There’s a level of self esteem that is required for a healthy relationship. There is only so much reassurance, accommodation and acquiescence a partner can do.
💯 Exactly. With each season we witness how ill-equipped people are for relationships/ partnerships. Let alone marriage. There needs to be an on site therapist. Or something.
I appreciate how you are critical of behaviors but in such a respectful way. It really makes me think about the things I can do differently to communicate better
I think that LIB producers should bring you on board as a consultant, especially for the reunion. You are making excellent points about their relationship and asking questions the hosts SHOULD HAVE ASKED at the reunion. I'm really enjoying this series!!!
They were too busy shining light on their alumni to drill down on the current cast's issues save for a little bit of the Jeramey/Laura/Sarah Ann triangle
Jimmy is definitely conflict avoidant. I think he also felt like Chelsea was less confrontational. He didn’t discuss any of his concerns with jess about being an instant stepfather.
Exactly. He never once mentioned that it either made him uncomfortable or was a deal breaker which it was, clearly. He avoided expressing uncertainty ... and opted for a less than genuine connection with Chaotic Chelsea!! Open your mouth, man.
I agree. He kept reiterating that his decision was made when Jess was being direct with him and basically told her that he prefers someone to coddle him. And that’s when she was like “if you want a woman like that, she will never be me…” or whatever she said.
And they talked for what.. 2 hours and 18 minutes and had to call it quits because they weren't getting anywhere!? How did this not come up in that long conversation. What were they even talking about.
I noticed that too!! It seemed that they actually don’t solve the issues- they argue and then the next day just ignore that it happened. It’s hard and long but having tough conversations about the argument after it is so important
@@taypiper4534 Right. They would sometimes touch on stuff but never in depth like “when you said this it made me feel ABC because of XYZ (context from past or something)” it would just be very surface level then they decide to move on, then later say “we had ups and downs but it made us stronger…” 🤔 are you stronger though?
I haven't seen anyone really address the fact that Chelsea is drunk when she creates conflict . It matters. She needs to stop drinking if she wants a healthy relationship! Great video ❤
Well, Love is Blind is known for pushing drinks on contestants. With less food. Its wild thst a few montgs pass and tge audiencd forgrrs the shitty backstage manipulations. I wouldn't put it past them to intentionally choose Chelsea for the show because they know she's messy when she's drunk.
Chelsea was EXHAUSTING!!! Great breakdown… I think he for sure was disappointed she didn’t look like Meagan fox. however I agree with you that there was so many other things that pushed him away.. I think he was willing to try and overlook her looks and love her for her!!! but her being her is EXHAUSTING.. So I was so happy he cut things off cuz it was a no for me
Agreed! I am late to the party, as I just finished this season. I had to fast forward through parts of Chelsea & Jimmy. Her whiny neediness was driving me crazy, so I could only imagine how Jimmy felt.
Jessica wasn’t mad that Jimmy didn’t have the same feelings. She was frustrated that he wouldn’t say how he felt period. Like he could have said “I need time to process” or “I don’t want to pursue this” or “I do like you in the same way” Literally anything.
She was mad that he didn't have the same feelings. Even if she wasn't, it's not up to you to decide how people get to respond to you. The bottom line was that he didn't want her and he communicated that to her clearly. To me she seemed pushy, entitled, and controlling. She kept talking about what she "deserved" and, much like Steph pointed out, everyone else is on the show to shoot their shot just like she is. He didn't ruin anything for her. She could have pursued another guy and was hurt (and probably not used to) the one she had chosen not choosing her back. She could have also been honest about her child from the start, but she intentionally withheld that information for the sake of securing a connection before dropping potentially dealbreaker information. I did not like Jess at all. To me her true colors came out when she told off the guy who was trying to be honest with her and made a comment about how he would regret his decision once he could see his choices. Arrogant and petty. Typically when people spend that much time and money on their outward appearance it's to avoid addressing what's going on on the inside.
A lot of people were saying Jimmy and AD were being inappropriate but I just don't understand how they saw anything other than damage control on his part and a woman, blindsided by objectifying remarks, going with the flow to deescalate and not end up looking like an "Angry Black Woman" on national TV.
I appreciate your input! It's frustrating that some people are failing to see the obvious truth. The evidence indicates that what you observed was indeed happening. I believe that some individuals have the desire to depict Black women as being angry.
I think Jimmy was trying to diffuse the situation too. It's one thing to make a private comment while drinking and sure he probably shouldn't have, but then to have it yelled at that person and a whole production made out of it in front of everyone. It looked like he was desperately trying to say he wasn't being a creep or disrespecting her as a person while she was trying to brush it off in a friendly way. It was such a bizarre situation.
They all get prepped on the possibility of getting canceled and what to do in a situation where that's a possibility. The general consensus is to address it immediately, apologize where necessary, and explain your behavior. That's what both Jimmy and Lauren did. They just didn't do it well. Lauren blamed Jeramy and Jimmy rambled on incessantly while AD tried to get him to just let it go. He may have an attraction to her, but that conversation was about his concern for looking bad of TV.
