How to Get Somebody to Stop Interrupting You with 4 Simple Tips (and get your talking turn back) 

I had an interrupter cut me off, he assumed he knew what I was saying, and came off with anger, aggression, and insolence because he had completely not heard me out. He was a manager interviewing me for employment. He completely railroaded me and he couldn't contain himself. Then he immediately concluded the interview without ever giving me an opportunity to speak. I was stunned and appalled. This was NOT someone I would want to work with.

Yea,that is what I do...

The "chronic interrupter" is suffering from pressured speech. It is biologically driven. Those of us who have pressured speech are painfully aware of how obnoxious we are. The more we want to stop, the more difficult it is to do so. It is a common feature of bipolar. My medications helped me to manage this. Now, if my speech becomes pressured, I know that it is a sign that I am becoming hypomanic.

@@KarePassion Sometimes that may be true. Mostly they don't care what the other person is saying and they're just rude.

@@christineribone9351, be wary of conclusions that include the word “just“…

Right there with you. I stop. I really hate it when they insert their meaning into what I am trying to say (which doesn't match what I was trying to communicate at all).

The problem is that person is my husband.

Conversations over Zoom are a nightmare precisely for this reason. I react exactly as you do but I get frustrated whenever I can't even tell who was talking over me. I just ask to the group and allow for interruption/response then I try to resume my explanation.

@@jennywilson32 LOL - that does make walking away a little more complicated now, doesn't it?

@@Lynn-kh5rs In that case, if I'm feeling particularly feisty I'll say, "No. Would you like to continue guessing or would you like me to finish?" Then, of course, I'm the jerk.

With really good friends, you can even say, when interrupted : "Wait please, I just have a little more to tell you." and they will understand.

❤

Well I hope you are putting this into practice. Cos people like you are painful.

It is hard, especially with ADHD. Good for you to try

God, I’m watching this to help me stop interrupting, knowing that I’ve tried my whole life and adhd just will take over sometimes

A visual person, as opposed to an auditory or kinesthetic person will be the fastest talker and is usually the prime interuptor. As the world has become enslaved by technology ie computers, mobile phones, laptops which are all primarily visually stimulating, the visuals have become so wired, so much so that at times it's like listening to a machine gun. This is also why so many people now are reactive instead of proactive. What a diseased world this has become. Use all these Shackles less.

" A visual person" ~I would not have thought of that. Opening eyes removes shackles

😸

I like this one..much classier than the aggression of swearing at them, especially in the presence of other people.

🤣

@C. Clay I know what you’re talking about because my husband interrupts me all the time. My sons have actually stopped him a couple of times to say “Dad, you’re interrupting mom”. This has shocked him, but it hasn’t stopped him.. 😮

“oh! i’m sorry! did i interrupt the beginning of your sentence with the middle of mine?” lol!

My mom would stop talking and when i started to respond, she would yell at me for interrupting. 🤣

I feel you

I feel you, my mother is a HABITUAL chronic interruptor. Like I only get 3 to 4 words into a sentence and then she interrupts, talks over me and most frustrating, she jumps to a conclusion about what my message or thought is

I like that! That’s a subtle (and simultaneously pointed) way to communicate to the interrupter that someone was in the middle of saying something, and reassures the interrupted person that their voice matters. Love it!

😅🤣😂

I came here to say that very phrase! Works every time. ‘Nicely’ is overrated!

😂 Chronic over talkers are usually rude narcissists

This is accurate! 🌟 when I get talkative I encourage people to interrupt, saying please interrupt me

I came on the comments to say the same thing. Many times if we don't get out what we want to say, we forget it so quickly because of our terrible memories due to poor executive functions, hence we interrupt so we don't forget what we wanted to add to the conversation. Ugh, so frustrating! She also called it being narcissistic when people keep talking and don't look at the other person, and that is not accurate. A lot of people with autism and ADHD have trouble looking people in the eyes, so we don't pick up on those cues from people when they're trying to let us know they want to speak. Edit: I just wanted to clarify that I mistakenly thought she was saying that people who talk a lot are narcissistic. I understand now after another commentor brought it to my attention, that she said there are narcissists who talk a lot and it can be difficult to deal with them and get them to stop, but then there are "dreamers" who talk a lot and look all over the place except in the other person's eyes, that you can use the technique of touching them to let them know you want to speak. Sorry about the confusion on my part... did I mention people with ADHD have problems with processing incoming information...? =/ Eek. Well, at least I can admit when I make a mistake.

