Comment: Dealing with Depression as a Geek 

Eli The Psychiatrist Guy

I've been going through a lot of stuff with my dad after his second heart attack a year ago. He lost the ability to walk and so I've been having to take care of him completely since then. Dialysis, diapers, cooking, ferrying back and forth... completely. I'm here now because after I graduated from tech school for I/E technician I haven't been able to even search for a job due to all of this. My goal for I/E was to become a PLC/PAC programmer, but I've decided to study computer programming and eventually aim to be a software engineer. Part of that is due to your channel here, and I'm really glad I found these videos. I spent about ten minutes staring at my steering wheel wondering whether I was about to cry or not earlier today and this made me feel so much better!

One of the best videos about depression I've seen, and from an unlikely place.

Hey Eli, I just wanted to personally thank you for this video because your words meant everything to me when I thought no one understood me. Thanks!

I'm not REALLY a sports guy, but, i think that exercise is one of the best ways out of a tech depression. I know that we feel like doing nothing and we hit pause, but mind and body are particularly connected and we as tech professionals sometimes forget about it... Our minds has incredibly high capacity to deal with a lot of complex tasks and responsibilities, but with good exercise the body can compensate mind failures greatly. Of course there is that point where you just need to stop, take the damage and keep going but.... What i want to add here is, EXERCISE coders, our brain can keep working at high capacity if you manage to balance body and mind.

Hello Eli and Commenters, In my opinion, it is essential to exercise the brain and the body. Many IT professionals, do not get enough physical exercise. Wellness encompasses the, "Six Dimensions of Health": Mental, Physical, Emotional, Environmental, Social, Spiritual. It is vital to balance the strength of the brain with the body--the two need to work in tandem. A healthy diet, ample amount of physical exercise, 6 - 8 hours of rest, and a few more important elements will lead to a high powered life. Engaging in some new and exciting activities will also yield beneficial rewards. Working on all six dimensions of ones health will promote, "Wellness". I hope everyone is doing well and keep up the excellent work! Sincerely, Jason

Eli you are the whole package with these videos. I'm not in IT, currently self-studying for the A+ (I know, it's not much) as the first step toward getting out of my long term dead-end warehouse job... For the longest time I had no direction and you described exactly how I was feeling during those times. In a horrible cycle (it wasn't just the job but I won't bore you all with the details). You also perfectly, poignantly expressed what finally helped me begin breaking the cycle. You have to recognize the pattern, identify the root cause(s), lay out a plan, and make positive, impactful changes. I'm still working at it but I've improved I would say 90% already, and it was exactly as you described here. I'm just seeing this one for the first time but what you say is so true. Thank you for these videos, you help people more than you might know, with both tech talks as well as personal talks. Keep on keeping on.

People don't understand what we do, I was a tech with AT&T. I was taking a computer class and the teacher asked me what I did for a living, I said I'm a telecommunications tech with AT&T. He said you're the guys who come in and punch down the wires on those blocks.

A geek life is extremely unnatural ( breathing toxic air, sitting for long periods, lack of natural sunlight, etc) so it is only predictable that depression comes with the territory. Around 8 am the body releases a hormonal cascade to ready one for physical work. If we plop ourselves down in a chair we are not burning off the bio-chems instead we are being pickled by them. This is why so many people have heart attacks in the am

i've found that helping people when i'm depressed is so difficult, if I can't find my feet and my willpower on any given day nobody will get help, and I used to help people (friends/family) relentlessly but now, they're not getting attention. My Energy feels like it's at 1/10th of what it was. It feels like it's happened over about 3 years... it was gradual and I thought I was just getting moody and my circumstances at the time would have upset anyone but i'm normally cyclical. don't ignore the initial signs of depression, when you start drinking or pushing people away (the closest people to you) take action and reevaluate.

Thanks Eli, your video came at exactly the right time. I'm at a real decision point at my job and if I want to continue to deal with the craziness that goes along with it. You've really helped clarify my thoughts and how I'm going to handle things.

This was an EXCELLENT video and should be required viewing for anyone that's been in the consulting practice for more than a few years. My life blew up in a spectacular fashion late last year because I didn't sense the warning signs coming. Getting back on track now. (The advice to 'not focus on the damage' is excellent, and fortunately something I figured out on my own ... water under the bridge so to speak). The trick is to see these meltdowns coming and walk way until you get your head together. If your judgement is compromised, it's already too late. THANK YOU @Eli for this video.