Chelsea definitely had a stronger connection with Trevor. I think she only stuck it out with Jimmy because of the love triangle she was in with Jess (who is conventionally beautiful). On a subconscious level, I think she thought that if Jimmy chose her (over Jess), she’d feel more validated - definitely a trauma response stemming from low self worth. It seemed like it was less about Jimmy being this “amazing person”, and more about coming out on top, and beating the pretty girl.
In this circumstance… I was thinking it could be the case that Chelsea was being a “pick me” girl actually- because while her relationship with Trevor was smoother, she wanted the person who was deciding between two people to pick her. And not only two people, but between herself w her low self esteem and low self-image of her looks, and a person anyone would find conventionally attractive - a situation in the real world she may not “win.”
I completely agree with you! I feel like Chelsea was being manipulative with the Megan fox comment. I also noticed how she tried to be “humble” with the “oh it’s MGK’s wife or gf??? Idk”.
You got it....she was giddy when he said Megan Fox. Her manipulations were so infuriating, and Jimmy's responses were as well. I'm a little weirded out with the whole aunt Chelsea bs. Think Jess needs to rethink possibly manipulation
Yes. This video analysis of her behaviour was spot on. She’s lying through her teeth. You’d have to believe that people on planes tell her “all the time” how she looks “just like MGK’s wife/girlfriend.” Okay girl. If she heard she looks like Megan Fox all the time, she would know Megan Fox by name. Such a blatant and bad lie.
Jess said in the Viall files interview that she told her other matches about her kid on day 1 or 2, as it came up naturally in conversation. She didn't tell Jimmy about her kid until day 3, but she states after he knew about the kid they still continued to talk up until the very end (day 10). So the editing made it look like she waited a long time to tell him, but she did in fact tell him earlier in the process. I think given that information it's possible that he really did string her along.
Well, say it to people who can see you then (I'm responding to the commenters). Don't have this man associating your voice with the visual of a bona-fide sex symbol. There's no need for that self-inflicted comparison. No one had to give any indication about how they look. He was already naturally going to compare her to Jessica, who Chelsea thought was gorgeous according to what she told her friends.
I felt she brought it up because she knew she was competing with Jessica and she’s completely insecure. Chelsea is a pick me girl and she that’s why she did that to make sure she was still in the running to win.
Chelsea exhausted me sitting in my living room. I can't image what that man felt. wow - I have such a different take on the friend thing, on the Jimmy side. I think the producers 100 percent ask him to introduce Chelsea to the girl friends. He should have said no - but I'm sure they pushed that request. So knowing that he was going to introduce Chelsea to them, and by telling her he was trying to be honest with her. And he asked to keep it off air, to keep that private.
I agree, and i like that he was so protective of his friends, it shows how much he cares and is loyal to people in his life. Although he is engaged with Chelsea and should take care of her as well, we have to remember he is just getting to know her, and its been less than a month. If he would let go of his friends for this new woman in his life so quickly it would be odd to me. Also, maybe he made a bad judgement by not anticipating that she would get so upset about this story because for him it was really nothing
Jimmy is avoidant and put his foot in his mouth at times (when he called her "clingy" my jaw dropped and then I couldn't stop laughing because...it's true, but also the last thing you should say to a clingy person). Chelsea's behavior reminded me of myself (minus the crying) when I was younger and less mature which was painful to watch. I too would go for avoidant people and basically the constant need for reassurance is a self-fulfilling prophecy because it pushes people away so then you internally confirm that you're not worthy. Avoidant people need to work on opening up and embracing the discomfort of conflict/being direct. Anxious/insecure people need to work on chilling out, taking a step back, and letting things flow (and building self esteem to be okay enough with not being a mind reader).
As a 17 year old girl new to dating your videos really encourage me to keep breaking some of the tramua responses I developed from my childhood and help me pinpoint toxictity more. U help me navigate friendships better and also check myself when I’m acting a mess so thank you ❤
I was waiting for this one. I empathize so much with Chelsea. I struggled so much with anxious attachment. It is draining for both partners. But ultimately, when you push your partner for more and more each time, it will drive them away. Only validating your worst fear.
Yes, sort of same, but I also think she's lacking self-awareness. I too have attachment issues, varying on who is in front of me (anxious-avoidant I guess) but at least I have an inkling of the real source of the problem. I think it gets dangerous without any self-awareness
@@xLiLlyx98how did you gain that self awareness? Because for me, tbh in a previous relationship it was discovering couple’s therapy content that helped me see how I could show up better on my end, although having been in multiple relationships before, I think previous partners presented as more into me in the way I’d want, so I was more secure in the relationships and didn’t need this stuff as much (although could’ve greatly benefitted from couples therapy content before my first significant relationship nonetheless).
