Bisexual Pride, Erasure and "Privilege" 🌈 

London pride is on 1st July so not even then! ❤

Uh oh. Looks like 25 minutes of creeps being creepy to the nicest person on the internet. 🏳️‍⚧SOLIDARITY🏳️‍⚧🏳️‍🌈& LOVE💜💕

Damn, why don't they have an ally version of the pride month t-shirt? One complaint so far with the video: "Buttered my parsnips"?

Screw it. "They" keep banging on about how "woke libs" have taken over. I say let Pride just run on all damn year. Got my rainbow Santa costume ready to go. 🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Exhibiting my straight, white, male levels of privilege: how the hell does someone else's sexuality negatively impact me? As long as it is how you genuinely feel, go for it. If someone else is forcing you to act a certain way, that's really bad. To anyone on the queer spectrum, I'm an ally and will do what I can to support you however I can.

That's a genius gambit ❤❤

See also "You can't be bi unless you've tried both [sic]"

I'm single and AroAce, so I'm the one you should point to when people say something stupid like that - I'm single because I don't want a relationship, and I'm not straight because I don't get attractied to ANYONE! 🤪 apart from Emma - I have a squish on her because of who she is and her mind, and nothing to do with the fact that she has a beautiful smile

@@edm-london1660 I don't think that's how it works

@@edm-london1660 I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand your language here. Seduction is about love, and physical sex isn't, because... why? And how does that make someone not in love if they still experience attraction?

I’ve been thinking about getting an ace ring for a while

We really are just invisible 😢

Now I NEED a bi ring with the inscription of the The One inside... you just had to put that idea in my head, didn't you? Thank you! 🤣

Where did you get the rings, if you don't mind me asking?

@@rolfs2165 Probably stole it from a hermit in a cave after a game of riddles

I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this, because I would've choked 😂😂

Indeed. I want that on what I wear for next years Pride week.

This quote this wants me to start knitting or crocheting just to put on a pillow and blanket :)

When I was a kid I used to think this. As “being gay” was said to be “a “life style” “a choice” I used to think why not everyone choose to be bi. I still think it in some way… I do not think sexual orientation is natural, a social construct like gender

When someone brings up that being gay "is a choice", I always ask them if there was a specific moment they chose to be straight.

​​@@anainesgonzalez8868No, sexuality is not a social construct. If it was, everyone in the majority of countries would be straight. You can structure a society to be more liberal to allow more people to have the freedom to express their sexuality in a more open and honest way, but you cannot actually change a person's sexuality.

There would be certain logic behind it, but I would never have chosen bi.

​@@EamonWillIt's kind of a social construct because it's based (in part) on gender. It's clearly based on something biological, but the language we use around sexuality is definitely constructed

"auto straight" I think the phrase u need is "compulsory heterosexuality" talk about bi-panic.

I bi panicked so hard I just un-bi’d myself haha

@@ShesquatchPiney Ugh, I wouldn't recommend it unless you want a flood of messages about how bisexuals can't experience compulsory heterosexuality because they're attracted to men!

@@KazeTori12 bi women love men and only like women.

So sorry! You are valid, and we’re happy to have you as part of our community.

And I'm always told I'm not bisexual because I have a boyfriend, therefore I must be gay🤷🏻‍♂️ Sigh

It probably doesn’t make it better but all of us queer folks are called groomers by the queerphobes (especially trans people, but cis queers as well). So guess that just confirms you as part of the community… Just remember there are enough people out there who will take you serious and like you for who you are

Oh jeez I love when that happens. I've also had someone call me a groomer too. Which was ironic because they also had told me that I wasn't bi, cause I had a girlfriend... In a gay bar. I laughed and answered with two questions. 1 why would I be in a gay bar if I wasn't. 2. How did you know I wasn't bi. Cause your right I'm not bi I'm pan.

Yep

Indeed, brother!

I would say I'm a "quiet bi" too, if that means being introverted and not doing a lot of socializing. It's not easy -- we get overlooked for being quiet in social settings, but being bi reduces our potential relationships even more. Good luck to you!

