why am I afraid to be happy? kati unfiltered...

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I often ask myself, am I afraid to be happy? And the truth is sometimes I am. And I think many people are. We may think we're not worthy of happiness, we don't know how to find happiness, what does happiness look like in our life, happiness versus joy, or simply... we may not know how to break the patterns. In this video, I talk about my journey in finding how to be happy in life, and how I handle set backs. Can you relate? Let me know in the comments.
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1 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 1 тыс.

@innominategamer5511 2 года назад

As an extremely lonely, socially isolated 35 year old woman I wish I could give you a hug and be your friend. Your videos help me realize my feelings are okay I'm not so alone.

@Odetoearth 2 года назад

Sending you a hug! Hope it makes you a little less lonely 🙂❤️

@anemoia3603 2 года назад

Dropping by to say hello too I feel the same way ❤️ from one lonely person to another, hello 👋

@JTNYLI Год назад

Socially isolated? ...that sounds so bizarre and unreal to me.

@JoeD-f3i Год назад

Im 33 and I understand...just wanted you to know you're not alone

@adhdself-love Год назад

You would like a hug. Don't displace that need onto someone else so you can feel safe to "get a hug out of it." That would be lacklustre in emotional satisfaction, and you would probably end up feeling gross for asking, and, whatever yucky, boundary blending hug you would get out of it would not be worth it. You want a genuinely shared hug. You are saying you want to give a hug to be safe. But it comes across as creepy because it isn't your true desire. You want to be cared for, thought fondly of, and to be wanted and included by others. Not to serve them in order to receive affection. Just ask for a hug. In a genuine, earnest way, to a healthy person in your life, you will receive one. Then you need to let their affection be felt by you in the measure they give it. Not in the amount you wish for so much. The former scenario is reality. The latter is desperate energy. Only one can be the ground upon which a foundation of trust can even dream of being built. And, if there is no immediate "result" from this genuinely shared event of mutual affection, ie if it is a mere hug and that is all, no friendship ensues, Don't sweat it. I know that is hard, but don't sweat it. Nothing positive will come from pumping negative energies of hope and resentment and saddness into this person's realm.

@groofay 2 года назад

I definitely relate to the hyper-vigilant "when will the other shoe drop?" response to happiness as a result of repeated trauma, to the point where I'm just kind of resigned and not trying to find happiness anymore.

@gordongraham7 2 года назад

I can definitely relate to this.

@davidgreer4790 2 года назад

When you realize you're on a "happy streak" is the worst. Then your brain goes, "wait...this is good. TOO good."

@groofay 2 года назад

@@davidgreer4790 Yeah, when that happens it feels like I'm flipping a coin every day...it's gonna come up tails eventually.

@fridaymanly 2 года назад

🤗 Hugs

@grindsaur 2 года назад

Precisely: it starts smelling like a trap…

@lisamarie7268 2 года назад

You really nailed it. It is so uncomfortable to be happy and it's hard to get out of that comfort zone of being sad and traumatized. Sometimes I feel it is just easier to be depressed because getting past trauma is so hard.

@cassidyrsieder 2 года назад

I definitely relate to the “when will the other shoe drop?” My childhood was always living on edge , walking on eggshells shells..few years went by I got older and I met my bf at 19 and I moved in with him , he is the best thing that’s ever happened to me (: he treats me so well and I wasn’t used to that at first. I’m so used to being yelled at , manipulated , guilt tripped etc.

@user-ws2ln7cr9z 2 года назад

Omggg I feel you😭🤍

@biancastitt6622 2 года назад

Same exact story for me. Learning to be comfortable in discomfort

@sherriberner1819 2 года назад

I too can so relate to that I'm the youngest out of six kids I have four older brothers and one sister and I have one brother who is very violent growing up and at 4 years old he has this grin when he's angry and I thought he was being funny and I was kind of running from him and he was getting madder and madder but smiling more and more and when he finally caught me I was thrown into a wall so at that moment I learned that it is not okay to be happy and happiness means harm so I am very uncomfortable with happiness

@seiboldtadelbertsmiter3735 2 года назад

Same here I feel that if something good happens then something bad will happen to balance it out.

@naevoices6049 2 года назад

Same here, currently moving in with the love of my life and I’m getting therapy for the trauma!

@1129buttons 2 года назад

Yes. This is what I have told my therapist once the antidepressants started to really kick in. I was scared to be happy, because that would allow me to actually "shoot for the stars", actually get sh*t done, stay at my next job for the long haul, make long lasting friendships....and that is scary to me. I am so used to "failing" or starting over again and again, that the idea of happiness allowing me to succeed would be a new habit I'd have to learn.

@lissamatthews Год назад

Thank you for posting this. It really resonates with me.

@MalinmedM Год назад

This really resonates with me too - how did it go in therapy? Did you get over the fear of being happy? I need a success story 😄

@benjaccard194 2 года назад

This is so timely for me. Just self sabotaged a whole relationship I was developing just to stay in the comfort of sadness.

@benjaccard194 2 года назад

I journal about this a lot, I think I’d rather understand my problems than solve them lol.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

@@benjaccard194 I am so sorry you're going through that, but I hope this video and the comments are helpful :) xoxo

@lottanerve1777 2 года назад

If it is possible, explain yourself, explain what you are trying to do. if you regret what you did, let them know. Life is too short to live with regret.

@jeni3093 2 года назад

@@benjaccard194 I can totally relate. It’s like the sadness/loneliness/despair has been a close companion for so long that it feels like a loss to phase it out. Like losing a faithful friend, so to speak.