@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane I agree with you. It's a narrow view to say it's narcissism. Anxiety can also be a factor in not picking up cues.Also, there are cultures in which it is highly disrespectful to stare someone in the eyes

@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane ADHD, and also autism.

Great idea!

I’m so glad you had that pat. Beautiful

I'm sorry for your loss.

She sounds like a wonderful person who really cared about you. I’m really sorry she is no longer with you.

@@nancyellen8006 thank you. When I said that "I really miss that loving pat", it had a double meaning. Her name was Pat. God is good. He is my sufficiency.

I think people are too sensitive to honestly put ideas. You have emotions and they come out. I'm the same, I express my heart and sometimes my ideas come out hot from the forge.

Your uncle's a stud get over it

Are we related lol

Do we share family??? LOL 😆 j/k a little 😳😅

Your talking about my husband

The man I love is this way. I have talked to him about this and he said " talk over me jump in". You would not believe the amount of times I've tried with no luck. He even try's to tell me that his mother was the worst person in the world for never letting another human talk!

Agreed. I thought this was about trying to keep people from interrupting you while you're speaking. Personally I just keep talking if someone starts talking while I'm talking. My time is literally money, so I truly hate people interrupting me.

Also with scenarios with your boss.

@@RachelLWolfe Exactly. It's false advertising.

Exactly. Misnamed video.

Thanks for pointing that out!

I know what you mean! My husband and I frequent a coffee shop where over the years other regulars have approached us, talked on and on about their lives, and then walked away. We just look at each other and laugh at the fact that we know so much about these people and they know literally nothing about us. It makes me so angry sometimes that I just start ignoring them and go back to my book as they're still talking. My husband is a bit more patient than I am so he suffers through until the end :)

My father was terrible for this, and so is my husband. In both cases, it usually stems from social anxiety. They don't know how to have a back-and-forth conversation, so it becomes an endless monologue. We always said my dad must inhale through his anus because he never seemed to pause to take a breath while speaking! For example, my dad once trapped someone he'd just met by talking for 45 minutes about grocery deli pizzas.

@@armedwithjello could be a temporal lobe injury ?

@@armedwithjello Inhale through his anus! 😆 That's a good one!

How sad that has to happen. It might be a gift to be honest that she does that.

Yup lol

Yes! Same problem here sometimes! They can go on & on with detailed stories about people I don't even know, yet when I'm talking I feel like I better summarize and hurry up with my story. One particular person actually looks anxious, tapping or nodding briskly like a kid who has to go pee, lol! I can see she's just waiting for her turn and not even listening. One time I was at a little party of about 5-6 other people and I just decided to check out and stop trying... they were blabbering over each other, not even listening to each other (all interrupters, maybe? lol) and I actually thought, "I'd rather be home cleaning my toilet", lol... or doing something productive!

I know what you mean about interesting interactions with your cat :)

Hi Melissa. I've seen things like that happen many times. Some people need basic communication skills training like how to listen, take shorter talking turns, ask questions (rather than only talk "at" people), etc. I'm always a little shocked (though I shouldn't be) about how many people don't really think about how they communicate and have almost no self-awareness about how they come across.

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Thank you for ur tips. People are forever talking over me and now I have ways to get these peoples attention without getting angry 😀

@John Smith That's a good *explanation* of a person coming from such a background. That's not an excuse though. Everyone has a personal responsibility to improve their own communication skills, and not expect others to match his/her communication style. Even financially independent people need real friends to enjoy a fulfilling life. Friends should not be expected to be anyone's therapist with endless patience and forgiveness.

@John Smith Perhaps your comment indicates your background. Life is big enough for a variety of choices people make, so if you don't need friends, that's your choice. My experience is that life is just more fun when shared with good friends, but I also understand that other people may have a different experience. Joy and money are only related to a point. After that it's all about successful navigation of satisfying relationships. As a wise man said, "magna vitae, memento mori." What exactly can we take with us? A meaning of life is a subjective decision, I believe, and our priorities are similarly reflected in what and how we invest ourselves.

I am known to simply say "if you want to ask me a question, I want you to listen to my answer. If you don't want to hear my answer I don't need to hear another question from you. Hopefully you will understand this." I've said this in every language that I speak (I'm a Eurabian), to managers, staff and journalists, and if I do it with my friendliest smile and softest Dolly Parton voice, it never comes across as aggressive or assertive but as simply stating the obvious.

