Communication Professor Reacts to Tom Cruise Interview on 60 Minutes 

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“It’s better to communicate your boundaries imperfectly than to let people walk all over you.” 👏🏽

"Put your manners back in." Love it. I'll be sure to use that one when someone crosses my boundaries.

I loved how Tom Cruise placed boundaries. Celeb or not he is human and stood up for himself.

My biggest takeaway from this analysis is that when someone makes you feel uncomfortable you are not obligated to make that person feel comfortable. I wish I had learned this so long ago especially when I was in my teens and 20's. Not just to know about it but to actually have opportunities to practice the skill of calling people out on their misbehaviour and crossing of boundaries. I'm not sure about boys and young men but girls and young women are definitely taught to make everyone else feel comfortable over their self, well being, and personal boundaries. We are generally the mothers and the caregivers. Hopefully, the younger generations are learning that it is necessary to set boundaries and to call people out when they are being disrespectful and crossing personal boundaries, and to do it with ease and confidence. Even better is if it became socially unacceptable to disrespect other people and their boundaries. People need to be held accountable for their misbehaviour.

I'm no fan of TC but I respect him for not taking this nonsense from the interviewer.

I appreciate Tom's honesty. Also, he's there to promote a movie not do an autobiography.

The interviewer knew what he was doing, got called out and then tried to push it. Tom was in the right and he even gave the interviewer plenty of chances to redirect.

I thought Tom Cruise handled the whole thing pretty well. He came across as a fair-minded and well grounded and reasonable guy, but also one who won't put up with garbage. I'd give him 9 out of 10 for that.

The fact that they edited it with voice-overs and claimed he "had a temper" just shows the interviewer was trying to antagonise Tom to get a response out of him. What an infuriating person lol

Even if Tom said, "Oh come on I don't feel comfortable talking about my ex-wife..." I believe 60 Minutes would grab and twist that as far as possible, since they've already demonstrated their willingness to disregard social propriety in favor of getting the sound bite. e.g. "Tom Cruise is uncomfortable talking about Nicole Kidman." Or "Tom Cruise is uncomfortable with his failed marriage." The one thing Tom is very, very careful about is avoiding making statements that can be taken out of context.

Tom is a master in eye contact…in every situation

Tom’s first signal to Peter was asking him “Do you have children?”, after Peter asserted Tom had a bad childhood and suggested it might affect his parenting. That’s already quite rude and personal before even getting to the Nicole questions. Tom was clearly already seeing the warning signs and sent a gentle signal, but Peter answers his question, and so Tom tries to be gracious and lets it go. But Peter was not deterred, and kept digging, so Tom became more assertive

"Why do you ask?" is my favorite thing way to answer a question I don't wanna answer...

Loved when he said "put your manners back in" like he is talking to a naughty child. He cant say Nicole was the love of his life (even if he thinks she is) he wants to re marry - he is trying to be open and respect his future wife. Go Tom

I really appreciated this - thank you!! I'm a young housewife without kids and far too often get asked "how can you afford that?" and other (usually financial) inappropriate questions. Too many times I've gotten caught up in divulging too much to be polite or keep things comfortable (for them!). I really appreciated you saying it's not my job to make others comfortable if they made me uncomfortable first. It's nice to hear that permission. I'm not solely responsible for making things un-awkward 🙏 Thank you.

“Put your manners back in” is such a baller line 😂 I’m not a huge TC fan, but he did well in this interview. He absolutely did NOT fly off the handle, and the interviewer WAS over the line. When people try to turn promotional interviews I to hard-hitting bio pieces, I think the interviewee is totally justified in shutting that down.

I've found silence to be very effective when dealing with negative behavior. I don't answer right away, and I don't let them push me into conversation if I'm not into it. I've recently learned that I'm not responsible for making someone else comfortable. It's wrong to be rude, but if you're dealing with someone who is trying to run over your boundaries, it's not your problem that they're upset (they don't care that they're upsetting you!).