@sushigivesmelife2131 2 года назад

Awe :( hearts out to you 💖

@montanagirl9331 2 года назад

This was one of my biggest issues. It’s tough to get past.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

It really is!! But hopefully just understanding where it's coming from for you is helpful. xoxo

@vincentmessink3176 2 года назад

We as people are emotional creatures. We act based off how we feel and can tend to be nervous or anxious with things such as people places and certain situations with things that are unfamiliar with . Previous events also shape how we react to new or similar things happening.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Totally agree! xox

@JoeBidenIsMyDaddy 2 года назад

@@Katimorton disliked the video because there was a black girl in the ad before the video. do a better job

@whereloveblossoms 2 года назад

@@JoeBidenIsMyDaddy I don't think RU-vid creators get much choice on what adverts get added to their videos to be honest.. but I don't understand what the issue is ?

@ciara2837 2 года назад

@@JoeBidenIsMyDaddy wtf

@Desertphile 2 года назад

"We as people are emotional creatures." I am not emotional, nor am I a creature: we evolved; we were not "created."

@catesc9367 2 года назад

Im afraid of not being happy in the rest of my life. So i keep worrying about "searching" for a happy life. Im obsessed with trying to not make the wrong choices or carreer path.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

I totally know what you mean.. it can lead to a lot of worry about whether or not we are making the right decisions for our future. xoxo

@Jo-whoknowshowmany 2 года назад

Please don't do what I did. I thought I chose the right career path, but I made a mistake, it was not good for me. I have spent 8 years searching for something that is a better fit for my skills and needs. What I have learnt is that it's so important to try something on a simple small scale. If it doesn't feel aligned to me, decide early on, change and try something else. Don't waste time letting things drag on. Set a timescale for trying things. Even if you find what you don't like, it is information for you. Life is short, remember that when we die, as we all will, life doesn't stop, it continues without us. In your time, what do you want to achieve, to leave as memories for others?

@Jo-whoknowshowmany 2 года назад

Because the cycle of being scared to make the "wrong" choice can leave us as a default with making no choice. And the status quo is what we are left with.

@palesamphatsoe959 2 года назад

@@Jo-whoknowshowmany how did you find what you enjoy, I'm doing my final year in a financr degree, nd i just don't think i want to pursue this after, i don't even know where to begin to look for what i should pursue

@megpwnedyou 2 года назад

Being sad or unhappy is my way of getting my emotional needs met from others. I have found that they care more when I'm struggling, so when I'm doing okay, I'm afraid they'll leave me. Working on this in therapy. I hope to be truly happy and secure one day.

@mochi8206 2 года назад

OMGGG YES

@mochi8206 2 года назад

I FELT SO HARD

@ericsigler8457 2 года назад

That's a very hard way to live. You may want to reexamine your thinking that they will care more when they think you are struggling. That's only your perception.

@jJust_NO_ 2 года назад

im the one wanting to be needed not the damsel in distress persona because i see it as weak, eventhough im a woman. its nasty, like being a perpetual child within. human bonds out of lack.

@markmalinowski5951 2 года назад

years ago I always said "If I let myself feel happy, something bad will happen" as if I was cursed. I was sabotaging myself. It took lots of work and therapy to change my mindset and realize that even if something bad did happen, better to go into it feeling happy than in constant dread.

@maidoesdumbshit8493 4 месяца назад

I very vividly remember being 14 and realizing that yeah, life has its ups and downs, so that means I shouldn't let myself be happy anymore. If I do, then I'll start hoping, I'll start wanting things and when they inevitably don't go well, I'll just be disappointed, hurt, etc. again. If I don't let myself be happy - if I live in that constant cycle of negative emotions, the change won't be so extreme. I'll expect the worst and won't be shocked or surprised anymore.

@thevansickelherps 2 года назад

As someone with BorderlinePD, I believe much of my fear of being happy and "okay" stems from my struggle with fear of abandonment - if I'm okay, people will think I don't need them anymore, I'm all set, and will leave. This has been a core belief of mine for as long as I can remember.

@simonedugal7831 2 года назад

Kati, I needed this. Thank you.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

You are so welcome! Glad it was helpful.

@pollyminns4657 2 года назад

I have thought for a long time no one else feels like this! Thank you for this video! You have such an amazing way of explaining things 🥰

@marisac66 Год назад

I grew up in a pessimistic home and that feeling of waiting for the other she to drop and a development of self sabotage has always been part of my personality. I’m 56 now and I’m still fighting this. Thank you so much for your videos, they make me feel not so alone.

@a_cubedd Год назад

Hey, just wanna say go you for fighting the good fight

@Happyjack375 Год назад

I’m 53 and in the same place. Finally focusing on my mental health

@sambartlett7498 2 года назад

OMG. Kati can read minds (just kidding). This is my life. I've given up on happiness and instead prefer to focus on contentment as I don't believe I can be happy. Many adult children of alcoholics and other family dysfunction cannot even think in terms of being happy. We struggle to survive given the past memories and current thinking and behavioral issues. If something is going good I believe something else will come along and make everything turn bad because it always has. At least I know there is a term for this. Thanks Kati.

@emmaphilo4049 2 года назад

I can relate. I don't think it's that much a problem with being happy that it is a problem with peace and being serene and for once not having to face people's problems, because I have been used to people around creating problems for themselves all my life.

@Amy_Chronicallyill_bibliophile 2 года назад

Hi Kati, I have complex PTSD from years of abuse and definitely struggle with this. I battle feelings of not being deserving of good things and happiness. I am hypervigilant and always looking out for the next bad thing to happen. Also, I have bipolar 2 disorder, so the feeling of happiness always makes me think I’m just going into a hypomanic episode and it’s not real.

