Channel Update | Life Update | October TBR! 

Allen, I cried through nearly this whole video. So much of what you said hit so close to home. My husband dealt with undiagnosed anxiety and adhd for most of his life, and I have watched him struggle so hard with things that “don’t matter” or seem small but would enrage him. Politics, the economy, evilness being rewarded. He was just so MAD all the time- we couldn’t go to the movies because they are so expensive and nobody cares about creativity anymore and etc. It seemed like he was apart from us and just boiling over. It’s so incredibly hard to both watch and be married to. We ended up doing exactly what you did- an online detox. Deleted Reddit, he stopped checking the news first thing, he kept his phone far away from him. It helped! He is starting to realize that he’s, the world is bad, but his wife and kids aren’t and we’re right here and love him. Thank you so much for being so open about your struggles- you are not alone! It was so hard to talk to anyone because his worries and anxiety seem so small and insignificant, but they were huge and important to HIM. Welcome back, I hope you can find your way back to fun and community instead of anger and feeling isolated. Also, yay for babies! I’m thrilled for both of you about the baby! Truly, our kids help my husband everyday. They give him a reason to want to be better. To show them that there are benefits of being a person who’s kind and tries to help others. Wishing Christina a healthy pregnancy! Thanks again- you’ve really made me feel hope and I’m gonna make my husband watch this!

I noticed that the one of the few good things to come out of things going mainstream is that once the hype dies down and most people move onto the next thing, people who were genuinely into said thing stick around and it results in community building in the fandom.

Congratulations!!!! 🎉🥰 so happy for you two, and Allen please take care of yourself first, any content that gets posted is just bonus as long as you’re feeling good and less stressed ☺️

I'm usually a very silent viewer (and patreon member too! ☺), but I needed to come here and say that I've been loving your content for a long time now and completely understand where you're coming from, especially when it comes to burn out and imposter syndrome. It is really hard to deal with that, so please make sure to do what feels best for you :) We'll be here! You and Christina are such wonderful people, I'm so happy for you both! Congratulations 🥰✨

As a D&D player back in the 1980s (starting in 1983, I think), I can attest to the fact that it was not a way to become a popular kid, but it was a great way to hang out with friends. Two videos per week is plenty -- at least, that's about as much as I find comfortable. I'm glad you're better from Covid, and it's always better to have a colonoscopy behind you than in front of you! 😁I look forward to the Wickwire Watch and the other SPFBO finalists. Congratulations to you and Christina!!!!!!!!!

Allen, your health and well being, especially in light of the coming changes, is far more important than booktube! Your videos are lovely, and you introduced me to flintlock fantasy, for which I am beyond grateful. But I would much prefer a happy and healthy Allen, Christina, and family than you causing yourself, and those you love, harm and stress to put out content. You, not the videos, are important. 🙏🙏

Okay, wait a sec--I've been in higher ed as both faculty and staff for over 20 years now, and let me assure you that having an advanced degree in something *does not at all* ensure that someone will or will not be a good teacher. Knowing something and being able to effectively teach it are VERY MUCH different things. I know this as a student, as a teacher, and as a supervisor of faculty. Trust me on this one. If you can reach the students and they learn from you, and you're being a good and respectful person with them, then you are a good teacher. If they actually enjoy your class on top of all that, then you are a GREAT teacher. And CONGRATS to you both!!

My first baby was born in March!!! He'll be turning 20 years old when yours will be born. HUGE Congrats!!

One of my greatest struggles through life is the catastrophically humbling and horrible realization that there is always someone smarter, more capable, more everything than me at anything I will ever try and anything I will ever do. But that's not the actual greatest struggle through my life; that would be having this realization and it not changing at all how I feel about the realization itself. Bill Stafford said "I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty/to know what occurs but not recognize the fact." But maybe it's to recognize the fact, and then learning that same recognition has no influence on the cruelty itself is the greatest evil. DFW made it clear that the mind is the terrible master, so I will say this: I am not a religious man what-so-ever, but as someone who is profoundly haunted by a sense of imposter syndrome, or as I've come to better understand it (honesty outwardly and inwardly; see: authenticity), I found the serenity prayer has a lot of gosh dang wisdom in it: grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Hang in there Allen. And goddamn the vipers nest that is academe and the comparisons that live in that spoiled and dying space. No fruit to be found. Trust me. And my wife. And every other honest academic we know.