@@colonelweird You would think being bi would double your dating pool, but sadly that doesn't seem to be the case

I havent had sx with anyone period let alone kissed. I just kw i like both n imagine it all with both. I have had deep connections with both (my best was with a woman)

@@ninjoshday that was Woody Allen's assumption, too, I believe.

​@@NoName12344oyou're not. I'm a furry despite haven't fucked a teddy bear. I don't find teddy bears sexually attractive but i find them beautiful. Therefore I'm a furry. You get what you sound like?

I’m both “straight passing” and “white passing” and let me tell you it doesn’t take long before either falls apart as a concept. White people sus me out and it isn’t long before I get the dreaded ‘what are you’ question, and my lack of romantic/sexual interest also doesn’t go unnoticed and then you get buried in people trying to set you up with someone so you won’t ‘die alone’ like that’s a guarantee if you are in a relationship.

@@ookamiblade6318 Just because you are staring at somebody doesn't mean you aren't dying alone. EVERYBODY dies alone. But the number of divorced people I know would say that thats definitely not a guarantee. The best guarantee to my mind would be to have a duplex, and rent out the basement or half the place to a family that you know and like for dirt cheap, so they not only like you, but feel somewhat in debt to you, and likely that circle of friends is the best guarantee. Surround yourself with a community. But I think aspergers or some kind of social awkwardness is far more common in society because frankly I can't even IMAGINE asking somebody "so what are you?" That seems an INSANE thing to say to somebody. Maybe its the WASP in me, and maybe we should be 'selling that more' as a plus that we aren't interested in anybodys sex life or sexuality and don't want to hear about it. I think part of the complaints about pride events are just that, "hey, its great if you ARE that, but nobody needs to hear about it".

My son (born my daughter) came out to me as trans five years ago...took me two years to accept it...glad it went easier for you. Happy Pride Month!

All three of my children have come out as bisexual as teens. All three of us parents (we are a polyamorous coparenting household) told them we were proud of them for knowing themselves better than anyone else. Given that all three of us have been told our children will end up sex maniacs or whatever the opposite of sex mania is because we are not a traditional family with traditional values we were so happy our kids felt safe to talk to us about their sexuality. Honestly, I couldn't care less about who they are in a relationship with so long as all parties involved are happy and being treated well.

That's funny because I'm pansexual and my mom said it sucked how she only likes men but not a lot of men are attractive imao

My eldest son is bi. He never came out. Didn't need to. Whenever he talked about boys or girls, I took it in as part of a normal conversation. But long ago, even before I had kids. I knew that shouldn't matter, I would always be a supportive father.

@RayneeFloof sorry you're going thru that. There isn't much you can do. There are people out there who will be supportive of you, once you are able to leave home. I don't deal with much of my family, even thou it has night to do with orientation.

A drink of laughter, you say?

Hey, let's not presume. We will have to wait till No God November to see if Emma makes a video coming out as an Atheist.

I thought she was British and here she is drinking coffee - ALL sorts of mixed messages from this channel ;-) 😂

Atheisticism is when you're only attracted to rocks painted to look like God's face

@@Iwatchedyouchains and lesbianism is when you pray to the god lesbothos

I am a visual artist, and I maybe enjoy arts people the most. They are the least rigid about any of this and historically always have been. It's so refreshing in a world where things have to be a certain way.

Good for you for exploring! Most people would never dare!

​@@EamonWill And that's fine. Not everyone needs to explore. But it's ok for those who want to explore.

Cishet theatre kids who are pro-queer liberation and explore their sexuality are part of queerness, imo. You're heterosexual and cisgender, but you're like doing the cishet thing queerly. Queerness is more than just being not-hetero or not-cis, queerness is about pushing back against cisheteronormativity so there's room enough for everyone to be themselves, so even if you figure out you like your assigned gender and the opposite binary gender, experimenting is a queer experience because it's part of the rejection of cisheteronormative confines, along with other things like polyamory, kink, et cetera.