@hazzaplayz808 Год назад

God yes me too,it gets so confusing doesnt it

@nm-conceptfilms 2 года назад

You wonderful human being.. I was literally asking the universe for a sign to tell me, what the hell ist wrong with me, and opened up RU-vid, in the hopes of getting an answer. Never saw your videos, it was the first time, this popped up. I´ve been through very rough times and an even rougher healing process, but lately, life responds with so many goods and all I can see is pain.. This hit me like an anvil. Thank you

@aynilaa 2 года назад

whenever I’m happy, ecstatic, proud of something etc. my parents and/or sister find something to criticise. they struggle to be happy when other people are because they’re unhappy with themselves. this led me to always expect that either good things won’t happen to me, or that they’ll eventually turn out bad. so in order to avoid my happy bubble being popped, I only tell select people about my accomplishments, love life etc.

@LeaEschi 2 года назад

This is what I've been working on in therapy ^^ My inner perfectionist does great things BUt I never allow myself to be proud of me and happy and the complements people give me for those things I just can't except. I definitely always wait for the other shoe to drop and tell myself if I don't start I can't lose. It's honestly ridiculous so I looove that you talk about this. And thank you for being so open about your experience it is great to hear that its not just something I struggle with but a lot of people.

@JimGalbreath 2 года назад

Kati, sometimes I am just trying to survive the day… I haven’t looked for or desired to be happy for years now…I would be blessed to have people to provide real support but that’s just not reality for everyone. I appreciate and value your content and maybe one day I can relate to this video.

@lonewolfsurvival3453 2 года назад

I'm with you brother. One day at a time.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

I am so sorry you're going through a difficult time. Taking it one day or moment at a time is totally fine too and I hope this next moment (or day) is a better one. xoxo

@laurenalise3488 2 года назад

Thank you for sharing! I’ve had a hard time explaining this to my therapist, because I want to be happy but I find myself fighting it. I’ve had a trauma, mostly in my teen/early twenties. I believe this is why it’s such a challenge because I don’t want to feel weak or vulnerable because I need to be ready when the next thing happens.

@elizabethfindlay5752 2 года назад

I have a different reason why I find myself being afraid to be happy. It attracts toxic people. It happens to me. Take this experience. I'm in a great mood, dancing to the music and enjoying my good mood. Then suddenly a toxic person sees me as a supply and wants to talk to me. Be a friend or in my presence. I just want to be left alone. I feel it easier at times to be in the middle.

@wax9362 2 года назад

Omfg this is what I do, I'm afraid to shine in public because I don't want to attract a toxic person, and when they approach me to talk I shut down and be quiet. 🙄

@cjchristopher8092 2 года назад

I don't want to become happy and have it stripped from me. Going backwards like that is one of the worst things I've ever experienced.

@Bpdbryan 2 года назад

I have BPD and in the happiest, healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. There were tough moments in the beginning but I feel safe with someone for the first time. Plus doing well in my own mental health advocacy online (including winning an award and appearing on multiple podcasts). Yet I feel like something is going to come along and take it all away or that I don’t deserve it. My partner constantly tells me I’m amazing and inspiring but I just can’t handle it.

@silvershadow7655 2 года назад

That's great. Is your partner your FP? How does your partner cope with you splitting?

@joshuabullard6959 2 года назад

When struggling with addiction our false sense of happiness is based around my drug whatever it may be. When i became sober and worked through my feelings i uncover what it truly means to be happy. Discovering my new self is scary and I sometimes don't like the change because it's uncomfortable but I know it's worth it. I hope this helps someone today.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Thank you so much for sharing!! I know this will help so many people :) xoxo

@donnafontaine2799 2 года назад

Helpful to read thank you

@EmSpacebird 2 года назад

I'm a recovering addict as well and this is spot on! Wishing you well, friend.

@saherohero6112 2 года назад

My experience: Every time I felt that things were "smooth sailing" ( meaning I really believed that things were starting to get better).... "Whammy" out of nowhere - and I was back at square one. Those set-backs or disappointments increased my level of uncertainty (self-doubting and co) as to my judgement ability. That is very frustrating. In sum, alll of those components keep me small and humble. When you're on the ground - or in a gutter, you can't fall much further..... Happiness "is supposed to be" a constant which allows a person to build resilience throughout tough times. When I tried to let happiness become a constant- I got knocked down over and over again. So now I just don't try anymore. I live in a freeze or fawn state - just to exist.

@AutumnS264 2 года назад

That was so well said. You picked the thoughts out of my brain and articulated them here.

@saherohero6112 2 года назад

@@AutumnS264 - I feel with you *hug*

@-_Somebody_ 2 года назад

YOU took the words from me. Well said - my new constant is being content in any and all situations that present themselves rather than seeking what the next person has or what those damn social narratives I was brainwashed with early on in life. It stops here. I’m sick of being set up to fail and start all over again because of somebody else taking advantage of me and my success. I’m done.

@hazzaplayz808 Год назад

Same here

@sandydanes3935 Год назад

"Happiness" is not constant and never will be. It's fleeting and usually shows up while we are busy doing something else. Never while searching for it. Now contentment and a sense of well-being can be a constant. Believing we'll be OK no matter what comes along. I understand the sabotage and did it for years. Still do it, but it's getting much better. It's hard to change old habits. Both good and bad things happen in life no matter what. My goal is to enjoy the good as it comes and handle the bad as well as possible. I'm struggling with it a little right now. The stars are lining up and my automatic response is self sabotage. I'm forcing myself to step back, slow down, and think it through. Once I accepted the fact that there's no road to never-ending bliss, the process became easier. Relish the good in life without shooting ourselves in the foot. 😊

@LXSeaV 2 года назад

Brene Brown says the scariest and most vulnerable emotion is joy. So ironic, but if you think about it, it's true. We're afraid to fully appreciate what can be taken away, destroyed or eventually disappoint.

