'Coercive Control' Woman Demands Frequent Sex and Issues Bathroom Ban | Gareth Jones Case Analysis 

Six children from other relationships? Run.

She tortured this guy and got no jail time. The UK system failed this man

The first red flag, that we know of, was her saying that she was 33 when she was 39. Any relationship that starts with lies, no matter how small they may be, is doomed to fail.

"Plenty of Fish" = "plenty of unhinged people who no-one wants"

Simp meets sociopath

Ladies and gentlemen, the FIRST time someone is aggressive with you, get the hell out.

False accusations should systematically lead to prison sentences of the same duration as that of the victim would have been sentenced to if believed guilty.

“Will you walk into my parlor?” Said the spider to the fly.

I would've been outta there as soon as she said "we're not leaving the mall until you buy me something expensive."

As my Dad said to me once, “You have to be careful who you get naked with.”

Those who say this man had no self respect completely missed the part that she threatened to falsely report on him if he ever left. Sadly, the justice system allows this behaviour.

No matter how lonely you are, or much you long for a relationship please please dont allow yourself to fall into such a scenario..

She wasn't looking for a partner or for love, she was looking for a victim- and in him she found one.

Narcissists are predators, they feed on you.

If this was the other way round he would've been locked up

Men are so conditioned to not admit that they're in an abusive relationship. It's one of our biggest downfalls. The lack of being able to express vulnerability.

Where were her six kids? He was very lucky not to get her pregnant.

All of that in a 9 month relationship? Jeez she doesn't waste time!

Where are those kids? They need to be protected and removed from her!

It's important not to gloss over the reasons why Gareth would stay in what is obviously an extremely abusive relationship. Dr. Grande tends to do a good job of outlining the mindset of the abuser, but says very little about the mindset of the abused. He hints at this at the end when he says, "How could anyone tolerate her behavior, even for a second?" It should be obvious to everyone that the source of Sarah's disturbing abuse is her own experiences in childhood. This is a complex topic and I don't know enough about her specific childhood to point to specific examples, but from my studies I've learned that people who have an extreme need to control others were themselves originally subjected to extreme control. Her refusal to let Gareth use the restroom in her house "because men are disgusting" is a belief she developed early in life. Men are disgusting because of experiences she had with men (mostly likely her father) when she was a child. And it isn't just that she controlled Gareth, she actually enjoyed it. She was sadistic. So we have to ask ourselves why?? Why this extreme pleasure in causing other people pain? The abuse is her way of symbolically taking back control from what is most likely her father, and getting revenge for all the trauma he put her through. All of Sarah's lovers are transformed into "daddy" in which case she feels justified in her cruel behavior because she is actually the true "victim" of "daddy." The tragedy is that for one part of her life, a long time ago, she WAS the victim. But what about Gareth? What experiences did he have in early life that made him feel like this abuse is the price of love? To get the answer to that question we'd have to look at the relationship his parents modeled for him when he was young. Judging by his behavior he must have held an unconscious belief that "abuse is love." Just think about all of the terrible things Dr. Grande said she did to him. Making him leave the house when she wasn't there! Sleeping on the floor with no blanket and the window open!! Obviously Gareth had very little or no self-respect. He had no concept of his own boundaries and no ability to stand up for himself in the face of extreme abuse. We are drawn to relationships that remind us of the old "at home" feeling from childhood. In some way, Gareth was unconsciously drawn to Sarah because her abuse was familiar. This is a failure of his parents to instill in him, when he was young, a sense of self-worth. And it's this condition that leads to the mindset that "I don't deserve to be treated with dignity." Dr. Grande said it himself when he pointed out that Gareth "couldn't believe she (Sarah) would want to with him." Many men carry around this self-degrading feeling of "less-than." It's because their parents carry the feeling and pass it down to their children in childhood. This is the definition of generational trauma, and if we want our young men and women to be able to extricate themselves from abusive situations as soon as possible, we need parents to model a strong sense of self to show them how to love themselves, and to instill in them the idea that they'll be okay alone. Abuse is not the price of love.

I worked with a guy who had a milder version of this situation. He was not permitted to use the air conditioning in his girlfriends house unless she was home. He had lots of material posessions, and was afraid she would throw them away or damage them if he tried to move, because it would take quite an effort to get that stuff out of there. At work he formulated a plan involving a half dozen men, several vehicles, and a large truck. Every piece was accounted for. One day when she left for work, this convoy rolled up, cleared the house, and took off. It was all in storage until he could buy his own home. It was fun to watch as he freed himself.

People don't think that a man can be a victim of domestic by his female partner because he is usually the physically stronger one. It just goes to show you the immense power of psychological and emotional abuse.

