Confronting Domestic Violence Abusers Face-To-Face | VICE on HBO (Bonus) 

Right? I get where she's coming from, but yeah no. That's a really bad idea.

And its just flat out wrong.

Its already hard to get someone to leave you alone unless you leave the state. The law really isnt on the one being abused side. (If the person has means they can follow you further too.)

Decriminalizing it will only create more v!ctims cause of no consequences for the abvser. I agree they should get rehab in prison but not walk free.

Seriously I’m watching this lol wtf ??? Do NOT decriminalize domestic violence ? Wtffffffff. Damn

Depends on the context

I reckon they need to be whipped until there's no flesh on the back. Let them taste their own medicine

Further investigation is always needed on how violence is incited.

@@2pacfan4lifewestside no

@@alman8908 yes obviously you’ve never actually gone out in real world because some dudes are asking to get their ass beat. You’d know that if you’d ever been to a bar or party lol.

I wish I could find a place to go.. I feel so worthless and hopeless 💔😭

@@nitalightell336 don't lose hope! Getting out is the best thing you can do for yourself and there are people who can and will help you. 💓

I agree - her attitude disgusts me and that's as a leftie who speaks out for rehab in prisons. Getting perps of DV into prisons on long sentences is absolutely essential. Its often the only way victims can get away. Also, as you say, it so often ends in murder and victims who get away can life in daily terror, needing panic buttons. They need to be in prison. They can have rehab in prison but they need to be in prison. Decriminalising DV just tells victims that what they are enduring doesnt matter. Also, victims often cannot report the abuse until they trust that the perp will be jailed and cannot wreak their revenge on them for telling.

I was put in a coma, I have CTE, and he hurt me every time. Now, no prison, no! Muy thai kick hurts!

I agree it'll definitely make the problem worse.

I agree. Sometimes people are JUST bad.

Same with my abuser

I know this sounds dark but If I could tell that when a newborn is born and they were born evil, I'd just end then then and there.

@@thedesensitizedsympathizer5307 oh we got a baby killer right here

🙏🏽

They only care when its another woman being abused by another man then they wana act like they are a hero to another victim meanwhile they are beating their woman with no remorse. SURVIVOR here!

Right

Said perfectly

Some of them have never copped a beating themselves so they dont know what it feels like, thats why you many times hear good non violent men say that men who are violent towards women need a good beating. Some people are violent because theyve been around and endured too much violence their violence is usually more reactive to stress than it is used as a tool to manipulate and control as is the case with instrumental violence.

Right!

I think if your conditioned where violence is normal and verbal abuse is normal I dont think that woman or individual has a choice in hell. They need so many other tools they werent equipped with that others take for granted. Confidence, self worth, stable parents or family to fall back on or lean on for support. If you have nothing else or know nothing besides the 'love' that is hitting or whatever else your dealing with will stay until your personal line is crossed where leaving is better than staying.

Thats why women are always blamed because people see it as well leave you could of left. So many women are murdered after leaving an abusive partner as well.

It's hard to walk away when they chase you down and punch you to the ground...... I'm out of that relationship now. Thank God

you just solved domestic violence, wow... why people didn't think of this before? #duh

exactly

Real men and women don't abuse. Well said🙏🙏

As a dv survivor. This is sick. I’m hurt and disgusted another woman would think advocate for this.

Many people developed complex post tramatic stress disorder from trauma & can go into a psychosis & think their back were they are being abused & become violent & grew up being hit so they think its not wrong cuz that is a they know they are brain washed also the subcounsous once it learns something it dont want to change until it the consousness tells the subconsous its safe to change but most abusers are tought by bad media like dare devil movie he stalks a women fights her even until she gives him her name and he doesent go to jail they end up together, Sexist religions government that want men leas sympathetic so they are war ready a sexist speech giver came to my High school in 90s so these men do need these education classes & women need to know the red flag signs & gabby petito foundation trying to get d.v. education in schools i feel though these men do need jail time & education cuz my dad had to take d.v. classes & anger management & he never change statistically most of them dont cuz they are so brain washed to be male narcassistic controllers with ego & male entitlement issues. I was severely abused went to counceling but couldent get ride of my PTSD until I did hypnotism to reverse all the abusive brain washing my family did cuz my subconsousness was stuck on flight or fight mode ESP. Cuz for yrs my family was secretly stocking me & lying to people in my life & scaring them to isolate me but now that I know I wont let them know who my friends are or were I live changing my name & i haft to do the hypnotism long term just once doesent work but it is helping with the triggers many people use hypnotism to stop smoking cuz studys show that oce someone learns something long enough even what food they eat the subcounsous often is stuborn to change that habit I d I agree that a jail record makea it hard for them to find work which makes them likely to go back to old ways maybe they can do jail time & if they take the class & graduate from It then they can gwt the d.v. thing off their record