@theoptimisticupcake 2 года назад

It’s comforting to know other people experience this! I also relate to the feeling of waiting for the other show to drop. It’s hard to recognize my own happiness without also feeling like if I acknowledge it something bad will happen.

@Bekins88 2 года назад

When I remember myself while feeling happy that's when the waiting for the other shoe to drop thing takes over. Other times, I won't be able to relax enough to feel the happy. It's very similar to being afraid to succeed. I think in my case it comes from that fight or flight cycle that we can get stuck in, because we aren't sure that it's ok to put our guard down yet. At the same time, if you were the cause of pain and suffering of someone else, you can stay in that self-sabotaging cycle because you think you're a bad person at the core and that if you allow yourself to feel positive emotions, you might hurt someone again becauae you let your guard down. You are bad, so you don't deserve to feel good things.

@lunastella2323 2 года назад

Thank you for putting into words what I couldn't all these years.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Of course!! I am so glad the video was helpful :) xoxo

@lunastella2323 2 года назад

@@Katimorton I didn't even know that this was an actual thing. I'm learning so much and that has helped immensely. Thank you

@dahlw 2 года назад

People tend to remember and feel a loss much more than a gain. So while finding happiness is great, the fear of losing it can interfere with your ability to get or stay in that state of mind.

@ayemiksenoj5254 2 года назад

I'm honestly no longer afraid to be happy, but the relationships that I have, that mean the most and I am responsible for keep me in a constant state of being stuck or settling. An that's where my dilemma lies: trying to figure out a medium where those most important to me won't have to suffer because what makes me happy will uproot them and make them uncomfortable and possibly very unhappy.

@MargauxNeedler 2 года назад

This has been the video I needed to see lately. Yes, it's scary to be happy oftentimes

@wdwdwdw21 2 года назад

this is so true and i feel my experience and emotions represented and articulated extremely accurately. thank you for putting this out there! i dont think this could have been composed any better.

@kateybarnett1145 2 года назад

I have never had anyone explain the purest and clearest way of how I function on a very regular basis like I just can’t believe that I’m not the only one.

@ogeorgev 2 года назад

When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding." Couldn’t agree with this more.

@KillingJoke3030 2 года назад

This definitely resonates. Just the awareness that I feel happy will cause me to sabotage it in proportion to how happy I feel, like I need to punish myself for feeling good. The idea of letting one's guard down makes perfect sense, I have PTSD so letting my guard down is terrifying for this and so many other reasons.

@JR-bi9fk 2 года назад

For me, this is one of the most relatable topics you've ever addressed. Feeling happy or hopeful is so foreign that I'm suspicious of my own emotions. For a long time the best, most desirable feeling I've had access to is "relative safety/security," a temporary state of calm waiting for the next catastrophe. Anything beyond that feels dangerously naive, leaving myself open to being caught off guard. It's a problem that resists a solution but I've made progress this year and I'm very grateful. My personal experience of this has been very closely related to the near-total loss of the feeling of uncomplicated joy. For years I was determined that I would force me sense of joy to come from accomplishment and upward mobility in life, literally avoiding anything that felt good but was not tangibly productive to avoid distraction from my goals. In this time I completely lost touch with what actually brings me joy and fulfillment outside of that context, to the point that I've literally forgotten what any of those things are/were. I still have that habit of eschewing any positive feelings unrelated to achievements, so it's hard to know where to even begin. If this is something you would consider addressing in a future video I would be very grateful and I'm sure many others would as well. Thank you for this channel and all of your effort 🙏

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Thank you so much for sharing!! I hadn't thought of the angle of focusing on accomplishments over joy or enjoyment. That's a great topic to talk about as well!! xoxo

@marionannmacredie 2 года назад

This resonates with me too

@AutumnS264 2 года назад

I resonate and agree with everything you said.

@jJust_NO_ 2 года назад

beautiful.... i guess in that area of functioning, you need social validation/ appreciation to ascertain your accomplishments. 'joy' or dopamine kick comes from people seeing you.

@emmaphilo4049 2 года назад

Your comment is well put and very interesting! Thanks for sharing. It just shows how the performance based society can put a cap on people's happiness as they lead us to focus not on joy but on achievment.

@gdcompton1920 2 года назад

I can relate. In the back of my.mind, I do wonder when the other shoes will drop. I know this is an irrational thought, probably a little superstitious and very unhelpful. I'm so afraid of making a decision and having it turn out poorly too. I fight being crippled by indecision and fear. Great video. I'm also working to break bad relationship cycles too.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

I am so glad it was helpful!!! I know it's hard work, but you are totally worth it :) xoxo

@palesamphatsoe959 2 года назад

Literally me, I'm always waiting and anticipating the worst, because it's comforting and familiar

@heatherr6562 2 года назад

Definitely from trauma, hypervigilance, being unhappy in a stressful living situation for too long and having your romantic relationship end so suddenly and unexpected due to ghosting.

@ididbadthings 2 года назад

I will often break into tears when I feel someone has given me a genuine compliment or when my counsellor gets me to admit do something I’m proud of. It’s like I can’t handle the feeling of good about myself.

@salvation19 2 года назад

i'm so glad my therapist recommended your videos to me several years ago. i love being able to search any topic and listen to you talk about it. your method of speaking and relating situations to possible mental illness is so easy to follow and listen to. i lost my grandmother 3 weeks ago and watched your grief videos on the way to the funeral. i had never felt grief before, and never lost anyone in my life. it really helped me to understand how to feel.