Eli, you're dead on. Whenever I feel stuck or depressed, I always work on something satisfying to remind myself I'm fine.

Great vid Eli, thanks for bringing this subject on the table, did not originaly thought I would be exposed to such content (but nevertheless pertinent) when subscribing on your channel to gain IT real life knowledge; cannot agree more with you about the whole thing on self-motivation when performing tasks that almost nobody understand in your professional entourage when acting as an IT professional. I hope you keep doing your vids for a very long time!

I appreciate you sharing your stories and experiences. You're helping us learn more about IT in a few minutes than we could learn in hours, days, weeks, etc reading books and taking classes.

Very interesting discussion on this. All of this pretty much also applies to the more creative jobs around tech as well.

Wish id seen this in 2014 when i started in tech support which was my first real tech job. A lot further along with both career and mental health but each step forward feels like 2 steps back. Keep up the good work eli

Great video Eli, thanks for being so honest. I think it is true that if you don't care of your self, you will also struggle to care for others. It's so important to take time to rejuvenate. Thanks for all the tech lessons!

Thank you so much for this insightful talk. I'm glad I found your channel. Excellent content!

Eli, I often listen to your videos as background entertainment and information as I dredge from one RDC session to the next, so I hope you get the rest you need and come back to us at some point. Nothing but good thoughts being sent your way big guy!

Thank you so much for this video :) it's what I needed.

Excellent points well said.

Hey Eli the Computer Guy. I too am dealing with depression. I have been dealing with it for about a year and its the kind where it is brought on by stress. It is a booger to handle at times and a major thanks to a shrink that helped me out, I am doing better. I hope you can just hang in there.

Before I saw your video I though I just had to push through. I've had physical jobs where I was hurt and just pushed through to the other side. I had always did tech jobs on the side and was good. Then I hit a rough patch and after that I decided I would start an IT business. Now I'm dealing with my aging parent and grandparent as an only child. The stress of the situation has effected my business. I started off really good but lately I'm in this mudpit of a situation where I can't seem to get back on track. I'm on a mental rollercoaster and its depresses me often to the point I just go somewhere to be by myself. Its hurting me financially because I can't keep up the business. I really didn't know what to do. But now that I've seen your video I think I'll just pause the business long enough to figure out how to manage them so I can get back to working. Thanks Eli

Thank you Eli. Giving ones self a pass because we need it isn't often talked about. I think you are skilled/talented at making youtube videos.

Great video, Eli. This really speaks to me. Thanks.

Great video, keeping it real and sharing some helpful steps to take.

There seems to be a way bigger positive side to this. When you're irreplaceable, it gives you pride, it gives you advantage, it gives you security.

Eli, I want to say that this video has really helped me out a lot. I thank you for making it. While I am not neccesarily a "geek", I am a double engineering major in college right now, and this video has helped me out significantly. I don't think that I can really say it enough. I don't know if you will see this, but I hope you do.

Dear Mr. Etherton, I want to thank you for making and posting this video. About a year ago I subscribed to your RU-vid channel, and I've watched a lot of your videos and have learned a lot. You've explained things in a clear and organized way regarding many topics I have been interested in. I work in the private service industry (i.e. service to uber wealthy individuals) and can relate to several things you shared in this video. Your openness about the need to press pause and your openness that you to have to deal with this issue personally has helped me to not feel alone in my struggling with this issue in my own world. I look up to you for your being a role model in this regard. My gratitude to you.

Thanks Eli. I'm not depressed but i love your introspection about IT folks. I feel not being understood personally and professionally and not fully understanding ones own motivations and mental state, is a difficult aspect about being in this field.

Thank you for this video.

Surprisingly great video on this topic with great insight.

Eli, thank you for this. One of the best. I can relate to all "geek depression" that you talk about. My ex CEO always said I have no idea what you do but keep doing it. :)

Spot on!! Great video and advice!!

This was quite profound, thanks for opening up. Actually more insightful than many famous self help gurus. After managing an IT for 12 years I worked at home and went off the rails.

Thank you very, very much for making this video.

