Thanks, my girlfriend has bpd it's allot to handle at times but that's okay because she's such an amazing person and I'm so happy have her in my life. Sometimes I have hard time reading her emotions and perceiving how she views the world so I'm watching these videos to better understand her way of thinking and continue to build a healthy relationship.she just has so much love in her heart and I'm sad so many people don't understand
Bro.. My girlfriend just got diagnosed with this condition. The last few months have been hell, with arguments that seemed so illogical to me. I’m struggling so much because I love her so much and she’s such an amazing person.
Im with y’all. My partner was has bpd as well and whenever we have arguments, while she does tend to become angry, I react with anger as well or I unintentionally raise my voice and end up pushing her away. I’m trying to get better with how I respond to her anger or how she feels. I have trouble remaining patient and not reacting to what she says, but I do love her and I just want things to be healthy and to be a better person for her.
To those in a relationship with someone who has bpd like me: As long as he/she is getting help, understands you and your boundaries, loves you unconditionally, and you do your part in the relationship as well as stay patient, everything has good outcomes. stay strong!
Tips for dating a BPD woman: don’t do it They are ruined, have been with 100 men with their self-trashing promiscuity while searching for true love Just run
The girl I'm talking to has BPD and I can tell she is going through hard times but she is truly a light in my life. I've dealt with people that have BPD but the big undeniable fact is that dating someone with BPD can be complicated but with her she takes accountability for her actions and she tries her best to handle all her emotions and I also help her vent and relax and understand her. I was with someone with BPD previously but she didn't really take accountability for her actions and that is what broke the relationship. As long as your partner cares and understands your feelings and I do the same then the relationship is solid no matter what mental disorder because it shows that your partner cares about your emotions and tries their best to understand it from a mutual point.
this is perfect. BPD is a neutral personality disorder, it's how a person deals with it that determines their character. if they don't acknowledge it or don't work on themselves, they can become a really abusive person. but if they acknowledge their disorder and work on open communication and DBT, they can be a fantastic individual.
Just wondering how its going? I thought the same about my bpd gf but boy was i wrong but now im pretty much just waiting for her to cheat on me since i promised i would never leave her unless she did. Came close yesterday when she suprised me with a shaved head and took me hours to get to the real reason behind it which was that she thinks she might be pregnant
@@stevenmanwaring8943 it is a _lot_ to deal with man, and it can be an extremely manipulative disorder, just as all cluster b personality disorders can be. hope youre doing okay. bpd relationships require relationship counseling to work, imo. hopefully youre in that, and if not, youre able to sign up for an appointment. it works wonders
@@omnimonium working on getting into counceling we'll see how it goes. def have been pushed to the limit countless times but somehow im still fighting for her. only hard cause i know its not my responsibility but i truly cant see anyone else surviving what she has put me through and those future implications for her kill me. thanks for your reply
Until finding this channel I was going to let my girlfriend go because of the constant conflict due to her disorder being in a love triangle being lied to everything that are red flags doing normal relationship have been so hard to deal with at times but because I care and I need to put up more stronger boundaries I hope this channel can help because she is the most amazing woman I have ever met in so many ways
@@fedscame what if they are? My ex was on meds. All it did was help prevent her from becoming violent. Once she stopped it she became angry, violent, and psychotic. But didn’t help her bpd. She still had all the other classic borderline symptoms. There are no medications for bpd sadly. If there is a case where someone is on medication and it is helping, then that’s great. Problem with this mental illness is, that the person needs to change their behavior. There are no magic pills for it. Then again there are not any magic pills for any mental illness.
I see a lot of hate here in the comments. "They aren't people", "Get OUT", etc. These are the kinds of toxic statements that amplify and enhance Borderline tendencies in relationship. I'm a 32 year old borderline male. There is nothing wrong with dating someone with BPD if you are patient and they are making real attempts to be self-aware and improve themselves. I dated someone with BPD as well and I will say it was a magical time in my life. But she had less awareness of the illness and had put less work into herself than I had. Had I met her further along in the process, things may have been different. BPD people have destructive tendencies but are also capable of a real and deep type of love that you won't find anywhere else. Learning to trust as a Borderline and learning to be trustworthy as someone dating a Borderline is the key to making it work. It's possible to heal the negative conditioning and reactions. It's very hard work, but worth it. The only caveat is that the Borderline person has to have at least mitigated some of the destructive behaviors to a relatively functional level in order to be in relationship. Self-awareness and reconditioning the default impulsive reactions and behaviors are absolutely essential for this. No one is perfect and some destructive behaviors are difficult to deal with, but everyone is an individual, and should be taken on an individual basis. "They are not people" is a disgusting thing to say. "Get OUT" doesn't apply to all people because of a particular mental health diagnosis. I'm currently dating a Type 2 Bipolar ADHD woman and she is one of the most emotionally mature and well-adjusted people I have ever known. People are individuals and not defined by the DSM alone.