@boostmobile9249 2 года назад

Happy FEELS WONDERFUL!!! POWERFUL!!!, STRENGTHEN, " Superwoman" Dynamic STRENGTH!!! 👍👍👍👍👍💛💛💛💛🏆🏆🏆💪🏆😁😁😁😁😁😃😁😊

@Rivensdusk 2 года назад

“That whole belief system needs to be challenged and fact checked”. Brilliantly said, for me this is one of the possible keys towards better getting through this. Thank you for the reminder in a reflection. For me, I hardly take the time to think what happiness means to me. I use to feel so guilty for all the too many mistakes I’ve made, that hurt me and others around me I loved. I choose to manifest every bad thing I could endure and suffer through. Thinking that would or could redeem the things I did, my salvation “hey, hey, hey, do you think they love me now?”. I need to stop here, there’s more here then I thought to get through. I’m a writer, because it’s a way I’ve learned how to heal. I think I need to get some more writing done tonight and through out this week. Thank You Again.

@rachelrobertson7353 2 года назад

“The other shoe.” Yes! I can relate to this so much. I’ve been married for three years, and I’ve known my wife for five years. She’s my first healthy relationship ever, and I’m still waiting for that other shoe to drop (even though I know it won’t, because Miranda is nothing like my past abusive exes). She knows this is a fear of mine and it makes her sad, but she understands. This video was sooo helpful and resonated with me. You made sense and explained everything well. Thank you, Kati!

@Odetoearth 2 года назад

I’m so happy for you that you have someone who treats you with love!❤️

@julieadams930 2 года назад

Katie I am a young 75 year old and I feel most of my life that whenever I have shared something happy I get a little whisper inside of me that says now that will be challenged and it is so I don’t know if it’s just all in my head or if it’s fate working against me but there are my thoughts on the subject I appreciate you so much my daughter my son thinks I need therapy and you are wonderful

@boostmobile9249 2 года назад

True happiness is SHOWING SELF-RESPECT, SELF- Caring. Safety, contentment. Satisfaction, satisfied. CALM. SECURITY!!! IS HAPPINESS 😊😊😊💛💛💛💛👍👍👍👍👍

@nataliehilton2661 2 года назад

Kati thank you for being amazing and so real and honest with us

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Of course!!! I hope it's helpful :) xoxo

@somehowiknew4786 2 года назад

I just love this channel I find it very informative, I’ve been watching your videos for a few weeks now and I’ve learned a lot about why I feel the way I do on a day to day basis. Keep it up

@thehealingfairee 2 года назад

Yes, this is me all of the time! I've gotten better at just allowing myself to be in the present moment and not try to cling to the happiness or push it away. But often times when something good happens where I SHOULD feel happy, I just feel nothing at all. Or confused. Like my body just doesn't even know how to feel happy anymore!

@davidcantone1300 2 года назад

Hi ,Everything You said made so much sense . i always felt I don't deserve to be happy . sometimes I can fake it ,like the time this picture was taken . its kind of a long story why that takes me back to when I was 10. I always would try to make others happy even tho I wasnt . I felt others happiness were more important than mine . tho I'd always get hurt in the end and sometimes end up in mental health hospital . There is something else that I dont talk about much cause I feel no one understands ...I feel guilty when I start to feel happy ,or if I laugh at a comedy. So many people in this world are suffering every day ...I did volunteer awhile helping the elderly and trying to make them happy while they had to live in a skilled nursing facility ....but after several years I got close to them ,got to know them ...I was even awarded volunteer of the year one year for the whole state ...but after several years as they were passing I felt I couldht handle it anymore . I wasnt able to help them ....I couldnt stop their suffering or take away their illness ...I felt useless ...I wasnt able to bring happiness in their lives anymore .... How could I be happy when so many are suffering ? During pandemic I went the entire first year literary isolating myself from the world ,I couldn't comprehend why people went on and did things they enjoyed and made them happy ( still staying safe tho )... Even now I feel guilty if I start to feel happy , also feel I don't deserve to be happy Also like You mentioned the happiness wouldnt last cause something will come ,something will happen to take that happiness away . I apologize writing so much ..now I don't know if I made any sense . but thank You for letting me share this also Thank You for video ...it is very helpful .

@katiswan3160 2 года назад

💜It makes sense to me👍💛

@Godisfirst21 2 года назад

Happiness is an emotion, just like sadness, joy, bliss, guilt, excitement, anxiety, depression, etc. I wouldn't chase happiness......just like I wouldn't chase depression.

@boostmobile9249 2 года назад

Be BROAD MINDED, daily!! U are a VIP: Very important Person"!!! Allow & enjoy growing!!!

@montanagirl9331 2 года назад

Every time I’ve been happy I had to wait for the second shoe to drop.

@genealotech 2 года назад

Thank you so much for sharing this. I guess I qualify as a cherophobe. I’ve had multiple traumatic experiences. Example: I finally meet the man of my dreams, only to lose him to a pulmonary embolism two years into our marriage. I am constantly self sabotaging in order to beat the disappointment to the punch. I’ll need to bring this up to my therapist. Thank you. ❤️

@karlaespinosa9458 2 года назад

Kati, you've helped me so much on my mental health journey. Thank you for providing us with your own struggles, makes me feel less alone.

@ريمالدوسري-ن5م 2 года назад

شكرا لك هذا المحتوى رائع لقد أفادني كثيرا 💜

@valentinarodriguez9036 2 года назад

Thank you for making this video. It is weird to say that you are afraid to be happy, sounds odd but I experience it a lot, and I have a lot of self sabotaging behaviors that ruin everything that I want. And even though I feel very depressed, sometimes I feel more comfortable there because is all that I know. In my case I think that I’m afraid to be happy because I don’t think I deserve it, or I am good enough for it. Glad to know what you think about it.

@Kyruusstatic 3 месяца назад

This is totally me. Feeling happy and rewarded feels so odd to me cuz Ive had an eternal sadness to me that being happy feels...wrong.