@@onedirectionlover317 not sure if this sounds dumb but in some form, it was there since I was a teenager I guess? I was always kind of watching my own emotions from a somewhat "outsider" perspective while experiencing them at the same time and while I wasn't (and still am not sometimes) always able to pinpoint the source, I could vaguely tell what it was (envy, jealousy, anger etc.) What helps with recognizing the "source" of these feelings is letting go of shame about them, at least internally, and admitting what's actually going on. Like, no one likes to admit that maybe they're insecure because their partner is talking to an attractive person at a party, or envious because someone elses life seems more interesting or whatever, but your alone in your thoughts and no one can hear you so admit it 😂🤷 then work on it, either change what bothers you about your own life making you look jealously outward, have a conversation with your partner about how you're feeling etc. I hope this ramble-y comment helps you in any way, feel free to ask any further questions if you like 😊
@@onedirectionlover317 but yeah, the process has also been accelerated and gained direction by watching therapy content, esp. Patrick Teahan bc his stuff on childhood trauma put like 95 % of my behaviors and attitudes in my current relationship into perspective 🙈😂
@@xLiLlyx98 yes I totally agree! Without that self awareness, you are just stuck in a toxic cycle 🥺 it takes so much work but it is so worth it. You grow resilience and you learn that no matter what, you have your self to come back to.
Chelsea is a classic case of feelings manifesting her reality. No matter what Jimmy does if she doesn’t feel like it’s true, it’s not. So he can kiss her multiple times and she will say with complete conviction “you never kissed me today”. She lies so easily. Projecting her actions onto him. Like saying he makes her walk on eggshells, when that is what she is doing. And that he’s digging for problems because he saw Jess’s picture. It is MENTAL she has no self-awareness. Even after a year of therapy and watching herself doing these things she’s still in denial that she was the problem. The only way to improve is to be honest with the problem. The best way she can love herself is to be real. Sobriety and not surrounding herself with equally immature friends would help too.
Exactly. Therapy only helps if you’re honest with the therapist, as they’re only hearing your side of the story. And it sounds like she’s in deep denial about issues that are so obvious to outsiders looking in👀. It makes me so curious about what’s really happened in her past that made her appear this desperate and delusional. Jimmy never stood a chance IMHO, he can never be/do enough, yet she’ll never break it off, she’ll just cyclically punish him for not being enough to make her feel good about herself
I don’t think she’s lying, at least not deliberately - Steph’s description of “cognitive distortions” combined with perhaps a dose of exaggeration, perhaps. I don’t think I’ve ever been as extreme as Chelsea, but the Gottmans talk a lot about avoiding the words “always” and “never”, so I suspect I’m not the only one who has exaggerated something like “you never compliment me” when technically it’s “you don’t compliment me nearly as much as I’d like” (or “as much as I am inclined to compliment someone when in love”). It’s just very evident to us because we see the evidence to the contrary on camera and because it’s such an accelerated timeline.
@@onedirectionlover317 I agree, I don’t think it’s deliberately lying. But she is responsible for the cognitive distortions especially when she carries them on beyond the drunken argument, after they’ve made up. She choses to believe the distortions even when presented with the facts. The Gottmans talk about the four horseman too: criticism, contempt, stonewalling and defensiveness. I see more of those behaviors coming from her than him. I honestly want anyone to see themselves accurately so they can improve. In my life it is only when I’m radically accountable that I outgrow behaviors that aren’t serving me. I get that many people online are just dumping on her. But many are pointing out truly unhealthy behaviors and getting told to be quiet.
@@pnwladyfair enough. I guess in my mind there’s a difference in how I’d view and react to someone who “lies easily” and someone who’s cognitively distorting. The former is more malicious and evil, in my eyes, while the latter, while hella frustrating, would not make me view them as negatively. Agree with all your stuff about the Gottmans. And I wish Chelsea could’ve seen couples therapist reacts to, say, Nick and Danielle before coming on this show and then read the Gottman’s stuff, because while I’d like to think I show up better than Chelsea even in my states of emotional reactivity (if for no other reason than because I will respond well to factual evidence and try to ground things in logic and hate hypocrisy), I can definitely resonate with emotional reactivity broadly, more so than the comments section for sure, overall desire for reassurance (and definitely imagine needing to bid more for reassurance from a Jimmy than a Brett or even a Nick), I don’t think I’d have the awareness or knowledge to improve without having stumbled upon couples therapist content, so I do scoff at all the comments section commenters who are not only dumping on her but act like it’s as obvious as 2+2. Chances are they could stand to learn a thing or 100 from couples therapy content themselves about how to be loving people and partners, but stoicism and coldness and distance are more rewarded in American culture, I find, and surface level pleasantry, so the quieter presentations of dysfunction are more palatable to the public eye (and the illusion of strength through cruelty, harshness, and dismissiveness). That being said, rightfully pointing out problematic behavior shouldn’t be shut down, and I don’t think it is in the comments sections of videos like this (and frankly even Chelsea’s IG posts had more haters than supporters tbh so idk where people are getting shut down, and she doesn’t seem to be filtering the way Zanab was, for which I respect the poor woman). But I do agree that it is fair to point out what she did wrong.
