Books about grief that helped me after my dad died 💀🌺📚 

4:10 The Heart of Understanding by Thich Nhat Hanh 6:27 The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman 8:56 We Were Liars by E Lockhart 10:56 Looking for Alaska by John Green 12:35 A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers 13:30 The Truth About Keeping Secrets by Savannah Brown 15:19 Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton 16:30 A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis 18:20 Grief is the Thing with Feathers by Max Porter 19:25 How to Write An Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee 20:18 Wild by Cheryl Strayed 20:35 Option B by Adam Grant and Sheryl Sandberg 20:50 Hamlet by William Shakespeare 21:05 A Field Guide to Getting Lost by Rebecca Solnit and The Summer Book by Tove Jansson 21:35 Harry Potter series by JK Rowling

In 1976 I was 18 and my dad died. I wish I had this video then. Thank you.

This was amazingly comforting. I'm currently caring for my dad who has incurable stage 4 cancer. And even though he is still with me, for which I am grateful, I have been experiencing a lot of grief. Grief for the life I had before being a caregiver, grief for what's to come, grief over the loss of my dads health. It's overwhelming. Books have helped give me permission to feel grief without guilt or judgement as well as seeking out others who have experienced a loss themselves. Thank you for this video.

I'm 28 and my mum died (quite suddenly) six months ago tomorrow. In a way, I feel like the protagonist in a movie with a very heavy-handed metaphor, the external world rising to meet my internal world. I feel almost detached watching people worry about the end of the world, because don't they know the world ended six months ago? The world ended, but I'm still here somehow and so too will they be. As a counter to that detachment, though, I'm finding myself feeling very strongly for people who are losing loved ones in such a similar way to the way I lost mine. Suddenly, an impossible illness sneaks up out of the shadows and the person they love and who they expected to have in their life for much longer slips through their fingers before they even knew to grasp for them. Your Grief at Christmas video helped me immensely to get through my first December with my Mum, and your Backburner series is always a comforting balm to any difficult emotional time. Sending you my gratitude, and I hope you and your loved ones are healthy and safe.

This came at the perfect time so thank you. My grandma passed away last week. Since I live in the US now, I can't get home to the UK to attend her funeral and be together with my family. When I hear people complaining that they're bored at home during this lockdown I just want to shake them and remind them how lucky we are to still be here.

My mom passed unexpectedly on Christmas day. I was still very much pinned under the grief when all this started. It feels wrong to focus on my own loss but I can't help it.

I think Lord of the Rings was one of the most important things I read that taught me about grief. From the losses sustained by each character to the way the face of the world changed, life unable to quite return to the way it was.

I lost my parents many years ago when they were fairly young, and I lost my husband last summer. I'm surprised that I haven't read many of the books on your list, except for C.S. Lewis. I am interested in looking into these now--thank you for this. There were two passages in other books that were important to me when I was dealing with losing my parents. From C.S. Lewis, in "The Magician's Nephew," when Digory gives the apple to Aslan, and he looks up and pleads for his mother's life, and sees tears in Aslan's eyes as well. Oh, man--I still cry even thinking about that. And then in "Merlin" by Stephen Lawhead, there's a passage where Merlin has been living in the wild after a devastating loss and is being ministered to by an angelic being. The angel tells him it's time to lay down the burden he's been bearing, and to draw out the poison of it, and Merlin tells him that it's all he has left. Pierces right through me. Dealing with the death of my husband has been devastating in very different ways. I haven't been able to read much fiction since he died, but I found comfort in a couple of nonfiction books. "It's OK that You're Not OK" by Megan Devine was a lifeline in the first few months. I'm not sure if I would have made it through without her compassion. And "Bearing the Unbearable" by Joanne Cacciatore is a little bit more meditative, but was equally full of tenderness. They kept me afloat when I thought all was lost. I'm still not sure that all is not lost, but I hope now, when I couldn't then.

I never really comment on videos, but I just have to say, thank you so much for making this one. It's coming up for 5 months since I lost my mum, and books have been such a comfort, and such a useful tool for contextualising and naming my grief. I'll definitely be adding these to my list, and I hope they help others going through a difficult time too.

I lost my dad two weeks ago...although it was not a surprise (unrelated to covid-19) and I was able to be with him, the pandemic has complicated my feelings of grief and made it unable for us to celebrate his life the way we want to. Thank you so much for making this video, I will definitely be checking out some of these recommendations.

i found a lot of solace in "We Are Okay" by nina lacour when my grandpa died, and on some level i dont understand why that book was it for me but i probably shouldnt question it lol ditto "we all looked up"!

Thank you so much for this video. I lost my dad about a month ago and have been struggling to recognize and understand what I’m feeling to the point that most of the time I just feel numb. I’m hopeful that your recommendations will be a great place for me to start. You mentioned some pages on Instagram that have helped - could you recommend any users to follow?