Hearing you, I’ve stopped subscribing to so many book channels cause of that lack of being genuine, and pretending they are honest. But hey you are not in that group because you are genuine. Health first always ❤ Yes the globalisation of everything is hard to deal with, I’ve spent over 50 years with no one to talk to about most of the books I read I was delighted to find book tube, but then appalled by how much of it was commercial and books that are quite awful getting insane hype to a point that many smaller channels become scared to give their genuine opinions or point out the obvious. Knowing a subject and teaching are very different skills Keep your circle smaller, if your family and students and followers think you are great, flow with that

If you need to take a break, then take a break. We will still be here. Huge congratulations on the pregnancy news! Wishing you and Christina a healthy and happy baby.

Here's a hot take - chuck it. YOUR happiness. YOUR wellness. Those things are more important to us and I know I'm not alone in saying that so long as you keep your discord - you'll get to keep all your book friends. Plus, we're perfectly happy with a private video once in a blue moon. You and Christina are dear to my heart and that you are on the road to parenthood is a delight. You are both such grounded wonderful people that your child, I'm certain, will grow to be a strong and moral person. Finally, having had premature babies (one at 32wks) who are now perfectly developed intelligent adults, do the best you can and the rest you can leave in the hands of a greater power. ♥

The two hobbies I've been engaged with since I was old enough to hold myself upright nearly half a century ago are reading and tabletop gaming, and I'm dismayed at your comments regarding the popularization of what were considered to be "geek" hobbies - I think it's wonderful that so many more people have an opportunity to be welcomed into these amazing spaces! That being said, I don't really engage with the internet beyond my tiny RU-vid channel (I refuse to use any social media platforms), so I don't really know what's going on out there outside of my little bubble.

I know how you feel, for sure. We're almost exactly the same age, and I also am probably about the same degree of autistic. I wanted to start my own channel years ago, pre-pandemic--before BookTube even became a big thing--and I was just like, "What's the point?" Who wants to hear what *I* have to say, when there are all of these over-the-top, obnoxious personalities out there, and that seems to be what people want? To put up with the ever-shifting culture, I just try to think of it like I'm in a different country. If you're overseas and there's a cultural thing that's off-putting to you, you have to try to see through that, to what they're trying to express. Maybe you learn to appreciate it, and maybe it always bothers you--but either way, you just deal with it. You can't go to France and be mad that people are acting French. And, sure, it's harder when France comes to you, so to speak, but it is what it is. Anyway, congratulations! Babies are always exciting (well, not *always*, but you know what I mean).

Well this has brightened up a dreary day! Nodding along and sympathising with everything you're saying, explodes with the big reveal. Congrats to you both and I hope you both enjoy the journey. Amazing :D

(Fellow autistic/aspie here, with ADD and depression as well) - A lot of what you said resonated with me, especially with regards to not always feeling like you can keep up with the pace of... society I guess, and social media-related stuff, pressure to work/create, burn-out - but also feeling those pseudo-gatekeepy feelings, when you were castigated for being a nerd growing up, but now it's like trendy and stuff... Almost all of my aspie/AuDHD friends are burnt out too, it seems to hit us extra hard... and that physical barrier you have to go through to record... I experience it before scripting, even when I know that I have things to say and I want to say them for a video. And I don't even do RU-vid for "compensated work" (I'm on disability currently): it is entirely a hobby, something I'm meant to do because I enjoy it, and yet I feel the lash of self-imposed pressure all the time. A bit ridiculous, really, but I guess that's what happens when you don't listen (or struggle to listen) to the warning signs your body-mind sends you. So thank you for sharing your experience. And also: big congratulations on your happy news!!! :)

Congratulations for the baby!!! You’ll be an amazing dad! Hope you find the perfect balance between work, family and all the other things you find yourself wanting to do!