My favorite thing about Tom’s reaction is that he never raised his voice once. He drew his boundary and kept a calm voice communicating that without being threatening z

Tom is a professional by every means. I am lucky enough to have met him personally couple times and he has always been nothing but professional. Love how he handled the situation 👏

I think Tom Cruise has some seriously weird worldviews, BUT I think he is an awesome man. Whenever I see him interviewed he is truly a gentleman. I've seen him on shows like the Graham Norton Show, and even though he is one of the most powerful men in Hollywood, he is respectful and shines the light on other people in the interview, focusing on them and putting the attention on them. People concentrate on things like 'jumping on couches' and 'losing it in the 60 minutes interview' almost as if to say that's his normal behaviour. It's not. Not by a long shot. Give the man his due.

Im in Australia. I remember our despicable media trying to make him look like a massive arse hole after this. I hate the media

Tom handled it well and remember alot of the setup occurred before the interview so you're almost prepped to fly off the handle. Considering that he really reacted with more restraint than most people.

This was great! My favorite part is when Tom says Peter you want to know… not people … you. Lol 😆 He was definitely stepping over the line.

Tom said it well when he said " Nobody is normal and everyone has a story". I think this was his way of saying everyone has flaws and no one is perfect, and therefore no one has a right to judge as if they're better. I feel this was his way of a precursor, knowing the direction the conversation was likely going to go. He showed good restraint even towards the end.

Tom Cruise is the personification of intense.

Assertiveness is sexy. I respect Tom Cruise's ability to speak up when someone is being rude and disrespecting his boundaries. He gave every visual cue in an escalating manner without getting rude himself. Tom is a very ambitious man and takes his craft and other people seriously so I can understand how he wouldn't appreciate this interviewers approach. No one would. Imagine if this interview represented a different industry. Can you imagine? Very unprofessional. Tom is a man who has expressed how much he loves collaboration in the film industry. He clearly enjoys people and teamwork is very important to him. So I can understand how he would become confrontational as his boundaries were further being pushed ( disrespected) after expressing his boundaries already several times. The interviewer wasn't listening so Tom had to be firm and nip this disrespect of boundaries in the bud. I believe that Tom has very good communication skills and he did take control of this interview, and graciously for both parties, turned it around with humour. I don't enjoy an interviewer whose goal is to trigger an angry response with pressure. That's ill intent. It is unnerving, uncomfortable, and disrespectful to the viewer as well. Not just because it feels bad to watch someone be to watch someone be disrespected but because the viewer is then denied what could be a really wonderful conversation. I enjoy interviews that genuinely create trust, respect, facilitate a safe space for openness, and that create a mutually enjoyable conversation for both people. Time is so precious. Why create a bad experience when one can easily create a good and positively memorable one.

I love your positive tone and how you broke everything down so nicely. I love how despite the content the focus was communication. Thank you so much I learned a lot. I cannot word enough how good this video was

Lolllll I was going to comment that I love the way Tom uses people’s names when he gets miffed 😂

I'm actually really surprised that Tom handled himself properly. Thank you for sharing this clip with us; it gives me many ideas about how to handle upcoming potential conflicts. I only watched halfway through because I thought the interviewer was quite cringey, but I continue to enjoy your content, Alex. Thanks again.

I find Tom’s take on his children’s upbringing as surprisingly wise for a rich and famous person. I like how Tom isn’t afraid to just call someone by their first name when they start blathering with excuses. I want to try that. Being in the interviewers position, I always like to hedge my personal questions with something along the lines of, “if you don’t mind me asking”, or “I totally get if this is too personal….” Because it gives the other person a more easy and comfortable out. I also don’t sit down and interrogate people though

Excellent analysis Alex . Your kind and wise approach to explaining all the nuances in these communications are very helpful . Keep up the good work ! I’m learning so much .

Alex, long time no hear. Thank God YT showed me this video in my feed. Excellent work as usual. Still, Dolly Parton video is my absolute favorite. I watched it with my therapist and she explained some additional points from the video. I catch myself thinking what would Dolly say in a certain situation. Thank you for your diligence and perseverance. Greetings from Zagreb, Croatia!

Tom Cruise didn’t realize Old School manners were changing. Back in the 1960s-1970s people use to understand boundaries.

Peter overton is trying to get a gotcha moment with Tom, virtually hunting Tom, for a big TV moment, a big scoop, this is not a conversation based on honesty. Tom is so right.

I love watching body language and communication videos because the more I watch the more it solidifies my own personal understanding of social interaction.