Seeing patterns that Chelsea displayed in myself and relationship was scary. I didn’t know how to approach this and it corroborates how much I need to see a therapist to work through my attachment issues. Thank you so much for this ❤️
This is the only video i agree on about the analysis of their relationship. You expressed accountability on both sides instead of just making one person wrong. Thank you for providing the much needed insight into this relationship. I totally agree with everything you've said and I hate that most people just hate Chelsea.
Nah. People don't "just" hate her. She's emotionally abusive and it triggers people who have been through that kind of abuse. Hope she gets therapy and stays TF away from other people until she does.
I struggled big time with Chelsea and Jimmy, and yet I think the hate Chelsea got was disproportionate due to her Megan Fox comment. I also got the feeling her clingy and insecure behavior was made worse by Jimmy’s behavior. He made all sorts of comments about other women (AD, Jess) and has a very tight relationship with a woman he slept with. Those would make a lot of people feel insecure and that combined with Chelsea’s preexisting issues made for a perfect storm.
Most of what I see is people identifying her unhealthy behaviors. You don’t get to treat your partner like that and blame them for your behavior. She’s 30, not 13.
People can see why a person is the way they are while also acknowledging that it's not right to act that way. Two things can be true at the same time. @@pnwlady
Chelsea started that comment about AD. She egged it on in an after to embarrass AD and when he went to apologize she got in her feelings. But this all started from a whisper he told her in confidence. She literally tried to embarrass him as well.
Thank you for sharing your perspective about Chelsea “exposing” Jimmys past relations with his friend. Initially I saw it differently but I can see how he put her in a difficult situation to handle that news on her own especially knowing how uncomfortable she already felt about it
Agreed, initially I was fustrated with her reaction but with her past, i understand if she just directly communicated her core problem, it absolutely would've been weird for Jimmy to go as hard as he did with his friend. It does put that part in perspective.
I don’t think asking her to not bring up his sexual history with his friend regardless if they previously met or not is that tall of an order. I imagine a lot of the couples had issues they’d rather handle privately and agreed to handle it privately away from the cameras. The only difference is that Chelsea agreed and then went back on it. I’d still put some responsibility on Chelsea for this.
@@Tcab96idk how much time they get off camera, and while I haven’t watched the entire scene unfold yet, if she started getting emotional during this conversation then I also can’t blame her for not wanting to look crazy and insecure and look like she just had a problem with Jimmy having female friends in general. Given how hard the internet is already being on her, they’d have been even harder on her imo if she got emotional but kept quiet about the “he’d been intimate in the past with this friend he texts all day” bit. At the very least, I think Jimmy should recognize she’s in between a rock and a hard place with regards to balancing HIS friend’s reputation with her own, and I think he should’ve also at least been more understanding of the effects on his fiancée’s reputation.
@@onedirectionlover317 I can blame her for that. If she didn’t want to look crazy, then she should’ve brought up this issue off camera. No one would’ve looked unfavorably on Chelsea if she hadn’t brought it up on camera because we wouldn’t even know it was an issue for her. If Chelsea is too emotional and just blurts out whatever she wants, then that’s probably a personal issue she needs to work on. Chelsea is an adult with agency. Not a five year old.
As soon as they were on the beach together I knew Chelsea was going to be abusive. She stated she was insecure about being in a bikini. Then she asked Jimmy what his "type" is only as a way to say that her type is big and muscular. As in not him. She felt insecure about her looks and to alleviate that distress she chose to tear down her partner and make him insecure with her. It was her same pattern of asking a question she's not interested in the answer to in order to say what she wants to say, just like the celebrity look-alike question. Bad communication and rude behavior.
Nailed it. Really was fascinating to see, because I don't think it was a calculated choice, it's just incredible how she manifests her emotions into reality without even thinking about it.
You hit every nail on the head!! Chelsea was the most frustrating person this season. I hope her therapy has shaped her into a stronger person. I’m still waiting for your Jeramey and Sarah Ann vid! Please especially include clips from the reunion to show how Jeramey never wants to fess up about anything and is overly defensive, so he’s clearly not going to be able to handle relationship conflict at all.
I always wondered why my relationships in the past didn't work even though I was trying so hard. I took about 3 years off dating and focused on myself, which built a ton of self-love and self-esteem. Going into future relationships, it felt so much EASIER. I didn't rely on external validation as much and there wasn't the constant seeking of that from my partner. It also gave me the confidence to leave when that validation was never felt naturally and with words. I love this video!! I think these things are so common.