Whoa... did not expect to relate to this video so deeply...Good luck to you (and me as well 😅)

As a former teacher, I completely understand that incessant urge to continually work to try and improve your lessons, make your classes better, and the complete imposter syndrome I'd always feel when I'd see what other teachers were doing. As an A type personality who just couldn't learn to shut it off, I ended up switching careers to something I found easier to leave behind once the work day ended. I hope you find a good work life balance, and wishing you best of luck out there!

Allen we love you whether you post one video a year or a hundred. Take all the time you need and ignore the Internet as much as you need! So many congrats on the baby!

Way to save the big news til the very end!!! Congratulations, best of luck with the imminent chaos!! 😁 I am so, so happy for both of you ❤️ I 1000% get the feeling you're having, though. Ironically, I was into Critical Role when it first started and its what got me hooked on dnd (it didnt make it to my particular relgious podunk town) so when CR got big it felt like THAT was stolen from me, which is thie bizarre feeling of being happy for them but sad for feeling like I was no longer part of an exclusive club. I guess the problem partly comes from having an identity as an outsider, so trying to accept part of our identity being taken away when our interests become the "in" thing is rough. Even when it was a painful label to have, it was still something I had control over... I try to get past it by focusing on how little the wider world actually impacts my immediate friend group. A thing being popular doesnt destroy my enjoyment when we're around the table together. Sorry for rambling--I really do hope that as the One Piece mania dies down you're excited to be around again. Giving yourself some space was the right thing to do, I think! :)

I appreciate your honesty and transparency Allen. It takes a brave person to discuss their own anxieties and doubts. I understand the unrest with certain aspects of society and different interactions. Ive tried to focus on things I can change, positive influences and kindness i can give to others. Thank you for all the wonderful content. Take care of yourself and your family.

I thought of you a few days ago... a stranger at the grocery store was wearing the shooting stars T-shirt like you have. 😀 CONGRATULATIONS! ♥️ Philippians 1:3-6 🙏 I'm sure I'm not the only one praying for you and Christina! I'll be praying for health, peace, wisdom, provision, and guidance for you both. You are so loved by so many! ♥️

As a teacher who lives inside of imposter syndrome at school each day PLUS being on the internet I can see that being very draining.

Awww congratulations you guys! Welcome to wonderful world of parenthood. You guys will be amazing. I definitely get what you’re saying Allen. The internet can be an awful place sometimes.

Congratulations on the baby, you both will be good parents! :) Definitely exciting! :) As a fellow aspie/autistic person, I relate to what you are saying regarding fandom related stuff and not liking when things go mainstream or a bunch of people who used to dislike something/make fun of you for liking something suddenly being liking it (this was me with Star Wars; I liked the movies and the old book timeline and it was so much easier to make friends with fans before Disney bought it and caused so much strife in the fandom when they refused to continue the Legends timeline). I also relate to the comparison thing, it definitely is hard. Sorry you are dealing with that and burn out :( I think you sound like a good teacher! Definitely better than some of the college professors I've had.

Allen, as a fellow teacher who’s been doing it for quite a while (19 years, 20 this January) here’s what saved me from burnout: caring less about the job and about the kids. You said it. These kids don’t care. Once I realized that and I stopped taking things personal, I started leaving work at school. I never plan or grade at home anymore. When I get home it’s time for me and my wife. I love the time I get to read, work out, AND I actually have time to play ttrpgs online. I’ve also had time to plan my first game as a GM (which has gotten my creativity going again). I found joy in my hobbies again. The other thing that helped was limiting my time on the internet. I can’t tell you how great it felt to delete my Twitter and Instagram accounts. Now I only go on the internet to watch book tube videos, reviews of ttrpgs and actual plays. Whatever you decide to do to get back your mental health, stick with it. Don’t let up. Congratulations to you and your wife! You’re gonna be a wonderful dad.