@@ixlnxs Wonderful! It is pure truth and fairness. There's no good faith basis for contesting that. Perfectly resets the dynamic to the good place it should be. Thanks for sharing. 😀

Walking away can be a pretty good solution! Wordless, efficient, gets you the result you need.

That often means that you weren't telling him what he wanted to hear. Even if your answer was accurate, he may have just wanted to keep you from saying it.

@@AcmeRacing In my experience, when you're not giving the answer someone wants, they will often either ask again as though they hadn't just asked, or insist that you didn't understand the question. I like your perspective!

Yes, I stick to fellow interrupters.

Just don’t see the importance of getting your "opinions in"; so what, big deal if one doesn’t. In my experience those who love to interrupt or always talk over you rarely contribute anything of consequence.

@@LoveFaithLive sometimes YOU just need to say something important!

Wow you just said everything I wish I could of Yes I get the two interupters thing.... I grew up in a family like this and it was easy and no hard feelings

@@PresAdams-bz2ep And feel like you are joining in with enthusiasm! If I'm silent I hate you.😉

An older friend of mine once told me "Time is the coin of your life. Don't let other people spend it for you". So true! As soon as I realize that I'm talking to a self-centered bore who won't let me get a word in edgewise, I end the monologue and walk away. People who drone on and on and constantly interrupt only want to hear themselves, so why let them waste my time?

I find I desperately want to interrupt when someone is blatantly lying or getting the facts confused. So I hold up just one finger to let them know I have something to say. So is there a right TIME to interrupt when you KNOW what's being said is untrue or misunderstood without starting an argument?

One of my pet peeves is when people monopolize conversations. Grrrr

Stupid people talk the MOST!

Yes! It's often really hard to continue talking but it is powerful if you can get to the end of your thought without stopping.

@@alexanderlyon I'm older now - took me years to get that ability!

I do that too in a group setting. I don't give up the floor mid-sentence. I'm a woman, so this didn't come naturally.

😂🤣😂 Love it!!!

It can actually be very funny if someone's interrupting you and you just say "interrupting me interrupting me interrupting me" until they stop talking lol. Works well in a group.

@@bocelott brilliant!

I find it effective if you're getting interrupted in a very small group of people you like (i.e., family rather than a work meeting) to just start over from the beginning every time you get interrupted. And then eventually someone says "you already said that" at which point you can say "yes, but I haven't yet managed to finish."

You can go completely silent and say, “Go ahead”. That guilts the interrupter into shutting up.

How did it work with your husband then?

So, you know Linda too?😉

If she's a best friend, maybe you can talk about these conversation habits. You might negotiate giving her a signal or directly telling her when she is interrupting. E g., saying "can I finish my thought?"

@@njcanuck I was just sharing the story because I thought it was funny, but I actually love that suggestion, thank you! I reminded her of that conversation once and she gave an abashed laugh and apologized, so I think if I do as you advise in the future, it would definitely work. She doesn’t mean to be rude, my girl just had a LOT to say! 😂 Thank you for your input! 🙏🏾

@@mountaindolly2659 😂😂

I admit, some people can pull it off. But I find my relationship with these types will stay superficial.

That sounds frustrating!

@@alexanderlyon It's very frustrating. 😕 It's like I've lost a member of my family because I can't talk to them about certain things. 🤷‍♀️

I so completely identify. I actually solved this issue accidentally, by speaking "privately" to said family member's best friend. They (unauthorized) passed the message on and problem solved. NOT my way of choice, and it could have easily gone in a worse direction, but nonetheless, it did in this circumstance, work well.

So why even bother with them. Just cause They are family doesn't mean you have to like them. Feels weird when you 1st start to do it and X people out But after a while you realize its the most normal thing to do

Did you consider that perhaps you are monopolizing the conversation and they are using those pauses to get a word in, or that the subject you are rambling on about may not be interesting to them?

I've heard the same line from someone who's just interrupted me. She'll change direction to calling me rude for talking over her when she's interrupting me.

@@AcmeRacing The reply to that is: "Yeah? Well, I am SO SORRY that the middle of my sentences were interrupting the beginning of yours!" I think that's from Judge Marilyn Milian, but I've used it before.