Fellow theater kid, I love the way you put this

Homophobic society is a pain in the ass. I'm a "straight passing" male bi and coming out around here is still seen as a bad thing so very few people know. But i have a lot of fun when someone says "he's obviously straight, he has a child" and they get broken when I answer "Me too, that proves nothing"... I just take the little victories I can, since around here the biphobia is too big. It's suffocating to live like that, but I still hope we'll see the day when nobody have to experiment it anymore.

“Straight passing” bi high school teacher here, married to a man, only came out this year to my husband, mom and three coworkers. You’re not alone. Thanks for posting, it made me feel less alone.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Please know that you're completely valid in being bi no matter what you look like, or you you're dating/engaged to even if it doesn't feel like it

Biphobia as I like to call it, is a very real thing. I live in a country that is a frontrunner for the whole LGBTQIA+ culture, and I have been openly bi as both a romantic and sexual bi since 2008. Sadly where I meet the most prejudice is within our community. Among the gay males, I'm a fake, or a weak person not willing to accept his homosexuality. Within the world of the "normies" I'm just confused or hypersexual, or someone who's seeking attention. I'm happily married and live in a bi relationship with my bi wife - hence why we are in a bi relationship😀But every year pride week which we just had here in Copenhagen, is a time for me that is an odd mix of pride, happiness and great loneliness. I have never hated or thought less of what I am, I'm very strong willed and capable, but during a time like Pride Week I can't help but looking at others with a bit of envy, being it gay or straight, and think that it would be easier to not be "split in the middle" as that seems to cause a lot of confusion and resentment.

Privilege doesn't describe freedom, it describes power. You're describing yourself being smothered by power dynamics you feel the need to play into in order to avoid losing personal power & the security that comes along with it. I'm sorry you're in that situation & I sympathize. Maybe we need to talk more about how the stress of passing as straight can be almost equal to the stress of being out- but I assume that if being out was less stressful than passing, you would come out instead.

It's a very tough and sad thing. Biphobia as I like to call it, run rampant in our community. I have been out since 2008, but lived a life as either a straight man or gay man for about 8 years prior to that, depending on whom I dated, which bar or club I went to, etc. It was a mess. The worst prejudice I get is from the gay scene. The "normies" just really don't know what to do with me, and the worst I get is that I'm an attention seeker etc. But in the gay community I'm a fake, I'm a guy who's too weak to come out as gay etc. Now I'm happily married to a bi wife, and we can support each other. Can I ask you something personal? Do you also get that absolutely asinine and idiotic question of "How do you refrain from being with another man if you are in a relationship with a woman, or vice versa?". My answer is usually this. "How do you refrain form being with another woman if you are in a relationship with a woman?" and so forth. Of course sometimes if we are both asked, we give an answer just to make them shut the fk up, like "Well, I send her out to bring home two or three girls, and I will bring home a couple of guys. And then we just all go at it and have a five day orgy to get it out of our system for a month or so.".

@@AB-80X I don't get that as much anymore. I've been happily married now for a while and most people don't even question my sexuality. It's only when it's brought up do stupid questions like that come up. My primary answer is "because I love my wife and she fulfills me." Just like anyone in a long term committed relationship.

Wait are you bi or pan?

@@tarathoughts13 when I was growing up, it was used interchangeably along with omnisexual. By modern definitions I would be pansexual, but identify as bisexual out of habit.

​@@michaels6119that's a quite a privilege

imagine being so cucked that you need other people to validate you. could be mental illness, but more likely mental weakness.

Bi men cutest men

Same here. Loved the mention

@@Jackorite sad.

@@roger4roger Who, you?

Comment coming from a woman who was bi herself seems *very* strange indeed to me. I guess it goes to show that just being queer doesn't mean you stop being weird.

@@paulhammond6978 I mean, queer is also a synonym for weird, so...

