Cinematic Excrement: Episode 124 - The Postman 

FYI: Richard Starkey is Ringo Starr's real name!

I gotta admit, Tom Petty playing himself was a neat idea and made me laugh.

Bad mumps is when a boy gets mumps during the adolecence, causing testicular inflamation resulting in infertility. My uncle had it. That's why when the vaccine was created, boys were prioritised. Just like with rubella, girls were prioritised. Getting rubella during pregnancy causes birth defect so mother having immunity is vital. My brother-in-law is blind because Rubella. I'm 40, these diseases aren't as far in the past as people think. Effective Mumps vaccine became properly available during the 1960's. Costner was born in 1955. It probably never occured to him that people wouldn't know mumps causes infertility.

Tom Petty is in this movie because he wanted to appear in an post-apocalypse themed movie after making the post-apocalypse themed music video for "You Got Lucky" in 1982. It took 15 years but he got his wish.

The novel it was based on was much better. Better sci-fi elements, better world-building, and a main character who was humble rather than heroic. Oh, and it had better roles for women in the plot.

In Costner's defence, Dances with Wolves may have gone overbudget, but not at an outrageous cost like Heaven's Gate or Waterworld. It was greenlit at $15 million dollars and Costner brought it in for $22 million. So it was still a fairly inexpensive production.

The book the film is based on is actually good, carries the same message, and doesn’t have Costner droning on in it. Go read that instead.

So this movie is basically Anti-Waterworld. Literally.

I remember one episode of family Guy Chris made this one quote that really got me.... "How does Kevin Costner keep getting work?"

Richard Starkey is Ringo Star's real name.

I remember correctly that they poked fun at this movie in The Simpsons, where Lisa said the movie sucked but, Costner tried so hard, yet Costner, in the "commentary" apologized and didn't know what he was thinking. Lol!

Next is An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, which stars Eric Idle, Coolio, and, gags, Harvey Weinstein.

This movie was such a chore to watch. And that pregnancy that just refuses to end? I pictured the kid going to high school straight from the uterus.

My dad watched this in college, and he says that this was the first book adaptation he ever hated.

Actually, Waterworld was called Kevin's Gate, not Dances With Wolves.

For native Americans Dances With Wolves was also post apocalyptic.

I remember that Simpsons episode when Lisa Simpson was in the mall and she saw that cut out picture of Kevin Costner and she was like oh Kevin Costner he tries so hard. And then Kevin Costner stepped out from behind a TV and was like thank you. And I don't know what I was thinking a guy walking around with a bag of mail .📪📪📪📭📭📭

You know... I'm German, and going from Costner's regular voice actor, I always expected him to have a little more... charisma. But then again... the same goes for Bruce Willis.

2:17 - I know Sean's doing an imitation of Kevin Costner's wooden acting, but he unintentionally sounds like *most* other RU-vid movie reviewers with that voice. THANK YOU, Sean Moore, for being colorful and animated on a platform that has long since gone to the zzzzzzzzzz's.

Honestly it's hard to tell if this film really deserved the award for Worst Picture, considering its fellow nominees were: Anaconda Batman & Robin Fire Down Below and last, and possibly least depending on your opinion Speed 2: Cruise Control

Dude, Richard Starky is the real name of Ringo Starr of the Beatles!! That would be AWESOME if he were president!!

What's crazy is the plot thread of having Costner impregnate another woman makes another appearance in "Waterworld".

The Postman is an amazing movie and will always be a classic.

This is actually Costner's third post apocalyptic movie. He also appeared in the 1983 movie Testament that's about life in a small town after a nuclear war.

Once again, this proves we are living in both the worst and the stupidest timeline.

For how bad this movie was I loved the game adaption, Fallout: New Vegas.

In David Brin's novel of the same title which is the basis for this movie, the title character does have a name: Gordon Krantz.