I miss you and Jimmy man, but I understand where y’all are at. Just know, there’s people out there that appreciate y’all a lot man. Nothing but love 🤙🏻

Congratulations Allen and Christina🎉🎉 amazing news! Allen please don’t be so harsh with yourself. You are an amazing person just as you are. We will be here waiting for you no matter how long you are away.

I feel you about not doing youtube after getting home from work, i've barely done any videos the past few months after picking up more hours at the post office. I want to read and record, but working so much, I really only have the energy to do one.

Omg- a huge congratulations Allen and Christina.

I am totally with you on feeling like you're losing time. No need to read This is How You Lose the Time War, cause I am confident I already lost it. Congratulations on the baby! Super exciting. Be prepared to lose even more free time! Haha Though you get to spend it with a little human. (Kids are, I think 90% of why I lost the time war.) Definitely don't let booktube bring down your health and wellness. If the only thing you do is jump on a Chatting with Nutts, do a sprint, or just show up in comments every now and then, you will still be a super valuable part of this booky corner of the internet. I read Wickwire and it's sequel after seeing your review. Such a delightful series and author. Thanks for shining a light on it and enjoy Spider key!

First of all, massive congratulations to you and Christina. I have no doubt you will be wonderful parents.I'm so delighted for you both! Secondly; please please please don't worry about putting out content. The most important thing is to look after yourself. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time at the moment. I hope you can find the right balance of what works for you. While my circumstances were different, I've experienced emotional and mental burnout myself in the past so I totally sympathise. Just know that you are not alone, and you can get through this x

I’m sorry you’ve been struggling, Allen. The world is a better place with you in it, and I hope that you can find a process that maintains your mental health instead of disrupting it. Congratulations once again on the exciting news. This baby is already the luckiest to have such wonderful parents. ❤️❤️

I feel imposter syndrome all the time. However, I've learned that passion for something proves that you can be great at these things regardless of your degrees. I can see that you'd be an awesome DM and that's amazing. I've only ever been okay as a DM so I envy you there.

Congratulations Allen and Christina! My baby daughter is the most wonderful thing in my life, she amazes me constantly, but it is a lot of pressure. You'll need a copy of Sir Terry's Where's My Cow I think :P I have Crohn's disease, so colonoscopies are a fact of life for me. I'm grappling with the last year of a PhD that I'm fairly disillusioned with at this point. All that to say, I deeply related to a lot of your frustrations and feelings in this video. BUT, I'm also unreasonably excited to see you read the Engineer Trilogy as that got me into Parker many moons ago and I'd love another re-read. I always enjoy your videos whenever they go up, but go easy on yourself, have fun, and don't upload if it isn't :)

Glad to see you back for an update! I can definitely identify with finding a struggle to find motivation and feeling burnout, hope things turn in the right direction for you! Congratulations as well!

Big congrats to you both!

Congratulations to you both!!

Congratulations guys!! My wife and I are expecting again in January so I’m right there with you with how expensive everything is! Just wanted to say that I enjoy and appreciate every video you post Allen but just do what you need to do to get yourself right, depression/anxiety is no joke. We’ll all be here whenever you feel up to posting

Wonderful news! Congrats to you both!

Congratulations! Prayers for you both.

Allen. I’m sitting in the cafeteria trying to disassociate during my workday. But no. Here at am holding back tears. The burn out and the lack of motivation you are going through, is exactly what I’m going through. I pray things continue to get better for you. Also congratulations!!! 🎉🎉

That's a great Roland analogy Allen

It's hard to be excited about a thing you love getting bog when the very people who used to mock you for it are suddenly "into it." Living under a rock is my lifelong strategy. It's definitely not because I'm just oblivious in general or anything.

Go Allen!

Congratulations to you both, wonderful news ❤

Congratulations! 🎉 If you give your new kid half the attention you have given your old kids you're going to be a wonderful dad 😆. Enjoy your new exciting journey!

Congratulations!! 🥳

Oh my goodness! So exciting! Congratulations to you both! So happy for you both! Family and self health always comes first, we will be here when you are ready!