Tom: Peter, take the responsibility of what you wanna know Peter:🤔

Brilliant commentary. Thank you for the analysis, you broke it down really well, and thanks for the added tips. I am a recovering doormat, and love these types of videos as it gives me tools to be more assertive when needed.

Wonderful presentation and incredibly enjoyable. Thank you for not just pausing the clip every few seconds, then talk for a few, and then resume. Great job!

I’m glad that you mentioned him using the person’s name. I have noticed that with Tom. I also catch myself doing that with my husband when he has pushed my buttons 😂

I just found your channel and I’m hooked. I really like the way you discuss things and explain things. Thank you. Binge watching videos now. 👍💯

I think Alex did a great job reviewing this interview from a communications point of view. However, what I find even more fascinating - is that whatever you think of Scientology - but here in this interview you actually see Scientology at it's core. Tom is applying the teachings of Scientology. Take a close look at 4:07 and then read below: Early on in the interview Tom Cruise finds the interviewer (Peter) is what Scientology considers to be the anti social personality. Scientology teaches the anti social personality is seeking to make trouble for others. They don't want you to succeed in life and they try hard to portray you in a bad way. In this case, they (Tom and his team) never demanded Peter to follow a course or be forced at Scientology. They just asked him to go to a Scientology church and see what it's like with his own eyes. Early on in the interview, Tom corrects this with friendly words. You can see Peter (the interviewer) to change this perspective (as if he's demanded to go to Scientology). Tom corrects it. Peter admits it. If you are into scientology you basically see at 4.07 that Peter tells "people want to know". Scientology teaches that the anti social personality would often say these phrases. It does not come from other people, but from themselves. it's their opinion. Anti social personalities often talk in broad generalities. “Everyone knows...” and such expressions are in continual use, particularly when imparting rumor. When asked, “Who is everybody...” it normally turns out to be one source and from this source the antisocial person has manufactured what he or she pretends is the whole opinion of the whole society. This is why it's so fascinating to see Tom Cruise actually correcting Peter by saying: "it's not what everyone wants to know, but it's what you want to know..." Scientology believes that such a person deals mainly in bad news, critical or hostile remarks, invalidation and general suppression. It is notable that there is no good news or complimentary remark passed on by such a person. The antisocial personality alters, to worsen, communication when he or she relays a message or news. Good news is stopped and only bad news, often embellished, is passed along. Now read the teachings of Scientology regarding anti social personalities (suppressive persons), watch the entire interview which can we found on RU-vid and see Tom Cruise respond. And again, what ever you may think of it, Tom applies the rules of Scientology on this person. He seemed to be super alert on this interviewer. Whatever you think of Scientology it's all up to you. I'm just explaining my point of view. With regards to my English: it's not my first language. I'm Dutch.

You’re really a great communication coach! And, God bless you too.

“people will cross your boundaries if you let them” - does this mean that i can NEVER ever just relax around other human beings? 🥺

Whatever you think of Cruise, he did great.

Hello, Mr. Alex Lyon 👋 Thank you for bringing up communication examples using celebrity interviews. This is very interesting! Please show more about this. If you have the opportunity, you may well bring up the subject - body language. Kind regards from🌹 Pia Sweden/Gothenburg

“It’s better to communicate your boundaries imperfectly than to let people walk all over you.” Thank you. I DID this at my work with a colleague who was bothering me one day and he never talked to me again.

Much respect for TC in this interview.

Keeping it light and maintaining a smile throughout conflict and/or crossed boundaries! What a great lesson!

He dominating people around him by his charismatic even when he not talking and he effortless That is alpha/king charisma , he is strong eye contact , great smooth voice , handsome face

i salute tom’s thoughts on there’s no such thing as ‘normal’, absolutely each is unique

Excellent analysis, very insightful to my life. Much appreciation Alex!❤

Ive seen other celebrities handle this situation by pointing out to the interviewer the fact that the interview is about the topic at hand(eg , the movie , the book , etc that the celebrity is selling at the time.) But I believe at the time of THIS interview , that kind of rebuttal could have been seen as very rude. And also , Im sure that Cruise , to his credit , is keenly aware that his fans are interested in his life in general and probanly wants to both be polite to his fans and the journalist. But I totally agree with your conclusions. Good job.