Ah yes, Plenty of Fish: A smorgasbord of damaged people. For me, PoF was like a university level course in Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s taken me years to recover from the gems I met on there.

He wasn't permitted to use the bathroom! I can't imagine agreeing to all her craziness 😮

I hope this man gets a KIND woman and realizes what true love actually is.

As my grandfather told my mother, who then told us "Don't have sex with someone you're not prepared to raise a child with". And, yes, I've passed this suggestion on to the next generation. She sounds unbalanced and needs to be removed from other people

She ceased love bombing and began the abusive behavior immediately after they moved in together. I’m surprised it took her that long

Unfortunately, Gareth lacked self-respect and was subsequently steamrolled emotionally by a psycho.

“Plenty of Fish”? She should have been looking for love on “Plenty of Red Flags”

The fact she already had 6 children from previous marriages and still wanting to have another child with another man is mind boggling. How can you take proper care of all of these children, spend time with them, teach them anything, feed them and be a decent parent leading such intensive life like she does.

The first glaring red flag was at that retail store where she dug her nails into him demanding he buy her things. He should have called the police and had her arrested for assault. Or at the very least scream at her that she's a psychopath and tell her to never contact him again.

Horrible. No one deserves abuse like this. Men, if anything like this happens to you, if any woman starts treating you like shit - you deserve much better. Leave.

Cannot imagine having her as a mother.

I had to rewind to the start after about 3 minutes. That's when I realized I had been thinking about the shirt and not hearing a single word.

Thank you, Dr. Grande, for all the meaningful and interesting videos. ❤ We look forward to them!

Having six kids is already insane. And having them with different daddies tells you everything about this lady.

If I was Gareth, I'd LOVE to go to jail rather than staying with that Harpy!!!

The way you deliver those cases = Pure Gold! You need your own TV Show.

I’m perplexed. This man had no friends, family or co-workers that could pull his coattails EARLY ON?

This is so sad. Imagine dealing with something so extremely intolerable simply because he didn't want to be alone? This woman is beyond a psychotic.

I can't imagine how low his self esteem was to "fall" for someone like that....

Love your style. No drama, just straightforward facts in an articulate manner. God bless...

You can always tell the abused partner, they stress age so damn quickly, while the abuser continues to glow with happiness. It's sad so many men are desperately holding onto terrible relationships out of fear.

Professionally I work with people who are in domestic violence, but I’ve never seen anything to this extreme. My concern is for the children who are exposed to this woman, and the things they have to witness her doing to other people the courts need to remove the children from her care.

People expected Sarah to acknowledge the harm she inflicted on Gareth & show remorse for it, but nothing gives a narcissist like her more satisfaction than denying the victim & twisting the narrative to make her look like the aggrieved party. Sadly the lack of custodial sentence only empowered & reinforces her toxic behaviour even further.

Sounds like the guy has a case of PTSD. I hope he’s able to overcome and turn it around into a learning experience and thankful he’s a wiser man.

My narcissistic sister wouldn’t let me make jokes in her house at dinner and if I laughed she would cover her ears and say I was too loud. I am actually quiet spoken. It was her way to control me and relentlessly criticize me.

Bad relationships are always easy to get into. Getting out is the hard part.

The things people are willing to put up with to avoid being alone

I feel so bad for Garieth. I hope she gets her Karma and he finds someone who can help him heal

"Narcissists get away with what they can , no matter how outlandish the demands and bad behaviour"..True. However we dont hear very often that when narcissists try it on harder individuals they can become extremely insidious to the point of becoming almost credible to everyone else. This is by far a much more dangerous situation to everyone, including the narcissist.

If someone is this controlling, run. Get away from them

The victim shaming in these comments is sickening. Sarah was the manipulator and the abuser, and Gareth was one of several victims. He had the courage to come forward to the police and continues to advocate for men affected by abuse, and so many comments just call him a simp. It takes courage regardless of sex or gender to leave an abusive relationship, more so when there is a stigma against men who are abused by women. I hope Sarah’s other victims and children (as well as anyone in a similar situation) finds the courage to leave and finds themselves surrounded by support . Also, love the shirt

That woman has 7 kids-yikes! Imgine having THAT as your mother!

Omg. The fact that he stayed so long 😮😢. And with the court case - what about her 6 freaking children?? If she abused him, as stated, what is she doing to those children? The British version of CPS (Child Protective Services) should be heavily involved.

Man, how would you even last a day with someone like this? She's literally telling you that your entire life with her is going to be emotional and mental abuse when she sets so many rules for everything.

That's wild. Who the hell is desperate enough to put up with that?

It is unjust whenever a perpetrator of DV is let off without any real consequence. The system needs an overhaul.