@@waygoblue4729 you really shouldn't say that. Every single person who hears your comment will think you're a raging jerk. They will entirely forget the other person's much-lesser rudeness.

​@@LS-sg8rbActually, I've been applauded for it because where I've used it, it has been like this: Usually, the people like the ones described by Acme Racing (as one who 1.- rudely interrupts, then when I say, "Excuse me, I'm speaking" and 2. - has the audacity to call me rude for talking over him/her when he/she's the one interrupting me) are so well known to be the actual "raging jerk" in the room, that many people present want somebody to call their hand to it in some way. And, I've even been thanked afterward by people who were sick-and-tired of the rudeness described by Acme Racing - thanked for retorting in such a manner that it closed the mouths of said rude people. Now, some of this, I will admit, is possibly because I am in a small town where everybody knows everybody very well, but the person I learned the reply from (Judge Marilyn Milian) is quite cosmopolitan. I do believe, however, that it would be to one's benefit to be careful before using the comment I gave flippantly, and even when/if one decides to use this retort, much attention is to be given to tone of voice (level, quick, and steady instead of loud, overly enunciated and out of control) and eye contact (direct focus instead of widening the eye sockets and "popping out" the eyeballs). From what I've experienced, much in conversation depends on place, time, people, and circumstance.

She said these cues work for everyone BUT narcissists. (Because narcissists don't care about the other person enough to give them a chance to talk.)

Unfortunately, sometimes, as studying to become a counselor myself, you have to take over and I'm trying to learn do so. Because politeness quite often won't help me or my client. In professional conversation, we are among the worst.

I hear you, Theresa. I think what you're saying is only true for "the fish." This tip will not prevent them from talking but it will cut short their interruption and make room for you to resume your talking turn. However, the bookmark (raised hand), anchor touch, and preview tips can _all_ be used as you are still talking and the person is attempting to interrupt you. For example, you just raise your hand (i.e., "bookmark") as the start to speak to say nonverbally, "Hold on, I'm not done." And you continue to talk as you hold up the bookmark. In other words, the raised hand is not about you asking for permission to talk as much as it is like a stop sign. The bookmark (like the fish or anchor touch), of course, can also be used if you need to interrupt somebody politely and professionally because they won't let you into the conversation unless you send them a clear signal.

@@alexanderlyon Thank you for clarifying. Yes, the bookmark works well for teachers with eager students, I’ve seen that a lot. Any suggestions on how to turn the conversation back to the subject I was talking about after my friend interrupts me, other than the words, “Anyways……as I was saying…..”

Totally. I am disappointed in this video.

I have PTSD and now and again, I have problems with my memory, so when I have a thought during a conversation, if I don’t express it immediately, I can forget it completely. I’ve had discussions about this with friends. What I found has worked, is to put up my hand when they are speaking, apologize for interrupting and say “remind me tell you my thought when you’re finished talking”. Sometimes, I add a hint to my request in case I forget the thought completely by the time they have finished speaking. This has worked very well for me. When someone keeps interrupting me, I usually just stop talking. I refuse to compete with anyone for speaking time. I handle this differently when I’m teaching or the speaker for an event.

Haha thank you for this. And btw Im only 55 so it doesn't just relate to 70+

Yes, Vanessa has a way with words. Thanks for your encouragement.

Hi, Siward. Thanks for your encouragement.

@@alexanderlyon The video was brilliant! I have 2 chronic interupters in my life, one of whom I speak with on the phone. He just keeps talking and even when I'm shouting at the other end to say "Can I just say this?"and even saying his name, he still carries on like he can't even hear me. He knows he does it because he jokes at the end that I never let him get a word in edgeways! Do you have any tips on how to deal with a phone interupter? Many thanks!

Jane C: I refuse to take their calls. I literally instruct them to TEXT 🤣🤣🤣their intent. If that offends them, tough tits!

And 8:01

Me too. I'm aware that I do this. I always thought it was my social anxiety that makes me interrupt people. I don't want to be rude. It makes me ashamed afterward. when the other person seems to have made their point I speak, but oftentimes I later realize that they meant to go on. It is embarrassing.

How about you cuing your conversation partners by revealing your aphasia vs. expecting others to consider that their conversation partner may have tangential aphasia and should conduct themselves accordingly?