Tom easily could have said “Nobody wants to hear about that. We’re here to discuss my movie and the performances in that movie and you’re doing a disservice asking about my personal life.” Tom was probably jet lagged and didn’t have patience to deal with the tomfoolery

First time I’ve listened to your commentary Dr Lyon. Thank you. With your examples, Parton and Cruise, you’ve shown me a better way to communicate. I’m often aggressive rather than assertive and want5odo better.

Wow, this is my new favorite channel. I always considered myself a great communicator, but I can easily learn a few things from this channel. Gotta sub!

I don't know if you missed anything or not but I admire Tom's assertiveness. Too many times I have wished I could respond like he does to people who are out of their lane. Great video, thank you.

You did a great job breaking it down.. As for Tom or anyone confronted with uncomfortable questions, there's a quick remedy for aggressive dialog, immediately set boundaries, tell the antagonist to move to a a different question or suggest a topic that you'd rather talk about.. I usually prompt the interviewer with a rhetorical question, which gives one a moment to re- compose oneself .. it's easier for a seasoned communicator to change up on the fly... nice job coach..

These videos are so helpful. Especially with co-workers. Thank you

The end of the interview is legendary, where Tom asserts that the interview was excellent, and the Peter just had to be corrected :)

I have seen this interview multiple times over the years usually attached to a clip regarding lists of celebs flying off the wall in interviews etc . I've also always agreed with the interviewer that Tom was some crazy lunatic just because he's trying to protect his personal life and family and stick up for himself. Honestly, I think it did have a lot to do with how 60 Minutes framed this with the voice overs and editing. After just finishing watching it again I can say I have completely changed my mind and do think that Peter was being a total ASSH*LE by not caring about his interviewee and how clearly uncomfortable Tom was feeling.

I bet this ability to maintain control, set boundaries, and keep people accountable for their actions without escalation also gives him an excellent parenting style with his kids. I like the way he smiled and said they were good people and that he was proud of them. There wasn't any sense of ownership or self congratulation. He just seemed genuinely in awe of who they are becoming.

I needed this two weeks ago. Thank you for sharing!

I appreciate this breakdown so much I had believed what the edits wanted me to believe.

Great advice, I wish I can put this on practice. I've lost some friendships because they have crossed boundaries and I let it scalate. I was resentful and claimed too late for respect but the other part saw things differently, didn't acknowledge the disrespect and the friendship was broken, I think because I didn´t put things straight right in the moment

This is the second video I watched that you produced. I find them excellent. You explain your evaluations clearly and use effective illustrations from the material you are evaluating. Thank you.

I really like your take on this. I really appreciate your insight on handling uncomfortable questions

This is RU-vid gold to me. I thought I sucked at confrontations but now I see I suck at assertiveness and showing boundaries.

Love your insight! I imagine Tom's publicist gave the interviewer some topics that were off limits and the interviewer ignored them. Also, when Tom was on that press tour for War of the Worlds, his future wife Katie Holmes accompanied him on many stops (Ophrah). Katie may have been right there so Tom would have been especially upset by the questions about Nicole.

I think what you missed was a better rebuke (examples) of what 60 minutes did. They should have been called out for how they portrayed Tom the way they did, shame on them. They added fuel to a teaching moment that turned it into a fire, not cool. Other than that your review of the interview was spot on, we all learned something from it so in that we thank you.

I love that Tom Cruise put him in his place. I respect people who are not afraid to politely voice their boundaries.

In Australia, we have a way to communicate this sentiment. It’s “NUNYAH” as in, “None of you’re F**King business”

While I liked it when Tom just straight up called Peter out and told him he was crossing the line, I found the start of this interview extremely awkward and weirdly subtly combative on Tom’s part. The questions weren’t serious, but he was flat/intense on every question, as if he was trying to low-key intimidate Peter from the start. He said Peter’s name in a way I would not consider friendly FAR before the questions stepped over the line. I don’t know if it was his body language or just the tone of his voice (or both), but I got subtle “domination” vibes from Tom the whole time, even when there was nothing to be defensive about. It was like he didn’t really want to be there. And maybe he didn’t. Maybe he was tired. Or ill. Or maybe he’s just tired of interviewers trying to take advantage of him, so he’s automatically on guard with all media personnel.