3:51 At least in the movie The Bodyguard, Kevin Costner wasn't just called the bodyguard, his character's name was Frank Farmer.

I went back and rewatched Dances With Wolves recently (as I really enjoyed it when it came out), and it really struck me, like a punch in the face, how _terrible_ his acting was. He just got a lot of really good actors around him.

It's 10 pm here in Finland. I should get some sleep. Oh, what the heck. Bring it on, Sean!

When I heard the name: "Postman" and heard it was post-apocalyptic I thought it was movie about post man who delivers letters in a destroyed world. Think of Death Stranding in a movie form. I didnt expect the boring, wish-fullfilment-fantasy, masturbation in front of the star flag that the movie actually was.

Wait, the oceans completely dried up and there is almost no impact on the climate ? Where did all that water go? How do they even have rain or drinking water? ????

apparently, Richard Starkey is Ringo Star's real name!

"Someone owes Kevin Costner an apology!" No, we don't...

In ten years you'll be addressing the "prophetic" nature of Waterworld

I was in this movie as an extra. It was quite the experience getting to meet Costner and Patton. We knew something was up when we were shooting a scene that involved all of the extras and took half the day to set up....and someone asked, “where are the cameras?” As for the scene with the Sound of Music, that was the funnest night of shooting even though I was freezing my ass off.

It still angers me that Goodfellas didn't win any of the big Oscars apart from Best Supporting Actor for Joe Pesci and Dances With Wolves got all the praise. Kevin can make good films, he just gets WAY too ambitious with them. I also like his acting, wooden as it may be.

The Postman came out on Christmas Day 1997 and was DESTROYED by critics (Rotten Tomatoes score - 8%) and audiences (made $20 million against its $80 million budget) for its pretentiousness and being overly long. It was nominated for, and “won”, 5 Razzies for: • Worst Picture - The Postman • Worst Director - Kevin Costner • Worst Actor - Kevin Costner • Worst Screenplay - Brian Helgeland (he also won the Oscar for the L.A. Confidential screenplay the same year and accepted the Razzie in person) and Eric Roth • Worst Original Song - The Entire Song Score But, despite this, Costner still defends this movie with all of his heart and spirit saying this: "I always thought it was a really good movie! I always thought I probably started it wrong. I should have said something like “once upon a time.” Because it was just like a modern-day fairy tale - it wraps itself up with a storybook ending with the statue. You know, I thought it was a pretty funny movie set against the idea of a Superman - somebody stepping up. But in this case, it’s a very humble guy who's nothing but a liar [laughs] - delivers mail and burns half of it just to stay alive. So, I like the movie."

Kevin Costner is one of those actors who seems good as long as he looks the part. When he was young, he looked like a Naval officer hence he was monocromatically good in" No Way Out". As he got older he looks weathered enough to play a hill person, cowboy etc. He can't perform a role he has to disappear in. And one thing he can't seem to get rid of: he's got a look in his eyes and a slight smirk that lets everyone know he is doing you a fucking favor by letting you look at him. Love your channel!!!

Don’t care what anyone says I freaking love this movie!

"The movie that Hollywood doesn't want you to see, which was distributed by Disney" I'm pretty sure Song of the South was several decades too early to be nominated for a Razzy

Brian Helgeland, the writer of this movie won the Razzie for worst screenplay. The very next night Helgeland also won the Oscar for best adapted screenplay for "L.A. Confidential".

wait, and nobody could tell he was liying when he said the president was RICHARD STARKEY!!, RINGO STARR!!, the drummer of THE BEATLES!!!???. that screams "I'M MAKING THIS UP!!!". did people forget about music in the post apocalypse?.

Okay first The Unusual Suspect uploads a new video, and now a new Cinematic Excerment comes out. Are these late birthday presents for me? Also, years later, Kojima would make a version of this story with his signature weirdness known as Death Stranding.