Lots of great points. I've dealt with depression on and off my whole life, mainly the first category you mentioned... been diagnosed recently with bipolar. In addition to which, the profession itself often creates many of those "events" you mention for the second category. Because I'm bipolar, unlike most technology professionals I actually can power through it; I didn't realize why until I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My manic state is essentially a super-power that lets me muscle through any sh*t storm and pull other people with me. But it comes at a cost, as I when I'm down i experience the 'profound tiredness' you speak of, burn outs, or blow outs. The latter, to one of your points, do in fact make people not want to work with you, I can attest to that firsthand. The highs are indeed high, but the lows, while less extreme, I think are the more the common state in the industry. * The * most common state is somewhere in between; but comparing highs and lows, the highs are less frequent. Most people (non-tech) have no idea what professional technologists have to deal with on a daily basis. And many young technologists, or kids that want to join, don't realize everything they are getting into. Many employers unfortunately take advantage of their ignorance in order to over-task them. I'm a software engineer. One of the things that continues to amuse me is that most lay people think that coding is a 'rote' task. They think that we just plug this thing into that thing and voila, magic achieved... like digital Legos or something like that. They don't realize to what extent software engineering, and even more hardware-oriented tasks, is a creative endeavor. You have a lot of tools lying around, but there is more than one way to use them. And depending on what you want to accomplish with those tools, you are going to encounter different obstacles and puzzles to sole to achieve your goal. But there are new challenges every day, no matter how much experience you gain. Once you reach one vista of experience, you push yourself, and the people around you push you, to try ever more ambitious things, which presents new challenges, et cetera. And often times, you have to * make * the tool, because it doesn't exist. Take RAID arrays, for instance. Like I said, I'm a software engineer, not an IT guy. But I also build computers as a hobby, I've built a workstation at work for my wife, and at my last job, where we literally had no IT staff, or dev ops, or anything of the sort, I had to step in and build, install and configure multiple servers. I've now installed 3 RAID arrays on two different OSes - Windows 7 and Centos 7 - on 3 different machines with 3 different onboard RAID controllers, one with an LSI oprom, one with the Intel oprom, and one with the latter but via the IRSTe software from Windows. Now, not being an IT guy, I'm not very experienced with RAID. Every install was different. Every install had problems. Every install took a day or more to accomplish. 2 of the 3 installs required me to reinstall the OS from scratch because I fubared it so badly. All of the controllers, and the various software used to control the arrays, are documented. But documentation never provides 100% coverage or clarity of the subject matter. Search literacy is very important as a technology worker. But searching online will only get you so far. What do you do when you have read all the documentation and you are staring at an unresponsive machine that won't boot? You have to think. You have to troubleshoot. You have to problem solve. It's just you and your brain at those moments, and that's a daily occurrence for most of us; it should be if you are getting any work done, anyway. That is the takeaway for me in that part of your video; there are people in the comments who took exception to your identification of the exceptionalism of technologists. One comment noted for instance that IT professionals are replaceable. Of course they are, that's missing the point completely. Ultimately any employee can be replaced. The question is, what will the business impact be when they leave, and how difficult will it be to replace them? I've had to interview dozens of software engineers, and I can tell you, finding talented technology employees is a long, arduous, time-consuming and expensive task. Thanks for the video; rare to see someone discussing facets of the industry like this.

as a guy who was in therapy myself and tried medications i have to say that medications only reduce the symptopms but not the trigger. thats 100% up to you. a therapist woll not drag you out of the misery. no you do it allyourself. a therapist can help but actual work has to be done by yourself. there are way to may people that think medication and a therapist is all you need but thats simply not true.... have you ever worked something else than in the IT? i did and im telling you that doing physical work with depression is as hard as mental work i know both.....

You are my geek hero man; and now, you're one of my depression heroes as well.

This was extremely helpful, thank you

Great video. I'm not a I.T. person but I can relate what you're saying. Thanks for the pep talk.

Eli, thanks for the words of wisdom.

Wow i watched the previous videos but the last one hit home hard!!! Loneliness and Isolation as a Tech Professional Being 100% Right, And 100% Fired Being An "Asshole" As A Technology Professional Dealing with Depression as a Geek These all hit home and wow does Eli have honest truth and great suggestion! Press pause is crucial even if it causes financial struggle, our mental health is key in monitoring and taking necessary action. All these videos are just too true....

Well Eli the way that you explain stuff is awesome understood it very clearly thanks man real peoples people have a awesome day.

