ve been getting more blue or jittery when it gets closer and closer to the day. The first reason feel especially true because it feels like a lot more doors are shutting than windows opening. I look forward to the incoming age related confidence and I’m enjoying 29 so far. I’m also done with fighting the impending ageism and unnecessary “milestone” comparisons with my younger & older peers. I’m focusing more on taking my final year of my 20s as the foundation of who I want to be in my 30s as well as living out the things I didn’t get a chance to do because of school or work. So far that’s been going pretty well for me.

Happy Birthday my sweet niece. My birthday anxiety was my mother had cancer and past on March 31st in 2007 my bd is on March 23rd. So March became bittersweet.

Today is my birthday. I'm feeling sad today but I have felt this sadness almost every year that I remember. I'm glad you made this video, thank you ❤️

This video let me breathe a huge sigh of relief because I finally felt seen and heard. Thank you for creating it.

I love the personal touch in this video! Keep them coming

Happy Birthday, Steph! I am watching this on 1/13/2022, but happy birthday whenever your birthday is! You give me hope!! :)

Happy birthday guys 🎉🥳🥳🥳 You all are awesome.Keep making earth a better place💕💕💕

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPH. You’ve been a huge help during this quarantine for me ❤️.

I’m so glad I found your video. I’m turning 30 next week, I’ve been looking forward to it because deep down I feel it’s going to be a very important year personally, I’m at a point in which I feel very content with my life and plans. I’ve never been much of a birthday planner, for me it’s more about keeping a positive and happy feeling during the day, I just invited my closest loved ones to spend the day at my home doing things I enjoy, but somehow this anticipation anxiety was taking over me out of nowhere, like if I needed to invite more people or plan something bigger. Your explanation only made me realize I was starting to judge myself, there’s nothing wrong with the way I want to celebrate my new year of life. Having a stress free day, surrounded by the closest friends or family and keeping it all about joy and gratitude. Thank you 💕

It's my 26th birthday in 2 weeks and I feel anxious, disappointed, frustrated and sad because I feel like I haven't achieved much in 26 years. Due to this panoramic, I wasn't able to apply for a job. I got my geologist license in December 2019 and I was about to apply for a job in 2020 but shit happened and everything stopped. I got stuck at home with no job and no goal. Up until now, I am surviving, living with my dad. My birthday just reminds me of wasted time.

The success is in putting it out. I’m checking this out on my birthday. That phrase just freed me up

In 22 minutes is my birthday and I've been down, blue and crying the whole week. Thank you for this video, I needed it. 🙏🙏

Happy Birthday Steph Anya!!🎈 Wow! This may be my favorite video thus far. Thank you for sharing your personal experience with the world. 😊👍

Happy birthday!! Wow you are so knowledgeable about psychology and all these dynamics. I love learning about it all!

4 years later and you now have over 200.000 subscribers! Congratulations! 😊🥳 It’s the first time I‘ve heard anyone talk about birthday anxiety and it’s always so great to hear that you’re not alone. I have a hard time letting people get close to me and at the same time long for deep friendships. Birthdays confront me with the fact that I don’t have the kind of friend group I would like to have and I also feel uncomfortable with being the center of attention. I have been going on vacation for my birthday for several years now- mostly to have a great answer to the „What are you doing for your birthday?“ question… Your video has made me take a closer look at that. I want to shift these patterns!

This made me feel sm better. You've helped me understand why I'm always sad around my birthday even though I grew up being thrown parties and what not. Your background completely resonates with me and it makes sm sense. My birthday is in 9 days, I'm turning 20. I'll conquer those fears❤️

Watching this video was the best gift I could've given myself today! Thank you & best wishes.

Happy Birthday Steph! I can totally relate to this 😘 Thank you for always been real.

hey steph!! beautiful video!! abs happy birthday, I'm super happy to join your channel xx

This is maybe one of my most relatable videos I’ve seen on YT. I feel so seen!

This has encouraged me SO MUCH. Your channel inspired me to finally start mine and with my birthday in a week-- I feel a lot better about it. I see your growth in three years girl CONGRATS!

Great video!! Today is my birthday and this totally hit the spot. I am living in a foreign country alone...loved this! Thank you! You have wonderful energy❤❤🎉❤

This was the best birthday gift. Thank you for your wise words ❤

Thank you! Yes, can relate to that one time in the year feeling that you are loved and cared for. Yes, the tension and pain can start weeks before.... Really working deep with my parts holding those beliefs and disappointments, turning 40 this year and for the first time travelling, to really own my own special day.

This was immensely helpful! My bday is tomorrow and I'm going to treat myself to the best and take the day however it comes!