Hugs bro

Rereading this due to the comments and just realised I slipped in a colloquialism and that's something I try to avoid when writing, as it seems so fake when written. Guess I was getting a tad emotional for that 'owt' to slip by. In all my years, this is probably the most worried I've ever been. In the 80's it was just how things were, but we've seen better and now we're backsliding and the people leading the way are being vicious and extremely violent. For the unaware, that "owt" is Yorkshire for 'anything'. Eg: Mornin, is t'owt I can do fer ya? That looks so cringeworthy written down 😆

​ @paulhammond6978 a lot of bi phobia was generated during the aids pandemic. And Why it's especially focused at bi men coming from women. Because aids was seen as a gay mans disease at the time, bi men were viewed as the duplicitous undercover gays. Pretending to be straight in order to get into relationships with women, then sneaking aids into those otherwise "pure" and "clean" hetrosexual relashonships by having secret affairs with gay men. So it got embedded in our collective psyche that bi men are dirty and untrustworthy. Even as the context has been forgotten. There is a really great and eye opening vid by the youtuber verilybitchie about it called Why We Hate Bi Men, very worth watching

Thank you for bringing it up even though it feels weird, your experience isn’t uncommon and you’re an important part of the community

Your sexuality is not irrelevant

I was 30 before I came out it took therapy. I couldn't continue to not live the way I wanted to.

Spot on analysis!

I always liked my parents idea; "You can look, but can't touch". They both understood attraction is "a thing", and getting upset about it was silly.

@@Sephiroth144 perfect way of thinking about it, its one thing to see someone and your brain go "ohhh sexy" and totally another to betray your partners trust and cheat, we can't control our attraction, but we can control our actions

💯

Yes. This!

Endlessly perplexing!

The zombies get confused over the concept of intersectionality...😂

the "I thought you was american" comes immediately to my mind lmao

"I thought you were a lesbian rather then atheistic" This broke my poor little brain.

Oh shit- I'm an atheist... am I not hetero anymore?!?

@@CheesyChez421 I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my love and care for people.

@@CheesyChez421 Spoken out of ignorance. The world doesn't need your misguided hate.

So are you making any progress?🥰

@@AB-80X We decided it was best to remain friends!! Thanks for asking!

I’m happy you figured out what was best for you both and that you can still be friends :)

Don't mind either way, you are my RU-vid picatu

Are you insane the "community" is way too big, everyone and their mom is trying to be a part of it, it's long due for a division. These troonatics don't even acknowledge people can be gay and call lesbians transphobic bigots for not sucking their ladydik

I agree completely. I'm 58 and bi and I remember those days. Unfortunately I was too full of shame to ever participate in the community, something I will always regret. I spent many years letting people think I was straight. I think it would be no problem to do that, but it meant always hiding part of me, and never quite fitting in with the ways straight men think and behave. But now that we have some degree of acceptance, and I've finally accepted that I can be bi, we have this ridiculous splintering of identities. It's so sad.

I'm a 63 year old man. I think there is a wee bit of peering through rose tinted glasses going on. Back in the 80s when I was finding my way into the world there was a fair amount of factionalism and distrust within the community - as there is in *any* community. Many overtly feminist bi-women for instance were looked on with suspicion by the lesbians I knew. Somehow there was this idea floating about that the rad les fems were faking it somehow and merely tourists. I do know though that when I attended my first Pride parade at the tender age of 51 with my fiercely lesbian daughter I spent the whole thing in tears wondering how many lives would have been different (and saved) if the openness and joy I saw that day had been around in my adolescence.

​@colonelweird it's all because of a lack of proper education, I feel... I'm only 19, so I don't have quite the experience you both do, and I've always been able to be 'open' as a gay guy It helps that I was already hanging out with the hippy Marxist druggies but still education at my school on sex and stuff in school consisted of STDs, pregnancy and safe sex, sex in general, abuse and what not to do, all that stuff, but it was incredibly heteronormative. They did touch on LGBT+ things, but not much. And I feel its a lack of education because pair the small amount of education we get with the media perception of LGBT issues, then you're predisposed to dislike them. For example, I got my very little education, and went on naturally as an edgy teen to start watching comedy stuff. And a kinda worrying amount of comedy used to revolve around 'trans people are gross' 'man in wig' 'gasp you have a penis? But you're a woman' and that ever so infamous family guy episode which I remember particularly well. And so that made me have the perception that trans people were gross and/or illegitimate and not the gender that they identify as. I wasn't actively transphobic, especially since up until that point I had never met a trans person, but subconsciously I had the idea that they were just strange crossdressers. I held that belief until I got with a trans person. Only then was I pushed to research outside of education. And I think the same can be applied to the sexual identities that exist outside the cultural norms. People aren't taught about it and might naturally have some negative reaction, or could have learned that attitude. That might just be anecdotal, but from what I've heard most of my experience is representative of a lot of people my age, given the prevalent right wing pipeline of the late 2010s. Sorry for the long tangent