So many of us women can see ourselves in Chelsea with how she views herself. Believing we are not capable of being loved sits DEEP. I don’t think she’s horrid or clingy, she’s hurt and in need of healing. Also, if love is blind is filmed over say 6 weeks of them dating and getting to know each other I think it would work out easier. Falling in love after 4 days of talking is VERY rare
Of course not! Maybe you’re that superficial (projecting). It got impossible to him for the reasons that the video explains… and it seems you didn’t watch…
He tried so hard. Just because he was disappointed she didn’t look like MF doesn’t mean he wasn’t into her. There’s no way he faked everything just to not “get a villain edit”.
i also think it's important to note that after their big fight Chelsea said she felt more in love with him. I feel like for her, fighting with her partner and the partner deciding to stay with her validates how strong her relationship is with them. How much they are willing to fight for her convinces her that they do in fact love her, so she actually starts these fights because she wants them to express that to her, chase her, rather than just being in a healthy relationship.
As a psych major I absolutely love every single one of your breakdowns. You often times pick up on subtle things that people don’t usually pay attention to. Absolutely love love your channel! ♥️♥️♥️
I have never been so exhausted like I was watching Chelsea. I told my husband "that wasn't even entertaining, I feel like I need a nap and a therapy session after this" after every episode 😭
Chelsea is so frustratingly insecure. I'm not convinced Jimmy is a great guy but he tried. He tried to reassure her but the man couldn't breathe without her getting upset that he wasn't paying attention to her. I think it was great that he drew the line where is friends are concerned. Friends are important to him and he wasn't willing to give them up. Good for him! And ultimately, I think he made the right decision to not pursue a relationship with her. Do I think Jessica would have been any better had he gone with her? No. She's the type that would chase her girlfriend's man. As for the Megan Fox thing...her eyes sort of are shaped like Fox's...sort of.
I disagree about Jessica, she seems very concerned with what people think of her and having a daughter I would bet she wouldn't move like that. Feel like that narrative was created because of her appearance, I don't recall her ever showing any signs of being that type of person
Listen, I know this is edited, but even going off of his interview this man was not into her. I agree with what’s in the video about seeing evidence that this person is insecure and moving on but first of all contractual obligations if she actually wanted to appear on the show And the fact that it may have been his avoidance, but at the end of the day he was still telling her something that was not true about how he was feeling and what he was questioning, which even if it’s not intentional gaslighting, can low-key make someone feel insane. Here this video is like look for evidence And sure a lot of the time Chelsea’s insecurity played into that and made things what they weren’t but also? He was openly willing to laugh with the producers about how she lied about her luxe, and that he thought that at the moment and didn’t fucking communicate that. That’s too much bro they’re both too much.
Chelsea said that Netflix didn't show what really happened to cause those fights. Jimmy was lying to her about other things like when he left the apartment to go be alone. He actually pocket-dialed her and she heard the female friends voice. So she did have valid reasons to be concerned, Netflix just made it look like she's crazy 😂
Jessica had her insecurities too, don't forget how she was asking about who he followed on Instagram and how her man must only have eyes for her. Imagine if he had made the AD comment to her, I think she would have taken it horribly as well, depending on how secure she was feeling in their relationship.
great breakdown as always. and though I agree that Chelsea was very much insecure and was projecting so many things onto Jimmy, I still that he actually also didn't loved her. I think he wanted to end things ever since he saw her honestly. when he would tell her I love you or whatever, it didn't feel genuine to me idk. i think as you said he was trying to avoid conflict and was distancing himself from her (emotionally) until she would get the message and end things herself, which also has fed into her insecurities more. idk but that's how I saw it.
Chelsea calling Jimmy out on the "stacked" comment and stuff to his girlfriends felt like she was trying to get other people to fight her battles for her. Like she was looking for other people to say "that's messed up man" because she was too insecure in the relationship to just say "I don't like it when you comment on other women's bodies in front of me."
I was a lot like Chelsea and I’m also in a relationship. I’ve been doing pretty well at not being like that for quite some time now. My needs were not met as a child so I’ve unfortunately got the habit of second guessing & not trusting everything, including myself and people who know me very well. I also unfortunately had my boyfriend exhausted from constantly reassuring me, he straight up told me that it was no longer an issue from his end but from mine. He was right. Took some time to not be like this but it’s definitely not impossible to do better, it broke my heart seeing him so miserable especially when I did it. We’re about to hit our 3rd anniversary on March 22nd 🥰💗 communication goes a long way
I’m glad your relationship improved! I can relate to Chelsea too, and especially with her past cheating trauma, I can see why she’d need more reassurance than I would’ve in those situations. The accelerated timeline of the show doesn’t help either! You two had months to improve and also presumably to build the foundation and reassurance of love and his interest in you, while Chelsea doesn’t have that, and I think personally Nick showed up with more certainty towards Danielle than Jimmy did towards Chelsea (which is fine, Jimmy didn’t do anything wrong there, but that’s not a great setup imo for a one month to marriage timeline! So I found it understandable to see Chelsea’s reactions, even though she definitely needed a couples therapist to help her navigate that cuz tbh I didn’t learn a lot of this stuff until I started watching Psychology in Seattle about season 2 and Nick and Danielle).