I'm used to pretending everything is okay especially when it's my birthday. I just had an aha moment. I now get it! I didn't have the words for it (at all) and thanks to this video, I'm able to acknowledge those feelings. Thank you so much Steph Anhya for the amazing work you do! I've been watching your videos since your appearances on GQ and thoroughly enjoyed your analyses. Thanks to you, I've seriously considered a career as a marriage and family therapist becuase of how much you have helped me. I'm just so grateful to you!

It's my birthday today ❤️🎉 I needed a video like this, thank you ❤️

Watching this today cause I was wondering if feeling blue around your birthday was actually a thing. Glad to know it's normal. I always loved my birthday, and still do, but last year before I turned 20, I started getting a bit blue. It ended up being one of the best years of my life💕 So I didn't expect to feel birthday blues again this year... but here they are. I think it's due to my expectations regarding the celebrations, that are suffering due to finals. But it's ok. It's currently 2 days until my birthday, so I'm trying to cheer myself up and plan out things I love to do. Even though not all my friends will be around, I know some of them will, and I'll make sure to enjoy this birthday, knowing that a whole new age brings out so many awesome possibilities. Steph, I wanted to congratulate you on your channel. As I watch this, you no longer have 130 subscribers, but 147k😱🤩 That's incredible. Keep up the great work❤️ Best regards from Brazil💚

Hi Steph

Bless this video. Tomorrow is my birthday and I am feeling so low and blue. My therapist left the practice that accepts my insurance, so I don't have anyone to let it out with. I appreciate this and you. ♥

Watching this the day after my birthday❣️ I had a meltdown per usual lol. I was thinking of going away next year, not necessarily to sabotage but to just escape these mixed emotions. I have spent every one of my birthday’s sad and disappointed

This video is spot on in regards to how I felt on my birthday this year…

It is wonderful to listen to your wise experience! Thank you so much for inspiring us with your perspective because you share the feeling of peace with what you say! Congratulations for the beautiful journey you live. We may live with the fear of not knowing but it is great to know what we can accomplish if we try! Best wishes and congrats because you expanded your opportunities by trying and it reaches so many people, creating a positive impact!

Watching this on my 20th birthday. This video comforted me in so many ways. Thank u

Today is my 20th and for some reason I feel more anxious than usual but this Vid is helping me get through the day , Thankyou so much.

Thank you so much for this. Was crying days ago and now on my bday eve. Glad I’m not alone on this 🙏🏼💚

I appreciate this video I’m turning 21 tomorrow and I’m scared and sad and don’t even feel like celebrating it anymore just felt like I was the only one who felt like this

Thank you! It’s my birthday this year and I thought I had gotten over my birthday blues. Coming from childhood trauma and severe ptsd when I got married and got celebrated/embraced by my husband’s side of the family really got me depressed. It’s like as soon as I “worked” on celebrating myself, bam I get triggered from my mom wishing me happiness/well on my special day. I think it’s the anxiety that my husband wants to celebrate me but I’m waiting for that “unexpected incident” to take over my birthday. This video is truly helpful!

I’m 33 single and happy and I enjoy the time to myself. I hardly ever feel lonely because I do have my friends and family and enjoy spending time with myself. I don’t worry over finding a man because I trust that if God intends for me to have one then it will happen and if He doesn’t then I still am happy single. The only time I really feel just a pinch of not being content with my singleness is on my birthday. I don’t know why, but maybe because my friends and family aren’t really over-the-top with making birthdays special 😂. On my birthday is the only time I feel like I wish I had someone to make me feel special for the day. My birthday is coming up later this month so I pray that this year is different in the way I feel about not having someone to celebrate with. I just found your channel and I subscribed! This video definitely makes me not feel as much birthday depression/anxiety as my birthday approaches.

I love you. :) thank you for sharing yourself so openly! Relevant content

"The success is putting it out, the success isn't how it's received" Thank you for sharing this word Steph Anya! (nice name though;)

Starting my micro loc journey with my birthday in 4 days!!!! I think this will really help me move past my annual bday blues!

Thank you so much for this video! Every single year I wake up on my birthday ready to be disappointed and at least now I understand some people feel the same way. :)

I’m soooo happy I found you!!!! I actually am pursuing the same field!!!!!!! Literally applying NOWWWW 😍❤️

I am a psychology student and you inspire me so much! :)

You are blessed to have a dad you can talk to. Not all of us are blessed with that

I can relate. It’s heartbreaking to be sad on ur special day. It’s hard because ur family will go crazy for this one person’s bday and won’t do the same for u because you’re not good enough

Very powerful and insightful video, I encourage you to keep the videos coming people need and want to hear your message!