TY AGAIN FOR YOUR ADVICE.... YOUR THE MAN

Hey Eli, Great work on the video. Really need that boost in my situation. Keep up with the geeks stuff. You just won a new subscriber :)

Wow this vid has been most helpfull indeed. Some points i've already been through and dealt with the way you describe them. Like not fixating on the problem, but accept what happend, move on, and try to mend it later on when you feel ready. It's energy wasted when trying to fixate on the problem. Rather look for a solution. And it doesn't have to be at that time. Also, i'm learning right now that my boss (i'm an intern) has no idea of what i actually do or what i can do. I'm a media development student right now, but i've also got a degree in IT management already. But they ask me to DESIGN banner etc. in Photoshop. Although i'm not really an artist or a designer, it's nice to be appreciated for my work in that field, but that also made me see that he doesn't really know what i can do.

it's normal to be fatigued after running a marathon. I think you just need a break to recover. I've gone through phases like this and I think I was burnt out. taking a break really helps.

I feel you on that one. Issues at home just make it all the worse, especially if you are working from home at any point.

Amazing vids! Way to go!!

Eli, i am just zooming in on your videos, since i am researching this career as my zone of interest. But back to your talk on depression, you should be highly credited for being honest, i felt you were. Thank you, then again, as a master in your field, you do need to take a break, and not run around in a cage after the cheese, day after day after day, like mice. You saw you had to pause, and this is so vitably important. I say you have the right idea, stepping aside and taking time off, vacationing sounds like a great source for a mighty powerful comeback. You certainly did have a vision for a plan, and it makes much sense. It might have been damaging to others, who were involved in the contract, but your life is on the line, you knew it had to be your way, and it should. You are a fantastic guy, your wife should be proud of you. I like you both, and i don't know her, but you are on the right track. I will take this as an experience in my future life as an Information system manager.

this video really helped me a lot .. Thanks a lot

Really good video here. Appreciated.

Thank you very much for this video

Damn Eli, I have always thought of you as a person who has his shit together. Never Cries. Never Flinches. I respect you more for admitting that you are dealing with this issue.

i think weary is the word you were looking for....

Surfing is such a great metaphor for consulting!

thanks for being brave enough to share this.

This man is very wise.

I agree...especially the part near the end when you said about doing the same thing the next day and hoping for some miraculous change...as Albert Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome"

Hello Eli. I just wanted to say love your videos.

I think that IT pepople often times overvalu importance of theyr profession. Outside virtual wolrd there is also a real world that is as important as virtual. For the business Sales is as important as IT, there is no money for IT stuff salareis if there is no sales. You menthioned that construction worker can not screw up so much in his job, as IT worker can. But if there are big mistakes in construction a building can colapse and lot of people can lose theyr lifes as a result of that. A bus driver or a plane pilot also take big responsibilty, the same as doctors do. Dont think that other professions are less responsible then IT. Server crash is nothing in comparison to a plane crash. But on the depression side totally agree. Nothing is as important as helth spetaly mental. If you loose that you loose everything.

Thanks for keeping it real.

This is realy helpful Thank You .

this is one of the best but the most underated channal (i guess,as i would like to see many many more likes and views for this guy) i came across on youtube. YOU ARE THE BEST ELI!!!

Great videos, Eli!

I appreciate this video!

Great vid! I am working for a company from last 12 years as an IT engineer and Database Administrator and built an entire IT infrastructure from ground up. And now I have anxiety and panics on multiple basis. Coz company was not realizing my profession and my work. Did all Cisco vpn and routing stuff. Did voice Over ip and messaging system. Did Oracle db Dev and db administration. Did Microsoft system admin stuff all that group policy stuff. Did ERP second line of support for the company. Did lots of sql and crystal reporting to collect business analytical stuff now I feel crazy

i agree with you eli taking work home thinking all the tie never switch off tech rules always etc

Yep, sometimes the wave just crashes and pulls you under. Agree that medication can help when you get so low that you can't see the path out.

Good video. I agree IT is stressful because we have to make people with different character satisfied in different way for the same product or same solution we provide. I had experience when a client had a big fight for almost a week to get his MacPro replaced stating DVD burner is slow and guess what when we gave him new one he is like "So all the Mac Pro burn same speed , Hmmm , didn't know that" I had a client he planned to source his friend as IT contractor and when his CEO approves us , trust me each and every installation and items we delivered to him had issue and he he fiddled with the configurations. Anyways as you told we have to motivate ourself and take break as and when needed or we will phase out quickly.

Eli, thanks a lot!