@thecatsister3040 2 года назад

This hits me so hard and why I never taught of these. I am beyond afraid of being happy. As if my life is a curse, if I started to feel happy, there will always be unhappy/disastrous moment after that. I guess that this stems from my childhood trauma. When I am happy and cherishing my moment hidden from anyone else, there will always adult/caregiver suddenly yelling or beating me and telling me to stop being happy. Making me forever in my life feel guilty of being happy. My heart is pounding hard every seconds I am writing this comment.

@ShadeCandle 5 месяцев назад

There's definitely a hypervigilance piece for me, like it's dangerous to let my guard down. But I think on a deeper level, my resistance to happiness is a shame thing, believing that I somehow don't really have the right to be happy, and like if other people see me expressing joy, they'll be repulsed or angry with me... Seems crazy to actually say it.

@sidoniegtk 2 года назад

I never have been able to identify what I have been struggling with. but this explains all of it. I am so afraid of happiness but never have been able to understand that. thank you kati - this video truly changed so much for me. I needed this

@shakurwonders5216 2 года назад

Hello Katie, thanx for the video, can you make a video to touch on "SEXUALITY CONFUSION AND HOW TO COPE" its a piece of work 4sure

@chevonneclay1277 2 года назад

First

@Katimorton 2 года назад

woot woot!! xoxo

@sanad4718 22 дня назад

Happiness is not real, the only real feeling is sadness it can last for long time getting use to it is much comfortable

@Meljoy42 2 года назад

Yes! You explained exactly how I feel so well! I had a relatively happy childhood, but then things got flipped upside down and everything safe felt like it got taken away. Ever since then I don’t trust happy. I hold my breath expecting something to go wrong, or I sabotage things myself to make that true. I’m pretty new to therapy, and even just the small amount of stuff I’ve been working through, understanding better and trying to heal, makes me nervous to keep going. Being healthy and happy sounds scary, because I don’t remember what that’s like. And I’m used to the chaos I’ve lived in for so long that the idea of things being okay and me having to trust that they’re really okay, sounds terrifying. So all of this video made me feel so seen, and I really appreciate it. I will keep trying to break the cycle, but it’s so hard to believe happiness is real and will stay and that I do deserve to be happy😔🙈

@evvivaupopulucorsu5629 Год назад

Hope you’ve find happiness since you commented, exact same story I had an amazing childhood then all of a sudden everything started to switch, all of the thing I was fearing happened (loneliness, sadness, loss of a parent) I started to loose hope in happiness, and started to reject it, even tho I was motivated by my goals, I wasn’t truly believing in them cause I was scared of succeeding and feeling happy. I’ve learned to control my emotion and thoughts, you will get what you want cause keep that in mind every person on this planet is capable of achieving anything, keep believing keep manifesting, trick your brain and don’t pay attention to bad thoughts. You are energy, start to practice mindful, start to manifest, start to believe cause the world wants you to succeed, the universe is the mirror of your inner self, you reflect your thoughts. Learn about the laws of universe, and experience life amzing gifts You deserve it as much as me and each living person in this world, visualize and awake yourself 🙌 Wish you an amazing recovery

@mara1275 2 года назад

OMG I have that crappie pattern I am continuously fighting if I'm happy I say okay when is the next missile coming to hit me 😒😭😫😭🤧🙏😫🖤😭🙏🖤🙏😫🤧

@disa_nour 2 года назад

This is exactly where I'm at right now, I've been in a little of a rut this last couple of weeks and yesterday I suddenly woke up and felt alright. All of today and yesterday I've been walking around thinking "when will I feel bad again?" And almost wishing I could 'cuz I know how it feels to be down and I know how to handle those emotions but feeling excited and happy is not something I'm used to. Therefore I feel scared to be happy - It's weird to explain it to other people so I never talk about it which is why I loved hearing someone else mention it in this video♥️

@palesamphatsoe959 2 года назад

Oh my gawshh i completely get this😭 this happiness is like a foreign emotion, i feel so alienated from it

@disa_nour 2 года назад

I hope we both one day can get used to happiness♥️

@chasingblue8952 2 года назад

Why am I fearful of being happy? To; avoid an addictive spiral of euphoria from my teen years. My Ego destroyed-from Love-losing the word I. Met my wife at 20: it worked and rebuilt Ego, accomplishing results to support my family. Conscientiousness was ingrained, and decades later, images resurfaced. Openness re-merged, yet addictive-fantasy idealization is my root fear. Happiness was the trigger. Auto-psychotherapy destroyed Ego: my wife’s acceptance, then auto-psychotherapy rebuilt I: threw an emergent fantasy character, understanding self-love through this character to perceive and accept the past. I wrote my first book with the character in question, overcoming my distaste for words and continuing to edit; I moved from helping this fantasy character to supporting my personal growth. Facing cherophobia, being brave without auto-psychotherapy-I confront fear and malevolence with logic, experience, and conscientiousness-something my naïve young self lacked. I would love to discuss this on or off camera.

@lilithrose6857 2 года назад

Thank you talking about this 💜 it needs to be discussed!