@@libertyfirst4083 I absolutely do this! How else would they know? There’s no outward sign of aphasia. It’s not like there’s a physical sign on one’s body that lets someone know they have aphasia. But once the person knows it is absolutely rude to try to shut down a conversation with someone who has aphasia. Once they know and decide to be rude that’s a fundamental problem for the one shutting down the conversation. That is not the fault of someone with aphasia.

@@shellyscholz1256 That's great and very considerate of you, Shelly. Once you have alerted someone to your aphasia and how they can help during conversation, it certainly is rude for that person to ignore your needs.

@@libertyfirst4083 When I rapidly switch topics because I have forgotten my original topic simply ask me to go back to the first topic. If I cannot get a word from my brain to my mouth I start defining the word, let’s say the word is truth, I might say the opposite of a lie. Simply tell me the word you think I’m looking for. As this affects many people I’ll give you a few tips. If I walk into a room three times, ask me what I’m looking for and then the item will stay in the memory bank long enough for me to go get the item. Since many people forget why they’re walking in a room and forgetting what they were looking for this works well with people who don’t have aphasia. And if no one is there ask yourself why you walked into the room. It works well. Do you often lose things like keys and you can’t put them in their spot because you’re not home, instead of placing them somewhere smack them down somewhere. People forget where keys are but they rarely forget slapping something onto a flat surface. I’m off topic (not surprisingly) but I hope you find some of our adaptive measures useful in your own life.

@@libertyfirst4083 Also I may ask you to repeat what I was just talking about so I can pickup where I left off or decide that I’ve conveyed the information and it is now another person’s turn to speak.

You got this!

I know someone like this. I wonder if it's almost a neurological thing.

I've noticed that my sister, who talks incessantly and dominates every conversation, whenever she needs to pause for a breath or to think about what to say next, will use a verbal sound to preclude anyone from taking that pause to speak. I'm going to start using these tips to see if I can get a word in. 🙂

@@Zzyzzyx I've noticed that people with poor "presentation" skills can often be in this situation. It takes them so long to get anything out that people (even usually patient people) think the speaker needs help to express what they want to say.

I'm so glad! Ha. I'd guess that most people who think about this topic wouldn't be narcissistic.

Thanks for sharing, Robert. The good news is that these are learnable. You're in the right place.

You’ve hit on my pet peeve. I’m like you…”Don’t waste my time! Please get to the point!”

Try staying with what they’re saying in the moment, listening, and being right there with them. What a gift! It is an amazing way to connect, & isn’t that the point?!

@@Find-Your-Bliss- I have always listened and tried to stay engaged because I am a polite person, but at my age after having so many waste my time because they love to hear themselves talk, I lose patience and just steer clear of certain ones.

Happy to help!

Hi, Kene. Agreed. Vanessa is great.

…. no room for a reply to your repetitive rant

Well said. Especially exasperated sighs don't help neurodivergant people.

Thank you so much for this useful input. I have saved your comment to read when I need help helping my mixed neurodivergent-neurotypical groups of students interact.

Thank you for your intelligent comment

Thanks, will do!

I have ADHD and that is absolutely true! Thank you for saying that so well! I do sometimes interrupt if I have something important to add to the conversation that I KNOW I'll forget if I have to wait for the other person to finish. Otherwise, I'm trying to keep it in my brain as I'm (not really) listening to what they're saying because our brains are terrible at that! Sometimes I wonder what people would think if I just said everything I'm thinking! Lol, our brains are constantly thinking about something and switching topics very quickly. It's like a constant internal conversation you can't shut off... very frustrating and exhausting!

I also have a focus and memory problem in language, but like math. So I’m excited to try the finger counting tip and see if it helps me to remember what I ‘Dl like to say and not fumble all over the place trying to pick up the points I wanted to say and concentrate on the words to choose👍🏼 If it starts to work, I’ll come back and to this reply😊

Many of us are afraid we're going to forget what WE want to say. But that might be like excusing the behavior of somone who says, "I'm in a hurry so get out of my way" and pushes through the line. Some people can't follow social cues, but I think it then becomes a question of whether or not each individual can deal with their mannerisms. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can't.