@@dettyf5587 I think you mistook her comment. She isn't advocating for it. She's against it.

Same with me

One reason I don't believe Women claiming abuse is that the man have nothing to gain

You can put them in prison all you want. They're still going to keep doing it even after they get out. They need to actually be de-programmed. Putting them in jail won't do shit.

Will H thing about abusers is they beat people because they think its cool

these abusers ARE getting prison time. she's literally at a prison. but just locking them away with other violent men for a few years and then letting them back on the street with no attempt made to change their pattern of behavior does no good to anybody - if anything, it will only exacerbate the attitudes that caused them to be abusive in the first place. they need to go to prison so they can realize there are consequences to their actions, but they also need help to change the way they think about women and relationships - otherwise, they'll just be more careful next time.

Agreed.

It's proven that mental abuse is actually more traumatizing than physical. Because bruises heal but the mental health can if untreated never heal..

Alot of women would be mad about that cuz they'd be put on BLAST!!

@@sharpaycutie2 why men don't emotionally abuse? I thought both and women are capable of being toxic

One is as bad as the other. IMO.

@@Fingerscrossedout you don’t think having someone that “loves” you beating your @$$ isn’t also emotional abuse? If you don’t. Smdh

One I don't believe Women claiming abuse is Men have nothing to gain. It's saying men vendictive or MRAs just hate Women. But she gives statistics 80% of are Women but just says vast majority . Something vague. The statistics don't support her views. Plus looking at behaviors. Like a slap and being told your nothing with out her domestic abuse and violence is when men act like women

@@balance.of.the.sexesequali5914 what are you trying to get at, you people are sick and have no type of empathy for ongoing issues like this.

I'm so sorry about this, that's terrible and should never happen

I'm so sorry 😢.......

My condolences 🥺

Lol exactly

The tattooed guy scared me when he said “see I told you & ass whoopings”. He didn’t seem to care at all.

They are learning better ways of abusing from her story.

💯

They always wanna find a way to get away with hurting us. It’s not okay with me i want my abusers in prison and to of their time.

@@crusthawk2749 Any man who strikes a woman should just die.

@@crusthawk2749 why would you get a girlfriend just to abuse her??

@Arnie Quintero kilalmyn like you and john howard69er

Alexis Ebahotubbi definitely!

They are in jail taking this class

The crux of Leigh Goodmark's argument is that jail time alone doesn't work. As you can see, these programs are operating within the penal institution. At any rate, just because something is wrong doesn't necessarily mean it should be made illegal. And just because something is illegal doesn't mean that it is necessarily wrong. She's also saying that much domestic violence - as well as many other "crimes" - is committed not because the person is necessarily bad, but because there are often extenuating circumstances that led a person to take a wrong turn somewhere. Personally, I have a battery conviction for trying to pry myself away from an officer who had come up from behind me and put me into a headlock - essentially it was self defense. I'm not a bad person. I'm self aware and very moral. But it ruined my life and 8 years later, I'm still suffering the repercussions of it. Mine was a simple battery. But someone made an error on my court documents - my police record says battery, my court documents said domestic battery - a difference of one number in the coding. I did not know of the error until I finally petitioned to have my record sealed. They told me I would be unable to because a charge of domestic battery is so severe, it stays there forever. Luckily, I was able to correct the error and seal my record. In my opinion, that's a bit too harsh for a domestic battery charge. In the end, reform is possible in most cases. And I'm so excited by this woman's research and the work of this organization. Our prisons are overcrowded and our legislation is a mess. Any nudge to make changes towards understanding the individual operates separately from the system is a great move.

Alexis Ebahotubbi SAME WITH WOMEN. EQUAL RIGHTS REMEMBER.