You are a great looking couple, and appear to have good chemistry. Congratulations on your upcoming family addition, and please, take care of yourself and your family first and foremost. We'll still be here.

Awwww…a new recruit for the library. Congrats!💚

No pressure, Allen. We'll take however many videos you give us. And if you think the idea for a particular video is stupid, then finish the edit and post it asap. Those have been some of your best!

Congrats to you and Christina! 👶

Congratulations Allen and Christina!!!! 🎉❤

Congratulations Allen and Christina! God bless and 2024 will be amazing! 😊

Amazing news! 😮 👶🏼

Congrats guys

I feel you there, I can also do anything as long as it's not work I'm supposed to be doing. Like if I could devote even half the time I devote to getting that next platinum trophy into what im actually supposed to be doing I'm certain I'd be a billionaire by now. Also big congratulations to the both of you!!

Congratulations to you both!!! I knew it from the thumbnail! 😺🎉 Do yourself a favor and drop your video schedule down to once a month right now and you will be in great shape for the new normal after baby comes. Seriously though make content because you want to and when you want to not because you have to. There is no schedule you have to follow. There is lots of flexibility in between the lines of disappearing completely and churning out content like a machine.

Omg huge congratulations to you!! So happy for both of you! 🧡

What you’re describing is what every autistic adult I talk to is feeling. I feel tired, anxious, and full of rage. I’m exhausted.

Congrats! And take all the time. ❤

I don’t know why I’m crying 😭 Congratulations!!!!❤

Oh my goodness congratulations on the expecting front!! Thanks for being so open and honest with us your loyal clan about how you’ve been feeling, and as far as reading and booktube goes, as much as you feel fulfilled and happy doing is all I would hope for!

CONGRATULATIONS ALLEN AND CHRISTINA!!!!! that's so exciting!!! 🎉

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Congratulations, so exciting! 🎉 Blessings in this new journey. ❤

Congratulations on the baby on the way! This video was cathartic to watch and almost too relatable. Hope you have a good day Allen!

congrats you two! I think I need a social media break...I've almost hit the same point as you. but it doesn't cause anger it causes sadness for me. Looking forward to any videos you put out! p.s you should think about putting up a "baby shower" amazon registry or something that viewers can help out with your first child needs. :) I think you can make the address private...but I'm not savvy with that stuff.

Congratulations!!

I’m really late but I just want to say you’re not alone in these feelings…burnout is a horrible cycle of having so much to do that you end up doing nothing. I appreciate your candidness about your frustration with the state of the world…we often feel things that are aren’t “right” but are there nonetheless and they’re important to talk about. Ahhh!!! Congratulations!!! As a new mom I’m so excited for you both 💕

I don't think I have even properly congratulated you yet on the baby announcement, so CONGRATS!! Hope Christina is doing well, the little kiddo is going to be so blessed with such lovely parents ❤ Anyway, Allen, thank you so much for being so open about your struggles. I am so sorry to hear that you are in such a dark place right now, though I hope it is at least a tiny bit of a comfort to know that you are not suffering alone. Everything you said hit way too close to home for me and it genuinely made me tear up, but I am so happy you shared all of this. I just want to send so much hugs to you right now. I know nothing I will say can really improve the situation, because your own mind is your worst enemy, but even so... I hope you know that you don't owe anyone anything and we will be here to support you no matter what. If you need a break, take a break. Do whatever makes you feel best, you deserve way better than this ☺ Hang in there, all the best!!

❤

Oh my God. CONGRATULATIONS 🎉 take care 💕🌹

Congratulations Allen and Christina!!!

Congratulations to the both of you good sir🎉👌

Fantastis news!!!!! And I for one very happy to see you back on youtube and I am hoping things continue looking up. stay strong and other motivational messages :)

Aw big congratulations to both of you!

Hooray for you two!

Just another congratulations here! Such happy news! It'll be such fun when you can start reading to your son/daughter. Sorry to hear about your struggles, and I hope you can keep getting through them.