@@susie5254 It's not an excuse; it's trying to raise a little awareness and educate people as to *why* some people have a hard time communicating with others. The majority of people out there don't understand nor can they relate to what it's like to have executive function problems. This is a genetic problem having to do with chemicals in the brain we are unable to process like "normal" people can... we're really not trying to be immature a-holes, lol! I honestly can't think of an area of life it doesn't affect. It can be VERY difficult for people with ADHD to process incoming information (what YOU'RE saying plus all the other stimulus happening), and at the same time hold in their memory what they want to say long enough for a pause in the conversation to tell you, or harness one of the 50 other thoughts we're thinking. The thought can seriously be gone in as fast as a second or two... it happens to me multiple times a day. It doesn't mean I go blurting into every conversation with every thought that comes to mind, but it does mean that it happens *occasionally.* I don't feel like I interrupt people any more than they interrupt me, however. Neurotypical people may relate a little because it does happen to them sometimes, but not to the extent it does with us literally every waking moment of every day, year after year. I don't know if you can even image what that does to a person's self esteem, being so misunderstood for so many years. It affects friendships, love relationships, working relationships, etc. Our choices kind of boil down to these: 1. Take notes on what the other person is saying and what we want to say... gee, nobody would think we're weird or anything doing THAT in a normal conversation at work, home, or socializing... right?? 2. Interrupt... so we look like a jerk sometimes, 3. not say anything because we wouldn't remember it long enough to wait for a break in the conversation as we absorb what the other person is saying. Then we would feel like we aren't being heard, or feel like we're not contributing, and that we and our ideas are not important... meanwhile, when there is a break in the conversation, we're just standing there like a deer in headlights with nothing to say because it's been forgotten, so we look like idiots to others, when we're really not. (They think that Einstein and Leonardo da Vince had ADHD) 3. Hope that the moon and stars align and we get to say what we want to say right when we are thinking it and right when there's a pause in conversation to say it... LOVE when that happens!! 4. Hang around people that understand us... and that's what usually occurs eventually in an ADHD person's life... because everyone else sees us as childish, selfish, weird, loner, etc. because of a lack of UNDERSTANDING and maybe a little empathy that not everyone is the same.

Wow, so adhd makes rude behavior acceptable. The rest of the world does not understand your superior brains that move too fast for the rest of us slugs. Lol

I was raised that way too....and I think you are right, it is ingrained to feel annoyed.

Try carrying an air horn, and every time they interrupt you, let off a blast. They'll learn

@@rodschmidt8952 LOL You're funny, Rod. Yea. That's crossed my mind. "HEY!" I've actually raised my hand like someone asking permission to talk. It's a subtle reminder - the air horn is next. :)

Glad it was helpful!

We use a love tap when we really feel like strangling them!

Been there, done that. Life is too short to put up with that much disrespect.

Yap knw just how u feel 👍

I wish I could disengage, I can't its rude (just my opinion). I also cannot/will not say, "please let me finish". I am an introvert, but also am someone who hates details over inconsequential stuff. I don't give details nor can I understand why anyone wants to share these details.

Glad you enjoyed it, Carlo.

Great point!

Agree. My sister constantly interrupts me on the phone. Several times I just decided to keep talking rather than stop and let her interrupt - but she doesn't get it and we both end up talking at the same time which is ridiculous. My response now is to let her interrupt and when she's done, I start my last sentence all over again without commenting on what she said. It's not fun. I have asked her in the past to p!ease let me finish, and then she just shuts down like I'm the bad guy. Sigh.

@@kathyk2777 I have a friend exactly like that and I have done the same thing you have! I've even flat out told her "please stop interrupting me!" She stops for awhile, then it starts again... I have ADHD (executive function difficulties cause us to have problems retaining information temporarily while having to focus on something else needing our attention) and if I get interrupted I completely lose my train of thought, so this is especially frustrating for me.

Robyn Pulman- Yes, me too! I was in a phone conversation with a neighbor; I ended up talking so fast, I almost got dizzy! It was important new legal information, I found myself saying repeatedly: “Please, let me finish this, you need to know this … It affects you!” - to no avail. I even said to her: “Please… stop interrupting”” This went one for 10+ minutes; it felt like an hour. Kinda exasperating. 😵‍💫

@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLane Yes! I have this too where if people interrupt, I lose my train of thought. I have said to people when starting to talk, please let me just finish otherwise I lose my thread, but they sometimes still do it! 🤷‍♀️

Well, that can work. That's pretty direct and would clearly be helpful and necessary in some situations. These tips in the video aren't passive-aggressive, however, as you suggest. They are mostly nonverbal but they are 100% in the assertive communication column. In contrast, passive aggressive examples would be eye rolling, smirking, or throwing our hands in the air when we are interrupted. But back to your other point. I have said statements like "please stop interrupting me" a few times over the years when I mattered the most. It sort of worked but also caused some longer-term blow back. Still, I had to say it because it was no longer acceptable.