Thank you Rosianna for making this video. I lost my father 16 years ago when I was six. I could really have used some children books about grief when it happened. It gives me hope that I the past years have seen such books published. I grew up with grief and over the years it has been my companion. There are times when grief is my worst enemy but other times it just walks beside me and I accept it and it's fine.

My mum died when I was 20 and a book I wish I'd read nearer that time (I'm 26 now) is The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

thank you for talking so candidly about your grief. I lost my dad when I was 17 and you were one of the first people I heard who went through something similar. Just knowing that I’m not the only one who this has happened to has brought me immense comfort.

I lost my dad when I was 16, and I'm 22 now. So far it has been a long and interesting and challenging journey to cope, and I'm still learning and it's changing all the time. It's definitely been harder with all that's going on right now, but hearing you talk about your experiences has always helped so thank you! And thank you for these books I had read a few before (we were liars! hamlet!!!) with which I had eerily similar experiences/takes and I will definitely check some of the others out! Thanks again.

My mom died 5 years ago yesterday. I was 27, but most of my peers hadn’t experienced loss yet (and every single one of my coworkers still had their parents). I resonate with the grief being isolating thing. I avoided it this video until today. Thanks for continuing to talk about it

My brother died two and a half months ago and I still don't really know how to handle it. Thank you for this video I look forward to reading these books❤️

You have a video called, "The things we choose to care about". It's not exactly grief related but it reminds me of the agency we have in our emotions, especially the intense ones like grief, anger, hurt etc etc

Thank you so much for making this video. My pop passed away in early February, just before all this kicked off. I've been reading 'This Green and Pleasant Land' by Ayisha Malik and it's lovely, and also deals with how religion intersects with grief

Thank you for such a well-timed and evocative video. So many recommendations for me to check out. Looking for Alaska was the first book I reread in its entirety after my dad died, and I was floored by experiencing it in a whole new way than my previous readings. I find that the pandemic is really tapping into, even painfully jabbing, if I'm honest, into the space of my grief as I'm reminded again of the fragility of human life and the anguish of loss.

Thank you so much for these recommendations. Your videos always make me feel more thoughtful and open. I'd also recommend We Are Okay by Nina LaCour--she captures grief and the inability to accept love from others after a loss so well, as well as being on the other side of that as the friend trying to connect with a friend who is distancing themselves.

Thank you so much for these type of videos, Hope you're doing okay 💗 😊💕 💕

I lost my dad when I was 12 in 2012 and you have been a brilliant inspiration through it all. Thank you. Your grief highlights on Instagram are reassuring. Thanks for reminding me that it’s ok to struggle with it. Sending hugs x

i am not sure why (therapy so far has not given any real answers), but for the past 10 years (i am 26 now) i have been finding myself absolutely paralyzed by the fear of getting attached to someone new, to the point where i, an extravert that craves real connections, have been straight up avoiding people and saying no to any exciting social opportunities. relationships in particular terrify me to no end because i can't bear the thought of falling in love with someone when i know with absolute certainty that if they won't leave me by breaking up with me, they will eventually leave me by dying. it's crazy to me that most people don't seem to be thinking about this 24/7. the way i live is basically grieving something i have not yet lost, and it's a very lonely and depressed existence. i can't let go of this mindset but i also really don't want to be 50 one day only to look back at my life and realise that i hadn't lived at all because i was always too afraid to. recently i have been thinking about how i should put more effort into trying to find some comfort and will to dare by reading more books on this topic. so thank you for this very much needed video.

I lost my dad in June last year when I was 21 and haven’t allowed myself to read anything pertaining to grief out of fear of opening the wound too wide but also some strange self punishment. My dads death was sudden and unexpected and we were encouraged to continue with life as far as we could, I thought and still think that was good for me, but I also know I probably should’ve given more space to grieving. It’s just scary when you really don’t want to. But given all I really have is space and time during this pandemic I suppose it might be time

Gracias por este video. Mi abuelita acaba de morir literalmente ayer- y fue exactamente esta la situación de no poder tener un funeral propio. Ni de ir al pequeño servicio q hubo ya que es en México y yo esto en NYC. Idk why I wrote you in spanish- but yes thank you. This is perfect timing for me. Not being able to go to a service or have a proper funeral is just heartbreaking. Especially heartbroken for my mother since she was meant to be with her RIGHT NOW except that she cancelled the trip because of COVID-19. “Nonessential travel”... or so it seemed. Thanks for the recommendations!

This year I lost my sister in law, my mother in law, my grandmother, and my aunt is currently at the hospital dying from heart failure. None of them died of Covid, by the way. This list could actually help me. I'm sick of losing people. It's getting ridicilous.

I should have known Looking For Alaska was coming in this video! The YA/coming of age genre is really set up to tackle grief and loss as it is already about loss, if not of a person but of a period of your life. There is something about the tragedy of the immature mind abruptly butting up against the mature word that can be explored endlessly. Great video and I'm really looking forward to the video on films on this subject.