Thank you.

thank u for being real my brotha

Some real world shit right there. Even the prospect of 'not being able to fail' or 'not being able to switch off' is enough to invoke depression in most folks. I've worked a variety of professions and being a top level Sysadmin is the hardest by a mile. And this is coming from a guy who'll still throw a punch with a broken arm.

When the mind stops knowing how to bother with the self, the person who panics a bit and reaches out to someone, or buys something for a new hobby, whatever needed to get happy, when you get an essential idea to fight it I mean, he/she will avoid getting worse. 2 things -know to bother, know to panic if you stop bothering.

I have this depression in the IT profession, as I am the only one dancing when I have just overcome a great obstacle in the IT world. No one seems to understand your insanity. Except that I know I want to install networks again, and can not breath without doing so. It is just the joy of networking in excellence.

Thank you

Top job mate!

Sometimes it is a good release to just toss a wrench into a smooth-running process just to force more complex thinking.

When i played poker there were times where the expectations to perform became so overwhelming that it became an emotional / mental drain... Even during winning months. This lead to me taking much needed sanity-breaks for extended peroids of time to get out of the muck (no pun intended) and find the motivation on the other side. Fast forward to age 30, w/ the years of the poker boom behind me and nothing but a it of savings, retail experience and a stale hs diploma, i decided that full-time (as in year round) employment might not even be possible. IT sounds appealing. Taking on projects w/ a team, then doing freelance work... I've gotten a lot closer to finding the right profession (it in a contractor role) and lifestyle the last few years of traveling , taking personal risks. if i can add or reitterate anything from this vid, it is to take accountability for the things you can control. I also have add as well (never diagnosed but my brother had it and my dad showed symptoms) as anxiety / depression (was dx'd at 17).. why wait any longer to imporove my life?

I agree press pause from time to time.

i do same job, i completely agree with you, our job and life go together, it s sunday but i m thinking how to plan backups for a company and at same time i wont break policy entering the server remotely but at same time i cant do the backup while ppl are working and sooooo stressss :-D i press "pause" for today!

The analogy I use when talking to "normal" people is having a wet blanket on my brain, there is no inspiration, no thoughts, no desire to actually do anything other than just sit and just be entertained

Good points

You are the best Eli!

I have been depressed quite a bit lately, but I think part of it is the long hours. Even hitting 45 hours a week I start getting a little crazy. I can make a streach to hit a goal, or finish a project so I don't have to think about it the next day, but I don't want to devote my life to someone else's property.

This is very important topic. I been programming for 10 years now, and I start to feel a bit like that ! I need some motivation or something...

Good suggestion

I am currently dealing with severe depression, and I have been stuck in some kind of cycle of complete apathy for months now. Which is completely incompatible with being self-employed, like I am currently trying to do. Thanks for the advice.

That took guts Eli. Kudos. I hope you are feeling back to yourself soon.

If modern day geeks were all crammed into one human body, Eli would be the resulting life form. Seriously man, you help in more ways than one. Love watching your videos, and if you EVER come to Ohio, more specifically the Akron area, believe that I'll be the one fighting to the front of the line. Enjoy your time off Eli, you absolutely deserve it.

Spot on video.

Things will get better sir just keep you're head up and we all love you and here for you (nomo) ... :)

wonderful man thanksl

Doc. Eli, Tanks Doc !

Soo, this made me motivated enough to go outside and walk around a nearby lake. So I did it, only to find out that I dropped my phone on the way and I couldnt find my phone after around 3 hours, so now I just bash myself over it. .. . . I went home, went to bed in hopes to be able to be more clear in the head the day after to go find it. Around 2 inches snow came while I was asleep. Yeahh.. Doubt I'll see that phone again. Don't have the IMEI or anything.. The brightside, it is supposed to be waterproof. The con-side, it doesnt have a camera lens, making it.. non water-proof. Kill me anyone?

When my dog died & a month later I broke up with my boyfriend I went though probaly the worst depression in my life. The only thing that helped me to keep sain & recover was my job. The second thing was my hobbie, collecting & restoreing vintage computers. I come home from work & restore vintage computers, work I spend messing with computers. Life is never really about any of the highs, it is all about how we recover from the shit & build something better.

Looked for this topic everywhere couldnt find anything! Please do an update vid for covid and this new world! How do you think the "untouchable" tech world will fare? How about newbies getting into Tech in the 2020-2021 year?