@miss._em96 2 года назад

You totally described how I feel about being scared of being happy and when I feel a little bit of happiness creeping in then I’am like shit! Emilee what’s wrong with you😅!?! I really want to have and know the REAL TRUE feeling of happiness😊. I’ve know the feelings of dying and drowning and gasping for air by the monsters inside of me..for so long..I’am use to it at this point. I DON’T want this to be a label that the uneducated people who think they know what mental health is all about to label us all who have mental health illnesses and myself including..and judging us and all of the other shit they say about us! “I don't wanna be this way forever Keep telling myself that I'll get better Every time I try, I always stop me Maybe I'm just scared to be happy” ~P!nk

@Hawk_Leigh 2 года назад

For me it's more specifically a fear of being hopeful. As someone who's in chronic pain from migraines, and a lot of other layered issues from tmj pain, etc, that's been going on for years, poorly and unproperly addressed by doctors, (it's been a long journey) if/when I have a good day, or a surprising couple good days in a row of less pain or almost no pain, I won't admit it or focus on it. I'm almost afraid of like jinxing it, and I won't admit that I feel good to my family or myself sometimes because I don't want to "ruin it" or expect myself to feel good tomorrow as well. Because chances are, I won't, and I'm just so exhausted with feeling disappointed...I think I do associate a sort of "danger" with acknowledging when I have a good day because the migraines are so unpredictable and can last for weeks. So this felt like a very similar vein.

@marencalma13 2 года назад

My sister suffers from migraines too and her neurologist is treating her with botox injections. It works really well for her. Just telling you in case you would like to give it a go. Best wishes!!!

@krysc3441 2 года назад

Yep...Absolutely terrified of being happy. I think for me, it stems from trauma and hyper-vigilence. I am very used to being metaphorically cut off at the knees, or punched in the gut, after I let myself get excited about something. I almost do wonder if I bring that on myself. But it's been a thing for a long time. Hope gets dashed so badly that it can be literally hard to get back up. Going through a bit of that now, although much more aware of it. It is funny that your video came out today, actually. I am trying to let myself just feel and not fight

@mandystory4275 2 года назад

I needed this today, thank you Katie.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Of course :) xoxo

@VisionaryTribe 2 года назад

I really like your videos Kati! And you are so great and have an outgoing energy to you!

@_maia_m 2 года назад

I love this video! For me there are at least three reasons that I can identify (although I'm not as scared of it now as I used to be). One is what you mention about trauma and hypervigilance; I feel (I don't conciously think it) that something bad will eventually happen, and waiting for it is worse than actually experiencing it, so it's better to just get that bad thing over with. Another is that it feels like being happy means my pain isn't real after all, so it feels like it would invalidate everything I've struggled so hard to get through. Like betraying myself somehow. A third is that I've been struggling with depression and c-ptsd for such a large part of my life that it's hard for me to tease out what is me and what is my illness, and it feels like I wouldn't be me anymore if I was just happy. Which feels like a loosing game, because I could go on being me and be depressed (and maybe eventually commit suicide), or I could be happy as some other person, which would be a different kind of suicide, but a suicide all the same. All of this is probably cognitive distortions though (yes, I'm reading your book Traumatized now 😊 ) and it's not true. I can be me and be happy, and I deserve it after going through all that pain!

@brigidvanparys2062 2 года назад

That is me in a nutshell. My therapists have always asked why I'm so afraid to be happy? I grew up in a toxic childhood, not that it's a excuse but it shows the pattern that I'm so familiar with. I don't want to be happy because every time I've done that something awful happened. It takes a toll on your mind and body. I would love to not have constant battles in my head yet that's what I'm used to. I wouldn't wish this on anyone

@Iamrightyouarewrong 2 года назад

Sometimes I feel I rely on others and "Things" to make me happy, which can set my self up for disappointment, when the desired effect isn't reached, in turn can create a bias and shielding from trying and avoiding others in order not to experience the same failure.

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Yes! Omg that is so common, but knowing we are doing it is often the hardest part! So at least you are aware, and I hope you can find a therapist to help you work through it. xoxo

@Iamrightyouarewrong 2 года назад

@@Katimorton I don't trust therapist, but I wouldn't say I suffer.

@eesteinson92 Год назад

I have this. I almost broke up with my boyfriend because things were going so well and he might be "the one." Thankfully, he basically didn't accept my breakup by asking me if i was saying our relationship wasnt worth the effort. That question made me think and i said yes, its worth tge effort. Hes worth it to me. So i allowed myself to be happy in the safe space he created for me . And we've been together for 1.5 years now (been friends for 8 years). He's the best thing to have ever happened to me 🥰

@frederickwagner5776 2 года назад

I for one, feel like a fuck up.. Everytime I've felt happy it was immediately followed by periods of immense sadness. Like I'll get down on myself over the littlest things and afterwards I'll feel like I'm unworthy, uninteresting and I don't deserve happiness, love, success, etc.

@tammyparker1216 2 года назад

Definitely sounds like me. I didn’t have a good childhood and suffered a lot of trauma and sexual abuse. Happiness seems foreign to me. When things start to go good and I gain a bit of confidence, I do wonder when the other shoe is going to fall off or I start to self sabotage situations or relationships. I really want my life to be different and out of this negative pattern. I have been looking for a counselor but struggling to make the call. Family can make things worse as they are trying to “help” when they push with their own solutions and treat me like a child, when I am a 56 yr old woman. I know that my inner child is afraid as I have been through so much and wonder if love and happiness will ever find me.

@aliciagarcia5947 2 года назад

Ok! Lol. I needed this video today! Ty so much!🥰 You're so genuine

@Katimorton 2 года назад

Of course!! So glad it was helpful :) xoxoxo

@narwhal9249 2 года назад

Yep. Always been this way for me. Afraid of feeling happy, safe, connected. My brain shuts it down, because it will just get ripped away from me. :/

@debbiewang5751 2 года назад

Hi Kati, your video explained how I feel the past few years. My happy emotion comes and goes sometimes I don't feel it exit, I am just living the day and acting normal. Are there any books you can recommend? Thank you very much!