The "Bad Mumps" is a super strain of Mumps that kills off the other Mumps and gains their powers. So by the time this guy got the Bad Mumps, he was more or less infected by The Kurgan of Bad Mumps. Now, the only way to counteract the Bad Mumps is with infection by the aforementioned Good Mumps. The Good Mumps fight the Bad Mumps for ultimate bodily Mumps Supremacy. Now, there can be only one Mumps. Should The Good Mumps win, then you just become sterile, that and you can either read everybody's mind at the same time or none at all. But the Good Mumps will let you pick once. Should The Bad Mumps win...you go blind and everything you eat tastes like pennies. I hope this clarifies the Mumps debacle. No need to thank me. I'm just doing Kevin Costner's work for him, because that bastard clearly refuses to do it himself.

This was the most California review yet.

Fallout New Vegas the movie.

how would humans, as complex, water-dependent organism's exist without water? also horses and lions? dammit

Where I live, wherever that is, in the 1980's we had a car dealership called Ford Lincoln Mercury. That's funny.

I've always interpreted Costner's 'wooden' narration in Dances With Wolves as being the lead character reading back what he had written in his journal. I thought it worked. Anyone else interpret his narration that way?

Still to come: An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn Wild Wild West Freddy Got Fingered Swept Away Gigli Dirty Love Basic Instinct 2 I Know Who Killed Me The Love Guru Movie 43 The Emoji Movie Holmes & Watson Cats

I always liked Colin Quinn's review of The Postman on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update. The movie poster appeared onscreen and, after a brief pause, Mr. Quinn said, "Acting. No more directing. No more producing. No more writing. Acting."

I must be an idiot but I didn't hate this movie.

The Postman is a great movie. One of my favourite movies and it was also a favourite of my grandfather who passed away in June, he thought it was a good futuristic drama. I got Kevin Costner's autograph because of The Postman. It's not a bad movie.

I've never clicked on a video so fast before.

I think "Testament" was when Costner lost his apocalyptic film theme virginity. If you haven't seen "Testament", do it. It's chilling.

This is not a good remake of Il Postino, or a good prequel to The Postman Always Rings Twice.

Also fun fact, screenwriter Brian Helgeland took home the Worst Screenplay Razzie for this, but the following night also added a Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar to his haul for 'LA Confidential'. Also, thank goodness Olivia Williams had 'Rushmore' the following year to make up for being in this. Co-writer Eric Roth also said the movie was originally supposed to be two hours but Costner demanded Helgeland bloat it out to three. Regarding 'Dances With Wolves', Costner was originally only supposed to direct but took up the lead role after Viggo Mortensen dropped out.

RIP Tom Petty. Yet another Floridian killed by opiods.

The Only thing funny in this movie is Tom Petty and that Ringo Starr as President joke. Because The Beatles and Tom Petty are Awesome. Also, "Poor Kevin Cosner, he tried so hard." - Lisa Simpson. I was born in 1997 tho.

6:36 You mean Ringo Starr?

Costner's fetish comes up in waterworld too, some guy offers him his daughter or whatever

when you get done with the project or if it's your 200 episode, Will you review "AFTER", it's basically like Fifty shades of grey, but it's a teen drama and it's based on a fanfiction of Harry Styles.

To be fair, could they do a surrogate father clinically in a post-apocalyptic world? Sean didn't mention they had any kind of medical equipment to make that method possible. I also don't know the process of surrogate impregnation so maybe you don't need fancy equipment to do it, but ethical issues aside, it makes sense to me why direct sex would be the only way to do it.

AniMat and Smeghead releasing new videos at the same time? Did my birthday happen a month later?

"They weren't bad, but nothing to write home about" Hey-oooh!

I think that narration for wolves is just fine. It's a soldier talking so he is very monotone and very direct and to the point. It makes sense he talks like that.

Honestly, I really like the themes of this movie; the postal service serving as a resurrection of the fallen government and order, bringing faith and purpose to the community, as well as symbolising communication and community over intolerance and chaos? Yes please

Did anybody get the pun that probably was unintentional. The Postman in a "Post" apocalypse America. Anyway I live in Oregon so no jokes.