You missed the whole point.

She say 80% are Women. But just says vast majority to say herderal sexual relationships

Yes especially abuse over years again and again by the same abusers.

My Reservation definitely needs a DV Abuser registry.

They have it in the UK

GREAT IDEA ! Ask for one. Petition for one. Protest for one. Vote for one. Or we'll keep living in the world we accept. 👩‍🎤 RISE UP ! ♀️

Yes.... you are right. They all look like BORN LOSERS to me.

@@kellynorvell5714 That is discriminatory. Some of them go it from childhood experiences and trauma. No one is born loser. Some of them needed chance. I think your the loser here.

Some look like they are possibly triggered, not bored.

Fr my child’s father included 🥴

Naa I see a lot of empathy and realization in their eyes

-Come over and see me protest Fenty/Dior because they employ Johnny Depp

It’s called gaslighting

It’s the cruelest thing, gaslighting and trying to mess with someone’s mind to break them.

Agreed! Rehabilitation programs should not be a replacement for a prison sentence.

They are not saying it causes domestic violence, but does make it worse. Research shows that.

Beyond..😒

@@BettieBooonce an abuser always an abuser.

Courtney Westbrook I believe in seperation and therapy by law but I don’t believe the law should get too involved with this stuff because at the end of the day it’s sovereign relationship

I don't think this is decriminalization. It still is criminal. But it's also important to point out that these men needs to change, to change their behavior, that it's not okay to be violent, and violent can take many forms. These people already in prison. It's important that if they ever get released, they won't repeat their bad behavior

It's more a help to change behavour than telling they are victim.

@@Sarachouska People like them do not feel like they are wrong in the first place and you can't change what you don't acknowledge.

Hello Hart if there is a program that helps them acknowledge actions, change & have empathy for their victims what’s the problem? Prison should be a punishment/rehabilitation place that fosters behavior change. So those released don’t create new victims.

Yes. Coming to terms with abuse means taking responsibility for YOUR actions. I don't care if your dad abused you and that's your reason for continuing to abuse someone, it HAS to stop somewhere and that means SOMEONE taking responsibility for THEIR actions.

They need to understand that nothing justifies beating a woman. That all their bullshit excuses don't justify anything. Even if she cheated, if she yelled at them, if she didn't cook dinner, etc. Nothing justifies laying a hand on women. Once they accept that they are wrong is when can change. Hearing their bullshit stories about their past is useless they are not victims they need to know that it doesn't matter. Once they learn they are wrong and take responsibility is when they can change and learn to use words instead of violence.

Oh my God, my ex was the same way? He would say things and do things to get a reaction outta me and when I can't take more and give him that reaction he wouy paint me as the villian. And say I provoke him to put hands on me. I had to get away. I remember when he beat me at a park no one was around, but he was bold, afterwards I started running just so happens a college police was passing by and flag them down told what happened he told the police I was crazy and on medication and flipped out on him. And that I forgot to take it. Knowing I'm not on medication for mental illness or nothing, knowing what he did. But I was the bad guy. But I'm just saying how manipulative, and vindictive abusiver can be. Accused me of cheating when I wasn't he would fight for that. Throwing me against walls etc. It was bad.

Did you ever stop to think why you can make such a horrible choice in picking a person and now that same choice perpetrated your suffering

They call me Alf Way to blame the victim, as if people can’t conceal their nature until your lives are intertwined physically, mentally and socioeconomically. By the looks of it she clearly got out of it, so support her! Many don’t get out.

Sounds like narcissistic personality disorder

exactly true, especially about being provoked and emotionally abused so much that you kind of lose it and act a little irrational, and then, they say, LOOK LOOK at her how crazy she is acting. But, all the abuse is done when nobody is around. The reaction of the daily abuse is what the abuser uses as proof that you are the crazy one. They are douche bags.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men#Gender_symmetry Except that study after study says it's close to equal. Beyond that, why develop a sexist program? Why are you OK with leaving even a small number of victoms without help based on sexism?

@Annie O I have never and will never understand why women act like the world is all men all the time and they are just along for the ride. It's clearly untrue and suggests that woman are completely powerless to affect the world. The sexism of lowered expectations is no better when it's done to minorities. Meanwhile you underplay or just outright ignore the abuse of men, suggesting instead that they should be more able to take and that it's not as big of a deal. This sexism is that of assumed responsibility and authority.

