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It is all a matter of degree. Most people need approval and praise. For some it is one of their love languages, but needing it to the extreme can be unhelpful.
14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic ("The Laundry List") We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism. We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. We became addicted to excitement. We confuse love and pity and tend to “love” people we can “pity” and “rescue.” We have “stuffed” our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial). We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us. Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
It helps hearing things that I held deep inside and thought no one would likely understand, then realize its so common books are written on it, classes taught, therapies available. ADHD. Disorganized Attachment. Abandonment Trauma. Rejection Sensitivity. Co-dependency. Performance anxiety / Spectatoring. People pleasing. They all seem to overlap in some ways and that also gives me hope.
@@ranc1977 you're right haha Generalized Anxiety Disorder for me. That part has become easier for me after getting into journaling. Dr. K has a great video on that.
@@SUNNofODIN I believe all our disorders stem from ACoA and dysfunctional ambient while growing up. We were never "equipped" to handle difficult people - but to serve them and fix them and blame ourselves when they are angry and moody.
I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ru-vid.comsearch?query=codependency
I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. You can find videos on the inner child and healing the inner child at: ru-vid.comsearch?query=innerchild
Another helpful and educational video. I can't help but think about a past relationship, where I changed from a confident and outgoing person to a very needy person. I needed my hand held constantly, I was waiting for that text from my partner because the texts were emotionally nourishing. Back then I had the belief that this was my only chance as no-one else would be interested in me. Happy to say those days are long behind me. If I had my time again, I say be more discerning about the qualities you are after. I liked your tip on writing an autobiography and thought it was interesting the comment that codependency behaviour increases chances of survival.
I am grateful to be of help. I am sorry that past relationship changed you and I an glad those times are behind you. Please let me know how writing the autobiography is going
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ru-vid.comsearch?query=codependency
Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics - struggles with maintaining interpersonal relationships - struggles with codependency - impulsive or dangerous behaviors - anxiety and hypervigilance - fear of abandonment - conflict avoidance/fear of conflict - constantly seeking approval - struggles with authority figures - poor communication - struggles with emotional regulation - poor self-esteem and self-image, or constantly feeling "different"
@@saraahm5605 When we know the cause - we can flip it, and no longer self blame ourselves and self diagnose ourselves anymore through self pathology. The Flip Side of The Laundry List We move out of isolation and are not unrealistically afraid of other people, even authority figures. We do not depend on others to tell us who we are. We are not automatically frightened by angry people and no longer regard personal criticism as a threat. We do not have a compulsive need to recreate abandonment. We stop living life from the standpoint of victims and are not attracted by this trait in our important relationships. We do not use enabling as a way to avoid looking at our own shortcomings. We do not feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves. We avoid emotional intoxication and choose workable relationships instead of constant upset. We are able to distinguish love from pity, and do not think “rescuing” people we “pity” is an act of love. We come out of denial about our traumatic childhoods and regain the ability to feel and express our emotions. We stop judging and condemning ourselves and discover a sense of self-worth. We grow in independence and are no longer terrified of abandonment. We have interdependent relationships with healthy people, not dependent relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable. The characteristics of alcoholism and para-alcoholism we have internalized are identified, acknowledged, and removed. We are actors, not reactors.
Hi, Tom. Tank you for watching my video. If you’re interested in videos on codependency , you can find them at: ru-vid.comsearch?query=codependency Btw, at DocSnipes.com, we offer many resources on codependency and self help courses
It's interesting, at Balkans traffic light flashes yellow. And it goes with Balkan mentality - not to stop, but to drive as usual without caring about other people's safety.
Your videos are absolutely gold. I hope you gain more followers because that means more people will hear you and move into a better place in their lives.
I appreciate you creating these videos and giving the gift of information and education and your time. These are all very helpful for me I can't thank you enough
You are so welcome! I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at ru-vid.comsearch?query=codependency