i'm so torn at the moment. i've considered breaking up with my partner right now of one year and almost 4 months. there are times and episodes where i have to just take in all the things they dump onto me, and it's extremely draining. but i have to understand and be patient no matter how daily this is. i love them, so much i really really REALLY do. i think to myself if i'm really ready to give up the future i had in mind, to really give up kissing them, hugging them, having those high moments, and then i hesitate to end anything. i'm not sure how long i can put up with this for. but they love me, i know they do. it just feels like they keep pushing me away, like they don't love me anymore. it feels like i'm the only one putting in effort when we're together speaking, hanging out, or anything. i just don't know what to do. i'm afraid of what they'll be without me because i know i've impacted them in such a way that i know me leaving is going to have a massive negative impact on them to the point where i fear for their life. i just don't know
I have BPD and would NEVER expect another person to have any type of relationship with me. I mix with people who no one else wants as they are not fussy as long as I am available for them if and when they want.
I’ve met someone with BPD and she’s amazing. I’m struggling too though with my own deep depression that I fear could be bipolar or BPD as well. We talked about dating last night, she brought it up. She’s never been able to feel romantic or sexual attract for others, and I don’t know if that’s cause she’s had the issues with BPD, or if she’s asexual or aromantic (or both). I know someone else who had similar issues and it took a lot of therapy and tweaking the medicine she took, but she did eventually find balance and has been in some great relationships. I know i felt drawn to this woman, the moment I saw her. I get anxious trying to speak to someone but worked up the courage to approach her and say hi. We were both in the hospital actually for our issues. First day we sat together talking, while colouring until basically it was lights out. Before I left I gave her a small gift and it’s funny I had bought a card in a trip to the gift shop they had let us go on. This was before I had met her. I just loved the artwork on the card. Anyway I thanked her for the time we had spent together. We’ve kept in touch online since we both left the hospital. We both have a lot of work to do. I’m glad to have someone that saw me in their that I connected with. I feel safe sharing with her. And we both are able to talk about our time their and people we met, and the doctors in ways I don’t think I’d be able to talk to my other friends about. I hope we are in each other’s lives for a long time, even if it’s just friends. But I wouldn’t lie that I would be okay if it ever became more. Which is what drew me to this video. We haven’t talked much today, she was honest and saying she was having a tough day and was going offline as opposed to ghosting, which I appreciated so much. I know in my past I’ve been one to just ghost others and it’s not good. Anyway, I digress. I find she mirrors me in one aspect - she has never found herself to be attractive or worth anything and that’s something I’ve also had huge issues with, I’ve harboured a lot of self hatred and loathing over the years at times, never found myself attractive. It was complicated by my last relationship where I know she wasn’t sexually attracted to me but somehow we were together for 7 years. Anyway I digress.
My girlfriend is either in love with me or says she never loved me and never wanted to be with me and we should be friends. She’ll be in love for 2-3 months then the opposite for a week or two then back to the other for another 2-3 months…. Same cycle for 2 years
I do this when I feel unloved. It's unhealthy asf but we expect to be chased when we walk away. Maybe she doesn't always feel like her attention supply is full?
@@allanaolson140 you people need so much attention it’s never full. Expecting people to chase them to constantly prove their love. It’s tiring and not worth it. It’s not healthy at all. Who wants to do that for twenty years? No normal person. I walked away from my bpd ex in the end. I’m not going to be used and abused by someone who is mentally a child.
I have bpd and honestly whenever I am having an episode just being reassured is all that kinda helps.. especially not responding with anger or frustration because that only pushes me away. I'll blame myself and feel like it's best to break up considering I am only stressinf my loved one out.
Run away. Dont date someone with bpd they will destroy you in a way you didnt know was possible. Until the day they leave you and never act like they know you again, you wont experience true hell
the person that i’m interested in and that is interested in me has bpd. she’s either all over me and wanting me to love her or telling me extremely hateful things and giving me mixed signals. it’s extremely difficult to deal with, but i’m pretty sure i’m in love with her. she either says “i want you to be the person i call home” and “i love you so so so much, i want to date you” to saying so so many hateful things or ignoring me for hours until i finally get the courage to text her. i think i might be a bit scared of her because i think so highly of her and her temperament changes drastically. i’ve never said anything hateful to her, rather i reiterate that i don’t give up and that i’m staying and want to help show her that she can love herself.
