Boundaries and Complex Trauma - Part 3/12 - Hooks

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Опубликовано:

6 дек 2019

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Комментарии : 59

@gardenbee1238 Год назад

That angry hook always gets me. Another hook I heard from family when I sought therapy was "why are you going to strangers for help?" I'm amazed at the amount of tactics designed to resist healthy boundaries.

@ashleyferguson9287 3 месяца назад

This was a constant in my family. And then the backlash was "This is our Normal - Don't share our business with others."

@misspeach3755 3 месяца назад

Same with my parents.

@lisajackson2288 6 месяцев назад

Its better to be single , Than to wish you were.

@user-zb3tr4cp9s 3 месяца назад

Nowadays the majority do not seek or crave for close friendships, at least out of my experience, people are too busy

@jshelley4592 4 месяца назад

When I look at all the comments, I realize that we want to be healthy.

@milliewoo337 3 месяца назад

Yes. 🥲. When I’m alone in my thoughts I lose hope sometimes. It takes being here and sharing in this together to appreciate how we’re working toward a new future

@jshelley4592 2 месяца назад

@milliewoo337 We will be ok. We are searching for a peaceful life, and I believe we will get there. The things we endured gave us the tender hearts we have. Your not alone, there are many of us that are isolated yet not.

@rudirolle2317 4 месяца назад

This is soooo awesome and amazing I truly love and appreciate how he breaks down the story in the Bible to correspond with the boundaries talk I absolutely love it … thank you soooo much ❤❤

@MrBrunoUSA 4 года назад

I will have to watch and take notes on the whole thing later but I always learn many new things from these videos

@iw9338 4 года назад

Oh my goodness, this is wonderful. I can relate to most of these. Wow the gift that has strings, keep it.

@jenniferjohnson3970 6 месяцев назад

This guy is fricking SPOT ON! Every word of it.

@Ngan.marianguyen Месяц назад

Ik thats his specialty!! He's soooo good its crazyy😮😮

@CynthiaSchoenbauer Месяц назад

As far as I am concerned he has a lot more than many others of wisdom... But some things make me mad and I take issue with them.

@yourenough3 4 года назад

😁 I look forward to these talks.

@CynthiaSchoenbauer Месяц назад

A proper teacher or parent empowers and motivates independence and doesn't keep calling you too needy. Instead they let you know that you really enjoy your independence and new, brave sense of self and that someone is there to come back to to help in that process when necessary and they can provide that. That is what is called LOVE, not pushing them off you and constantly telling you that you are lazy or too scared.

@SuperBlakes2 Год назад

This is such awesome information.

@berlinetta____2680 4 дня назад

Thanks Tim. Very helpful. It is all pretty f'd up really. My boundaries were always met with rage. In the end I gave up and went no contact (which was met with them 'going no contact with me'). Ok. I am slowly working through my shame and guilt and looking after myself. I am starting to feel indifference to all of them now, and I see that as a good thing.

@alexandrugheorghe5610 2 года назад

17:00 this is exactly what happened to me with a woman I was dating some time ago. She hooked me in and out of guilt/shame I played the role just to realize later that that relationship wasn't going anywhere and had to end it.

@mollylarkins7075 Год назад

I believe in boundaries so much I have met only a few people that don’t need boundaries. Most people don’t have self awareness.

@milliewoo337 3 месяца назад

I don’t think there are any people that don’t need boundaries?

@misspeach3755 3 месяца назад

@@milliewoo337 It's a matter of sharing the same values, then you don't need to express your boundaries because the other person has the same.

@KBArchery Месяц назад

Everyone has boundaries. This is what I will and won’t eat Boundaries at work Boundaries with friends Boundaries w parents Boundaries w our kids Boundaries w pets. Boundaries are everywhere! There is no way a person has no boundaries.

@Chris-yf2zs 5 месяцев назад

13:00 great rule of thumb. Easier to keep people at arms length and let them in gradually, then it is to let them in to soon and try to push them out to healthy place. May not feel right at first, internal dynamics.

