In the video Rabbi Yisroel Roll asks Rav Nota Greenblatt the following: Am I allowed to start a program called Sameach Tesamach where friends of the kallah and the chosson, over age 22, go into a side room after the chuppah and before the first dance, with chaperones and shadchanim, and talk together in a round table format about a topic raised by a rabbi, to see if someone might be appropriate for them or a friend? If they are interested then the shadchanim would facilitate the exchange of resumes in the usual way. This is NOT Speed Dating. This DOES NOT advocate sitting together at wedding meal even though this was allowed by RAV MOSHE FEINSTEIN ztz'L at his own daughter's wedding. Listen to Rav Nota's answer here.
Four minute video clip from Rabbi Yisroel Roll's 2 hour visit with Harav HaGaon Nota Greenblatt, z'l, talmid muvhak of Rav Moshe Feinstein ztz'l on April 22, 2019 at the Memphis home of Rav Nota z'l, who died in 2022. Rav Nota was a Gadol B'Yisroel, a trusted Posek, who cared for Klal Yisroel, and who traveled the world doing Gittin and Kiddushin. My wife's family grew up under the guidance of Rav Nota z'l in Memphis. He was our family Rov and Posek, besides being the Posek Hador. We learned with him and had meals with Rav Nota and lhbc'l, his Rebetzen Miriam, shetichieh.
The Shidduch Crisis hits 'crisis' levels once every three years when the Mishpacha Magazine decides to do feature on "The Lonely Wait," and the Annual Convention Circuit decides to put it on the agenda. And then three weeks later, we all go back to posting our new job on social media and sit around the Shabbos table, saying, "Isn't it horrible that our wonderful neighbor is 29 and still single...please pass the cholent."
The shadchan says, "check back with me every three months..." Really? And for three months I should sit by the phone waiting for you to call and say, "I was just thinking about you.."
The time for, "I was just thinking about you," is over. The system may have worked when there was one shadchan in a shtetl of 120 families. It does not work today.
But when we try something new and bold we get shut down because it is not "appropriate" or "tzanua" or "it is just not done that way."
Rav Nota notes that Rav Moshe Feinstein ztz'l, at his own daughter's wedding to Rav Eliyahu Moshe Shisgal, z'l, a great American trained gadol, sat single men and women together at the same table and came over a number of times during the seudah to see if the singles were comfortable. When asked if the seating arrangement was a mistake, Rav Moshe answered, it is a mitzvah, otherwise how would singles meet?" (Rav Nota's comment about chassidim is not a reference to the Chassidish community).
You may say, 'that was then, and this is now." My response: Rav Moshe's psak is good for Hilchos Geirus, Kiddushin, Kashrus, and Shabbos, and therefore it must also be valid for shidduchim. We cannot pick and choose. He is the posek we live by."
When I asked this same question to HaRav Dovid Cohen, shlita, he said: "Absolutely allowed and encouraged. I did it in my shul 30 years ago."
Anyone interested in starting Sameach Tesamach in your city, let me know at yisroelroll@gmail.com
Hashem is waiting for someone to be like Nachshon, and jump into the water, to Split the Sea.
Name not withheld.
Yisroel Roll, Baltimore
15 фев 2023