I'm about to turn 39 and just came out as bi a few months ago. Isn't it freeing? I've never been so at peace with myself and I never realized I wasn't.

@@ThatOneNerdGirly Shaking off the shackles of shame-riddled religion and living wholly as myself is the best feeling in the world.

@@JenniferElizabeth311 Yes!! Absolutely!! You put it so beautifully I'm tearing up! 🥲

@ThatOneNerdGirly is such a beautiful connection you have with even a total stranger when you relate to each other. Just knowing you're not alone.

I'm 38, and realized I'm Ace/panromantic between the ages of 32-35. It's interesting coming to these realizations late (mostly because I finally gave myself permission to really consider all the options). I'm SO enthusiastic about the idea of making sure kids are aware all these types of people exist and are equally valid, so the future of humanity doesn't have to spend time like I did, feeling broken and pretending to be something they're not.

Well, you still are privileged but the erasure is really wrong

They assume trans women are attracted to men... and I can confirm that's not always true. (I'm attracted to women - but as far as anything else matters, I'm ace.)

Stereotypes are there for a reason.

@@Ty-wf6mg To oversimplify things? Because that's what a stereotype is.

@@VolrinSeth The human mind creates patterns for a reason.

@@Ty-wf6mg Yes, the human mind is very adapt at seeing patterns that aren't true for all cases.

This comment warms my heart. I truly think this channel is very good to learn things about society

I'm 53 and bi! Awesome

You are not sexually attracted to deities, and that is totally fine and valid! So's worshipping other women.

Yo, just a quick question. What's the difference between pan and bi? (Legit)

@@falconeshield pansexual means that you're attracted to anyone regardless of gender. Bisexual means that you are attracted to two or more than one gender.

Hey, I hope that you're coming out of the closet earlier than I am. I'm also a cis bi male, and at over 40, I'm still not fully out of the closet. In my case, I only accepted it myself in the last decade or so, before that, I had the feelings, but I didn't accept them, and they made be really conflicted. I have told a few people face to face, notably my mother, who accepts it.

@@falconeshield its a small difference that varies depending on who you ask, imo it just comes down to the person, if they say they are pan, then they are pan, if bi then bi, sexuality is to much of a spectrum for us to label it anyways so going over the details is just a waste of time imo, I identify as bi despite some saying I would fit pan more, I think its dumb that some try and police others sexuality, as long as your within the ballpark who cares, like its one thing to say your gay when your straight, but saying your bi instead of pan is just a dumb thing to get upset about, just let people be themselves

How old are you like 17?

I’m ace and bi so this shared history always makes me really happy!! I always thought it was cool even before I realised I was queer but it’s reassuring now. Those parts of my identity are invisible in many ways, but I’m still seen and accepted in both of the communities where I belong 🥰

Amen to that bro.

LMAO WHO CARES

@@roger4roger You apparently

@@ninjoshday are you another adult with nothing to make you feel good apart from this lgbt nonsense? stop trying to push what you do in the bedroom onto other people you weirdo

@@roger4rogeryou care to respond

The most important part is that you were respectful of your colleague as a person😊

100%, I am the same way. People assume I'm an ally for my ace daughter and not bi because I married a man, but I dated women and men before I got married and could easily have ended up with a wife instead of a husband!

Queer in what? What are you representing?