@@alexanderlyon I think our different positions could be cultural. I'm English, so I prefer honesty and forthrightness over goldfish imitations and hints. To me, these strategies display a lack of trust and an attempt to manipulate me, which I would resent. I called it passive-aggressive because Vanessa admitted she used the strategy to gain control of the conversation. However you look at it, deliberately attempting to gain control of a conversation is an aggressive manoeuvre and if you use covert rather than overt tactics to do so, it is passive, hence my conclusion it is a passive-aggressive strategy. I see no difference in terms of passive-aggressiveness between eye-rolling and somebody sticking their hand in my face with their mouth hanging open. I have met people who consider a conversation is delivering a long monologue with my only purpose being to initiate the conversation with the occasional starter and to listen to them, attentively. My approach may cause some offence but at least they actually know the reasons why and it is well within their power to remedy the situation should they choose to do so. In fact, it may ultimately have a positive effect on their other interactions if they use the experience to alter their habit of dominating the conversation.

@@Knapweed Many people prefer indirect correction, not blunt statements asking them to behave better. It is about letting someone save face and about not coming across as aggressive.

@@chimbob67 I understand the intent but I disagree with the outcome. Continually stamping over somebody and denying them the opportunity to respond is a very aggressive act, basically bullying. Most people know that bullies require direct intervention, not vague hints.

I appreciate that, CaliChaos.

I hear you Kim... It is so frustrating to respectfully wait your turn, or an eye cue, or something, and no one notices. Then I have to force myself to become an interrupter

I'm so sorry. This used to happen to me a lot (female in a male-dominated industry). But then I realized that most people can't interrupt you if you don't let them. (Some are obnoxious so this doesn't work 100%.) I will keep eye contact with the rest of the group and finish my sentence. Most interrupters are doing this unconsciously and will shut themselves up when they see they're being rude.

Many people are making a similar comment but let me paste a response I left on another one that I hope will clear it up. "The title is accurate. These tips work equally well for preventing somebody from interrupting as they do getting the talking turn back on your side. The next time somebody might be ready to interrupt you, use the preview, bookmark, and anchoring touch to prevent them from interrupting and you'll see what I mean. Those techniques will help you continue talking so the other person doesn't horn in and take over. They all say "I'm not done yet." Only the "fish" is exclusively handy when the other person has already taken over the conversation and you're trying to get the floor back."

I think that's an exaggeration, from my view. Either way, here are some qualifications that may add some depth. Face to face is very different from communicating over Zoom. There's a delay and it's hard to know when the person has stopped their talking turn entirely vs. they've just paused for a moment. When somebody pauses for a moment and another person talks, it's not considered an interruption if both people then speak at the same time. In fact, zoom has become famous for comments like, "Oh, sorry, go ahead." Even when people are doing their best, little moments like that happen and nobody considers it a foul. In any 12 minute conversation, it's almost unavoidable that overlapping talk would occur. Also, in a friendly conversation like this (whether in person or on Zoom), this kind of overlapping talk is the norm and isn't experienced by either person as an interruption. Nobody is cutting anybody off and not letting the other person talk. If you watch almost any friendly podcast conversation, there's lots of overlapping collaborative conversations that nobody interprets as a genuine interruption. That's just the nature of human interaction. For example, if somebody is making a point and while they are talking the other person says, "Ah, makes sense" at the same time, most people in the conversation would not consider that an interruption. That's just overlapping talk and it's not the same thing. It only becomes a problem in real life when one person won't let the other person talk or finish a thought. In our case, we both clearly enjoyed the conversation, we were building on each other's ideas and none of the negative aspects of "interruptions" were part of our conversation in the video.

Thanks, Jesse. I appreciate your kind words.

Glad it was helpful!

Why would you even stay and tolerate that for 2.5 hours? What a waste of your time and what a display of disrespect on the podcasters part. I would have hung up after a half hour max.

@@missmayflower He's really nice, and I think he was just really excited about the topic we were discussing. I didn't want to be rude, and I kept thinking eventually he would stop interrupting, but I guess he just needs some coaching on how to interview. 😇

I don't know about this guy, so maybe this doesn't apply here, but some Podcasters do 'interviews' just to have someone there to validate their point, rather then to actually hear from the guests point of view. Some may be doing this subconsciously, but for many it's an ego thing.