I also have some of Chelsea's behavior and mental health issues and I have been lucky enough to be with a partner who has stuck with me while I've been in therapy working through it. So hard to see all the judgment of Chelsea online. I get why Jimmy left but I also see what he did that was inconsiderate that fueled Chelsea's already insecure nature. I also don't like how we aren't talking enough about how Chelsea got the way she is. Bullying and infidelity can definitely do a number on us! Anyway I am so happy that you and your partner are still together going strong for 3 years. We got this!!!!!!
Me too my friend. I met my now fiance when I was 17 and I was awful to him. I had so much jealousy, anger, and self esteem issues I did not even attempt to control. Luckily he is such a loving person we grew together and did therapy (individual and couples). We are celebrating 9 years this summer. 🫶🏼
Thank you so much for pointing out how much pressure it is for a partner when you constantly want reassurance. I think this is a pattern in a lot of my relationships. I often need my partners constant reassurance because deep down I feel like I’m a lot to handle.
Absolutely nailed this one AGAIN. I always eat these vids up! ❤️❤️❤️ these videos are making us all so self aware of any potential missteps we may be making in our own relationships.
It’s interesting because I had a lot of CBT in my teens and because I had anxiety these sessions would usually be me stating an issue I was experiencing and the therapists giving me the “toolbox” to lessen the associated anxiety’s disruption in my life. The message I took from it was if you’re anxious you have to find out why you made yourself feel anxious and shut it down. I felt let down by CBT later when I had an avoidant long term partner showing and telling me all the right things, but I wrote off my intuition as anxiety and was blindsided when the whole mess came out. Hearing you explain CBT as a way to better hear your intuition through the noise is something new and it makes me kind of hopeful that all isn’t for naught. Thank you.
I watched the video but what was your takeaway from this about using CBT to get a stronger grip on intuition? Or how would you approach it in the future? For me I’ve heard that intuition is what you feel when you’re calm and grounded and your mind isn’t in a rush while anxiety is what you think when you’re in an agitated state and your mind is in a rush. Not sure your thoughts.
The way you take this show and break it down … GODS WORK! Chelsea had a lot of content on low self esteem and insecurity in a relationship. I’m glad you are bringing words to what everyone experienced watching the show.
This was probably one of my favorite videos you've ever done. I feel like I've learned so much. I recently learned about asking for validation too much and now I just focus on the evidence of my partner's love if I'm feeling insecure. Thanks for showing us what these patterns look like and how to correct them :)
I laughed at the beginning of the video on how exhausted you felt about this couple, I felt the same haha! I really enjoyed this video and really getting to understanding Chelsea. Thank you for making this videos
My insecurities have been like Chelsea’s so i understand her a lot. I have been seeing my behavioral therapist for 3 years now and my progress makes me feel so blessed, I feel like life is livable now. I hope chelsea gets better just never give up❤
thank you! I've watched a few other videos and was surprised that I didn't feel the same as others, but you voiced so many of my thoughts and feelings on their relationship! And, as always, you offered really helpful language and tips to better understand what so many of us are watching
24:45 disagree with this. He was gushing. It’s not just what he said, but how. Especially for a relationship so new. It’s not as though their relationship has stood the test of time. It began as a love triangle, decided at the last minute. He has already passively aggressively stated his lack of attraction for her. In THIS situation it has very little to do with Chelsea being “confident enough”. Women do themselves no favors by playing it cool. No woman has to pretend she’s ok with that cause most men will let you know plainly, that they’re not. In the Caribbean we would say, “nuh everything good fi eat, good fi talk”. Not everything you think you must blurt out like a four year old. It’s the SECOND time he’s mentioned another woman and her looks in only 24 hours. The relationship is so new, he should be so engrossed by her. Literally no other man behaved that way that night. Especially not for the only couple that ended up getting married. THAT is also missing from these “not a big deal” takes. Why would Chelsea be confident in their relationship? It’s brand new. 🤷🏾♀️
Thank you! Thank you! If we think about the strongest couples (Cameron and Lauren, Tiffany and Brett, etc. heck even Nick and Danielle and Zach and Bliss) those men showed up very differently towards their partners than Jimmy did towards Chelsea (once they were with them - ik Zach chose Irina at first, and tbf Bliss was definitely more secure despite being a second choice, but once Zach went for Bliss he gave off “all in” energy). Which is not to say Jimmy has to show up inauthentically if that’s not how he feels, but that’s not a recipe for confidence in a relationship, especially one so young. And Chelsea had been cheated on multiple times, so I can’t blame her for being on high alert with anyone showing less enthusiasm than these men, especially on such an accelerated timeline. Their relationship could’ve benefitted from slower dating with much lower stakes and time to build attraction and reassurance and confidence in the relationship, because I think it’s fine that Jimmy wasn’t all in after 10 days but I would never say he came in with devoted fiancé energy.