@@jackieslorach8187 bi women love men and only like women. Not many bi's get a wife.

I’m bi and ace too 💜 I’m not really very out so I can’t commiserate, but thank you for being out and for all the explaining you do

Ace biromantic here too! Although, having only dated opposite gender, I have felt incredibly impostor syndrome when I mention I am queer, but oh well

People can't identify as more than one thing- HERESY! HERESY! (I should point out this is very much sarcasm, and I'm sad that I have to.)

This is one of my favorite comment sections.

Thank you!!!! Saaaaaaame

​@@Sephiroth144Hmmm... should I be a man or an American today... I can only pick one label /j

@@mindeyethemasterscreen2712 Weird how you know more about English than the Oxford English Dictionary... Pansexual: noun. /ˌpænˌsekʃuˈæləti/ /ˌpænˌsekʃuˈæləti/ ​the state of being sexually attracted to people without regard to their sex or gender identity. As for Demisexual, you're telling me you've never gotten to know someone and then later wanted to bone them- just bone out the gate? That's pretty sad. I'm also *soooooper* interested in your thoughts on asexuality

Why do aces think they belong in LGBT anyways? Couldn't be more opposite from horned up gay men.

👊👊👊

Also unite with aros.

That’s funny, my bi friend said basically the same thing to me when he came out.

Same with Bowie

@@jamesbates9038 yup!!

Hey, most do that, don't feel too bad about that. The important part is acknowledging it from now on. And I found out not long ago that there's a name for "straightish bis" but i can't remember exactly how it was written... gyno-oriented or something like that if my memory isn't failing me too much... don't know how "gayish bi male" or "straightish bi female" is called though.

Oh my god my bi ass mostly attracted to men but definitely attracted to some women and thought I was “straight ish” for years LMAO

But there are only two teams. You MUST choose one or the other! Jk. Do what thou wilt.

Since the definition of Bi changed, being attracted to multiple genders doesn't mean just liking men and women. It can be loads of genders.

Are there statistics out there? I always assumed that a not-insignificant part of the straights and homos are really bi, just settled for one primary partner and thus lived their daily lives as one or the other, asides from affairs or one-night stands. After all, men and women come in a wide variety from big to small, tender and rough, feminine and masculine, so a clear cut-off - not considering pheromones - seems difficult.

@@JabelldiMarco I don't know how one would go about getting those statistics but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that's the case

​@@JabelldiMarcoaren't real statistics because most of the bisexuals that 'choose a team' won't say there's a possibility of them being bi even under life threat... but there's a few studies around suggesting exactly that. And I'm pretty sure the "everyone experiments in their teens" is a irrefutable proof of everyone being bi within a greater or lesser degree.

plus honestly i think it's good to get a bit of materialist perspective, i.e. wearing bi pride eyeshadow and a fun gay tshirt is not the same thing as like. being a woman holding hands with a woman irl or being a transfemme who is notably gender nonconforming. it just isn't the same in terms of how straight people take those signifiers

Okay I came here to say pretty much the same thing. It's something I've thought "am I just being petty" when I feel myself disagree with this point being made. I am absolutely more hesitant to be affectionate publicly with my gf than any male partners because I know what it's like to get stares and sometimes slurs. There's zero risk there with a boyfriend. Like, imo, bi erasure doesn't cancel out the "privilege" of not worrying about that kind of thing (yes it's also a product of erasure I know!!! But homophobic straight people don't care about the nuances, they just care about whether your relationship is yucky to them). Edit: and ALSO of course that "privilege" doesn't cancel out the erasure. I'm just saying that the fear of someone hauling abuse at you feels like a different problem compared to some people assuming you're straight?

Ive always seen these kind of labels as just another thing to discriminate against people for. All im really interested in is whether or not you are a bigot, I dont need 6 labels and a tiny box to fit into.