I lost my mother at 11-12. I'm not sure, it's all blurry. Now, I'm 13 and feel like I lost everything in my life. I lost my mom coming to my graduation, wedding, and more. It's hard, I hated how fast I had to grow up. My dad has a girlfriend now and I'm not really to see a new women coming into my life as a "mother figure." I'm lost and I want to live again as a new person but I just don't know how. That's why I'm here.

Your open letter to your dad on his birthday was heart wrenching and cathartic and helpful

I lost my dad 7 years ago when i was 12.i didn't know how to heal then.7yrs later i'm trying to heal.and it's hard to get in touch with the feelings.i only miss him and cry each time i remember him.i really need help,

I am 25 now. I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack when I was 12. He was at home and one of my sisters found him. Then in 2017, my sister died of cancer, she was 29. I feel you on so many levels. I was the second person in my year group to lose a parent and this was within a month or two of starting high school in Australia. But books and music help a lot during this time.

My father passed away and my pet I needed this really!!

I reconnected with my aunt and got a rather close relationship a couple of years ago. She did a lot for me but unfortunately she passed away not that long afterwards. The book that I linked to that loss is A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness. The story and it's art just resonated with me so much and I don't think I ever cried so much over a book. The movie is also absolutely heartbreaking and so beautiful. For that one you need a really big box of tissues as well.

Thank you so much for always been so open about your experience with grief. I lost my mum the same year you did your dad when I was 15 and have always felt very alone in it, but your videos have always been a comfort and made me feel seen, especially as the years go on and I’m still grappling a lot with my grief when most people assume I’ve moved on. HP and Wild have also helped me a lot, as have a number of other books that I may make a video similar to this on at some point. Books definitely always helped me feel less alone in this and I love this video and everything you do related to talking about grief, thank you again!! 💗💗 x

Thank you

thank you for this video rosianna! one video of yours which has stuck with me was the one i think called forgetting from quite a few years ago now! anyway, i always really appreciated how candid you were about grief and losing ur dad on here. thank you for sharing some of it with us hope ur keeping as safe and sweet as possible

I've just started seeing a new therapist and I was talking about a romantic relationship that ended 5 years ago and still affects me every day and she said it sounded like I was grieving the loss of this friend and boyfriend and tainted memories and I've just been thinking about that a lot this week. Great video Rosianna, thanks for sharing!

So many good recommendations here - I think I'll place an order at my local bookshop for a few of the ones I haven't read. I'd also add We Are Okay by Nina LaCour, Ordinary Light by Tracy K. Smith, and Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson. I read Undead Girl Gang in December and my expectations were definitely not high enough. I think it's the funniest book about grief I've ever read, and also has some excellent female friendship and murder mystery content. (Avoid if you dislike body horror, because the undead are indeed very undead.) In some ways I feel like a sort of expert with grief, starting with my father's death in 2006, but of course that doesn't make it any easier. The last couple years have been particularly terrible, and sometimes it seems like Death in its cloak is continually picking out the next person in my circle to die. My uncle died (not of COVID-19) this past Thursday, and it feels both painfully familiar and somewhat unreal. His death wasn't sudden (he had pneumonia and the flu followed by a fungal infection), but because of the coronavirus I wasn't able to visit him in the hospital, and in terms of mourning with family my hometown (a 3.5 hour drive) might as well be Mars. Weird times.

i’m in this weird liminal space because i have a close family member in hospice and i know they will pass very soon. i came back to this video because i really needed some recommendations that i knew you would have. thank you for this!

I go back to a number of your videos. My grandfather passed away about three years ago, and it's only in the past year that I've felt some semblance of "normal" again. The process is ongoing, though, and some videos of yours that have helped me particularly are: Grief at Christmas, The Modern Cook's Year (and all of backburner, really), and Forgiveness (Can You Imagine?). Your recent discussion of books you bought at bookshops was also helpful. In general I'm just continually grateful for your words, and your honesty, so thank you for being a hand I can grasp in these (and all) trying times.

i lost my dad to suicide a couple weeks ago - i am looking for things to help me begin to adjust or understand and so this list is helpful. thank you!

Thank you for making this ❤️ a very dear friend of mine passed away about a week and a half ago (not from COVID-19). Being unable to gather with other people who are grieving this loss has made it that much more isolating and difficult to bear.

When ever I talk about why Looking For Alaska is my favorite book, and why I’ve reread it so many times, I don’t explain the whole book but a scene. The moment right before and right after pudge and the colonel find. They are joking about who must have died and then screaming and puking and crying. It rips my heart out every time.

Absolutely adored this video Rosianna. Thank you❤️

Thank you so much for the video.

Thank you so much for this!!!

Thanks again💖

This is a resource I feel I will return to often, and I thank you deeply for it. I always appreciate your videos so much but this one is so personal in that so much of what you have said speaks to my experiences and I am so grateful for that. Also, yes His Dark Materials is more special to me than I can ever say and I always love hearing you talk about it! (We were opposite each other in the two lines for the doors at the ally pally release event for The Secret Commonwealth!!)

thank you x

thank you