I think this gets undercut because of Chelsea herself. Sure it’s a new relationship but her insecurities started the experiment off on a wrong foot from the get go with her talking about her looks
This video was so helpful, informative, and entertaining🙌🏾🙌🏾 It's nice to hear out loud how certain insecurities can look in a relationship and know what to look for and how to avoid doing them yourself.
I understand Chelsie because I use to be (and in some ways still am) like this but I’m SO thankful for therapy and how much it’s helped me grow so that I can be the best version of myself for my future partner 💗
I genuinely look forward to your LIB reviews and always find myself walking away with feeling more informed about human interactions and relationships. Thank you for all that you do, Steph ❤
No. She told Jimmy yes because she knew he was also into someone who she felt was prettier than her. She wanted to beat the pretty girl. It was a boost to her very very low sense of security.
I had very similar experiences in my last relationship that are exactly like Chelsea and Jimmy and it ended up with me being a horrible person. After seeing audience feedback and therapist feedback on her behavior, it gives me a lot of assurance that I really am not a horrible person. It really effed me up, I feel extremely uncomfortable being in a relationship and prefer having platonic friendships over romantic relationships. I hope Jimmy is okay after all of this. It’s crazy to see his face expressions because I made those exact face expressions and I’m glad he broke it off. I no longer was able to have friends and I was losing a lot of sleep over the relationship. I was always accused of not being a caring boyfriend, but would be accused of suffocating her. It was really exhausting and I’m glad he broke off the wedding. I’m genuinely happy for him.
Great video as always! Was very anxious to hear your thoughts on these two. Also I clicked away from the video after your parting thoughts but then rushed back because I remember how much it helps to watch to the end!!! Thanks for your insightful and entertaining videos!
Oh my goodness!! I'm so grateful for these videos! They help me process the CIRCUS called Love is Blind. After this season, I'm probably ogoing to watch your analysis first and then the episodes - even if you include spoilers! LOL!! Blessings.
Everybody is quick to criticize Chelsea's insecurities, which is valid, but i think a lot of people are overlooking how Jimmy's behavior makes it pretty obvious that he honestly didn't really like Chelsea. Which would make anyone insecure, and no matter how much you reassure that person with your words, actions speak louder.
I genuinely got so much out of this video I'm going to get back to using my cbt journal. It has a section where you evaluate which cognitive distortions you are experiencing and I hadnt realized that I experience all or nothing thinking fairly often!! Thank you! Really working on being a better wife and mother! Its hard!!
I have BPD and I can understand Chelsea. Not saying she had BPD but I do struggle with anxious attachment issues like she does. I do that with everyone, not just partners. It’s an exhausting feeling to deal with internally and watching her struggle with it shows me how annoying it is for the other person. I empathize with both her and Jimmy. This was a tumultuous relationship from the start in my opinion.
Let’s not pretend or negate the fact that jimmy while “reassuring” her, would then turn around and literally give her reasons to have those insecurities reinforced. Why did he feel the need to constantly talk about Jessica? He was IMMEDIATELY turned off by Chelsea and rarely gave her compliments unless flat out asking for them, yet had no problem doing so to AD and Jessica. Yes Chelsea has a lot of insecurities and things to work on. But jimmy constantly was giving those insecurities fuel
I would put money on Jimmy telling Chelsea about the hookup with the friend off camera because yes he wanted to introduce her to the "best friend" to ease her mind BUT that friend has a bf/husband that doesn't know about the hookup! That's why it was so hush hush and he felt so betrayed by Chelsea saying it on camera. Cause seriously what's the big deal? That was probably one of the conditions for the friend to be on camera.
@@davionguthrie5567 and I really believe he told Chelsea exactly why he didn't want her to but she was mad at him in the moment and decided to do it anyway.
Oh of course. Can’t believe I didn’t think about that. I was wondering why he was being so secretive about it. One thing, when did he tell Chelsea about their sleeping together, before or after meeting, also if both the friend and jimmy agree to be on camera they have to know on some level that it will come out, so then don’t go on camera. Period. Why risk it if she’s got an s.o now ? Also his priority’s aren’t where should be and Chelsea - who already has insecurity issues - has internal alarm bells ringing. Where she went wrong was her reactions to them. Lose the baby voice and the you hurt me stuff and say outright, we need to talk out a couple of things. Also alcohol is not her friend. However her reactions overshadowed a lot of jimmys bs behaviour to her to feed those insecurities
Chelsea was so wrong for that and it was crazy that no one had the guts to call her out on it during the reunion. People validating her actions and saying her feelings are valid was wild af. I hope Jimmy and his friend are able to work through it and maintain their friendship.