I’m straight and often wonder this. I’m exhausted just watching the labels unfold, and I’m fully aware that heterosexuals have been a large part of the problem when it comes to people not being able to be who they are. I would say religion, especially Christianity, is something that has caused more problems in several areas of many peoples lives than simply being attracted to the opposite sex but I’m sure you know what I’m getting at. I watched the fight for gay rights, the rise of lesbian separatist radfem ideology, a fight for bi acknowledgment and a fight for trans rights unfold in my first 20 years - along with several other movements/fights for rights. This was never fully fleshed out and now it’s multiplied to 2000 different identities under each umbrella, that all have a flag (several that I watched kids makeup on Tumblr) and now each of the original groups has 78 different terms for the same or incredibly similar things… as several different fights for rights are simultaneous going. This is never getting sorted out. I want people to be themselves and be happy. I don’t want them to hide or feel pressure or shame. I also don’t want them to expect me to keep up because I’m approaching 50 and peri menopausal brain fog is real. I don’t have the time, energy of mental space to keep up withall the boxes or flags. If someone is trying to roll back our rights and freedoms that were. hard won (it’s always several things at once).. I’m right there with you. I’m just not 19 anymore.

I’ll fully admit I do not understand everything when it comes to asexuality. That’s not saying that I do not believe it is real, etc. I was in a relationship with a person that I am 99% sure was asexual when people rarely used that term and didn’t talk about it. It was frustrating, confusing and perplexing for both of us. He knew where I stood but had no idea how to talk about where he stood. That just resulted in more confusion. You could say the relationship was incredibly mismatched and one sided - in his favor. It did harm to our friendship which existed long before the relationship for awhile. We couldn’t stand the sight of each other. That’s been over 20 years ago, though. He’s in a much better matched relationship, has a XO beautiful child and I an happy for them. I am glad people are talking about it more openly today and hope it will result in more equally matched relationships that are on the same page. That’s a win/win for everyone. I personally have no interest in ever dating someone asexual again, openly or otherwise. Not because I believe all are awful humans. We just have opposite wants/needs. I’ve said this in other comments but I just don’t understand how this fits within the spectrum. I’m also concerned with several asexual papers and articles I’ve read that echo a lot of sex negative radfem and Christian Nationalist talking points. Is it every asexual? No! But I’ve read enough to worry me. I’ve even heard several young self professed asexuals reduce sex positive feminism to “going out and having sex like a man” - whatever that means. This is a religious conservative stereotype of OG sex positive feminism. I’m afraid I didn’t recognize much sex positive feminism in the 2010s either. The girls that claimed to be sex positive were acting out Christian nationalist and sex negative radfem stereotypes of sex positive feminism while promoting every terrible radfem & Fundie supported policy that sex positive feminists shut down in the late 1970s - 90s. Women were fighting against a legal and social system that sent them to homes of ill repute that were often very abusive if they had sex or got pregnant outside of marriage. They were fighting against being disowned and driven out of town. Against being forced to give up their babies or being forced to have them and get married. The core of sex positive feminism was removing and fighting against rights violating and oppressive laws and policies. It was about removing unconstitutional laws based on religious beliefs. It was celebrating women that wanted to wait until marriage, those that didn’t, and everyone in between. Teens - adult women were encouraged to get to know themselves, their wants, their desires, and embrace them. If you were not interested in one night stands… avoid. If emotionless sex was not your thing - avoid. If you had no issues with casual sex - you don’t have to worry about being punished for it. If you were gay, lesbian, bi… you shouldn’t have to live in fear of social and/or legal persecution - death. If you were black you shouldn’t have to worry about social & legal persecution - death for allegedly flirting with a white woman. If you want to wait until marriage and believe that everyone should wait until marriage due to your religion - you’re not being persecuted by anyone, including those that don’t want to wait. Please stop acting like you are and please follow your personal level of want/desire. I have a hard time with some incredibly ignorant arguments made by some young asexuals. It’s stuff I’ve spent my life fighting back against and I can’t say … okay! Women are still diagnosed with a “sex addiction” by several professionals if they say they like to have sex more than once a week. The idea that all of society expects women to be insatiable is delusional. That’s a common falsehood that many asexuals hold. All of society seems to = tv shows or videos. Look at the way sex workers are treated. Many believe they have all experienced trauma because they have sex or engage in anything under the sex umbrella. Look at the way fundies talk about women that they believe have a thousand c**k stare or rode the c*ck carousel. A lot of times they are talking about women with 2-3 partners. The rise of purity culture was said to be needed to combat all the insatiable whores out there. We are not in a place where women are expected to have insatiable sexual appetites. Not when sexually disordered = once a week when in a committed relationship or single. I will stop there but it’s not the only thing that worries me about some of the talking points. *pardon my rogue autocorrects.