I know this whole comment section is going to be filled with "cogratulations" and hey CONGRATULATIONS!!! Absolutely!!!! Having said that... I feel what you said at the beginning about things you love suddenly becoming popular and everyone liking them and how it can be a great thing and somehow make you feel bad or uncomfortable at the same time, I've struggled with this my whole life, and I know it isn't any consolation but it's at least good to know I'm not the only one who feels this. I hope you can find a way to reconnect with the community while taking it easy and enjoying your time together.

Congratulations to both of you! Allen, I identify with so many of the things you were saying. I feel like I’m always lesson planning or grading essays or thinking about school. I stopped even watching booktube for a while because I felt guilty for not posting on my bookstagram and not actively engaging in the community as much as I once did. (All of this on top of my own autism diagnosis). It can be so stressful to feel all of these things at once. I’m sending you both so many hugs through this season of your life!

Congratulations on expecting!!!! Definitely hear what you’re saying about burnout and imposter syndrome. I really enjoy the videos that I’ve seen of yours and the fact that you’ve messaged me back sometimes has made me feel pretty awesome and special. Definitely need to put your mental health and your family above all though. Especially at the point of burnout. Speaking from experience it’s not worth it to power through at the cost of your health. Hang in there!

Yeah what wonderful news, such a blessing. You are going to have so much fun together once they start sleeping through the night! 😀

Congratulations Christine and Allen! Take care of yourself, Allen. We understand completely.

Allen, Thank you for being willing to share what you're going through with us. I completely understand having imposter syndrome. I hate when people say I'm so smart, because I'm always thinking about all the people who are smarter than me. I have lessened my time on social media and only focus on youtube and instagram, but I haven't done a complete detox. I have very much enjoyed your videos and it's great to watch your reviews on books. You're definitely one of the channels that has inspired my reading. Congratulations on having a baby! It's going to be great.

Congratulations to you and Christina. Just remember you’re a star.

Congratulations!! That’s so amazing!! That’s gonna be one well loved kid.

If it makes you feel better, I point blank refuse to jump on the One Piece train. Or DnD. I hate things that explode in popularity, and actively avoid them. 😂 Like you, I realize that it isn’t rational… but am I going to change? Absolutely not. 😏 Also, congratulations! A baby is always wonderful news!

If you need to take a break, just do it, Allen. Your health and family should always come first. We will be here (or on discord). Congratulations to the boyh of you. ❤

Thank you for having the courage to be open with the people who follow you . Life does not always go the way we want. You and Christina seem to be strong together, I wish you congratulations for your good news. Take time to care for the 3 of you in whatever way you need. You're all important and we will still be here.

So happy for you both as always! I hope you find a more balanced routine Allen. 🎉❤

Congrats🎉🎉 Hope you find that magical balance in life!

I bet you listened to REM before they hit it big too. But in honor of Servant of the Empire, perhaps you just need refreshment and some cool fruit juice. Good parts in the book but there is a lot of repetition and too many sexy times. But congrats.

omg congrats walker!!!!

Congratulations to you both on your simultaneous overwhelming and wonderfully joyous news! I commiserate with you on your feelings about the state of the internet and fandoms and time and work and...etc. It's such a weird place to be in a but/and emotional state, "I loved this thing before it was a big thing and I acknowledge other people are now crazy about it and that's ok but the internet can make this thing morph into something I don't like and that frustrates me terribly because I know things change and there are some important things in life I would like to stay evergreen. I'm sorry for all your frustration and anger and I appreciate that you've shared your experience. Cheers to you taking the time to figure out how you can make this thing called the internet work for you while still enjoying and loving the activities and relationships that are important to you. The very best wishes for you and yours.

Congrats y'all 💖💖💖💖

THE weeekend updater is and always will be Norm, with Chevy a close second. Congratulations on the news!

Congratulations you two! Philip Of Macedon Walker shall inherit the earth! I think its very worthwhile to be honest and up front about how you've been feeling and why you've been feeling that way. Like you said, you can't control that something makes you feel upset, you can just control your reaction to it. I hope your burnout abades and you can find joy in the things you're doing once again. Remember that booktube isn't a job and that you're doing all this for the fun stuff!