You describe your feelings as love for someone who has no interest in you nor do they have respect for your thoughts and feelings. I was married to someone like that and for decades I told myself it was love until I finally realized the truth and left. I had a dear friend of 40 years that never really respected me and snarled at anything I said that she didn't agree with. I finally realized the truth about that relationship also. I waited far too long to wise up. I hope you won't let anyone treat you that way anymore. Take care of yourself. That's the lesson I had to learn.

She's a pro!

Glad it was helpful!

@@alexanderlyon Thank you for hosting this program and for having Vanessa Van Edwards as your guest. You have a new subscriber.

Your stature may be small, don’t let your presence be small. From a petite 5’2” woman.

Glad you liked it!

Try to train yourself.

Thanks for sharing your examples, Joy.

I read "in a room with 5 year olds when needing to keep my boss' attention.." I started laughing so hard. Was thinking "good one." Then I reread it. & I now see how very significant the word "and" can be. Conjunction Junction, What's Your Functionnnnn."

@@theeemaven My husband once applied for (and got) a position of Dean of a school at his university. During his interview process, someone asked, "What special experience makes you qualified for this position?" and without missing a beat, he said, "I have a 5 year old." The connection isn't lost there. :) Everyone at the meeting laughed and nodded, appreciating how that WOULD be of value.

I have the same issue with my brother. However, I have to be very firm with him and emphasize to him that he needs to let me finish what I'm saying. "Stop, you need to let me finish what im saying," usually works.

I have a relative who does this . . . we mostly text now. 😁

Hi, Alex. I don't have a video on that but one approach you could try is to ask them to talk more about their concerns with more detail. e.g., "I noticed you seem unhappy about that decision, can you tell me more about your thinking?" or "I'm getting the impression that you don't approve of this direction. Is that accurate? Can you tell me more?" In other words, nudge them to be more direct or assertive about their point of view (rather than passive aggressive). If they talk more openly about what's on their mind, then there will be more actual content for you to respond to. If they don't take you up on your offer to speak openly, then just move on in the conversation. If they reply, for example, "No really. I'm fine." Just say, "Okay, great then let's move on." The key is to do this consistently so that any time they are passive aggressive, you pause and invite them to speak openly. In the long run, that positions you to eventually point out the pattern they are creating by not speaking openly. However, be sure that you work 100% on your side of the conversation. In other words, you very likely won't be able to change their passive aggressive behavior. Changing others is a losing battle. But you can develop your own habits of inviting them to speak openly (without getting defensive on your part) that might neutralize their approach. I wish you luck, Alex. Dealing with passive aggressive people is a real challenge. They've likely been doing this for their whole lives.

@@alexanderlyon Hi Alex, thank you very much for getting back to me and answering my question. I also appreciate you taking the time to give me examples. How to speak to these people has been a very difiicult problem for me, so it helps a lot to have more of a plan. I will be sure to use this approach and these types of phrases the next time I talk to them. God bless

If this is a consistent pattern that they display, I would be very careful. Many are of a narrcisstic personality type and you will not be able to communicate your thoughts. It will only revolve around them and what You should do for them.

@@debbiebarrow817 Thanks for your advice, you're right they have also shown narcissistic behaviours

@@alexjennings3024 I have a saying I came up with for talking with narcissistic people. They are masters at dominating any conversation. Never explain. Never defend. Put it back on them. They want you to defend yourself after they criticize you or put you down. That's the game. If you keep defending yourself against their criticism, they get exactly what they're trying to get, which is to control you, particularly, your emotions. So, don't give them what they want. When they talk about others behind their back, call them on it. ("Talking about people behind their back is unprofessional.") When they put you down, don't defend yourself. ("You seem to have a need to criticize others.") It takes practice, but it works. Never bring yourself into the conversation. Keep it about them and their behavior. Most importantly, never have a one-on-one conversation with them without someone else in the room. Preferably, a supervisor. Use email for all contact. Never answer their phone calls. Always let it go to voicemail, then email a "got your voicemail" reply. Always save their voice messages. The goal is to not engage with them verbally, if at all possible. That way, you're the one in control of your communication, they have no opportunity to verbally abuse you, and you have everything in writing or recorded, if they do. You might need that for any HR complaint you may have to file. Good luck to you!