Sounds exactly like my current situation. Love her, but l know l can't "fix" her. The relationship can make me feel kinda crazy and anxious too. One day she wants me like crazy. Next day I'm practically ghosted.
Are you sure it’s truly love? Or not just infatuation? Thinking you’re in love because of the love bombing, constant sex, the extreme highs, and the more than normal attention you received at times? I thought I was in love but after it’s was over I realize I wasn’t. I did very much care for her though and wanted nothing more than to help her. She presented to me what she thought I wanted and that’s what I thought I fell in love with but that isn’t truly who she is.
How do you deal with this? I've only been dating my gf for a year and a half, when we started it was like I was her idol. All of a sudden after months like this she started to hate me, I clung on with breaks and perseverance. She loved me again after 4 months. She came back for 6 and now for the last week is going back. It's hard when she's doing irrational stuff and I try stop it but then she says im stopping her from living life and we could start a new chapter in our lives and stuff. It's so hard.
i myself struggle with bpd, and so does my girlfriend. i want to both understand myself but also her. i believe her to be my soulmate, but sometimes i feel like i don’t want to be with her anymore. my brain tells me i don’t love them, but i know i do. i just want to keep our relationship to work. i want to marry them, but sometimes i feel like i hate them. it’s so confusing
A girl I really cared about had this disorder and it was not easy but what I learned from her was worth it rather I see it as a learning experience than a negative one.
My ex was bipolar and had BPD. When I left her she called the police on me saying I stole her prescription medications and tried to get me arrested. I never stole her medications. The thing that’s scary is that she put on such a good act that the police almost believed her. Then after that I blocked her and she kept calling me 60 times a day for a whole month.
I've noticed that the men involved with a BPD woman seem to idealize them to the highest degree...to the point of cognitive dissonance. These women could be treating/have treated them like absolute shit, and they're still going on about "she's the most amazing woman I've ever met", "I'll always Love her" etc. Women that have been involved with BPD men don't seem to do this nearly as often, or to the same extent. I find that interesting. To the men out there; please leave these women alone. Unless they have been in extensive therapy, you should not be in a close relationship with them. They are not what or who you think they are, and the relationship is not what you think it is...Please stop, wake tf up, and seek therapy. That is NOT love...
👏 👏 👏 the truth. Truest comment I’ve seen here. I’ve also noticed this with these relationships. The men get very hung up on these women but women dating a borderline guy can more often realized their worth and get out. I had to walk away from my borderline ex due to her rampant abuse.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost 3 years and it’s a struggle at times but it’s worth it if you put in the effort. Im always trying to research and watch videos to figure out if I can help her in any ways I’m not already.
I would think if someone chooses to stay with a partner who suffers with bpd, self care would be vital..as well as constant therapy for both involved.. everyone deserves love, but both have to be willing to stay committed for the sake of mental health and well being. I still love my bpd person, but I can't make him better, or force him into any therapy. Keep working on yourself so you don't get lost in everything..💗
Well, If he dose then he doesn't deserve you. If he can't be understanding and learn about BPD then he won't be Blessed to handle anything that will arise in the future. To my focus on the bad. But there are a lot of good tho.
@@MikeTheGreatestGamer95 well, she might not deserve him. As it seems in most cases with a borderline. They often use and abuse people. Expect the world from their partner. Most people aren’t psychiatrists capable of understanding this very serious and complicated mental illness. It’s up to the person with the disorder to get help and change their behaviors while asking for support and patience from their partner.
A girl I really like atm has BPD. We aren’t a thing yet cause our mental health is what we’re putting first. And even if we date and the relationship is an uphill battle, I’m more than willing to help and love.
As someone who was friends with a person with BPD, here's my advice. Unless they got therapy, don't. Just don't. You should not become their therapist. You should not "be patient" with them while they threaten to kill themselves over stupid things. It's never worth it, trust me. It does not mean that all people with BPD are bad, but without therapy it gets very hard to talk to them. That's my advice.
Telling someone to continue in their relationship with someone with BPD is the same as asking them to continue in an abusive relationship. If the person with BPD is unwilling to get help, then the focus needs to be on supporting the abuse victim and helping them get out of the relationship. These are usually profoundly toxic relationships.