@mancubthescrub 3 месяца назад

He predicted the fallout between my stepdad and I about 5 years in advance. Neat.

@No.1BlennyLover 4 года назад

Thanks again ! Great new video. Do you have any advice for when isolation is your go-to response? So you do know and maintain your boundaries (kinda), but in an unhealthy way that has its own problem.

@alexandrugheorghe5610 2 года назад

Build a support network. See a therapist. Have few close friends to vent to. Invaluable. We're social creatures and have an innate desire to connect. Choose whom you surround yourself with wisely. 😌🙌🏻

@gretagutensohn6728 Месяц назад

Confirmation on what ive been doing!! I must be growing!! Praise Jesus ❤

@consuelo-ev7xk Год назад

Thank you

@allme985 Год назад

Thank you 🙏

@jacquelinemcgowan8164 2 месяца назад

Fear has been my greatest enemy. My own wellbeing last. People pleasing controlling people has made me resentful.

@TheGreenTaco999 3 месяца назад

31:55 one small issue with this, those who are insecure feel that "somethings not safe with this person" when they're interacting with healthy people who respect and treat them right because it usually signals to them "this is a sham" because they're used to being treated like crap

@imbolc8024 4 месяца назад

'After all i've done for you - we've done for you...' how many times... i can't stand it anymore : putting guilty on me, yes, my father is 'under influence of games' of my mother, 'you're hurtingn your mother' and on & on... i believe (i donno?) that Tim is an expert (best of ALL experts) and maybe he speaks of experience... Bless you Tim, from Belgium, i need to realise each hook & 'this is one, do not respond what they want to hear, i may not get into the topic', yes the 'i worry so much' etc etc... djeez... 😢

@Larindarr 2 года назад

I think Tim needs to be clear that these toxic behaviours are narcissistic as well.

@alexandrugheorghe5610 2 года назад

Yep. Love bombing. Guilt tripping and even down right sociopathic behaviours.

@007lutherking Год назад

The more accurate way to describe it all is pathological..so doesn't matter if someone is narcissistic or a codependent they're all pathological manifestations of cptsd.

@h.neubert8770 3 месяца назад

Yes. However not narcissistic people can behave toxicly as well out of unawareness.

@Tenacious249 2 месяца назад

Thank you so much Tim.

@Cheshireagusta 5 месяцев назад

Unless yer avoidant and then... Yeah, we can't always tell why we are keeping people at arms length.

@tracylh 4 года назад

I love LEGO blocks!

@billbradley5296 4 месяца назад

All fun and games until stepped on😂

@Ngan.marianguyen Месяц назад

My mind always goes: set up boundaries now. But then my other side goes: just chill. I noticed now narc constantly testes my physical boundaries. I was too neglected to put em up😢😢

@crazypresci 3 месяца назад

For me silent treatment is the worst hook...

@Tpie 3 месяца назад

8:14 this is quite important

@TheAptimn Год назад

Overconcentration on gaslighting the gaslighters with no accent on proactivity

@katiemaguire9073 3 месяца назад

How does a human being hav😮e a relationship that is healthy? I feel so discouraged.

@hollyc.691 2 месяца назад

My dad would threaten to cut me off financially if i didn't ___ and I told him that if that's what he wanted and needed to do that he should do it. He never did until recently when I told him that I won't be going to his and my stepmom's house to eat unless they made GF foods since I have Celiac Disease. They don't try to see me when they are in my town, either. I don't think it's a "me" thing. 🙄🤨

@loricoe4566 2 месяца назад

Wow

@pebblebrookbooks4852 4 месяца назад

Omg "these types of ppl" in recovery 😅

@MelissaMaiga 2 месяца назад

‼️‼️‼️

@anonymousobservers 4 месяца назад

I'm trying to date a guy that's working on himself but he insists on being able to pop in at my place because he has a huge fear of being cheated on. IDK if this is healthy or not. Will this make him more unhealthy with his expectations later?