I think Jimmy is good at what he does to make Chelsea appear a certain way, which is crazy and insecure. Because I think Jimmy left out the valuable information before Chelsea met the friend because he felt bad about Chelsea making the comment that she was use to her ex’s having close girlfriends, and screwing them behind her back. He plays the game of ‘’I dont want to be the bad guy’’ so well. Then he got upset because she brought it up on camera, but she probably felt disrespected and hurt by finding out after the fact….which is probably why she was drinking in the first place. I guarantee Chelsea brought it up on camera to show the audience that she isn’t crazy because Jimmy was willing to allow his fiancé to look crazy by holding his secret close to his chest. He doesn’t care what she has to say or how she feels, and she exposed his secret in an attempt for him to give her something, some type of emotion or maybe even affection, seeing as though she was hurt. She probably wouldn’t have put herself in the position to meet the friend in the first place if she had known they screwed. Then for Jimmy to go so hard to protect his friends reputation and not care as much to try to understand why his fiancé would feel hurt and disrespected, is insane. Then he turned around and broke off the engagement because he felt betrayed that she brought it up on camera, and not about the fact that he probably told his fiancé after the fact….which made her feel disrespected and insecure about the whole ‘’friendship.’’ This is a woman that he screwed that I’m sure when he and Chelsea has issues, he will be telling his tea to….its weird in my opinion. And their situation is indeed toxic. There is no doubt in your mind that Jimmy and his friend would’ve continued to screw each other, no matter who is in the picture. Jimmy was afraid that Chelsea would probably get close with his friends and they would tell her before he did, in another attempt to avoid looking like ‘’the bad guy.’’
Great insight on Trevor! This just reiterates the importance of having a therapist and/or good friends to talk about things when you're in a relationship to help you see the blindspots. I saw one content creator say about Chelsea and Jimmy, that Chelsea was reacting to her intuition that Jimmy didn't want her. I think that could be true, but not because he was thinking about Jessica. Chelsea could have been making him have second thoughts with her constant need for validation and inability to have a disagreement without blowing up. Having to constant prove yourself and walking on eggshells is exhausting.
Perhaps, but I can identify with Chelsea more than Jimmy (while I think many commenters are on the Jimmy end of the spectrum) and I'll say that Jimmy did NOT show up with Cameron, Brett, or even Nick energy, and I would've been questioning his interest in me too if I were Chelsea. Not that Chelsea wasn't insecure, but I do think that many commenters and even Steph are ignoring or missing the fact that Jimmy hardly showed up with the energy of the more devoted, loving men on this show (both who have and haven't worked out, but who I was rooting for).
Damn I completely missed ALL of Chelsea’s behaviors… this opened my eyes to an entirely different perspective and made me self reflect… love love your videos
I definitely see myself in Chelsea’s need for reassurance, and it’s something I’ve been working on for a long time. It is hard to parse out which voice is your intuition and which voice is irrational anxiety. It helps that I’m also a conflict avoidant, so I don’t like to start arguments. 😅 It’s a rough place to be, and my heart REALLY went out to Jimmy during this season.
Jimmy and Chelsea chose the wrong partners, full-stop. I can totally understand not wanting to be an overnight dad, that’s fair. But his connection with Jessica was healthier and they seemed more compatible. Plus, I think Trevor would’ve been a much better fit for Chelsea. It was maddening watching Jimmy and Chelsea.
I think Jessica and Jimmy would have been a better fix. Not too sure about Trevor and Chelsea though after hearing Trevor already had a gf and was planning on never going to the alter if he coupled up with anyone on the show.
@brittanyparker-vaughan2881 There are quite a few RU-vid videos about it if you are interested. I only heard about it recently apparently the ex gf (she knew about him coming on the show and was fine with it but was unhappy because he ghosted her when the show was aired) exposed him with receipts.
Anxious attachment.. it took me a lot to heal mine but feel so much better to feel safe. However, anxious attachment will stick out everytime once you date avoidants again..
This! Your point about words not matching actions...is the key! Some people don't say a lot of I love yous or are bot used to verbalize feelings. But if you feel loved by them, if they do a lot of things to make you happy, then who cares? It does not work the same the other way around! If they say I love you a lot but you feel like they don't, then its probably true and tou shiuld know a lit of people say fhings they dont really feel. Im glad she was so dramatic because it accelerated the break up, he would have strung her along for years.
Thank you for speaking out about Jimmy's behavior regarding his friend. I have been amazed by how few people acknowledge that, regardless of Chelsea's flaws, Jimmy put Chelsea in a terrible position because he maintains a close relationship with someone he slept with, and he so fiercely defended that friend. Jimmy needs to learn that he will likely never have a meaningful, long-term relationship with a woman if he prioritizes his reputation and friendship with someone he slept with before. I think Chelsea and Jimmy were sadly doomed from the get-go.
After hearing the way you depicted Chelsea's erratic behaviour I did an attachment style and my last relationship has moved me from a secure attachment to fearful avoidant. i love learning more about myself from these videos.Please keep them coming !!