This makes a lot of sense, all my life my parents made a big deal about my birthday, my dad would always get me huge flowers and nice presents and my parties would be crowded with all my friends and relatives. Now that I've moved out for college I don't get to have that kind of birthday anymore. Which makes me really anxious because I still expect my birthday to be special like it used to be but it never happens because my parents aren't here and I have a smaller circle. Tomorrow is my birthday and I'm just really sad.

i don’t like my birthday because of all the anxiety but the thing is that i have a twin, so i feel pressured to pretend i love celebrating my (our)birthday.and it kinda sucks🤦🏻‍♀️trying to be the cheerful happy person is exhausting sometimes.

My birthday is in 12 days. This was a very enlightening video and helped my mood a bit. I resonated a lot with feeling like the part you were saying about you have expectations for yourself and that could be the source for the sadness for my birthday. At the same time though, my family said when I was younger I never really seemed to enjoy my birthdays, and all I can remember is being sad and being alone every year. I do have stuff planned for myself this time around though.

Thank you so much for your z insights on the birthday blues, I'm dealing with one right now and I got a fresh perspective about it. I hope I will follow the goal I decided for my birthday 😊 and once again Thank you so much 💖

this video helped me a lot. My birthday is in the winter and I've never had a good one always lonely but now I'm really trying to change my perspective. Also, you're stunning!

Thank you for sharing because I feel very connected to you!! I have those same experiences and fears!!

I would always feel sad and anxious on my birthday, this year I wasn’t sure. Since I am away and all alone. But your video reminded me that this bday is different. I put my worries aside and got brave enough to go for divorce after 26 years of marriage. I am proud of myself and will celebrate this special birthday on my own. Tomorrow I will see what I like to do and will do it.

I absolutely love your approach to therapy! I’ve definitely experienced some of these things, especially the passage of time. I didn’t have a childhood and every year reminds me that I just never will have a carefree time in life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🥳🥳🥳

It's 00:07 here Sooo it's my 19 birthday And everyone forgot it even my parents and it hurts it really really hurts, even my parents, I'm so sad and I'm in a terrible mood, I feel like I'm nothing, no one care, no one caree and I can't stop crying I really can't stop this 💔

Thanks, Steph Anya, you are a great example to all of us!

It’s my birthday and I really needed to hear all of this… thanks 🥺

I love your videos ma'am!! thanks so much for all you do!

Thank you for sharing on this very relevant topic. Your dad is a wise man.

i started my youtube channel, and i still feel so much anxiety about my birthday this week! but you're right, I do put this pressure on people to remember and make it big. i feel bad that I do that, but it always leads me to disappointment because no one can ever live up to my own expectations

*I loved this video!! My husband and myself both feel anxiety around our birthdays and from year to year its for different, usually opposite, reasons. I set goals for my 40th that I didn't reach and couldn't take the trip or photoshoot I planned because of the pandemic. The lesson in this was to not put so much pressure on myself based on anyone else timeline. 41 is 9 months away. In that time i've got more than enough time to make it happen. Could you make a video, or direct me to it if it exist, on when a therapist/patient isn't the right fit? I've seen several therapist in the past and one of whom fell asleep in our sessions from time to time, another who didn't seem to care what I said or to really be listening. (I found you from the GQ video and became a fan)*

It’s my Birthday today and your video was the best present, good advice, thanks.

Happy birthday! I am a clinical social worker in Los Angeles, California I have been enjoying your channel. Keep up the good work.

This is BEAUTIFUL ❤

Thank you for sharing. This was a blessing to hear. L🙏 Love your Dad's advice.😊

7 days until my birthday, i always had something special for all of my borthdays, i would go places or throw a pool party, but this year i didnt want anything and it wasnt necessarily that, i just wanted something different but i couldnt think of anything. no matter how hard i tried i couldnt come up with anything besides what i normally do and it made me mad, so i just told my mom to not do anything for me and that me and my bestie would just hang out at the mall. i feel content because i get to spend time with my best friend on my special day but i also dont because i always lived up to the expectation of something big and wonderful on my birthday that would make me happy, so now im just crying my days away until i hopefully feel better on my birthday, this video helped a lot thnx ❤️

Its an annual day to relive a bunch of traumas and all the haters - teachers, parents, relatives etc - might alllllll be right. Just for one day. The day before and after are fine but its basically a 24 hr trigger bucket. I hate trying to make it special by myself, year after year after year after year after year so i just get angrier year after year after year after year.