I recently inherited a bunch of someone’s old VHS tapes - I must have been bitten by a radioactive one or something, because I swear I’m magnetized to these things - and lo and behold, I stumbled across a little bit of Cartoon Network! Only an hour, mind you, but beggars can’t be choosers.
This is most likely from sometime in 1999, so I'm reliably informed. But anyway, it starts off with some good news, as Dexter’s father finally discovers who’s got his pig. I’m just as proud as he is.
After the Cartoon Network logo fidgets around a bit, there’s a promo for the channel’s weekday line-up, featuring Freakazoid. Yeah, Freakazoid. Everyone’s favourite superhero, right? I loved him in Avengers: Endgame.
Next, an amusing promo that’s certainly a product of its time. Narrated by Tom Baker, of all people, it’s a fake advert for a series of commemorative Jabberjaw plates, clearly made to parody the incessant Time Life-style infomercials that plagued the channel during this time. It’s pieces like this that really show they cared about the channel’s presentation, even going so far as to parody their own advertising quirks. If only they still did this kind of thing. I would have loved to see Steven Universe poking fun at endless PPI adverts.
Once all the Dexter tomfoolery is over, Cow and Chicken is up next, but not before a promo for Bravo Bravo, a programming block starring none other than Little Suzie. All right, all right - it’s Johnny Bravo. Though curiously not voiced by Jeff Bennett, this concept would later make its way to the U.S. in the form of JBVO, where kids would actually call in and talk to Johnny Bravo as if he were a real person. How come I missed out on THAT while growing up?
There’s a promo for some boring grown-up sport stuff over on CNN, followed by a plug for the short-lived animated series of The Mask, starring Not Jim Carrey. Much like the animated Ace Ventura series, it’s pretty much faded away into obscurity, except for maniacal historians like myself who remember almost anything. I wish somebody would stop me.
After that is a peculiar promo for A-Z Smash Tennis, a marathon of tennis-themed episodes of all your favourite shows, of which there must be a surprising amount. Judging by the start of the promo, it seems this was preceded by some kind of live event where kids could throw around colourful balls and stuff. The channel had a few live events around this time, I believe, although the only one I ever went to was the Cartoon Network Roadshow in Cardiff. (What do ya mean, you don’t know what I’m talking about?)
A creative little ident leads into Cow and Chicken, followed by a few wacky transitions between episodes, and then there’s a promo for the channel’s morning weekend line-up, featuring The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries. It’s a mystery why they thought it fit in with The Powerpuff Girls and Dexter.
Then comes a promo for A.K.A. Not the studio responsible for Ed, Edd n Eddy, but another programming block. This was more of a late-night thing for experimental stuff like Space Ghost: Coast to Coast, which I really enjoyed as a little four-year-old, for some reason. (Must have been the joy of having nightly TV all to myself, I suppose.)
Once Cow and Chicken’s done with, we get a promo for the nightly weekend line-up, featuring the world’s greatest superheroes: Batman, Superman, and… Captain Planet. Yeah, kind of fell at the last hurdle there, didn’t they?
More dull grown-up stuff ensues, but then comes the most pretentious promo for The Flintstones ever created. Again, a rare thing when a TV channel actively mocks advertising of the day, given the advertisers are the ones coughing up all the cash to keep the cartoons afloat. All right, so it’s a bit like punching the guy who’s about to give you a million dollars, but we love them all the same for it.
But with class comes crass, as the next promo is for Dexter’s Lavatory, an odd little spin-off that very few people remember. I can’t imagine why. Also note the start time: 10:30 at night. Either the channel was actively encouraging kids to stay up way past their bedtime, or they were intelligent enough to assume adults liked this stuff as well. I enjoy both options.
Finally, after a spot of boxing with the logo, it’s time for Hong Kong Phooey, back when the channel actually showed toons from earlier decades. Nowadays, they’d probably spit in your face if you asked them to repeat Chowder.
7 сен 2024