@@Cenobyte40k because men are awesome, and they love being in our world we built for them to be comfortable enough to grant us a temporary hole to fill. But they so solipsistic they think now that it's cozy it's owed to them to rule.

@Annie O men standards were developed by nature until civilization and men became literate and we've not lived in a world that follows mans law but men. Women who didn't want to live in a man's world could have freely gone out into the wilderness and create their own Queendom

@Annie O 1:School shooters don't represent all men, they are just the minortity. 2:When a man commits a crime, the media talks about it, when a woman commits a crime, the media ignores it,so OFCOURSE men are expected to be more violent. 3:Men are more likely to commit suicide because of WOMEN that ruin their lives by cheatimg on them 4:Women are more likely to kill their child Is this enough? Because i can now keep on going with the privileges that women have and men don't

I grew up in a home full of alcoholics. I don't drink. Because I decided to break the cycle. The cycle is not a script: people have a choice.

@@Mimi-cq4bg That’s true too but it’s complicated.

@@rhondahoward8025 it isnt. If you beat your parner you dont EVER deserve to live happily. You desrve to suffer and remember that they now have trauma FOREVER.

@@grimmcorvid5713 Not once did I ever condone the behavior.

There's NO EXCUSE.

What do men have to gain from physically abusing Women. Do have imagine what it's like to told your nothing with out her. Imagine or remember. That's mother's raise their son to respect women their nothing with out them

Cowards. What gets me x husband stay out all night drink , smoke crack with crack ho, at crack addict alcoholic male buddies, they come home walk in while I sleep pull the covers off me punching me kicking screaming, saying I'm cheating do everything he was out doing and I'm home sleeping resting to go to work the next day, and he didn't work in a pie factory these type men r narcissistic personality insanity.

@@cubbiesmith4505 And now what? You hate all men?

The question still remains, are there women who are Narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths and get away with everything without accountability? Do woman always have empathy? Any human can have the dark triad.

This program will most likely work with those individuals who aren’t phsycotics. But those who are may slip through the cracks and re abuse. I agree 100% that DV is a men’s problem that needs to be changed and fixed by men. Empathy is seen as a weakness in the men’s world

Well I am man that was abused by a woman I was raped and abused by a woman

Was yours a narciisist. Mine was.

They want you to believe that they have no control, there’s no such thing as avoiding escalation.

Yea, exactly. It's like trying to rehabilitate a sex offender or serial killer. Maybe after 1 and ONLY 1 mistake ... But not someone who just does this S#!+ willy nilly "That's my whole M.O." B.S.

💯💯💯

so perfectly said.

Well to be fair. Our ancestors were very sexist and saw women as lesser humans. So NO WONDER there are men like this. It's I'm our genes. Yeah, we could break it but fornsome men, it's hardwired in their helix

That’s a myth, many psychologists who work with men in batterer programs agree that mental illness is very rarely the cause of domestic abuse. Take Ukrainian for example, their National statistics on domestic violence are reported at nearly 45% of the total population. It’s a majority of women who are the victims of these crimes, meaning most women in the Ukrainian suffer violence in their intimate relationships. This shows we are dealing with a problem in society, not a fringe group of bad apples.

Blame themselves please. They always use that pathetic excuse.

Would you like a "safe space" so reading isn't scary ? We could put some fluffy unicorn toys and crayons there if that would help.

They're all 'incels.'

@@stripymccatpuss 👈 it's always one douchebag in a bunch. Never mind him. He's seen his pops step on his mom's neck on his way out the door, and haven't been seen since 🤷🏿‍♂️

Hurdur misogyny

That was a very level-headed, fair, and true statement. I'll too 100% stand behind you in any way I can.