Thank you for this!! So much of the literature on BPD is so negative and I have my own relationship things that hold me back. I wanna be there and support my amazing bf and that’s why I’m doing the work
what do i do if my girlfriend who has BPD gets easily overwhelmed when i am overly lovey with them? I have my own issues but Im stable enough now that I can help them, I just want some advice
Hello! Not sure if you are still in need of advice, but: I have BPD. Sometimes I am absolutely touched starved and happy to get affection, and others I am overwhelmed and repulsed by it completely. Unfortunately, it just is what it is. That in itself is not something that will change easily, and likely not at all. If you are someone who *needs* to have a partner that is constantly able to receive your love language, then you may just have to accept this relationship isn't fair to either of you. However: if you can be content and happy with giving her the space she needs when she needs it, that's all you need to do. When I am having an episode and someone touches me or tries to be too affectionate or kind to me, I get panicky and feel like I might die, or sometimes I shut down and feel numb. It's awful, crushing, and can easily lead to a spiral. It's important that she is able to comminucate when she is overwhelmed and exactly what overwhelms her, and for you to respect those boundaries. Again, this is a lot of emotional labor and not everyone can date a bpd sufferer and it's not a reflection of your character if you need something else in a partner. Hope you are doing alright now, whatever the situation is!
Does people with bpd different to everyone though? This woman I’m talking to says she has bpd and treats me way different than anyone else she interacts with. I feel like she’s using it as an excuse.
Hi I have BPD.. so some people who have it do seek treatment.. and don't take anything as an excuse.. for me if I tell my partner about my warning signals we love bomb the hell out of people and seek nice and we do mean it but we ourselves don't know what the hell we're doing until it's too late. Then it's followed buy shame.. then we get therapy we need and sometimes if your good about treatment you will sustain a relationship but if you don't stay on track of your treatment.. you can wind up hurting everyone. It sucks.. it's not just hell for you but hell for us too. The only difference is.. we've lived with this cycle for years. We know what's about to happen. I am just learning about my BPD and it makes me feel like a monster.. but when I say I love someone I honestly do mean it! It's just that my emotions usually always go to 100%.. and trust me it reeks havoc on my mind and body. I hate my brain. Hope this helos
Okay I want to get a really honest answer here, no bullshitting or coping. Are any of you actually in a relationship with a BPD partner where things have gotten better over the months and years? Like actual tangible change, not some subjective feeling of "we’ve been through worse before"
It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve started my relationship with my partner and in the beginning they were all types of messed up, they had self image issues, self worth issues, eating disorders, they would self harm. I’m a traditional guy and I was new to that type of stuff and at first it made me uncomfortable, but you have to learn to deal with it and support your partner. I would take them out to eat and pay for them, tell them they’re the most beautiful person ever, and have all my attention and love directed to them and now they’re a lot better. no more self harm, not as many body issues (they go in and out of that), no more drug abuse (which I forgot to mention earlier), They learned to eat everyday. It gets better but you have to sacrifice a lot. And it can be a lot for most people but with love anything is possible.
@@corel9251 things have gotten a lot better recently, coincidentally when I started to take more time for myself and my own goals. She really changed a lot since I met her, basically became a whole new person. She has actual goals now and is working towards them on a daily basis, sure there still are problems from time to time but the frequency and intensity is getting a lot better for the most part. Right now it honestly feels like BPD won’t be much of a factor in a year or two if things continue like this
Most of these people are in the naive phase, where they think they can help or some shit. I can tell you that there's nothing in the world that would make staying with a BPD person worth it. The BPD person I had the displeasure of running into still prominently shows her ring in her picture. Yet that man is long gone and likely thinks she's a nutjob. I can only imagine what he went through with her. If you're asking for yourself, run and don't look back
You are forgetting the "idealization" "devaluation" and "discard" cycle many BPD sufferers go through. And the black/bad white /good mindset which can doom a relationship quick. The only real cure for any of the Cluster B disorders is prayer. With God all things are possible. It's happened before it will happen again. God bless :)
It is if the person isn’t actively seeking help and doing what they need to do to be a healthy partner to someone else. Mental health is an explanation, not an excuse to emotionally abuse. People who are doing what they need to do to manage this issue, shouldn’t be toxic.
@@v.sancheez You are seeking help, but for those of us with partners who are refusing help it’s hell on earth. After 2 yrs of being in the roller coaster, I’m choosing me.
@@v.sancheez even with therapy you bpd folk are psychopaths with no real empathy, and WILL split one day and will ruin anyone you are dating. Maybe 10 years of therapy is a slight start, but even that isnt enough because you WILL ruin someone even with treatment. It just delays it. But at the core you dont even exist, so all the therapy in the world cannot fix you. Your personality isnt even really you
@@timweedon2785 Nailed it 100 percent...My mother was a Borderline just lets say my childhood upbringing was like walking all the time on broken glass.
I'm seeing someone with this and am really wanting to understand BPD more if anyone has any other links or videos that can assist me with understanding BPD better as she is a great person and I would like to pursue something with this person.