There are so many signs that he needed to run away from her right away, but yet he stayed. This sadly happens a lot more often than we think. He clearly has a lot of issues with self esteem and was desperate for love. I am hope he finds a good woman that will treat him right. I feel so sorry for her kids having to grow up with such a mother.

If she makes ''rules'' for you, you know where you stand.

1- You find out they have 6 kids and you stay 2- They kick you out of the house in your underwear, then explain their behavior by saying you have "mood swings" and you stay 4- They call you terrible names and you stay 5- They say they aren't leaving a store until you buy them something expensive, so you buy them something expensive 5- You can fully see that your partner is a terrible person who doesn't treat you well, but they are physically attractive, so you stay Ok I kinda lost track of red flags here.🤦⛳😂

She told him she had 6 children and he still agreed to meet her for a 1st date. Need we go further in this dude's issues?

What a complete nightmare. Could also be characterised as fearful avoidant attachment style, constantly pushing away what she actually wants. Or disgusted by men even though she’s had 6 children already. With different men. And wants more. …No human being should be expected to put up with coercive control from a partner without immediate social support to get away.

This is a disgusting woman she should have gone to prison .As a woman having been on the receiving end of this behavior with a lot of physical violence too i do have PTSD and CPTSD and depression from that relationship it broke me mentally completely so i really feel for Gareth and hope he has support

Every time I hear a story like this, I thank god I am single.

Everyone is completely missing the biggest point here. You don't live in a place where you can't hang out or use the bathroom. Thats crazy. The bathroom thing alone would have been a deal breaker for me. I would have immediately rented my own place on the other side of town and disappeared from her for good, NEVER to be seen by her again. If what it took was me using the bathroom and videoing her freak out I would have done exactly that. I don't know ANYONE that would not have seen that as an abuse from someone you are supposed to be in a relationship with. Not even once.

Sara had to find the right guy to demand all of that.

What a horrible, sick and dangerous, damaged woman. I think she should be in jail, 'cos she'll definitely keep doing it.

Word of the day: SELF-RESPECT!!!! I'll add another one: Self-love. I'm so happy her Exes came to the man's defense.

Sounds like he was a submissive but it got out of control. And he didnt consent

Obviously Gareth had very low self esteem before meeting her. I wonder what happened to him before, but meeting her was exactly what he didn't need.

Poor bloke! He deserves better. Hope he’s living a better life now… Hugs, Gareth. You’re stronger than what you think.

Great video Dr.Grande! Gareth probably had some of his own childhood PTSD that made red flags look so normal to him that her banners barely set off his alarm bells until red was the only thing he could see.

If someone grabs you by the arm and demands you buy something expensive for her or else she'll start looking for other men, and especially if she grabs you so hard your arm starts to bleed. Tell her to go a head and look elsewhere and when she pulls out her phone tell her to delete your number while she's at it. Then run, run far away and don't look back. Whatever you do, do not move into her place. Just today my husband told me that he considered a woman who was willing to let a man move in with her to be nothing but trouble. He said that willingness was a big red flag. I wouldn't describe my husband as especially religious so the attitude surprised me.

Great channel 👍🏻

Meeting prospective partners on dating sites is like throwing a hook into the ocean and pulling out who knows what kind of monster.

I was in a similar relationship as Gareth. She went further though and threatened my family. Big fieaso that took a couple years to get rid of her. Social services put me in a shelter and offered to pay for my move away from the area. As a man I can understand that lack of wanting to leave since embarrassing in a sense for a man not to have control of whats going on.

Some abusers are so insidious that the victims 'fall' for more abuse before gaining the courage to leave. I'm a grown man who just got groped by an adult swim class instructor. I was so shocked that I ignored it because I needed to learn to swim. After a couple months of that treatment, I canceled the class. You'd be surprised at how easily anyone can be conned.

Love your shirt Dr. Grande! 😃

The people shaming Gareth in the comments need a reality check. Abuse can happen to anyone by anyone, and I'm really glad the justice system sided with him (and the two other men who testified). She should definitely be in jail but this story will follow her for the rest of her life. I really hope he heals and finds more people in his life that bring him peace.

I'm speculating about what could be happening with eyebrows like that.

All this talk of "forcing him" is ultimately nonsense. He gave his power to her, surrendering it... bit by bit at first, then complete surrender. To be clear, that man could have physically overpowered her with his dominate hand tied behind his back. It is government being involved in relationship issues that will keep a good man in an abusive relationship. However, your analysis is spot on. Although my wife was not this bad (not even close) she was emotionally abusive and used sex and affection as weapons. No one did I sacrifice more of my time, resources and hard work for than her. And no one (and i do mean NO ONE) treated me with less dignity, less respect, less kindness, less basic politeness and less love than the woman I chose to marry, forsaking all others for her. I know what emotional abuse can do to a man who falls for the love bombing of an emotionally abusive woman. It warps a man's sense of self worth. I eventually began to literally loathe myself. Then I had a dream that i think God gave me. When I woke up the next day, something had changed in me. All of the sudden, clear out of the blue, i didn't give two shits what my wife thought of me. I didn't care if she even liked me. All I cared about was whether I liked her... and I didn't, not at all. And it felt liberating. I was free and I let her know it. And the power dynamic completely flipped.