I like the honest feeling Tom is giving. I think he emulated exactly how I felt about the interviewers attitude and questions, And was a little surprised he didn't get up and walk out. But knowing what I know of Cruise through the media I know he cares deeply about his work and he cares deeply about the people who work for him. He does his best to put out an elite product and he loves life! For all that, I admire him. As far as how he handled the interview, in the eyes of say, Australians, he was too emotional. I do agree with his honest feeling but think... the kind of feelings I think Tom was having were basically like a spasm. Once you allow yourself to go to that place where you are offended, You experience a kind of spasm. One that lasts until you purposefully get a hold of your self or when enough time has passed. That said, I find some of the comments here trashy. I empathize with Cruise and what he has to deal with outside of his work. It's sad people don't realize how cowardly it is to sit at their keyboard and publish things about someone they would never have the gall to say to their face.

I never had much use for Tom Cruise as a person, though his work has always been impeccable. This interview is one of those things that caused me to shift to where I have real respect for him as a man, as an individual. Go Tom!

I am a big fan of Tom Cruise. He strives to be honest and professional. Great review of boundaries and communication.

Boy, I struggle with assertion. Can't wait to hear how bad I am at communicating my boundaries, lol

As we say in Jamaica “people dem too inna”. This is why I’ve mostly refused to do any interviews when asked over the past few years. Very few journalists know how to interview people without being intrusive, condescending and disrespectful.

Thank you! 🤗 This was very helpful. I like your videos.

The interviewer Peter Overton was Nicole Kidman's next-door neighbour growing up as a child / teenager in Sydney. He's well and truly crossing the line here and Tom Cruise showed a lot more class than I would have in this situation.

60 Minutes isn't a promotional program though... So the fact that Tom wasn't expecting that question (and I remember the interview in question), showed at the time just how unprepared Tom was for the program itself. I've seen people say comments like 'This guys a jerk' meaning the interviewer. But the thing is, he wasn't being a jerk. He was doing his job. I don't know what 60 Minutes is like in America, but before it got sold off to America it was one of the best hardcore Q&A interview programs on, on a Sunday night. The guy interviewing Tom, was KNOWN for not holding back on the tough questions and at the time, Tom wasn't much liked by Aussies after what he did to one of Australia's sweethearts Nicole Kidman.. I mean the guy wouldn't let her see their children... That's a really scary prospect thinking back on it. PS. Scientology isn't liked in Australia, so Toms connections to Scientology was a major red flag at the time given everything that was coming out about it.

I would pay money to see a review of press secretaries. Make it even, do a bit of both sides (Psaki vs McEnany) to keep everyone happy. Would absolutely pay to see that. Wish people could see the things unseen, to realize the depth of the situation; to understand what comprises series of words and how those are formulated by positions and thoughts. We take so much at surface level, and it does no one any good to be unaware. For example, two incredibly amazing footage sequences would be Doocy vs Psaki (her response), as compared to Acosta vs McEnany (her response). There is SO MUCH there. So much.

Excellent lesson! I'm a psychologist who teaches social skills to kids with Autism. Your comments are very insightful and helpful!

Tom Cruise is not only a phenomenal actor but also he won't let the media or people walk all over him. He's one of the few public figures who stands up for himself. Peter Overton kept pushing it. The kind of questions 60 minutes ask are the kind of questions to get under peoples skin. They have an agenda.

“Put your manners back in” 😂👏

He most certainly should set boundaries, but lets not play dumb: This was an interview for _60 Minutes..._ I'd agree if it was any other venue, but _60 Minutes_ is a very well known *establishment* by now, everyone knows they don't do fluff, they dig deep, past the superficial and superfluous. Going in Tom Cruise knew full well he wasn't doing a simple promo, that being _60 Minutes_ they would dig into his personal life, past or present. Also, there's a context to this short segment from the interview and to this Tom Cruise's fake "assertiveness": prior to this part Overton dug into the topic of scientology... that was the real reason why Tom Cruise was defensive, and you can see that defensiveness coming out on the very first question in the trunc'ed segment: asking back "do you have children?". He had already taken offence, he was just searching for a reason to lash out after the scientology inquiry part of the interview. It was the exact same thing with Matt Lauer that same year: scientology topic was brought up, the interview soured, and again, just like in this interview (that you only show a bit), Tom didn't immediately lash out when scientology came up (although the stress was clear), he lashed out right after with the Brooke Shields' Ritalin segway and used that excuse to go after Matt Lauer. Pattern's pretty obvious then, and given what we know now about scientology it's all too clear why he did it...