16:43 you could dump the whole review and just put this brilliant statement, spoken with perfect articulation, on a loop for 10 hours straight.

This is a documentary on mail-in voting

You say you have no idea why Kevin Costner was nominated for best actor for Dances With Wolves. What do you expect from the same organisation that didn't give best picture to Goodfellas and best director to Martin Scorsese for Goodfellas.

I liked this movie until the end when everything went back to normal. The lion makes sense to me. Zoos exist now and if the world goes to shit the animals might could escape.

I can’t even watch RU-vid reviewer who makes fun of bad movies without being fed politics. Listen I don’t like republicans, I don’t like democrats but this is the exact reason why division is everywhere now. You can’t watch a sporting event, a movie, tv show, RU-vid reviewer, etc. without being bombarded with extreme ideologies. With that being said, I still enjoy your videos just please can I have a moment of escapism?

You forgot to discuss whether this deserved to be the worst. Considering it was against critical punching bags like “Batman & Robin” and “Speed 2”, it would be interesting to see how you thought “The Postman” compared.

You have to hand it to Costner. He's been in movies, big budget movies for nearly 40 years, and he STILL can't act. You would think, with all that practice, he would have improved at least a little. Nope. Consistently terrible.

Oh Kevin,I want to like you. Dance with wolves and JFK are two of my favorite films. Hell,i´ll defend Wolves to the grave for winning best picture over Goodfellas. But this...This is some uncanny valley of stupidity.

NC briefly mentioned The Postman in his Waterworld review once. I never saw The Postman, and now I see why.

lol if it seems wild that the postal service would be so active in making the new government then you need to refresh your revolutionary war history knowledge

Alan Smithee (1969-1998) was a filmmaker, born and raised in Hollywood, who was infamous for making terrible movies. Tune in next episode of Cinematic Excrement, where The Smeghead will review the movie... ...that killed Alan Smithee.

Liked just for the warning message.

You’ve got mail...it’s a spam letter. Of course.

How RiffTrax hasn't covered the Postman or Lady in the Water yet is mind-boggling to me.

When David Lynch disowned 'Dune' it was then credited with 'Alan Smithee' the literal subject of the next review. Now I'm not even sure if you'll take on 'Dune' from 1984 due to a new adaptation to arrive soon, regardless if it' safe for cinemas to open. I haven't been to the cinema since March and I'm still nervous about when they'll still be open.

This film was ahead of its time

I way the whole thing. It's boring pace is kinda relaxing.

I kind of liked the idea of nobody remembering the Beatles well enough to say, "Richard Starkey? That's Ringo Starr's real name!"

Best 3 word critique: Dances With Post

You owe Kevin Costner an apology! LOL!

One of my guiltiest of movie pleasures.

It was distracting that the costumes looked like they were single-source designed and color coordinated - a friend said they were from “The Gap Post-Apocalypse Collection”

Richard Starkey is Ringo Starr of the Beatles real name. That's probably a nudge.

You not wearing a mask in this video gave me covid. Congrats!

Mumps do indeed cause sterility. Another great video, absolutely loving this series.

I believe both "The Postman" and "Waterworld" released horrible edits with extended scenes about being alone for a real long time. I believe better edits could make both movies somewhat watchable, but neither movie really deserves anymore time spent on it.

The Louis De Joy comments are seriously dated considering the mail-in voting thing worked out in Biden's favor.

The Postman sure did cap off one of the worst years Warner Bros. ever had at the box office. Which did include Batman and Robin.

Hate it with the fire of a thousand suns🤣🤣🤣🤣☀️☀️☀️☀️

Did you not watch Going Postal based on the book by the late Sir Terry Pratchett? That was some dramatic mail pick up

11:45 "By the way, how is your sex life?"