OMG, what a wonderful shirt, Dr. Grande!

She wanted so many changes that it seems she just didn’t like him.

The case is similar in some ways to a Coersive Control conviction of a woman in the UK. Her boyfriend escaped finally on the brink of death basically. He had injuries all over his body, some life-threatening and he was severely malnourished & dehydrated. Remember - it's never too late to reach out to friends, family, Domestic Abuse services in your area, or if you're in immediate danger an emergency room/hospital/clinic, a police station, or call 911/ ur local emergency phone number :)

Oh, the joy of dealing with a full-blown narcissist. How desperate does a dude have to tolerate even the first moments with such a woman? While our mother was not this bad, she was the most difficult person I've ever encountered. Once I left home and started my own life, I realized Mom blackmailed and extorted our father throughout their relationship, and she abused all of us while projecting the guilt and shame of her own commissions and omissions onto us. I am surprised none of us met a violent end due to Mom's horrible antics.

Thanks for the long list of attributes!🎉💥🥳

I'm just going to come out and be very blunt here. Mainly because I lost my best friend to a woman like this. 1. Stay off of matchmaking websites! You will attract the worst of the worst. 2. Don't allow yourself to have intercourse with anyone until you've known them a decent amount of time. I know this can be hard. Male or female... just re-watch this video. You want to be beat or treated like a dog... go ahead. That's your choice. Don't expect the cops to do anything for you.. because you didn't help yourself. Reach out, respect yourself more than that.

I feel so sorry for her children!

Whew!! Nice shirt, Dr. Grande!

Value yourself, no matter what your insecurities are. No matter how beautiful you think someone is, if they treat you badly - walk away.

That woman is dangerous. If she wasn’t an attractive female, she would’ve gone to jail like she should have.

I never thought I would say this but the woman in this story is an extremely amplified version of my first wife. My first wife was diagnosed as having Borderline Personality Disorder. Her behaviors were very similar to those of the woman discussed in this video. In my wifes case she was extremely abusive and she did some measure of harm to everyone who was unfortunate enough to have crossed her path. As expected she was especially abusive to me and our two small children. All of that stuff noted I will say and I will admit that like Gareth Jones (the man discussed in this video) I invited the abuse by being passive and having low confidence in myself and almost no self-esteem. At the age of 18 and 17 concurrently my wife and I were very immature when we took off together to take on the world and to start a family. Nevertheless if not for my own lack of strength and courage I would never have considered leaving my family and everything I knew behind for the sake of running away with my first wife. The upshot is that while my wife was a certified "mental case" I was the perfect willing victim for her - much like the couple in this video. Somewhere along the way (after 13 long years of abuse in that marriage) I discovered my backbone. I had learned (somehow learned) that by making myself a proverbial doormat I should not have been surprised when my wife walked on me - wiped her feet on me in a manner of speaking. For the weakling that I was - I had it coming. Somehow I managed to escape that marriage and able to to develop some self-confidence and to develop albeit late in life something resembling a mature man - no longer a proverbial doormat. I can't honestly blame my former wife for all the misery I took. She was mentally ill and in a manner of speaking so was I...I was the hand that fit her glove for those 13 miserable years. I grew out of it and when I think about it I can't help feeling a twinge of pain and embarrassment for the role I played in my suffering. But I'm much better now.

How does a guy stay with that creature after it says it's got mood swings after it kicked him out of the house suddenly while he was basically naked?

I had a brief relationship with a woman who hid the fact she had three children with at least one other man. I presumed those children lived with aunties, uncles or the father's families. I felt betrayed she didn't reveal this early on. Don't discover red flags too late, and get stuck in the thick of it.

Thank you for bringing back that shirt. It’s iconic and needs its own channel.

Hi Dr Grande, just wanted to say thank you. I'm only 9 seconds in and wanted you to know that just hearing you say " Hello, this is Dr Grande " in your consistently calm and caring manner is like medicine for my ears tonight after a very challenging day indeed! Sending you and Mrs Grande my very best wishes and much appreciation for your work!

She should’ve also been charged for those atrocious eyebrows! 🥴

The greatest thing is that Dr. Grande gets to write off all those excellent tropical shirts!

Any man or woman who would stay in a relationship with this kind of controlling person has serious self-esteem issues. I'm allowed to make this online diagnosis because I have no medical qualifications.