Tom was right in this interview and in the Matt's interview!!! *Tom was 100% right*

6:11 "If they've crossed your boundaries and made you feel uncomfortable, you have no obligation to make sure they feel comfortable". This pretty much sums it up. Sometimes we take the right of others to feel comfortable for granted while we forget that we have that right too. We feel we're being rude when we set boundaries but what we are is being fair.

The only thing I personally think Tom shouldn't have done/said was the "put your manners back in". That's how you speak to a young child. If he needed to address it to that extent he could have changed his wording to something like "I'm letting you know you crossed a line, but that doesn't mean we can't continue with our polite conversation", to show he meant what he had said, while acknowledging things were fine prior to that one moment, & being willing to move on from the low point in an otherwise light hearted conversation.

Thank you so much for the analysis and breakdown of this interview of Tom Cruise. I watched the video of the original interview before finding this one. I watched it because a lot of people framed it as Tom’s “Scientology was coming through” with him wanting to control everything/everyone. I’m not a proponent of Scientology nor am I a big Tom Cruise fan. He may or may not be controlling, I don’t know. However, I was most definitely on Tom’s side with this interview. The interviewer was getting more and more personal without having established any trust with Tom to be so. Additionally, he did not discuss the movie Tom was there to promote at all. Maybe he was put off because he was required to go through a Scientology session prior to the interview with Tom, but that’s not an excuse for his line of questions. Him bringing up Nicole to Tom, their kids, their relationship, breakup, etc., was not clever - trying to be cheeky with that “love of your life” question was ridiculous and completely inappropriate. This interview reminds me of the one that Robert Downey Jr went through when the interviewer skipped asking about the movie RDJ was promoting and went after his past drug abuse and past lifestyle. Irrelevant. I’m glad how I saw this interview is same as you!

Great video. I'm an Australian and I remember this interview on TV in Australia like it was yesterday. I was on Tom Cruise's side, too. That interview was typical of Australian 60 Minutes journalists: always trying to make mountains out of molehills and then spin it in a mean-spirited way.

This stuff is so helpful! Thank you for sharing!!! I shall subscribe now.

New to this channel. The host is so smooth and consistent. I like it.

Yes, as has been touched upon slightly, it is almost certain that Tom's publicist went over the acceptable parameters for the interview as is almost always the case. These boundaries would be set bybthe artist and agreement from the interviewer would have been required by the celebrity's staff prior to their agreement to agreeing to accept the interview. This fact is confirmed when Tom states plainly "You crossed a line and you KNOW you did." This point also addresses one ofnyour final thoughts in which you suggest Tom communicate his boundaries earlier. While this may be valuable guidance to apply when an agreement is not already in place before the conversation starts. However, such was all but certainly not the case in this situation and the same is true for the rare interview in which the subject simply walks away. Once a line is crossed or an agreement broken, all bets are off and no obligation for courtesy is required by the subject.

Thank you for these suggestions. I'm going to see if I can figure out how to apply this to a texting situation when body language and communication can be trickier.

Good segment highlighting assertiveness and effective communication. Respect, getting consent to agreeing in addressing or asking specific questions should be there from the emcee. And coolness in responding. I respect the way Tom Cruise brought himself in a respectful way. Advice? Excuse me??

I have no ideia why Cruise felt so offended, it is clearly a very innocent question, normal gossiping.

I get the feeling Tom has been taught how to react to an interviewer who steps over the line. He seems to have been coached, and that's good, because he's a celebrity and must often be asked these types of personal questions. I wish I had known to say that when repeatedly asked by men "do you own or rent?" I should have said, why do you want to know? Throw the personal question back at the questioner.

I like how Tom drew a line and never backed down.

I have always viewed this clip negatively but your point of view was interesting and made me reconsider. Thx for stretching my boundaries