Not after this rehab

@@jasonsteinfeld9493 they aint taking that rehab seriously

Not true. But if a man is harming you leave him

ABSOLUTELY!!!!! I would NEVER hurt a living being. BUT..... BUT.... I TRULY believe that a man or woman that abuses their partner or their child, can learn the skills not to hurt the one they love. I could talk ALL day about that. I feel that all souls have the ability to be a person that others feel safe around but even after one suffers an ass beaten by someone that says "I love you and I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you and I won't do it again".... they would have to prove they have learned skills to overcome the hurt and anger that they feel to make them hurt others. If someone pisses you off enough to hurt them then maybe a person needs to "check" why they feel this way. Don't get me wrong ..... the ONLY way I would beat the shit out of someone is if they hurt my child. But to do it just because ...... no... no... I don't feel its right AT ALL.... but the largest percentage of people that abuse others ... is a learned behavior. I feel for those and hope they can learn to control it.... one has to #1 acknowledge the wrong, #2 get help, and #3 implement the skills in their daily lives. Thanks for asking for asking me Nick Harley. I'm always up for the subject... on the abuser's side or the survivors side. Both sides have a storey of why?

@Nick Harley and I must add that a learned behavior will always be there .... sort of like looking both ways before you cross the road so that you dont get hit by a car.... that is something you are taught if you get my meaning..... No person is born with the "I'm going to beat the shit out of everyone I love from here on out" attitude. Think about that. But .... you can chose with a strong enough will to not hurt someone, to stop. So think about this..... if someone in a public place walked up to you and said "I don't like the way you talk" and they punch you right in the face.... would you accept that or call law enforcement, or hit them back? Or when a survivor is just sick of being put down, called a effin' piece of shit or kicked in the ribs..... what if that same person just is sick of taking that crap an fights back?.... Is is different..... even if it is just "one" time. What gives a person the right to hurt another?

some people are just bad people and are unable to change and become a better person. But I would NEVER trust someone who was violent towards their loved ones, whether they are reformed or not.

True that is so true

💯🎯

Definitely needs to be more restorative.

Absolutely agree with you there! This is insane.

Did he get arrested ? Is he still in jail now?

@@JesusSaves7810 He was prosecuted

@NoSaltJustPepperBae He used to mock me when I cried to the point I had several breakdowns

The world hates women that stand up for themselves

@@marisafaith9975 they sure do! It’s so obvious.

Chivalry is for ladies, not laydees. There's a difference.

Jason Dyrkacz so what exactly are you saying

Exactly

Shrooms and LSD should be legalized and used in therapy in my opinion

Thank you

Yeah but what do you do when said sister then gets PISSED at you, takes her abusers side then stops talking to you and goes right back to him, over and over again? Unfortunately that's very common.

Or my brother or dad

I wish there were more people like you

QuickMaff Then his family/friends will come by looking for you. Violence begets violence!

Word...we out here talking and treating ourselves nicely 🤣🤣

The thing is that you aren’t solving anything by punishing. We need to change the way we see things because this actually works

@Yeet stop assuming that the man is always in the right, it’s simply bs

He is also an narcissist

I know this was posted 2 years ago but I was just surfing the web on how to make it though writing my victims impact statement …. Came across this .. just got a weird sensation wanted to reach out I pray you are well and I’m hoping you saved yourself from being disregarded mentally emotionally and physically. We matter especially as mothers my love goes out to you hope all is well ❤

Probably because u were blatantly manipulated, gaslight, and bullied by ur perpetrator into firmly believing that u have absolutely no control over the physical, psychological and/or sexual abuse u endured, much less the ability to improve ur current situation.

What's wrong with you? Why are you with him? What a shame.🤔

I love you!! You are beautiful Strong Smart and will have peace in your life!!! I pray for your safety Queen!🙌🏾🙏🏾💙 You got this!💯 Keep being Awesome!🤗😘💙❤️

​@@Emerson-jq8ejstfu

❗

I agree. Assault is a crime, whether it happens to a stranger or within the family.

Clare Halacy please run for Congress

Clare Halacy I am definitely for rehabilitation. My abuser has kids, not with me, but they’re grown and almost grown. I don’t, honestly want to keep him away from them. I would love nothing more for him to turn his attention away from me and back to his kids. But he won’t. His mother raised one and the other ones mom is raising her. His attention is on me and the local counties arent taking this serious. The state the abuse I FINALLY came forward with isn’t extraditing him for missing court for the incident. At this point he’s been arrested twice for stalking. Burned my car and all of my clothes and everything I owned AFTER I left most everything leavin him. Gone. I want him to do jail for the damages. To me. To my things. You go to jail for fighting, serve some over this. Do rehab. Be a better man for the next woman cuz I’m so done but I WANT him to be the man I fell in love with.