Last thing I’ll add - I don’t think having less sexual desire/interest/a care either way = a disorder. I think there is a wide range. To this day many people believe most women are rarely interested in sex. Women have a wide range of interest levels/desires. They can change at different stages & ages in their lives. Many pregnant women are sex addicts according to some people because increased blood flow in the pelvic area often = increased sexual desires. Just don’t cross that once a week line which is perfectly normal in several stages of relationships outside of pregnancy. To this day many believe that all men think about sex 24-7. This is not true either. Testosterone can play a role in libidos being higher but there is still a range. When I do come across people in the asexual community who do understand sex positive feminism - not the radfem and fundie claim that sex positive only = women having lots and lots of sex and being unable to say no, aka becoming the sex slaves of left wing men (which sex negative radfems seemed to think happened across the board over night), aka Liberal whores teaching girls to have sex like men and do porn (during the AIDS/HIV crisis? are you mad?) … they always end up losing me when it comes to including physical & mental sexual repulsion in the ranks of being asexual. I’ve seen countless RU-vid videos and read countless articles that paint someone having pretty serious and debilitating physical and mental reactions as nothing more than perfectly normal aexuality. Not being able to see a kissing - sex scene on tv without having a reaction that requires you or your SO to change the channel as quickly as possible = perfectly normal. This isn’t helpful to people when that isn’t the case. This does go hand in hand with the fairly significant number of girls - young women I see online saying that they are asexual because liberal trollops brainwashed by the voodoo of moving pictures told them to have sex like men and do porn. Apparently this happened before they were born or when they were toddlers because that’s when the actual sex positive movement happened. Many have internalized aspects of purity culture and sex negative feminism. Most of them claim to shut down in terror when a sex scene comes on tv. They talk about our sex soaked culture and rampant sex being around every corner as much as fundies. What is actually around that corner in several of these accounts? A magazine rack in a grocery store. What is on that rack? A vast array of magazines on cooking, diets, fitness, cars, gardening, and that Cosmopolitan they are obsessing over. No, it doesn’t have to have a thing to do with trauma. I’m not a fan of the everything is trauma brigade, and I would urge people to run far away from any hack telling them they have repressed (aka forgotten) years of sexual trauma that the therapist somehow magically knows occurred, think is somehow responsible for every problem in their life, and believes they can uncover in hypnotherapy or other guided imagery sessions paired with fantasy inducing drugs and heavy suggestions. Run!! This pseudoscience started the Satanic Panic. Just don’t demand that people treat you like you experience trauma all day every day while saying - don’t tell me it has something to do with trauma! Several level headed therapists started making videos explaining asexuality v. sexual aversion for good reason. There are people that might be able to get help with aversion. They needed to make these videos due to a lot of unhelpful info within some asexual circles that pushes people away from an assessment. Suggesting that people experiencing physical illness, anxiety and revulsion should not ever hear that there might be a problem/treatment isn’t wise or responsible.

Gaydar is definitely a thing.. Though I need to test it with straight presenting 🤔 Knew a friend was gay before he did.. 🤔

@@MikeB-nn4nh Maybe the word "gaydar" is misleading. Some people are just better at reading others, so to speak. It's not an exact science, and it's easier for people you know well

@@NoName12344o Aww, thanks! I sincerely hope they nevertheless found someone who fit perfectly with them. :)

the only 2 labels we need are bigots and non-bigots

If you use rainbow clothes, you'll be 3 spectrums at the price of one... add a few led lights and you got 4... 😉