@hannahzwic5975 2 года назад

I definitely have self-sabotage and /cherophobia. There’s been so many times when I realized as I was doing it that I had an opportunity to grow, but would subconsciously keep myself small and revert to old behaviors so as to not grow and even delete the opportunity and momentum for growth. So many wasted opportunities and little hopes I had, I have a big history of self-sabotage. Now I have a lot of knowledge, I understand myself better than ever, and confidence, yet I still hold back and stay stuck in my comfort zone. I think For me it definitely is being afraid of having something to lose, I feel as if, I suppose, I couldn’t handle losing everything again, as I kind of did when I was young.

@0xymor3 2 года назад

That's so interresting to ask to yourself ! I used to feel like I forgot how to be happy which is linked to some trauma from my childhood. But maybe like you said I'm more confortable unhappy, even if I want to change things and feel better and I do not act or want anything else to change well... That's plain self sabotage exactly ! I think maybe we need to define what it is to be happy or just reacknoledge what it feels like and to me it's connected to inner child, to fun and being carefree. It has more to do with being able to dance under the rain, to be cheerful no matter how hard life can be, because you can. Do we need (a) reason to be happy ? Thanks for the video !

@raymondmarchand8815 2 года назад

Do you think A 74-year-old man can have a relationship with a 27-year-old woman or can it ever work? Wondering? What do you really think?

@gailterry3134 2 года назад

I have been thinking about this topic for some time now. I don't trust 'happiness'. Something bad does always happen soon afterwards. Like I cursed myself by allowing happiness in. Then there's the 'I don't deserve to be happy' that nags me constantly. It's like...I know pain and sadness, intimately. Happiness is a stranger trying to give me candy, but it's going to hurt me badly in the near future, so I want nothing to do with it. Going from sad, to happy, to sad is a lot of change for me to deal with. I don't do well with change! Also, happiness gives me false hope that maybe I'll be able to stay happy. But along comes something horrifying and I crash and burn. So glad you made this video, Kati. I really related to everything you said. I thought I was the only one to feel this way!!

@rick3747 2 года назад

I am 55y. My simple take is so many ppl make life a game of manipulation where they want/desire the next person, their sibling...to fail, mess up, or enslave the woman to housework like in decades past.... And no....to survive one doesn't have to be like that based on nature or economics.....but what happens is greed, excess competetion, enslavement can stir up mental issues thus making other things worse. I have felt...."I am good, you are good" type of perception can help address those issues from the start.... Just my two cents....

@Booster85 2 года назад

One of the reasons with having BPD why I self sabotage! It’s so strange why we feel comfortable being uncomfortable

@zykotek3091 2 года назад

I don't want to feel content. I want to be suffering because the majority of the population(yes I include all human and non-human animals) suffers constantly. It feels unfair to be happy while almost every other concious being is suffering. And I know there is no exit from it cuz nearly everyone wants to keep being being violent and opressive and it's always going to feel unfair.

@jJust_NO_ 2 года назад

people who are problem solvers... you might be one. always analyzing things about self. people in this category are into psychology, self development landscape. this has become your identity and function, so when all is well, you really dont have anything left to do, so.....

@lechatleblanc Год назад

being happy reminds me of what a failure i am and how i could have been happy for the past decade, and i could have therefore been succesful... it reminds me of how depressed i spent my 20s and how happy everyone else spent their 20s and how they got married and had kids, and i was just miserable and going from one unenjoyable situation to the next..it reminds me how they had a great time in college and i had a miserable one cuz i listened to my mom on where to go. it reminds me how they bought their first house in their 20s with their husbands and are mature adults now,....it reminds me of what a disaster i am when i finally chose to be happy... makes me have a consequential nervous breakdown

@the.kai.eros.experience Год назад

This makes so much fucking sense. I feel scared of life in general. So my healing feels like a tug of war… part of me wants to move through my childhood defense mechanisms. And the other part wants to hide for the rest of my life and just numb out to video games and porn. I recently moved back into my childhood home after a few years of traveling and expansion. I can feel how part of me wants to just live in their basement and hide. Being human is so fascinating…

@esile567 2 года назад

I struggle with impostor syndrome, and I struggle a bit with being good at something because of the pressure, as you said. I almost never feel happy with myself, even though I have done things that should make me very proud. It's only extremely hard achievements that can make me feel pride and joy. The last couple of years I def have this thing where I kind of go numb and become passive when there is an opportunity to shine because I'm so afraid of fucking up.

@Ykelli 2 года назад

I really think I do have the fear of being happy. Because I know happiness can be taken away. I eventually self-sabotage any relationship I have -- whether it be romantic or not -- because I can't fathom the thought of them hurting me first -- which I do still get hurt but still. I am trying to get past this but it is a work in progress.

@spookygiggles 2 года назад

I just got diagnosed with ptsd and I’m having such a hard time with it. I’m going to EMDR therapy every week and I feel like I’m just a zombie. Sometimes I think I’m just trying too hard to be happy… if that makes sense? Idk

@temporarilyblond 2 года назад

I selfsabotage constantly, I have almost everything to be happy but I keep finding problems and things that make me feel anxious for no obvious reason (even if it is obvious for me). It’s exhausting.

@miss_aery 2 года назад

Another thing is, not feeling worthy of being happy. With multiple traumas and basically being not treated as a full human being in all social contexts as a child and teenager, it is hard to deal with people who are actually not abusing you and treat you as an equal. It is stupid, but it always feel suspicious if people actually are kind to you. It feels like you somehow tricked them into liking you while you are not worthy of it. These thoughts often start to stress the relationship with these people at some point and it is hard to keep going, if you put so much weight on a healthy person. Stuff they probably never would have to deal with, if they had not interacted with you. But in the end these are people, you need to keep around, if you trying to be in happy and healthy relationships. But is it fair to put another person through that? Everything just feels exhausting, hard and complicated.