Rehab works on everyone, just different methods of it. It’s a little naive and pretty harmful to think that there are some people who couldn’t be rehabilitated.

jugy I agree and this is coming from a woman whose been in a abusive relationship. My ex husband comes from an abusive culture where at the age of 10 his mother stabbed him with a machete cause he wouldn’t go to school. Now I don’t use this as an excuse for his actions HOWEVER he too was a victim of abuse. And I believe the behavior he learned can be changed it depends on him whether he wants to do it or not.

@Yeet 🤢

@Yeet no dear, if you are strong you don’t fight weak ppl , it’s called abuse.

I gave noticed two things Ruth abusers. Most of them saw their mothers abused and/ or their mothers frequently allowed “boyfriends” to abuse them. They really hating women . 🙏🙏🙏💔💔💔

To control them. Sense of entitlement.

Because they think they're right, and everyone else is wrong.

I hear you

They need treatment i strongly believe that

CHASS FREEMAN shut up

Recidivism is money in America. Why try to change things when prisons and corporations are making money . I completely agree with your statement. So many things could get better if there were more resources and help. Not to justify abuse at all, but if there is help, then why isn't it happening to stop it?

CHASS FREEMAN There is definitely a lot of hypocritical people.

I have witnessed a man hitting a woman more than a few times, and I can tell you the reason. Men and women are more different when it comes to patience. Women can jabber and jabber all day long. Men don't have the mental capacity for that. That's why they snap when an argument goes on too long. They have less capacity for arguing. And another thing, is I've noticed when women see he's getting a little aggressive they tend to stir shit up more by continuing the argument or start throwing things in his face that he might be sensitive about. Which ultimately leads him to snap. I'm not saying it's right, but I'm not stupid either. A lot of women seriously know how to push a man's buttons, especially with throwing sensitive things in his face and not stopping the argument. So basically in the simplest way. Men have a less capacity for constant arguing. That's also why you often times hear men say their wife is nagging them. Its because women can generally go hours and hours with fighting. Men, not so much before it gets physical. Also women don't know how to stop arguing when they see he gets aggressive. I'm not stupid. Women are not innocent just because they're physically weaker. It's just how our brains are wired. That's why this feminism is POISONOUS to people. Thinking we're all the exact same, and men and women are no different. The biggest difference when it comes to these domestic violence is TESTOSTERONE. IF YOU SEE HE'S GETTING AGGRESSIVE, STOP PUSHING HIS BUTTONS!!!!! IM NOT DEFENDING ABUSERS. IM SPITTIN FACTZ.

DishingOut Ls umm no men have the mental capacity to handle arguments it’s just that most of the time they’ve came home from a long work day and they’re tired and just want to relax then she starts arguing and it builds up like you said

@@dishingoutls8137 so when I come home from work and my husbands starts nagging me about something, can I then shoot him cause my job annoyed me?

Another myth, it’s not about anger, it’s about control and oppression. This is about women’s rights and equality, how our culture tolerates many behaviors and ideas that lead to the notion women should/could be exploited and abused.

@@dishingoutls8137 Misconception. Many abusers claim the loss of control of their actions, yet studies show these abusers have the same rates of mental stability as the normal population. Abusers demonstrate very clearly they are able to resist their temper and violence when people are watching, in other areas of their intimate and professional lives. Abusers would like us to believe that once the doors of their homes are closed they are experiencing something that is so extraordinarily difficult, it justifies their use of coercion and violence against their partner. There is no justification. Difficulty arises in every aspect of our lives, how we choose to deal with that difficulty depends on our values, habits and education. Men who use violence against women believe it is acceptable, this is the message they often learn from society.

k well ur leaving out all the abuse against men u say that matters but u dont rlly think so when u say women want to be "equal" all u describe is the want to be a protected class

Yes. Let it not be erasable, ever. But include also any rehab actions taken by the abuser. Social service. Repair to society. Open a charity to help DV victims. Do something. Some guys just have the violence gene. Not much can be done about them. But some others know they made a mistake and want to change.

Can we at least admit that every ass kicking doesn't just fall out of the sky?

HAHA

The world actually gives a shit about women's problems. Lol jk